What to make of it all

Thank you in advance for any comments on this topic.

My situation is the following:

My wife of 2 months is exhibiting a behavior that I question, but am not sure if it's an issue on my part.

There have been 2 scenarios that have created some frustration for me:

1.) At a family gathering my wife was working in the kitchen with her brother-in-law. There were other family members working in the area as well. At some point I guess my wife backed into her brother-in-law by mistake. His response was to say to me that I better get my wife because she shouldn't be doing that to him but instead to me. As he said that she said to me in a joking manner "Don't believe him" while laughing. A few minutes later I was watching him and he appeared to be maneuvering himself behind my wife. Shortly thereafter there was a repeat of the incident where he effectively said the same thing to me followed up by my wife making the same "Don't believe him" statement. Later that evening I told her that I thought that his comments were disrespectful and that I was tempted to say something but held my tongue. Her response was that he was from an older generation and that he might be used to talking that way. I guess I felt that she was encouraging him by laughing along with him. I never really let that incident fade in my mind and I'm wondering whether I'm just being "too much."

2.) My brother-in-law was coming to my house to pick up some food and I gave him a call to let him know to bring a pot for the food. My wife was nearby and just said out of the blue "i'm in my PJ's so I can't be of any assistance." One he got there my wife greeted him and then said to him "now I'm off to the shower." Personally I thought that was a bit much. She went up stairs and then quickly came back down to see if he'd be interested in some extra cold medication for his wife(her sister) who had a cold. I was out of view at the time because I was cooking the food, but as she brought him the medication(2 boxes) one of the boxes fell out of her hand and on to the floor. There seemed to be some shuffling and then I heard her say "Don't even try it." in a joking manner. I could guess what probably occurred, but I don't know for sure. As she left she told him "I'm off to the budoir." and left for the final time.

I know context and other things play a role in the interpretation of what occurred so I'm trying not to jump to any conclusions, but I feel like there is something between them. She doesn't speak to him on any regular basis, but on the occasions when they are in the same room, it seems apparent that they look to "vibe" off each other via conversation(e.g. looking for excuses to start talking).

I would appreciate any thoughts on this because it seems once you're in a relationship your view of things can be distorted.

I think you need to take a chill pill.

flirt with her sister

even better, flirt with your brother

so she won't feel the need to flirt with him anymore

monopolize his time

Some people are natural flirts. Besides those incidents, are there signs of an affair? If not, I wouldn't think anything of it.

Odd occurrences



You’re not being too much. Both occasions were out of line.

Posted by bkbella86

Odd occurrences



You’re not being too much. Both occasions were out of line.

I agree

Do they do this in front of her sister too?

Thank you all for the replies. I definitely have a new perspective to consider.

It does seem that these are isolated incidences. There is no regular contact between them and that has been one thing that has lead me to think that it's not what I think it is. I would expect that if it were something the contact would become more frequent. Admittedly I think I am on the jealous side of human nature so I tend to default to that position in certain situations.

For those who asked:

Her: Sagittarius

Me: Virgo

In the first scenario her sister was in the same room. Since I've known my wife there have been issues with my brother-in-law and his wife. She has often referred to herself by her maiden name instead of her married name with a not so subtle hint that she would be done with him under the right circumstances.

Not having a woman's perspective, personally, was probably the issue for me. I see it as being in a personal zone where you don't belong, but I imagine this is something women deal with on a regular basis. I guess the only thing I can do is to continue observing and leaving conclusions on the sidelines.

Thank you all again for you time as this was a real challenge to address in my own mind without a competing point of view.

This is inappropriate. I’m a Sag and was married for a while and I can understand the casual laughing and fun but your brother in law is pushing some boundaries because she’s being “nice” and brushing him off politely.

Is there a reason why you aren’t saying anything to your wife? You should tell her that you don’t care how “nice” she’s being, but you don’t like the behavior and don’t trust him so you want her to keep some distance.

But she clearly loves the attention she’s getting since she can tell he’s attracted to her.

You see how fun and flirty he’s being? You should try it. She’s clearly lacking attention from you.

If the guy is having issues in his own marriage, he’s not gonna care about yours. Especially if he thinks you got the better pick between sisters 👯‍♀️

Posted by MrsElleCappysnatch

I would approach this as telling her she is allowing him to disrespect her.....not you.

That may have a different outcome than saying it is bothering you.

After all, this really is about her boundaries and allowing a man to be disrespectful towards her.

I dont care what generation he is....it would take one warning from me and after that, he would get his feelings hurt.

Yes ma'am

👍

It's your brother in law, not your "wife of 2 months" who crosses boundaries. Your wife seems like an easy going, tolerant, friendly human being, qualities that probably attracted you to her. No, I don't think they are about to embark in an affair, lol.

Backing into someone who deliberately placed himself behind her back, was an accident waiting to happen. You could have cut his gloating short by saying to his face that you found his behaviour disrespectful.

I'm not entirely sure what he did wrong, the second time around. You must be having the hearing of an wolf, if you can hear what people are talking elsewhere, while you are busy cooking. Have a word with him, in private.

Posted by MrsElleCappysnatch

I would approach this as telling her she is allowing him to disrespect her.....not you.

That may have a different outcome than saying it is bothering you.

After all, this really is about her boundaries and allowing a man to be disrespectful towards her.

I dont care what generation he is....it would take one warning from me and after that, he would get his feelings hurt.

As a Sagittarius, I will say it's not about her allowing him to disrespect her. She obviously doesn't see it as this and most likely thinks it's harmless.

Her husband needs to step in and talk to the guy and remind him he has a wife at home. And he needs to say it in front of her, so she can chill the fuck out. She clearly doesn't see what affect it's having on her husband, since he's so busy watching and letting it all unfold.

I'm air/fire dom and have a much older brother-in-law who can be inappropriate on a similar level as your wife’s brother-in-law. Except unlike your wife I show my disdain for him quietly and subtlety because I know his intentions are bad so confronting him will only cause him to take it to farther lengths to create more drama. My brother-in-law doesn’t do it in front of my husband so he has no fucking clue, even if he did he’d be too pussy to stand up to him (it’s his older sister’s husband). You’re not like my husband, you’re aware, but don’t be a pussy so fucking confront him and tell him he might not respect his wife and marriage but for him to respect yours. It’s your responsibility to step in as her husband.

Yeah I take that kind of stuff way too seriously.. And to me it feels like your wife is encouraging the situation, I'm not sure what's her game plan but that's what I get from the situation.

Taking a chill pill— Absolutely not. Watch carefully and observe how far they go, then you know the rest.

If you observe this happening right in front of you I would speak to him on the side and tell him to stop doing what he just did to your wife. Its not appropriate.

Posted by FactCheck

Posted by virgoOPPP

even better, flirt with your brother

so she won't feel the need to flirt with him anymore

monopolize his time

I second this. Accidentally bump into your brother in law with your crotch a few times.

click to expand

if someone hoes around on you, best to eff with their mind

Posted by FactCheck

Posted by virgoOPPP

even better, flirt with your brother

so she won't feel the need to flirt with him anymore

monopolize his time

I second this. Accidentally bump into your brother in law with your crotch a few times.

click to expand

See how he likes it! 😆

Posted by sagaciouscorp

Posted by notreally

If you observe this happening right in front of you I would speak to him on the side and tell him to stop doing what he just did to your wife. Its not appropriate.

But the thing is he spoke to his wife already n she’s continues

click to expand

So ? what you are saying has nothing to do with what I said. I said confront him and deal with him.