serenidad
@serenidad
3 Years1,000+ Posts
Comments: 25 · Posts: 1512 · Topics: 21
common law or marriage...? which do you prefer...?
Both is fine. As long as the law recognises your partnership and gives you equal rights.
Yeah being taken for the cleaners
Posted by Jan12girl
I prefer marriage for myself not because it is sacred but because its practical in lot of ways. I believe though , that people shouldnt be under so many social norms. Marriage or common law or anything else, people should be free to choose what works for them . The only thing is they should be independent (financially) and no messed up money issues if they have to find separate lives .
we did the common law application when we were living in canada for a little while (i'm a dual citizen. us/canada. i wanted to sponsor him, a us citizen in canada) we're temporarily in japan right now but sometimes i don't know how to properly explain our situation to people when they ask lol
i think there's only like 10 states that allow common law marriages (in america). i'm not quite sure. it's more accepted in canada, i think.
Common law. Marriage is for legal benefits like taxes and insurance.
If I could do without the titles I would but that has bitten me in the ass not locking things down. I would still prefer a lengthy time span before being committed. Not for my sake but hers. I already know what I want and understand myself. I know it when I see it. Others not so much. Which is fine, I want to be chosen too.
If I could do without the titles I would but that has bitten me in the ass not locking things down. I would still prefer a lengthy time span before being committed. Not for my sake but hers. I already know what I want and understand myself. I know it when I see it. Others not so much. Which is fine, I want to be chosen too.
I personally prefer marriage due to the sacred nature. My husband and I saved each other for marriage so it makes it kind of self-explanatory for us. But every couple has their own version of what works for them the best. ‘Tis the journey of life.
It wasn’t until 2 years into my marriage after a dental emergency I discovered and started understanding the practicality behind marriage in a country like America. The insurance and tax benefits can be like night and day for married vs unmarried people. My father never worked for a big corporation, he’s always had his own small business and America really doesn’t help the middle class when it comes to things like self-employed insurance or taxes (only the super rich get tax cuts or the low income avoid paying among the highest tax brackets). The system is so fucked up here that my parents are paying thousands a month for shitty health insurance coverage whereas due to the fact my husband works for a big corporation we get better health insurance benefits for like a freaking 1/10th the rate than my parents. It’s crazy and upsetting. And if you don’t have insurance at all you are at risk every. single. day. of going into a total life long debt over ONE serious accident as medical providers are not really capped and can easily bill outrageous rates in our great single-mindedly, for-profit of a country. I now get why some people marry their friends with long term or terminal illness so that they can get good insurance coverage to access better treatments without paying with all their limbs. People in other developed countries that utilize universal healthcare don’t have to worry every day with shit like this because their governments look after them regardless of whether they’re married or not to someone working for a big corporation if they aren’t themselves. That’s how America enslaves you. Offering people only employed under big corporations the best benefits at the best costs that are not attainable to anyone outside that. Our government helps low/no income families who pop out multiple kids for further welfare benefits more than the average, actual hardworking American. It’s all so nauseating and disgusting to realize. /rant
So yeah, back to the benefits of marriage. I’m sure it varies greatly by country but I don’t think it’s as bad elsewhere as it is in America. But regardless of what country I’d be in, I believe in being connected to my life partner through the fullest potential internally and externally and that just happens to include marriage in the current human society. I never really considered myself an all or nothing kind of person but I guess I’m deeply about that vibe. I always associated that concept to Scorpios but I’m not a Scorpio. I’m waaay less toxic and cray cray about it 😛 Unlike them I can probably let it all go in an instant. Like a switch.
It wasn’t until 2 years into my marriage after a dental emergency I discovered and started understanding the practicality behind marriage in a country like America. The insurance and tax benefits can be like night and day for married vs unmarried people. My father never worked for a big corporation, he’s always had his own small business and America really doesn’t help the middle class when it comes to things like self-employed insurance or taxes (only the super rich get tax cuts or the low income avoid paying among the highest tax brackets). The system is so fucked up here that my parents are paying thousands a month for shitty health insurance coverage whereas due to the fact my husband works for a big corporation we get better health insurance benefits for like a freaking 1/10th the rate than my parents. It’s crazy and upsetting. And if you don’t have insurance at all you are at risk every. single. day. of going into a total life long debt over ONE serious accident as medical providers are not really capped and can easily bill outrageous rates in our great single-mindedly, for-profit of a country. I now get why some people marry their friends with long term or terminal illness so that they can get good insurance coverage to access better treatments without paying with all their limbs. People in other developed countries that utilize universal healthcare don’t have to worry every day with shit like this because their governments look after them regardless of whether they’re married or not to someone working for a big corporation if they aren’t themselves. That’s how America enslaves you. Offering people only employed under big corporations the best benefits at the best costs that are not attainable to anyone outside that. Our government helps low/no income families who pop out multiple kids for further welfare benefits more than the average, actual hardworking American. It’s all so nauseating and disgusting to realize. /rant
So yeah, back to the benefits of marriage. I’m sure it varies greatly by country but I don’t think it’s as bad elsewhere as it is in America. But regardless of what country I’d be in, I believe in being connected to my life partner through the fullest potential internally and externally and that just happens to include marriage in the current human society. I never really considered myself an all or nothing kind of person but I guess I’m deeply about that vibe. I always associated that concept to Scorpios but I’m not a Scorpio. I’m waaay less toxic and cray cray about it 😛 Unlike them I can probably let it all go in an instant. Like a switch.
marriage. years ago i read a stat (and i don;t know how true it is) that people who live together are more likely to split up than those who marry.
it's sort of stuck with me and now i won't move in with my partner before we marry.
edit - here it is
"While the increased risk can be modest, the prediction is consistently supported with at least seven reports using six different samples, showing that those who start cohabiting before deciding to marry report lower average marital quality and are more likely to divorce."
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/sliding-vs-deciding/201807/the-risks-couples-moving-in-together
it's sort of stuck with me and now i won't move in with my partner before we marry.
edit - here it is
"While the increased risk can be modest, the prediction is consistently supported with at least seven reports using six different samples, showing that those who start cohabiting before deciding to marry report lower average marital quality and are more likely to divorce."
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/sliding-vs-deciding/201807/the-risks-couples-moving-in-together
Not interested in getting married again. Only 2 guys I lived with, I married. But kids are grown & I have my own money, own my place so don’t see a reason to get married again & risk losing what I have.
Posted by Lostthoughts
Common law. Marriage is for legal benefits like taxes and insurance.
If I could do without the titles I would but that has bitten me in the ass not locking things down. I would still prefer a lengthy time span before being committed. Not for my sake but hers. I already know what I want and understand myself. I know it when I see it. Others not so much. Which is fine, I want to be chosen too.
i think it's great that you're taking your time making sure everything's good before you jump into marriage.
from one guy to another, the best advice i can probably give is to never "wing it" like i did when i was 19 lol 😅
i was so young, i didn't even have the proper communication skills/problem solving skills to make my marriage last...it was a complete disaster...😅 so, definitely wait until you and your partner are both comfortable enough and mature enough
Posted by ImperfectStorm
I’d like to be married someday. But in hindsight, I’m glad that I did not marry my ex whom I was with for over a decade. Divorce is expensive, breaking up was free.. so I am glad that I did not marry young like a lot of my friends/family who had to go through nasty and expensive divorce.
With that said, I would still like to marry.. but I would be very careful about making that choice because I would want it to be with someone I could grow old with. 🙏🏼
it sounds like you made the right choice...i feel like it's important to find out who someone really is before marrying (for the sake of both partners)
in my opinion, a year or two is simply not enough time to really get to know someone. (how do they act when they are under stress? like when things aren't going their way, how do they act when they are angry? are they explosive? how do they act around temptations? etc these are all important questions)
no one's perfect however, some personality traits that may cause problems later on may not be so obvious at first..
Posted by SassyKiwi
I personally prefer marriage due to the sacred nature. My husband and I saved each other for marriage so it makes it kind of self-explanatory for us. But every couple has their own version of what works for them the best. ‘Tis the journey of life.
It wasn’t until 2 years into my marriage after a dental emergency I discovered and started understanding the practicality behind marriage in a country like America. The insurance and tax benefits can be like night and day for married vs unmarried people. My father never worked for a big corporation, he’s always had his own small business and America really doesn’t help the middle class when it comes to things like self-employed insurance or taxes (only the super rich get tax cuts or the low income avoid paying among the highest tax brackets). The system is so fucked up here that my parents are paying thousands a month for shitty health insurance coverage whereas due to the fact my husband works for a big corporation we get better health insurance benefits for like a freaking 1/10th the rate than my parents. It’s crazy and upsetting. And if you don’t have insurance at all you are at risk every. single. day. of going into a total life long debt over ONE serious accident as medical providers are not really capped and can easily bill outrageous rates in our great single-mindedly, for-profit of a country. I now get why some people marry their friends with long term or terminal illness so that they can get good insurance coverage to access better treatments without paying with all their limbs. People in other developed countries that utilize universal healthcare don’t have to worry every day with shit like this because their governments look after them regardless of whether they’re married or not to someone working for a big corporation if they aren’t themselves. That’s how America enslaves you. Offering people only employed under big corporations the best benefits at the best costs that are not attainable to anyone outside that. Our government helps low/no income families who pop out multiple kids for further welfare benefits more than the average, actual hardworking American. It’s all so nauseating and disgusting to realize. /rant
So yeah, back to the benefits of marriage. I’m sure it varies greatly by country but I don’t think it’s as bad elsewhere as it is in America. But regardless of what country I’d be in, I believe in being connected to my life partner through the fullest potential internally and externally and that just happens to include marriage in the current human society. I never really considered myself an all or nothing kind of person but I guess I’m deeply about that vibe. I always associated that concept to Scorpios but I’m not a Scorpio. I’m waaay less toxic and cray cray about it 😛 Unlike them I can probably let it all go in an instant. Like a switch.
i agree with you about the less-than-ideal state of healthcare in america. i was surprised that even in japan, you pay only 30% and kids and seniors even lower like 0-10% ...(with national/social health insurance) a doctor visit was something like 2000 yen (15 usd). and in canada, most doctor appointments are free/covered. ambulances might cost a few hundred dollars but will be partially covered, i think. i also remember CT, MRI and blood tests being free/covered as well. american health care is in need of a complete overhaul for sure...
i love how you said being connected to your partner through the fullest potential internally and externally is a great reason for marriage. i can def relate to that all or nothing mentality lol it's cool that you and your husband saved each other for marriage too. that's so rare nowadays and i respect it.
Posted by jeane
marriage. years ago i read a stat (and i don;t know how true it is) that people who live together are more likely to split up than those who marry.
it's sort of stuck with me and now i won't move in with my partner before we marry.
edit - here it is
"While the increased risk can be modest, the prediction is consistently supported with at least seven reports using six different samples, showing that those who start cohabiting before deciding to marry report lower average marital quality and are more likely to divorce."
https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/sliding-vs-deciding/201807/the-risks-couples-moving-in-together
thank you, i will definitely keep this in mind.
when you move in together, the novelty definitely wears off faster than if you didn't move in together, but
as i've mentioned above, i still believe it's crucial to see all sides of someone before marrying them and, i think the quickest way to do that is to move in together even for a little while and observe them in their natural habitat lol 😂
Posted by PuzzlePieces
Not interested in getting married again. Only 2 guys I lived with, I married. But kids are grown & I have my own money, own my place so don’t see a reason to get married again & risk losing what I have.
i can respect that. if you're at a very peaceful place with life right now, there's little reason to disrupt the peace unless there's a super special person wanting to be a part of your life. 🙂
Posted by serenidadPosted by Lostthoughts
Common law. Marriage is for legal benefits like taxes and insurance.
If I could do without the titles I would but that has bitten me in the ass not locking things down. I would still prefer a lengthy time span before being committed. Not for my sake but hers. I already know what I want and understand myself. I know it when I see it. Others not so much. Which is fine, I want to be chosen too.
i think it's great that you're taking your time making sure everything's good before you jump into marriage.
from one guy to another, the best advice i can probably give is to never "wing it" like i did when i was 19 lol 😅
i was so young, i didn't even have the proper communication skills/problem solving skills to make my marriage last...it was a complete disaster...😅 so, definitely wait until you and your partner are both comfortable enough and mature enoughclick to expand
No, I know people and can read most pretty quickly. I have a sixth sense about how I will mesh with someone. The more I get to know someone the more accurate I get. Atm I'd take a best friend over simple love relationship. I'm having trouble picturing myself in a standard romantic relationship.
You would be right in the past. Even then it was nativity and always seeing the good in others. Still do. Now I look at the not so great aspects too. I will say, another men's trash is another man's treasure applies here too.
Not everyone can handle my type.
Posted by LostthoughtsPosted by serenidadPosted by Lostthoughts
Common law. Marriage is for legal benefits like taxes and insurance.
If I could do without the titles I would but that has bitten me in the ass not locking things down. I would still prefer a lengthy time span before being committed. Not for my sake but hers. I already know what I want and understand myself. I know it when I see it. Others not so much. Which is fine, I want to be chosen too.
i think it's great that you're taking your time making sure everything's good before you jump into marriage.
from one guy to another, the best advice i can probably give is to never "wing it" like i did when i was 19 lol 😅
i was so young, i didn't even have the proper communication skills/problem solving skills to make my marriage last...it was a complete disaster...😅 so, definitely wait until you and your partner are both comfortable enough and mature enough
No, I know people and can read most pretty quickly. I have a sixth sense about how I will mesh with someone. The more I get to know someone the more accurate I get. Atm I'd take a best friend over simple love relationship. I'm having trouble picturing myself in a standard romantic relationship.
You would be right in the past. Even then it was nativity and always seeing the good in others. Still do. Now I look at the not so great aspects too. I will say, another men's trash is another man's treasure applies here too.
Not everyone can handle my type.click to expand
that’s great. knowing what you want makes life easier. i think the best kinds of relationships are the ones where you two started out as friends and it turned into something more. ‘cause it’s hard to be in a romantic relationship with someone you can’t even imagine being friends with. so you’re actually right in thinking that finding a best friend is more important than finding a romantic partner.
Neither.
I am never getting married.
I am never getting married.
You should ask your man if he is still keen to get married and go from there. Could be he's changed his mind and doesn't need that. Or he still wants to. Let that guide you.
insurance
Posted by LadyNeptune
You should ask your man if he is still keen to get married and go from there. Could be he's changed his mind and doesn't need that. Or he still wants to. Let that guide you.
he knows i'm a little apprehensive about marriage so, he's not like tryna force, be pushy about it or anything.
but he was actually the one who initially brought up the conversation about making it official, which eventually led to us applying for common law in canada.
@borednbeautiful
really...? 😳 you always kinda struck me as someone who is a romantic at heart (believes in true love and grand gestures and things like that lol from some of your threads in the past) maybe i just assumed...? haha
@virgoOPPP
lol
really...? 😳 you always kinda struck me as someone who is a romantic at heart (believes in true love and grand gestures and things like that lol from some of your threads in the past) maybe i just assumed...? haha
@virgoOPPP
lol
Posted by serenidadPosted by PuzzlePieces
Not interested in getting married again. Only 2 guys I lived with, I married. But kids are grown & I have my own money, own my place so don’t see a reason to get married again & risk losing what I have.
i can respect that. if you're at a very peaceful place with life right now, there's little reason to disrupt the peace unless there's a super special person wanting to be a part of your life. 🙂click to expand
Exactly 🙂
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for those of you who have been divorced in the past, do you have any traumas when it comes to taking a chance at marriage once more...?
my cousin asked me yesterday if i was gonna eventually transition out of common law and get married and it got me kinda thinking...
i got married once as a teenager (when i was 19) and i'm a little hesitant to do it again...
not because i have any commitment issues (i don't at all. i like stability and the peace that it brings) but i guess i wanted to make sure that the relationship would last first and that i wasn't gonna hurt anyone...?
(i walked into my last marriage not knowing who i really was, what i even wanted out of life, and took on way too many responsibilities and exhausted myself...i was never home due to work and school...my wife stayed at home mostly aside from her part-time job/volunteering that she did for fun...she started getting really lonely...i would come home after she went to bed so communication eventually became non-existent too...that was the hardest part for me...the communication being gone...i still carry a lot of guilt from this period of my life...)
anyway, so this time around, i told my partner "we can do common law once we hit the 5 year mark" and he was fine with that (my current s/o is a guy...just wanted to avoid any pronoun confusions later lol😅) it's been 8 years, almost 9 but we've both been so comfortable in the relationship that we just haven't discussed marriage in a while...?
to us, it seems obvious that we'll still be together, i guess?
we're always like "hey, let's do/go to ____next year" (talking about the future as if it's already a given? lol😅 )
i'm not even sure at this point if we even need to transition out of common law...? i just don't even know...