Scorpio - What the hell do I do now?

First off hi to all the Scorpio's that lurk here. I thank you for all the insight you guys have in this forum however I am seriously livid this morning with my Scorpio. I have no idea what the hell to do so I just keep my mouth shut. Damn if I do and damn if I don't.

Let me give you his chart and then we can move on. I am in dire need of assistance because as much as I would like things to work out I just cannot seem to get on his level.

Sun - Scorpio
Ascendant - Aries
Moon - Capricorn
Mercury - Scorpio
Venus - Scorpio
Mars - Libra
Jupiter - Aries
Saturn - Sagittarius
Uranus - Sagittarius
Neptune - Capricorn

Alright so let's get this party started. In order to keep the length of this to a minimum I will try to sum this up as easily as possible.

Two years he and I have been talking on and off. He used to live in my state but now goes to school out on the west coast. Seeing how cheap he is, he tells me he no longer has a cellphone. So it's almost impossible to speak to him unless on skype or through email/chat programs. Now I am not sure if that is the truth because at one point when we were on skype I heard a phone ring in the background which was a Nokia ringtone. Of course he denies it with something really stupid.

Anyways for two years on and off I have had to deal with him being emotionally unavailable and a temper from hell. So much so that he would break up with me left and right because of something minor. I think in the span of two years he has dumped me maybe 8-10 times? Maybe 12?

Now the question that I have for you Scorpio's is this. Is hypocrisy a Scorpio trait? Because I have always been there for him. Yet he goes on trips for 3 days at a time Friday-Sunday to spend family time (he does this a lot actually) and hell he wants me to trust him so I don't question him. Just two days ago I go out, and he goes off on me. I was out with some girlfriends and he loses it. Saying "Please don't hurt me", and "Are you seeing someone else" and "I know I haven't been around much and I am sorry for that" etc. I mean really? Oh ok you want me to trust you but you have NO trust in me.

Then we get into a huge fight last night (we fight a lot) about me logging off because well he pissed me the hell off by saying "You should be happy I am making time for you" that PISSED me off, so I left. I had errands to run and I didnt speak to him until this morning. Well the Scorpion was building a fortress the whole night.

***Continued***

And he leaped on me this morning saying how I hurt him so badly because I didn't give him details of what I was doing. I logged on to offline messages seething with anger and terrible emails about how "upset" he was. Yeah ok yet it's ok for him to not write me all weekend until 4AM on Sunday. Oooookay.

Guys what the hell do I do? I have NO idea how to speak his language. We fight all the time and he blames me for a lot of things. I am trying to get him to open up to me and he says he has but all I do "is jump down his throat". He is being overly dramatic and really asinine. He makes mountains out of molehills and I can't even begin to tell you how much he loves to play the victim. Yet hey where was he when he dumped me so many times? Where was he when he dumped me the fucking day after Christmas after he begged me to be there for him when he had a death in the family. Mind you this whole time I was there he treated me like dog shit.

Scorpio some insight? How am I able to get on his level? I pride myself on open communication but this guy is damn near impossible.

You've already given up half of your pride .... he wants all of it, so, since you insist on being with a guy who's only intention with you is to control you .. then to get to his level, as you stated you want .. then you'll have to give up all of your individuality, and be his puppet.


You obviously want him, no matter how much of a dick he is ... so what's the point of this thread? You can't very ask anybody in here how to MAKE him treat you better, when you are obviously eager in showing him how little you hold yourself in regard for yourself.


Honestly, Xin, I don't get you right now ... you used to be a woman of convictions, who wouldn't allow herself to be trompled on. What happened here?


You are laying down to be his rug, and don't seem to mind .. the only thing you seem to mind is that he isn't noticing how far you bend over for him.


Seriously, I don't get you with this situation, at all .... seems way out of character.

He isn't going to change. Nobody changes in accordance with the other person trying to force issues, people only change at their own bidding.


If a person isn't compatible with you, then you are suppose to walk away to go find a person who is.

Thank you for your input P-Angel. Honestly you normally aren't this nice to me but thank you for keeping it on that level.

However you are right I don't put up with shit EVER, but this guy it's like an internal war for me mostly because I pride myself on my communication skills and some how I am failing, and at epic proportions. So I am like WTF is wrong with me how am I failing at communication? The best skill I have?

But yes I do see truth in your retort. I won't lie you do have a point.

Hi there... I'm new here (short-time lurker and love this site).

My question after reading your story: Why do you WANT to be on his level? Why would you spend your time and energy on someone that is this disrespectful and is offering you no benefit. You fight all the time? He dumps you every few months? And it's long-distance to boot! This is not a relationship that is serving you in any way. I know, easier said than done (I'm there /been there myself) but instead of focusing on how to "fix" this, maybe open your heart and attention to somebody who wants to be with you and is ready to offer you what you want and deserve, while making sure you are in a healthy place to receive that.

PS - I'm a Scorp, btw.

@Moimeme welcome to the astrology forum.

Thank you for answering also. I really appreciate and value everyone's opinion just needing a little insight to maybe keep my sanity for the time being. LOL! Well I know that's not funny really but I guess I have to laugh at little at this, because I am being an idiot.

I suppose I am just really trying to make it work and maybe trying to prove that it isn't me with the problem, but at this point that is pointless who is causing what. After so much time being told that maybe it's you, hell maybe it is? Shit I'll entertain the idea because I always see two sides of an argument even if it is unfair, I still weigh it out.

I am thinking ok, this approach doesn't work, this doesn't work. Trying new ideas or new ways to get to communicate and speak his language.

Yeah whenever he decides to spend money on a ticket and go in with me on it instead of spending his money on video games.

Xin,


When I got to the part of dumping you 8,10, 12 times....I wondered to myself "And you stay with him because WHY?".

Sweetheart...the signs are there, are you ready to see them yet? I hope so.

How in God's name is this relationship benefitting you positively?

PS..that cap moon is a nasty one. He will likely be an unhappy man for a long time to come.

@BGP

Hum the cap moon? I'm not well versed on Cappy moons. Are they usually unhappy types?

But honestly BGP that's why I came here to get some real insight regardless if it hurts my feelings or not.

I think you both are speaking other languages. Compatibility is off. Something like opposite attracts.

I'm Scorpio myself, but I haven't seen him as an asshole. He is being emotionally explanatory. You are not compatible. I think that is where the problem lies. It takes a lot of effort to make something like this work. Constant fights are not healthy for either of you. You may need to make a decision if you wish to continue with this relationship or not.

@FUM

Ok but may I ask you something? How is it so hypocritical? He wants me to trust him, yet he doesn't trust me. He wants me to tell him details, yet he doesn't detail anything for me. He wants me to chase him, and do none of the chasing. And he wants me available, when hes "so" busy, be "understanding" of his schedule but wants me to drop everything when I am at work.

So how is that being emotionally explanatory?

The letter *E* is highly over rated anyhow.

Cap moon info here

http://www.alwaysastrology.com/capricorn-moon.html

Oh I know. I am big time fickle. But thank you for turning it on me GOD Elle! I don't see you posting crappity crap crap on that Sag whining about her Scorpio in that other thread!

I will commit to the right person but fuck my life I don't need him like to be completely closed off. There is an extreme here and he is pushing that. He doesn't share a damn thing! Scorpio's seem to take it to a level of extreme all the time. I mean really? Yeah hello have a little mystery but don't be ridiculous. I don't want to know EVERYTHING about you but if you take it to the point that I know nothing ever? Yeah no.

And HELL YEAH I was pining after a Virgo. He dumped my ass so mmm hum I started talking to other people. That didn't work out.

@Zip

Hi Zip! *Wave* Very nice commentary. Thank you for this.

Honestly I have tried that totally backfires on me. He tells me to trust him and he really needs that from me. So I do. I rise to occasion and do what is necessary. However when it is me, (which recently I had a spa day, got my hair done, went out with girlfriends - This is to Elle about doing personal things) he literally flipped out on me. Asking me if I am seeing someone, who I was talking to, etc.

I brought it up about how he questions me but he wants me to trust him when the truth is he doesn't trust me at all. I started to do my own thing seeing that he has no respect for my schedule but wants me to conform to his all the time.

The second I stepped out of his comfort zone is when he started to lose it.

@elle

You are entitled to your opinion however I will have to disagree on this. He is busy, yes, but when I get busy it's like meltdown central. I just want things to be fair and reciprocated in a way that is good for us both. But most of the time it's about him and it always has been.

@elle

I give him what he gives to me. If he is going to disrespect me I tell him to sit the fuck down because I'm not going to 1. take his disrespect and 2. be a damn martyr so he can shit all over me. I shouldn't have to be fake and sit there and take his shit. I don't think that's fair at all. So it's ok for him to dish it out and I have to be a good girl and take it? FUCK NO.

@Elle
Honestly Elle now that you mention it I have no fucking clue why we go back and forth. However yesterday I just got up and left and that caused a meltdown too. Damned if I do and damned if I don't. I can choose to fight back, take it (says I am being indifferent and he doesn't like it when I agree), or leave either way hes going to be pissed with all three.

@Zip
I know I am very guilty of this over explaining or over analyzing the situation or person at hand. As I said previously I am like what the hell do I do? Do I walk away? He got pissed. Do I let it roll off my back? He got pissed (says he doesn't like indifference but he hates fighting too so wtf?), fight back and its another meltdown....

@Elle

See to me I am like how are Scorpio's even the martyr's here? I feel like wow I don't understand you at all. I see Scorpio's as being controlling, vindictive, and just plain hypocritical. Where is the self sacrifice and the being the martyr? It blows my mind that those two words are even in the same sentence. To me it's like an oxymoron.

I suppose the question I am trying to ask is this:

How do I deal with it? Do I get up and leave? Do I make myself scarce? Do I fight back or do I take it?

All of these options have been done and every single one has caused a meltdown. That's why I came here today because maybe I just don't know wtf to do with myself if none of these options work.

Xin, honey, we're all telling you the same thing. Take yourself back. The pieces will fall into place in your life when you do, whether he is a part of it or not.

Mmm yes I am starting to think that too. That we just aren't compatible.

Thank you for being brutally honest though Elle. I do appreciate that quality from Scorpio's the most. At least you don't F around and sugar coat it, I really do like that.

Looking at you cross eyed though seems to be the norm for me because I have no idea what the hell you Scorpion's are doing half the time in your cave.

Well Id like to make things work with him. I am a trooper no matter what shit goes down. I know how it feels to have someone or something give up on you and just vanish. Not really my style . I like to make things work and things to be fair.

Very generous, giving, understanding is what I usually am but make no mistake I am not a floor mat to be trampled on.

Posted by ZipZapZoooom

can scorpios be controlling, vindictive and hypocritical? sure we can. however, not usually on our own. always takes someone else to get us there😉

gosh you guys learn the blame game as soon as you arrive in this world! you come out with a finger pointed straight at the doctor - "you made me cry" 😛

click to expand

Ok I did just laugh at this, and pretty hard too.

@Elle - I know right. I have the weirdest look on my face too when I talk to you Scorpio's. More like a "DUH" look or "Dah I don't get it" kind of look. LOL!

cutting to the chase, yes scorps are excellent hypocrits.

R1g0r - So why is that exactly? I mention that to him and it's like in one ear out the other.

My 2 cents on cappy men: I dated one for 3 year. The most emotionally abusive relationship I ever had. Always played the victim, never his fault always mine. Would constantly think im cheating when I was out with the girls. When confronted he would act as if nothing happen would kiss my ass until I gave in.. Once I gave in , the vicisious circle would begin once again. Until this day, he still send me random messages, expressing his hate toward me for the fact that I left him and was not there for him ..

Personally, not my cup of tee

Posted by Jessica777
My 2 cents on cappy men: I dated one for 3 year. The most emotionally abusive relationship I ever had. Always played the victim, never his fault always mine. Would constantly think im cheating when I was out with the girls. When confronted he would act as if nothing happen would kiss my ass until I gave in.. Once I gave in , the vicisious circle would begin once again. Until this day, he still send me random messages, expressing his hate toward me for the fact that I left him and was not there for him ..

Personally, not my cup of tee

Jess - He is a Scorpio with a Cap moon 🙂

I Know, therefore he still holds traits of a capricorn .. Hence reason why I gave my 2 cents on caps lol

@Jess - I see ok. Well I went to read on Cappy moons. Wasn't exactly the greatest read either 😢

I had to laugh at the random too. Good one! Elle and I have some experience on the Cap man. If a Cappy guy came today and promised heaven on earth for me, I wouldn't believe him a bit.


Can't blame the Scorp guy. From what I understood reading their communication to each other is Xin creating drama. You can be cool and just tell your Scorpio man what bothers you. You don't have to throw fits.

Good times I would love to spend with Gemini. They are great sports! But that is where it ends for me. I wouldn't trust with my deepest secret to a Gemini, because she would never get me.

What I can't comprehend is the Gemini woman, Scorp man coupling. And there are a number of them. I admire the free spirit and youthfulness of Gemini. The Scorp guy never gets fully understood by her. Perhaps her nonchalant ways can turn him into a puppy. He can be enchanted, but he can stay rebellious life long until his old age, because Gemini will never talk to his soul. I am certainly not hypocritical, but I am short-fused for bullies. So he can make an ass of himself and remain so. Eventually Gemini will be satisfied that his strong Scorp guy turned into a child, and she can look after him. The control will shift into her hands, although it will seem the Scorp guy has control.

It is sad to experience on these boards that women who claim to love their Scorpio man, call them assholes, shit heads, shit faces...and other names. I think the guy who tells you "don't hurt my feelings", deserves a better name.

Most interestingly, gemini ladies give each other advice on how to handle a Scorpio man by recommending to condemn and ignore him. It's funny because that alone shows, they absolutely have no clue how to handle the guy.

I must say though... and I should be more modest with my words...

When scorp loves, we love you much. Only when you lose us, do you realize how this shithead asshole wanted you happy.

but but but....

I also wanted to mention. Find out about his weekend family. Could he be married?

Posted by Xin
So it's ok for him to dish it out and I have to be a good girl and take it? FUCK NO.

Xin,

A "healthy" self-loving, self respecting girl leaves. THAT is the message of NO.

Not retaliation with same behavior. THAT is the message of acceptance of his shitty behavior.

Why do you stay?

@FUM

I don't think I called him anything during this post but he is rather unruly and impossible. Gemini's don't get you Scorpio's so the feeling is quite mutual. Still why is it ok for Scorpio to throw monumental tantrums yet I have to be "cool"?

Yes we aren't super deep in our cave of eternal suffering as we lament for our own souls which have been lost to unfair treatment and scorn of others. *Falls on floor being dramatic* (That's how I view Scorpio's sometimes)

I for one choose not to live like that (since I am feeling a little resentment or animosity towards us air signs, correct me if I am wrong). And where I am getting this from is directly from your comment about not trusting a Gem with your darkest secret.

I (Again correct me if I am wrong other Gem's) do not like to be confined or kept in that cave of yours. It's almost a total challenge to the armored arachnid. You know us Gem's come from a completely different world, yet you stalk and plan about how to take us down, the minute we retaliate....Uh oh what's this? Kitty has claws? And here comes the attitude and I will meet you half way.

And I didn't really lose him hes just confusing the living shit out of me but I will try another way to speak to him because I don't mind sharing my world with him and vice versa. I can come down to the cave for a stay and he can make a trip to my airy world. However it seems almost impossible when there are blocks there standing in your way.

@BGP - You're right. Something for me to think about right now.

that's why I don't understand Scorpio/Gemini coupling.

It's good that you wrote your heart out. I hope this will give you a perspective to evaluate your relation with him.

I hope it works out. To me it seems he cares for you. But I also don't like that you heard a ringer in the background, when he says he doesn't have a cellphone.

Perhaps you just need more time to getting to know each other on your practical day-to-day lives. Perhaps trust will come with time.

My personal opinion is just that I don't believe these two signs to be compatible, which I can gather also through your discussions. And regardless how much I will try explaining here, you will have your own stands, which is good, but it doesn't make a smooth relationship.

Actually I have no problem keeping a secret maybe that is somewhere else in my chart. Especially if that person really means a lot to me. I don't feel I have foot in mouth disease too I am rather quiet and I listen to people around me. I can be loud and boisterous and ridiculous but never in a situation that requires secrecy or discretion.

@Zip

Thank you for sticking up for us Gem's. Sometimes I feel that a lot of people misunderstand us just as much as we misunderstand Scorpios. That is why I am here on this board to try to get an in-depth view of the armored warriors.
We absolutely don't do things like others do, we have a completely different approach. When I do take time off from my Scorpio to evaluate the situation I come back to a raging animal. So that is my dilemma.

1. Step away from the situation = Scorpio rage, thinking I am cheating, etc.
2. Agree with Scorpio = Is told I shouldn't agree because it's being indifferent and doesn't like it.
3. Rage back = Super epic rage time fun with Scorpio

I agree with Zip. We absolutely LOVE anecdotes and quips. At least I do. Love it! However I don't share personal secrets.

Oh my god. Ok that is like....Wow that person has no tact. Why would you EVER talk about something like that at the dinner table. Maybe both your mother and this guy have some placements with foot in mouth syndrome because I at least have tact 🙂

Posted by ZipZapZoooom

Posted by Xin
@Zip

Thank you for sticking up for us Gem's. Sometimes I feel that a lot of people misunderstand us just as much as we misunderstand Scorpios. That is why I am here on this board to try to get an in-depth view of the armored warriors.
We absolutely don't do things like others do, we have a completely different approach. When I do take time off from my Scorpio to evaluate the situation I come back to a raging animal. So that is my dilemma.

Its not so much as not understanding than wanting to have control, Xin. I dont care if people misunderstand me, those who care enough, will understand. Those who dont, are the ones that we need lesser in our lives. Just by hearsay and a lot empty talk they've formed solid opinions against us... which we dont. Even if and when we know scorp is a hard pairing for us, we dont listen to none... we plod and plod and plod thru to find answers on our own, and somehow crave for that satisfaction that yes, I'm leading a happy life only coz of my hardwork and what I did and achieved (we're gluttons for naming everything ME ME ME ME - no wonder I love Donald Trump). While we go and question the source of our mental stress the scorp slinks away into its waterworld of emotions and literally dies of anguish and worry LOL.

1. Step away from the situation = Scorpio rage, thinking I am cheating, etc.
2. Agree with Scorpio = Is told I shouldn't agree because it's being indifferent and doesn't like it.
3. Rage back = Super epic rage time fun with Scorpio

Find a common ground between the both of you without you have to yielding too much or giving your self-respect a huge hit. I know it sounds tempting, but surely not required, you both will be left with something to nurture later on.

click to expand

What common ground? I can't win with different ways to approach it so I am out of options really. Either way he is going to be pissed off.

Posted by Xin
R1g0r - So why is that exactly? I mention that to him and it's like in one ear out the other.

course it is cos scorps won't openly admit to being hypocritical. i know i don't. i will keep secrets rather than be seen to be hypocrit although i know in my heart i am. thing is, i don't have personal rules but i do impose them on others and if they fuck up, i go straight into outraged mode. it's like my marriage. it ended finally cos of his cheating on me but the day i found out, i was actually a little relieved cos i had always thought it would be me that wound up cheating on him as i had done before we even got married...but i was relieved cos i could then walk away from it as the wounded party, lol. it sounds really trite in retrospect but actually, i was pretty devastated about him cheating even though i KNEW i had done worse things that he wasn't aware of.

and to be honest, i still pull the wronged woman card on my ex...did it today in fact. why? cos i can, even though i know it's completely out of order.

i don't know if this is necessarily a scorp thing anyway cos i blame my lack of conscience on the way i was brought up cos my 5 siblings are all exactly the same. one thing that is scorpionic though is the secrecy part and so you may never discover how much of a hypocrit your scorp partner can be.

@R1g0r

Wow thanks for being so honest. But this puts the fear in me about him. He is always after me questioning my loyalty yet I cannot to him. So now I have this idea in my head like wow what kind of horrible things does he do to me or has done? 😢

@xin: i have a gemini sister. the girl is totally insane and i do not understand her in the slightest but i absolutely know that there is not one bad bone in her body. she's done some pretty out there stuff...like fucking all my guy friends, lol...but i will always have her back cos i know she doesn't mean to fuck up all the time. it just seems like she is guided more emotionally than i am cos i'm quite cold and clinical (the virgo force is strong in this one) and although we are like chalk and cheese, i hate how others judge her by her actions or what comes out of her mouth sometimes cos i am one of the only ones who understands that they don't necessarily portray the person she is. she married another gem last year...that's kinda scarey don't you think?

🙂

Yeah I don't really have a bad bone in my body either. I do have expectations and I do not stand for bullshit but I am not a mean spirited person unless I am pushed or riled up. Two Gems? It could work. I dated a Gem for 4 years before. He was just too young so I count it as an immaturity thing, went our separate ways.

xin, i didn't mean to make you paranoid and so i'm sorry if i did. i'm just saying that the capacity is there for scorps to be able to almost live a secret life. that's why, if you have a tendancy to analyse things alot, you can be driven completely insane by us. it can be silly innocuous things. when i was pregnant, i wasn't sposed to eat this really gorgeous italian soft cheese (dolcelatte, omg NOM!!) but it was all i craved...the lengths i went to to cover up my sneaky morning baguette was so ridiculous my ex was convinced i was seeing someone else (despite being the size of a small planet, lol).

what i'm saying is that secrecy is more like a behaviour pattern with scorps and i spose its the kind of behaviour that apparently makes us 'mysterious'....i prefer 'sneaky' cos i think it's more accurate, lol.

Posted by ZipZapZoooom
No wonder gems needs to stay away from water signs to keep their sanity. Water sounds more than evil. Asshole pushy scorp men, wish I could kick that guy in the nuts for you Xin... and I hope you'd kick mine for me?

I will reverse this comment to "watersigns should stay away from air to keep sanity"

Xin -- you have to find out about his loyalty first. That is, at least to give yourself a peace of mind.

Secondly, although I find Gemini man very attractive and there is some sexy pull initially, later, through his actions, I get the feeling they like to play around and not to be taken seriously. However, Male Scorpio/Female Gemini seems to have a long-term outcome. Which I said before, surprises me, but there must be something, like the Gemini beeing a smart woman, very feminine, generally she is open to various interests, and that may stimulate the Scorp man's continued interest in her. The Scorp guy knows that Gemini woman likes to wear the pants. He doesn't mind, because he must find it amusing that she has her ways. But don't abuse his genoristy for letting you reign.

I don't break up with someone many times unless he would drive me crazy. I don't like losing my control. So that part is really not good.

Posted by ellessque

Posted by Xin
(since I am feeling a little resentment or animosity towards us air signs, correct me if I am wrong). And where I am getting this from is directly from your comment about not trusting a Gem with your darkest secret.

see, this is a classic example of "the lost in translation" between the gem and scorp.

did you read the thread on the misc board by domino? we were, in jest, talking about gems having mouth in foot disease at the most innappropriate times?

Remember the story I told about my mother having to tell everyone the humiliating story of getting stuck in the bathroom window because i was trying to sneak out of the house instead of finishing a chore she assigned me?

DG came in and explained my situation with my mother, saying she does that to make sure that anyone I introduce her to KNOWS that SHE knows ME best.....even though it makes me turn 10 shades of red?

That's why we wouldn't "trust" you with our darkest secrets. You don't do it maliciously or intentionally to hurt us, but you do scream them from the rooftops, just to stake a "claim" or "mark you territory". we see those things in a very different manner. almost polar opposite from you. what is spoken between me and another person, especially those that are called "secrets", should remain between you and I.

click to expand

I was laughing reading this, Elle 😄

I have a gemini mum too... and believe me.. as much as I love her, she gave me hardest of times too. Yes, all with the best of intentions, but to a point when she used to break my confidence. She spoke her mind regardless who was around.