My husband cheated on me.. (Page 3)

Posted by DonJohnson
Isn't Truecap a Bonnie Tyler looking burnout in her 50's and alone with her cats?

a

Uhhh....no.

Posted by truecap

Posted by DonJohnson
btw it's far more dysfunctional to raise a child as a single parent than to staying together, even if it means you will be unhappy for a while. this is a fact of life.

How many children do you have?

Where your parents married or divorced?

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I don't understand why you have everything so personally. He was talking impartially.


What he said is true.

Worse though ... are the stupid single parents. To be a single parent is fine so long as they are using brain cells ... but, we've got really dumb people out there who cannot even manage to know it means when other people have interactions with them, being the example for children.


Now that's fucking scary. Look at all the people who come in here not understanding a look on their own partners face. If you cannot grasp other people mean as they are interacting with you ..... and you're a single parent, so being the primary teacher of a child .... then that's fucking frightening as hell.

Posted by DonJohnson

Posted by truecap

Posted by DonJohnson
btw it's far more dysfunctional to raise a child as a single parent than to staying together, even if it means you will be unhappy for a while. this is a fact of life.

How many children do you have?

Where your parents married or divorced?

let me guess. you're a single mother.

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I'm just curious to how you came to your conclusion and what experiences led you to believe that.

Posted by DonJohnson

Posted by truecap

Posted by DonJohnson
btw it's far more dysfunctional to raise a child as a single parent than to staying together, even if it means you will be unhappy for a while. this is a fact of life.

How many children do you have?

Where your parents married or divorced?

let me guess. you're a single mother.

click to expand

My kids were 15 and 18 when we divorced and they both said they were happier and felt more secure after the divorce than they felt while we were living together. They said there was so much tension that they couldn't relax and be themselves. They both felt like once we were both happy, then they were happier too because our attitudes were so much better. So, no I was not a single mom throughout most of their childhood. They are both grown now and have a pretty good insight to what it's like to live in an unhappy home.

I've also heard a lot of other people attest to what they said about their childhood experiences.

So, I suppose in some instances you are right, but it's not a 100% fact.

Posted by ellle

Posted by P-Angel

oh no, not even that much ...... there's no doubt in my mind that numerous people exist who would blow you for a pack of ciggs if they're broke and have been jonesing for a while.

DJ knows this scenario personally.

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So do I. So does everyone.

The amount of times that I've done something I didn't want to do for a personal gain is immeasurable.

Posted by DonJohnson

Posted by truecap

Posted by DonJohnson

Posted by truecap

Posted by DonJohnson
btw it's far more dysfunctional to raise a child as a single parent than to staying together, even if it means you will be unhappy for a while. this is a fact of life.

How many children do you have?

Where your parents married or divorced?

let me guess. you're a single mother.

I'm just curious to how you came to your conclusion and what experiences led you to believe that.

and i was correct.

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I can't be curious about you? But, Oh, okay. Avoid the question. Blame it on me for taking it "personally". lol!

Posted by ellle

Posted by P-Angel

oh no, not even that much ...... there's no doubt in my mind that numerous people exist who would blow you for a pack of ciggs if they're broke and have been jonesing for a while.

DJ knows this scenario personally.

click to expand

Lol

Posted by jeane

Posted by aquarius09
Known devil is better than the unknown devil. If you leave this guy for cheating and then your next guy cheats as well (because 95% of them do cheat), then you remain on square one. It's better to tame the current douche you have.

87% of all statistics on the internet are made up.

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lol

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by ellle

Posted by P-Angel

oh no, not even that much ...... there's no doubt in my mind that numerous people exist who would blow you for a pack of ciggs if they're broke and have been jonesing for a while.

DJ knows this scenario personally.

So do I. So does everyone.

The amount of times that I've done something I didn't want to do for a personal gain is immeasurable.

click to expand

I heart honest people

Posted by aurora
after 25 yrs of marriage i doubt i would care? if we stayed that long i mean i would hive five him? i have no idea.

That's right! 25 yrs, they gave it a good shot. That's my way of thinking as well. Virgo is just frightened of the future, and needs to learn how to be self-sufficient.

Guys
I was very young when I got married, moved from England to USA. I was very comfortable with my husband. He is a easy going guy we together have a good life and three children. We laugh and play with them, but he is reckless in business, and now we are seeing the results last three years have been hard. I blamed him, and must have said hurtful things.
This libra guy is a doctor, it is just a crush, the more I feel attached with him the more I respect him. I don't eve have the courage to talk to him, we belong to A very conservative community. I was struggling with that, but have no intentions of cheating with him.
I never suspected my husband will do such a thing, I feel ashamed, and disrespected, I wish I had an excuse for him, cuz I can't even hate him. We have cried together. I have spent half of the nights I parks benches crying, and him looking for me, no body cane even imagine what we are going through...
I can never leave him, and he says, I am all he has, he will die but not leave me
He has no answer wfir what he has done
We are not together for our kids we will be good parents wherever we are, we don't know any thing but each other, but now it is very hard

Maybe counselling will help.

Posted by Virgo21

I blamed him, and must have said hurtful things.

But, you're not going to quite admit that you said some hurtful things to him. To say that you must have is essentially responding like, "if you say so".

You know that you said hurtful things. You don't even admit when you're wrong. You say, "well, I must have if you say so"

That's not holding yourself accountable for saying something fucked up to him. Sounds like you expect him to hold himself accountable for his actions in the marriage, yet, you won't hold yourself to the same standards.

Posted by Virgo21

I never suspected my husband will do such a thing, I feel ashamed, and disrespected, I wish I had an excuse for him

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Do you think your husband has ever suspected that you're an emotional cheater? Would he be ashamed and feel disrespected? Would he come up with an excuse for what you did?

lay the truth on him. Tell him what you told us - that you would go to the grave loving this (other) man .... and let's see what song you sing then.

Virgo 21 - If he was reckless in business why are you surprised that he was reckless with your family? Not saying to be critical but hopefully you can look at people a little more carefully. There is a pattern here with people and you can see it reflected in everything they say and do.

Posted by DonJohnson
btw it's far more dysfunctional to raise a child as a single parent than to staying together, even if it means you will be unhappy for a while. this is a fact of life.

I disagree with this statement. I am a single mom and have raised my children as a single mom. I have been divorced for 13 years and I can say my kids are good kids and well rounded. I have never required public assistance. It has not always been easy but I have worked my rear off to achieve what I have accomplished. I have never received child - support. I now own my own business for the last 2 years and probably surpass my ex-husbands income. Now keep in mind my ex-husband and I are normal reasonable people and have healthy co-parenting and I think that is key. I have seen bickering co-parenting destroy kids lives in divorced families. I don't have men in and out of my kids lives because I fear creepy in men pedophiles and abusers. It has made it hard for single life but I wouldn't change it for the world. Being a single-parent has showen me what I am made of. If my ex-husband and I stayed together I am sure the fighting would have continued and that is never healthy for kids to be part of. Believe it or not your kids seeing you unhappy is also not healthy. You have to pick your battles which is the worse of the two evils? 1) Raise kids in a dysfunctional environment of unhappiness 2) Have a tough life of financially being the bread-winner for hour family. For me if I stayed married for the kids sake I would have settled into a mediocre life because my ex-husband would have feared the risk I took in career. It is just not who I am ....someone who settles.

One thing to keep in mind after divorce with kids, they should always be the priority.

Posted by bella_fish

Posted by DonJohnson
btw it's far more dysfunctional to raise a child as a single parent than to staying together, even if it means you will be unhappy for a while. this is a fact of life.

I disagree with this statement. I am a single mom and have raised my children as a single mom. I have been divorced for 13 years and I can say my kids are good kids and well rounded. I have never required public assistance. It has not always been easy but I have worked my rear off to achieve what I have accomplished. I have never received child - support. I now own my own business for the last 2 years and probably surpass my ex-husbands income. Now keep in mind my ex-husband and I are normal reasonable people and have healthy co-parenting and I think that is key. I have seen bickering co-parenting destroy kids lives in divorced families. I don't have men in and out of my kids lives because I fear creepy in men pedophiles and abusers. It has made it hard for single life but I wouldn't change it for the world. Being a single-parent has showen me what I am made of. If my ex-husband and I stayed together I am sure the fighting would have continued and that is never healthy for kids to be part of. Believe it or not your kids seeing you unhappy is also not healthy. You have to pick your battles which is the worse of the two evils? 1) Raise kids in a dysfunctional environment of unhappiness 2) Have a tough life of financially being the bread-winner for hour family. For me if I stayed married for the kids sake I would have settled into a mediocre life because my ex-husband would have feared the risk I took in career. It is just not who I am ....someone who settles.

One thing to keep in mind after divorce with kids, they should always be the priority.

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Your personal experiences as a single parent are irrelevant, considering you are speaking from and individual aspect, while he was speaking as a whole.

it's like ... you would argue that smoking cigarettes are perfectly safe because you've never gotten lung cancer


As a whole, he is correct .. and your little experiences have no value in the argument

Of course, it's solvable ... but not until she holds herself accountable for her part, as well as him.

I haven't read anywhere in here where she holds herself at fault in an equal part of the demise of her relationship.

Emotional attachments in a romantic manner, is emotional cheating, and equal to physical cheating .. if not more important of a component.

When she is able to reach this state of awareness, then she'll be able to realize a resolution,.

I hope when I'm writing this,you already feel better even a bit...stay strong my dear....I can understand how much it hurt.dont blame yourself ,cheater always have excuse to be cheat on their partner ,they cheat u once,they will do it again..dont listen to itheir excuse.just don't.i don't want to listen to my ex be excuses and I don't want to let him blame me for that. Stay strong and move on.