@Laurita
8 Years
He said
How to Handle Disappearing in Dating
When someone disappears after a date, it may indicate hesitation or uncertainty. Clear communication about your feelings and boundaries helps prevent misunderstandings. If you wish for consistent contact, express that gently but firmly. Respecting boundaries while being honest about your needs can foster healthier interactions and reduce miscommunication.
I mean, a week with no contact...I love clarity, like when silence speaks VOLUMES!
If you're friends, a week of no contact is not unusual.
He said he is busy. Just do your own thing, stop waiting by the phone and before you know it, he will reach out.
Or he won't and by that time it won't matter.
When I was in the friend stage, it wouldnt be unusual not to hear from my taurus friend for a week, two weeks, longest we went was a month. Sometime he contacted me, sometimes I contacted him. We were friends.
Yeah, thanks Jeane! I've been over thinking, and it's not that I'm so bothered..I just need to adjust my frequency to get in tune with his 🙂
Like you say, he might reach out/he might stay gone.
Posted by Laurita
Yeah, thanks Jeane! I've been over thinking, and it's not that I'm so bothered..I just need to adjust my frequency to get in tune with his 🙂Like you say, he might reach out/he might stay gone.
Friends... ok ?
We're friends..with benefits.
Posted by Laurita
We're friends..with benefits.
And there it is...
Posted by Laurita
We're friends..with benefits.
Ah, that's a little different. Are you a friend with benefits with the feels?
But it took 6 months to get there in my defence! It wasn't immediate.
Posted by Laurita
He's busy, and that he hasn't had time to think about dating. It was fine, nobody pushed the other, we respected boundaries, I suggested we should be friends and leave it at that.Then he wanted to see me, and it was great, we learned a bit more about the other. "Text me later" he said as I left. Which he never responded to! If I don't reach out, does he see that as disinterest/abandonment/a game? I'm prepared to wait for contact, but if/when it comes round..I would like to know how to effectively communicate that it's not okay to disappear. He's so sensitive it usually ends up with harsh words (from him).
Is he Taurean?
🤗 cyber hugs!
Love,
Eva
Posted by Laurita
We're friends..with benefits.And there it is...
click to expand
Yep! When he gets the "ITCH" she will hear from him and guess what?! Yep! You guessed it!
🤗 cyber hugs!
Love,
Eva
PS: My intuition is spot on!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by Laurita
But it took 6 months to get there in my defence! It wasn't immediate.
I have a feeling that may be worse.
Posted by Laurita
But it took 6 months to get there in my defence! It wasn't immediate.I have a feeling that may be worse.
click to expand
yeah I can see that
Worse? What do you mean?!
Posted by Laurita
Worse? What do you mean?!
I think she means that wow - you had 6 months ish as friends to get to know each other and then have sex and sometimes knowing someone for a longer period of time builds up more feels ... hopefully @jeane will answer you - she's always good at putting things in words (perspective)
I'm virgo/libra cusp. I soooo have feels 😢 And he knows because I told him.
Posted by Laurita
Worse? What do you mean?!
I mean he had 6 months to "assess" you and the situation and he decided fwb. And like shadowcat said, they compartmentalise.
At 6 months this guy should be all over you. You would see that famous bull charge. That you haven't and he's given you the I'm-not-into-dating line doesn't bode well in my opinion.
There's no room for the feels in fwb. You only end up hurting yourself when reality fails to meet expectations.
He did charge at one point but I felt it was purely sexually motivated so I kept saying no. As a result he turned pretty harsh and then didn't talk to me the whole of May. Then he came back and I still said no. Then in August, finally he suguested a date, we ended back at his place. By then I wanted him sooo bad! But then for 3 weeks I had nothing from him. So I asked him if he wanted to meet up and do something good together and that's when he started all the being busy conversation.
So I said let's just be friends, it's not the right time, it's out of my hands but the next day he text day to see me. I said that I didn't want a lover or crumbs of somebody's time but I went overy to his place to say it in person. He was fine with it..it wasn't awkward at all.
Posted by Laurita
He did charge at one point but I felt it was purely sexually motivated so I kept saying no. As a result he turned pretty harsh and then didn't talk to me the whole of May. Then he came back and I still said no. Then in August, finally he suguested a date, we ended back at his place. By then I wanted him sooo bad! But then for 3 weeks I had nothing from him. So I asked him if he wanted to meet up and do something good together and that's when he started all the being busy conversation.So I said let's just be friends, it's not the right time, it's out of my hands but the next day he text day to see me. I said that I didn't want a lover or crumbs of somebody's time but I went overy to his place to say it in person. He was fine with it..it wasn't awkward at all.
he sounds immature and/or something else is up
you best stand your ground and not give him anything until this is all figured out because it has gone too far now - he will be expecting you to just be there for his needs whenever he feels like it - - - - nah ~ !
Posted by Laurita
He did charge at one point but I felt it was purely sexually motivated so I kept saying no. As a result he turned pretty harsh and then didn't talk to me the whole of May. Then he came back and I still said no. Then in August, finally he suguested a date, we ended back at his place. By then I wanted him sooo bad! But then for 3 weeks I had nothing from him. So I asked him if he wanted to meet up and do something good together and that's when he started all the being busy conversation.So I said let's just be friends, it's not the right time, it's out of my hands but the next day he text day to see me. I said that I didn't want a lover or crumbs of somebody's time but I went overy to his place to say it in person. He was fine with it..it wasn't awkward at all.
So you slept with him after the first date. Your actions didn't match your words. How long were you fwbs for?
Are you just friends now without the benefits? Added to the difficulties is now you have feelings that he is aware of but he has checked out. He might think that you are a game player.
Jesus, I wish I could help you. I have no idea how you should get out of this mess. Maybe a Taurus guy can shed some light.
Yeah, in my head im thinking like shiiiiit I really like this guy and he time we spend together is amazing. But, I've made my point about what my expectations are so I'll need to make sure I'm strong enough to stick to it. If that means not seeing him again then that's how it'll need to play out (sigh).
It seriously wasn't planned Jeane! I was mortified, I hadn't even shaved my legs! But it went like that. The whole afternoon/night he was all over me, not sleazy in any way but gently affectionate, always with his hands on me.
Now I just don't know, it's a messy can of worms.
He has aqua sun/Venus and Mars in Aries
I have a sag moon/Venus in virgo
Posted by Laurita
He has aqua sun/Venus and Mars in AriesI have a sag moon/Venus in virgo
Aqua sun or moon?
And can Taurus have aqua venus?
Posted by Laurita
It seriously wasn't planned Jeane! I was mortified, I hadn't even shaved my legs! But it went like that. The whole afternoon/night he was all over me, not sleazy in any way but gently affectionate, always with his hands on me.Now I just don't know, it's a messy can of worms.
Yeah, I get it. I'm not judging you, you just didn't do yourself any favours.
How long have you been fwbs?
Taurus sun/aqua moon
Only twice so I'm thinking it can be saved—!!
Posted by Laurita
Only twice so I'm thinking it can be saved—!!
Possibly. If you can be strong and be true to your word no matter how enticing he is.
And they can be very persuasive!! Mine regulary wears me down. You have to have very clear and very immovable boundaries if you want to prise this back. It will take a bit of time though. Are you prepared wait?
Yes!!! I'll wait forever (shhh, that's between us, he'll never know he has that power)! Saying that, some sign of life would be nice now and again. I sent two messages, neither responded to and there will NOT be a third.
Posted by Laurita
Yes!!! I'll wait forever (shhh, that's between us, he'll never know he has that power)! Saying that, some sign of life would be nice now and again. I sent two messages, neither responded to and there will NOT be a third.
Good to have good faith in the potential. Just prepared to walk away if he starts taking the piss.
In the early stages of my own relationship, my partner had different ideas about what he wanted the relationship to be like. I ended it. Be a woman of your word and know what you will and won't put up with.
I want him, 100% no games, no crap, to be together.
Concrete and long lasting. He knows, and probably looking at this now, thinks like maybe has me in a place where we can continue to FWB. I'm doing as much as I can when he's MIA. That's why if he ever comes back I'll need to make sure it's to do things together in public!
Maybe there's somebody else?
Yeah, that's totally my plan.
Posted by Laurita
I want him, 100% no games, no crap, to be together.
You should be real with him then. No games.
Tell him straight up that you are NOT looking for fwb and are looking for a long term relationship (do this face to face). However prepare for disappointment as he already told you...
Posted by Laurita
He's busy, and that he hasn't had time to think about dating.click to expand
DO NOT CONTINUE TO FUCK HIM.
Also give him a mental time limit for how long you are willing to wait for him to 'have time to think about dating'. After that month or so is up you NEED to start dating other people again. Maybe that'll light a fire under his ass....
I'll give it until this months end, I won't be reaching out though. I miss his presence and his company, the sex was just a bonus.
Posted by Laurita
Yes!!! I'll wait forever (shhh, that's between us, he'll never know he has that power)! Saying that, some sign of life would be nice now and again. I sent two messages, neither responded to and there will NOT be a third.
Are you really?
Don't wait for him... right now he's nowhere to be found and you still wanna waste your time on someone who hasn't even had the decency of responding a simple text? or even had the balls to clarify if he wants to be with you or not.
Don't waste your time girl, maybe he's not interested and you are closing the door for someone who is willing to give you all the love you deserve.I'm not saying that he's not for you, all that I'm saying is that we shouldn't wait for anybody, life is some damn short to spend it waiting on someone to react, drop the expectations and time will tell.
I wouldn't put my life on hold! But earlier in the year when he was gone and I was seeing other people, it was always him that was on my mind. I had to finish with a couple of lovely guys who tried to give me what (on paper) every woman wants, their time, attention etc. But I just can't shake this one.
A friend of mine told me today that he's been seen active on a dating website so I just messaged him to say hey, I'm guessing we're not feeling the same way about each other right now. Message sent because he cut me off when I tried to call. I feel weird, like so light and so shiiiiiiit at the same time. Meh, i need some healing right now.
no, I've already posted our sun/moon signs 🙂
Posted by Laurita
He's busy, ... "Text me later"let me guess.
your romantic interest is an aquarius?
and you're a fire sign by any chance?
@saggurl88 might help
click to expand
You're an Aqua. Answer her lol.
Pulling me into this! 😆
I'm confused as to why it's on the Taurus board though? OP is a Virgo/Libra cusp and her guy is an Aqua. Where does the bull come in?
Pulling me into this! 😆
when do you ever sleep?
click to expand
Lol. I barely sleep. It's 4am here and I am tossing and turning so I figured I'd so some light reading 😄 I have to be up by 6
He's Taurus sun/Aqua moon
Pulling me into this! 😆
when do you ever sleep?
Lol. I barely sleep. It's 4am here and I am tossing and turning so I figured I'd so some light reading 😄 I have to be up by 6
no use going to bed, now too late for that
come join us we have coffee and bluntz
click to expand
I have a dentist appt today so I will try and get back to sleep. I've been waking up every 2 hours or so. I'm gonna be exhausted in the morning. 😢
So good morning and good night!
Posted by Laurita
He's Taurus sun/Aqua moon
Awwww ok. Then maybe @saweetz1988 can help cause those are her placements and she's a sweetie pie.
Pulling me into this! 😆
when do you ever sleep?
Lol. I barely sleep. It's 4am here and I am tossing and turning so I figured I'd so some light reading 😄 I have to be up by 6
no use going to bed, now too late for that
come join us we have coffee and bluntz
I have a dentist appt today so I will try and get back to sleep. I've been waking up every 2 hours or so. I'm gonna be exhausted in the morning. 😢
So good morning and good night!
dont go gentle into that goodnight
rage rage rage
against the dying of the light etcetc etc
ok so ure seeing the dentist im seeing the dermatologist - tomorrow yet they woke me up at 8 today to remind me of my appt like i ever forget
like this shit hasnt been on my mind for months
click to expand
Well good luck to you. I'm getting 1 tooth pulled cause it broke in half ( luckily in the back of my mouth and not my front) and the other filled cause of a cavity.
Let your dermatologist do his magic! 😉
Posted by Laurita
He's Taurus sun/Aqua moonAwwww ok. Then maybe @saweetz1988 can help cause those are her placements and she's a sweetie pie.
nooo, sawats 1898998 can only help when aquarius is involved cuz her chart is half air and shes almost an aqua herself
click to expand
Well at least she will be glad to hear that she's practically an Aqua! Lol
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He's busy, and that he hasn't had time to think about dating. It was fine, nobody pushed the other, we respected boundaries, I suggested we should be friends and leave it at that.
Then he wanted to see me, and it was great, we learned a bit more about the other. "Text me later" he said as I left. Which he never responded to! If I don't reach out, does he see that as disinterest/abandonment/a game? I'm prepared to wait for contact, but if/when it comes round..I would like to know how to effectively communicate that it's not okay to disappear. He's so sensitive it usually ends up with harsh words (from him).