Virgo man not ready to date

Hey peeps. So I've met this virgo guy who lives in another city. We met up when I was on a vacation there and ended up spending every day together. I told him I liked him but he stopped me right there saying he doesn't want a long distance thing (we are an hour flight away... His ex was in another country) and that his last relationship ended a few months back, things are a bit shaky and he wants to focus on himself.

Saw him twice after that - it was amazing, he started displaying more attention when we were together, cuddles, kisses, giving me a poke when I'm not paying attention to him 🙂 we get along GREAT. As friends, lovers, we laugh a lot and I know we care about each other.

He's not as talkative when I'm not there, we web chat quote often, I usually initiate and he always engages in the conversation. I was feeling kinda needy (bad bad bad!!!!) and told him I wanted to give us a real shot (3.5 months after we met now) and he said it was all really sweet and touching but he was still pretty much in the same place... He was very different about it this time though, much gentler and I could tell his feelings for me grew after we met.

My virgo told me he wants to focus on his career this year and it would be unfair to me if I were to wait for him, he wouldn't want to be with anyone right now due to lack of time.. But he would still be there for me as before if I want. The most I got out of him was "I like you and enjoy spending time with you" and when I asked if he would be ok not seeing me again he said he never said that. When we are together I feel that he cares about me. He even gave me his shirt when i asked him and didn't mind me tagging him on Facebook when we went somewhere together 🙂

So it's not like I have other options right now, but I wonder if I do give it a go and keep seeing him, spending time with him - not pressuring him into anything - will he actually be ready later? Are virgos usually like that and if they like you and like having friends with benefits thing with you, would they consider you as a girlfriend when they want one? I don't want him to brush me off just because I live in another city and his past relationship was too hard. He did say things like "I've only been single for a bit and now stomped with the new job" and "you should understand it's all still fresh" when I said if one long distance thing didn't work out doesn't mean ours wouldn't.

Thank you in advance, virgos!

long distance relationship (however long) = deal breaker for most of us

I think he cares about you and is trying to let you down easily.

It wasn't for him the first time, but he had a bad experience with it... He said he still can see me like before if I want that.

What if you virgos fall in love, are you likely to give up if it's long distance which involves more effort?

And thank you for your opinion, Damnata, appreciate it.

LOL @ the t-shirt thing. So random. OP, I'm not a Virgo, never dated one, but why are you not listening to all the things he is telling you? I swear sometimes it's like some women actually like being lied to, because when a guy is being honest they still can't take the truth for what it is. SMH. Do you want this guy to start toying with you?

Posted by annagemini

I told him I liked him but he stopped me right there saying he doesn't want a long distance thing (we are an hour flight away... His ex was in another country) and that his last relationship ended a few months back, things are a bit shaky and he wants to focus on himself.

told him I wanted to give us a real shot (3.5 months after we met now) and he said it was all really sweet and touching but he was still pretty much in the same place...

My virgo told me he wants to focus on his career this year and it would be unfair to me if I were to wait for him, he wouldn't want to be with anyone right now due to lack of time..

Are virgos usually like that and if they like you and like having friends with benefits thing with you, would they consider you as a girlfriend when they want one?

This is a FWB situation. He was honest with you from the beginning. There are rules with FWB..no questions are allowed, no relationship.

Regarding your last question? Virgos know the difference between women who put out for FWB and a woman who has self respect. They tend to choose the latter to settle with. Which one would you like to be?

He doesn't want a long distance relationship. Period. Why are you pushing it? Why can't you respect his wishes?

WaterCup, because when women are in love it clouds our judgement.

LetitB & truecap i know it is a FWB and we've become really good friends. I stayed over at his place a few times now, i've met his roommate, his roommate's family when they were staying over, we all hung out together. He shares things with me and it's not just sex, it's definitely a friendship. He told me it was really sweet that i shared my feelings and he appreciates it, but right now he doesn't want anything. I don't mind keeping the same until i meet someone else, if i will. He told me he isn't ready and I am not pushing it. I'm only human and his behavior towards me really changed, he appreciated my presence a lot more.

He knows i'm a decent kind of girl and not just someone who puts out. I have a decent job, i don't go out, i was cooking for him a lot, helping him cleaning the place and generally was there for him.

All i'm asking right now is - is it worth a shot that he will change his mind in future once he had some time to himself a got over his last relationship. All i want is hope if there is one.

Thank you

Posted by annagemini
WaterCup, because when women are in love it clouds our judgement.

LetitB & truecap i know it is a FWB and we've become really good friends. I stayed over at his place a few times now, i've met his roommate, his roommate's family when they were staying over, we all hung out together. He shares things with me and it's not just sex, it's definitely a friendship. He told me it was really sweet that i shared my feelings and he appreciates it, but right now he doesn't want anything. I don't mind keeping the same until i meet someone else, if i will. He told me he isn't ready and I am not pushing it. I'm only human and his behavior towards me really changed, he appreciated my presence a lot more.

He knows i'm a decent kind of girl and not just someone who puts out. I have a decent job, i don't go out, i was cooking for him a lot, helping him cleaning the place and generally was there for him.

All i'm asking right now is - is it worth a shot that he will change his mind in future once he had some time to himself a got over his last relationship. All i want is hope if there is one.

Thank you

No, speak for yourself. This man is telling you all kind of things to not get too serious about the situation, yet you seem to not be taking HIM serious. He is laying all his cards on the table & you're choosing to shield your eyes. Okay. Plus I like how you're making an excuse for your elective blindness by saying this is how women act. Wow. LOL!

Posted by annagemini
WaterCup, because when women are in love it clouds our judgement.

LetitB & truecap i know it is a FWB and we've become really good friends. I stayed over at his place a few times now, i've met his roommate, his roommate's family when they were staying over, we all hung out together. He shares things with me and it's not just sex, it's definitely a friendship. He told me it was really sweet that i shared my feelings and he appreciates it, but right now he doesn't want anything. I don't mind keeping the same until i meet someone else, if i will. He told me he isn't ready and I am not pushing it. I'm only human and his behavior towards me really changed, he appreciated my presence a lot more.

He knows i'm a decent kind of girl and not just someone who puts out. I have a decent job, i don't go out, i was cooking for him a lot, helping him cleaning the place and generally was there for him.

All i'm asking right now is - is it worth a shot that he will change his mind in future once he had some time to himself a got over his last relationship. All i want is hope if there is one.

Thank you

How about buying a fortune cookie? How are people suppose to know what he might do in the future? You can't be serious. It's astrology, not a crystal ball. LMAO

Posted by annagemini
I was feeling kinda needy (bad bad bad!!!!)

You need to revisit your experience with the Leo and learn the lesson there and apply it here. The sea is pretty deep when you're ready🙂

WaterCup, ok, apologies - this is how i act when i'm in love and how love clouds my judgement. I am trying to grow and understand what to do about certain situations. Right now this is breaking my heart and i am trying to sort this situation out. I'm not asking for future, just trying to understand.

I can perfectly tell he is not ready right now, but as i said i can tell his feelings for me have changed and he became more interested. I KNOW i have pushed or even talked about it too soon, i messed up and he will keep his distance now. Yes, i make excuses, because i want this to work.

I was hoping to get some advise on the virgo's personality and find out whether their decisions can be affected if they grow feelings for you or they will always be stubborn once they made a decision, not judgement on how blind I am. Sorry i'f not being too clear on what I'm asking.

gemeliorist, fair point! to be honest though, i did much better with this one and still kept my cool as much as i could and left it on a good note. We are still where we used to be and maybe this is another chance for me, maybe another lesson 😢

@OP when I was younger there were a few guys that I friendzoned that were able to grow on me over time and we ended up dating. Of course those relationships never worked because I was never REALLY into them, they just kinda grew on me.

Nowadays if I friendzone a guy I do not change my mind. I assess the reasons the relationship will not work (in your Virgo's case the LDR) and I do not allow my emotions to get involved no matter what, because deep down I know logically there is a reason we would not work in the long-term. I'm sure what you're asking has happened to someone before but who knows if it will happen with you. If he's older and relatively mature the odds are against it. Suggestion...be his friend (no sex) and if he ever does change his mind and he's lucky enough to have you still be interested then GREAT. But don't put your life or happiness on hold.

Thanks fembot, yep not ideal and kinda what I thought, but i will give it a go. Don't think i can just leave it as friends, hard thing is if i do that I won't be seeing him at all. Might just pull back a bit and see how he reacts. Will give it time and see what happens.

Hope for the best, but be ready for worst.

Posted by annagemini
WaterCup, ok, apologies - this is how i act when i'm in love and how love clouds my judgement. I am trying to grow and understand what to do about certain situations. Right now this is breaking my heart and i am trying to sort this situation out. I'm not asking for future, just trying to understand.

I can perfectly tell he is not ready right now, but as i said i can tell his feelings for me have changed and he became more interested. I KNOW i have pushed or even talked about it too soon, i messed up and he will keep his distance now. Yes, i make excuses, because i want this to work.

I was hoping to get some advise on the virgo's personality and find out whether their decisions can be affected if they grow feelings for you or they will always be stubborn once they made a decision, not judgement on how blind I am. Sorry i'f not being too clear on what I'm asking.

gemeliorist, fair point! to be honest though, i did much better with this one and still kept my cool as much as i could and left it on a good note. We are still where we used to be and maybe this is another chance for me, maybe another lesson 😢

Girl, I dont know you, but I just dont want you to get hurt. Just THINK things through & maybe listen to him a bit. He is telling you everything that most girls that have been played wish they have been told. You're lucky 🙂 This guy is a gentleman, not a douche whose aim is to put you on a string & then drop you the moment he finds Ms Right. If its meant to be it'll be so quit worrying.

Posted by WaterCup

Posted by annagemini
WaterCup, ok, apologies - this is how i act when i'm in love and how love clouds my judgement. I am trying to grow and understand what to do about certain situations. Right now this is breaking my heart and i am trying to sort this situation out. I'm not asking for future, just trying to understand.

I can perfectly tell he is not ready right now, but as i said i can tell his feelings for me have changed and he became more interested. I KNOW i have pushed or even talked about it too soon, i messed up and he will keep his distance now. Yes, i make excuses, because i want this to work.

I was hoping to get some advise on the virgo's personality and find out whether their decisions can be affected if they grow feelings for you or they will always be stubborn once they made a decision, not judgement on how blind I am. Sorry i'f not being too clear on what I'm asking.

gemeliorist, fair point! to be honest though, i did much better with this one and still kept my cool as much as i could and left it on a good note. We are still where we used to be and maybe this is another chance for me, maybe another lesson 😢

Girl, I dont know you, but I just dont want you to get hurt. Just THINK things through & maybe listen to him a bit. He is telling you everything that most girls that have been played wish they have been told. You're lucky 🙂 This guy is a gentleman, not a douche whose aim is to put you on a string & then drop you the moment he finds Ms Right. If its meant to be it'll be so quit worrying.

click to expand

Haha thanks. Appreciate the kind words. I'll just go with my gut and see what happens. I know no matter what he will remain as my friend, but if i don't give it a shot i may miss a chance to get the greatest guy i've met so far. If it's too hard i'll move on and hopefully learn from this 🙂

All the best 🙂

Posted by annagemini


LetitB & truecap i know it is a FWB and we've become really good friends.
He knows i'm a decent kind of girl and not just someone who puts out. I have a decent job, i don't go out, i was cooking for him a lot, helping him cleaning the place and generally was there for him.

All i'm asking right now is - is it worth a shot that he will change his mind in future once he had some time to himself a got over his last relationship. All i want is hope if there is one.

Thank you

This isn't a real FWB..in fact it's you deceiving him it is a FWB & desperately wanting more while thinking that screwing him, cooking and cleaning for him will bring you to a relationship with him. Are you serious?? So he's feeling guilty getting laid, having someone cook and clean for him and will sooner or later find the words to cut you off completely. You wanna gain his respect? Walk away.

Posted by VirgoFlirt
I never get where people say that they never have options. That such BS! You do!.

You should ask him.... if he is willing to have a relationship with you if you move to where he lives. If he says yes then you had better back up those words or you'll be history.

You want him? Do the above. If his answer is no then move on.

He made it very clear where he stands..she's just not listening.

Posted by annagemini

.... but if i don't give it a shot i may miss a chance to get the greatest guy i've met so far.

What the fuck does that ^^^ mean?

So, after all of this ... you're still going to act like a desperate woman to him, and put pressure on him by having him realize that you are waiting for him to change.


jfc

Posted by annagemini
LetitB & truecap i know it is a FWB and we've become really good friends. I stayed over at his place a few times now, i've met his roommate, his roommate's family when they were staying over, we all hung out together. He shares things with me and it's not just sex, it's definitely a friendship. He told me it was really sweet that i shared my feelings and he appreciates it, but right now he doesn't want anything. I don't mind keeping the same until i meet someone else, if i will. He told me he isn't ready and I am not pushing it. I'm only human and his behavior towards me really changed, he appreciated my presence a lot more.

Yes, its a FRIENDSHIP that happens to have benefits = FWB. And yes, you do it until you meet someone else.
I'm glad you understand that.
YET, you seem to be pushing him for more, for a relationship. It is really bothering you that he doesn't want a long term relationship.

FWB does NOT usually result in a relationship.

I just don't want to see you get hurt, that's all. I think you're setting yourself up for a lot of pain.

I meant long distance, not long term. Oops

Posted by VirgoFlirt

Posted by annagemini

So it's not like I have other options right now, but I wonder if I do give it a go and keep seeing him, spending time with him - not pressuring him into anything - will he actually be ready later? Are virgos usually like that and if they like you and like having friends with benefits thing with you, would they consider you as a girlfriend when they want one? I don't want him to brush me off just because I live in another city and his past relationship was too hard. He did say things like "I've only been single for a bit and now stomped with the new job" and "you should understand it's all still fresh" when I said if one long distance thing didn't work out doesn't mean ours wouldn't.

I never get where people say that they never have options. That such BS! You do!.

You should ask him.... if he is willing to have a relationship with you if you move to where he lives. If he says yes then you had better back up those words or you'll be history.

You want him? Do the above. If his answer is no then move on.

click to expand

+1

Posted by LetltB

Posted by VirgoFlirt
I never get where people say that they never have options. That such BS! You do!.

You should ask him.... if he is willing to have a relationship with you if you move to where he lives. If he says yes then you had better back up those words or you'll be history.

You want him? Do the above. If his answer is no then move on.

He made it very clear where he stands..she's just not listening.

click to expand

OP is adamant she wants to give it a shot. VirgoFlirt is right, this is her only option if she goes that route.

Posted by truecap

Posted by LetltB

Posted by VirgoFlirt
I never get where people say that they never have options. That such BS! You do!.

You should ask him.... if he is willing to have a relationship with you if you move to where he lives. If he says yes then you had better back up those words or you'll be history.

You want him? Do the above. If his answer is no then move on.

He made it very clear where he stands..she's just not listening.

OP is adamant she wants to give it a shot. VirgoFlirt is right, this is her only option if she goes that route.

click to expand

I did ask him in the beginning, but the thing is he is also still fresh from his previous quite shaky relationship. From what I read about virgos - they take ages with everything. It hasn't been a year since his last breakup and it was long-term. He did say if he was ready and i lived there he would get to know me better, but i can't really hold on to that.

I don't feel like dating people at the moment, i should be after some time, so yes, i still want to keep seeing him. As it was said above he is a gentleman and was ALWAYS honest with me. He cares about me, asks me about my life and always asks if i need help (10 times) when i do cook.

If i walk away i will have his respect but i might as well just shove it up somewhere because we won't be seeing each other after that.

I will not move unless he asks me to, i might be willing to do a lot for him, but i'm not toying with my life.

Thank you everyone for your opinions and advises.

I will not put my life on hold, i will see other people when i'm ready (the dating scene sucks since i came out of my previous relationship), but unless i get into anything serious I intend on seeing my virgo, casually for fun, since that's all he wants now anyway.

I will still hope it grows into something in time. I did push too quickly and i regret it. I know virgo's take time. If i will move on to someone else - great, if not, what are the tips for me after all this to try and get him to come around?

None. If he doesn't want it, he doesn't want it.

Posted by annagemini

I will still hope it grows into something in time. I did push too quickly and i regret it. I know virgo's take time. If i will move on to someone else - great, if not, what are the tips for me after all this to try and get him to come around?

jfc ... you're fucking dense

Most Geminis are, I've come to realize being on this site.

Alright thanks to those who gave me advise without calling me names and to P-Angel: I might be stupid but at least I'm a nice person enough to know people have their faults and I have no right to judge them or make them feel bad. I was here for an advise and I did get a few pointers that made me think. I didn't come here to be offended.

Posted by VirgoFlirt

Posted by annagemini

So it's not like I have other options right now, but I wonder if I do give it a go and keep seeing him, spending time with him - not pressuring him into anything - will he actually be ready later? Are virgos usually like that and if they like you and like having friends with benefits thing with you, would they consider you as a girlfriend when they want one? I don't want him to brush me off just because I live in another city and his past relationship was too hard. He did say things like "I've only been single for a bit and now stomped with the new job" and "you should understand it's all still fresh" when I said if one long distance thing didn't work out doesn't mean ours wouldn't.

I never get where people say that they never have options. That such BS! You do!.

You should ask him.... if he is willing to have a relationship with you if you move to where he lives. If he says yes then you had better back up those words or you'll be history.

You want him? Do the above. If his answer is no then move on.

click to expand

Great advise right here!!

Others have already said what I was going to say, no point in beating a dead horse.

Posted by annagemini
Thank you everyone for your opinions and advises.

I will not put my life on hold, i will see other people when i'm ready (the dating scene sucks since i came out of my previous relationship), but unless i get into anything serious I intend on seeing my virgo, casually for fun, since that's all he wants now anyway.

I will still hope it grows into something in time. I did push too quickly and i regret it. I know virgo's take time. If i will move on to someone else - great, if not, what are the tips for me after all this to try and get him to come around?

Sigh, I wasn't going to post because of what others said then I got to this post...

You need to stop, you are just going to be heartbroken. Your expectations that you have on him are going to destroy anything you have, period! You say you want casual and fun then the next sentence you are going to wait and hope it grows into more. You cant have both, you already WANT more. When you are in a FWB, and that's what this is, there can be no expectations. NONE. You can't change his feelings, n matter how good the sex is, nor cook or clean his place enough to change his feelings. EVER.

there are no tips or tricks to get anyone to "come around" as you put it. That's called games and manipulation. If you can't be with someone as yourself and vs. versa there is no point and it's not healthy.

If you aren't ready to date others, then you aren't ready to be involved with him. Good luck and ill be watching for your post of he broke my heart, I don't understand why.

justagirl,

It's just all fresh and it's really hard to accept, but you're right (as are most people on here). I just need some time to let it sink in so I start thinking clearly. Relationships shouldn't be that hard.