At my wits end!

So being an aquarius woman, when I started dating my scorpio man, I knew we were going to butt heads a lot. I was prepared to have major communication issues, and him and I even had several discussions about it, and I thought we both were prepared.

Long story short, I went to throw him a surprise birthday party. I went through his phone to see who he talks to the most to see who to invite, because I know scorpios only want to share certain things with certain people, and I found a lot of stuff I wasn't happy with. I had told him I never wanted to go through his phone, but I had to! I wanted him to have a nice surprise party, and actually had been planning the party for almost a month. It wasn't until it was literally last second that I did it, because I had no clue who to invite and all my prodding prior to that was useless.

From then on we fought. I know it upset him. I tried my best to apologize, and even told him what I had done. If I wouldn't have told him, he would've never known, but I did it because I felt really awful over what I saw.

After we resolved that issue, he started making deep connections with me. He said that he loved me, and was even talking about making changes to his house to accommodate me better. He was planning all our holidays, and even a vacation for the summer.

Well being an aquarian, and going through the life events I have, I get stuck in my head. A lot. One night I over analyzed things, and just asked him if he still desired me. I wasn't trying to fight, but I needed to know because it had been a while since he complimented me in any way. He got angry and started yelling at me that he doesn't do anything right. After a while, I told him he was more important to me than fighting, and to just forget it. When he didn't drop it, I hung up on him, to which he texted me and said that he couldn't do it anymore, but then retracted by saying he didn't want to do anything out of anger.

I had been trying to get him to talk me, but was completely froze out (another lovely scorp trait I've learned) but after two weeks, he finally responded. I tried to keep it light hearted, but casually asked when I could get my things from his house, to which he responded that he would let me know, he wasn't putting a time frame on it, and asked if that was the only reason I contacted him. He admitted he didn't mean to make me feel like I shouldn't be talking to him, and that he wanted to talk to me, but then he went back to radio silence

TL;DR continued...

Later that night after our conversation he added me back on facebook. He has yet to remove/block me and I can see where he still reads every message I send him.

So a week after our conversation, I sent him a message saying if I don't get my stuff soon, I will file a warrant for theft. Within 10 minutes, his mom texted me and said she will be mailing my stuff.

I guess I'm looking for validation. What does his behavior mean? Why would he hold my stuff a month later and refuses to talk to me about getting it back? He also still reads all the messages I send him, but doesn't reply. Is it an ego thing? A taurus friend says he cares, a gemini friend says hes shut down and to give him space, one scorpio friend says the he has made his choice and to move on, while another scorpio friend says he is testing me and I should continue light contact.

Any advice from scorpios, or insight would be helpful. I truly know he cares more than he is letting on. He has told me some intense personal things, and has even cried in front of me. I have only known one other scorpio to do that with me, and she has basically told me she would murder for me. But with his constant freeze, I feel like I need to just let it go.

Please help this confused Aquarian.

wow, you're a fucking cunt

The ability to ask several of his friends, who more friends are was present ... but, instead you use his birthday for an excuse to snoop into his privacy.

And then you threaten to bring legal charges against him.


and then to beat all .... you come in here to ask us what the fuck is up with him because he has backed away from you?


What a piece of shit.

Posted by feby16aqua

Posted by aqualady2


So a week after our conversation, I sent him a message saying if I don't get my stuff soon, I will file a warrant for theft. Within 10 minutes, his mom texted me and said she will be mailing my stuff.

Why did you send him a message like that?
Now his family is involved? That means he is telling his Mom about you?? How embarrassing!!!! I'm not getting a good feeling about this. I would probably just lay low and let him contact me when he is ready and hide in shame lol.

click to expand

Understandable.

He was telling his mom about me from day 1. She knew the moment we started talking because he is extremely close with her. I sent him that message because I literally felt like I had no more options as to how to get my stuff back. I know I did wrong, and immediately regret it, but I felt it was my only choice to get my things. 😢

Posted by feby16aqua
I'm not sure I would think of throwing my bf a surprise party if I had no idea who to invite?? Especially if it meant going through his phone so heavily to find the numbers of people I didn't even know?? That just sounds a bit weird to me....

Well there was a long story, and I tried to keep my post short.

His family and I had been in discussions about what to do for his birthday. We all wanted to do something, and they wanted to surprise him, because he is always pulling pranks on them. His aunt was supposed to help me invite people, because she knew who to invite.

After two weeks of being in contact with her, I gave up. She apologized, which I wasn't mad, but at that point we all had put in a lot of effort and money for the party, and it was too late. One of his friends that we both knew was supposed to help me too, but due to issues with her relationship that fell through too.

Finally I had asked him. I played it off like we were planning a get together for another night. He agreed to get me names of people to invite. After almost two weeks of waiting, it literally was a week prior, I still had no names, and had only his family invited.

I truly did it from the best of intentions. He said multiple times he didn't care if I looked through his phone, and that he had nothing to hide. He even asked me one time to do it, and I refused. I honestly didn't think there would've been anything, or that it would've made him upset. But it did, and now I feel like a jerk, but honestly I did it with the intent of him having a nice birthday surprise.

Posted by P-Angel

The ability to ask several of his friends, who more friends are was present ... but, instead you use his birthday for an excuse to snoop into his privacy.

And then you threaten to bring legal charges against him.


and then to beat all .... you come in here to ask us what the fuck is up with him because he has backed away from you?


What a piece of shit.

Thank you for the insight...

Explain the ability to ask several of his friends part? I didn't use the birthday as an excuse. I had the opportunity to go through his phone several times prior to that. It wasn't uncommon for him to just hand me his phone, and once even went through his phone with me. Not because I asked, but he went "hey let me show you this!"

Again, I did it from a perspective of trying to be nice. No malice was intended at all. I've already explained that the charges part was because it's been a month and he refuses to let me get my things. How else am I supposed to get my belongings?

I know I may not have handled the situations the best I could've. I truly do appreciate the insight, but I also would appreciate some helpful insight instead of name calling.

Posted by feby16aqua
Hey aqualady, one thing I try to do myself, is to try and not act out of emotion. These actions are those that we can regret later...after the moment has passed...and can end up making us feel WORSE than we did before we reacted.
I have no doubt he will give you your things. Just be patient and lay low now...no more moves. It's his turn to make a move.
When and if he does contact you, just be honest with him about how you TRULY feel. Also, giving yourself some time to actually figure out how you do truly feel would not hurt.
That insecure and up in the air feeling of not having control is NOT your friend. It will cloud your judgment and set you up to fail.

Thank you. By your best judgement though, do you think I've already burned bridges to at least being friends?

Posted by feby16aqua
I understand that your intentions were not bad. I feel this way ALL the time!!!!
What did you see in his phone that upset you?

click to expand

I'm glad you understand, because quite frankly if I could go back, I wouldn't have volunteered to head throwing the party. I ended up dumping all the money into it, had to do all the decorating, and inviting. He said it was the most memorable birthday ever, but it's not worth what I had to do to get it.

Prior to him and I dating, he had been sexting with other girls. I was NEVER mad that he did that. Not once. I kind of expected that.

But, when him and I met, we live quite a ways away from each other, and he suggested we send pictures of ourselves every day. They were NEVER in a sexual nature, but I complied for two weeks. I discovered that not only did he not save not one picture of me, he had saved some funny pictures I sent (memes) and sent them to other girls. He had videos where I had taken of himself... ahem... and sent it to other girls, and had videos that girls had sent him pleasuring themselves.

Again this was all before we were dating. But it really hurt me that he had saved their videos and pictures, and none of mine.

Also while we were dating a girl asked him why he was single. He never gave into her, or agreed to see her, but he also never said he was in a relationship.

Those basically are what hurt me the most. I just felt very, undervalued? I tried to talk to him about it, but no matter what I did erupted into major argum

Posted by feby16aqua
But also be honest with yourself...you sent that message because you wanted to get him to answer you. You wanted to be acknowledged.
I know as an aqua myself, that feeling of being out of control is MADDENING. You, as well as I, have to learn to get over that and let it go. Things don't always go the way we want them to and we cannot control other people.

Does this make sense?

I will be honest, I did want a response. Every ounce of my being wants a response. But the desire to get my things back was greater at that point. At that point, I had constant thoughts of him having other girls in his home, using my things. I know he wouldn't do it, but the possibility that it could happen, literally killed me.

I agree about the out of control part. Do you have any suggestions to make this easier?

Posted by feby16aqua

Posted by aqualady2


So a week after our conversation, I sent him a message saying if I don't get my stuff soon, I will file a warrant for theft. Within 10 minutes, his mom texted me and said she will be mailing my stuff.

Why did you send him a message like that?
Now his family is involved? That means he is telling his Mom about you?? How embarrassing!!!! I'm not getting a good feeling about this. I would probably just lay low and let him contact me when he is ready and hide in shame lol.

click to expand

+1 million

Posted by P-Angel

The ability to ask several of his friends, who more friends are was present ... but, instead you use his birthday for an excuse to snoop into his privacy.

And then you threaten to bring legal charges against him.


and then to beat all .... you come in here to ask us what the fuck is up with him because he has backed away from you?


What a piece of shit.

dammit Angel, I hate how you wrote this but fuck I agree

Posted by aqualady2

Posted by feby16aqua
But also be honest with yourself...you sent that message because you wanted to get him to answer you. You wanted to be acknowledged.
I know as an aqua myself, that feeling of being out of control is MADDENING. You, as well as I, have to learn to get over that and let it go. Things don't always go the way we want them to and we cannot control other people.

Does this make sense?

I will be honest, I did want a response. Every ounce of my being wants a response. But the desire to get my things back was greater at that point. At that point, I had constant thoughts of him having other girls in his home, using my things. I know he wouldn't do it, but the possibility that it could happen, literally killed me.

I agree about the out of control part. Do you have any suggestions to make this easier?

click to expand

what kind of stuff did you want back?

howd you get from his phone contacts list to videos and pics? I thought those would be in other folders?

alas damage is done. Logically speaking, maybe he doesnt want to keep your videos or photos in his phone just in case it got stolen. He didnt want to put u out like that. But that stuff on his phone is simply porn.

Posted by DMV

Posted by aqualady2

Posted by feby16aqua
But also be honest with yourself...you sent that message because you wanted to get him to answer you. You wanted to be acknowledged.
I know as an aqua myself, that feeling of being out of control is MADDENING. You, as well as I, have to learn to get over that and let it go. Things don't always go the way we want them to and we cannot control other people.

Does this make sense?

I will be honest, I did want a response. Every ounce of my being wants a response. But the desire to get my things back was greater at that point. At that point, I had constant thoughts of him having other girls in his home, using my things. I know he wouldn't do it, but the possibility that it could happen, literally killed me.

I agree about the out of control part. Do you have any suggestions to make this easier?

what kind of stuff did you want back?

howd you get from his phone contacts list to videos and pics? I thought those would be in other folders?

alas damage is done. Logically speaking, maybe he doesnt want to keep your videos or photos in his phone just in case it got stolen. He didnt want to put u out like that. But that stuff on his phone is simply porn.

click to expand

It's a lot of stuff... Too much to list. Basically if you walked into his house, it looked like I lived there. I once asked him if this bothered him, because to be honest it bothered me, but he said no, that it made him feel closer to me. Where I live now, I don't have enough room to house my things, and he even offered to store some of my items in his house. I told him no, but I still have a lot of things.

Basically when I got his phone, I immediately looked at the call log, and it was filled with his family and me. I had forgotten he hates talking on the phone, so then I looked at the texts, and thats where I saw everything. After looking at the texts, I felt so awful, I just stopped.

As for the pictures, he had gone through his pictures with me prior, because one day he was showing me pictures of a vacation and his dirt bike. Because of the way the pictures/videos were taken by these girls it did not look like they were sexual when you look at the tiny thumbnail on the photos. Well when I

Well when I saw them in the texts, I realized what those tiny thumbnails were. So prior to this, I KNEW he hadn't saved my pictures, I just didn't know he saved theirs.

Posted by feby16aqua
Hey again, well you know him better than I do and I do not have any experience with scorpio men so I'm not sure. BUT the fact that he added you back on fb and hasnt' given you back your stuff would say to me that he's not done with it...maybe just waiting for you to calm down.

Don't regret throwing the party!! It was very kind of you and generous...those kind of things build character and show who you really are. Never regret the kindness and good things we do to others, whether they reciprocate or even return the favor should not be in question. Those things we sort of even do for ourselves, kwim?

And what he has done before the two of you were together is not fair play. I'm throwing flags all over the field on this one. First you are assuming about your pics...who's to say that he didn't download them to a safer place like his computer? Maybe he saved them somewhere else?

Right now it seems like there is WAYYY too much value and emphasis put on "what is he doing" "what is he thinking" "who is he talking to"...so even if he was talking to other people and using your things....what could you do about it? It's that control thing again. I know it so well.

I would suggest just laying low and letting him wonder about you. It's so hard to take your emotions out of it...you don't have to, just don't act on them and keep telling yourself that you are great just as you are, with or without him. If you value yourself other people will as well. 🙂

Thank you for the advice. 🙂 I really appreciate it!

I do regret it. Honestly, if it would've never happened, who knows where our relationship would be at now. I wouldn't have had those thoughts, or had the need to discuss them, I wouldn't have wondered if I was desired, and we wouldn't have fought. Hindsight is 20/20 I suppose.

I agree it's not fair play, which is why I wasn't angry about the nature of the texts. I was more upset with him saving their photos, and not mine. And when we actually discussed, he admitted he hadn't saved any of my pictures. So I know they aren't saved anywhere. Granted- he said he did it because his mom will go through his phone, but that still doesn't explain why he saved those others girls. When I asked that, he said he had no idea how to save photos besides taking a screenshot. Which I also don't believe because he saved my funny pictures and sent them to other girls,

and saved pictures/videos of other girls. I'm being overly critical, I know.

I appreciate your advice though! I guess I need to find a way to calm my thoughts.

Lessons? Oh boy have I learned a ton of them. 😛 I hope to use them to make myself a better person at the end of this all. But time will tell.

Patience, my enemy. I know I have a very poor sense of patience. That is something I need to work on.

Good advice Feby.

@op, you answered your own question about why he wouldn't give u back your stuff in a timely manner. The reason is the same one he gave you as if he felt uncomfortable with your stuff being there. It makes me feel closer 2 u and for some odd reason you wanted to take it all away.

dont like your insecurities get the better of you, it will kill off a good relationship.

as to why he didnt keep any of your pics, maybe he prefers to watch porn of other women. I mean he has you 24/7. Maybe he wants to look at some other boobs. Porn doesnt mean he doesnt find u sexy.

Next time you feel a bit jealous, go and make your own over the top sexy ciara body party video and send it to him.

Posted by aqualady2

After we resolved that issue, he started making deep connections with me. He said that he loved me, and was even talking about making changes to his house to accommodate me better. He was planning all our holidays, and even a vacation for the summer.

Let me get this straight ... after you found out how sleazy he is with texting other women .... you are eager to make amends with him, and proceed to talk about a future?

ahahahaha .... where do these people crawl out from?


AND ... did I also read in here where nobody would help you? Not friends, not family, nobody?
AND ... did you also state at the very beginning of this thread that you realized a communication issue would be present BEFORE engaging in this relationship?


At what point in your life do you realize it's you who's fucked up ... because if you can't get any of his people to want you .... AND, he is sexting ... and you are clueless so come to a forum to ask what's going on ....


.... like, you really have to be told? .. or are you just bored, and so simply acting stupid?

Ok so, he deleted your pics cause he doesnt want his mom seeing his maybe future wifes full frontal lol

Posted by DMV
Next time you feel a bit jealous, go and make your own over the top sexy ciara body party video and send it to him.

Ha! Thank you DMV. 🙂

You're right, I shouldn't let me insecurities get the better of me. Alas, that hindsight.

Posted by DMV
@op, you answered your own question about why he wouldn't give u back your stuff in a timely manner. The reason is the same one he gave you as if he felt uncomfortable with your stuff being there. It makes me feel closer 2 u and for some odd reason you wanted to take it all away.

click to expand

Well to be fair, I was in the mind set of "we are broken up, you won't talk to me, if we are done I want my things." Honestly it didn't occur to me, until you pointed it out, that he could be intentionally holding them to be closer.

Ive been guilty of acting on emotion and impulse. Give him time and he will be back. Especially if nothing drastic happened.

.... like, you really have to be told? .. or are you just bored, and so simply acting stupid?

You must be a bitter person? I've asked you once for no name calling. I am trying to get productive critiques, and if you're not going to be productive, then take your bitterness elsewhere.

If you aren't reading the whole story, then don't respond. The family/friends were going to help, but life got in the way. You don't know the whole story. And actually they did help a lot when it came to shuffling him around to keep it secret. Because they couldn't help by inviting people, doesn't mean anything.

As for being sleazy, he is a very upstanding gentlemen. He always opened doors, paid for everything, yes ma'am, no ma'am. We didn't even kiss until we had been dating for a month, I had actually met his family before we kissed. Just because someone has done some 'sleazy' things, does not make them a 'sleazy' person. I'm sure you're own record is not spotless no?

Again, communication issue because of the signs. If you don't know that, then I suggest you go look up compatibility. We had discussed this, and attempted to make it easier on ourselves because we were aware.

Again, I'm sure you are no patron saint in life. I would appreciate if you would not judge his character based upon fragments of a story I am telling, and I would also appreciate that if you aren't going to be constructive, then to find another board to post in.

Posted by DMV
Ok so, he deleted your pics cause he doesnt want his mom seeing his maybe future wifes full frontal lol

LOL! This could be true.

Posted by DMV
Ive been guilty of acting on emotion and impulse. Give him time and he will be back. Especially if nothing drastic happened.

click to expand

Thank you DMV. You've been very helpful. I guess I will have to learn this patience feby has spoken of! 🙂

Bwahaha

wow



So, let me get this straight ... you come in here and tell us that this man has sleazy videos and pics of other women, and you are defending his honor?



lol .... the idiots that come to the Scorpio board, I'm telling you. I should come here more often, you guys get all the dipshits, it appears.

Posted by feby16aqua
I'm not sure I would think of throwing my bf a surprise party if I had no idea who to invite?? Especially if it meant going through his phone so heavily to find the numbers of people I didn't even know?? That just sounds a bit weird to me....

This.

The story and their level of connection already sounds off to me. If you don't know who the man even talks to that you "had to" go through his phone, you clearly weren't holding the spot you thought you did regardless of the introduction to the family. You say he didn't mind you going through their phone. Sorry, but looking through someone's contact list is not the same as going through his phone. What exactly did you find that made you so upset, if it was to simply look for contact to invite to the party? Meh. Sounds like BS to me.

Anyway, to address the OP, I'm not sure how many times you attempted to ask for your things while you were "friends" on FB (you didn't actually state it), but a simple "I'd like to get my things back, so I can move on" would have been far better then threatening the man. However, it seems to me you didn't want to say that--why? I am guessing based on what you wrote that it was because you were hoping things weren't completely over and because he kept things in limbo you tried to force his hand. Good job. Never works on a Scorp. I would be very surprised if he wanted to get back with you. You'd be dead to me--but I have a very low tolerance for threats and people invading my privacy—??especially since the reason sounds like BS to me. I'm also surprised a Scorp suggested that this was a "test"....in what world would someone test you like that? Did you tell this person the whole story?

I particularly like the title of this thread, it says .....


At my wits end!


And then you find out that the OP tries desperately to KEEP a douchebag, and actually has no clue that he's not a keeper.


You just can't pay for this kind of entertainment.

Anyway, to address the OP, I'm not sure how many times you attempted to ask for your things while you were "friends" on FB (you didn't actually state it)

Fair questions- I had met several of his friends at that point, but did not have their contacts. Aside from the ones that had friended me on facebook, I wasn't sure who else to invite. I actually said in an earlier post that a member of his family/a friend was supposed to help but life got in the way.

I guess my wording is off. I looked at the call log and the texts. I know I have contacts saved that I wouldn't want invited to a party, and I had assumed the same of him. So I opted to see who he talked to the most. That was my, obviously flawed, logic.

Actually I had attempted several times. The first days, I asked if we could talk about it, and then after a few days passed, I asked for my things. I probably requested them 4-5 times, before he finally started talking to me. Then when I asked if we could discuss me getting my stuff, his response was to tell me that he wasn't going to put a time frame on it, he would let me know, and asked if that was the only reason I contacted him. After that discussion, I asked 2 more times, before the threat.


In hindsight, the threat probably wasn't the best, but I have tried what you suggested. I've told him several times once I get my stuff, I would be gone and this would be resolved. With no response. It wasn't until DMV pointed it out, I didn't realize he may have had reasons to hold it.

Actually yes I have told them the whole story. Which is why I'm trying to get advice from people who are unbiased i.e. not friends of mine. I thought it was weird they would suggest that to, and I really don't want to hold out for something that has no hope, and wanted to be sure I was hanging on because of some misinformation.

I tried to keep the original post short, but I guess I have left out several details in my attempts. 🙂

Posted by feby16aqua
I understand that your intentions were not bad. I feel this way ALL the time!!!!
What did you see in his phone that upset you?

Posted by aqualady2


Prior to him and I dating, he had been sexting with other girls. I was NEVER mad that he did that. Not once. I kind of expected that.

But, when him and I met, we live quite a ways away from each other, and he suggested we send pictures of ourselves every day. They were NEVER in a sexual nature, but I complied for two weeks. I discovered that not only did he not save not one picture of me, he had saved some funny pictures I sent (memes) and sent them to other girls. He had videos where I had taken of himself... ahem... and sent it to other girls, and had videos that girls had sent him pleasuring themselves.

Again this was all before we were dating. But it really hurt me that he had saved their videos and pictures, and none of mine.

Also while we were dating a girl asked him why he was single. He never gave into her, or agreed to see her, but he also never said he was in a relationship.

Those basically are what hurt me the most. I just felt very, undervalued? I tried to talk to him about it, but no matter what I did erupted into major argument

click to expand

Like I said, claiming a spot you never really held.....Scorp don't typically hold on to things (people, pictures, sentimental items) when we move on, unless we're not really invested.

So do you still want to claim you were only going through his phone to look for people to invite? Un huh......going through his phone together is not the same thing as giving you free access to his phone.

Posted by DMV

Posted by aqualady2

Posted by feby16aqua
But also be honest with yourself...you sent that message because you wanted to get him to answer you. You wanted to be acknowledged.
I know as an aqua myself, that feeling of being out of control is MADDENING. You, as well as I, have to learn to get over that and let it go. Things don't always go the way we want them to and we cannot control other people.

Does this make sense?

I will be honest, I did want a response. Every ounce of my being wants a response. But the desire to get my things back was greater at that point. At that point, I had constant thoughts of him having other girls in his home, using my things. I know he wouldn't do it, but the possibility that it could happen, literally killed me.

I agree about the out of control part. Do you have any suggestions to make this easier?

howd you get from his phone contacts list to videos and pics? I thought those would be in other folders?

click to expand

This. I'm thinking trust was an issue here, which led to the snooping.

The story and their level of connection already sounds off to me. If you don't know who the man even talks to that you "had to" go through his phone, you clearly weren't holding the spot you thought you did regardless of the introduction to the family. You say he didn't mind you going through their phone. Sorry, but looking through someone's contact list is not the same as going through his phone. What exactly did you find that made you so upset, if it was to simply look for contact to invite to the party? Meh. Sounds like BS to me.

Also to add... I've already discussed what I found, and how I found them, and why they were upsetting. I recognize why what I did was wrong, and regret it whole heartily. I honestly had no clue.

Honestly it wasn't a thing for him to let me have his phone. It actually made me really uncomfortable at time. But he would download games for me to play (because he was being considerate, not because I asked. I actually never played any of them) would show my pictures of his trips and races, and would constantly show me his facebook. I don't know if he did those things to be transparent? I had never asked. So when I went into his phone, I honestly did not expect to find anything. It was purely to see who he talks to the most, to get their contact information, and invite them to a party.

And honestly, he had told me a lot about his past. He has friends that he talks to, but doesn't hang out with them. He felt they had a negative impact on his life, so he has done away with them. I was genuinely trying to only invite people he would want, so that was another reason that I didn't want to go digging through the contact list.

Like I said, claiming a spot you never really held.....Scorp don't typically hold on to things (people, pictures, sentimental items) when we move on, unless we're not really invested.

So do you still want to claim you were only going through his phone to look for people to invite? Un huh......going through his phone together is not the same thing as giving you free access to his phone.

Thank you for the insight. 🙂

I guess I'm leaving out a lot of details? When we started dating, he asked if we needed to be tagged in a relationship on facebook. I told him no, that if he was going to do something, a tag on facebook wasn't going to stop him. I told him it wasn't a deal to me, just that if someone was to hit on him, that he would defend our relationship. We had a long discussion about that, and we agreed.

A couple weeks later, this girl had messaged him and was hitting on him. He never said he was in a relationship.

A week later, he tags us in a relationship on facebook.

When I saw the message from the girl, and asked him about it, he told me he never gave into her because he was with me, and that's why he tagged us on facebook to get her to leave him alone.

I honestly had never placed the two together because when he tagged us, I thought it was because that's what he wanted. I had no clue about this girl, but after he told me, I understood.

Please keep in mind, this discussion is in the middle of everything.

Posted by aqualady2

Anyway, to address the OP, I'm not sure how many times you attempted to ask for your things while you were "friends" on FB (you didn't actually state it)

Fair questions- I had met several of his friends at that point, but did not have their contacts. Aside from the ones that had friended me on facebook, I wasn't sure who else to invite. I actually said in an earlier post that a member of his family/a friend was supposed to help but life got in the way.

I guess my wording is off. I looked at the call log and the texts. I know I have contacts saved that I wouldn't want invited to a party, and I had assumed the same of him. So I opted to see who he talked to the most. That was my, obviously flawed, logic.

Actually I had attempted several times. The first days, I asked if we could talk about it, and then after a few days passed, I asked for my things. I probably requested them 4-5 times, before he finally started talking to me. Then when I asked if we could discuss me getting my stuff, his response was to tell me that he wasn't going to put a time frame on it, he would let me know, and asked if that was the only reason I contacted him. After that discussion, I asked 2 more times, before the threat.

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Alright, I understand a bit better now....in future, don't go through a Scorp's things unless he's yours completely (meaning you know so much about him that you probably already know what's hidden away). When and if that happens varies from Scorp to Scorp. It sounds like he was being immature and shutting down because he was hurt by what he perceived was you pushing him away (e.g. "asked if that was the only reason I contacted him.). We can be idiots that way sometimes. We shut down and then when the person finally pulls away we think "so you don't really care". Anyway, I still don't know about him contacting you again. The fact that he had his mom text you says he was either really upset by your text or really hurt. Are you still "friends" on FB?

Alright, I understand a bit better now....in future, don't go through a Scorp's things unless he's yours completely (meaning you know so much about him that you probably already know what's hidden away). When and if that happens varies from Scorp to Scorp. It sounds like he was being immature and shutting down because he was hurt by what he perceived was you pushing him away (e.g. "asked if that was the only reason I contacted him.). We can be idiots that way sometimes. We shut down and then when the person finally pulls away we think "so you don't really care". Anyway, I still don't know about him contacting you again. The fact that he had his mom text you says he was either really upset by your text or really hurt. Are you still "friends" on FB?

Yes that ones lesson I have learned! 🙂

Actually, yes we are... I don't know if it's possible to be friends and have someone blocked though? I have sent him a couple more messages after the threat, stating that I hope one day we can be friends, and I hoped his new tattoo went well. (he was supposed to get a new tattoo this month, and I was supposed to go with him.) He has read them, but no response. I don't know if he's just deleting them and it shows them read? He could very well remove me, but hasn't. Actually his whole family is still my friend on facebook, which I thought for sure they would've removed me.

It sounds like he was being immature and shutting down because he was hurt by what he perceived was you pushing him away (e.g. "asked if that was the only reason I contacted him.).

You know... come to think of it... I wonder if I did do that unintentionally?

When we had our fight that night, and I texted him the next day, after no response, I had removed everything off of facebook, asked if we could talk, and asked if I could get my things. His only response was to say:

"Why have you taken everything off of facebook already?"

I wonder if I unintentionally made him feel like I was pushing him away? I really thought we were done, and in my crazy emotional state, wanted to erase everything so I didn't have to see it. Bad move I suppose?

Posted by aqualady2

It sounds like he was being immature and shutting down because he was hurt by what he perceived was you pushing him away (e.g. "asked if that was the only reason I contacted him.).

You know... come to think of it... I wonder if I did do that unintentionally?

When we had our fight that night, and I texted him the next day, after no response, I had removed everything off of facebook, asked if we could talk, and asked if I could get my things. His only response was to say:

"Why have you taken everything off of facebook already?"

I wonder if I unintentionally made him feel like I was pushing him away? I really thought we were done, and in my crazy emotional state, wanted to erase everything so I didn't have to see it. Bad move I suppose?

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With a sensitive water sign, yes. Two fixed signs are difficult in a relationship. You sort of read more like a Scorp than an Aqua based on your actions so far lol.

Posted by aqualady2
I guess I'm leaving out a lot of details? When we started dating, he asked if we needed to be tagged in a relationship on facebook. I told him no, that if he was going to do something, a tag on facebook wasn't going to stop him. I told him it wasn't a deal to me, just that if someone was to hit on him, that he would defend our relationship. We had a long discussion about that, and we agreed.

Hmmmmm, okay I already see an issue with this--and this is just if you do go forward with him. On one hand you're telling him, I don't care if he declares to the world that you're together, but then you're upset that he's holding onto the past. A little confusing, which may speak to his lack of full commitment to you as well. They call it mirroring around these parts.

Posted by aqualady2
A couple weeks later, this girl had messaged him and was hitting on him. He never said he was in a relationship.

A week later, he tags us in a relationship on facebook.

When I saw the message from the girl, and asked him about it, he told me he never gave into her because he was with me, and that's why he tagged us on facebook to get her to leave him alone.

I honestly had never placed the two together because when he tagged us, I thought it was because that's what he wanted. I had no clue about this girl, but after he told me, I understood.

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Well, this is the logic of a Scorp for sure. We are doers, not talkers. It sort of goes to your point above: "if he was going to do something, a tag on facebook wasn't going to stop him." You're right. Anybody can say they are going to do something. If we are about something, we just do, which he did. Anyway, here he was showing you that he was into you. The photo thing....still tells me something as well, but I don't question he was at least into you.

One things I will add (for future reference), it's hard to fully speak on your Scorp's level of commitment, but some things seem off to me. What I will point out is the fact that you can't use the "typical" signs that you will use with some other signs to determine our level of commitment. A lot of things just don't hold the same meaning for us. For example, meeting family (other than children) doesn't always mean that much to us (depending on the Scorp) where it would mean "you're in"...

...to another sign, because with us, even if the whole world doesn't like you, if you're the one--f*ck what everyone else thinks.

Anyway, sort out some of the issues that happened in this relationship, even if you don't get back together because they will probably pop up again. "Issues" tend to do that.

Posted by P-Angel

wow



So, let me get this straight ... you come in here and tell us that this man has sleazy videos and pics of other women, and you are defending his honor?



lol .... the idiots that come to the Scorpio board, I'm telling you. I should come here more often, you guys get all the dipshits, it appears.

We, the Virgo Board take offense to that

Do you have scorpio in your chart OP?

Posted by aqualady2

I told him no, that if he was going to do something, a tag on facebook wasn't going to stop him.

Planting mistrust into the psyche

Posted by aqualady2

I told him it wasn't a deal to me, just that if someone was to hit on him, that he would defend our relationship.

A couple weeks later, this girl had messaged him and was hitting on him. He never said he was in a relationship.

Here, we find that you don't even honor yourself.

You tell him you won't tolerate something ... then you tolerate it.

Posted by aqualady2

I have sent him a couple more messages after the threat, stating that I hope one day we can be friends, and I hoped his new tattoo went well. (he was supposed to get a new tattoo this month, and I was supposed to go with him.) He has read them, but no response. I don't know if he's just deleting them and it shows them read? He could very well remove me, but hasn't. Actually his whole family is still my friend on facebook, which I thought for sure they would've removed me.

Not only do you NOT honor him, yourself, or the relationship ... you sit with baited breath, waiting to jump at any trace of bones being thrown your way.

Posted by DMV
Do you have scorpio in your chart OP?

Barely any. I have Pluto in Scorpio, but that's it. I have mostly Capricorn, Taurus, and Aquarius, with a few Pisces and a Libra tossed in for fun. I know... I have such a good mix lol

Is there ever anything good in anyones phone? I mean shit lol

You have to draw the line somewhere and than you can't waste you're life policing other people. You will burn out in a second.

Posted by Sag89
You have to draw the line somewhere and than you can't waste you're life policing other people. You will burn out in a second.

Lol! No there is never anything good in cellphones!

I really wasn't trying to police him, but I appreciate the insight. I wonder if I unintentionally made him feel that way?

Posted by aqualady2

Posted by Sag89
You have to draw the line somewhere and than you can't waste you're life policing other people. You will burn out in a second.

Lol! No there is never anything good in cellphones!

I really wasn't trying to police him, but I appreciate the insight. I wonder if I unintentionally made him feel that way?

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No I just mean I totally know what you're going through. It's like you sit n think where are the boundaries n whats appropriate or am I over reacting?

Relationships are hard man. Learning how to do all that takes time.