NeedScorpAdvice
@NeedScorpAdvice
9 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 93 · Topics: 3
Male scorpio suddenly mean after being so loving. What in the world—?
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I KNOW he loves me DEEPLY. Despite his actions, I know that he does. (He has emotional issues he needs to work on, clearly.)
I KNOW that he is not interested in someone else. Trust me, I know.
I KNOW that he is hurting.
However, I don't know why he has to be so mean and refuses to see me even though he promised me he would.
Does he not want to see me because he is trying to move on and thinks he won't if he is around me physically?
Does he not know what he wants and so he doesn't want to talk and be forced to make a decision on whether to end things or come back around?
Is he so hurt that he doesn't want to be the asshole he just was to me?
Is he trying to hurt me so I won't come around? (In the past he says he truly didn't mean to hurt me, but he was so focused on his own hurt that he didn't consider mine.)
Is he completely mental?
Seriously, though, some insight to what may be going on in his mind would be very appreciated.
When I saw him (I told him to at least give me my pillow and I wouldn't force him to talk), he looked like he had been crying. I went to ask him to please at least be kind, but he cut me off mid-sentence and just said, NO, and walked off. Very cold.
PLEASE HELP.
I KNOW that he is not interested in someone else. Trust me, I know.
I KNOW that he is hurting.
However, I don't know why he has to be so mean and refuses to see me even though he promised me he would.
Does he not want to see me because he is trying to move on and thinks he won't if he is around me physically?
Does he not know what he wants and so he doesn't want to talk and be forced to make a decision on whether to end things or come back around?
Is he so hurt that he doesn't want to be the asshole he just was to me?
Is he trying to hurt me so I won't come around? (In the past he says he truly didn't mean to hurt me, but he was so focused on his own hurt that he didn't consider mine.)
Is he completely mental?
Seriously, though, some insight to what may be going on in his mind would be very appreciated.
When I saw him (I told him to at least give me my pillow and I wouldn't force him to talk), he looked like he had been crying. I went to ask him to please at least be kind, but he cut me off mid-sentence and just said, NO, and walked off. Very cold.
PLEASE HELP.
PS-His attitude is making it easy to walk away. I don't deserve this treatment and I don't want someone who is capable of this behavior towards someone they deeply love.
For any of you scorps out there who may function like this--it's a good way to lose someone for good. Be careful how you treat people.
For any of you scorps out there who may function like this--it's a good way to lose someone for good. Be careful how you treat people.
What's your sign?
You tried to play a game you didn't know how to win.
Manipulation to have someone kind of grovel towards you is what scorpios see through best and first.
They kind of own that department. Figuratively speaking.
Sooooooooo....now you wait or leave. Either way you've given him the upper hand dear.
Manipulation to have someone kind of grovel towards you is what scorpios see through best and first.
They kind of own that department. Figuratively speaking.
Sooooooooo....now you wait or leave. Either way you've given him the upper hand dear.
Posted by scorplyCancer
What's your sign?
does he have Gemini moon or Gemini mars or Gemini in personal planets? 3rd house sun that kind of thing.
I was with my little nephew who has Gemini venus and Gemini mars and he's still a baby.
his parents tell me he is so changeable, and confusing. He says one thing then is confused and says another.
like he'll say he doesn't want that and he does want that. I know that he's still a baby, a toddler really, but these little signs show that early.
my little aries moon baby was very active, very cardinal active.
what's your man's placements?
I was with my little nephew who has Gemini venus and Gemini mars and he's still a baby.
his parents tell me he is so changeable, and confusing. He says one thing then is confused and says another.
like he'll say he doesn't want that and he does want that. I know that he's still a baby, a toddler really, but these little signs show that early.
my little aries moon baby was very active, very cardinal active.
what's your man's placements?
Posted by happyface1What game was I trying to play?
You tried to play a game you didn't know how to win.
Manipulation to have someone kind of grovel towards you is what scorpios see through best and first.
They kind of own that department. Figuratively speaking.
Sooooooooo....now you wait or leave. Either way you've given him the upper hand dear.
HE seems to be the one playing games. This is ridiculous. His reactions never match what actually happened. Seriously, please explain what you mean. I appreciate your response!
Posted by NeedScorpAdvice
I KNOW he loves me DEEPLY. Despite his actions, I know that he does. (He has emotional issues he needs to work on, clearly.)
Yeah maybe he does but so do you
Posted by NeedScorpAdviceLol, I knew it. If you want honest advice, you're going to have to come clean about mentally messing with him.That's why he's blowing up.Posted by scorplyCancer
What's your sign?click to expand
Posted by happyface1Are scorpio moons very similar to scorpio suns?? I should make a topic about this! I love all my scorp family members, but wouldn't want to date any of them......and I just realized I might have spent my entire life dating scorpios and never realized it! 😕
You tried to play a game you didn't know how to win.
Manipulation to have someone kind of grovel towards you is what scorpios see through best and first.
They kind of own that department. Figuratively speaking.
Sooooooooo....now you wait or leave. Either way you've given him the upper hand dear.
Anyway, I agree with everything you said anyway! This seems like normal scorpio fight behavior. If you wait long enough, he'll probably calm down and come back to talk, or you can leave.
Posted by NeedScorpAdviceYou told him to communicate if there was something wrong.Posted by happyface1What game was I trying to play?
You tried to play a game you didn't know how to win.
Manipulation to have someone kind of grovel towards you is what scorpios see through best and first.
They kind of own that department. Figuratively speaking.
Sooooooooo....now you wait or leave. Either way you've given him the upper hand dear.
HE seems to be the one playing games. This is ridiculous. His reactions never match what actually happened. Seriously, please explain what you mean. I appreciate your response!click to expand
You felt something was wrong but did not communicate yourself.
You expected him to read hints.
That's not what you told him. So that's the game you play.
You want him to clearly communicate with you but not give him the same respect.
Yikes sounds like you should take his advise and do your own things for awhile and evaluate ... how to communicate with each other if you both can take talk literally about anything or everything without feeling constructive. This is going to be a love hate type relationship and damn when someone manipulates with words though is when I chuck deuces. Fuck you worked your problem now it's not changing at all. Just resentmemt. And stress.
Leave each other it's not working out.
How old is he
Leave each other it's not working out.
How old is he
@happyface1--We all have some issues to some extent. I can admit mine and know where they stem from. I don't think he even knows where his stem from, but his are BAD. If he barely gets his feelings hurt, even if it was completely unintentional (and it always is), it's like he jumps off a bridge when all he needs is a band aid. He hurts my feelings, too. The difference is, I am very forgiving, I'm willing to talk, and I don't STAY upset over something miniscule. He does.
@Dastard--He is normally very loving, and I am very loving to him. That's why I say I know he loves me deeply. I love him deeply. When things are good, they are wonderful. He is just SO, SO, SO sensitive, and over the smallest things. I would never intentionally hurt him, and I remind him of that. I don't jump off into the deep end every time he does something that hurts my feelings. I always try to tell him I appreciate his efforts. I'm sure he has felt unappreciated--like when I wasn't touching him and he was touching me. But, I told him I am very appreciative and apologized if I didn't show him in the way he needs. I've been a lot more affectionate ever since we got back together. If you truly think he resents me, instead of making unhelpful comments telling me I'm an idiot (when you don't even know the whole story, and cannot make such a harsh judgment), how about tell me what it is I'm supposed to do, according to a scorpio.
Man, some of you scorpios are SO incredibly sensitive, but also incredibly vicious. You can't take what even a tenth of what you dish out, yet expect to be handled with kitten mittens at all times. I'm not saying all of you. I've just never seen anything like it before, except in a family member.
@scorply--I was never mentally messing with him. That's the honest truth. I don't play childish mind games. I am straight up with how i feel and my intentions. However, since YOU read that from what I posted, maybe he IS thinking that?? Why would he think that and what do I do or say to clear that up?
@Dastard--He is normally very loving, and I am very loving to him. That's why I say I know he loves me deeply. I love him deeply. When things are good, they are wonderful. He is just SO, SO, SO sensitive, and over the smallest things. I would never intentionally hurt him, and I remind him of that. I don't jump off into the deep end every time he does something that hurts my feelings. I always try to tell him I appreciate his efforts. I'm sure he has felt unappreciated--like when I wasn't touching him and he was touching me. But, I told him I am very appreciative and apologized if I didn't show him in the way he needs. I've been a lot more affectionate ever since we got back together. If you truly think he resents me, instead of making unhelpful comments telling me I'm an idiot (when you don't even know the whole story, and cannot make such a harsh judgment), how about tell me what it is I'm supposed to do, according to a scorpio.
Man, some of you scorpios are SO incredibly sensitive, but also incredibly vicious. You can't take what even a tenth of what you dish out, yet expect to be handled with kitten mittens at all times. I'm not saying all of you. I've just never seen anything like it before, except in a family member.
@scorply--I was never mentally messing with him. That's the honest truth. I don't play childish mind games. I am straight up with how i feel and my intentions. However, since YOU read that from what I posted, maybe he IS thinking that?? Why would he think that and what do I do or say to clear that up?
Posted by ImpulsvBy being human. Seriously. I think he is SOOOOOO incredibly sensitive (literally, the most sensitive person I have EVER met), and cares SO much for me, that the SMALLEST thing just tears up his insides. It is NOT normal. Every single person that knows how he acts (even people who are his friends) say it is not normal to react the way he does. I really wish he would see a counselor to find out what triggers him to feel SO hurt. I'm not even TRYING to hurt him. Most of the time I have no clue what I even did, and I'm a sensitive person myself. Hello, I'm a Cancer. lol I try to be so understanding and patient with him, because I don't think he means to do what he does, deep down. It's very difficult to deal with sometimes, though. We both get worn down. He did say he thinks he needs to see a counselor not too long ago, but he never went. I was hoping we could BOTH go see one, and try to work through things. Our fights are so stupid. There's no reason to end a relationship or not talk for a day+ over the things we argue about. I've never argued with any of my other boyfriends, so it's not like I'm really hard to get along with or a hurtful person. It's just that he is so sensitive, and then the way he retreats kills my insides. So, it's just not good. 😢
He said he's trying to walk a away from the person that causes him pain( u)
How do u keep causing him pain?
Posted by lisabethur8Hmmmm, I'm not sure. I'll have to try to look online...
does he have Gemini moon or Gemini mars or Gemini in personal planets? 3rd house sun that kind of thing.
I was with my little nephew who has Gemini venus and Gemini mars and he's still a baby.
his parents tell me he is so changeable, and confusing. He says one thing then is confused and says another.
like he'll say he doesn't want that and he does want that. I know that he's still a baby, a toddler really, but these little signs show that early.
my little aries moon baby was very active, very cardinal active.
what's your man's placements?
Posted by happyface1Okay, that makes sense. I REALLY do not usually do that. I honestly don't know what my deal was or why I got hurt in that moment. To be honest, I acted like him. I'm ALWAYS the one who is trying to talk things out and smooth things over. This is the one time I wasn't, honestly. I mean, I was honest in that I made a mistake in this post. I can see that, I admit it, I apologized. The difference with us is that when he apologizes, I forgive and let it go. He holds onto things like no other. I don't understand it. It's not a healthy thing to do.Posted by NeedScorpAdviceYou told him to communicate if there was something wrong.Posted by happyface1What game was I trying to play?
You tried to play a game you didn't know how to win.
Manipulation to have someone kind of grovel towards you is what scorpios see through best and first.
They kind of own that department. Figuratively speaking.
Sooooooooo....now you wait or leave. Either way you've given him the upper hand dear.
HE seems to be the one playing games. This is ridiculous. His reactions never match what actually happened. Seriously, please explain what you mean. I appreciate your response!
You felt something was wrong but did not communicate yourself.
You expected him to read hints.
That's not what you told him. So that's the game you play.
You want him to clearly communicate with you but not give him the same respect.click to expand
What do you suggest that I do? If I text him, he is annoyed I'm talking, but maybe I can try to clear things up. If I don't text him, it gives him time to maybe cool off, but then he is probably thinking bad things that aren't so. Basically, I feel damned if I do, damned if I don't. Which is the lesser of the two evils? Sigh.
Posted by ImpulsvYes, but I don't really know how. I mean, I am VERY loving and affectionate. I am very sweet with him. He wants me to be touching him almost all the time, so I have been more affectionate. He also said it kills him that he feels he has to make the first move, sexually. I tried explaining to him that when I'm running on 5-6 hours of very interrupted sleep and night and then I'm literally struggling to keep my eyes open to stay up with him, it's very hard to have the energy to pounce on him. Yet, when I do initiate, he makes comments about how I feel obligated, which is not true. On the weekends, when I've had a good night's sleep, I'm much more alive. He stays up super late and wants me to stay up with him. The problem is that he gets to sleep in HOURS more than I do in the mornings, and he can usually take a nap during the day. Our work schedules are different, so I'm running on fumes and he feels rested. It's not at all that I don't want him. I'm just freaking exhausted. I told him we really need to start going to bed earlier. Anyway, things like that are recurring issues.
what are most of the arguemebts about? Does he feel rejected
Not payed attention ..?
Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428He will be 30 in October. I'm three years older.
Yikes sounds like you should take his advise and do your own things for awhile and evaluate ... how to communicate with each other if you both can take talk literally about anything or everything without feeling constructive. This is going to be a love hate type relationship and damn when someone manipulates with words though is when I chuck deuces. Fuck you worked your problem now it's not changing at all. Just resentmemt. And stress.
Leave each other it's not working out.
How old is he
Posted by DastardOh. Yes, I think you are absolutely right in that assertion. He puts up a wall and tries to save himself from more hurt. But, he stays hurt while we are apart. He even admitted he loved me the entire two years we were apart, and that he tried dating others to get over me, but they just didn't compare. He said I'm the love of his life and he doesn't ever want to lose me again. I mean, it's everything a woman wants in a man, which is why it's so hard to stay away from him. He loves so passionately and deeply, and I truly love him with everything in me because of it. It's when he gets so passionately upset that is so hurtful. All I want to do is talk and reconcile, and all he wants to do is run and ignore. There's nothing worse than feeling ignored, and feeling like the person you love is apathetic about how you feel.
What I meant to say is that he probably isn't this loving in relationships. Probably cause he wants to protect himself. He's made an exception for you.
@Impulsv, thank you so much for your responses. What do I do at this point? Should I text hm and tell him--I am not sure what is going on in your mind, but if you're thinking I don't love you like you love me, I do. I have been more affectionate lately, and I want to be affectionate with you. I never mean to hurt you. I love you and I want to make you happy. ...Something like that?
He's emotionally immature. Notice when you try to calm him down with love he push away more but when you leave him alone he text you revealing his feeling. He claim you have cause him pain..but did he ever say what you do to cause him pain. He get upset because you wanting to leave then when you tell him the reason why instead of him showing compassion towards you he get defensive and ask you to go..at that moment he could have been more loving to you but he turn it around it made it about his feeling.Then again you try to apologize and then he say he want to break up. He is selfish.. he need to communicate and work on his own issuses. I also see a power trip thing going on. As soon when u tell him that u are sorry then he want to break up and not show up to talk a schedule meeting. You should give him his space . Let him come to you. Cut the pattern by not feeding into it
@butterfly30, I think you are very accurate in your take on him. You're probably right about letting him come to me. I sent a few texts to him tonight to clarify so he doesn't think things that aren't true, but I need to just let him be. I want to help him, and I suggested counseling, but I cannot help him if he doesn't help himself.
I love him dearly, and I wish we could be friends, because he really is my best friend. However, I don't think I will go back to him. He is too much work and too much pain when there are other people who are more forgiving, not selfish, not controlling, etc. I think he means well, deep down, but I can't keep making excuses for him. At some point, he needs to be an adult and own up to his own shortcomings.
Thanks for replying. I needed to be reminded of that.
I love him dearly, and I wish we could be friends, because he really is my best friend. However, I don't think I will go back to him. He is too much work and too much pain when there are other people who are more forgiving, not selfish, not controlling, etc. I think he means well, deep down, but I can't keep making excuses for him. At some point, he needs to be an adult and own up to his own shortcomings.
Thanks for replying. I needed to be reminded of that.
Posted by NeedScorpAdviceSun signs don't tell everything. You kind of sound like an asshole.Posted by ImpulsvBy being human. Seriously. I think he is SOOOOOO incredibly sensitive (literally, the most sensitive person I have EVER met), and cares SO much for me, that the SMALLEST thing just tears up his insides. It is NOT normal. Every single person that knows how he acts (even people who are his friends) say it is not normal to react the way he does. I really wish he would see a counselor to find out what triggers him to feel SO hurt. I'm not even TRYING to hurt him. Most of the time I have no clue what I even did, and I'm a sensitive person myself. Hello, I'm a Cancer. lol I try to be so understanding and patient with him, because I don't think he means to do what he does, deep down. It's very difficult to deal with sometimes, though. We both get worn down. He did say he thinks he needs to see a counselor not too long ago, but he never went. I was hoping we could BOTH go see one, and try to work through things. Our fights are so stupid. There's no reason to end a relationship or not talk for a day+ over the things we argue about. I've never argued with any of my other boyfriends, so it's not like I'm really hard to get along with or a hurtful person. It's just that he is so sensitive, and then the way he retreats kills my insides. So, it's just not good. 😢
He said he's trying to walk a away from the person that causes him pain( u)
How do u keep causing him pain?click to expand
You find it funny how sensitive he is because you yourself are a Cancer and because of what you've read thinking that it makes you soooo sensitive. Grow the fuck up.
Posted by kbear1988Not sure about Scorpio moon being like Scorpio suns in an everyday manner. Personally I think it's a big difference between the two.Posted by happyface1Are scorpio moons very similar to scorpio suns?? I should make a topic about this! I love all my scorp family members, but wouldn't want to date any of them......and I just realized I might have spent my entire life dating scorpios and never realized it! 😕
You tried to play a game you didn't know how to win.
Manipulation to have someone kind of grovel towards you is what scorpios see through best and first.
They kind of own that department. Figuratively speaking.
Sooooooooo....now you wait or leave. Either way you've given him the upper hand dear.
Anyway, I agree with everything you said anyway! This seems like normal scorpio fight behavior. If you wait long enough, he'll probably calm down and come back to talk, or you can leave.click to expand
Posted by happyface1lol yes because there's still 11 sun signs with scorpio sun and other placements.Posted by kbear1988Not sure about Scorpio moon being like Scorpio suns in an everyday manner. Personally I think it's a big difference between the two.Posted by happyface1Are scorpio moons very similar to scorpio suns?? I should make a topic about this! I love all my scorp family members, but wouldn't want to date any of them......and I just realized I might have spent my entire life dating scorpios and never realized it! 😕
You tried to play a game you didn't know how to win.
Manipulation to have someone kind of grovel towards you is what scorpios see through best and first.
They kind of own that department. Figuratively speaking.
Sooooooooo....now you wait or leave. Either way you've given him the upper hand dear.
Anyway, I agree with everything you said anyway! This seems like normal scorpio fight behavior. If you wait long enough, he'll probably calm down and come back to talk, or you can leave.click to expand
edt - I mean scorpio MOON with other sun signs/venus/mars ect.
That Water Sign Connectionâ„¢ though....
I'll respond to people a bit later, but...
Does anyone have any ideas as to why he agreed to "gladly talk tomorrow," we set a time, and then he canceled adamantly 20 minutes before we were to meet?? This isn't the first time he has done this to me--agreeing to talk, and then bailing on me.
Does anyone have any ideas as to why he agreed to "gladly talk tomorrow," we set a time, and then he canceled adamantly 20 minutes before we were to meet?? This isn't the first time he has done this to me--agreeing to talk, and then bailing on me.
Posted by NeedScorpAdviceOh? The way I see it, he stated it was done and was willing to hear you out and agreed to meet. In that type scenario, like it or not, he's in the driver's seat because you're the one asking for something. Whether it be conversation, a second chance, friendship. Whatever. It would be the same if it was reversed. The statement you made about compromise "by waiting" would irritate anyone that has already determined something isn't working, yet has said "okay I'll hear you out". Then you kept pushing with "I'm on my way". Oh really? He said he's not feeling well, yet you're pushing. It came off a selfish and all about what you wanted in that moment. You should have simply let it ride out, said "I hope you get better, let's talk when you feel up to it" and rescheduled (or just move on tbh).
...I pleaded with him (probably a mistake) to talk to me. He said no, but eventually agreed to talk the next day (today). We set a time. About 20 minutes before I was to arrive, he texted me asking me if we could reschedule because he wasn't feeling well. I said I had already compromised by waiting. and had already asked him yesterday not to bail on me. I told him it wouldn't take long at all and that I was on my way. ...
Even if you felt he was faking, there is something to be said about that. Aside from the issue of dishonesty, he was telling you it wasn't the right time for him emotionally, so let it slide.
That is my general feedback if you happen to encounter this situation again and feel the need to push someone into talking to you when you're in the wrong.
As it relates to this guy:
The worse thing you can do is force a fixed sign to talk when they aren't in the mood. Speaking for myself if I stated let's do it another time, respect that as I would respect your request. You push me, I'm doing the exact opposite (we are a sign that represents extremes) and you lost any chance to talk to me because you're telling me something about your ability to respect my wishes. I wouldn't have even wasted my time giving you a tongue lashing. I'd simply hang up and block you. I don't like to repeat myself and I don't feel I should have to explain why I can't talk because I'm not feeling well. It should go without saying why it's not a good time. Love doesn't have anything to do with it because I already feel we don't work and your actions just confirmed it.
He may feel differently from what I wrote since lately all the Scorp men you all seem to be writing about come off fickle as hell, going back and forth, jerking you all around, which you allow... I've never met or dated a Scorp man like that. So give him space and see what comes of it.
Posted by NeedScorpAdviceHe's right. At the very least, take the space to sort out why you two react to each other the way you do if you truly want to make this work. That can't always happen within the relationship.
...he thinks we need to work on ourselves separately....
Sorry you're hurting, but if you want something to last, perhaps take time to see if that helps things.
Posted by NeedScorpAdvicePerhaps he does, but there something more important in what you wrote. Hint: it's the "emotional issues he needs to work on" bit. Let the man work on his issues so he can be a better person for you.
I KNOW he loves me DEEPLY. Despite his actions, I know that he does. (He has emotional issues he needs to work on, clearly.)
Posted by NeedScorpAdviceWhy exactly are you still putting up with his behaviour then?
I'll respond to people a bit later, but...
Does anyone have any ideas as to why he agreed to "gladly talk tomorrow," we set a time, and then he canceled adamantly 20 minutes before we were to meet?? This isn't the first time he has done this to me--agreeing to talk, and then bailing on me.
You can't save him from himself.
Posted by EllycakesThis.
...So maybe he's not wrong about spending time apart.
It's not ok to use the relationship as a reward for good behavior. It's shitty to break up and get back together with someone just because you are experiencing emotional inconsistencies you don't know how to control.
IIt's also shitty to try and force emotional expectations and a status quo on someone. Just because you wanted to talk doesn't mean it was ok to berate him when he wasn't ready. And shoving the problems off on him 'Cause he's SO SO SOOOO sensitive' lacks any empathy towards his emotional process.
So he doesn't care how about you feelings and drags you around. And you don't care about his feelings and want to try and force him to handle his emotions in a way more understandable to you. And you want to save this because sometimes you've felt deeply connected? Relationships are also about respect. And it seems you two don't have a lot for each other.
Posted by tizianiI agree it is making a mountain out of a molehill and not the end of the world. Communication, understanding, and apologies go a long way. People make mistakes, but it's how you deal with them that matters most. If you can learn from it and grow, then that's what is important. Like I said earlier, I don't understand jumping off bridges when you need a band-aid. He has messed up plenty of times, and I keep forgiving, because I realize we are both human. Intentions are what means the most to me. If you are intentionally hurting me, I will not stand for that. Nor should anyone stand for me intentionally hurting them. I never hurt him intentionally, though. I suppose he isn't trying to hurt me intentionally either. Of course, it's hard to see that in each other when the other doesn't see your perspective and functions differently than you.
I'd day don't make a mountain out of a molehill.
Yes you screwed up by not practicing your own suggestion and the best way to move past that is just to own it and say as much, if he cares to listen. Hypocrisy happens, especially in genuine relationships.
On two separate incidents though you've both showed no interest in the others wellbeing and that may be something you want to address in the long term (if there is one). In the first conversation (unless you skipped some details) he doesn't even ask or enquire about your wellbeing, just talks about how he's been feeling which is straightforward but self-involved. Same thing with you pressuring him to meet up and putting your needs before his own wellbeing.
You sound like two individuals where the sum is lesser than the parts for now. That's not the end of the world, and it's certainly not something to make a drama out of either.
@Phoenix-- The reason why I said I compromised by waiting is because I had asked him to talk that day, and he said let's compromise by waiting until the next day, and I said okay. I just don't like the fact that he went against his word. I even told him that day, please do not bail tomorrow.
You're right about not forcing someone to talk. It won't accomplish anything if he isn't ready to hear me, anyway. It's just that in the moment, I felt very disrespected. I felt like he wasn't even considering my feelings or what he had said he would do. That was more so the issue for me. Also, over a three year span, not once has he been willing to talk when I want to talk. I ALWAYS have to wait until he is ready. Meanwhile, it's killing me not knowing what he's thinking, feeling unsettled, feeling so hurt, and feeling like talking will make things better (and it always does). I completely understand that he may need time to think, and that his reaction is to retreat and be alone. However, my need to talk and have peace is just as strong. So, there needs to be a compromise, imo. I've told him several times--just tell me that you need to take time to sort your thoughts first. Don't just ignore me and say nothing. That is dismissive and rude. It is very hurtful. I think he has told me he needs time maybe once, and I immediately said okay, thank you for telling me, take time then. The trigger for me last night was that I feel he never considers my feelings when he is hurt. He gets mean and it's always his way or the highway. There is rarely a compromise. We made a compromise, which I appreciated, but then he didn't uphold his end of it.
I have a meeting now, but I'll tell you what I texted him last night, and let me know what you think. What I sent him was nice. I won't contact him again to give him space.
You're right about not forcing someone to talk. It won't accomplish anything if he isn't ready to hear me, anyway. It's just that in the moment, I felt very disrespected. I felt like he wasn't even considering my feelings or what he had said he would do. That was more so the issue for me. Also, over a three year span, not once has he been willing to talk when I want to talk. I ALWAYS have to wait until he is ready. Meanwhile, it's killing me not knowing what he's thinking, feeling unsettled, feeling so hurt, and feeling like talking will make things better (and it always does). I completely understand that he may need time to think, and that his reaction is to retreat and be alone. However, my need to talk and have peace is just as strong. So, there needs to be a compromise, imo. I've told him several times--just tell me that you need to take time to sort your thoughts first. Don't just ignore me and say nothing. That is dismissive and rude. It is very hurtful. I think he has told me he needs time maybe once, and I immediately said okay, thank you for telling me, take time then. The trigger for me last night was that I feel he never considers my feelings when he is hurt. He gets mean and it's always his way or the highway. There is rarely a compromise. We made a compromise, which I appreciated, but then he didn't uphold his end of it.
I have a meeting now, but I'll tell you what I texted him last night, and let me know what you think. What I sent him was nice. I won't contact him again to give him space.
How long have you been together
You've said that he loves you a lot. Which is most likely true. Love is a beautiful thing. Unfortunately though, life and relationships especially, must have more than love as a foundation. And there must be more than love holding two people together.
It's hard to say how long we have been together. We were together for about six months to begin with, and then were very off and on for about two years after. We got back together officially once before, and he pulled the same disappearing act. We got back together officially again about three months ago. I realize this is not normal or healthy, but I also keep having hope that we can do better. Our problems are really not that big of a deal. It's how they are handled that is the big deal.
So, last night I sent texts that said--
I don't want to talk when it is forced, because I want it to come from a place of love as my intentions are to build trust, to understand, and to heal. I also explained why he hurt my feelings by saying no to talking. I didn't want to irritate him, I was wanting to talk to calm him down. His actions do not seem loving, so I'm going to assume he is hurting. I reiterated that I don't want to hurt him. I asked him if I had been more affectionate since we reconciled. I said I had been trying because I DO love him and want him to feel loved. If I didn't love him so much, I wouldn't be so forgiving and willing to fight for us. I explained my thinking the night I tried to leave, admitted I was wrong, apologized, and said I didn't think it was something we can't fix. If he need space, then okay. I just wanted to clear the air first so that we don't spend that time with skewed views of the other. I don't think it's fair to make such a big decision to end things when we love each other so much. Let's take time to figure out why we both get so hurt and how we can fix it. I was going to suggest we go to counseling, either alone or together. Time apart is not what I want, but if it will help you, then let's take time to work on ourselves. I would appreciate a few minutes to clarify some things, though, if you are willing and have time. I am here for you if you need a friend. Please know I'm not your enemy. Please be kind, even when you are hurting. I'm hurting, too. Let's not be harsh with one another, because it does not help. Feel better.
Thoughts on those texts? I won't be texting him again. I know it will probably irritate him and the ball is in his court. Also, if he doesn't care to speak to me and goes days and days without doing so, I'm going to be done at that point.
Thanks for all the advise and perspectives!
So, last night I sent texts that said--
I don't want to talk when it is forced, because I want it to come from a place of love as my intentions are to build trust, to understand, and to heal. I also explained why he hurt my feelings by saying no to talking. I didn't want to irritate him, I was wanting to talk to calm him down. His actions do not seem loving, so I'm going to assume he is hurting. I reiterated that I don't want to hurt him. I asked him if I had been more affectionate since we reconciled. I said I had been trying because I DO love him and want him to feel loved. If I didn't love him so much, I wouldn't be so forgiving and willing to fight for us. I explained my thinking the night I tried to leave, admitted I was wrong, apologized, and said I didn't think it was something we can't fix. If he need space, then okay. I just wanted to clear the air first so that we don't spend that time with skewed views of the other. I don't think it's fair to make such a big decision to end things when we love each other so much. Let's take time to figure out why we both get so hurt and how we can fix it. I was going to suggest we go to counseling, either alone or together. Time apart is not what I want, but if it will help you, then let's take time to work on ourselves. I would appreciate a few minutes to clarify some things, though, if you are willing and have time. I am here for you if you need a friend. Please know I'm not your enemy. Please be kind, even when you are hurting. I'm hurting, too. Let's not be harsh with one another, because it does not help. Feel better.
Thoughts on those texts? I won't be texting him again. I know it will probably irritate him and the ball is in his court. Also, if he doesn't care to speak to me and goes days and days without doing so, I'm going to be done at that point.
Thanks for all the advise and perspectives!
Posted by SunsetvirgoAgreed. I was really hoping to talk to him in person and see if he would be willing for us to go to counseling, either as individuals as supportive friends, or as a couple to see if things can work. I think it would benefit both of our future relationships, whether it's together or with other people. He has admitted to me before that he has problems and he needs counseling. He hasn't done anything to actually do it, though.
You've said that he loves you a lot. Which is most likely true. Love is a beautiful thing. Unfortunately though, life and relationships especially, must have more than love as a foundation. And there must be more than love holding two people together.
He texted me yesterday telling me I probably wouldn't believe him, but he has a stomach bug and even canceled on hanging out with one of our friends for the night. I thanked him for letting me know calmly, offered to bring him meds and gatorade to leave at his door, and said feel better. He never responded, but at least he let me know and wasn't mean about it.
I really think his stomach is messed up just from his nerves, but maybe not. This has happened before when we've gone through something similar.
I'm still curious as to why he seems scared or unwilling to talk or see me. I don't mean when he is sick, I'm just saying in general. This is his MO. Every time we talk, things improve.
I really think his stomach is messed up just from his nerves, but maybe not. This has happened before when we've gone through something similar.
I'm still curious as to why he seems scared or unwilling to talk or see me. I don't mean when he is sick, I'm just saying in general. This is his MO. Every time we talk, things improve.
Posted by NeedScorpAdvice
He texted me yesterday telling me I probably wouldn't believe him, but he has a stomach bug and even canceled on hanging out with one of our friends for the night. I thanked him for letting me know calmly, offered to bring him meds and gatorade to leave at his door, and said feel better. He never responded, but at least he let me know and wasn't mean about it.
I really think his stomach is messed up just from his nerves, but maybe not. This has happened before when we've gone through something similar.
I'm still curious as to why he seems scared or unwilling to talk or see me. I don't mean when he is sick, I'm just saying in general. This is his MO. Every time we talk, things improve.
he maybe sick but how long does it take for a person to text and say..I really sick right now just give me alittle time and I get back to you..trust me..he will want the same. This is why I said he is selfish also. It's his intention to leave things unclear..don't text him again. Let him come to you. Question did he text you this because you was still texting him? Or did he just out the blue give u this text?
I think you should just leave him alone. Sounds like he is trying for no contact. Did you two have an unbalanced relationship or something? Sounds overly dramatic.
@busyeyes88-- I've never had a hard time letting a relationship go except for two, including this one. The other one was a 4.5 year relationship with another Cancer. But, yes, I am very clingy with him, and I don't know why other than I just love him a lot. :/ How long do you think I should wait to contact him? Of course, I'm hurting and getting impatient. 😢 I do think he and I could work things out, especially with therapy. Is it worth it? I don't know. All I know is that being apart sucks.
@butterfly30, Agreed. Why leave things unclear, though? I think maybe he isn't really sure what he wants yet. I could be wrong. He had asked if we could reschedule again and talk the next day, and I never answered. I know he would have reached out to me if he wanted to talk, but I was weak and texted to ask if he still wanted to talk that day. That was his reply. I haven't heard from him since.
@BrightLight I think HE feels it is unbalanced. He feels he loves me more than I love him, which I find silly. I try to reassure him that's not the case. I mean, fighting for someone who can disappear on me whenever he gets hurt--how does that not show commitment and a desire to make it work? I wouldn't be putting myself through this if I didn't care for him a great deal. I honestly think part of the problem is his insecurities and his fears becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. Overly dramatic, indeed. :/
How long should I wait to say anything? He owes me money for a plane ticket I'm assuming he will no longer use for a trip we have scheduled at the end of this month. Ugh.
@butterfly30, Agreed. Why leave things unclear, though? I think maybe he isn't really sure what he wants yet. I could be wrong. He had asked if we could reschedule again and talk the next day, and I never answered. I know he would have reached out to me if he wanted to talk, but I was weak and texted to ask if he still wanted to talk that day. That was his reply. I haven't heard from him since.
@BrightLight I think HE feels it is unbalanced. He feels he loves me more than I love him, which I find silly. I try to reassure him that's not the case. I mean, fighting for someone who can disappear on me whenever he gets hurt--how does that not show commitment and a desire to make it work? I wouldn't be putting myself through this if I didn't care for him a great deal. I honestly think part of the problem is his insecurities and his fears becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. Overly dramatic, indeed. :/
How long should I wait to say anything? He owes me money for a plane ticket I'm assuming he will no longer use for a trip we have scheduled at the end of this month. Ugh.
Sorry to sound like a broken record, but I'm extremely hurt and it's better to post things on here than it is to try to figure things out through my ex, who is not responding.
Also, no one has answered the WHY to his actions, and I'm really trying hard to understand. I know everyone says give space or walk away from the relationship. I get that, and I'm trying. It would help me to give space if I could at least understand what may be going through his head.
So, we had set up another time to talk. He suggested a day and I said okay. That day was today. I texted and asked if a certain time would work for him. He waiting an hour to respond and then said--I know you're going to take this personally and I wish you wouldn't, but I cannot do this right now. My personal life is not something I can handle right now.
I don't think it's fair to keep setting up a time to talk and then backing out. Yes, I get that he is not ready. I don't understand why. I don't understand what's going on with him and why distance works. I also don't understand how he can not see that I keep having to give into his wants, yet my wants never get met when he is upset. Do scorpios typically not see the other person's side or put themselves into the other person's shoes when they are hurt? He mentioned to me before that when he is hurt, he only focuses on his pain and not anyone else. We had a conversation about how that's not good and it's not fair. He agreed and said he would do better. Well, here we are AGAIN. I'm sitting here not knowing what to think or where anything stands. It's agonizing.
I texted him back and said I understand that he feels that way, but I wish he would consider my feelings. His inability to deal with his personal life is just as great as my inability to not talk and have peace. I told him we didn't need to talk about us or getting back together, or whatever. I simply wanted understanding and peace. I said I wished he would place my feelings above his own for a few minutes as I have tried doing for him. I said if he would just give me a few minutes, if he needs space after that, I will give him space. I reassured him I have nothing negative, hurtful, or anything that would make him feel worse to stay. I just want peace and feel I was cut off without a chance for that.
Naturally, he didn't respond. (Do you guys think he even read them??)
So, then I texted--I'm going to give you time to respond and stop blowing up your phone. I think talking can help you deal with/process your feelings and thoughts. I REALLY do or I wouldn't try to talk. Please don't ignore me though. It hurts. 😢
No response.
I'm assuming the best thing to do at this point is say nothing.
How many days do I give him?
What could be going through his mind?
Oh, he did mention at one point (not today) that he has failed at this relationship, and I think he is being really hard on himself?? I don't know.
Also, no one has answered the WHY to his actions, and I'm really trying hard to understand. I know everyone says give space or walk away from the relationship. I get that, and I'm trying. It would help me to give space if I could at least understand what may be going through his head.
So, we had set up another time to talk. He suggested a day and I said okay. That day was today. I texted and asked if a certain time would work for him. He waiting an hour to respond and then said--I know you're going to take this personally and I wish you wouldn't, but I cannot do this right now. My personal life is not something I can handle right now.
I don't think it's fair to keep setting up a time to talk and then backing out. Yes, I get that he is not ready. I don't understand why. I don't understand what's going on with him and why distance works. I also don't understand how he can not see that I keep having to give into his wants, yet my wants never get met when he is upset. Do scorpios typically not see the other person's side or put themselves into the other person's shoes when they are hurt? He mentioned to me before that when he is hurt, he only focuses on his pain and not anyone else. We had a conversation about how that's not good and it's not fair. He agreed and said he would do better. Well, here we are AGAIN. I'm sitting here not knowing what to think or where anything stands. It's agonizing.
I texted him back and said I understand that he feels that way, but I wish he would consider my feelings. His inability to deal with his personal life is just as great as my inability to not talk and have peace. I told him we didn't need to talk about us or getting back together, or whatever. I simply wanted understanding and peace. I said I wished he would place my feelings above his own for a few minutes as I have tried doing for him. I said if he would just give me a few minutes, if he needs space after that, I will give him space. I reassured him I have nothing negative, hurtful, or anything that would make him feel worse to stay. I just want peace and feel I was cut off without a chance for that.
Naturally, he didn't respond. (Do you guys think he even read them??)
So, then I texted--I'm going to give you time to respond and stop blowing up your phone. I think talking can help you deal with/process your feelings and thoughts. I REALLY do or I wouldn't try to talk. Please don't ignore me though. It hurts. 😢
No response.
I'm assuming the best thing to do at this point is say nothing.
How many days do I give him?
What could be going through his mind?
Oh, he did mention at one point (not today) that he has failed at this relationship, and I think he is being really hard on himself?? I don't know.
Also, yes, I know it's not good to just text. Yes, I know he needs space. But, I am human and I'm dying inside. I've been waiting and waiting and waiting. Do you scorpios who do this know how hard it is for the person who wants to talk to you and just try to have peace and understanding?? It's awful. It's just as hard for us as it is for you when you don't want to talk. Yet, since we can't force you to talk, but you can force the not talking, we never feel better. Shouldn't there be some sort of compromise? It's hard to compromise when you both want opposite things, but can't he at least say--hey, I still care for you and I'll come around soon, but give me time to sort my thoughts? I mean, that would calm me down and allow me to easily give him the space he needs. Do some scorpios just completely not understand that perspective? I'm really curious.
Any perspective on what he may be going through and why he needs to retreat would be really helpful.
Please, no smart ass, rude comments. Those are not helpful. You can keep them to yourself.
Any perspective on what he may be going through and why he needs to retreat would be really helpful.
Please, no smart ass, rude comments. Those are not helpful. You can keep them to yourself.
Posted by SensitiveBluesTHIS. THANK YOU. Why is that so hard for some people to understand— lolPosted by busyeyes88its not being clingy COW, its wanting the DRAMA to be over with. We are cardinal, we like to take care of issues and be DONE WITH IT so we can move on to greener pasturesPosted by NeedScorpAdviceCancers are very clingy and your energy is more than likely draining him of his energy... Give him the space he needs and let him come to you.... If you have both been "back and forth" "on and off" throughout the time you have known each other, perhaps this time... It's meant to be PERMANENTLY OFF... ie realising that your relationship does not ultimately work and there is no "longevity" here and go your separate ways....
He texted me yesterday telling me I probably wouldn't believe him, but he has a stomach bug and even canceled on hanging out with one of our friends for the night. I thanked him for letting me know calmly, offered to bring him meds and gatorade to leave at his door, and said feel better. He never responded, but at least he let me know and wasn't mean about it.
I really think his stomach is messed up just from his nerves, but maybe not. This has happened before when we've gone through something similar.
I'm still curious as to why he seems scared or unwilling to talk or see me. I don't mean when he is sick, I'm just saying in general. This is his MO. Every time we talk, things improve.
Crabs hate staying in a conflicted situation without any solution/conclusion
click to expand
Posted by SensitiveBluesI do agree with you, and when I leave him alone, he does come back like that. However, I'm at a point now where I'm like f the waiting and feeling like crap for the days or weeks or months it takes him to sort through his head. I can empathize, but at some point it just becomes very selfish of him to expect me to just wait and then forgive. Sigh. I'm just tired of being in limbo.
oh my god stop contacting him. Disappear on his AZZ, when a Scorpio cuts me off, i go ice cold on them.
guess what' they're back apologizing and crying in a month or so
get a grip on yourself
don't ever let a scorpio get the upper hand
Agreed, SensitiveBlues. To add to my last post and to reiterate what you said, I just want closure, peace, and understanding. Why ANY of those things are bad, I will never understand. Meanwhile, he will sit and sulk, feel horrible, and then realize that horrible feeling isn't going away and come back. As soon as we talk, he feels better. I always ask him--see, isn't it better when we talk? He admits it is and admits I keep trying to tell him that. Why put yourself through the torture when you can just talk it out? MOST arguments and hurts come down to misunderstandings. He is thinking one thing and I am thinking another, but the perceptions are almost always skewed. Once we see what each other was thinking/feeling/intending, we realize (okay, mostly he realizes) there was no need for a big to do in the first place. I just don't understand that way of thinking or dealing with things. People always say scorpios will sting themselves the most in the process. It's true, but it doesn't make any sense.
Personally, I hate emotional pain. I want to get passed it asap. He has admitted before that he wallows in it. WHY? lol
Personally, I hate emotional pain. I want to get passed it asap. He has admitted before that he wallows in it. WHY? lol
So, he finally texted me back. (I'm surprised.) He explained to me that he sees I have given him space, but he had a death (work-related, not an employee or anyone he was close to, but not fun, I'm sure), and he is emotionally raw right now. He says subconsciously he is scared we will argue, and he cannot deal with an argument right now. I tried reassuring him I'm not trying to argue and that I would hope that would be apparent in how understanding and kind I have been. I told him that is also the last thing that I need right now, and even if he is the one who starts to get heated, I will try to calm him down by reminding him that I care for him. If that doesn't work, I told him I will leave and give him space.
I really think this is his biggest problem, overall:
He is so scared of losing me and so scared of something going wrong that he creates it. I've seen it time and time again. It's like him being so worried I don't love him as much as he loves me, even though I spent ALL of my free time with him, was affectionate, told him I love him, etc. Then he creates an argument from it, and retreats. It's like him not wanting to talk because he is scared we may argue. Yet, us not talking is creating a lot of tension and will eventually lead to me feeling very neglected (and eventually angry).
Do any of you scorpios do that or have done that in the past?
I really think this is his biggest problem, overall:
He is so scared of losing me and so scared of something going wrong that he creates it. I've seen it time and time again. It's like him being so worried I don't love him as much as he loves me, even though I spent ALL of my free time with him, was affectionate, told him I love him, etc. Then he creates an argument from it, and retreats. It's like him not wanting to talk because he is scared we may argue. Yet, us not talking is creating a lot of tension and will eventually lead to me feeling very neglected (and eventually angry).
Do any of you scorpios do that or have done that in the past?
I'm actually not very moody. I'm sensitive, yes. But, I do not react like he does. I've learned over the years what works and what doesn't. Even during that time of the month, I've never been moody. Everyone says crabs are moody, but, literally, the first thing people at a new job or school always say about me is--You're always so positive and happy! Even if I'm having a bad day, I try to not let it affect others.
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