What would you do if ..
What would you do if ..
someone kept insulting you in front of other people while wrapping it up as a joke, yet their main goal was to intimidate you?
Posted by TerramineLightvoidwhat if it's a family member and what they are saying is arguably borderline acceptable, given the fact that several other people laugh when they do it? (Yet not in your opinion as it's just plain rude and insulting).
If they're not someone I'm romantically interested in. Demand they stop and if they refuse then kick their ass.
Someone I'm falling for? Probably feel hurt.
Posted by Seraphlighti've done the private talk and this person knows it bothers me. it's malicious.
I would either just say it out directly in front of all with the deepest of sincerity ...or talk privately with them...again with the deepest of sincerity.
Posted by BuffaloBills28
It's happened to me. I get in their faces, and punk them. Talking is easy, when sh11t gets real you find out who really is who.
that has worked in the past but I've kinda no aggression these days and I don't want to give this person any energy.
i have fire though, a lot of it.
Posted by TerramineLightvoidso you basically disowned him? i have that down as one of my options. that time is getting close.Posted by clarePosted by TerramineLightvoidwhat if it's a family member and what they are saying is arguably borderline acceptable, given the fact that several other people laugh when they do it? (Yet not in your opinion as it's just plain rude and insulting).
If they're not someone I'm romantically interested in. Demand they stop and if they refuse then kick their ass.
Someone I'm falling for? Probably feel hurt.
First option. I had a brother that messed with me all the time. Didn't put up with it in the long run.
click to expand
family mean a lot to me, but this person is nasty and not only the way i mentioned in this thread. i just wonder if there can be a last resort, because it's not something i want to put up with indefinitely.
Posted by Seraphlightthank you & i've done all that.
I am sorry someone close to you is saying things that hurt you.
Would it perhaps help to try and see the relationship outside of the vacuum of this one situation. And work on your relationship as a whole?
Sweeten this person up a little. While not letting the bad talk get at you...just sort of say something dipsy ...then do something nice ...to try and improve your relationship. Understand why they do what they do...are they upset in life? Help them?
If that doesn't work ...tell them it's unacceptable ...then ignore.
Posted by Vageenkathis is what i'm a millimeter away from. it's kind of worrying. i don't think i'm going to do that, though.
I have a rule.
Shade me once or twice I'm cool, shade me the third time and I'm coming for your scalp.
Embarrass her back and destroy her verbally.
Posted by BuffaloBills28thanks, that's comforting. not the reality but just to hear someone say it i guess. 🙂 if someone in real life was this protective of me, oh what a novel thing that would be.Posted by clareThese type of people are the biggest cowards. Once you address the situation, they back off. But you have to address. I would love to help you if I could, I'd beat up all her guy friends up for you. lol.Posted by BuffaloBills28
It's happened to me. I get in their faces, and punk them. Talking is easy, when sh11t gets real you find out who really is who.
that has worked in the past but I've kinda no aggression these days and I don't want to give this person any energy.
i have fire though, a lot of it.
click to expand
Posted by BuffaloBills28female. always a female. ughhh.Posted by clareIs it a female who's hurting you or a guy?Posted by BuffaloBills28thanks, that's comforting. not the reality but just to hear someone say it i guess. 🙂 if someone in real life was this protective of me, oh what a novel thing that would be.Posted by clareThese type of people are the biggest cowards. Once you address the situation, they back off. But you have to address. I would love to help you if I could, I'd beat up all her guy friends up for you. lol.Posted by BuffaloBills28
It's happened to me. I get in their faces, and punk them. Talking is easy, when sh11t gets real you find out who really is who.
that has worked in the past but I've kinda no aggression these days and I don't want to give this person any energy.
i have fire though, a lot of it.
click to expand
i'm not sure exactly, but i know what i need to do. it will feel cruel, but it will also be kind and eye opening. i'm not happy about it but she's asked for it for long enough and i'm on a bloody forum asking for advice about it ffs. this is my cue if ever i needed one LOL.
thank you loads, you seem like a caring person.
thank you loads, you seem like a caring person.
Posted by Vageenkai know, i've given way too much. i know that's the problem, probably having too much empathy. but i'm not going to let myself fall and be this bothered by it, there's no way on this earth.Posted by clarePosted by Vageenkathis is what i'm a millimeter away from. it's kind of worrying. i don't think i'm going to do that, though.
I have a rule.
Shade me once or twice I'm cool, shade me the third time and I'm coming for your scalp.
Embarrass her back and destroy her verbally.
You really should. She won't stop until you do. Weak people like to pick on passive people but as soon as the "passive" person puts their foot down their weakness is exposed.click to expand
Posted by PootyButtyou're thinking the same things i am.Posted by clareDevelop a response that lets other people know you see the insult and are too above it to sink to that level. Practice it and then use it the next time it happens. Don't insult back. You'll look petty and weak.Posted by Seraphlighti've done the private talk and this person knows it bothers me. it's malicious.
I would either just say it out directly in front of all with the deepest of sincerity ...or talk privately with them...again with the deepest of sincerity.
click to expand
thanks to everyone who responded, this helped enormously. 😄
Posted by -elle-i know what you're saying and you are partially right, but it's a circle .. a toing a froing .. a loophole that she is taking advantage of. i mean, it's my responsibility to stop that ultimately and it starts and ends within me. i know this. but this is the phase of growth i am going through.Posted by clareHow do you know that's theor main goal?
someone kept insulting you in front of other people while wrapping it up as a joke, yet their main goal was to intimidate you?
Sounds like an assumption....or projection....because you *are* intimidated by their behaviour.
click to expand
i have figured it out gradually over the course of around 5 years. lol, i know how long that is.
Posted by PootyButtyeah i know. strengthen myself etc .. it's tough because it's a massive vulnerability i have that she played on. an insecurity due to a disadvantage.Posted by clareIf she's putting you down in front of other people, she could be trying to make herself look good to them because she sees you as someone to "defeat" in other people's eyes. Either way, acknowledging the insult but not allowing it to damage you would be the best way to stop it.Posted by -elle-i know what you're saying and you are partially right, but it's a circle .. a toing a froing .. a loophole that she is taking advantage of. i mean, it's my responsibility to stop that ultimately and it starts and ends within me. i know this. but this is the phase of growth i am going through.Posted by clareHow do you know that's theor main goal?
someone kept insulting you in front of other people while wrapping it up as a joke, yet their main goal was to intimidate you?
Sounds like an assumption....or projection....because you *are* intimidated by their behaviour.
click to expand
Posted by -elle-thank you! 🙂 🙂Posted by clareWell, you are ahead of most just by acknowledging that.Posted by -elle-i know what you're saying and you are partially right, but it's a circle .. a toing a froing .. a loophole that she is taking advantage of. i mean, it's my responsibility to stop that ultimately and it starts and ends within me. i know this. but this is the phase of growth i am going through.Posted by clareHow do you know that's theor main goal?
someone kept insulting you in front of other people while wrapping it up as a joke, yet their main goal was to intimidate you?
Sounds like an assumption....or projection....because you *are* intimidated by their behaviour.
Keep your power. Know your worth 🙂
click to expand
Posted by clareDo you have any idea why shes coming after you like that?Posted by Seraphlighti've done the private talk and this person knows it bothers me. it's malicious.
I would either just say it out directly in front of all with the deepest of sincerity ...or talk privately with them...again with the deepest of sincerity.
click to expand
Posted by TerramineLightvoidI had the same and I just walked away - too much stress and drama for me and I didn't want to hurt them so I just stayed away because I don't need that around me in my lifePosted by clarePosted by TerramineLightvoidwhat if it's a family member and what they are saying is arguably borderline acceptable, given the fact that several other people laugh when they do it? (Yet not in your opinion as it's just plain rude and insulting).
If they're not someone I'm romantically interested in. Demand they stop and if they refuse then kick their ass.
Someone I'm falling for? Probably feel hurt.
First option. I had a brother that messed with me all the time. Didn't put up with it in the long run.
click to expand
so you basically disowned him? i have that down as one of my options. that time is getting close.
family mean a lot to me, but this person is nasty and not only the way i mentioned in this thread. i just wonder if there can be a last resort, because it's not something i want to put up with indefinitely.
there is no last resort - because you don't want to bash their head in ... you deserve to not be around that person and then that person will find another target for sure -
Dish it back. Watch them shrink. It's awesome to watch like handling a heckler but I'm trying to move beyond that ego trip. However if they're asking for it and shoot first get them in the gut.
Posted by clareshe's a bully and is insecure herself but trying to play her game isn't going to work because you don't know how to play that game cause that is not you - just get away and stay strong and reach your goals and make her envious - and my best advice is to read up on this topic - I lived with a mentally imbalanced mother therefore a dysfunctional family with bullying all my childhood and made it through very strong - I was the black sheep of the family and I turned out to make it further in life than the rest of them - and I read so much over the years - never stop learning about these things because it does help you!Posted by -elle-thank you! 🙂 🙂Posted by clareWell, you are ahead of most just by acknowledging that.Posted by -elle-i know what you're saying and you are partially right, but it's a circle .. a toing a froing .. a loophole that she is taking advantage of. i mean, it's my responsibility to stop that ultimately and it starts and ends within me. i know this. but this is the phase of growth i am going through.Posted by clareHow do you know that's theor main goal?
someone kept insulting you in front of other people while wrapping it up as a joke, yet their main goal was to intimidate you?
Sounds like an assumption....or projection....because you *are* intimidated by their behaviour.
Keep your power. Know your worth 🙂
click to expand
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/5-ways-cope-family-bullies/
Posted by clare
someone kept insulting you in front of other people while wrapping it up as a joke, yet their main goal was to intimidate you?
Tell them, in the nicest way possible to quit it, as I find them insulting not funny.
That would be the only warning they got after that I would just rip into them.
Posted by clareIf that's the case, cut them off, if you can and stay away from them as best you can.Posted by Seraphlightthank you & i've done all that.
I am sorry someone close to you is saying things that hurt you.
Would it perhaps help to try and see the relationship outside of the vacuum of this one situation. And work on your relationship as a whole?
Sweeten this person up a little. While not letting the bad talk get at you...just sort of say something dipsy ...then do something nice ...to try and improve your relationship. Understand why they do what they do...are they upset in life? Help them?
If that doesn't work ...tell them it's unacceptable ...then ignore.
click to expand
Posted by tctathank you so much, i'll have a read of this later.Posted by clareshe's a bully and is insecure herself but trying to play her game isn't going to work because you don't know how to play that game cause that is not you - just get away and stay strong and reach your goals and make her envious - and my best advice is to read up on this topic - I lived with a mentally imbalanced mother therefore a dysfunctional family with bullying all my childhood and made it through very strong - I was the black sheep of the family and I turned out to make it further in life than the rest of them - and I read so much over the years - never stop learning about these things because it does help you!Posted by -elle-thank you! 🙂 🙂Posted by clareWell, you are ahead of most just by acknowledging that.Posted by -elle-i know what you're saying and you are partially right, but it's a circle .. a toing a froing .. a loophole that she is taking advantage of. i mean, it's my responsibility to stop that ultimately and it starts and ends within me. i know this. but this is the phase of growth i am going through.Posted by clareHow do you know that's theor main goal?
someone kept insulting you in front of other people while wrapping it up as a joke, yet their main goal was to intimidate you?
Sounds like an assumption....or projection....because you *are* intimidated by their behaviour.
Keep your power. Know your worth 🙂
http://tinybuddha.com/blog/5-ways-cope-family-bullies/
click to expand
Posted by MadMarchRami can't decide whether i'm going to give her everything in my mind, including that she has one last chance before i cut her off or just cut her off. because i can't envision her changing and the peace of mind i would feel would be bliss.Posted by clare
someone kept insulting you in front of other people while wrapping it up as a joke, yet their main goal was to intimidate you?
Tell them, in the nicest way possible to quit it, as I find them insulting not funny.
That would be the only warning they got after that I would just rip into them.
click to expand
also, if i do give her a chance, do i have empathy and do it when we're alone or do i wait until next time, which will obviously be around people. then after that might she become worse and more underhanded over time because of it.. things to consider.
Posted by femmei think it might be jealousy and insecurity, as much as i hate to say. but the most ridiculous thing is that i feel bad about it. i do want to aim high and if someone else is having a hard time generally, especially someone close to me, i actually feel guilty about it and about what i have. this is something i realised a couple of years ago and have been trying to get it out of my system. at the same time i'm insecure enough myself to let this bother me, so i have myself in a catch 22. i just need to break through this glass dome i have myself in and fly, because i'm outgrowing it fast and it's frustrating.Posted by clareDo you have any idea why shes coming after you like that?Posted by Seraphlighti've done the private talk and this person knows it bothers me. it's malicious.
I would either just say it out directly in front of all with the deepest of sincerity ...or talk privately with them...again with the deepest of sincerity.
click to expand
Oh this is family. If she does it again in front of others just stand there then ask "What's YOUR deal?" Say nothing else. Let the others see what a twat she is being then walk away.
Posted by clareI had exactly this done to me several years ago by an ex-boyfriend. He would take things that I told him in private, and say them to other people in front of me, but would wrap it up as a joke.
someone kept insulting you in front of other people while wrapping it up as a joke, yet their main goal was to intimidate you?
Other people laughed their head off. And he looked at me like he was so f**king clever!
I was totally shocked and embarrassed! And hurt! I felt my face go red!
So when I responded to my (then) boyfriend and the others that it's not funny, I was then accused by Both boyfriend and other people that I can't take a joke!
So I confronted him him private how hurtful it was. He continued to say that I can't take a joke and also continued doing it!
This is one of many reasons why he's an ex.
I recommend doing it back. Take something that the person in question doesn't like hearing and wrap it up as a joke and see how they like it.
BUT don't do it the way I did it. I did it straight after my boyfriend did it to me. I just looked stupid and childish.
Wait a while. Then do it. Then explain in private why you did it - to make the person feel as they make you feel.
Then you can say 'from now on, neither of us will do this again.'
Posted by pooface222i have an ex from a long time ago who did this too.Posted by clareI had exactly this done to me several years ago by an ex-boyfriend. He would take things that I told him in private, and say them to other people in front of me, but would wrap it up as a joke.
someone kept insulting you in front of other people while wrapping it up as a joke, yet their main goal was to intimidate you?
Other people laughed their head off. And he looked at me like he was so f**king clever!
I was totally shocked and embarrassed! And hurt! I felt my face go red!
So when I responded to my (then) boyfriend and the others that it's not funny, I was then accused by Both boyfriend and other people that I can't take a joke!
So I confronted him him private how hurtful it was. He continued to say that I can't take a joke and also continued doing it!
This is one of many reasons why he's an ex.
I recommend doing it back. Take something that the person in question doesn't like hearing and wrap it up as a joke and see how they like it.
BUT don't do it the way I did it. I did it straight after my boyfriend did it to me. I just looked stupid and childish.
Wait a while. Then do it. Then explain in private why you did it - to make the person feel as they make you feel.
Then you can say 'from now on, neither of us will do this again.'click to expand
take all your insults wrapped up as jokes and, umm, go away? LOL.
Posted by clareYea you'll run yourself ragged trying to take responsibility for other people's actions and bad behaviors. I'm learning not to do that myself.Posted by femmei think it might be jealousy and insecurity, as much as i hate to say. but the most ridiculous thing is that i feel bad about it. i do want to aim high and if someone else is having a hard time generally, especially someone close to me, i actually feel guilty about it and about what i have. this is something i realised a couple of years ago and have been trying to get it out of my system. at the same time i'm insecure enough myself to let this bother me, so i have myself in a catch 22. i just need to break through this glass dome i have myself in and fly, because i'm outgrowing it fast and it's frustrating.Posted by clareDo you have any idea why shes coming after you like that?Posted by Seraphlighti've done the private talk and this person knows it bothers me. it's malicious.
I would either just say it out directly in front of all with the deepest of sincerity ...or talk privately with them...again with the deepest of sincerity.
click to expand
In the meantime, can you limit interactions with this person? You're a scorp right? Utilize that infamous ice out 😄
Posted by clareAs you've already said in your other post, you have told her to stop. So, in that instance, where it hasn't stopped, after the "chat", I'd cut her off.Posted by MadMarchRami can't decide whether i'm going to give her everything in my mind, including that she has one last chance before i cut her off or just cut her off. because i can't envision her changing and the peace of mind i would feel would be bliss.Posted by clare
someone kept insulting you in front of other people while wrapping it up as a joke, yet their main goal was to intimidate you?
Tell them, in the nicest way possible to quit it, as I find them insulting not funny.
That would be the only warning they got after that I would just rip into them.
also, if i do give her a chance, do i have empathy and do it when we're alone or do i wait until next time, which will obviously be around people. then after that might she become worse and more underhanded over time because of it.. things to consider.
click to expand
Simple.
Posted by femmei know! feel much better about it anyway after writing about it the other day. maybe i just needed to get it out of my head and talk about it.Posted by clareYea you'll run yourself ragged trying to take responsibility for other people's actions and bad behaviors. I'm learning not to do that myself.Posted by femmei think it might be jealousy and insecurity, as much as i hate to say. but the most ridiculous thing is that i feel bad about it. i do want to aim high and if someone else is having a hard time generally, especially someone close to me, i actually feel guilty about it and about what i have. this is something i realised a couple of years ago and have been trying to get it out of my system. at the same time i'm insecure enough myself to let this bother me, so i have myself in a catch 22. i just need to break through this glass dome i have myself in and fly, because i'm outgrowing it fast and it's frustrating.Posted by clareDo you have any idea why shes coming after you like that?Posted by Seraphlighti've done the private talk and this person knows it bothers me. it's malicious.
I would either just say it out directly in front of all with the deepest of sincerity ...or talk privately with them...again with the deepest of sincerity.
In the meantime, can you limit interactions with this person? You're a scorp right? Utilize that infamous ice out 😄
click to expand
limit interactions, tick. ice out, tick. but no, i'm a cancerian. hmm, all seems certainly doable. 😄
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