What's the difference?

They did a recent study (October 2010) at Harvard University on 26,000 men/women in the US (of all races). They found out that 76.8% of men did NOT mind if their girlfriends or wives were bi-sexual as long as there was no cheating going on.

But yet only 32% of women were ok with getting into a relationship or marriage with a man who was bisexual or somewhat attracted to the same sex.

I wonder why that is?

I get it, I get it, men can sometimes def. be into the whole "3-some" thing. When they hear that girls like other girls, they immediately start envisioning their deepest fantasies of seeing girl on girl action. I also understand that when women imagine 2 men together in a sexual manner that it doesn't necessarily turn on the "lust" button for them.

But the ladies don't seem to be too thrilled or too accepting of a man who is bisexual or whose been with other men before, even if that very man promises that he'll be faithful OR atleast that if he cheats, that it won't be with another man.

That's so backwards to me.

To me, it's all the same. Why does it seems like men are much more ok with dating someone bisexual vs. women being ok with it? The study even showed that if a bisexual woman were to be with a woman, she wouldn't knock her partner for being bisexual, but yet had that very same woman been dating a bisexual man, there'd be problems, insecurity & trust issues. Idk, it all seems kind of silly to me.

a lot fewer guys are into 3somes than think they are, or who laugh along like pervos because they want to seem like one of the guys.

also, most people assume bisexual women aren't really bisexual, that they're just exploring sexuality or are freaky or whatever, or that they only fool around with other girls to get attention from guys.

most people assume bisexual men aren't really bisexual either, that they're actually all gay, and just not willing to admit it.

and those assumptions are probably a pretty huge reason why the numbers are what they are.

B/w a girlfriend vs. a wife OR a boyfriend vs. a husband OTHER THAN the a marriage license?

What exactly are you giving/receiving from your spouse that you weren't already giving/receiving when you were just in a relationship? lol I see now why some people feel that there's no need in getting married if you're already acting like or getting all the perks of being married w/o actually having to be married lol

Some would say that the difference is that when you get married, you're faithful, loyal, honest, etc.

My question though is um weren't you already doing those things while you were in a relationship? lol And if you weren't, why weren't you?

How can a relationship even graduate to marriage-status if you weren't somewhat already a loyal, faithful, or "spouse-like" BEFORE the engagement? lol

That's a fantastic topic!!!

Wifey/hubby title puts on the pressure to be on your best behavior because that title means "I wanna have kids with you". Marriage is for people who want to have children. If you don't like children and don't care to have them, then don't get married and stay with a partner that shares your sentiments on children.

Bf/Gf is the trial and error phase. I'm checking if you are the right person for me. If I like you enough to want children with you, I'll upgrade your status. The title of a wife and husband is the highest rank since respect is given to that relationship in society and legally. Every other relationship status is just secondary and not taken seriously.

Often you hear home wreckers say things like, "I didn't see a ring on his finger" as justifications. On a subconscious level, even a home wrecker realizes the value or respect given to a husband/wife relationship.

Marriage is not taken lightly by people, especially legally nowadays. So, if you have chosen someone as your spouse, you are just that sure about them and your families are involved! This way if the marriage crumbles, families interfere to salvage the relationship. On the contrary, families don't really do that when a bf/gf relationship is breaking apart because 1) it happens all the time; and 2) there are usually no children the extended family is thinking about.

The contract and the commitment that it entails.

Posted by tw1nk1e
With a boyfriend I will always put myself first.
With a husband, he is myself.

😉

That about sums it up for me too.

Posted by tw1nk1e
With a boyfriend I will always put myself first.
With a husband, he is myself.

😉

That's an unrealistic difference in the two that you've described.

I call it unrealistic because we all know that humans are creatures of habit. If you were putting yourself first in non marital relationships, who is to say that you would suddenly snap your fingers and change this habit when you get married. That's like a player saying that after marriage, I'll stick to one woman. LOL.

There are legal benefits to being married, whereas there are no legal benefits to not being married.

Posted by tw1nk1e

Posted by aquarius09

Posted by tw1nk1e
With a boyfriend I will always put myself first.
With a husband, he is myself.

😉

That's an unrealistic difference in the two that you've described.

I call it unrealistic because we all know that humans are creatures of habit. If you were putting yourself first in non marital relationships, who is to say that you would suddenly snap your fingers and change this habit when you get married. That's like a player saying that after marriage, I'll stick to one woman. LOL.

Not really... what I mean by that is that all the decisions I am making for my future plans and my life are going to be focus on my life plan. Boyfriend will not change those goals. But if I get married, my husband is me. We are choosing a life together and it will not longer only be me involved so our decisions and actions and interactions will always come back to the new goal of finding something in the middle for the both of us. I don't find that unrealistic at all. Isn't that the point of marriage?

click to expand

I'm talking from the idea that what if this boyfriend is someone you want to marry. Doesn't his input on your life plan mean anything if this is the guy you want to marry or will be marrying shortly. Often when women are in a long term relationship with a guy, they perceive the guy/bf as someone they want to marry.

the thought that you have the title of being " the ONE"
when its a bf/gf thing youll be semi scared to nag your bf the whole day he can easily break off with you the same minute you open your mouth
When you nag a husband you can nag him the whole fucking day or even weeks or years he would just have to put up for all your bullshit because its harder to break up since divorce lawyers are expensive.

I mean think about it.

Nowadays, people who are just in relationships live together, have kids together, have sex on a regular basis, have met each other's families, have vacationed & "escaped" together, have cooked for each other, have professed their love for each other, have decided to be monogamous, have decided to put the other 1st, are staying together even when the person changes or gets sick, etc.

So...if you're already getting/experiencing all of these things, what is the incentive to get married? Why get married if you're already acting like you're married? Why get married if you already have had children/a family together? Why even get married since a lot of people are treating their average girlfriend/boyfriend with "marriage-like" treatment?

It's not like the good ole days anymore when the only person who got such good treatment or ALL of you was the person you married!

So many people are so afraid to get married b/c they are still hurting over someone they did give their all to that wasn't even their spouse!!! lol

I don't think the people who say, "Don't fix something that's not broken" are all just commitment-phobes in disguise. I think some people really have valid points when they question and/or discuss the purpose of marriage lol

Posted by libra08
the thought that you have the title of being " the ONE"
when its a bf/gf thing youll be semi scared to nag your bf the whole day he can easily break off with you the same minute you open your mouth
When you nag a husband you can nag him the whole fucking day or even weeks or years he would just have to put up for all your bullshit because its harder to break up since divorce lawyers are expensive.

So it's the title that counts? Almost as if having that title or marriage certificate is a psychological thing. Almost like you somehow psychologically believe that the relationship is better or more valid if there's a marriage certificate behind it?

I understand why people think the title & marriage certificate are important. However, I also understand the fact that a lot of people's relationships actually get worse & more complicated once the marriage title is there? But why? What changed? Why would having both of your names on piece of paper change the relationship for the WORSE? How is that possible when that very same couple would've probably still be "good" had they never got married?

Clearly, it's a psychological thing b/c if nothing changes when you got married (other than your last name), why the sudden worsening of the relationship?

Posted by maelstrom
I agree with the OP's sentiment. I've never needed the piece of paper, loyalty/faithfulness can be had either way and marriage certainly doesn't guarantee the protection of them. 😛

Very interesting point.

I'm married myself so obviously I believe in marriage

But you're right. That piece of paper may psychologically make you believe that things will somehow be better or last longer, but the truth is though that the NUMBER 1 CAUSE OF DIVORCE IS MARRIAGE lol

The truth is though that being married doesn't all of the sudden guarantee that the relationship will still stay afloat. But people psychologically believe this which is why it's a lot harder to break away from a marriage. Had they been just in a relationship with that same person & hit a really rough patch, they would've been gone! But since they are technically married, you're told to work it out even if there's deal-breakers involved

Marriage is so psychological. It's not that the marriage lasts through tough times b/c of that piece of paper. Chances are if you got through your rough patches while you were married, you would've also gotten through them while just in a relationship.

A bf is like an auditioning process. I'm still checking to see if he's the right one for me, do I wanna marry him, do I see myself possibly being with him for the rest of my life. Are we compatible and/or soulmates.

But a husband is all of that and some. Your husband gets everything. (spoiled rotten) And once you're married, your separate lives become one.

Posted by missnia08
A bf is like an auditioning process. I'm still checking to see if he's the right one for me, do I wanna marry him, do I see myself possibly being with him for the rest of my life. Are we compatible and/or soulmates.

But a husband is all of that and some. Your husband gets everything. (spoiled rotten) And once you're married, your separate lives become one.

I get that, I get that

BUT many people are already doing ALL of this before they get married! You don't need a piece of paper to give your all to someone nor do you need a marriage license to conjoin your lives together!

Just like the almighty dollar loses its value if everyone has one, so does marriage if everybody is acting "married" w/o the legal document behind it

Posted by Rabbit
There's also the fact that the marriage license signifies that you are "in it for the long haul". I agree it may simply be psychological, but it shows a willingness to commit beyond just words.

Anyone can say "yeah baby I'll be with you forever"...but it takes cajones to actually put that into a legal contract. You now have a duty to cash the check your mouth just wrote and there's a different level of seriousness at that point.

Granted, it not as that stops people from marrying these days even if they aren't ready for or actually wanting it.

Like everything else, marriage had become disposable.

***end old married man rant***

This would be understandable if that piece of paper somehow guaranteed the relationship or had some kind of psychological force that forces you to stick it out. BUT it doesn't

The fact that there are just as many divorces in marriages as their are breakups in relationships can attest to that lol

The same guy that's full of sh**t when he swears "Yeah baby, we'll be together forever" during the relationship might also be the same un-genuine guy who says "Yeah baby, we'll be together forever" during marriage.

Marriage doesn't make you a better person. Marriage doesn't make you faithful. That piece of paper doesn't make you loyal. In fact, if you weren't honest, faithful, loyal, etc. BEFORE the marriage, you had no business getting married in the 1st place! Why use the logic that a piece of paper will somehow fill in the traits your partner is lacking? That's the most irrational theory I've ever heard!

Married people have tried to tell the youngins year after year after year that marriage won't make things better if they were already bad! They'll just get worse!

Higher standard deduction and two personal deductions

IF YOUR MARRIED AND SPLIT ITS ALL ABOUT MONEY
IOF YOU SHACK AND SPLIT THEN ITS ABOUT LOVE GONE BAD
IF THERE ARE KIDS LESS LIKL;EY TO SPLIT IN ETHER CASE.

Like the old saying goes

marriage is an institution and who wants to live in an institution?
Perhaps the crazy cunts do

If you are marriage material before marriage then after marriage what does that make you non marriage material.

Also if you are non marriage material before marriage then after marriage become marriage material.

Its something not ever get into in the first place you can help it.

It destroys families, people themselves, tears social fabric apart, condemned to doom for eternity when you are married and all this sweet talk happy romance is sickning, sick I tell ya, get ya head out of the clouds and realize that the only person to marry is your soul mate and until you complete yourself within by yourself you aint never gonna be with soul mate.

Thats the only time marriage will work, is if its with your soul mate and coz people are nowhere near completion of themselves this is why they have it fucked up in their minds of what marriage is to be. They have a glorified version painted by a conspiratorial society that allows this crap to occur and then blames the people for own decisions of being married saying you have to be or made to feel you have to be married to be accepted by others, its a load of crap dont buy into it the whole marriage tutu train they got delivered for you coz it wont do you no good at all.

Posted by krysrenee7
B/w a girlfriend vs. a wife OR a boyfriend vs. a husband OTHER THAN the a marriage license?

Rights, responsibility and obligation.