DeathbyScorpio
@DeathbyScorpio
10 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 137 · Topics: 3
How long can a scorpio stay away or ice you out?
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Posted by IllaLupus
Extreme scorpio? No unevolved Scorpio.. He needs to grow up.
Very much agreed. I wish there were a switch to not be in love with someone anymore. Of course, he was the most wonderful man to me before I found out he can be very emotionally immature when hurt.
And, no, I never intentionally hurt him--just normal relationship stuff. Nothing major. Yes, he hurt me, too--normal relationship stuff. I never react the way he does, though.
Posted by GetMisted
May I ask what these "small things" were?
Sometimes.. Things that seem small in your eyes, are everything to us. Especially when those things directly go against our principles in life.
I realize the issue for him is a big deal. I didn't like a friendship he had with another girl (who is also a scorpio). They both like attention. She REALLY likes attention, and I just got tired of the double-standards. He was jealous of and questioned every male friend I had (and friends I rarely ever even saw in person). He would have had such a huge problem with things if the roles were reversed. Now, I don't even care. It's not worth this crap. I'm sure he doesn't know that, though, and probably still thinks it will be an issue. Our last argument started when he started questioning a male co-worker texting me about work. I brought up their friendship and all hell broke loose. He eventually said he reacted poorly and I was nice and calm about the way I brought it up. However, the next day, he was distant and cold. I pushed him to talk (big mistake) and I think it just made him angrier.
I agree with he being unevolved!N a Scorpio can ice you out forever...even if he truly loves you,misses you n blah blah!They're someone who dare you to pack the bags n leave in the middle of a tiff even though you run in their veins n are the love of their lives(they don't mean it...test it is)!N you staying away will only make things worser(double standards, i know..but that's how it is)..Just don't be clingy though! A 'hi' would do..he may still seem cold at first!Try to keep conversation as casual as possible!
To clarify on my above post--he sees and interacts with this girl 5-6 times a week. We are all co-workers, and sometimes they see each other at outings on the weekends. What I meant by now i don't even care is that I've realized I just have to let it go and realize it means nothing.
Posted by Teena
I agree with he being unevolved!N a Scorpio can ice you out forever...even if he truly loves you,misses you n blah blah!They're someone who dare you to pack the bags n leave in the middle of a tiff even though you run in their veins n are the love of their lives(they don't mean it...test it is)!N you staying away will only make things worser(double standards, i know..but that's how it is)..Just don't be clingy though! A 'hi' would do..he may still seem cold at first!Try to keep conversation as casual as possible!
Thanks so much for your input. Of course, it's very hard to see things the way someone else may be seeing or feeling things when they act like an ass and say nothing. It is pretty terrifying to even look at him. Whenever we look up at each other by mistake/unknowingly, we both immediately look away. Like I said, we work together, and he usually won't even walk by my desk. He said in the past he stays away because he has feelings. Yet, he says and does nothing to help the situation.
I think if I said hi, he would just ignore it and keep walking. Inside, he would probably be thinking WTF, and he would wonder why I said hi.
I was thinking of waiting until no one else is in the office and either walk up to his desk and ask if we could talk or just walk up and hug him from behind. I don't know if I'd have the courage to actually hug him, but it's as non-threatening as you can get. lol He has a huge wall up. Are either of those bad ideas? If I text him, he won't respond. If I say hi, I don't think it will accomplish anything.
Posted by DeathbyScorpioPosted by GetMisted
May I ask what these "small things" were?
Sometimes.. Things that seem small in your eyes, are everything to us. Especially when those things directly go against our principles in life.
I realize the issue for him is a big deal. I didn't like a friendship he had with another girl (who is also a scorpio). They both like attention. She REALLY likes attention, and I just got tired of the double-standards. He was jealous of and questioned every male friend I had (and friends I rarely ever even saw in person). He would have had such a huge problem with things if the roles were reversed. Now, I don't even care. It's not worth this crap. I'm sure he doesn't know that, though, and probably still thinks it will be an issue. Our last argument started when he started questioning a male co-worker texting me about work. I brought up their friendship and all hell broke loose. He eventually said he reacted poorly and I was nice and calm about the way I brought it up. However, the next day, he was distant and cold. I pushed him to talk (big mistake) and I think it just made him angrier.click to expand
Lol! I'm sorry,but this is really very common among Scorpios,if you didn't know that already! It's like they know they'll be loyal n one should never question their loyalty... Ever(not that they won't give any reasons for you not to doubt their loyalty though)!
N about he being distant n cold the next day is either because he didn't like agreeing he was wrong(because they always like to believe they can't be wrong) or maybe he was guilty! How did you react when he apologized Or sounded apologetical?
Posted by DeathbyScorpioPosted by Teena
I agree with he being unevolved!N a Scorpio can ice you out forever...even if he truly loves you,misses you n blah blah!They're someone who dare you to pack the bags n leave in the middle of a tiff even though you run in their veins n are the love of their lives(they don't mean it...test it is)!N you staying away will only make things worser(double standards, i know..but that's how it is)..Just don't be clingy though! A 'hi' would do..he may still seem cold at first!Try to keep conversation as casual as possible!
Thanks so much for your input. Of course, it's very hard to see things the way someone else may be seeing or feeling things when they act like an ass and say nothing. It is pretty terrifying to even look at him. Whenever we look up at each other by mistake/unknowingly, we both immediately look away. Like I said, we work together, and he usually won't even walk by my desk. He said in the past he stays away because he has feelings. Yet, he says and does nothing to help the situation.
I think if I said hi, he would just ignore it and keep walking. Inside, he would probably be thinking WTF, and he would wonder why I said hi.
I was thinking of waiting until no one else is in the office and either walk up to his desk and ask if we could talk or just walk up and hug him from behind. I don't know if I'd have the courage to actually hug him, but it's as non-threatening as you can get. lol He has a huge wall up. Are either of those bad ideas? If I text him, he won't respond. If I say hi, I don't think it will accomplish anything.click to expand
Okay!Waiting for a proper timing to initiate a talk is a good idea! Hugging.. I'm not sure! You won't be able to take it if he responds in a way you don't expect!I mean..just to show you he's good,he may overreact!
Posted by DeathbyScorpioPosted by GetMisted
May I ask what these "small things" were?
Sometimes.. Things that seem small in your eyes, are everything to us. Especially when those things directly go against our principles in life.
I realize the issue for him is a big deal. I didn't like a friendship he had with another girl (who is also a scorpio). They both like attention. She REALLY likes attention, and I just got tired of the double-standards. He was jealous of and questioned every male friend I had (and friends I rarely ever even saw in person). He would have had such a huge problem with things if the roles were reversed. Now, I don't even care. It's not worth this crap. I'm sure he doesn't know that, though, and probably still thinks it will be an issue. Our last argument started when he started questioning a male co-worker texting me about work. I brought up their friendship and all hell broke loose. He eventually said he reacted poorly and I was nice and calm about the way I brought it up. However, the next day, he was distant and cold. I pushed him to talk (big mistake) and I think it just made him angrier.click to expand
I'm gonna sit back and let this unfold, but I just want to point out "small things" suggest that there is more than one thing that has been bothering him. I believe that is what the whale was getting at.
Carry on.
Posted by TeenaPosted by DeathbyScorpioPosted by GetMisted
May I ask what these "small things" were?
Sometimes.. Things that seem small in your eyes, are everything to us. Especially when those things directly go against our principles in life.
I realize the issue for him is a big deal. I didn't like a friendship he had with another girl (who is also a scorpio). They both like attention. She REALLY likes attention, and I just got tired of the double-standards. He was jealous of and questioned every male friend I had (and friends I rarely ever even saw in person). He would have had such a huge problem with things if the roles were reversed. Now, I don't even care. It's not worth this crap. I'm sure he doesn't know that, though, and probably still thinks it will be an issue. Our last argument started when he started questioning a male co-worker texting me about work. I brought up their friendship and all hell broke loose. He eventually said he reacted poorly and I was nice and calm about the way I brought it up. However, the next day, he was distant and cold. I pushed him to talk (big mistake) and I think it just made him angrier.
Lol! I'm sorry,but this is really very common among Scorpios,if you didn't know that already! It's like they know they'll be loyal n one should never question their loyalty... Ever(not that they won't give any reasons for you not to doubt their loyalty though)!
N about he being distant n cold the next day is either because he didn't like agreeing he was wrong(because they always like to believe they can't be wrong) or maybe he was guilty! How did you react when he apologized Or sounded apologetical?click to expand
I *think* he ended up being angry again because after he apologized, he could sense I was still irritated. I was irritated by his reaction. We had discussed that we would both be able to calmly talk as adults if there was an issue and not attack the other person before we officially got back together.
Posted by GetMistedPosted by DeathbyScorpioPosted by GetMisted
May I ask what these "small things" were?
Sometimes.. Things that seem small in your eyes, are everything to us. Especially when those things directly go against our principles in life.
I realize the issue for him is a big deal. I didn't like a friendship he had with another girl (who is also a scorpio). They both like attention. She REALLY likes attention, and I just got tired of the double-standards. He was jealous of and questioned every male friend I had (and friends I rarely ever even saw in person). He would have had such a huge problem with things if the roles were reversed. Now, I don't even care. It's not worth this crap. I'm sure he doesn't know that, though, and probably still thinks it will be an issue. Our last argument started when he started questioning a male co-worker texting me about work. I brought up their friendship and all hell broke loose. He eventually said he reacted poorly and I was nice and calm about the way I brought it up. However, the next day, he was distant and cold. I pushed him to talk (big mistake) and I think it just made him angrier.
I'd be really irritated with that wishy washy crap.
Do you care? Or do you not? And if you don't.. Why bring it up?
Seems like he's consistant with himself not liking the other male attention around you.. Whereas you can't make up your mind.
You don't care until you can use it against him an arguement.click to expand
I used to care and be open about telling him so. I tried to let it go and told him I would try, and I didn't asy anything for a long time. With his constant questioning about whom I was texting and all, I finally said something. I know both of us were a bit insecure after the back and forth of the past year. In retrospect, since I wanted the relationship to work and wanted the old him back, I should have just let him be insecure and let it pass. No, it's not fair, but things aren't always fair in a relationship with a scorpio and you have to either accept it or try to move on. I just wanted him to see his double-standards, but I guess it was bad timing when things were still sensitive.
This is the fi
Continued...
This is the first time I've truly not cared. I think it's a combination of my feelings for him starting to change and me realizing it does neither of us any good to care about something outside our relationship. I've realized it's her problem she feels she needs attention (she is happily married and still seeks attention), not mine. Some people who act extremely confident are some of the most insecure people on the inside, and she is probably one of them.
I am absolutely not just trying to use it against him in an argument. I don't care to argue at all. It's a waste of time.
This is the first time I've truly not cared. I think it's a combination of my feelings for him starting to change and me realizing it does neither of us any good to care about something outside our relationship. I've realized it's her problem she feels she needs attention (she is happily married and still seeks attention), not mine. Some people who act extremely confident are some of the most insecure people on the inside, and she is probably one of them.
I am absolutely not just trying to use it against him in an argument. I don't care to argue at all. It's a waste of time.
Posted by scorchedearth
if he is your forever you know how he is and he's not gonna change, so stfu.
if he's not then why are you wasting any more time and energy on him when he pulls this shit?
I'm sorry..but it doesn't go that way with us! Just because he 'seems'like he doesn't treat her properly now wouldn't mean she's in it for life!I had a friend..there were issues..many arguments n stuff..one fine day i iced her out n thought that's the end of it! I thought I'll cut her off from my life forever!She has been persistent! Called me like over 20 times a day ..for like 5 months!Believe me when i say There's no such day she didn't call me!I was being a jerk..Felt nothing..not even pity! I was just indifferent! Then one day, i don't know why(maybe i was bored) i took her call! She cried..my heart melted then!We talked things out!We never really fought ever since!It's been 6 years n we are bff now n she's very precious to me...a part of my soul!
Here, I'm neither supporting the guy nor am i reasoning my behavior then..i was very young n unevolved then!I always wonder how did i do that!I'd never do anything as such now..!I'm not even asking deathbyscorpio to stand his double standards!It's her wish..n it's love! Love can make you do things.. !I'm just letting her know how it works sometimes..
Posted by scorchedearth
it's funny reading the scorpio board sometimes. if this guy was a libra or a sag and he did exactly the same things people would tell her to gtfo because he's controlling and emotionally abusive.
but i guess since he's a scorpio that's okay. cuz scorpio.
LOL! TRUTH.
Also, you can tell the differences in scorpios based on their responses. The attempts at trying to be condescending or rudeness verses someone actually trying to help you understand.
Example--Oh, you looked at him the wrong way? You deserve everything you are getting! LOL I've seen some ridiculous responses on here before, but I'm here for the people that are actually helpful. Like I said in my original post--everyone is different....
"I'm gonna sit back and let this unfold, but I just want to point out "small things" suggest that there is more than one thing that has been bothering him. I believe that is what the whale was getting at.
Carry on."
By all means, you can think whatever you want. This is the internet; I have no reason to be dishonest to people whom I don't even know and don't care what they think. When he ended things, he said that's why he ended things. He doesn't see it as an issue, so it shouldn't be an issue for me. If only things were that simple. Now is there more than one thing for me? Yes. He is a bad communicator (if that isn't obvious already) and has double-standards (which is a common theme for "unevolved" scorpios). Example, I'm going to ignore you, but don't you dare ignore me.
If I didn't love him and we didn't work together and have the same friends, this would all be a different story. Whenever he is confident in us, he can be the sweetest, most loving man to me.
It's funny, I always read about scorpios needing their space, but when we were together, he NEVER wanted to be away from me. We worked together and he wanted us to live together. His guy friends would want to have a guy night, and he'd ask me to come (I would tell him to just go and he wouldn't).
But, when angry or hurt? Yes, he fits most of the descriptions of scorned scorpios I've seen on the internet. Total extreme opposites.
Carry on."
By all means, you can think whatever you want. This is the internet; I have no reason to be dishonest to people whom I don't even know and don't care what they think. When he ended things, he said that's why he ended things. He doesn't see it as an issue, so it shouldn't be an issue for me. If only things were that simple. Now is there more than one thing for me? Yes. He is a bad communicator (if that isn't obvious already) and has double-standards (which is a common theme for "unevolved" scorpios). Example, I'm going to ignore you, but don't you dare ignore me.
If I didn't love him and we didn't work together and have the same friends, this would all be a different story. Whenever he is confident in us, he can be the sweetest, most loving man to me.
It's funny, I always read about scorpios needing their space, but when we were together, he NEVER wanted to be away from me. We worked together and he wanted us to live together. His guy friends would want to have a guy night, and he'd ask me to come (I would tell him to just go and he wouldn't).
But, when angry or hurt? Yes, he fits most of the descriptions of scorned scorpios I've seen on the internet. Total extreme opposites.
Personally, the double standards would piss me off. Not to mention both OP and her scorpio seem to be immature and are both playing similar games.
Posted by DeathbyScorpioPosted by TeenaPosted by DeathbyScorpioPosted by GetMisted
May I ask what these "small things" were?
Sometimes.. Things that seem small in your eyes, are everything to us. Especially when those things directly go against our principles in life.
I *think* he ended up being angry again because after he apologized, he could sense I was still irritated. I was irritated by his reaction. We had discussed that we would both be able to calmly talk as adults if there was an issue and not attack the other person before we officially got back together.click to expand
That might be it!He,apologizing itself is a big deal(is what he thinks)..So when he sensed you were still irritated he might've been taken aback!
Posted by TeenaPosted by scorchedearth
if he is your forever you know how he is and he's not gonna change, so stfu.
if he's not then why are you wasting any more time and energy on him when he pulls this shit?
I'm sorry..but it doesn't go that way with us! Just because he 'seems'like he doesn't treat her properly now wouldn't mean she's in it for life!I had a friend..there were issues..many arguments n stuff..one fine day i iced her out n thought that's the end of it! I thought I'll cut her off from my life forever!She has been persistent! Called me like over 20 times a day ..for like 5 months!Believe me when i say There's no such day she didn't call me!I was being a jerk..Felt nothing..not even pity! I was just indifferent! Then one day, i don't know why(maybe i was bored) i took her call! She cried..my heart melted then!We talked things out!We never really fought ever since!It's been 6 years n we are bff now n she's very precious to me...a part of my soul!
Here, I'm neither supporting the guy nor am i reasoning my behavior then..i was very young n unevolved then!I always wonder how did i do that!I'd never do anything as such now..!I'm not even asking deathbyscorpio to stand his double standards!It's her wish..n it's love! Love can make you do things.. !I'm just letting her know how it works sometimes..click to expand
I didn't have a 4+ year relationship with him. That was someone else. I have never even come CLOSE to cheating. I'm EXTREMELY loyal. I am also very sensitive and try to treat people the way I would want to be treated. Yes, he got extremely hurt, because he is extremely emotional. I both love and dislike that about him. I'm emotional, too, but...good God. He takes the cake. People that know our relationship (as well as you can as an outsider), even his best friends, agree he overreacts and I deserve better. However, I try to understand him and know that he doesn't mean to do what he does.
Posted by scorchedearth
the thing everyone will realize eventually is that no one *has* to put up with your shit. they will, because they care, until they don't anymore.
he's throwing his ass around and being an idiot. eventually you will probably get sick of it. the double standards and hypocrisy and shit. and then you'll walk.
I'm waiting for that day to come. If we didn't work together, I think I would have a long time ago. Sigh. Do not ever date a co-worker! Horrible idea!!
Posted by scorchedearth
teena i would hide that comment cuz you make yourself sound... i don't even know how to explain it... but not good...
Lol! Ikr? But i wouldn't run away from my truth! I've no reason to..as i said i was very young(16) n unevolved! I'm a very different person now! So if someone wants to waste their time judging me i wouldn't give a damn!N i posted that just to show how mean Scorpios can be!I didn't get any pleasure posting it nor was i trying to get attention.. :-)
Posted by DeathbyScorpio
"I'm gonna sit back and let this unfold, but I just want to point out "small things" suggest that there is more than one thing that has been bothering him. I believe that is what the whale was getting at.
Carry on."
By all means, you can think whatever you want. This is the internet; I have no reason to be dishonest to people whom I don't even know and don't care what they think. When he ended things, he said that's why he ended things. He doesn't see it as an issue, so it shouldn't be an issue for me. If only things were that simple. Now is there more than one thing for me? Yes. He is a bad communicator (if that isn't obvious already) and has double-standards (which is a common theme for "unevolved" scorpios). Example, I'm going to ignore you, but don't you dare ignore me.
If I didn't love him and we didn't work together and have the same friends, this would all be a different story. Whenever he is confident in us, he can be the sweetest, most loving man to me.
It's funny, I always read about scorpios needing their space, but when we were together, he NEVER wanted to be away from me. We worked together and he wanted us to live together. His guy friends would want to have a guy night, and he'd ask me to come (I would tell him to just go and he wouldn't).
But, when angry or hurt? Yes, he fits most of the descriptions of scorned scorpios I've seen on the internet. Total extreme opposites.
Interesting. No where did I imply you were lying. Dodging a very direct question asked by Dazed, yes. Lying? Who the hell knows. So....are we now making this thread about evolved Scorp and unevloved Scorps or are you here because you would like to make this work with him? From what I saw in this and your first thread, that was your goal. I personally think you're wasting your time with him, but you're not ready to hear that right now.
The way you've presented the OP it reads as though you are simply trying to get over a hump (aka "he pissy right now, how can I smooth it over"). However, you can not simply smooth things over with a Scorp. We remember and hold onto things. So, are you going to get to the source of the matter, which is what Dazed was trying to get at when he asked you about the "small things", or are you going to continue to go back and forth about the stuff this thread really isn't about?
Posted by DeathbyScorpio
"I'm gonna sit back and let this unfold, but I just want to point out "small things" suggest that there is more than one thing that has been bothering him. I believe that is what the whale was getting at.
Carry on."
By all means, you can think whatever you want. This is the internet; I have no reason to be dishonest to people whom I don't even know and don't care what they think. When he ended things, he said that's why he ended things. He doesn't see it as an issue, so it shouldn't be an issue for me. If only things were that simple. Now is there more than one thing for me? Yes. He is a bad communicator (if that isn't obvious already) and has double-standards (which is a common theme for "unevolved" scorpios). Example, I'm going to ignore you, but don't you dare ignore me.
If I didn't love him and we didn't work together and have the same friends, this would all be a different story. Whenever he is confident in us, he can be the sweetest, most loving man to me.
It's funny, I always read about scorpios needing their space, but when we were together, he NEVER wanted to be away from me. We worked together and he wanted us to live together. His guy friends would want to have a guy night, and he'd ask me to come (I would tell him to just go and he wouldn't).
But, when angry or hurt? Yes, he fits most of the descriptions of scorned scorpios I've seen on the internet. Total extreme opposites.
Interesting. No where did I imply you were lying. Dodging a very direct question asked by Dazed, yes. Lying? Who the hell knows. So....are we now making this thread about evolved Scorp and unevloved Scorps or are you here because you would like to make this work with him? From what I saw in this and your first thread, that was your goal. I personally think you're wasting your time with him, but you're not ready to hear that right now.
The way you've presented the OP it reads as though you are simply trying to get over a hump (aka "he pissy right now, how can I smooth it over"). However, you can not simply smooth things over with a Scorp. We remember and hold onto things. So, are you going to get to the source of the matter, which is what Dazed was trying to get at when he asked you about the "small things", or are you going to continue to go back and forth about the stuff this thread really isn't about?
Posted by MoonArtist
Personally, the double standards would piss me off. Not to mention both OP and her scorpio seem to be immature and are both playing similar games.
It does piss me off, and that's why I brought it up even though I said I wouldn't anymore. So, I can see where he would be frustrated, but it can't all be one-sided. Also, I've never played games. I'm too old (and mature, thanks) for that and don't see the point. Unfortunately, I love him, and love doesn't always make sense. It doesn't make sense for me to love him anymore, but you can't help your feelings.
"Interesting. No where did I imply you were lying. Dodging a very direct question asked by Dazed, yes. Lying? Who the hell knows. So....are we now making this thread about evolved Scorp and unevloved Scorps or are you here because you would like to make this work with him? From what I saw in this and your first thread, that was your goal. I personally think you're wasting your time with him, but you're not ready to hear that right now.
The way you've presented the OP it reads as though you are simply trying to get over a hump (aka "he pissy right now, how can I smooth it over"). However, you can not simply smooth things over with a Scorp. We remember and hold onto things. So, are you going to get to the source of the matter, which is what Dazed was trying to get at when he asked you about the "small things", or are you going to continue to go back and forth about the stuff this thread really isn't about?"
Oh, boy. lol I haven't dodged a single question yet, so I don't know what you're referring to, but okay. I'm simply replying to certain things people post. I guess you can skip what you don't want to read??
My friends, my family, his friends...they all think I am wasting my time with him, too. I get it. If it were a friend of mine, I'd say the same. Again, you can't help whom you love. It would be MUCH easier if I didn't have to be around him most of the time. Ideally, I'd like to smooth things over because I think it's a stupid reason to argue. We both love each other deeply. I'm not questioning how he feels about me; I know. I just don't always understand why he acts the way he does. I understand him a lot more after reading a lot about scorpios, and I can empathize with him. Most people (like my friends and family) would say--screw him, he's a jerk, you deserve better. I have a sensitive heart, especially for him since I love him, and I try to realize WHY he does what he does. Once I see why (he's hurt/he's extremely sensitive), it turns it from--he's an asshole, to--he doesn't know how to deal with his feelings.
He can literally go from being extremely cold to me to breaking down his wall and letting all his feelings out. That is not how I function. I try not to be cold to anyone. That other 4+ year relationship someone mentioned hurt me so bad that I don't ever want to hurt anyone, because I know what it's like. Since then, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.
I have realized you guys hold onto things.
The way you've presented the OP it reads as though you are simply trying to get over a hump (aka "he pissy right now, how can I smooth it over"). However, you can not simply smooth things over with a Scorp. We remember and hold onto things. So, are you going to get to the source of the matter, which is what Dazed was trying to get at when he asked you about the "small things", or are you going to continue to go back and forth about the stuff this thread really isn't about?"
Oh, boy. lol I haven't dodged a single question yet, so I don't know what you're referring to, but okay. I'm simply replying to certain things people post. I guess you can skip what you don't want to read??
My friends, my family, his friends...they all think I am wasting my time with him, too. I get it. If it were a friend of mine, I'd say the same. Again, you can't help whom you love. It would be MUCH easier if I didn't have to be around him most of the time. Ideally, I'd like to smooth things over because I think it's a stupid reason to argue. We both love each other deeply. I'm not questioning how he feels about me; I know. I just don't always understand why he acts the way he does. I understand him a lot more after reading a lot about scorpios, and I can empathize with him. Most people (like my friends and family) would say--screw him, he's a jerk, you deserve better. I have a sensitive heart, especially for him since I love him, and I try to realize WHY he does what he does. Once I see why (he's hurt/he's extremely sensitive), it turns it from--he's an asshole, to--he doesn't know how to deal with his feelings.
He can literally go from being extremely cold to me to breaking down his wall and letting all his feelings out. That is not how I function. I try not to be cold to anyone. That other 4+ year relationship someone mentioned hurt me so bad that I don't ever want to hurt anyone, because I know what it's like. Since then, I try to give people the benefit of the doubt.
I have realized you guys hold onto things.
Darn it, my response cut off. I'll try to summarize:
...My ex is holds onto things like no other.
Ideally, I would like for us to work things out. I think this whole thing is ridiculous and blown way out of proportion. I think his thinking is I won't ever get over it. To him, it isn't an issue and shouldn't be for me. Whenever I would bring it up, it was an automatic fight to him. There was no just talking about it, solving it, and moving on. It just meant a fight. He has told me he is terrified of confrontation and terrified of fighting with me. The "fighting" is what hurts him so much.
The year we were back and forth, it was very hard dealing with his up and down emotions, the push and pull, the confessing his emotions, and then icing me out. It made me insecure about us. Looking back on everything, I've realized if I had just let everything go, it would have helped his insecurities. Let me tell you how a relationship with two hurt people with doubts goes--it doesn't. At least one person has to be the bigger person and let crap go and decide to either trust in things or walk away. It's a lot easier said than done. I tried, but also failed sometimes.
Anyway, I would like to talk to him because he will continue to be scared, insecure, hurt, and think I'll continue to "fight" with him. ALL I can do is SHOW him, but...how do you go from no communication and hurt feelings to that? :/
I'd like to have the opportunity to at least talk things through with him--be it for us to have a common understanding and move on and be civil at work, or work things out.
Is it better for me to continue to be silent or should I try to approach him? If I approach him, what's the best way?
...My ex is holds onto things like no other.
Ideally, I would like for us to work things out. I think this whole thing is ridiculous and blown way out of proportion. I think his thinking is I won't ever get over it. To him, it isn't an issue and shouldn't be for me. Whenever I would bring it up, it was an automatic fight to him. There was no just talking about it, solving it, and moving on. It just meant a fight. He has told me he is terrified of confrontation and terrified of fighting with me. The "fighting" is what hurts him so much.
The year we were back and forth, it was very hard dealing with his up and down emotions, the push and pull, the confessing his emotions, and then icing me out. It made me insecure about us. Looking back on everything, I've realized if I had just let everything go, it would have helped his insecurities. Let me tell you how a relationship with two hurt people with doubts goes--it doesn't. At least one person has to be the bigger person and let crap go and decide to either trust in things or walk away. It's a lot easier said than done. I tried, but also failed sometimes.
Anyway, I would like to talk to him because he will continue to be scared, insecure, hurt, and think I'll continue to "fight" with him. ALL I can do is SHOW him, but...how do you go from no communication and hurt feelings to that? :/
I'd like to have the opportunity to at least talk things through with him--be it for us to have a common understanding and move on and be civil at work, or work things out.
Is it better for me to continue to be silent or should I try to approach him? If I approach him, what's the best way?
"He fucked up by the way he reacted?
Okay.. What is it you did that hurt him and provoke the reaction.. that you felt the need to apologize for?"
I said he f'ed up by the way he reacted because he promised me he wouldn't react that way if there was ever anything one of us needed to bring up. Then again, I guess he feels the same way about me bringing it up at all and saying I wouldn't. He doesn't get the double-standard part at all, apparently.
I hurt him by bringing up an issue that he sees as fighting. Honestly, people keep asking me what else is there...that's all there is! lol Yes, I realize it is stupid (on both ends) that we are arguing about one thing that is so silly. People cheat, people abuse, etc. Neither of us would cheat. We love each other. We're just both sensitive and got hurt feelings.
His reaction was from me mentioning her. I mentioned her to show him the double-standards, but that was not heard at all. All he heard was--old issue, here we go again, fight. I apologized for bringing it up and because I wanted to keep the peace.
Okay.. What is it you did that hurt him and provoke the reaction.. that you felt the need to apologize for?"
I said he f'ed up by the way he reacted because he promised me he wouldn't react that way if there was ever anything one of us needed to bring up. Then again, I guess he feels the same way about me bringing it up at all and saying I wouldn't. He doesn't get the double-standard part at all, apparently.
I hurt him by bringing up an issue that he sees as fighting. Honestly, people keep asking me what else is there...that's all there is! lol Yes, I realize it is stupid (on both ends) that we are arguing about one thing that is so silly. People cheat, people abuse, etc. Neither of us would cheat. We love each other. We're just both sensitive and got hurt feelings.
His reaction was from me mentioning her. I mentioned her to show him the double-standards, but that was not heard at all. All he heard was--old issue, here we go again, fight. I apologized for bringing it up and because I wanted to keep the peace.
Lol
+1 Dazed
So it's the female stihl?
Posted by GetMistedPosted by DeathbyScorpio
His reaction was from me mentioning her. I mentioned her to show him the double-standards, but that was not heard at all. All he heard was--old issue, here we go again, fight. I apologized for bringing it up and because I wanted to keep the peace.
So let me make sure I understand this correctly..
He reacted because you once again brought up something you said you wouldn't.. And you did so to show him the double standard? So you provoked the reaction and scold him for it?
Didn't I say that on the first page?
ffs
click to expand
If I had brought it up argumentatively, then that would be one thing. I was VERY calm and VERY sweet when I brought it up. He even admitted that himself, and he never admits stuff like that. (I always have to be at fault.) I initially brought it up as pointing out that I noticed he was questioning me literally every time he saw me texting on my phone. He would ask if I was texting guys. The first thing he said as I walked into his place was about me texting someone, and it happened to be a male co-worker. He then accused me of flirting. Well, I wasn't. I'm also incredibly loyal to him. I've stood by him through a year of bull. I don't know of many other people who would have the patience for that. So, it was very disheartening to be back together and him to question me like that when, to me, all I've shown him is I AM HERE, I AM YOURS. So, I told him--you question me over this stuff, but have this going on. How would it make you feel if you saw me do the same? I don't say anything to you. You have to trust me. I am yours....etc. Annnnnnd, fighting.
That is not provoking or scolding. I very lovingly expressed what I was feeling and tried to reassure him. Communication is necessary in a relationship, and if someone automatically jumps on the defensive just because they don't want to be jealous or whatever...well....
What is song with the majority of Cancers and Geminis lately? Or did I miss something during my absence? Have I just forgotten? I don't remember it being THIS bad.
I'm sorry, SHE (not it) that was accidental.
Posted by GetMistedPosted by DeathbyScorpio
I dated a male cancer and never had that issue. I'm a cancer female and never do that. I have dated a scorpio and he was TERRIBLE at that. After we broke up, and were off again/on again, he would intentionally take forever to respond to my texts. But if I waited even 5 minutes to respond to his, he would freak out. I think it's a control issue, not a cancer issue. In scorpios (I know a lot of them), they are the W O R S T at dishing something out but not being able to take it. Holy. Hell.
Give him a taste of his own medicine. Let him see how it feels.
How's that for maturity?
smhclick to expand
That was advice given to me by...*gasp*...a scorpio.
Speaking of maturity...
Why do people get so emotionally involved in their responses and so judgmental? If you don't want to try to help, that's cool. All you have to do is stop reading and respond to another post. I asked two questions, and got a bunch of other stuff. I've tried responding, but I see it's pointless.
So...if there is a scorpio, or someone who has dealt with a scorpio, that wants to answer my questions, awesome.
Wrong* lol
Yo, simmer down.
Maybe some people forget to put up disclaimers.
In this case it would've helped her case to have a heart to heart talk..at some point.
It's infurriating to run a relationship or a full life on assumptions.
Maybe some people forget to put up disclaimers.
In this case it would've helped her case to have a heart to heart talk..at some point.
It's infurriating to run a relationship or a full life on assumptions.
I am a scorpio and have been with a scorpio and have a few close scorpio friends, but I'm pretty sure any advice that could be given in regards to your questions have already been covered.
Maybe if the answers were candy coated you'd accept it?
I'm all for bringing something up or letting it go. Basically speak up or forever hold your peace.
However, people can take time to think of a good way to bring something up and this shouldn't be hold against them. Same for circumstances..I wouldn't bring something up with a person when they have a lot of stress in their life and are going through tough times.
I would never bring something up to be petty and slam them though.
A non acusatory way of bringing something up can be found.
However, people can take time to think of a good way to bring something up and this shouldn't be hold against them. Same for circumstances..I wouldn't bring something up with a person when they have a lot of stress in their life and are going through tough times.
I would never bring something up to be petty and slam them though.
A non acusatory way of bringing something up can be found.
*held.
^That's what I said.
Why do people keep posting if you're so offended by what I say? Go to a different thread; there are lots of them. A couple of people posted things that were actually insightful to scorpios.
This started off as being helpful. Let's try this again:
If there is anyone else who would like to offer insight or advice, again: Is it best to remain silent or should I try to approach him? If you think I should approach him, how?
My sister is a scorpio and she says to remain silent and he will come back. She says if I keep trying to make peace, it's only going to encourage his past behavior. A scorpio on here said staying away may make it worse. People are different in every sign. Signs are just there for generalizations.
This started off as being helpful. Let's try this again:
If there is anyone else who would like to offer insight or advice, again: Is it best to remain silent or should I try to approach him? If you think I should approach him, how?
My sister is a scorpio and she says to remain silent and he will come back. She says if I keep trying to make peace, it's only going to encourage his past behavior. A scorpio on here said staying away may make it worse. People are different in every sign. Signs are just there for generalizations.
Posted by Damnata
I'm all for bringing something up or letting it go. Basically speak up or forever hold your peace.
However, people can take time to think of a good way to bring something up and this shouldn't be hold against them. Same for circumstances..I wouldn't bring something up with a person when they have a lot of stress in their life and are going through tough times.
I would never bring something up to be petty and slam them though.
A non acusatory way of bringing something up can be found.
Thank you. This actually addresses something and can give me insight.
In retrospect, I definitely shouldn't have brought it up, especially in the newness of it all when things were sensitive. But, I'm human, and sometimes emotions get the best of us. I remained calm and loving in how I said it, but that wasn't enough.
Posted by scorchedearth
what message are you wanting to send? you can respect his need for space or be an avoidant asshole both doing exactly the same thing.
I would like to talk to him to get a sense of what he is thinking and feeling and also let him know what I'm thinking and feeling. I have told him in the past, whenever he is upset, all he has to do is say he needs space and I'll give it to him. He doesn't do that, though. So, I'm left wondering. In the past, he has avoided me, so I eventually gave up and avoided him. Then, he comes back and says I made it obvious I didn't want to talk to him, so he was trying to give me my space. ....WHAT? Very confusing. So, I don't know what to do.
I don't want to come off as an avoidant a-hole. I started not talking to him because he seemed to want space. But, what if he is seeing me as an avoidant a-hole?? I never know.
At the same time, I don't want him to feel I'm NOT respecting his space. So...I'm not sure what to do.
Should I maybe go up to him and say I've been trying to give him his space and I would like to talk to him calmly and nicely if he is ready?
Posted by scorchedearth
the thing is if you've been with him for more than a couple of months you should know if when he goes away he needs space or if he's looking for you to come after him.
This is going to sound really silly, but he'll try to communicate with me through posting songs. We were out with friend a couple of weeks ago, for instance, and I was keeping my distance, as was he. He went over to the jukebox, and I noticed that every song he played related to what we were going through. One of them was a song I even sent him once, and I noticed he looked over at me and started singing it. It was the only time the entire night (or month) he looked at me. (The song was "How's It Gonna Be" by Third Eye Blind.) Anyway, a few weeks ago, I poured my heart out to him over text. Like an hour later, he posted a song about wishing you had never broken up with your ex, losing your will to stay away, and missing the person. It talks about being strong until you get the person back. Yet...he didn't respond. It's just confusing to me. There's a lot I understand about him and people think I'm crazy to have the patience to do so. But, sometimes, he confuses the hell out of me.
Posted by scorchedearth
a simple "i'm here when you're ready to talk." can go a long way. and then just don't push it.
Thank you.
Posted by scorchedearth
i was involved with a virgo who did that. and i didn't realize it at first. if i had i never would have sent her "slutgarden" by marilyn manson. 😐
didn't realize we were feelsing with songs.
Bahahaha
When he and I first started dating, I asked him to teach me a guitar riff from a song. Lyrically, it's a dumb song about not being able to love and just wanting the physical. I didn't think anything of that. I just liked the guitar. He finally looked at me all worried and said, "Are you trying to tell me something—" I had no idea what he meant until he repeated some of the lyrics. I just started laughing and said, "Oh my gosh, NO! I just like the guitar!"
To answer your question, when things are good with us (as in, when he is comfortable and not hurt or insecure), he is very open with his feelings. That was one of the things I loved about him. He made me feel SO loved, and most men aren't so open with how they feel. However, whenever he is in this state, he isn't open AT ALL. So, he communicates only through music. He even told me he builds a wall so high, it's too high to climb.
All the songs tell me he has "the feels." lol But, his actions? I could be dead and it wouldn't matter. :/
PS-The message I want to send is that I love him and I just want peace.
If I can gather anything from past experience with him, he isn't one to put himself out there when hurt. It's almost like I have to drag him out of his shell, and once he sees I'm not a threat or wanting to fight, he lets his guard down a little. The problem is, there can be a fine line between him seeing that as me not respecting his need for space. So, I can tell him I'm there when he's ready to talk, but even if he is dying to talk to me, I don't know that he'll initiate. Although, that would be better than pissing him off further. Do you think it would be too much to write him a short note and give it to him?
If I can gather anything from past experience with him, he isn't one to put himself out there when hurt. It's almost like I have to drag him out of his shell, and once he sees I'm not a threat or wanting to fight, he lets his guard down a little. The problem is, there can be a fine line between him seeing that as me not respecting his need for space. So, I can tell him I'm there when he's ready to talk, but even if he is dying to talk to me, I don't know that he'll initiate. Although, that would be better than pissing him off further. Do you think it would be too much to write him a short note and give it to him?
Posted by scorchedearth
there's really not much you can do if he shuts you out. because if you come on too strong that's wrong. but if you don't engage at all then you don't care. it's a fine line you gotta walk.
That is exactly why I don't know what to do. :/
I'm not quite sure what I'd write yet, but something along the lines of: There is a fine line between me trying to give you space and not wanting to hurt you by coming off as apathetic. I'd like to talk and hopefully gain some peace and understanding if you are ready and willing.
Yes, no?
Posted by GetMisted
How about telling him the Scorpio woman doesn't bother you.. And mean it.
And never bring it up again?
I am all for that, and I really, really do not need to ever bring it up again. But, I don't think he is going to believe me unless I explain why I feel differently this time. For example, this past year, I was looking at everything through hurt. Then, I started feeling differently. Something inside me broke and I started feeling nothing. I started realizing the girl is flirty with everyone. (Yes, she is more so with him, but I know nothing is ever going to happen, so why even let it bother me.) It's hard to look at things as an outsider when you're still nursing your wounds and still insecure about feeling rejected for a year. I mean, I know that's why he was questioning me texting people. He had just been hurt over the ups and downs like I had been. Any person can see I am not interested in anyone but him. I wouldn't have put up with his crap had I even been remotely interested in anyone else. Everyone could see that, but him. I get why because it was hard for me to trust in things, too.
I was thinking maybe that's why a short note would be best? But, I also don't want to say too much. I don't want him to think--oh, here we go again...she's bringing it up for a fight. He's very much on the defensive.
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