krysrenee7
@krysrenee7
17 Years5,000+ Posts
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When your partner dresses too sexy :/
Some argue that showing too much skin is not a big deal. They figure that if you've "got it," you might as well flaunt it. And when questioned on their loyalty towards their partner, they always swear up & down that how they dress has nothing to do with whether or not they're likely to remain/be faithful. They even argue sometimes that their partner shouldn't complain when their partners dress "too sexy" out in public especially since them dressing sexy was probably a factor in what drew their partner to them in the beginning/to begin with! In other words, if that sexy outward cleavage is what you noticed & got you talking to her in the 1st place, it's kind of unfair to expect for her to change how she dresses once she's finally in a relationship with you.
On the other hand, I've heard some argue that dressing too provacatively is disrespectful to your partner. Dressing in such a way ruins the "mystery," since after all, your partner wants to feel that they are the ONLY ones who get to see the "good" behind closed doors; it kind of ruins the mystery when everyone can see your girl's buttcheeks, cleavage and/or other areas that are supposed to be for "his/her eyes only." Some even argue that dressing too sexy sends out the wrong message to others; it sends out the message that you're single/available & sometimes even that you're dressing in such a way b/c you want the attention/ego boost from others; welp, to some people, they don't see why you'd need constant attention from the opposite sex if you ALREADY have a companion at home.
What do you guys think?
On the other hand, I've heard some argue that dressing too provacatively is disrespectful to your partner. Dressing in such a way ruins the "mystery," since after all, your partner wants to feel that they are the ONLY ones who get to see the "good" behind closed doors; it kind of ruins the mystery when everyone can see your girl's buttcheeks, cleavage and/or other areas that are supposed to be for "his/her eyes only." Some even argue that dressing too sexy sends out the wrong message to others; it sends out the message that you're single/available & sometimes even that you're dressing in such a way b/c you want the attention/ego boost from others; welp, to some people, they don't see why you'd need constant attention from the opposite sex if you ALREADY have a companion at home.
What do you guys think?
A friend of mine had a good point. She's dating this guy who has a very nice body. And it bothers her ALOT when she sees him constantly putting up pictures of his body on facebook/social networking sites. He also looks for any opportunity he can when it's hot outside to walk around without his shirt on.
To her, she feels like he's doing so b/c he's crying for attention from the opposite sex. She can understand him putting up 1 picture of his abs every blue moon, but him constantly putting up the same ole pics is an indication to her that he's LOOKING for AND wants attention from girls. The question is, why would he want/need attention from other women if he's already committed?
She doesn't believe that he's necessarily cheating, BUT she's confused on why he feels it's so necessary to show off his body to everybody. She thinks that him doing this means that he's fishing for compliments or attention from other women and/or even that he's opening himself up to forbidden territory, considering most women start wanting him the minute he does such things. She wonders why he enjoys all the attention, when he knows good & well that he wouldn't be able to handle it persay she showed off her entire body & had guys falling at her feet every sec. He wouldn't appreciate the task in having to constantly ward off other guys all the time b/c of HER actions.
And I actually think she has a point. She's not resentful that he has a nice body; after all, she admits herself that his body is nice to look at! BUT, she resents the fact that him always showing off his body probably symbolizes something deeper, like him wanting attention for all the wrong reasons OR him having low self esteem (thus constantly fishing for compliments so that other women can constantly give him an ego boost & make him feel like a king.)
She's told him before that she's not so comfortable with him always showing off his goods & of course he gets offended every time & calls her insecure. He even reminds her that SHE'S the 1 he's coming home to everything, therefore she shouldn't worry. But to an extent, I think that's a cheapshot.
I guess the question is...so many people consider dressing too provacatively as a sign of disrespect/low self esteem in regards to SELF, thus it's only natural for your partner to feel disrespected TOO.
To her, she feels like he's doing so b/c he's crying for attention from the opposite sex. She can understand him putting up 1 picture of his abs every blue moon, but him constantly putting up the same ole pics is an indication to her that he's LOOKING for AND wants attention from girls. The question is, why would he want/need attention from other women if he's already committed?
She doesn't believe that he's necessarily cheating, BUT she's confused on why he feels it's so necessary to show off his body to everybody. She thinks that him doing this means that he's fishing for compliments or attention from other women and/or even that he's opening himself up to forbidden territory, considering most women start wanting him the minute he does such things. She wonders why he enjoys all the attention, when he knows good & well that he wouldn't be able to handle it persay she showed off her entire body & had guys falling at her feet every sec. He wouldn't appreciate the task in having to constantly ward off other guys all the time b/c of HER actions.
And I actually think she has a point. She's not resentful that he has a nice body; after all, she admits herself that his body is nice to look at! BUT, she resents the fact that him always showing off his body probably symbolizes something deeper, like him wanting attention for all the wrong reasons OR him having low self esteem (thus constantly fishing for compliments so that other women can constantly give him an ego boost & make him feel like a king.)
She's told him before that she's not so comfortable with him always showing off his goods & of course he gets offended every time & calls her insecure. He even reminds her that SHE'S the 1 he's coming home to everything, therefore she shouldn't worry. But to an extent, I think that's a cheapshot.
I guess the question is...so many people consider dressing too provacatively as a sign of disrespect/low self esteem in regards to SELF, thus it's only natural for your partner to feel disrespected TOO.
Why advertise something thats not for sale?
@Kelly: Brillant! I love your nature vs. nurture response. Very true!
It's understandable to see someone who is single (keyword) doing things in a manner to get attention, but I do believe that some things should change OR atleast slow down once you finally/actually get committed.
I agree that if when you met someone they dressed "too sexy" it'd be kind of pointless to expect for them to change. You still may not like it b/c of course there are many OTHER things we expect our partners to change or slow down on doing once they enter into a relationship. But actually confronting them about it is another story. However, it's possible to not care in the beginning when you're not attached to that person yet & care later once the attachment has been made. And I think a person's partner should ALWAYS be listened to/taken into consideration if their concern is VALID, regardless of the time frame--regardless of whether they said something in the beginning or later on.
I don't see anything wrong with dressing "sexy" as long as you keep it appropriate. It's not only tacky to show all of your "goods" to strangers in public when you're single, but it's TWICE as tacky to do so while in a relationship.
I think some partners start out dealing with it UNTIL they start to notice an increase in the amount of the WRONG attention their partner is getting as a result of how they dress. It's quite humiliating to a man when other men see his girlfriend & automatically think she's a skank, stripper or prostitute. And it's even more annoying when a man has to fend off those extra guys, especially considering they probably wouldn't have hit on her had she actually dressed more appropriately.
Tight jeans or a tight shirt every blue moon is ok. It's not like you should hide your great body if you have one. But just b/c you have a great body doesn't mean you should let it all hang out & this rings true whether you're single or not. After all, if your body is THAT great, shouldn't people be able to still tell even if your clothes weren't 2 sizes too small?!
It's understandable to see someone who is single (keyword) doing things in a manner to get attention, but I do believe that some things should change OR atleast slow down once you finally/actually get committed.
I agree that if when you met someone they dressed "too sexy" it'd be kind of pointless to expect for them to change. You still may not like it b/c of course there are many OTHER things we expect our partners to change or slow down on doing once they enter into a relationship. But actually confronting them about it is another story. However, it's possible to not care in the beginning when you're not attached to that person yet & care later once the attachment has been made. And I think a person's partner should ALWAYS be listened to/taken into consideration if their concern is VALID, regardless of the time frame--regardless of whether they said something in the beginning or later on.
I don't see anything wrong with dressing "sexy" as long as you keep it appropriate. It's not only tacky to show all of your "goods" to strangers in public when you're single, but it's TWICE as tacky to do so while in a relationship.
I think some partners start out dealing with it UNTIL they start to notice an increase in the amount of the WRONG attention their partner is getting as a result of how they dress. It's quite humiliating to a man when other men see his girlfriend & automatically think she's a skank, stripper or prostitute. And it's even more annoying when a man has to fend off those extra guys, especially considering they probably wouldn't have hit on her had she actually dressed more appropriately.
Tight jeans or a tight shirt every blue moon is ok. It's not like you should hide your great body if you have one. But just b/c you have a great body doesn't mean you should let it all hang out & this rings true whether you're single or not. After all, if your body is THAT great, shouldn't people be able to still tell even if your clothes weren't 2 sizes too small?!
Posted by QLIbraMale
IDC as long as she's faithful. dress as sexy as she wants.
I agree. I don't think a person's style in clothing dictates whether or not they're likely to be faithful. How they carry themselves and/or flaunt that clothing may however paint the better picture of whether or not your partner is likely to cheat or not.
It's 1 thing to see a girl walking around with a mini skirt on & with her boobs hanging out b/c she just lost 50 pounds & is enjoying her tiny weeny yellow polka dot bikini (I love that commercial--hehe) but it's another thing to see a girl walking around & purposely bending over in ways so that other men can see her body. It's another thing to see a girl whose purposely wearing cleavage shirts b/c she WANTS other guys to drool over her when she's out in public. The shirt she's wearing wouldn't be the problem. It's the INTENTION behind WHY she's wearing that shirt or WHY she's walking in a certain way or WHY she's flaunting her stuff in a certain way that paints the better picture!
Posted by PandorasBox
But if my s/o were to ask me to take it down a few notches, Id think that there was reason enough for him to bring this certain concern up and would maybe barter a bit, budge just a tiny bit for him, and work somethin out taht the two of us can agree on. But, that would only happen if I truly cared for the fella, otherwise there is no shade of gray in my decision makin.
If I felt that my partner was genuienely concerned (not insecure, controlling, or possessive), I'd def. take his concerns into consideration. I'd be interested in finding out exactly what I'm wearing OR what I'm doing with what I'm wearing that's making him uncomfortable. And I say that b/c hell, sometimes we do things sub-consciously w/o even realizing how that looks to others. And if my intention was never to send off the signal that I'm available or acts as if I'm a roaming prostitute, I'd listen to my partner. Sometimes it takes hearing it from someone else before you finally "get it."
I know alot of people get defensive though when confronted about the way they dress. Especially the people who dressed that way before the relationship.
And it's even WORSE if your partner gets their point across by trying to tell you exactly what to wear. I think that's a huge no no. If any man ever tells me what I can/cannot wear, we'd have a problem. Sure, I'd listen to him if he were to mention that certain outfits really bother him, BUT I'd still want him to trust MY judgement & assume that I should be the 1 making the calls on what I will/won't wear, not him.
I've actually had two men try to tell me how to dress - one requested that I dress more sexy, show off more of my body, and another requested that I tone it down.
I didn't change the way I dressed for either of them. I am neither a sexy-dresser or a conservative-dresser, it completely depends on my mood and the event. Sometimes, I want that clevage sometimes, I don't.
I listened to the partner who wanted me to reveal less with open ears, but seriously found the request to be controlling and I was very uncomfortable with it. Just because I don't typically wear revealing clothing doesn't mean I don't want to when I'm in certain situations, like going out dancing or something else.
Clothing is an important way of expressing oneself, I think it's valid to express and opinion but requests to change the way a person expresses themselves seem very out-of-line with me. I am proud of the way I dress and look and don't appreciate a partner who doesn't appreciate my sense of style . It's part of the package with me - and with me, you get it all anyway (conservative -> sexy) so just leave me be and wait until the next day, I'll probably satisfy your request without you having to make one.
Now - if a woman is truly dressing slutty and a man doesn't like it, why bother dating her anymore? If it doesn't fit, don't date it!
And as far as men posting images of their bulked up bodies on the internet I tend to think they put a lot of time, effort, and work into looking that way. It's essentially a passion for them that doesn't necessarily need to stem from attention from women but more of "Look what I did!"
my 2 cents
I didn't change the way I dressed for either of them. I am neither a sexy-dresser or a conservative-dresser, it completely depends on my mood and the event. Sometimes, I want that clevage sometimes, I don't.
I listened to the partner who wanted me to reveal less with open ears, but seriously found the request to be controlling and I was very uncomfortable with it. Just because I don't typically wear revealing clothing doesn't mean I don't want to when I'm in certain situations, like going out dancing or something else.
Clothing is an important way of expressing oneself, I think it's valid to express and opinion but requests to change the way a person expresses themselves seem very out-of-line with me. I am proud of the way I dress and look and don't appreciate a partner who doesn't appreciate my sense of style . It's part of the package with me - and with me, you get it all anyway (conservative -> sexy) so just leave me be and wait until the next day, I'll probably satisfy your request without you having to make one.
Now - if a woman is truly dressing slutty and a man doesn't like it, why bother dating her anymore? If it doesn't fit, don't date it!
And as far as men posting images of their bulked up bodies on the internet I tend to think they put a lot of time, effort, and work into looking that way. It's essentially a passion for them that doesn't necessarily need to stem from attention from women but more of "Look what I did!"
my 2 cents
I didn't read through all the posts...
First off, I do not think a person should dress provocatively if in a relationship if it is the attention of or being noticed by persons of the opposite sex. This is a slap in the face to their partner.
But, the partner may have irrational notions about what is too sexy and when - my ex husband would give me the 3rd degree if my bra and panties matched or it was a thong! (my selections were usually were color coordinated with my clothes and/or because I didn't want pantie lines). This was clearly insecurity about the way I was dressed, but I surly did not feel the need to change what I wore under my clothes.
But, I don't think that it necessarily means that they are insecure either even if it is outward appearances - e.g., maybe the partner feels the way their other half is dressing is not age appropriate or inappropriate for a given venue such as work (this probably applies more to women than men).
I think one should respect their partner in general... and if your partner doesn't like it, then you're doing nothing but creating animosity, one can always compromise (e.g., I won't wear anything so low my tits are hanging out, but I'm not going as far as to wear a turtle neck all the time). Of course, the request should be reasonable!
First off, I do not think a person should dress provocatively if in a relationship if it is the attention of or being noticed by persons of the opposite sex. This is a slap in the face to their partner.
But, the partner may have irrational notions about what is too sexy and when - my ex husband would give me the 3rd degree if my bra and panties matched or it was a thong! (my selections were usually were color coordinated with my clothes and/or because I didn't want pantie lines). This was clearly insecurity about the way I was dressed, but I surly did not feel the need to change what I wore under my clothes.
But, I don't think that it necessarily means that they are insecure either even if it is outward appearances - e.g., maybe the partner feels the way their other half is dressing is not age appropriate or inappropriate for a given venue such as work (this probably applies more to women than men).
I think one should respect their partner in general... and if your partner doesn't like it, then you're doing nothing but creating animosity, one can always compromise (e.g., I won't wear anything so low my tits are hanging out, but I'm not going as far as to wear a turtle neck all the time). Of course, the request should be reasonable!
I agree. Not all guys think it's "cute" to see their girlfriends walking down the street looking like prostitutes. Some guys don't mind it when their girlfriends/spouses dress like that b/c to them, they like having the arm candy on their hands; they like for others to look at their girlfriend's & think, "Wow, look at her body! He's a lucky man!" But even then, it may not even be that he likes her dressing sexy for the right reasons; he may only like it b/c it earns HIM some brownie points from his buddies/other men.
And oh Lord, I've seen some people dress too inappropriately for their age. It's 1 thing to dress inappropriately as a woman period, BUT it's another thing to be 55 & be wearing what 25 year olds shouldn't even be wearing. I'm all for the whole, "Stay youthful" thing, but after a while, certain things don't look right on certain age groups!
Ha! I can't imagine seeing a 67 year old man wearing skinny jeans or a 59 year old woman wearing a mini skirt. It'd look the equivalent of seeing a 6 year old with bright red Marilyn Monroe lipstick on! It just wouldn't fit/look right!
I feel sorry for the people who have partners who dress too young/old for their age. What can you really say? On 1 hand, you admire that they're trying to keep up on the whole "youth/feeling young" thing but at the same time, you feel bad for them b/c they have no clue that they actually take away from their charm when they wear something that doesn't flatter them.
And oh Lord, I've seen some people dress too inappropriately for their age. It's 1 thing to dress inappropriately as a woman period, BUT it's another thing to be 55 & be wearing what 25 year olds shouldn't even be wearing. I'm all for the whole, "Stay youthful" thing, but after a while, certain things don't look right on certain age groups!
Ha! I can't imagine seeing a 67 year old man wearing skinny jeans or a 59 year old woman wearing a mini skirt. It'd look the equivalent of seeing a 6 year old with bright red Marilyn Monroe lipstick on! It just wouldn't fit/look right!
I feel sorry for the people who have partners who dress too young/old for their age. What can you really say? On 1 hand, you admire that they're trying to keep up on the whole "youth/feeling young" thing but at the same time, you feel bad for them b/c they have no clue that they actually take away from their charm when they wear something that doesn't flatter them.
@Op- Haha I have seen male profiles on POF AND 90 of them have a shirtless pic alot of them are gym pics or selfies, or even one I just encountered had a dick pic in his profile and said fuck it as a tagline. I like guys with shirts on and can see the biceps through their shirts. Because nice strong arms are what I look for the most.
I will not even bother with these types of men sadly that leaves 10 for me to pick from with decent pics.
Taurus people don't do overly nothing when we dress up and I would think people trying to change another person is too controlling and can go fuck themselves and find someone else.
I will not even bother with these types of men sadly that leaves 10 for me to pick from with decent pics.
Taurus people don't do overly nothing when we dress up and I would think people trying to change another person is too controlling and can go fuck themselves and find someone else.
I've never told my ex bfs to tone.down their looks and God knows they have had some fashion faux pas back in the day and I kept my mouth shut!
I'm more than.happy to let them express themselves so long as it is their true and genuine self. I believe in walking your talk, and that what you wear is an expression of your individuality.
If my boyfriend wants to wear sexy budgie smugglers at the beach because it boosts his.confidence then I'm happy for him
However I can cut down to the.core of someone because I'm all about facades and shit and if I see my boyfriend isn't being genuine in any way he will be my ex boyfriend.because I.don't date fake.shit......
I'm more than.happy to let them express themselves so long as it is their true and genuine self. I believe in walking your talk, and that what you wear is an expression of your individuality.
If my boyfriend wants to wear sexy budgie smugglers at the beach because it boosts his.confidence then I'm happy for him
However I can cut down to the.core of someone because I'm all about facades and shit and if I see my boyfriend isn't being genuine in any way he will be my ex boyfriend.because I.don't date fake.shit......
Posted by Shadows5 years later
Why advertise something thats not for sale?
and your comment is more relevant than ever
Fishnets? That's just nasty
And with a mini skirt? Don't get me started, he just didn't want to bail you out after the fashion police get to you.
Posted by The_eleventh_sign_11I'm more weirded out by the cameo mini. The image won't leave my mind, help!
Fishnets? That's just nasty
Pro tip for all you dudes out there...
Unless your ready and able to pull out your credit card and take your lady shopping for a new wardrobe you better keep your mouth shut.
Unless your ready and able to pull out your credit card and take your lady shopping for a new wardrobe you better keep your mouth shut.
I want to see pics if camp miniskirt and fishnets. Please?
Not an issue. Firstly I'd be very ashamed if anyone thought I dress up sexy .. Cancer rising problems *shrugs*
I've always shopped my clothes with my dad...... I'd come of out of changing room and he would go like "not nice", "turn around", "your undies are showing ", "its tight", "too body hugging, you will never wear it" .."material is too light/thin", "neck is too wide"... Although i would argue with him totally enchanted by the beautiful dress/top, in the end i realised and akways agree with him..I go hand in hand with him regarding clothes. Usually when I went against him and bought something, I myself never wore it more than once. My dad understands my shyness. My mom on the hand is annoyed most of the times.
But sometimes he is a bit too much, leading me to formals section - picking up something and trying to impress me upon its color, material, how cute i would look or showing me something like a burka. :/
I love it when we argue though 😄 ..good times... Going soon! 😄
I've always shopped my clothes with my dad...... I'd come of out of changing room and he would go like "not nice", "turn around", "your undies are showing ", "its tight", "too body hugging, you will never wear it" .."material is too light/thin", "neck is too wide"... Although i would argue with him totally enchanted by the beautiful dress/top, in the end i realised and akways agree with him..I go hand in hand with him regarding clothes. Usually when I went against him and bought something, I myself never wore it more than once. My dad understands my shyness. My mom on the hand is annoyed most of the times.
But sometimes he is a bit too much, leading me to formals section - picking up something and trying to impress me upon its color, material, how cute i would look or showing me something like a burka. :/
I love it when we argue though 😄 ..good times... Going soon! 😄
Just don't wear what you wouldn't want your daughter wearing.
The issue isn't always about male insecurities or narrowmindedness. Most times it's about protection and wanting your loved one to be safe.
Unfortunately, we don't live in Utopia where you can dress however you want and still be safe. I'm not promoting rape culture, but simply saying that you got to take precautions against sexual predators. Self preservation and the onus to stay safe is on us. For example, you can be a good driver and be driving in your lane, but if you SEE a bad driver coming on your lane and you can prevent a collision, the responsibility is also on you to prevent that collision or at least attempt.
Similarly, my child can be dressed all appropriately but if I publicly broadcast his/her pics, I need to acknowledge that that there are child pornographers that can obtain my child's pic. If I don't want to be a victim of that, I'll take my preventive measures by not posting his pics publicly.
Keeping safe is also our responsibility.
The issue isn't always about male insecurities or narrowmindedness. Most times it's about protection and wanting your loved one to be safe.
Unfortunately, we don't live in Utopia where you can dress however you want and still be safe. I'm not promoting rape culture, but simply saying that you got to take precautions against sexual predators. Self preservation and the onus to stay safe is on us. For example, you can be a good driver and be driving in your lane, but if you SEE a bad driver coming on your lane and you can prevent a collision, the responsibility is also on you to prevent that collision or at least attempt.
Similarly, my child can be dressed all appropriately but if I publicly broadcast his/her pics, I need to acknowledge that that there are child pornographers that can obtain my child's pic. If I don't want to be a victim of that, I'll take my preventive measures by not posting his pics publicly.
Keeping safe is also our responsibility.
as long as he doesn't
go out naked, i do not
care. vice versa also.
go out naked, i do not
care. vice versa also.
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