commitment without marriage (Page 2)

Posted by AriesLove

Posted by sultrykitty

Posted by AriesLove

Posted by sultrykitty

Posted by AriesLove
@ Gennie

I know for a FACT I can buy a car, have a bank account, credit cards, a home in my name only and still be married. I can take out loans and have my own insurance. If it's not joint it's mine.

I know for a FACT I can inherit a gift or property from my family and my husband cannot touch it if I keep it out of marital interests.

I know for a FACT I can file married but separate on my tax returns.

I know for a FACT I can have a living will while being married for my best interest.

But like I said you speak from a afraid and scorned woman's POV. It's not the institution of marriage that scares you. It's who you choose. People scam boyfriends and girlfriends all time.

So then TRULY, what is the benefit of marriage except a ring? That is, if someone is happy and has all those things above, without it?

Pretend then....

There's no reason to have to.

Let me finish it for you

There is no reason to be married when I can pretend to be.

click to expand

What is the benefit? You still haven't been able to *successfully* answer that.

You know the only reason I'm busting your balls is because you seem to think that you have a superior argument, or that somehow you're better than women who choose not to get married but have successful long term relationships.

If you had simply stated your opinion without judgement, you would've been left alone.

Some people just don't want kids.

Some people just don't want to get married.

Why do people associate those who choose something different- as scared! Or emotionally unwell-

All people want different things from life. Just because something doesn't align with someones personal norms doesn't make it wrong.

Posted by AriesLove

Posted by sultrykitty

Posted by AriesLove

Posted by sultrykitty

Posted by AriesLove

Posted by sultrykitty

Posted by AriesLove
@ Gennie

I know for a FACT I can buy a car, have a bank account, credit cards, a home in my name only and still be married. I can take out loans and have my own insurance. If it's not joint it's mine.

I know for a FACT I can inherit a gift or property from my family and my husband cannot touch it if I keep it out of marital interests.

I know for a FACT I can file married but separate on my tax returns.

I know for a FACT I can have a living will while being married for my best interest.

But like I said you speak from a afraid and scorned woman's POV. It's not the institution of marriage that scares you. It's who you choose. People scam boyfriends and girlfriends all time.

So then TRULY, what is the benefit of marriage except a ring? That is, if someone is happy and has all those things above, without it?

Pretend then....

There's no reason to have to.

Let me finish it for you

There is no reason to be married when I can pretend to be.

What is the benefit? You still haven't been able to *successfully* answer that.

You know the only reason I'm busting your balls is because you seem to think that you have a superior argument, or that somehow you're better than women who choose not to get married but have successful long term relationships.

If you had simply stated your opinion without judgement, you would've been left alone.

How many times do I have to state it for your slow a $ $ . Once again Respect, Standard, Value, Status, Security.

Now you can take the words and put your low grade insecure definition like @Gennie did so you can come out as a looser.

But I view marriage as progression like I view education, kids, career, health, life, success, living and life.

But like I said you know yourself better than me and if you feel like a looser don't do it.

click to expand

You are one UGLY woman.

Posted by AriesLove
@ Gennie

I know for a FACT I can buy a car, have a bank account, credit cards, a home in my name only and still be married. I can take out loans and have my own insurance. If it's not joint it's mine.

I know for a FACT I can inherit a gift or property from my family and my husband cannot touch it if I keep it out of marital interests.

I know for a FACT I can file married but separate on my tax returns.

I know for a FACT I can have a living will while being married for my best interest.

But like I said you speak from a afraid and scorned woman's POV. It's not the institution of marriage that scares you. It's who you choose. People scam boyfriends and girlfriends all time.

If he puts money in any account even if it just has your name on it on a regular basis it goes from being a gift to community property. If he contributes to the upkeep of a home, even if its in your name only, it can become community property based on co-mingling of assets. You can attempt to take a loan out in your name but you have to use your taxes as a basis and if you have been filing married joint, then your spouse's credit score computes.

Not all states in the US allow for inheritance to be separate marital interests. These are called Kitchen-Sink states.

You can file separately, but it is not financially advantageous (meaning you pay more in taxes and have less in exemptions and deductions), UNLESS your spouse is over-seas OR owes debt to the state or federal government. IN the former, you pay less in taxes, in the latter you just avoid the penalty but still pay out the nose in taxes.

Your Living will can be challenged without notations from your doctor in your medical record, but even if it isn't it only deals with end-of-life procedures. It does not safeguard you in the event of mental incompetency.

It's interesting that you press the issue of me being scared or scorned because I don't "hop to" for any man who pops the question and gives me heart tickles. As you think by saying that, it invalidates my points. It doesn't and other posters see that here.

It's very sad when a woman finds her power by tearing other women down.

I hope you enjoy your sad, selfish life.

what was the point of the thread anyway?

to me, if your GOAL is to marry and have that ring, because that is your deep wish and belief, then do so.

if it's not, and you're OK with not marrying, well that's all up to you.

edit - but if I were to be HONEST with myself, I prefer MARRIAGE.

I want it and LOVE it.

but I understand it's not the same for everyone.

Posted by lisabethur8
what was the point of the thread anyway?

to me, if your GOAL is to marry and have that ring, because that is your deep wish and belief, then do so.

if it's not, and you're OK with not marrying, well that's all up to you.

Exactly. 🙂

You know, I've decided since Arieslove can't formulate an accurate argument I will. Here are some reasons to get married:

You and your partner are on the same point about financial matters: As both of you are responsible adults, see money matters the same way, and see no reason to not pool resources to co-habitate in comfort and avoid massive taxes within a certain tax bracket.

You and your partner would like children: This negates a lot of hassle about parental rights and child support. It provides a unified front for your children as a co-parenting unit.

You and your partner want to make sure the other one is financially secure: This means inheritance of assets in the case of one partner passing or becoming mentally incompetent (such as developing alzheimers). This also has the benefit of making sure the infirm party is cared for. This is especially helpful where one or both partners have estranged relatives.

As an Aqua with Virgo bits, I appreciate not just love, affection, fidelity, commitment, but the practical applications of the institution of marriage. None of which are ephemeral, archaic concepts such as Status or Respect.

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by sultrykitty
It's very sad when a woman finds her power by tearing other women down.

I hope you enjoy your sad, selfish life.

Why do you people ALWAYS have to pick on a woman who has got her life sorted and try to drag her down.

It's not about AL putting others down but people being able to accept that we all have different points of view and differing opinions.

Marriage has always been the ultimate institution of a relationship to show TOTAL commitment to someone by telling the friends, family etc as a sacred oath in the eyes of God. And it always will be regardless of the Generation X mentality....

So don't "knock" her just because of it....

click to expand

No one is knocking her choice, busy. Read the thread. The only nastiness in response to points of discussion is her other women essentially trash. Not cool.

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by sultrykitty
I'm one of those. But I never wanted kids. If that wasn't the case, for sure marriage would be more important to me, for legal reasons.

I wanted to get married when we were younger but he never asked and tbh, I didn't really see any advantage to pressing for it. Now, after almost 30 years, it's not even on the radar.

What's funny is that he and I have been together faithfully for longer than most people in our peer group or even other members of my own family. One brother has been married twice amd divorced once, another brother has been married 5 times.

Lots of leo that I know are always "the bridesmaid" and never "the bride"... I could never understand why that was... But the ones I know only one is married - she is of Italian decent..

click to expand

O____O





ssssssssss.... MEOWWWW

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by sultrykitty

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by sultrykitty
It's very sad when a woman finds her power by tearing other women down.

I hope you enjoy your sad, selfish life.

Why do you people ALWAYS have to pick on a woman who has got her life sorted and try to drag her down.

It's not about AL putting others down but people being able to accept that we all have different points of view and differing opinions.

Marriage has always been the ultimate institution of a relationship to show TOTAL commitment to someone by telling the friends, family etc as a sacred oath in the eyes of God. And it always will be regardless of the Generation X mentality....

So don't "knock" her just because of it....

No one is knocking her choice, busy. Read the thread. The only nastiness in response to points of discussion is her other women essentially trash. Not cool.

Only women without self confidence will read it as trash or perhaps she is "hitting" too "close to home".. People need to take a personal view and not take it personally. She is entitled to her opinion without being attacked.

click to expand

Whatevs Busy. Read. The. Thread.

men aren't really afraid of marriage,

but it's the LEGAL stuff.

that's what they are kind of fearful of, so they would love it if you had no debt or very little.

and if you have no or little debt, (like a small credit card you can easily pay off) and you are not a SPENDTHRIFT....like you are gonna spend a lot of your own or his money...

he will be very very happy.

men love a FRUGAL woman.

but if he's a billionaire, he don't mind you spending a little more. lol

Posted by Gennie

Posted by AriesLove
@ Gennie

I know for a FACT I can buy a car, have a bank account, credit cards, a home in my name only and still be married. I can take out loans and have my own insurance. If it's not joint it's mine.

I know for a FACT I can inherit a gift or property from my family and my husband cannot touch it if I keep it out of marital interests.

I know for a FACT I can file married but separate on my tax returns.

I know for a FACT I can have a living will while being married for my best interest.

But like I said you speak from a afraid and scorned woman's POV. It's not the institution of marriage that scares you. It's who you choose. People scam boyfriends and girlfriends all time.

If he puts money in any account even if it just has your name on it on a regular basis it goes from being a gift to community property. If he contributes to the upkeep of a home, even if its in your name only, it can become community property based on co-mingling of assets. You can attempt to take a loan out in your name but you have to use your taxes as a basis and if you have been filing married joint, then your spouse's credit score computes.

Not all states in the US allow for inheritance to be separate marital interests. These are called Kitchen-Sink states.

You can file separately, but it is not financially advantageous (meaning you pay more in taxes and have less in exemptions and deductions), UNLESS your spouse is over-seas OR owes debt to the state or federal government. IN the former, you pay less in taxes, in the latter you just avoid the penalty but still pay out the nose in taxes.

Your Living will can be challenged without notations from your doctor in your medical record, but even if it isn't it only deals with end-of-life procedures. It does not safeguard you in the event of mental incompetency.

It's interesting that you press the issue of me being scared or scorned because I don't "hop to" for any man who pops the question and gives me heart tickles. As you think by saying that, it invalidates my points. It doesn't and other posters see that here.

click to expand

Gennie, it's a waste of your time trying to explain what a real marriage entails to someone who gets in pretend ones. Can't take anything she says seriously.

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by Gennie
You know, I've decided since Arieslove can't formulate an accurate argument I will. Here are some reasons to get married:

You and your partner are on the same point about financial matters: As both of you are responsible adults, see money matters the same way, and see no reason to not pool resources to co-habitate in comfort and avoid massive taxes within a certain tax bracket.

You and your partner would like children: This negates a lot of hassle about parental rights and child support. It provides a unified front for your children as a co-parenting unit.

You and your partner want to make sure the other one is financially secure: This means inheritance of assets in the case of one partner passing or becoming mentally incompetent (such as developing alzheimers). This also has the benefit of making sure the infirm party is cared for. This is especially helpful where one or both partners have estranged relatives.

As an Aqua with Virgo bits, I appreciate not just love, affection, fidelity, commitment, but the practical applications of the institution of marriage. None of which are ephemeral, archaic concepts such as Status or Respect.

Maybe things have changed but marriage was never so "indepth" ie broken down the way you have broken it down. It was always a simple fact that two people loved each other so much that they wanted to be committed to each other solely and they wanted it to be made official and legal by marriage. Simple as that...

click to expand

There has to be a Capricorn out there jumping up and down pointing "See! she gets it."

Posted by Gennie
You know, I've decided since Arieslove can't formulate an accurate argument I will. Here are some reasons to get married:

You and your partner are on the same point about financial matters: As both of you are responsible adults, see money matters the same way, and see no reason to not pool resources to co-habitate in comfort and avoid massive taxes within a certain tax bracket.

You and your partner would like children: This negates a lot of hassle about parental rights and child support. It provides a unified front for your children as a co-parenting unit.

You and your partner want to make sure the other one is financially secure: This means inheritance of assets in the case of one partner passing or becoming mentally incompetent (such as developing alzheimers). This also has the benefit of making sure the infirm party is cared for. This is especially helpful where one or both partners have estranged relatives.

As an Aqua with Virgo bits, I appreciate not just love, affection, fidelity, commitment, but the practical applications of the institution of marriage. None of which are ephemeral, archaic concepts such as Status or Respect.

I get this, a lot but with also Capricorn bits. to be honest, we don't have headaches because my husband has ALL control of everything. I'm super HAPPY with it too. I don't need much either. I get all my luxury stuff from my family, no kidding. Everything luxurious I get from them. But my husband also spoils me. He even has to go behind my back to buy me this laptop last year because I told him I don't want a NEW one, it's wasteful. (more like his gifts to me he likes to do, but i'm happy honestly with very little).

He said, even to my family that 'my wife refuses anything new for her,' from me, she will get upset I spend it for her. And i'm like, why? I have all the old stuff.

and he's like, well, sometimes you need nice beautiful things too.

Posted by AriesLove

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by sultrykitty

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by sultrykitty
It's very sad when a woman finds her power by tearing other women down.

I hope you enjoy your sad, selfish life.

Why do you people ALWAYS have to pick on a woman who has got her life sorted and try to drag her down.

It's not about AL putting others down but people being able to accept that we all have different points of view and differing opinions.

Marriage has always been the ultimate institution of a relationship to show TOTAL commitment to someone by telling the friends, family etc as a sacred oath in the eyes of God. And it always will be regardless of the Generation X mentality....

So don't "knock" her just because of it....

No one is knocking her choice, busy. Read the thread. The only nastiness in response to points of discussion is her other women essentially trash. Not cool.

Only women without self confidence will read it as trash or perhaps she is "hitting" too "close to home".. People need to take a personal view and not take it personally. She is entitled to her opinion without being attacked.

I said Concubine these heffas flew into rage.

That just shows you I hit nerves and the weakness comes out.

Others have my view as well but you see how they slide right past those.

I'm too real.

click to expand

No, you're just too wrong. Do you evn know what a concubine is?

A woman in a committed monogamous relationship can't be a concubine by definition.

And what about those women who make more money than their men? Concubines?

Again, it's a power thing with you, which is just f'in sad.

Posted by AriesLove

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by sultrykitty

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by sultrykitty
It's very sad when a woman finds her power by tearing other women down.

I hope you enjoy your sad, selfish life.

Why do you people ALWAYS have to pick on a woman who has got her life sorted and try to drag her down.

It's not about AL putting others down but people being able to accept that we all have different points of view and differing opinions.

Marriage has always been the ultimate institution of a relationship to show TOTAL commitment to someone by telling the friends, family etc as a sacred oath in the eyes of God. And it always will be regardless of the Generation X mentality....

So don't "knock" her just because of it....

No one is knocking her choice, busy. Read the thread. The only nastiness in response to points of discussion is her other women essentially trash. Not cool.

Only women without self confidence will read it as trash or perhaps she is "hitting" too "close to home".. People need to take a personal view and not take it personally. She is entitled to her opinion without being attacked.

I said Concubine these heffas flew into rage.

That just shows you I hit nerves and the weakness comes out.

Others have my view as well but you see how they slide right past those.

I'm too real.

click to expand

Women flew into a rage because you used a word to describe their chosen life style that rolled back the equality of women and their place in society by almost 100 years. Others managed to make their preference known without being a sanctimonious, preachy little bit.

Well it's interesting how some are choosing to view marriage as a progression- an accomplishment

A stepping stone thro ones life- Even putting it on the same pedestal as getting an education, or maintaining employment.

The fact that someone would choose to get married for status, and security baffles me- or because they "think" they have too- like that certificate would actually mean much of anything during this life. - Just because it's there doesn't mean he/she won't lie,cheat, beat, manipulate etc. Does someone really have to say that?

@Arieslove I'd call you a Cunnt, but it's clear your lacking in both depth and warmth.

With the amount of aggressive complaining you do in reference to your ex husband i'm actually not surprised you'd have these views- altho- i also wouldn't be surprised if you had him bound and gauged in a basement somewhere.

It's really sad.

Posted by Skitty
Well it's interesting how some are choosing to view marriage as a progression- an accomplishment

A stepping stone thro ones life- Even putting it on the same pedestal as getting an education, or maintaining employment.

The fact that someone would choose to get married for status, and security baffles me- or because they "think" they have too- like that certificate would actually mean much of anything during this life. - Just because it's there doesn't mean he/she won't lie,cheat, beat, manipulate etc. Does someone really have to say that?

@Arieslove I'd call you a Cunnt, but it's clear your lacking in both depth and warmth.

With the amount of aggressive complaining you do in reference to your ex husband i'm actually not surprised you'd have these views- altho- i also wouldn't be surprised if you had him bound and gauged in a basement somewhere.

It's really sad.

to be honest, it doesn't seem like she was really serious.

i didn't feel that from her. i think she really would love a long lasting loving relationship.

she just wants someone who could/can keep up with her and her brashness.



plus it's not nice to think that way of a woman that she should be in a basement bound ect.

it's crueler in my opinion to even think that.

you don't know the horrors of that.

and there are actual people out there that really WANT that to happen to people. that is the saddest part.

edit - never mind. i don't know if this is even serious (this thread)

Posted by Skitty
Well it's interesting how some are choosing to view marriage as a progression- an accomplishment

A stepping stone thro ones life- Even putting it on the same pedestal as getting an education, or maintaining employment.

The fact that someone would choose to get married for status, and security baffles me- or because they "think" they have too- like that certificate would actually mean much of anything during this life. - Just because it's there doesn't mean he/she won't lie,cheat, beat, manipulate etc. Does someone really have to say that?

@Arieslove I'd call you a Cunnt, but it's clear your lacking in both depth and warmth.

With the amount of aggressive complaining you do in reference to your ex husband i'm actually not surprised you'd have these views- altho- i also wouldn't be surprised if you had him bound and gauged in a basement somewhere.

It's really sad.

lol

oops! heehee.

I see what you mean.

😄

Posted by tiziani

Posted by TaurusinTexas

Posted by tiziani
But, then again, she proposed.

So excited for you , CONGRATS!! I just love that Taurus! 🙂

Lol This was my ex-fiancee. Thanks for the good spirit.

click to expand

congrats and sorry. one for the first post, one for the second.

Posted by Arielle83
So everyone pushing MARRIAGE, are you religious??

Everyone casual about MARRIAGE, are you not religious?

By religious, do you mean Christian, Judaic, or Muslim?

"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."

Although, I totally fail at vegetarianism....I love steak 😢

Posted by Arielle83

Posted by Gennie

Posted by Arielle83
So everyone pushing MARRIAGE, are you religious??

Everyone casual about MARRIAGE, are you not religious?

By religious, do you mean Christian, Judaic, or Muslim?

"You can search throughout the entire universe for someone who is more deserving of your love and affection than you are yourself, and that person is not to be found anywhere. You, yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection."

Although, I totally fail at vegetarianism....I love steak 😢

Well it seems the people, so set on marriage, have mentioned "god" in previous threads or church, so I'm thinking it's a personal moral thing.

I was raised by a atheist scientist and a woman who fought for femanism in the 70s.

Marriage is just a paper I needed to prove commitment to bureaucrats.

click to expand

Tao Buddhist.

Posted by Arielle83
I would hate to be a man, marrying for love, then getting divorced cuz wifey changed her mind or he wasn't "good enough" for her standards, so the poor dude still has to pay the glorified prostitute cuz she has "standards"

One sided.

All this talk about equality and we know that divorces are one sided. Great to see that some women can see the down side in the eye of a man.

Posted by atearth

Posted by Arielle83
I would hate to be a man, marrying for love, then getting divorced cuz wifey changed her mind or he wasn't "good enough" for her standards, so the poor dude still has to pay the glorified prostitute cuz she has "standards"

One sided.

All this talk about equality and we know that divorces are one sided. Great to see that some women can see the down side in the eye of a man.

click to expand

ok but if for real husband cheats then doesn't he deserve to pay the price? i agree if divorce is because wife found someone else she should not get paid for that.

Posted by puhleeze

Posted by atearth

Posted by Arielle83
I would hate to be a man, marrying for love, then getting divorced cuz wifey changed her mind or he wasn't "good enough" for her standards, so the poor dude still has to pay the glorified prostitute cuz she has "standards"

One sided.

All this talk about equality and we know that divorces are one sided. Great to see that some women can see the down side in the eye of a man.

ok but if for real husband cheats then doesn't he deserve to pay the price? i agree if divorce is because wife found someone else she should not get paid for that.

click to expand

So if the husband hurts you, it's ok to hurt him back and find a way to make him feel way more fucked than you did? If there are kids, what kind of example are you setting?

There is a lawyer who switched the type of law he practiced, trying to get out of family law. A man came in with paperwork on his wife being adulterous and he had solid footing in not having to pay an enormous amount of alimony. But he also wanted the dog, and he wanted to know if there were legal repercussions once he had custody of the dog, to have it cremated and the ashes delivered to his wife, as it was the thing she loved the most.

He said he wasn't sure if he had the stomach to handle clients like that, and not be in the position to accept or decline said clients, so he decided to change his focus.

Then there are women looking for ways to make the father choke down large amounts of child support and alimony so he can see his kids two weekends a month.

It's an ugly person problem, not a divorce problem.

I love marriage. ring, ceremony. i'm a traditionalist. and I love it.

that. is. all.

happily ever after Disneyland!!

Posted by TerramineLight
QUICK! Nail them down with the ring. Like some reverse Lord of The Rings shit.

I know right—

Posted by TerramineLight
I'm pretty sure that's not how Marriage works. I think you have things backwards. You get married BECAUSE you're committed to the person. You don't get married TO commit. I mean you're literally saying the only way for people to be committed is if they're literally /forced/ to be by some ring.

i am talking about being committed for 8-10 yrs without thinking about marriage. marriage is the natural next step for a committed relationship. at least one partner will definitely want marriage after spending that long together? my question is after a few yrs of being committed isn't it natural to want marriage. marriage is not trying to trap the other person but wanting to spend the rest of your life with that person and wanting to build a family together with that person.

Posted by TerramineLight

Posted by Impulsv
U think this is what happens n I'm sure everyone goes with same intention but why do they cheat

Why are many miserable n the joke cheaper to keeper. Truly no guarantee " don't bank on marriage being proof of commitment just look at the divorce rates. But hey try it I'm not knocking it

But that doesn't mean you should resort to trapping someone's soul. I get that things get lonely but even if things are actually THAT bad. Sometimes your destiny is just being alone. As hard as that reality is to accept the quicker you accept it the better your chances of becoming something very powerful independently speaking.

But even if you still can't accept it, and you really gotta have love. Nailing the person down and forcing them to be with you? I think there's a special word for that. It's called Hell.

click to expand

i think the point here is not wanting marriage with just anyone, but with the one you are already committed to for years.

Posted by Arielle83
Yeah I've had anxiety about kissing in front of my parents and stage fright about walking down an isle so we did it more laid back.

My parents weren't there even though they wanted to be. I told them Mehhh I'm only marrying cuz we've got to. Is be chill common law.

yes the wedding doesn't have to be big, a court marriage is also a marriage.

Posted by Gennie

Posted by puhleeze

Posted by atearth

Posted by Arielle83
I would hate to be a man, marrying for love, then getting divorced cuz wifey changed her mind or he wasn't "good enough" for her standards, so the poor dude still has to pay the glorified prostitute cuz she has "standards"

One sided.

All this talk about equality and we know that divorces are one sided. Great to see that some women can see the down side in the eye of a man.

ok but if for real husband cheats then doesn't he deserve to pay the price? i agree if divorce is because wife found someone else she should not get paid for that.

So if the husband hurts you, it's ok to hurt him back and find a way to make him feel way more fucked than you did? If there are kids, what kind of example are you setting?

There is a lawyer who switched the type of law he practiced, trying to get out of family law. A man came in with paperwork on his wife being adulterous and he had solid footing in not having to pay an enormous amount of alimony. But he also wanted the dog, and he wanted to know if there were legal repercussions once he had custody of the dog, to have it cremated and the ashes delivered to his wife, as it was the thing she loved the most.

He said he wasn't sure if he had the stomach to handle clients like that, and not be in the position to accept or decline said clients, so he decided to change his focus.

Then there are women looking for ways to make the father choke down large amounts of child support and alimony so he can see his kids two weekends a month.

It's an ugly person problem, not a divorce problem.

click to expand

what i meant was if the divorce is as a result of his cheating or finding someone else he deserves to pay alimony, he can't get away with just walking away. if she cheats or finds someone else, she does not deserve to receive alimony, or if there is a law that she pay her husband alimony then that should happen. netiher deserve to get away scott free for hurting the other. there is a price to pay when you break a commitment.

"All those of you who cohabit and don't want to get married have more than likely had this discussion with your man and he does not see you as someone he wants to have that ULTIMATE commitment with and you have decided to "settle" with that!!"

Uhm nope.

This is how it went:

Him: "I love you. You're the only one who has ever understood me. You're my best friend and I can't ever see myself with anyone else. We belong together. I want to spend the rest of my life with with you."

Me: "So do you want to get married? "

Him: "I just don't believe in it. How is a piece of paper going to make me any more committed to you than I already am? I don't see the point in spending all that money for a wedding, honeymoon. I love you, and I'm not going anywhere. I just don't believe in marriage at all."

Me: "I don't really either"

And that was it.

Posted by TerramineLight

Posted by lisabethur8
I love marriage. ring, ceremony. i'm a traditionalist. and I love it.

that. is. all.

happily ever after Disneyland!!

Personally I'm ambivalent towards it. If I actually managed to "nail down" someone with love and we actually had something in person rather than LDR. After long enough if I knew that was their expectation, I'd run with it and propose. But if they didn't care I'm not entirely sure I would at all. Maybe just in regards to the LEGAL aspect of things, I might marry someone. But by that point the traditional shit gets tossed out the window and we're just signing some legal documents lol

click to expand

lol too much thinking about it.

Posted by sultrykitty
"All those of you who cohabit and don't want to get married have more than likely had this discussion with your man and he does not see you as someone he wants to have that ULTIMATE commitment with and you have decided to "settle" with that!!"

Uhm nope.

This is how it went:

Him: "I love you. You're the only one who has ever understood me. You're my best friend and I can't ever see myself with anyone else. We belong together. I want to spend the rest of my life with with you."

Me: "So do you want to get married? "

Him: "I just don't believe in it. How is a piece of paper going to make me any more committed to you than I already am? I don't see the point in spending all that money for a wedding, honeymoon. I love you, and I'm not going anywhere. I just don't believe in marriage at all."

Me: "I don't really either"

And that was it.

aww.

have you seen the film, "Katti Batti"—

Posted by puhleeze

how can you be confident about the commitment without a ring?

Whereas, I am the complete opposite ..... how does having a ring define a meaningful connection

Just a label and a ring = a commitment?



That's absurd, imo

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by sultrykitty
"All those of you who cohabit and don't want to get married have more than likely had this discussion with your man and he does not see you as someone he wants to have that ULTIMATE commitment with and you have decided to "settle" with that!!"

Uhm nope.

This is how it went:

Him: "I love you. You're the only one who has ever understood me. You're my best friend and I can't ever see myself with anyone else. We belong together. I want to spend the rest of my life with with you."

Me: "So do you want to get married? "

Him: "I just don't believe in it. How is a piece of paper going to make me any more committed to you than I already am? I don't see the point in spending all that money for a wedding, honeymoon. I love you, and I'm not going anywhere. I just don't believe in marriage at all."

Me: "I don't really either"

And that was it.

aww.

have you seen the film, "Katti Batti"—

click to expand

You mentioned that movie before. Is it a Bollywood film? I can't take them seriously. If not, I'll have to check it out sometime. 🙂

Posted by sultrykitty

Posted by lisabethur8

Posted by sultrykitty
"All those of you who cohabit and don't want to get married have more than likely had this discussion with your man and he does not see you as someone he wants to have that ULTIMATE commitment with and you have decided to "settle" with that!!"

Uhm nope.

This is how it went:

Him: "I love you. You're the only one who has ever understood me. You're my best friend and I can't ever see myself with anyone else. We belong together. I want to spend the rest of my life with with you."

Me: "So do you want to get married? "

Him: "I just don't believe in it. How is a piece of paper going to make me any more committed to you than I already am? I don't see the point in spending all that money for a wedding, honeymoon. I love you, and I'm not going anywhere. I just don't believe in marriage at all."

Me: "I don't really either"

And that was it.

aww.

have you seen the film, "Katti Batti"—

You mentioned that movie before. Is it a Bollywood film? I can't take them seriously. If not, I'll have to check it out sometime. 🙂

click to expand

yes! but it's all for fun. I think they have a full movie uploaded on youtube.

Honestly, I want a collar more than an engagement ring #subdreams

Posted by Gennie
Honestly, I want a collar more than an engagement ring #subdreams

for S&M that sounds hot.

black leather and lace!!

50 shades of grey!!

lol

that's exactly what happened to my Double virgo father in law. he didn't want to EVER get married again.

but he finally did after many many years.

he just didn't feel a piece of paper was worth it. But I don't know, since he caught cancer, he wanted to marry. Our law here gives money to the widow when and IF he passes before her. and properties to her. and he trusts and loves her.

edit -- but that's because they are old, senior citizens, so by that you should be able to trust your partner.

and also you want them to have something when you are gone. because that is the legacy of your love and time together.

Posted by AriesLove

Posted by ElleDuMonde

Posted by AriesLove

Posted by ElleDuMonde

Posted by AriesLove
I don't have time to argue with insecure, low self worth settling losers.

and I don't have time to argue with sheep.

I am owning AND renting right now and I promise you the perks for renting are much more enticing.

As far as relationships......not choosing marriage does not equal insecure, low self worth settling loser. It's a choice.

Don't be a sheep.

A mind state of loosing is a sheep. Life is about progressing and if you aren't you are a sheep and you put yourself in that position.

I almost forgot how pointless it was to have a discussion with you.

almost.......

Exactly I don't associate with losers and unhealthy people.

Constantly talking about how phucked up their situation is or can be or would be.

I don't want that disease.

click to expand

Where does it say she is not progressing? And I don't see her complaining about a fucked up life?

All I see is her explaining how her life is turning out for the better despite the crash of 2008.

Maybe you expected her to agree with you? But not everyone's life situation is the same and everyone deals with their situations differently.

Posted by puhleeze
i am talking about committed for years/decade without marriage. how is that possible? was just going thro' someones fb, and saw she had pictures with her now husband, from years ago. like what makes you stay in a relationship for 8-10 yrs without marriage. maybe it is possible when you get into a relationship at a young age, but otherwise how can you be confident about the commitment without a ring?

Sounds a bit like a lot of men and women think marriage is some kind of an insurance policy. Personally, I wouldn't want to be with a guy who only stayed with me because we had a wedding. I want him to be with me because he wants to, and not because he feels he has to.

The real commitment is in the feelings - not in the paper or in the ring.

If I was so insecure about our relationship that I couldn't be with him without being married to him, then I don't think he's the right guy for me anyway.

This is just how it works for me personally.

Posted by Libra82

Posted by puhleeze

Posted by TerramineLight
I'm pretty sure that's not how Marriage works. I think you have things backwards. You get married BECAUSE you're committed to the person. You don't get married TO commit. I mean you're literally saying the only way for people to be committed is if they're literally /forced/ to be by some ring.

i am talking about being committed for 8-10 yrs without thinking about marriage. marriage is the natural next step for a committed relationship. at least one partner will definitely want marriage after spending that long together? my question is after a few yrs of being committed isn't it natural to want marriage. marriage is not trying to trap the other person but wanting to spend the rest of your life with that person and wanting to build a family together with that person.

"Marriage is the natural next step for a committed relationship." Says who? Not everyone agrees with this. Also your first posts are implying women are the one wanting to get married and being "patient" if they haven't been married after a couple of years.

Marriage doesn't change your relationship with your partner. I wonder if the divorce rate would drop if people would focus more on the relationship than getting married for the sake of being married.

I think people should do what they want as long as both are on the same page.

I'm one of those who don't care about being married or not. It doesn't change my relationship more than legally. Our bond will still be the same whether we are married or not. To each his own.

click to expand

I agree with all this! I sometimes feel like some people (especially women) feel that peeew, I'm finally married, so now everything should just work magically. Imo, relationships need work whether you're married or not.

Posted by puhleeze
i am talking about committed for years/decade without marriage. how is that possible? was just going thro' someones fb, and saw she had pictures with her now husband, from years ago. like what makes you stay in a relationship for 8-10 yrs without marriage. maybe it is possible when you get into a relationship at a young age, but otherwise how can you be confident about the commitment without a ring?

How long were you in a relationship and when shit hits the fan how do you handle it?

Divorce rate is the lowest (women) if one gets married between the ages of 26 and 32. You're more likely to have more developed opinions on life and know what you want. If you've been committed so long it's practically the same as marriage then why not just get the papers? You can make certain arrangements together and speak on each other's behalf in important ways that you can't without it.. One thing I don't understand is how everyone went on a crusade to allow lgbt marriages if they don't think it's much of anything. Lol. You heard them tell all of the reasons why they needed it, and it wasn't just for adoptions and what not. If you don't want to then no biggie.

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by sultrykitty
"All those of you who cohabit and don't want to get married have more than likely had this discussion with your man and he does not see you as someone he wants to have that ULTIMATE commitment with and you have decided to "settle" with that!!"

Uhm nope.

This is how it went:

Him: "I love you. You're the only one who has ever understood me. You're my best friend and I can't ever see myself with anyone else. We belong together. I want to spend the rest of my life with with you."

Me: "So do you want to get married? "

Him: "I just don't believe in it. How is a piece of paper going to make me any more committed to you than I already am? I don't see the point in spending all that money for a wedding, honeymoon. I love you, and I'm not going anywhere. I just don't believe in marriage at all."

Me: "I don't really either"

And that was it.

You "settled"!! Had he said "yes babe. Let shop for a ring".. Would you have said no?! I don't think so!!

click to expand

Actually I probably wouldn't have, and at this point, I don't really see any reason to. I make more money and have more assets than he does. I hope he doesn't ask because I'd probably say no and I don't want to hurt him. It's not that I don't love him; the idea of marriage just freaks me out. And my parents have been married for 57 years, so it's not my upbringing.



Uranus conjunct Venus problems I guess.

Posted by busyeyes88
All these women on here saying marriage is not important are with men who don't want to marry them and they are happy to "settle".

Sure two people who are committed to each other in every way would want that sealed with one final COMMITTED step MARRIAGE....

I rest my case. Enjoy "co-habiting" people!!!

Clearly, by the responses in this thread, you are INcorrect.

North node 7th house might explain my take on it, but I feel it's a personal thing. I wouldn't advise marriage if you don't want it.. No matter how long. I don't see why not, but each situation probably has their reasons. Then again we have reasons for everything? Lol. Some reasons are good though. Can't talk yourself into it anyway.

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by sultrykitty

Posted by busyeyes88

Posted by sultrykitty
"All those of you who cohabit and don't want to get married have more than likely had this discussion with your man and he does not see you as someone he wants to have that ULTIMATE commitment with and you have decided to "settle" with that!!"

Uhm nope.

This is how it went:

Him: "I love you. You're the only one who has ever understood me. You're my best friend and I can't ever see myself with anyone else. We belong together. I want to spend the rest of my life with with you."

Me: "So do you want to get married? "

Him: "I just don't believe in it. How is a piece of paper going to make me any more committed to you than I already am? I don't see the point in spending all that money for a wedding, honeymoon. I love you, and I'm not going anywhere. I just don't believe in marriage at all."

Me: "I don't really either"

And that was it.

You "settled"!! Had he said "yes babe. Let shop for a ring".. Would you have said no?! I don't think so!!

Actually I probably wouldn't have, and at this point, I don't really see any reason to. I make more money and have more assets than he does. I hope he doesn't ask because I'd probably say no and I don't want to hurt him. It's not that I don't love him; the idea of marriage just freaks me out. And my parents have been married for 57 years, so it's not my upbringing.



Uranus conjunct Venus problems I guess.

You will say this to "save face" but the reality is, you were never given a choice..

click to expand

You don't stay with someone for 30 years to "save face".

Everyone has choices. You made yours, I made mine. I'm happy. Are you?