A question for scorpio's about depression, sucide and being emotional

So a bit of background, I am scorpio man. Lately, I an again slipping back into depression and our having suicidal thoughts. This is due to shitty work environment and host of other things happening in life. Does anyone ever tell you that you are going to die alone and you yourself have felt worthless, good for nothing and you becoming emotional as a result.?

I had shared this with a close friend of mine, she told me you need therapy, it would help you. You are frustrated as of now in life and take a holiday to clear your head. Which is good advice. But I would like to solve this feeling myself. Since, I have been in this position 3 times in life. She then told me that she was depressed for the past 2 years as the nightmares due to sexual abuse had returned. I was shocked to hear this, as she kept it from me and this made me emotional.

I want to know, what do you do in those cases and cope with feelings.?

Why the surprise disclosure by my friend made me an emotional mess?

is your moon in Cancer because I sense you are a very emotional person or perhaps the depression is causing that extra sensitive emotion - yes, seek some sort of therapy that helps - sometimes you have to change therapists to find one that works with you and for you - do you think there is an underlying reason for your depression or is it a chemical thing that needs some treatment/help

I agree for you to try to find another place to work - life isn't easy, no one ever said that and yes, we do die alone just like we were born alone but that doesn't mean that we can't enjoy the life we have here on earth to the fullest as possible

I am here, you are here and we all have a right to be here and everybody is somebody that deserves to be happy/comfortable in life

Posted by bluesky6
So a bit of background, I am scorpio man. Lately, I an again slipping back into depression and our having suicidal thoughts. This is due to butterty work environment and host of other things happening in life. Does anyone ever tell you that you are going to die alone and you yourself have felt worthless, good for nothing and you becoming emotional as a result.?

I had shared this with a close friend of mine, she told me you need therapy, it would help you. You are frustrated as of now in life and take a holiday to clear your head. Which is good advice. But I would like to solve this feeling myself. Since, I have been in this position 3 times in life. She then told me that she was depressed for the past 2 years as the nightmares due to sexual abuse had returned. I was shocked to hear this, as she kept it from me and this made me emotional.

I want to know, what do you do in those cases and cope with feelings.?
Why the surprise disclosure by my friend made me an emotional mess?

I can easily help you right now. First of all, are you in shape? If not, you need to go the the gym and lift weights (and do it seriously). Try the routine Starting Strength (Rippetoe) for a few months and then progress onto 5/3/1 (Wendler). Get big, get strong, and get confident. Work is terrible for everyone. Most people dislike their jobs. Go back to school for something that makes a lot of money like computers if that REALLY matters to you. But women don't care what you do for work and you don't need money to get them. They just want you to be good looking. And there's an easy fix for that if you don't like something about your face. You can get a little plastic surgery after saving up briefly and change your whole future. There's a chin procedure guys can get called a sliding genioplasty and it makes your whole jawline look stronger with better projection. And a rhinoplasty--which you've probably heard of--removes any bumps from your nose. I have no idea what you look like, so this is not personal advice. This is just general commentary on what I would tell someone in your situation. And who says that you are going to die alone? Only a psycho would tell someone that. It's not about dying alone, either, because we all "die alone." You just want to be happy before you die and I feel you on all of that. Definitely don't be depressed, because as long as you have working limbs and will power, you can get in great shape and even enhance your facial structure if you wanted. Things like chin implants are pretty popular in the business world, but no one talks about them.

Anyways, this was not meant to be so much about plastic surgery. It is more about options. There are many, many options for you. If you aren't attracting the women you want, change your appearance and boost your confidence. Science is amazing. Lifting weights makes muscles bigger and surgeons can enhance cosmetic appearance--even on men. You can even change your entire clothing style if you want afterwards. Just don't give up. You'll find that you that you want to be soon enough.

And your friend was right that therapy helps a lot, too. Therapy, weight lifting, eating healthy, and not being sad. Just focus on feeling healthy and you will naturally become happier.

Posted by Reincarnation

Posted by TheRabbit

Posted by Reincarnation

Posted by bluesky6
So a bit of background, I am scorpio man. Lately, I an again slipping back into depression and our having suicidal thoughts. This is due to butterty work environment and host of other things happening in life. Does anyone ever tell you that you are going to die alone and you yourself have felt worthless, good for nothing and you becoming emotional as a result.?

I had shared this with a close friend of mine, she told me you need therapy, it would help you. You are frustrated as of now in life and take a holiday to clear your head. Which is good advice. But I would like to solve this feeling myself. Since, I have been in this position 3 times in life. She then told me that she was depressed for the past 2 years as the nightmares due to sexual abuse had returned. I was shocked to hear this, as she kept it from me and this made me emotional.

I want to know, what do you do in those cases and cope with feelings.?
Why the surprise disclosure by my friend made me an emotional mess?

Focus on helping others - not your own misery.

Try to get into a profession where you serve others. click to expand

Good advice.

Being a corporate drone or something similar will kill the soul.

Seeing your hard work actually help people heals the soul. click to expandclick to expand

I know. If you told me this at 20-years-old, I would roll my eyes.

After working in corporate America for a couple of years, I looked around and saw people twice my age working the job I had. Sales. Literally made no difference whatsoever, and got rewarded for cutting corners. Left work exhausted and frustrated.

Then I volunteered at the hospital one night after work, and - treetrunk - all my problems didn't matter anymore. If I could do my profession for free, I would do it. If I had a billion dollars, I would continue doing it. I think, for some, the key is also finding something where you enjoy making the money more than you enjoy spending it. click to expand

click to expand

Right there with ya brother. 👍👍👍

Posted by TheRabbit
First off, I agree with your friend. Please seek therapy. Sometimes just getting everything off your chest to a third party is enough to break the cycle. It doesn't need to be anything too intense.

Second, anyone who tells you things that drag you down are butter. treetrunk off with those people.

Third, jobs come and go. You only have one life, and a job is only a small part of who you are. Try not to let it determine your fate.

@Rabbit, thank you for the advice. Your advice is the one my rational and sane side would give other people

Posted by The_Mad_H8R
Everything has a way of working out in the end.. you just have to keep pushing through. Maybe a change of job, as hard as it may be, would be best for your psyche. Don't live in hell to make a buck; it's called working for a living, not living for a working.

I imagine she shared with you because you shared with her. That's what relationships are - give and take. Maybe you got emotional because you don't tell many people about yourself and when you did and were met with kindness in return.

@The_Mad_H8R yes, it seems that way. I have put in my papers today, gave my company two weeks notice. She gets me She has taught me to be open about my thoughts.

Posted by tctaa
is your moon in Cancer because I sense you are a very emotional person or perhaps the depression is causing that extra sensitive emotion - yes, seek some sort of therapy that helps - sometimes you have to change therapists to find one that works with you and for you - do you think there is an underlying reason for your depression or is it a chemical thing that needs some treatment/help

I agree for you to try to find another place to work - life isn't easy, no one ever said that and yes, we do die alone just like we were born alone but that doesn't mean that we can't enjoy the life we have here on earth to the fullest as possible

I am here, you are here and we all have a right to be here and everybody is somebody that deserves to be happy/comfortable in life

@tctaa My moon sign is Libra I am emotional, but I abhor it. It messes with my mind. Well "happiness" for me is different in the sense that whenever I am happy, something is taken away from me , and I don't want to be happy, it feels like you have every thing and then that makes you complacent, but this is just me.

Posted by Arkansassy

Posted by bluesky6
So a bit of background, I am scorpio man. Lately, I an again slipping back into depression and our having suicidal thoughts. This is due to butterty work environment and host of other things happening in life. Does anyone ever tell you that you are going to die alone and you yourself have felt worthless, good for nothing and you becoming emotional as a result.?

I had shared this with a close friend of mine, she told me you need therapy, it would help you. You are frustrated as of now in life and take a holiday to clear your head. Which is good advice. But I would like to solve this feeling myself. Since, I have been in this position 3 times in life. She then told me that she was depressed for the past 2 years as the nightmares due to sexual abuse had returned. I was shocked to hear this, as she kept it from me and this made me emotional.

I want to know, what do you do in those cases and cope with feelings.?
Why the surprise disclosure by my friend made me an emotional mess?

I have clinical depression. I take an SSRI to cope click to expandclick to expand

click to expand

@Arkansassy Hang in there I do not about SSRI , which learn about it

Posted by Reincarnation

Posted by bluesky6
So a bit of background, I am scorpio man. Lately, I an again slipping back into depression and our having suicidal thoughts. This is due to butterty work environment and host of other things happening in life. Does anyone ever tell you that you are going to die alone and you yourself have felt worthless, good for nothing and you becoming emotional as a result.?

I had shared this with a close friend of mine, she told me you need therapy, it would help you. You are frustrated as of now in life and take a holiday to clear your head. Which is good advice. But I would like to solve this feeling myself. Since, I have been in this position 3 times in life. She then told me that she was depressed for the past 2 years as the nightmares due to sexual abuse had returned. I was shocked to hear this, as she kept it from me and this made me emotional.

I want to know, what do you do in those cases and cope with feelings.?
Why the surprise disclosure by my friend made me an emotional mess?

Focus on helping others - not your own misery.

Try to get into a profession where you serve others. click to expand

click to expand

@Reincarnation Thank you for the advice, I have been planning to BS in psychology to understand human behavior better

Posted by LittleStar
I’m at the point where I don’t think therapy will help me because there is nothing to “fix”.

If you are ruminating I’m not really sure how to stop it myself. I go through periods these days where I go so crazy with my thoughts and obsess and remember butterty things so much that I don’t know if it would be better if I just offed myself so I wouldn’t be tortured.

At the same time this is the only life I will get and life is short so I may as well live it out and take the small amounts of good with the rest of the bad.

I waffle back and forth.

I do have medication that I take for my anxiety (a new thing for me) but I don’t really have anywhere to go for the death obsession.

You may see if there is a support group or local group that you can have friends and people you check in with when you are really low if you don’t want to actually die. Therapy is expensive and hard to find good ones. If you have the resources maybe try a few out til you find a good one if you think that will help. Or see if there is a medication that works okay for you.

@LittleStar - I can't stop ruminating things, over-thinking is a pain in the ass. I have tried therapy on and off , just when things go crazy and can't handle things myself. This time I am exhausted, and need better coping mechanism. Hope the medication, eases the anxiety 🙂

Posted by Impulsv
Had training today n finally realized what has been going on with me :traumatic stress .
First responders deal with this when bottled emotions
Anger , disconnect , over emotional , depressed. Like you on top of life stressors the job pilled on more n think was a trigger. Counseling although helpful has been limiting. Not so long ago I hit rock bottom because for the first time I could see no way out of this employment n really felt in order to survive I might have to quit. First time I serious thought about death but I would not do it as to family. Any who my sister must have sense n called m did something very touching . kinda helped to snap out of it. Well I agree with the training. Making an effort to Connecting with others. I know these times we want to isolate but we should reach out to those we love.
Talk to them
About work , what’s going on.
You are not alone. Seems your freind understood you completely having been there
Also taking 5htp which has helped greatly
I have a great psychiatrist, who helped with dosing for me upping it to 400 mg
That must be monitored as well.

Self care-
I signed up massage subscription

Posted by bluesky6
So a bit of background, I am scorpio man. Lately, I an again slipping back into depression and our having suicidal thoughts. This is due to butterty work environment and host of other things happening in life. Does anyone ever tell you that you are going to die alone and you yourself have felt worthless, good for nothing and you becoming emotional as a result.?

I had shared this with a close friend of mine, she told me you need therapy, it would help you. You are frustrated as of now in life and take a holiday to clear your head. Which is good advice. But I would like to solve this feeling myself. Since, I have been in this position 3 times in life. She then told me that she was depressed for the past 2 years as the nightmares due to sexual abuse had returned. I was shocked to hear this, as she kept it from me and this made me emotional.

I want to know, what do you do in those cases and cope with feelings.?
Why the surprise disclosure by my friend made me an emotional mess?

click to expand

click to expand

@Impulsv - Thank you for sharing your story. Personally for me, there have been days where I have googled ways to die and read about them in detail and have decided three ways to die (painless to mild pain). I am not afraid of death, however it makes my mind at ease,if there comes a time where I would end my life, I have three ways and not think about it much. There is no way in living like this.

Posted by Triple_C

Posted by bluesky6
So a bit of background, I am scorpio man. Lately, I an again slipping back into depression and our having suicidal thoughts. This is due to butterty work environment and host of other things happening in life. Does anyone ever tell you that you are going to die alone and you yourself have felt worthless, good for nothing and you becoming emotional as a result.?

I had shared this with a close friend of mine, she told me you need therapy, it would help you. You are frustrated as of now in life and take a holiday to clear your head. Which is good advice. But I would like to solve this feeling myself. Since, I have been in this position 3 times in life. She then told me that she was depressed for the past 2 years as the nightmares due to sexual abuse had returned. I was shocked to hear this, as she kept it from me and this made me emotional.

I want to know, what do you do in those cases and cope with feelings.?
Why the surprise disclosure by my friend made me an emotional mess?

I can easily help you right now. First of all, are you in shape? If not, you need to go the the gym and lift weights (and do it seriously). Try the routine Starting Strength (Rippetoe) for a few months and then progress onto 5/3/1 (Wendler). Get big, get strong, and get confident. Work is terrible for everyone. Most people dislike their jobs. Go back to school for something that makes a lot of money like computers if that REALLY matters to you. But women don't care what you do for work and you don't need money to get them. They just want you to be good looking. And there's an easy fix for that if you don't like something about your face. You can get a little plastic surgery after saving up briefly and change your whole future. There's a chin procedure guys can get called a sliding genioplasty and it makes your whole jawline look stronger with better projection. And a rhinoplasty--which you've probably heard of--removes any bumps from your nose. I have no idea what you look like, so this is not personal advice. This is just general commentary on what I would tell someone in your situation. And who says that you are going to die alone? Only a psycho would tell someone that. It's not about dying alone, either, because we all "die alone." You just want to be happy before you die and I feel you on all of that. Definitely don't be depressed, because as long as you have working limbs and will power, you can get in great shape and even enhance your facial structure if you wanted. Things like chin implants are pretty popular in the business world, but no one talks about them.

Anyways, this was not meant to be so much about plastic surgery. It is more about options. There are many, many options for you. If you aren't attracting the women you want, change your appearance and boost your confidence. Science is amazing. Lifting weights makes muscles bigger and surgeons can enhance cosmetic appearance--even on men. You can even change your entire clothing style if you want afterwards. Just don't give up. You'll find that you that you want to be soon enough. click to expand

click to expand

@Triple_C - Appreciate your candor and advice 🙂 I do have to start working out, but i had an infection in the leg, so can't workout as of now. I am decent looking 🙂, dating people is long way down the list right now. I work in IT, as a web developer and get decently paid 🙂. I do like my work, but the company I have joined, makes me hate it and has taken a toll on me and host of family problems hasn't helped either ..

Posted by tctaa
is your moon in Cancer because I sense you are a very emotional person or perhaps the depression is causing that extra sensitive emotion - yes, seek some sort of therapy that helps - sometimes you have to change therapists to find one that works with you and for you - do you think there is an underlying reason for your depression or is it a chemical thing that needs some treatment/help

I agree for you to try to find another place to work - life isn't easy, no one ever said that and yes, we do die alone just like we were born alone but that doesn't mean that we can't enjoy the life we have here on earth to the fullest as possible

I am here, you are here and we all have a right to be here and everybody is somebody that deserves to be happy/comfortable in life

@tctaa - Here are the chart details, if you want, would appreciate the insights -



sun - scorpio 20'14''

sun in the 9th house

mars - scorpio 37'5''

mars in the 9th house

mercury - scorpio 45'15''

mercury in 10th house

pluto - scorpio 56'3''

pluto in 10th house

moon - libra 45'14''

moon in 8th house

venus - virgo

venus in 8th house

jupiter - virgo 57'33''

jupiter in 8th house

ascendant - aquarius 26'10''

saturn - aquarius 56'45''

saturn in 12th house

neptune - capricorn 24'16''

neptune - 12th house

uranus - capricorn 42'45''

uranus in 12th house

Posted by bluesky6

Posted by tctaa
is your moon in Cancer because I sense you are a very emotional person or perhaps the depression is causing that extra sensitive emotion - yes, seek some sort of therapy that helps - sometimes you have to change therapists to find one that works with you and for you - do you think there is an underlying reason for your depression or is it a chemical thing that needs some treatment/help

I agree for you to try to find another place to work - life isn't easy, no one ever said that and yes, we do die alone just like we were born alone but that doesn't mean that we can't enjoy the life we have here on earth to the fullest as possible

I am here, you are here and we all have a right to be here and everybody is somebody that deserves to be happy/comfortable in life

@tctaa - Here are the chart details, if you want, would appreciate the insights -


sun - scorpio 20'14''
sun in the 9th house

mars - scorpio 37'5''
mars in the 9th house

mercury - scorpio 45'15''
mercury in 10th house

pluto - scorpio 56'3''
pluto in 10th house

moon - libra 45'14''
moon in 8th house

venus - virgo
venus in 8th house

jupiter - virgo 57'33''
jupiter in 8th house

ascendant - aquarius 26'10''

saturn - aquarius 56'45''
saturn in 12th house

neptune - capricorn 24'16''
neptune - 12th house

uranus - capricorn 42'45''
uranus in 12th house click to expand

click to expand

it could be a combination of all ur air and water.

but i'm not sure.



u think too much and if u spend alot of time in ur head, u can get lost in there and what other people think.

i would suggest reading some good books to make u smile, and spend some time with people who make u laugh. there is also spiritual direction too, and that is always healing.

others suggest therapy that is helpful too.

Posted by bluesky6

Posted by Triple_C

Posted by bluesky6
So a bit of background, I am scorpio man. Lately, I an again slipping back into depression and our having suicidal thoughts. This is due to butterty work environment and host of other things happening in life. Does anyone ever tell you that you are going to die alone and you yourself have felt worthless, good for nothing and you becoming emotional as a result.?

I had shared this with a close friend of mine, she told me you need therapy, it would help you. You are frustrated as of now in life and take a holiday to clear your head. Which is good advice. But I would like to solve this feeling myself. Since, I have been in this position 3 times in life. She then told me that she was depressed for the past 2 years as the nightmares due to sexual abuse had returned. I was shocked to hear this, as she kept it from me and this made me emotional.

I want to know, what do you do in those cases and cope with feelings.?
Why the surprise disclosure by my friend made me an emotional mess?

I can easily help you right now. First of all, are you in shape? If not, you need to go the the gym and lift weights (and do it seriously). Try the routine Starting Strength (Rippetoe) for a few months and then progress onto 5/3/1 (Wendler). Get big, get strong, and get confident. Work is terrible for everyone. Most people dislike their jobs. Go back to school for something that makes a lot of money like computers if that REALLY matters to you. But women don't care what you do for work and you don't need money to get them. They just want you to be good looking. And there's an easy fix for that if you don't like something about your face. You can get a little plastic surgery after saving up briefly and change your whole future. There's a chin procedure guys can get called a sliding genioplasty and it makes your whole jawline look stronger with better projection. And a rhinoplasty--which you've probably heard of--removes any bumps from your nose. I have no idea what you look like, so this is not personal advice. This is just general commentary on what I would tell someone in your situation. And who says that you are going to die alone? Only a psycho would tell someone that. It's not about dying alone, either, because we all "die alone." You just want to be happy before you die and I feel you on all of that. Definitely don't be depressed, because as long as you have working limbs and will power, you can get in great shape and even enhance your facial structure if you wanted. Things like chin implants are pretty popular in the business world, but no one talks about them.

Anyways, this was not meant to be so much about plastic surgery. It is more about options. There are many, many options for you. If you aren't attracting the women you want, change your appearance and boost your confidence. Science is amazing. Lifting weights makes muscles bigger and surgeons can enhance cosmetic appearance--even on men. You can even change your entire clothing style if you want afterwards. Just don't give up. You'll find that you that you want to be soon enough. click to expand

@Triple_C - Appreciate your candor and advice I do have to start working out, but i had an infection in the leg, so can't workout as of now. I am decent looking , dating people is long way down the list right now. I work in IT, as a web developer and get decently paid . I do like my work, but the company I have joined, makes me hate it and has taken a toll on me and host of family problems hasn't helped either .. click to expand

click to expand

Well, I was spot on with computers, wasn't I? As a web developer, you're in high demand. Give it time, but search for other jobs using Indeed, etc. You'll get some interviews and land somewhere nice one day. Sorry about the infection. That will go away over time. Even if you can just do some upper body stuff right now, that will make you feel better. Just stay positive. Life is a mind game. If you can computers, you're smart, so dominate life mentally.

Posted by bluesky6

Posted by tctaa
is your moon in Cancer because I sense you are a very emotional person or perhaps the depression is causing that extra sensitive emotion - yes, seek some sort of therapy that helps - sometimes you have to change therapists to find one that works with you and for you - do you think there is an underlying reason for your depression or is it a chemical thing that needs some treatment/help

I agree for you to try to find another place to work - life isn't easy, no one ever said that and yes, we do die alone just like we were born alone but that doesn't mean that we can't enjoy the life we have here on earth to the fullest as possible

I am here, you are here and we all have a right to be here and everybody is somebody that deserves to be happy/comfortable in life

@tctaa My moon sign is Libra I am emotional, but I abhor it. It messes with my mind. Well "happiness" for me is different in the sense that whenever I am happy, something is taken away from me , and I don't want to be happy, it feels like you have every thing and then that makes you complacent, but this is just me.

click to expand

Strive for balance in your attitude and thoughts rather than the highs and lows of happiness and then grief - life is a roller coaster of ups and downs - try to stay in the middle and stay focused on the overall picture rather than the day to day details - some days there is a bit of progress, some days there is nothing and some days we take a step backwards - but the attitude and thought that you are continuing on no matter what stands in your way will help get you to your goal. Continue to strive not necessarily for happiness but a stable place of knowing that you have what you need on a daily basis to survive as you have your short and long term goals to work toward. It's enough for some of us to just get through the day and be grateful we wake the next morning.

Do you think you might be bi-polar - again, a good therapist can help sort some things out for you and you can help yourself with reading / self help - there is tons of information out there - again what you go through may be chemical and be helped by some low dose of some medicine.

Posted by bluesky6

Posted by tctaa
is your moon in Cancer because I sense you are a very emotional person or perhaps the depression is causing that extra sensitive emotion - yes, seek some sort of therapy that helps - sometimes you have to change therapists to find one that works with you and for you - do you think there is an underlying reason for your depression or is it a chemical thing that needs some treatment/help

I agree for you to try to find another place to work - life isn't easy, no one ever said that and yes, we do die alone just like we were born alone but that doesn't mean that we can't enjoy the life we have here on earth to the fullest as possible

I am here, you are here and we all have a right to be here and everybody is somebody that deserves to be happy/comfortable in life

@tctaa - Here are the chart details, if you want, would appreciate the insights -


sun - scorpio 20'14''
sun in the 9th house

mars - scorpio 37'5''
mars in the 9th house

mercury - scorpio 45'15''
mercury in 10th house

pluto - scorpio 56'3''
pluto in 10th house

moon - libra 45'14''
moon in 8th house

venus - virgo
venus in 8th house

jupiter - virgo 57'33''
jupiter in 8th house

ascendant - aquarius 26'10''

saturn - aquarius 56'45''
saturn in 12th house

neptune - capricorn 24'16''
neptune - 12th house

uranus - capricorn 42'45''
uranus in 12th house

click to expand

I'm not a chart expert but you've posted it so perhaps others can chime in. You have a lot of Scorpio so with reading self help books, you can also read about the Scorpio and the sensitivity and life struggle.

Scorp sun with an air moon can be challenging as the sun sign feels deeply but the moon may wish to push the feelings down ...

Posted by tctaa

Posted by bluesky6

Posted by tctaa
is your moon in Cancer because I sense you are a very emotional person or perhaps the depression is causing that extra sensitive emotion - yes, seek some sort of therapy that helps - sometimes you have to change therapists to find one that works with you and for you - do you think there is an underlying reason for your depression or is it a chemical thing that needs some treatment/help

I agree for you to try to find another place to work - life isn't easy, no one ever said that and yes, we do die alone just like we were born alone but that doesn't mean that we can't enjoy the life we have here on earth to the fullest as possible

I am here, you are here and we all have a right to be here and everybody is somebody that deserves to be happy/comfortable in life

@tctaa My moon sign is Libra I am emotional, but I abhor it. It messes with my mind. Well "happiness" for me is different in the sense that whenever I am happy, something is taken away from me , and I don't want to be happy, it feels like you have every thing and then that makes you complacent, but this is just me.

Strive for balance in your attitude and thoughts rather than the highs and lows of happiness and then grief - life is a roller coaster of ups and downs - try to stay in the middle and stay focused on the overall picture rather than the day to day details - some days there is a bit of progress, some days there is nothing and some days we take a step backwards - but the attitude and thought that you are continuing on no matter what stands in your way will help get you to your goal. Continue to strive not necessarily for happiness but a stable place of knowing that you have what you need on a daily basis to survive as you have your short and long term goals to work toward. It's enough for some of us to just get through the day and be grateful we wake the next morning.

Do you think you might be bi-polar - again, a good therapist can help sort some things out for you and you can help yourself with reading / self help - there is tons of information out there - again what you go through may be chemical and be helped by some low dose of some medicine.

click to expand

click to expand

@tctaa- I will check the bi-polar thing out. I did research regarding my symptoms, I did a ballpark guess that it might be dysthymia

Posted by bluesky6

Posted by tctaa

Posted by bluesky6

Posted by tctaa
is your moon in Cancer because I sense you are a very emotional person or perhaps the depression is causing that extra sensitive emotion - yes, seek some sort of therapy that helps - sometimes you have to change therapists to find one that works with you and for you - do you think there is an underlying reason for your depression or is it a chemical thing that needs some treatment/help

I agree for you to try to find another place to work - life isn't easy, no one ever said that and yes, we do die alone just like we were born alone but that doesn't mean that we can't enjoy the life we have here on earth to the fullest as possible

I am here, you are here and we all have a right to be here and everybody is somebody that deserves to be happy/comfortable in life

@tctaa My moon sign is Libra I am emotional, but I abhor it. It messes with my mind. Well "happiness" for me is different in the sense that whenever I am happy, something is taken away from me , and I don't want to be happy, it feels like you have every thing and then that makes you complacent, but this is just me.

Strive for balance in your attitude and thoughts rather than the highs and lows of happiness and then grief - life is a roller coaster of ups and downs - try to stay in the middle and stay focused on the overall picture rather than the day to day details - some days there is a bit of progress, some days there is nothing and some days we take a step backwards - but the attitude and thought that you are continuing on no matter what stands in your way will help get you to your goal. Continue to strive not necessarily for happiness but a stable place of knowing that you have what you need on a daily basis to survive as you have your short and long term goals to work toward. It's enough for some of us to just get through the day and be grateful we wake the next morning.

Do you think you might be bi-polar - again, a good therapist can help sort some things out for you and you can help yourself with reading / self help - there is tons of information out there - again what you go through may be chemical and be helped by some low dose of some medicine.

click to expand

@tctaa- I will check the bi-polar thing out. I did research regarding my symptoms, I did a ballpark guess that it might be dysthymia

click to expand

good stuff - they are coming out with more and more treatments that are not so awful chemical wise these days - so there is hope - there is always hope

Posted by Arkansassy

Posted by bluesky6
So a bit of background, I am scorpio man. Lately, I an again slipping back into depression and our having suicidal thoughts. This is due to butterty work environment and host of other things happening in life. Does anyone ever tell you that you are going to die alone and you yourself have felt worthless, good for nothing and you becoming emotional as a result.?

I had shared this with a close friend of mine, she told me you need therapy, it would help you. You are frustrated as of now in life and take a holiday to clear your head. Which is good advice. But I would like to solve this feeling myself. Since, I have been in this position 3 times in life. She then told me that she was depressed for the past 2 years as the nightmares due to sexual abuse had returned. I was shocked to hear this, as she kept it from me and this made me emotional.

I want to know, what do you do in those cases and cope with feelings.?
Why the surprise disclosure by my friend made me an emotional mess?

I have clinical depression. I take an SSRI to cope click to expandclick to expandclick to expandclick to expand

click to expand

My grandmother suffered from clinical depression as well, it's no joke. Not at all, and people don't understand it. I hope you have a good support system in place around you. Take good care of yourself mister.

Posted by Impulsv

Posted by bluesky6

Posted by Triple_C

Posted by bluesky6
So a bit of background, I am scorpio man. Lately, I an again slipping back into depression and our having suicidal thoughts. This is due to butterty work environment and host of other things happening in life. Does anyone ever tell you that you are going to die alone and you yourself have felt worthless, good for nothing and you becoming emotional as a result.?

I had shared this with a close friend of mine, she told me you need therapy, it would help you. You are frustrated as of now in life and take a holiday to clear your head. Which is good advice. But I would like to solve this feeling myself. Since, I have been in this position 3 times in life. She then told me that she was depressed for the past 2 years as the nightmares due to sexual abuse had returned. I was shocked to hear this, as she kept it from me and this made me emotional.

I want to know, what do you do in those cases and cope with feelings.?
Why the surprise disclosure by my friend made me an emotional mess?

I can easily help you right now. First of all, are you in shape? If not, you need to go the the gym and lift weights (and do it seriously). Try the routine Starting Strength (Rippetoe) for a few months and then progress onto 5/3/1 (Wendler). Get big, get strong, and get confident. Work is terrible for everyone. Most people dislike their jobs. Go back to school for something that makes a lot of money like computers if that REALLY matters to you. But women don't care what you do for work and you don't need money to get them. They just want you to be good looking. And there's an easy fix for that if you don't like something about your face. You can get a little plastic surgery after saving up briefly and change your whole future. There's a chin procedure guys can get called a sliding genioplasty and it makes your whole jawline look stronger with better projection. And a rhinoplasty--which you've probably heard of--removes any bumps from your nose. I have no idea what you look like, so this is not personal advice. This is just general commentary on what I would tell someone in your situation. And who says that you are going to die alone? Only a psycho would tell someone that. It's not about dying alone, either, because we all "die alone." You just want to be happy before you die and I feel you on all of that. Definitely don't be depressed, because as long as you have working limbs and will power, you can get in great shape and even enhance your facial structure if you wanted. Things like chin implants are pretty popular in the business world, but no one talks about them.

Anyways, this was not meant to be so much about plastic surgery. It is more about options. There are many, many options for you. If you aren't attracting the women you want, change your appearance and boost your confidence. Science is amazing. Lifting weights makes muscles bigger and surgeons can enhance cosmetic appearance--even on men. You can even change your entire clothing style if you want afterwards. Just don't give up. You'll find that you that you want to be soon enough. click to expand

@Triple_C - Appreciate your candor and advice I do have to start working out, but i had an infection in the leg, so can't workout as of now. I am decent looking , dating people is long way down the list right now. I work in IT, as a web developer and get decently paid . I do like my work, but the company I have joined, makes me hate it and has taken a toll on me and host of family problems hasn't helped either .. click to expand

It just with wrong company
Start searching for another employer
U will feel empowered because well u are
U are bringing options click to expand

click to expand

Well work is one part of it. The other thing is that my parents are planning to get separated, because my mom is fed up of my dad and if that happens I don't want her to worry about me

Posted by Impulsv

Posted by bluesky6

Posted by Impulsv
Had training today n finally realized what has been going on with me :traumatic stress .
First responders deal with this when bottled emotions
Anger , disconnect , over emotional , depressed. Like you on top of life stressors the job pilled on more n think was a trigger. Counseling although helpful has been limiting. Not so long ago I hit rock bottom because for the first time I could see no way out of this employment n really felt in order to survive I might have to quit. First time I serious thought about death but I would not do it as to family. Any who my sister must have sense n called m did something very touching . kinda helped to snap out of it. Well I agree with the training. Making an effort to Connecting with others. I know these times we want to isolate but we should reach out to those we love.
Talk to them
About work , what’s going on.
You are not alone. Seems your freind understood you completely having been there
Also taking 5htp which has helped greatly
I have a great psychiatrist, who helped with dosing for me upping it to 400 mg
That must be monitored as well.

Self care-
I signed up massage subscription

Posted by bluesky6
So a bit of background, I am scorpio man. Lately, I an again slipping back into depression and our having suicidal thoughts. This is due to butterty work environment and host of other things happening in life. Does anyone ever tell you that you are going to die alone and you yourself have felt worthless, good for nothing and you becoming emotional as a result.?

I had shared this with a close friend of mine, she told me you need therapy, it would help you. You are frustrated as of now in life and take a holiday to clear your head. Which is good advice. But I would like to solve this feeling myself. Since, I have been in this position 3 times in life. She then told me that she was depressed for the past 2 years as the nightmares due to sexual abuse had returned. I was shocked to hear this, as she kept it from me and this made me emotional.

I want to know, what do you do in those cases and cope with feelings.?
Why the surprise disclosure by my friend made me an emotional mess?

click to expand

@Impulsv - Thank you for sharing your story. Personally for me, there have been days where I have googled ways to die and read about them in detail and have decided three ways to die (painless to mild pain). I am not afraid of death, however it makes my mind at ease,if there comes a time where I would end my life, I have three ways and not think about it much. There is no way in living like this. click to expand

There is another way we have to take step as difficult as it seems. first get a counselor
I said limited because it’s up to me to fight for me n love myself . She can only do so much
I have turned it around
Sorrow fed myself on trip to Mexico with my extended family
It was Nurishing
We have to work towards getting out of isolation
You are not alone as you have found a dear freind who gets it. Seek each other out n talk click to expand

click to expand

I will take baby steps and more importantly, plan a week holiday alone. It is been ages since I have taken a long holiday

I would like to thank everyone who has replied to the thread and helped it to be an open discussion. Appreciate it. 🙂

Sorry, this off topic, but I had a thought that i tried to pen down few weeks back. Let me know what you think about it.



Each and every person in the world is a network...like a central core, and it is connected via modes such as friends, acquaintances, work colleagues etc.. Then there are people who are best friends, who know everything, in networking terms they are your point of contact, where the most sensitive information is stored..

And the quantity of information stored at the nodes depends on the role they play in your life. Each of the networks can hack other networks, for information or to destroy the central core

So I was thinking what would be a better plan to avoid the hack, don't have single point of failure i.e. best friends or to have information stored in such a way that each node in a particular network has information believed to be important but stored in fragments.. Viz acquaintances.. That means have lesser number of friends or best friends and more acquaintances..

There is also a possibility of disguising a friend node as acquaintances modes so that the other network will have to spend a crazy amount of time, hacking a network, because the information is stored in fragments, across acquaintances node and thus minimizing the chances of infecting the network, than to have multiple points of failure......

Depression is tough. Typically there isn't a pin to point to "get over it" like people often suggest. It may sound repetitive but getting therapy, eating healthy and working out *do* in fact help. Endorphins are released through working out and you can talk out of a lot of your daily thoughts with someone who can re-direct your thought process in a positive way. Your friend sharing their troubles ultimately was bad timing, although may have been with good intention for you not to feel alone. Feeling alone in a world full of people can be devastating.



In addition to that, I would like to make some suggestions that have helped me. I have found that keeping track of small victories and daily affirmations have been helpful. Our minds are most powerful. Remember that!

Jot down things that make you most upset or bring you down, anything that makes you feel negative and find a solution to replace it with a positive change.



I personally can tell what my mental state is like based on my surroundings and how clean my place is. Small victories: waking up and making my bed. This prevents me from sleeping in too long, from being in my thoughts too long and from feeling overwhelmed about the mess I have. Im generally a clean and very organized person so having a mess in my area suffocates me. Get rid of any junk you don't need. clean your space, clean your mind.



Another small victory, taking a walk during my lunch or break. Hating your job and being exhausted at the end of the day only adds to the negative tolls on your mind and body. Walks are good to get you going, clear your mind, soak up some sun, see some people and detox even if for a few moments from work and coworkers. If you're not happy with your job, ask yourself why? What would make you happy in a work environment and search for that. Most people will enjoy a job where they feel fulfilled, its not always about money or status but about fulfillment.



Talking to someone is most effective, just let it out. As scorpios we keep alot inside out of hesitation to overwhelm someone with the same feelings that overwhelm us. These feelings are what you are experiencing, so the person you tell is not experiencing it, they can offer an outside perspective if not, at least a listening ear. A therapist would be most helpful and if you need a SSRI to help then that's ok, see what works for you so you can remember what life is like when you don't have a cloud of depression in your mind. What life is like in a state of happiness. Sometimes its a small dose or adjustment that can help, obsessive thoughts of suicide sometimes are a result of a build of things which you can dissect, divide and conquer. Life is so beautiful, this land, this view, there are amazing people with huge hearts and great intentions. Animals who you can love and love you back without boundaries. Don't rely on someone to fulfill you but complement you and enjoy this beautiful life together. Garden, cook, paint, dance, run, lay in the sun, read, learn, play instruments, live 🙂



I believe we shouldn't change who we are but embrace it and love ourselves sooooo much for exactly how we are. Improve the way you want to improve by setting tangible plans that you can take action on. Remember: small victories. Release the negative, and water yourself daily with positive thoughts. You are strong, you are worthy, YOU ARE LOVE.

You can be more predisposed to depression if it runs in your family

Also, don't know if you have social media but delete all that asap.

OP, have you considered that there are likely to be billions of people on the planet who are considerably less fortunate than you?

That could be with health, job, money, family, friends, environment etc.

As my old nan would say, there's plenty worse off than me. She lived to 89, was born just after WW1, survived the Blitz in WW2, had loads of medical problems, life was tough, raised two kids, didn't have a pot to piss in front start to finish... Never did she 'woe is me' or wallow in self pity. I think it's the mind set. People these days are very self focused. They don't put things into perspective and only see me, me, me.

It sounds like you have a good job that is reasonably well paid. I assume you have a roof over your head and aside from a gammy leg, your health is reasonably OK.

So your work isn't giving you a mass of satisfaction or your employer is shit. Do you really think any employer gives a shit? Would the grass be that much greener elsewhere? Probably not. Do you think you're the only one in the same boat? Of course not.

If you're that unhappy then change it.

There's people in the world who didn't want to die unexpectedly. They were going about their day when a bomb went off, a bullet hit them, they got stabbed, acid was thrown over them, they were kidnapped, raped, murdered, had limbs chopped off, people everyday get told they will die prematurely from a terminal illness... Yet you sit there freely 'Googling' about wanting to die!

Seriously, how selfish are you?

If you actually want to die then go find a quiet corner somewhere and just end it. Then let your family pick up the pieces because I'm sure it's something they'd love to do, moping up after their son who couldn't hack life because his head was do far up his own arse he couldn't see anything else in life.

If you don't want to kill yourself then go and take a holiday to somewhere that will show you how bad your life actually isn't right now.

Try Syria, Israel/Gaza, Sudan, parts of China, stop over at North Korea, I hear these places are currently looking for people who are clearly worse off than them right now. I'm sure you'd be in the running. Maybe you could volunteer to help an eight year old girl who had her legs blown off by some cunt at a concert here in the UK. He also thought it was a good thing to die too. You could see who has a 'shitter' life. You or her?

You're a Scorpio. Where's your fucking resilience and tenacity? Or is that depressed too!

Posted by AgentP911
OP, have you considered that there are likely to be billions of people on the planet who are considerably less fortunate than you?

That could be with health, job, money, family, friends, environment etc.

As my old nan would say, there's plenty worse off than me. She lived to 89, was born just after WW1, survived the Blitz in WW2, had loads of medical problems, life was tough, raised two kids, didn't have a pot to piss in front start to finish... Never did she 'woe is me' or wallow in self pity. I think it's the mind set. People these days are very self focused. They don't put things into perspective and only see me, me, me.

It sounds like you have a good job that is reasonably well paid. I assume you have a roof over your head and aside from a gammy leg, your health is reasonably OK.

So your work isn't giving you a mass of satisfaction or your employer is shit. Do you really think any employer gives a shit? Would the grass be that much greener elsewhere? Probably not. Do you think you're the only one in the same boat? Of course not.

If you're that unhappy then change it.

There's people in the world who didn't want to die unexpectedly. They were going about their day when a bomb went off, a bullet hit them, they got stabbed, acid was thrown over them, they were kidnapped, raped, murdered, had limbs chopped off, people everyday get told they will die prematurely from a terminal illness... Yet you sit there freely 'Googling' about wanting to die!

Seriously, how selfish are you?

If you actually want to die then go find a quiet corner somewhere and just end it. Then let your family pick up the pieces because I'm sure it's something they'd love to do, moping up after their son who couldn't hack life because his head was do far up his own arse he couldn't see anything else in life.

If you don't want to kill yourself then go and take a holiday to somewhere that will show you how bad your life actually isn't right now.

Try Syria, Israel/Gaza, Sudan, parts of China, stop over at North Korea, I hear these places are currently looking for people who are clearly worse off than them right now. I'm sure you'd be in the running. Maybe you could volunteer to help an eight year old girl who had her legs blown off by some cunt at a concert here in the UK. He also thought it was a good thing to die too. You could see who has a 'shitter' life. You or her?

You're a Scorpio. Where's your fucking resilience and tenacity? Or is that depressed too!

Clearly you haven't truly experienced depression, while I get that there are things going on in the world which may seem worse to you, the way a person feels is what the person feels. The weight of depression can be heavy, the thoughts alone cause people to not want to live. Do you get that——?? Are you understanding??

You hear about all of these things happening, what are you doing to help—? By telling someone to off himself when he is clearly struggling, clearing reaching for help??

Does that make you feel like a better person? I hope not. You are shit.

I believe you owe OP an apology, although compassion and empathy may not be in your forte what you said was cruel and rude.

Remember that everything you put out, returns trifold to you. I hope you reconsider.

Posted by wildflower

Posted by AgentP911
OP, have you considered that there are likely to be billions of people on the planet who are considerably less fortunate than you?

That could be with health, job, money, family, friends, environment etc.

As my old nan would say, there's plenty worse off than me. She lived to 89, was born just after WW1, survived the Blitz in WW2, had loads of medical problems, life was tough, raised two kids, didn't have a pot to piss in front start to finish... Never did she 'woe is me' or wallow in self pity. I think it's the mind set. People these days are very self focused. They don't put things into perspective and only see me, me, me.

It sounds like you have a good job that is reasonably well paid. I assume you have a roof over your head and aside from a gammy leg, your health is reasonably OK.

So your work isn't giving you a mass of satisfaction or your employer is butter. Do you really think any employer gives a butter? Would the grass be that much greener elsewhere? Probably not. Do you think you're the only one in the same boat? Of course not.

If you're that unhappy then change it.

There's people in the world who didn't want to die unexpectedly. They were going about their day when a bomb went off, a bullet hit them, they got stabbed, acid was thrown over them, they were kidnapped, raped, murdered, had limbs chopped off, people everyday get told they will die prematurely from a terminal illness... Yet you sit there freely 'Googling' about wanting to die!

Seriously, how selfish are you?

If you actually want to die then go find a quiet corner somewhere and just end it. Then let your family pick up the pieces because I'm sure it's something they'd love to do, moping up after their son who couldn't hack life because his head was do far up his own arse he couldn't see anything else in life.

If you don't want to kill yourself then go and take a holiday to somewhere that will show you how bad your life actually isn't right now.

Try Syria, Israel/Gaza, Sudan, parts of China, stop over at North Korea, I hear these places are currently looking for people who are clearly worse off than them right now. I'm sure you'd be in the running. Maybe you could volunteer to help an eight year old girl who had her legs blown off by some bleep at a concert here in the UK. He also thought it was a good thing to die too. You could see who has a 'butterter' life. You or her?

You're a Scorpio. Where's your treetrunking resilience and tenacity? Or is that depressed too!

Clearly you haven't truly experienced depression, while I get that there are things going on in the world which may seem worse to you, the way a person feels is what the person feels. The weight of depression can be heavy, the thoughts alone cause people to not want to live. Do you get that——?? Are you understanding??

You hear about all of these things happening, what are you doing to help—? By telling someone to off himself when he is clearly struggling, clearing reaching for help??
Does that make you feel like a better person? I hope not. You are butter.
I believe you owe OP an apology, although compassion and empathy may not be in your forte what you said was cruel and rude.

Remember that everything you put out, returns trifold to you. I hope you reconsider. click to expand

click to expand

Those are my thoughts and feelings on OP's situation, which I am entitled to, and no 'apology' is required.

Talk to a therapist..no meds. I been around a lot of scorps..in my opinion with scorp's doing something to block the pain do not work. You have to be ready to face your shit and learn skills to handle it and move on. I notice this with all fix signs...the first thing they do is to replace the problem with something else..quick fix and denials. There are people who benifit by replacing depression with exercising and so on..but I just believe scorps or people with heavy fix or scorp placements need to see there shit look at and deal with it.

Especially if you have a Scorpio moon..they have issues with seeing themselves or expressing themselves. Also fix signs will stay in one emotion for along period of time...even when they know you are saying some true shit.

So again talk to therapist and face some of your issues and own it.

I just said this to two scorps I know. One of them went to a therapist for the first time and he basically manipulated the doctor. He convince himself that he didn't have a problem. When he told me the whole conversation I just shock my head. He went there bragging about his accomplishments and how he is well like. He also admit to me that in his session he lied about his childhood because he didn't want to talk about it. I ask him well why did you go..he just said he don't know why but he realize he is good so will not be going back.Smh.

The 2nd scorp have been to the therapist for years. Every 3 to 6 months she change her doctor because she hate what they say. She complain to me on how they give her bad advice. She lie to the doctors and just argumentative.. Just a mess.

Both of them try not to face there problems.

To every Scorpio on here talking about they have suicide thoughts, it’s just the devil and his demons! And if you guys don’t believe in God, THATS THE PROBLEM! Give your life to him, try something different, go to a church and get prayed over and start talking and praying to him! You’ll see a big difference! #GIVE-IT-A-TRY#! It’s free it doesn’t cost you anything! God bless you all🙏🏽🙏🏽

Posted by Victorious
Well, she's your friend so of course you will be upset.

Anyway, depression is due to imbalances within the body caused by all kinds of environmental factors.

The first thing to do is set a regular sleep schedule and stick with it. Try for 7 hours minimum a night and consistently be in bed ready for sleep the same time most nights.

Second thing is to evaluate the nutrients you are receiving, so yes, eat healthier, take certain supplements that boosts minerals. Vitamin D deficiency is very real.

Third thing is to exercise, consistently. Not only will this release endorphins it will also give you a goal to continually work towards. You will progress and you will feel better and better.

Then, go out more, shake up your routine. Do something new once a week.

Last thing, it's normal to feel down, realise its a temporary thing, it will come back at some point but it will go again too.

Therapy is an option but make sure everything else is in place first (unless you have witnessed or experienced some truly traumatic things.)

@Victorious - Thank you for the input. The things that you have mentioned is few and far. No consistency

Hi, Bluesky6. When you posted some of your placements, the first thing catching my eyes was the 12th house Saturn. I have that too, I was where you are now and not looking forward to the next time, but I know it's out there, ahead.

Also, you have other planets in the twelfth house that I do not have, but - this site is a lot about astrology so my suggestion is not that out of place - please read a lot about them all. And no, do not start crying over them. Keep searching till you start seeing the good part of it and work on imaging a life following those lines. Think how it would feel. Play with that information.

For me - I've really only read astrology for less than an year now - it's been so funny. I have no idea now about where is going to take me.

Funny because I have a scientific and atheist education. And my work interests followed that line. I find confort in structure. But I've always been struggling emotionally, from considering myself a total weirdo up to the extremes you describe. I have the moon and Neptune in Scorpio, but, as if it were't enough, my Saturn is opposing them from the 12th. Quite a ride.

I've read a lot of psychology and medicine to try make some sense out of me, I ve even undertaken therapy for a couple of years (the circumstances though weren't right and it didn't really help me; moreover, I was attracted by the cognitive behavioural approach of David Burns, but could only afford one therapist and he was a mistic pisces guy that believed in years long therapy and the right hemisphere but couldn't explain himself and thought he needn't to; made feel stupid, helpless and hopeless). I ve reasearched a lot on antidepressants and couldn't make my mind. Between conflicting theories, the real need for help and the reviews written by people that actually took these drugs (also my medical studies helped increase the doubts, because the fact is we know so damn little), I could only settle for a reversible MAOI, Aurorix, but as it wasn't available in my country, I couldn't afford it for too long.

Maybe it is not appropriate to discuss such details. These experiences tend to be very personal and there is always the fear that someone might take them as solid advice, which they cannot be. I trust the intelligence and good sense of dxpnet-ers, God help us.

Well, long story short, I couldn't "cross over" (as Brandon Flowers put it in Spaceman), but in the end I had no choice but give up. Almost everything. Then something very beautiful and powerful happened to me and it was like I took a flash glimpse in another dimension, where people decide to live as if they have the right to be happy and free of burdens, in spite life's problems. I know I cannot really be like that, I do have a strong dark dimension, like Tennessy Williams squared, but a year has passed since and that light in my head still shines. And I do not remember why the astrology entered my interest then, but I started reading on it. And is very hard for a square head like me to really make sense of it, but working on my birth chart I kinda saw patterns and explanations and possibilities that I haven't found anywhere until now. I do not know how's gonna end, but for now I'm caught. I doubt I m going to become spiritual or some shade of nutty. But I feel better, in spite of the hardship in my birth chart, I play with possibilities and work on contingency plans for future hard transits.

Perhaps the key for me was my real life experience involving a Gemini. (Look for one, if that is compatible with you, maybe you can catch that beautiful light of these wonderful beings.)

Perhaps I was already changed by hardship and surrendering and therefore I could see without my eyes being veiled by the tunnel view of stubbornly wanting something.

The worst , last struggle took me 5 years. I had to surrender 3 years ago. For two years I floated in a pseudo zen state, indifferent, not wanting anything anymore. It was long. I had luck, in spite of all there were wonderful people who helped me just have enough safety so i could slowly heal my wounds. It meant all to me.

I do not know how it s going to be from now on. Once a Spaceman, there are always "those voices at night". But my view has shifted and also my interests in life. And I know it is all a matter of how you see things. I do feel stronger and ask myself if the next hit is really going to succeed in bringing me down again.

If you want, take on the challenge of understanding your birth chart. If only as a game. Turn it around and play with possibilities. Pretend it contains a solution and play constructing a life that allows beauty and light, because is possible. (Example: this Saturn to me feels like the world would never really accept or allow me to be happy and appreciated. Now I honestly think: fuck the world. My life is mine and I'm going to do my best to feel good even if I'll have to hide, pretend or make a small sacrifice for survival. And now i feel like I can see and understand people so well and I have a courage to deal with them that I hadn't before). After all, when we feel so bad we need to give our minds something to do. And there is always a solution. I haven't found it, but for now the journey is good.

Also, with regard to life style measures: I felt benefit following a well planned ketogenic diet, taking some supplements:vit B, C, K2, good quality Omega-3, magnesium (but all these I did after the hardship has passed). I am also curious about everything and like music and literature. But when my depression was deep and dark I felt like music and beauty and books are things that do not regard me anymore, I felt excluded from everything. I only wanted to be alone and well isolated from the world. Still today I wonder if my health wasn't irreversibly compromised, although I do feel rather fine now. What this experience did to me is it built a kind of shell around me. I can now look at a bad situation threatening me and x ray it so I can understand it better, see its evil side reaching for my vulnerability but it cannot really touch me. I suppose there is a degree of mental/affective fatigue, perhaps the chemicals in the brain have changed somehow and is more difficult to get a rise out of me. The keto diet improved my emotional and mental balance even more. I suppose, if it were the case, I could think: "ok, so I lost my house and money and I'm alone. I shall find the nearest pubblic library and update on survival techniques before heading for the woods.. this is going to be interesting".

I wish it were so, if it was to happen. 😅 I travel light now, I feel that my job, house, most of my friends, my bank account, library, all are just temporarily with me and I keep a mental backpack ready just in case. I try to do things the best I can, offer help and respect to whom is in need, but I only give if I think right and worthy, even if I expect nothing in exchange. I do fight for my dignity. That's how it feels, my 12th house Saturn, now that I decided to sail the universe on my own. This way, I can enjoy it's beauty more, without expecting much, if anything, in return. I suppose it is a bit like being mature and independent. It is rather lonesome. Like a cat.

http://astroarena12.blogspot.it/2015/03/neptune-in-12th-house.html?m=1

Here, try this article. It's language really does make me a bit uneasy and feels like I myself express using a ready made, stereotypal language of some new age sort, which embarrasses my rational thinking. Strangely, however, these things give me some relief as my mind plays with them, looking for a solution. I just wish I could reach it without suffering too much.

Posted by LittleStar

Posted by AgentP911
OP, have you considered that there are likely to be billions of people on the planet who are considerably less fortunate than you?

That could be with health, job, money, family, friends, environment etc.

As my old nan would say, there's plenty worse off than me. She lived to 89, was born just after WW1, survived the Blitz in WW2, had loads of medical problems, life was tough, raised two kids, didn't have a pot to piss in front start to finish... Never did she 'woe is me' or wallow in self pity. I think it's the mind set. People these days are very self focused. They don't put things into perspective and only see me, me, me.

It sounds like you have a good job that is reasonably well paid. I assume you have a roof over your head and aside from a gammy leg, your health is reasonably OK.

So your work isn't giving you a mass of satisfaction or your employer is butter. Do you really think any employer gives a butter? Would the grass be that much greener elsewhere? Probably not. Do you think you're the only one in the same boat? Of course not.

If you're that unhappy then change it.

There's people in the world who didn't want to die unexpectedly. They were going about their day when a bomb went off, a bullet hit them, they got stabbed, acid was thrown over them, they were kidnapped, raped, murdered, had limbs chopped off, people everyday get told they will die prematurely from a terminal illness... Yet you sit there freely 'Googling' about wanting to die!

Seriously, how selfish are you?

If you actually want to die then go find a quiet corner somewhere and just end it. Then let your family pick up the pieces because I'm sure it's something they'd love to do, moping up after their son who couldn't hack life because his head was do far up his own arse he couldn't see anything else in life.

If you don't want to kill yourself then go and take a holiday to somewhere that will show you how bad your life actually isn't right now.

Try Syria, Israel/Gaza, Sudan, parts of China, stop over at North Korea, I hear these places are currently looking for people who are clearly worse off than them right now. I'm sure you'd be in the running. Maybe you could volunteer to help an eight year old girl who had her legs blown off by some bleep at a concert here in the UK. He also thought it was a good thing to die too. You could see who has a 'butterter' life. You or her?

You're a Scorpio. Where's your treetrunking resilience and tenacity? Or is that depressed too!

You can have everything and be depressed. It is an illness, not a transient feeling.

You can still recognize what privileges you have over others and suffer from depression.

It’s not a contest. It’s not about who suffers worse. All suffering in any form is suffering. Telling this suffering person to get over it because others have other forms of suffering isn’t going to help this person. click to expand

click to expand

I'm not telling OP to simply 'get over it'. I'm telling OP to get perspective of himself and his life. There's a difference between the two. How do you know what will and what will not help this person? You don't.

Posted by LittleStar

Posted by AgentP911

Posted by LittleStar

Posted by AgentP911
OP, have you considered that there are likely to be billions of people on the planet who are considerably less fortunate than you?

That could be with health, job, money, family, friends, environment etc.

As my old nan would say, there's plenty worse off than me. She lived to 89, was born just after WW1, survived the Blitz in WW2, had loads of medical problems, life was tough, raised two kids, didn't have a pot to piss in front start to finish... Never did she 'woe is me' or wallow in self pity. I think it's the mind set. People these days are very self focused. They don't put things into perspective and only see me, me, me.

It sounds like you have a good job that is reasonably well paid. I assume you have a roof over your head and aside from a gammy leg, your health is reasonably OK.

So your work isn't giving you a mass of satisfaction or your employer is butter. Do you really think any employer gives a butter? Would the grass be that much greener elsewhere? Probably not. Do you think you're the only one in the same boat? Of course not.

If you're that unhappy then change it.

There's people in the world who didn't want to die unexpectedly. They were going about their day when a bomb went off, a bullet hit them, they got stabbed, acid was thrown over them, they were kidnapped, raped, murdered, had limbs chopped off, people everyday get told they will die prematurely from a terminal illness... Yet you sit there freely 'Googling' about wanting to die!

Seriously, how selfish are you?

If you actually want to die then go find a quiet corner somewhere and just end it. Then let your family pick up the pieces because I'm sure it's something they'd love to do, moping up after their son who couldn't hack life because his head was do far up his own arse he couldn't see anything else in life.

If you don't want to kill yourself then go and take a holiday to somewhere that will show you how bad your life actually isn't right now.

Try Syria, Israel/Gaza, Sudan, parts of China, stop over at North Korea, I hear these places are currently looking for people who are clearly worse off than them right now. I'm sure you'd be in the running. Maybe you could volunteer to help an eight year old girl who had her legs blown off by some bleep at a concert here in the UK. He also thought it was a good thing to die too. You could see who has a 'butterter' life. You or her?

You're a Scorpio. Where's your treetrunking resilience and tenacity? Or is that depressed too!

You can have everything and be depressed. It is an illness, not a transient feeling.

You can still recognize what privileges you have over others and suffer from depression.

It’s not a contest. It’s not about who suffers worse. All suffering in any form is suffering. Telling this suffering person to get over it because others have other forms of suffering isn’t going to help this person. click to expand

I'm not telling OP to simply 'get over it'. I'm telling OP to get perspective of himself and his life. There's a difference between the two. How do you know what will and what will not help this person? You don't. click to expand

Depression isn’t “my life sucks” and seeing others who have it worse will make them suddenly cured. I know because I have done that and while it was nice to get a chance to help people it still hasn’t fixed my life.

You really don’t understand how much of a PHYSICAL problem depression is. The systems are physical and mental and the emotional part is only a part of that. click to expand

click to expand

What's your point?

www.astrologyforthesoul.com/moses/pludoaspctx.html

Following the idea of using information as an instrument for making sense of what we experience, I would like to suggest this article, from I site I just started reading and I like it. It is about Pluto aspects. Of course I do not know your chart, but Pluto is strongly associated with Scorpio and I think you will find familiarities. In my chart, for example, Pluto is very strong and I kind of see its themes as very much associated with my experiences. Reading on it gives me much food for thought. And also hope and helps shaping an image of myself much different of the one I had during depression. Opens interesting perspectives. I find this very useful.

I also read a book I just found about. It is "Astrology and the rising of Kundalini: The transformation power of Saturn, Chiron and Uranus", by Barbara Hand Claw. It is kind of weird for my usual skeptic and scientifically inclined self to find myself recommending a book of a pillar of New Age that is in communication with aliens etc. But I would appreciate a good idea from anyone and I believe with astrology I find myself in a realm of metaphors. For one, because the scientific solid ground of facts and laws is far from it right now. Second, because - at least for me - it is so hard to really understand all these intricaties, to see the whole picture yet. I think it's like reading poetry and let your mind explore it. It is very interesting.

I hope you find it useful, in your journey.

Just know that the dark side of what you experience is not really true. It's the suffering one feels when trapped in a wicked maze, until one makes sense of it.

Then again - here's a sample of black humorism- the relative peace I experience now may be just brain damage.

(Robert Sapolsky once was talking about brain degeneration with age and made this half joke, that what is considered the wise peace of mind we reach at an old age could instead be just brain damage; in all honesty, after passing through long years of severe depression, I sometimes wonder if it s not the truth.)

Then again, may be the expression of a healthy coping mechanism, with the mind using all ressources available for building the balance and joy that we all need.

Observations on your network model.

As Scorpios, we have a profound need to connect to a deep level. Superficiality doesn't satisfy us at all. So it's only natural to try and obtain meaningful, trustful relationship with other people, as friends or s.o.

There are things to keep in mind though, when expecting understanding and trust.

We have to understand ourselves and the other ones too. Much more complicated than it may seem. Most of the times, instead of suffering for, say, betrayal of trust, we must try to see what experience shows us in terms of what we have overlooked or taken for granted. The other person might have very different view, experiences, needs and capacity to understand us, than we expected. They may have their own problems that condition how they react to us. As we strongly need support, we may not be able to see these aspects of the other person.

Knowing ourselves too, is difficult. We often are strongly conditioned, during our more vulnerable stages of development, towards a way of living that may not satisfy our deepest needs. It takes a lot of time and suffering to free ourselves from this conditioning. Barbara Hand Clow associates this with the transits of Saturn, Chiron and Uranus (especially Uranus).

Saturn in the 12th is also associated with strong need for connection and support from others. But they say our suffering is such that we cannot really be understood by others and we mostly have to learn to help ourselves. Which is not that terrible, after all, as it is an aspect of being mature.

We need to learn to let go, to not cling and depend. To experience life as a personal search for authenticity.

Therefore, granted networking is linked to our survival, do not put all the weight and expectations on it. What we really need is not a matter of networking. Try to understand we cannot control what others chose to do and not get that hurt by them. I know there are people with whom we can connect as we need. I've experienced it and it made me become more whole and serene. And it was so totally unapparent to others and so difficult to explain - if I tried - that I suddenly shook off all my interest for approval or integration.

If I were you, I'd take a break (I was obligated to take a break, I was broken, so try not to reach that point, very few things are really important). And I'd think about what I'd like my life to be if I were totally free to chose it. I'd read a lot, including astrology, I'd take care of myself. When I'd understand what I need, I'd start looking for ways to get it. While never stop learning. 😊

Meh.....I’m mostly selfish. When I deal with my depression? I just sort my thoughts for as long as it takes and drop everything else. As far as dying alone....I’m a Scorpio. I’m only alone if I choose to be. I have people who deeply love me. And, If I want a new companion I’ll have it. It’s sounds arrogant saying it. But, it doesn’t make it any less true. Sometimes it just takes me a while to remember it. 💡

I want to know, what do you do in those cases and cope with feelings.?

I've found my way back to this board tonight after a several year absence because things are that way for me too right now and I'm hoping to see trend issue posts ( like yours ) or an KNOWN outright astrological phenomenon that might affect us, going on right now. ( A few years ago there was a BIG one which caused irrational anger in many here and it is a wonder none of us killed anyone. )

So ... to answer ... just know others experience it too, for whatever reason, and certainly it affects us more when life isn't going perfect to begin with. As for being "alone" - that part is up to you. Yup, many women's values have changed, making the partner market more complicated ( and "they" will end up alone, too ) and you can't even talk to a woman at a club 100% sure she's not transgender. lol

Why the surprise disclosure by my friend made me an emotional mess?

click to expand

Since I was a teen, well over 20 girls and women have confided in me their secrets about this stuff.

We are good listeners - we let them talk - not interrupting or trying to finish their sentences when they struggle for the words - and we tend to have empathy and not judge them... and then I ask them questions to help them sort out their feelings and what to do, so that I'm not the one advising them. But if they have a stupid idea, I tell the probably consequence and let them consider it.

In your case, you were also being vulnerable with her - so maybe she felt safe to share a personal secret.

That is a good indicator that she won't use your secret against you someday.

Anyway, I'm sure this will pass if you give it time.

WHATEVER you do, DO NOT "hang yourself". Can take like a half hour of excruciating pain & suffering before you lose consciousness. I am totally sure that everyone who did this regretted their method within a few seconds...and for several loooonnng minutes thereafter.

An update ---

Almost 2.5 months after this post,I would like to update, that I have switched my job, closer to my home, so the traveling time is also reduced. The environment is good, and the pay is decent as well. This has help to allay the depression tendency to the minimum and I am in a way better head space to deal with the thoughts. I am still sorting out the process, but this is/was a major component.

I thought, you all should know, I owe you that much 🙂