What if someone didn't

tell you that they cheated on their spouse before or if ever, BEFORE they married you. (2nd marriage) I was thinking about this. I know someone that never shared with her current husband that she was cheating on her ex husband, she told me she would take it to her grave. (he was cheated on by his ex wife) So, I've thought a lot about this since I've been in the dating scene. I ask if someone has cheated on their spouse, I want to know the truth.

I feel she started her marriage on a foundation of lies, now that I think of it. That's a HUGE secret to keep from him, in my opinion.

What do you think? How would you feel if someone did this, married you and didn't share that?

I wouldnt like it but it would depend a lot on the relationship and time spent beforehand.

Posted by Impulsv
I feel the same way

Knowing would help me make an educated decision

I guess as a Scorpio why I investigate as much as I can

But even then ...

They way I'd see him would change

Yeah, it hit me recently to realize she screwed him out of the choice.

There's no need to share your past history with your exs. what happened is in the past, if someone didn't it once, doesn't mean will do it again you should trust that he or she loves you and will respect you.

Posted by WateryGem
tell you that they cheated on their spouse before or if ever, BEFORE they married you. (2nd marriage) I was thinking about this. I know someone that never shared with her current husband that she was cheating on her ex husband, she told me she would take it to her grave. (he was cheated on by his ex wife) So, I've thought a lot about this since I've been in the dating scene. I ask if someone has cheated on their spouse, I want to know the truth.

I feel she started her marriage on a foundation of lies, now that I think of it. That's a HUGE secret to keep from him, in my opinion.

What do you think? How would you feel if someone did this, married you and didn't share that?

Well if we're already married, I'm not going to divorce the person. Something he has done in the past doesn't suddenly erase my affection, our memories or the list of reasons I've decided to say "I do". I wouldn't be pleased, but context is important to me. People cheat for a number of reasons and very little has to do with sex. With that stated, what led my partner to cheat in his previous relationship may never apply to our relationship. It's irrelevant.

Making the decision to cheat in a previous relationship doesn't mean he will do it again. Likewise, just because someone has never cheated in the past doesn't mean he/she won't in the future. Context is important.

It’s her secret to do with what she wants. I think this sort of thing should stay where it is, in the past.

How would I fell? If she didn’t tell me, I wouldn’t mind, if she told me I wouldn’t hold it against her, isn’t that what marriage is about? There’s no way she can explain all the details/reasons behind it.

If she felt like she needed to clear her conscience, then she could tell him, but if she’s fine not telling him, then she’s not doing anything wrong.

I don’t think she “started her marriage on a foundation of lies” … he was happy to get married to her, are they happy now, that’s the main thing? I’m not the type of person to dwell on the past, bringing up the past is the biggest lie of them all, telling him could be a lie, because how can he really understand what was going on with her previous marriage at the time?

Posted by Harukka
You think people tell the new partners in their life about things like this ? Really?

Even here.. people ALWAYS blame the other partner for everything .

truth

Posted by Aerazo

There's no need to share your past history with your exs. what happened is in the past

What the hell kind of nonsense is this?

Keeping a secret of this magnitude is a deal breaker, regardless ..... if a person doesn't have integrity, and would risk me to keep himself free of guilt ... then he was never a keeper in the first place.

Sex has nothing to do with this equation.

It's about respecting your partner, and garnering trust and devotion.

The problem with this is that by the time you start asking questions like this, you're already 5 dates in and have feelings already. Once you have feelings and you recognize that the feeling is mutual, you don't want to lose that feeling. So, they hide the dark past to keep the sunlight on the relationship. People won't admit this willingly.

It's really none of their business either. No, I don't wanna know how big her exes dick was, I don't give a shit. Same principle applies here.

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by Aerazo

There's no need to share your past history with your exs. what happened is in the past

What the hell kind of nonsense is this?

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Why nonsense? I do say who my ex was, but why go into details of the relationship. We are supposed to learn from the mistakes in past relationships no? why create insecurities with a new partner? And in my case, if I'm with someone is because I really like him and I'd want to build new trust, not crush it.

But I'm an open nook. if they ask me I will answer. although I do not ask my current partner about his last with his exs.

The real issue/concern is that this woman clearly doesn't value honesty. She basically lies her way through her relationships. It's easy to say "her past is her past". However in reality she's a liar. Her inability to be honest led to her past infidelity. Now she's choosing to be rely on her own dishonesty again to keep her life together with her current husband. If this woman's spouse EVER found out, she might be completely screwed. If she were honest about her past from the beginning, then she wouldn't run the risk of her secret possibly controlling her life.

I personally would want to know early about any past indiscretions like this, just so that I could form an informed opinion about the person.

If someone didn't tell me it would be because they straight up lied to my face. Asking the "have you ever cheated or been cheated on" is something I ask by the second or third date.

And if you lied to me then, what else have you lied about...?

Posted by Harukka
You think people tell the new partners in their life about things like this ? Really?

Even here.. people ALWAYS blame the other partner for everything .

I know they do. I talk to men that tell the truth and I respect the shit out of them. I do agree that most blame others for everything vs looking at themselves. I've met a man that blames his ex wife vs seeing his part in the failure of his marriage and so on.



Getting to know people is the only way to build any solid relationships. Truth is the only way to get that, in my opinion. Allowing someone to see all of you is how you know your accepted for who you are, not what they want you to be..

Posted by ScorpioTruth
My dad cheated on my mom and never told either of his new wives. (He is now on his third marriage) he did not cheat on either of his later wives though. I think with him, it had more to do with his age, and I think my mom took his virginity.

Some people are just serial cheaters.. In those cases, yes I would want to know. But if it an isolated incident that happened 10-15 years ago, I don't want to know about it.

she met her current husband, 3wks after leaving her ex husband. So, it wasn't in the far past, ya know?

Posted by LadyNeptune
If someone didn't tell me it would be because they straight up lied to my face. Asking the "have you ever cheated or been cheated on" is something I ask by the second or third date.

And if you lied to me then, what else have you lied about...?

I ask the same!! I want to know these things, especially at my age when most men are divorced. I want to know the deeper issues, I want to see that he has grown deep insight to what he has done wrong and worked on himself inside.

I always ask, after a few dates, about their most significant relationships...who ended them and why, and other questions. I have never got a man to admit he was cheating! "My ex wife accused me of it, but I've always been loyal" is a typical answer.

What difference would it make if I knew they were cheating on their ex...? Not much... I'm more concerned with their ability to satisfy one single woman....myself. I'm getting friskier by the day and they have their stud times behind them lol.

*rolls eyes* about lying....



People...humans.... lie every day, many times a day, most often to their SO. Fact. Swallow it or move to Mars. On your own.

Posted by Undine
I always ask, after a few dates, about their most significant relationships...who ended them and why, and other questions. I have never got a man to admit he was cheating! "My ex wife accused me of it, but I've always been loyal" is a typical answer.

What difference would it make if I knew they were cheating on their ex...? Not much... I'm more concerned with their ability to satisfy one single woman....myself. I'm getting friskier by the day and they have their stud times behind them lol.

LOLOLOL *their stud times behind them*

I've had men admit to cheating on their ex wife.

Posted by Aerazo
There's no need to share your past history with your exs. what happened is in the past, if someone didn't it once, doesn't mean will do it again you should trust that he or she loves you and will respect you.

Actually, yes this was info he did need to know since he met her right after she left her ex husband. I'm talking WEEKS after she left her husband. She lied and made her ex husband look like a fool and a psycho, bc he kept trying to get her to admit cheating on him.

It's one thing if we're talking about 10yrs or something but when this all went down it was current.

Posted by SomeSortOfMermaid

Posted by Undine
*rolls eyes* about lying....



People...humans.... lie every day, many times a day, most often to their SO. Fact. Swallow it or move to Mars. On your own.

There is a massive difference between insignificant white lies and withholding important info though. It matters to enough people as the thread has shown.

Besides no one is saying they've never lied.

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You said what I was about to type. LOL