Am I Wasting My Time ?

If you meet someone and there's a mutual spark, but then you realise that it always seems to be "You" who has to initiate anything, and although the recipient is always happy to oblige, again, its still always "You" that has to get the ball rolling.
Would you think its worth persuing, or just give it away ??

It really depends on how much value you place on that person. If you are really interested in keeping the relationship even if it is more work on your side, then you continue to do it. If you come to the conclusion what you are devoting is too much and you want it reciprocated and it isn't happening, then you can decide to devote less then before or leave it completely. For myself, I am not usually the one to initiate, usually its the other way around, but my friends know how I am and they know it is not because I don't like to get together with them but just that I am not a starter. So it really takes understanding what people you are dealing with before coming to the conclusion to let it go or not.

Some people are really submissive .. that isn't an indication of whether they want you, or not.


If you aren't dominate enough for him, and don't like his submissivnes .. then bounce because people aren't going to change what turns them on.

I personally get sick and tired of being the initiater. If I see I have to do it most often, then I back away after a while. It kind of tells me that the person may not be as interested as I am and I'm not about to continuously put myself out there on a limb. They have to show their interest too. And I have no problem with letting people know this is how I operate.

Posted by ramfishtwins
I personally get sick and tired of being the initiater. If I see I have to do it most often, then I back away after a while. It kind of tells me that the person may not be as interested as I am and I'm not about to continuously put myself out there on a limb. They have to show their interest too. And I have no problem with letting people know this is how I operate.

i feel u on this! i have no problem initiating contact in the beginning but i do get tired of it after so long. there needs to be reciprocation. i will start to distance myself some after the first couple of times if it seems like i'm the only enthusiastic one. if ppl really wanna be around u then they will get a hold of u. it doesn't matter how shy or reserved they are. it make take them longer to make that call/text/email/what-have-u but it will eventually happen.

i would give it some time but if u notice the pattern then i would definitely back away. focus ur energies on those that truly enjoy ur presence!

Thanks Guys...

I think i have my answer, although its not the one id like 😢

As ive said, the recipient is always more than happy to meet and go along with any plans
But even if its something as simple as "lets meet for a coffee at that cafe down the road"
it "Wont" happen unless "I" initiate it !!!

I suppose my housemate said it all really...
"It Takes Two To Tango, But You Seem To Be Dancing Solo"

i suppose it depends on how long this goes on. when i meet a guy i always make sure he's the one initiating the calls, emails, plans, etc. because it's how i gauge his interest. but it doesn't take more than a couple months tops to be absolutely sure.

it's funny that you ask this though because the cappy that broke my heart told me that he would have never ever pursued me in a million year...i had a big crush on him for a long time and then just went for it one day (i blame the patron! and i only kissed him lol). i asked him how he ever gets what he wants if he doesn't pursue things he wants and he replied "I don't." granted this guy had major issues but still, after that i vowed not to pursue a guy first 🙂

I find that in 90% of the cases the first encounter sets the tone if at first they don't come up with a attatude to keep level with you they never will.

Well, ive decided to stop the texting etc etc, and see if she comes to me 🙂

My sis always says...
Dont Waste Your Time On Those Who Wont Waste Theirs On You

sis speaks the truth

I don't see a problem, as long as she's responding 100% to your chasing and not blowing you off then I see no reason not to pursue her, she obviously is worth it or you would not have given her the time of day. Personally I don't suggest women chase men nor pursue them (but that is ME and how I think)

If you leave I'm sure she will let you go and I don't blame her because as a woman I want the strongest Alpha male out there, I want to feel loved, cherished, adored, wanted and chasing is the best way to wade through the men that are too lazy to give me that.

Now dogs I'm not calling you weak nor am I calling you lazy but I sense your afraid of falling in love so your backing out. Tighten up your inner game, learn how Alpha men seal the deal with women like her, use this as a challenge instead of taking the easy way out but don't blame her for not being masculine in nature, if you want to know how she feels look her indicators of interest, does she touch you, does she respond to you when you come around, is she opened to be kissed, if you don't think she's worth the attention then move on b/c I don't think she's going to lower herself to chase a man when there are plenty of other men that will go for it.

The tango is you chase, she responds, you chase until you seal the deal, you risk rejection but that's part of the tango

For me, I want mutual initiation.

Don't twist my words, there is nothing in her behavior that I see that says passive, feminine yes passive no, DOING is masculine energy so when men chase it's masculinity at it's highest being expressed. Dogs mentioned she is responding in a positive way, it's not like she's blowing him off, playing mind games, she is saying through reactions to him that I'm into OLD FASHIONED COURTING, she know her worth and she will not chase a man to have a relationship and if that is an issue for Dogs then yes he should walk away.

Why chase a man to have a relationship when she know there are other men that will allow her to lean back and be the feminine beautiful woman that she truly is. The best man gets her time, love and attention, the man that is not afraid to put himself out to have her will have her.

Today everything is askewed, so many women are making complete fools of themselves and wonder why these men aren't attracted enough to give them a real relationship, a womans femininity speaks for itself and she never has to beg and chase a man for a relationship unless she doesn't feel good about herself and has little self worth. So many pick up games, these men trying to get without giving, so many of this crap going on and yes I am fully informed about PUA techniques, it's all pretty pathetic in the end when no one wants to be vulnerable.

There is nothing passive about responding to a man that is interested in a woman. I said I'm not calling dog lazy so again don't twist my words, if dog needs a woman to chase him a little then this woman may not be it for him but IMO (and yes this is just how I feel and think about it) there is no reason to walk away from this woman if she's impacting him in a positive way, if she's responding in a positive way and she is being forthcoming and happy to hear from him, if he wants to know if she wants more then he will have to do it old school and ask her to play a bigger part in his life.

I'm fully aware that if a man is using PUA techniques he would not waste time on this woman, I'm not insinuating Dogs is using any techniques, I highly doubt he is but on planet pua this woman would have been NEXTED a long time ago and I'm also fully aware on planet pua they would tell dogs to stop chasing her, stop putting her on a pedestal and either find a way to build attraction through different techniques or next her and move on to someone else...it's really his decision in the end

If advice does more harm than good then you should take your own advice and help dogs instead of picking my words apart.

honestly poopsie I dunno if your male or female so I have no way of addressing you properly and no offense but I don't get what your saying and thus I misunderstand your thoughts possibly due to a language barrier so I'm not completely comfortable discussing anything with you...

My 2 cents. Maybe I'm a rare breed of man. But I like an sexually aggressive woman. I feel better knowing someone likes me without the typical dating ambiguity.

In my opinion, if I project consistent (non creepy-clingy) interest in the beginning, there should be the same from her end.

Tiki, in some instances what you suggest about women pulling back can be accurate. I'd say mainly if it's a guy who is extroverted. That is the type who likes the chase.

Now if it's a introvert like me, different story. It can be very draining to always intiate when it comes to social contact, or getting physical. This is why I feel my best match is a woman that is upfront regarding her interest.

I understand shyness on the first date. But if I am going out of my way to make that girl feel comfortable then there is an expectation of her loosening up somewhat on follow up dates. I get bored extremely quick if there always has to be me maintaining conversation without any initiative on her end at all.

I understand timidity in the beginning of things such as kissing or sex on the woman's end. However if we progressed to sex already there should be an openess from her end. Now if sex the first time she had with guy sucked and as a result passiveness, it's her responsibility to communicate that.

The reason I believe that a lot of female earth or water signs (or fire with one of those two elements in their chart) get cheated on is lack of aggressiveness. They always want to be dominated in the bedroom. I dont mind cavemaning it in the sack. BUT I dont want to do that all the time. I like a girl to take charge. It can be a turnoff for me if there is no balance in the bed room.

Now does that justify a guy cheating? Of course not. It's a man's responsibility to communicate his desires. After that happens, if a woman fails to follow up on that, he should leave at that point.

There are a lot of men who find passivity from women a turn on. But I think more and more, men are getting increasingly irritated with women not displaying aggressive in dating and sex.

There is a difference between being feminine and then just playing games be it unintentionally or not.

And why do define ourselves by gender roles in dating?

Whatever just happened to "I like you, you like me, so let's take it slow, see what develops"

Poster, stick to your guns and date other girls. Make her chase you for once.

As long as you're still showing interest in the object of affection here, jealousy is a powerful emotion.

Especially when she knows you're dating other women, it definately speeds up the "where is this going" question you desire to hear.

Just remember, no matter what anyone else tells you never, ever be the one to ask for an exclusive relationship. Unless you want her to shut down and run away.


Well if you actually do, then go ahead by all means ask away😉

Personally I Never Think About Anyone Who May Be "Competition" Good Luck To Them
I Have Always Been And Always Will Be "Myself"
No Point In Trying To Be Someone Youre Not (especially if youre trying to impress someone)
Nobody can wear that Mask Forever, And I Certainly Wouldnt Want Too !!

Someone mentioned "Old Fashioned Courtship" im not sure if that applies in my case!
Its more like "One Sided Courtship"

Well, its been 7days now and "Nothing"
Ive got my answer - and as someone said "Its Draining"
Time to move on and find someone who is as prepared to put in the effort, as I am 🙂

I find that really interesting Dogsbody that you have given one week for her to contact you and then you have decided to walk...when alot of women here dont hear from guys for an easy 2 weeks at a time and the advice given is that a guys week is like a girls hour!

This isnt an accusation just an observation...

This last time has been a week, prior to that there have been longer periods.
Like i someone said, its draining, wasting your time and energy thinking about someone who
obviously isnt interested, and, doesnt think about you untill you until you send that text !!
And id say, only responding out of politeness.
Id much rather someone be honest and say "I think your nice and i like you, but it will never be anything more than that"

Fair enough call...my friend is also experiencing similar treatment from the girl he's being seeing & texting lately...wonder how he is getting on. Might give him a text to see.

Posted by dogsbody
This last time has been a week, prior to that there have been longer periods.
Like i someone said, its draining, wasting your time and energy thinking about someone who
obviously isnt interested, and, doesnt think about you untill you until you send that text !!
And id say, only responding out of politeness.
Id much rather someone be honest and say "I think your nice and i like you, but it will never be anything more than that"

You can't expect a dude to react like a female ... what you are expecting of him is to initiate contact, and be excited about the anticipation of contact as a girl does.

Guys aren't like that ..... they're more inclined to be thinking about football, then tapping into feelings about a partner when emotions for this relationship aren't necessary for the football game.

DB is the male PA...

Dogs you will be back...Those hard to get women are challenging are they not? Men love a good challenge, love obstacles, love hard to get women and material things.....nothing easy is worth having, as much as you may not like her behavior, your logical mind says leave but your male instincts will get you back in touch with her.

Dogs, the best thing about the time we are living in right now is that there are all types of women out there. If you are looking for a girl who will let you be a man and lead, then you will find her. If you are looking for the one who likes to be in charge, you will find her as well.

Do not waste your time on someone who you will not be compatible with at the end. If this initiation thing is a big deal to you, walk away. But if you think that a girl is worth it, then be the one who wears the pants...

It's a female cap?!!! Ha, say no more. I've been there and beyond. I'm not saying all are like that, but most female caps are masters at head games. Dating a Gemini is a walk in the park by comparison.

That's why I stay the frak away from caps. They make even just getting/setting a date to be a huge ordeal. Yet even when I clearly dont want anything to do with them, they come like a tribe of indians. Will anyone help get this cap magnet off my back? *Stretching and reaching*

Tiki, with all due respect, dont generalize all men. A mans dating style depends on a few things. One, his astro chart (moon, mars, venus) two, his background.

I'm telling you, the first instance a girl plays hard to get, my feet are walking out the door. My "male instincts" never have gotten me back in touch with a girl like that. I bust my ass in work, why the hell would I want dating to be as difficult?

I already know there is going to be a bunch of girls on here who will disagree with this next advice. But then again, they have no idea the frustration men go through in dating women unless they're bi.

Dogs you are a single guy, date as many girls as possible. Never put your eggs in one basket when there is no exclusivity with a girl. Women flake all the time on anything from dates or call backs like the guys on here they complain about.

Better to have 3 potential flakes then wasting your time stressiing over just one. 😉

Posted by sweethearts
DB is the male PA...

Dogs isn't """the""" male ..... he is a male