Going through some pretty tough times. Help?

i've always been a quiet, sensitive person (probably from being a scorpio) but over the years as more negative things have happened, my trust and hope in others and my esteem have diminished greatly. i feel really alone everyday despite having people around me, bcos these "friends" are superficial. i know they don't really care. it also doesn't help that i'm gay and it's much harder to find someone to get me through the days ever since my ex 3 years ago. i've retreated within myself so much that i've developed an internet addiction that serves as a crutch so i don't have to go out and face the emptiness of my life. besides that i drink alone at home to calm my nerves but always end up an emotional, suicidal wreck. what can i do? i don't know how long i can actually last feeling this way. it's been a long time.

definitely for real. i'm a newcomer here actually so i'm not really sure how this works.

thank you lenore. i'll go check up on the book and videos you've recommended and hopefully they'll work for me as they did you.

idk if this is too much info but this is basically what my chart is:

Sun Scorpio Ascendant Cancer
Moon Libra II Leo
Mercury Sagittarius III Libra
Venus Virgo IV Scorpio
Mars Scorpio V Sagittarius
Jupiter Virgo VI Capricorn
Saturn Aquarius VII Capricorn
Uranus Capricorn VIII Aquarius
Neptune Capricorn IX Aries
Pluto Scorpio Midheaven Taurus
Lilith Capricorn XI Gemini
Asc node Capricorn XII Cancer

deep ruts are exteremely hard to climb yourself out of. you can end up digging yourself deeper rather than lifting yourself up.

be selfish... do the things that make you happy and feel alive. this should not be your current crutch. if you dont know what will make you happy right now.... it's time to discover something new and reinvent yourself. take up hiking, biking... i highly recommend a more physical activity... something that you can build solo first. it will more instantly make you feel great (an awesome outlet for calming nerves!) and give you the desire to connect with new people... and consequently, people who care about themselves know how to care about others.

art is also a great outlet... art communities are pretty social and without normal boundaries.

do not concern yourself with what others are thinking, expecting, or impressing upon you. these can be very deep subconscious thoughts that have never served anybody well. lay them to rest.

in my opinion... you are at a prime moment in life when you can make anything happen. you could choose to see your life as empty, but try seeing it as there for the remaking... see where you are as pivotal.

just remember that change isnt easy... esp life style change. life style consist of habits and forming new habits will take a lot of will, desire, focus, etc... fortunately you are scorpio. i see more scorpios able to do these kinds of things with their life than other signs.

*hugs*

Posted by ellessque
lilith in capricorn 🙂

welcome to the boards.

haha is that a good thing? thank you, pleased to be here 🙂

thanks creepypants. i guess i know i need to cultivate new habits but it's so easy to fall back into old destructive patterns. i'll try my best to stay motivated though.

Hi Snazzeh! 🙂


My first concern would be what (if any) changes occurred at the time these behaviors started. I'm thinking medically or physically. of course, I don't expect you to tell me, but if this is the case, you should see your primary care physician and describe to him/her what you've stated here. That is, if you haven't already.

The next thing I would ask is what prompted you to come here (it's cool that you're reaching out to others, even if via internet)? What do you hope for?

What are you interests? What do you- or what kinds of hobbies did you have before becoming reclusive? Joining a club/faith community/group with people who share you interests might be something to consider (although the idea may not seem appealing atm).

Lastly, here's a big *HUG* for you. I also share music too.

Posted by ScorpSuperior
Hi Snazzeh! 🙂


My first concern would be what (if any) changes occurred at the time these behaviors started. I'm thinking medically or physically. of course, I don't expect you to tell me, but if this is the case, you should see your primary care physician and describe to him/her what you've stated here. That is, if you haven't already.

The next thing I would ask is what prompted you to come here (it's cool that you're reaching out to others, even if via internet)? What do you hope for?

What are you interests? What do you- or what kinds of hobbies did you have before becoming reclusive? Joining a club/faith community/group with people who share you interests might be something to consider (although the idea may not seem appealing atm).

Lastly, here's a big *HUG* for you. I also share music too.

i pretty much felt depressed ever since secondary school but i only got it clinically diagnosed somewhere last year when i decided to approach my gp about it. i'm 21 now. i was then sent for therapy which i'm still undergoing. i don't find it much help at the moment but i'm trying to keep an open mind.

also, i came here because i guess i just needed support from people, even if they are strangers. sometimes strangers do have the best unadulterated advice. my "friends" don't ever reach out to me and when i do they would rather talk about themselves. i'm hoping for some useful advice and maybe even a support system if possible.

hobbies wise, right now i'm really into music. i lean towards only listening to music right now but i'd really like to take up the guitar again. i was thinking joining guitar classes and eventually songwriting? it could be a great outlet to vent my emotions i think.

Snazzeh

I'm glad to read that you're undergoing therapy. As you may know, it takes time to see results, so it's good you're sticking with it!

I think I know what you mean with regard to strangers giving good advice. It's funny how sometimes people who don't even know you can be more supportive than those closest to you.

Guitar lessons sound awesome! I want to learn myself. Would they be individual lessons or in a group setting? You might find that the more people you surround yourself with (especially those with whom you share common interests), the better! The key thing is that you don't isolate yourself.

Posted by ScorpSuperior
Snazzeh

I'm glad to read that you're undergoing therapy. As you may know, it takes time to see results, so it's good you're sticking with it!

I think I know what you mean with regard to strangers giving good advice. It's funny how sometimes people who don't even know you can be more supportive than those closest to you.

Guitar lessons sound awesome! I want to learn myself. Would they be individual lessons or in a group setting? You might find that the more people you surround yourself with (especially those with whom you share common interests), the better! The key thing is that you don't isolate yourself.

definitely a group setting. i can get to know people that way. i guess majority of the way i'm feeling is due to isolation and lack of human contact. you know what they say about an idle mind. i hope things will turn around soon!

Posted by domz
Can I ask what your treatment measure was?

I'll give a better response later when I have time. But keep in there and don't give up.

well i was first referred to a psychiatrist who then figured my problem isn't a chemical imbalance or what not and later referred me to my current psychologist. right now what she does is mainly ask a lot of questions about my childhood and tries to form a link between my current patterns and anything that happened to me in the past. she says that my fixation on my ex stems from me not getting the emotional attnetion i needed from a parent when i was younger. now it has formed into a kind of crutch for my low self esteem. i need to feel wanted to feel like i'm worth anything. i'm not going through any cognitive behavioral therapy yet but i think that's to come in the future.

Posted by Snazzeh

Posted by ScorpSuperior
Snazzeh

I'm glad to read that you're undergoing therapy. As you may know, it takes time to see results, so it's good you're sticking with it!

I think I know what you mean with regard to strangers giving good advice. It's funny how sometimes people who don't even know you can be more supportive than those closest to you.

Guitar lessons sound awesome! I want to learn myself. Would they be individual lessons or in a group setting? You might find that the more people you surround yourself with (especially those with whom you share common interests), the better! The key thing is that you don't isolate yourself.

definitely a group setting. i can get to know people that way. i guess majority of the way i'm feeling is due to isolation and lack of human contact. you know what they say about an idle mind. i hope things will turn around soon!

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Yes, and thats good you are aware of that and its not just you sitting with an idle mind! I remember coming home one day and thinking about depression, and how sooo many people these days are depressed, then i thought about how we're so isolated and the lack of meaningful contact we have with others. I ride public transit and all these people will be on the train sitting in silence. Its sad really, but people dont seem to really interact with eachother much, even in public, and then you go home and isolate yourself even more in complete silence sometimes, or get on the internet. I dont think we are built for this, and i hate the whole "small talk" thing, im talking about real stimulating communication.

Maybe try to make it a goal of getting out more, and having atleast a few good conversations with random people a week. That will hopefully take your mind off of you and put it on other things/people, and you'll probably learn much more about yourself that way too. I think im going to try to do this myself.

Posted by xygeneration
How old are you?

i'm 21. still got a lot to learn.

Posted by domz

Posted by domz

In some means, and not to sound rude, but sometimes you just need to suck it up and pull up your socks. Life isn't handed to you.

This seems to be exactly where your issue is. I'm being bit of a hard ass, but it seems obvious.

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no, you're prob right. i have been pretty much sheltered my whole life and maybe this is harder for me because i'm so sensitive. i just have to not let my thoughts cloud over my rationality.