Do male virgo's ever stop criticizing someone

You are on page out of 2 | Reverse Order
Profile picture of houstonpeach74
houstonpeach74
@houstonpeach74
19 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 6936 · Topics: 267
So far, I don't see it as criticizing. I think it's all about the delivery of how he gives advice or suggestions. I see small ways his mind is always evaluating things and while he isn't experienced in everything known to man, he is more than willing to share his insight on things he knows well (or thinks he knows well).

I do agree though...if he didn't care, he wouldn't offer up his advice, suggestions, or even critique. Some might see it as a negative trait, but if it's handled in a way that the other person can deal with it, then why not learn from each other?
Profile picture of P-Angel
P-Angel
@P-Angel
20 Years25,000+ PostsPisces

Comments: 0 · Posts: 44084 · Topics: 685
Posted by gemini64

or is it a long term, ingrained behavior?

Do they intentionally save this only for those they care about/like/love or is anyone fair game?







You word these ^^^ questions on grounds in which you've already determined that Virgos are inherently critical .... when in reality, it's YOUR fault if you are existing within terms that aren't to your satisfaction.

Classic case of denial going on .... you give a diagnosis to him, so that you don't have to face the real fact here = you aren't directing your life according to your own wishes.

That's YOUR fault, dude .. not his or anyone elses.
Profile picture of gemini64
gemini64
@gemini64
15 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 4 · Posts: 1112 · Topics: 21
Posted by P-Angel

How you are being treated is your responsibility, considering it is your duty to teach a person how to treat you.

My Virgo husband of over 31 years doesn't criticize me.

check yourself



it's a little hard when you don't see the person often. being married to someone is far different. you see them daily.

and trust me, i have stated it several times. that is why i asked if this was a long term condition rather than
something that can be controlled through behavior modification.

Profile picture of gemini64
gemini64
@gemini64
15 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 4 · Posts: 1112 · Topics: 21
Posted by LilyTree
My Virguy once said, "There has to be trust, Lily. When you trust someone, things don't have to be said in the way you like." This was after he criticized me during a moment at the start of our relationship. At the time, I didn't understand what he meant. But then I grew to understand that his heart was always in the right place. Like HoustonPeach said, he was sharing his perspective and insight based on his own experiences and observations. He never let me think he was an expert on anything. This honesty made me feel that I could genuinely trust him, and there's no better way to feel safe and secure with someone than when you know that will have your back by "keepin' it real", as it were. The only time he got a bit snippity with his criticisms was when he was feeling vulnerable or insecure about something. I noticed that he did that as a defense mechanism to test me. I never pointed it out to him, though. I just reflected on why it was he needed reassuring on, and reassured him.

It was kind of like, "go ahead and have the last candy! You never give me the last candy because that is reserved for people you love!" Me, figuring out that he needs reassurance that I love him, "You know, you're adorable when you pout." *pops candy in mouth with a smirk then gives him a kiss* That way he knows I love him AND he gets some sugar. That's a hypothetical, of course...



Thank you LilyTree for taking the time to reply with a thorough and honest post. I garnered some great points from it; it was helpful.

How refreshing someone on this site can actually be considerate and empathetic.

You have a great 2014 LT!
Profile picture of gemini64
gemini64
@gemini64
15 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 4 · Posts: 1112 · Topics: 21
Posted by Damnata
^defensive much?

You told us about you virgo male friend and his criticism plenty of times, and got advice about it.

No need to get personal, although that's what geminis excel at so..do your thing I guess.



1. How would you know what virgo male I was actually referring about? You don't. And no, it's not the same one. So you were wrong.

2. Got advice? Advice as yours? Yea, that's so helpful, thanks very little.

3. No need to get personal, that's what gems excel at. And Virgo's as yourself are so considerate about other peoples feelings.....

4. Again, thanks for allowing me to "do my thing"....How generous of you.

Have a great day!

Profile picture of TaurusBull1977
TaurusBull1977
@TaurusBull1977
16 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 4771 · Topics: 30
@Gemini64...

You're beating a dead horse...

Posted by gemini64


Virgo men nitpick you to death; generally not with the intent to hurt you but make you better. The hard part is seeing them for this premise. What even makes it harder is that when you turn around and say anything critical of them, they go into deep melt down.



You had the response(s) to your question many moons ago.

He dished it. You dished it back.
It appears as if you're just as sensitive as he is to criticisms.
You two should have lunch.

Profile picture of justagirl
SelenaKyle
@justagirl
12 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 6657 · Posts: 25221 · Topics: 77
Posted by gemini64
Posted by LilyTree
My Virguy once said, "There has to be trust, Lily. When you trust someone, things don't have to be said in the way you like." This was after he criticized me during a moment at the start of our relationship. At the time, I didn't understand what he meant. But then I grew to understand that his heart was always in the right place. Like HoustonPeach said, he was sharing his perspective and insight based on his own experiences and observations. He never let me think he was an expert on anything. This honesty made me feel that I could genuinely trust him, and there's no better way to feel safe and secure with someone than when you know that will have your back by "keepin' it real", as it were. The only time he got a bit snippity with his criticisms was when he was feeling vulnerable or insecure about something. I noticed that he did that as a defense mechanism to test me. I never pointed it out to him, though. I just reflected on why it was he needed reassuring on, and reassured him.

It was kind of like, "go ahead and have the last candy! You never give me the last candy because that is reserved for people you love!" Me, figuring out that he needs reassurance that I love him, "You know, you're adorable when you pout." *pops candy in mouth with a smirk then gives him a kiss* That way he knows I love him AND he gets some sugar. That's a hypothetical, of course...



Thank you LilyTree for taking the time to reply with a thorough and honest post. I garnered some great points from it; it was helpful.

How refreshing someone on this site can actually be considerate and empathetic.

You have a great 2014 LT!
click to expand




In other words "She told me what I wanted to hear."

Not being rude- just keeping it real 😉
Profile picture of TaurusBull1977
TaurusBull1977
@TaurusBull1977
16 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 4771 · Topics: 30
Posted by Andalusia
No no. This is a brand new issue and question...



I beg to differ....

Posted by gemini64
or is it a long term, ingrained behavior?

Do they intentionally save this only for those they care about/like/love or is anyone fair game?


Posted by gemini64


Virgo men nitpick you to death; generally not with the intent to hurt you but make you better. The hard part is seeing them for this premise. What even makes it harder is that when you turn around and say anything critical of them, they go into deep melt down.

click to expand




Profile picture of Andalusia
Andalusia
@Andalusia
11 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 372 · Posts: 6468 · Topics: 165
? From another thread you commented on three days ago...

Posted by gemini64
I'm gemini sun and leo moon. I'm extremely loyal with my friends and family. I've been married for 15 years to an awesome scorpio man.
I will go to the nth degree to help you, comfort you, and be there when you need me.

The only time I cut someone loose is when they play mind games as passive - aggressive and treat me with a total lack of respect. I can forgive but
if you can't rise above the petty nonsense of games etc. , I'm moving on. Too old to deal with that crap anymore. Had this happen in the past year with someone I truly loved and admired as a mentor. However, he played the passive -aggressive stuff and refused to acknowledge my marriage. If you intentionally disrespect my marriage, you intentionally disrespect me; and good bye.

Aging isn't always fun, however, it does teach you many things. One is that throughout the years, you know who are your true friends and your true family.
And more isn't always better. Quality for me outweighs quantity every time.

Profile picture of justagirl
SelenaKyle
@justagirl
12 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 6657 · Posts: 25221 · Topics: 77
Posted by Andalusia
? From another thread you commented on three days ago...

Posted by gemini64
I'm gemini sun and leo moon. I'm extremely loyal with my friends and family. I've been married for 15 years to an awesome scorpio man.
I will go to the nth degree to help you, comfort you, and be there when you need me.

The only time I cut someone loose is when they play mind games as passive - aggressive and treat me with a total lack of respect. I can forgive but
if you can't rise above the petty nonsense of games etc. , I'm moving on. Too old to deal with that crap anymore. Had this happen in the past year with someone I truly loved and admired as a mentor. However, he played the passive -aggressive stuff and refused to acknowledge my marriage. If you intentionally disrespect my marriage, you intentionally disrespect me; and good bye.

Aging isn't always fun, however, it does teach you many things. One is that throughout the years, you know who are your true friends and your true family.
And more isn't always better. Quality for me outweighs quantity every time.

click to expand




/DEAD! Well played, well played!
Profile picture of Onephatkittykatt
Onephatkittykatt
@Onephatkittykatt
12 YearsGemini

Comments: 2 · Posts: 139 · Topics: 8
Posted by P-Angel
Posted by gemini64

or is it a long term, ingrained behavior?

Do they intentionally save this only for those they care about/like/love or is anyone fair game?







You word these ^^^ questions on grounds in which you've already determined that Virgos are inherently critical .... when in reality, it's YOUR fault if you are existing within terms that aren't to your satisfaction.

Classic case of denial going on .... you give a diagnosis to him, so that you don't have to face the real fact here = you aren't directing your life according to your own wishes.

That's YOUR fault, dude .. not his or anyone elses.
click to expand




+1
Profile picture of virgodog58
virgodog58
@virgodog58
13 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 2 · Posts: 1266 · Topics: 237
My Sag ex (and the mother of our child - who is also a Sag) told me a while ago that she used to love me but that she stopped loving me because I criticised too much. I think we Virgos criticise mostly when we are feeling insecure which yes can be often, but certain signs such as Cancers and Tauruses understand this and are good at dealing with it. Some other signs perhaps do not have the patience/ maturity to deal with it and so can bring out our worst side.
Profile picture of Cajunspirit
Cajunspirit
@Cajunspirit
17 Years1,000+ PostsVirgo

Comments: 3 · Posts: 4208 · Topics: 163
Posted by virgodog58
My Sag ex (and the mother of our child - who is also a Sag) told me a while ago that she used to love me but that she stopped loving me because I criticised too much. I think we Virgos criticise mostly when we are feeling insecure which yes can be often, but certain signs such as Cancers and Tauruses understand this and are good at dealing with it. Some other signs perhaps do not have the patience/ maturity to deal with it and so can bring out our worst side.



What I don't get is what people expect us to do, when they are opaquely doing stupid/counter intuitive/ relationship testing things?

Are we supposed to just roll over and chuckle about it?

It is also laughable when Saggies are the biggest hypocrites of them all. They want you to be 100% faithful, committed, trusting and behaved while they go about galavanting and entertaining others behind your back.
Profile picture of Cajunspirit
Cajunspirit
@Cajunspirit
17 Years1,000+ PostsVirgo

Comments: 3 · Posts: 4208 · Topics: 163
Posted by LilyTree
"
Regarding the "testing" you speak of, can you give me an example? I once read that people often test each other subconsciously.



Going out and telling me about it after.
Going out and not telling me about it.
Going out with someone who we all know has a crush on you to a public place.
Going over by someone who we all know has a crush on you's home.
Keeping your phone on silent and complaining I don't call, after I have grown tired of you not answering.
Getting caught spending time with your exes, when I have not set such a precedent.
Taking my words out of context and creating your own masochistic fantasy.
Expecting me to do A,B,C yet never make it aware you want me to do A,B,C.

I have come to the conclusion women not only want to be lied to, they thrive on it to meet their emotional security. An honest and logical man is not prone to tell you what you want to hear, only what he can do within his means and limited to reality.

That's why so many end up with men that promise them the world and fail to deliver. The temporary thrill spurs them on and on, into the cold wall of reality.
Profile picture of virgoking
virgoking
@virgoking
16 Years1,000+ PostsVirgo

Comments: 0 · Posts: 2929 · Topics: 207
Posted by Cajunspirit
Posted by LilyTree
"
Regarding the "testing" you speak of, can you give me an example? I once read that people often test each other subconsciously.



Going out and telling me about it after.
Going out and not telling me about it.
Going out with someone who we all know has a crush on you to a public place.
Going over by someone who we all know has a crush on you's home.
Keeping your phone on silent and complaining I don't call, after I have grown tired of you not answering.
Getting caught spending time with your exes, when I have not set such a precedent.
Taking my words out of context and creating your own masochistic fantasy.
Expecting me to do A,B,C yet never make it aware you want me to do A,B,C.

I have come to the conclusion women not only want to be lied to, they thrive on it to meet their emotional security. An honest and logical man is not prone to tell you what you want to hear, only what he can do within his means and limited to reality.

That's why so many end up with men that promise them the world and fail to deliver. The temporary thrill spurs them on and on, into the cold wall of reality.
click to expand


It true we live in the age of ratchet hoes you got to do what you got to do real talk.
Profile picture of Cajunspirit
Cajunspirit
@Cajunspirit
17 Years1,000+ PostsVirgo

Comments: 3 · Posts: 4208 · Topics: 163
Posted by virgoking

I'm good but its true you have to lie trust me I tried it. Your life runs smother with when you lie sad but true.



You tell them the truth, and they twist it to what they want to believe. No matter how much you explain or how you phrase it.

Posted by LilyTree

I'm not defending any of the above behavior, but may I ask: have you communicated to them that the above listed behavior bothers you? Yes, it would appear that that is common sense/courtesy not to engage in such behavior, but you know what they say about common sense these days. Also, often times, people fail to clearly and directly declare what it is he/she wants from her/his partner.
click to expand




This was based on my last relationship with a Sag.
I was singing the "you have to communicate" song from day 1.

Honey what do you wanna do? idk
Honey where do you wanna go? idk
Honey what you wanna eat? idk
Honey what do you value in life? ....
Honey this is bothering me, why do you do it? Can we not talk about this now/here
What should we do today? You decide, you pick, be the man, lead

I cooked, I took her out, I spent the money, I resolved the problems, I outstretched myself, I forgave things she would not, I set the example, I always told the truth.

She rarely touched a thing in the kitchen, complained about everything, spent a fraction of what I did, ran away every time there was a problem, kept her problems to herself, flipped out and physically attacked me when she was "hurt", did whatever she wanted and always kept secrets.

She leaves me for another man who has deep pockets. Everything was my fault, I did'nt listen to her, I didn't love her enough, she got tired of the routine in the relationship, she did'nt believe she could be herself around me.

Profile picture of Cajunspirit
Cajunspirit
@Cajunspirit
17 Years1,000+ PostsVirgo

Comments: 3 · Posts: 4208 · Topics: 163
1) Either the person doesn't want to come off as demanding
2) The person feels their wants are so minuscule that surely they can overlook them because they love their partner and should accept their partner, and to point out such simple details may make her/him come off as petty
3) (s)he thinks that the partner should just KNOW because they're in love and love means you can read minds
4) (s)he just never thinks to tell the partner and it doesn't ever cross their mind that when they leave the toothpaste cap off it leaves an emotional scar

I don't know how old you are, but I often feel I don't fit in with my age group. When I took a psychological test and was told that mentally I'm a decade older than my actual age, it all made sense. There is an art to being in a rel



She was (3) but I believe it was like, not love. Most women fall victim to this.
This new age too much pride and or lack of problem resolving skills makes it worse.

My age is right under my name, 25.

I don't fit in period. The way I think, the knowledge I have gained and how I operate are just far and beyond the norm.

Profile picture of Cajunspirit
Cajunspirit
@Cajunspirit
17 Years1,000+ PostsVirgo

Comments: 3 · Posts: 4208 · Topics: 163
Posted by LilyTree
May I ask why you tolerated such behavior? Did you love her?



You answered the question.

I don't know if it's an Aries specific thing or what, but my girlfriends used to tease that I was like a man in that I got much more joy out of being the one giving gifts rather than receiving them. Unless we're married, or unless it's a rare special occasion, I don't believe a man should pay for anything; dating couples of x number of years should go Dutch.



I don't mind footing the majority of the bill, but if you're going to complain and complain, not offer any suggestions to improve the situation or do anything about it. What's the point?

I am guilty of what you speak of; only I don't think I twisted what he said, I just was stubborn and adamant about being positive while he was the logical and realistic one. If he voiced a concern, I would then talk about the positive side.



Nothing wrong with that, circumstance was simply against you.

But I do not prefer to be lied to. It's important that he was honest with me, and I very much appreciate that.
click to expand




That's what I love about Aries people.
I realise I just can't court a liar.
Profile picture of Cajunspirit
Cajunspirit
@Cajunspirit
17 Years1,000+ PostsVirgo

Comments: 3 · Posts: 4208 · Topics: 163
Posted by LilyTree

Relationships are WORK. But it seems that some people just want the rewards without the responsibilities.

I feel that people don't communicate well. The irony is that with all the social networks, people are less socially adapted than ever. And, yes, critical thinking skills is becoming a lost art. I have my shortcomings, too.

There is good in the world, and there are good people.



Yes
Yes
and YES

You understand and I laud you for it.
Profile picture of justagirl
SelenaKyle
@justagirl
12 Years25,000+ Posts

Comments: 6657 · Posts: 25221 · Topics: 77
Women are not all the same, just like all men are not the same. Sounds like you got worked over bad with your sag. That is unfortunate to have someone do that to another person, especially if they aren't even aware that they are doing it.

Sadly I think a lot has to do with the generation like a few mentioned already. There are major entitlement issues in play and relationships aren't treated the same as they used to be. It should be 100/100 give and take from BOTH parties. I don't expect my partner to do it all, but I also am from an older generation.

I also realize even in love you can't read minds- communication is so underrated by the younger generation- yes we are in "lovvvve" so of course he/she should already know what I want. Sorry it does NOT work that way. I blame Disney and media- they bash it into young girls heads that if you are x,y,z then the man of your dreams is going to come sweep you off your feet and know everything about you.

It's sad really.
Profile picture of TaurusBull1977
TaurusBull1977
@TaurusBull1977
16 Years1,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 4771 · Topics: 30
@CajunSpirit---

Sounds like incompatibility issues. The both of you are mutable signs, and maybe somehow convinced that the problems in the relationship could be worked on.

You may not admit it, but my gut instinct tells me you were just as unhappy in that relationship...

The only difference?

The Sag did something about it.

Is that what's really bothering you?

That you stayed and compromised for the sake of the relationship...

...And she did not?
Profile picture of P-Angel
P-Angel
@P-Angel
20 Years25,000+ PostsPisces

Comments: 0 · Posts: 44084 · Topics: 685

It's more than just television, and media .... it's taught by the single parent, usually mother.


Here's a single mom, who dates but can't seem to find a good man. Over the years men come and go ...

As the men go .... child watches his/her mother fight, hurt, resent

Man is now gone .... child listens as mother makes excuses for everything wrong she did.

New man comes .... child watches as mother makes the same mistakes because she never addressed her faults with all the other failed relationships.


voila .... another fucked up person lives what they learned
Profile picture of Cajunspirit
Cajunspirit
@Cajunspirit
17 Years1,000+ PostsVirgo

Comments: 3 · Posts: 4208 · Topics: 163
Posted by CluelessCancer

Its the AGE Group, young women have all the POWER in the world. As soon as they hit 27-28 that power is NIL, it's gone, then the MEN have all the POWER. Unfortunately by then the MEN are so bitter that they treat any women they come across horribly....and paint all women the same.

you have to understand young women have dick thrown to them from all angles, whereas MEN get it LATER on---late 20's EARLY 30s..it's your time.



This is a sound argument, by which I seem to be part of the cycle.

Thing is, even though I know better and do better and show other people, they won't believe me. They have to burn to learn. It makes me question their understanding of life and appreciation for honesty.

Posted by CluelessCancer
CajunSpirit even though your 25 you are way more MATURE then my X Virgo. I could just tell from your words. You are way more honest it seems.
click to expand




I have only heard rumours of your experience, if there is a post you made detailing the situation and could be bothered, kindly share it with me.

I generally don't see the point in lying, when I do I find it isn't worth it.
Profile picture of houstonpeach74
houstonpeach74
@houstonpeach74
19 Years5,000+ Posts

Comments: 0 · Posts: 6936 · Topics: 267
Posted by justagirl
Women are not all the same, just like all men are not the same. Sounds like you got worked over bad with your sag. That is unfortunate to have someone do that to another person, especially if they aren't even aware that they are doing it.

Sadly I think a lot has to do with the generation like a few mentioned already. There are major entitlement issues in play and relationships aren't treated the same as they used to be. It should be 100/100 give and take from BOTH parties. I don't expect my partner to do it all, but I also am from an older generation.

I also realize even in love you can't read minds- communication is so underrated by the younger generation- yes we are in "lovvvve" so of course he/she should already know what I want. Sorry it does NOT work that way. I blame Disney and media- they bash it into young girls heads that if you are x,y,z then the man of your dreams is going to come sweep you off your feet and know everything about you.

It's sad really.




DXP needs a "like" button as in Facebook.
Profile picture of Cajunspirit
Cajunspirit
@Cajunspirit
17 Years1,000+ PostsVirgo

Comments: 3 · Posts: 4208 · Topics: 163
Posted by TaurusBull1977
@CajunSpirit---

Sounds like incompatibility issues. The both of you are mutable signs, and maybe somehow convinced that the problems in the relationship could be worked on.

You may not admit it, but my gut instinct tells me you were just as unhappy in that relationship...

The only difference?

The Sag did something about it.

Is that what's really bothering you?

That you stayed and compromised for the sake of the relationship...

...And she did not?



I was happy in the relationship. When I was unhappy, I tried to talk about it but the reciprocation and problem solving was one sided, from me.

So I exhausted my problem solving technique. First you observe, then you point out, then you discuss, then you quarrel, then you complain, then you do it back to them because clearly talking doesn't work.

I think that's what broke her. I saw the mistakes, talked about them, quarreled about them, complained about them, showed the hypocrisy, explained the problems it caused yet still the problem was repeated. So I did what she did countless times to me despite my protests and she could'nt handle it.

In addition to the lack of compromise, it was the fact she did not ever try to fix anything. I caught her red handed when I was helping her with her phone and a text came in "I want you more". I could see the drifting and when confronted, she lied through her teeth. She broke up with me and I went to see her the next day, it's the same guy dropping her home and when confronted, she lies again.

When you love someone, compromise for them, break your rules, believe their lies and can't even get an apology, you are where I am. Petty compared to what others go through, but seeing as I have not put so much effort into anything else, it has been a sobering experience. I am bitter.
First
Previous
Next
Last