@PiscesLeoAquarius
17 Years
Do virgos have problems with emotions?
Do Virgos Have Problems with Emotions
Virgos tend to be practical and reserved with their emotions, which can sometimes make them seem distant or unresponsive. Their focus on logic and detail may lead to difficulty expressing or processing strong feelings openly, but they do care deeply. Their emotional responses vary individually and are influenced by personal experiences and circumstances.
That's quite a sobering bit of information to pass along. Perhaps he's absorbing it. Poking it with a stick a bit to deal with it a bit in future. Or not at all. Bad news should not be given with an expectancy for someone to open up over it. We all have our own ways of processing.
VB -yeah you are right about the fact that I shouldn't expect a response, I never thought of it that way.
I guess I just felt like we were friends.
Six months before his cat died and I counselled him through that for two weeks straight cause he was devastated. So I thought we could discuss these things, but he just ignored this. I was really traumatised over the death of my other friend and thought he would at least acknowledge it.
I think it's also cause he died in such an horrific way I wanted someone to acknowledge that it was bad.
I understand. I do. As friends you want to share every aspect and when someone walls a part of self up and away it stings. Sometimes though it's nothing to do with any of that, it's simply what someone else is going through. Perhaps when he's ready he'll bring it all to the table and you can share the memories and so on. Then again he might not. Grief is so subjective and painful. Sudden passing due to violence or an immediate condition or repercussions of such doubly so. I am truly sorry for the loss of your friend.
VB - thank you so much, you're so nice and empathetic. X
You're very welcome. **big ol' warm hugs**
Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius
I am a pisces with a virgo friend. My other friend (a pisces too) who the virgo doesn't know was murdered earlier in 2011 and when I told the virgo by email (since he lives overseas) he never responded.We speak by email every single day, but when I told him that he didn't respond, didn't ask how I was, didn't say that it was bad. It's been a while since this happened and I still find it upsetting and disturbing that he couldn't so much as respond to me about that. Yet the next day he emailed me about something unrelated. He's never once in the history of our friendship not answered an email before this.
Sorry about your friend- that really sucks.
Thank you tryandguess xx I guess that's all I wanted from my friend, was for him to say that our friendship was worth him acknowledging the death of my friend.
Cancer Moon - thank you for your advice. I really appreciate your help. 🙂 X
You are right, he didn't know my Pisces friend, so he wasn't grieving himself. Still, I thought he would acknowledge it. The next day he forwarded me a silly email about a man who ate too many hamburgers which upset me.
It was a while ago this happened - about six months, so I'm worried that too much time has passed for me to say something now. Do you all think it would be weird if I asked him now why he didn't respond or care what happened or would that make me seem needy? This is not a romantic-interest friend at all, strictly platonic. The thing is that if some stranger on the street came up to me and told me they lost someone I would say something or acknowledge it, but he didn't do anything.
In the months since, about three times, I have referenced by friend who died in the hope that he would have a chance to maybe say - I'm sorry about that, or that was terrible what happened, but he never did, I said things like - this reminds me of when X was killed or X would have liked this etc.
I don't want to see to everyone like I am emotionally needy, I just find it a bit disturbing that someone could not care or acknowledge the death of another person who meant something to a friend of theirs.
Oh hell yeah!
You wrote about this same thing in here on May 23, 2010 ... then you were upset because he didn't support you.
Seven months later and you're still carrying this emotional baggage?
I told you back then, and I will tell you again .... he didn't know this person, it wasn't his personal loss. Just because you felt bad about your friend dying doesn't mean he is obligated to feel bad about it also. he's not your boyfriend, and he has no duty in carrying your feelings for you.
Seriously .... 7 months and you are still hanging on to something so immature?
P-Angel - It wasn't 2010, it was 2011. I don't think it's immature to hang onto the pain or the situations surrounding a close friend being murdered. Most people hang onto that pain for a lifetime.
It doesn't matter if it's his personal loss or not. Also I don't think he's obligated to feel bad about it, I wonder why he doesn't have the human decency to acknowledge it. Those are two different things.
Also I am not upset that he didn't support me, I'm upset that he didn't acknowledge what I said. Again two different things.
Condolence, PLA... There are people who do have weird reactions to some stuff we say. I guess he just doesn't want to talk about something that's saddening/depressing. The best thing to do here is to ask him why (but not through e-mails or text-messaging) but up close and personal. However, you have to study what's the best way to ask him this question so as not to make him feel awkward or induce the two of you to fight over this thing. He could probably tell you the reason why. There are really some people who avoid conversing about sad things and this friend of yours may just be one of them. Maybe he just feels awkward whenever you tell him that your friend has died (that's why he avoids talking about your friend). The kind of loss you have right now is very personal and this is something that your friend is probably trying to avoid.
Anyhow, I wish you luck in trying to decipher this little mystery.
Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius
P-Angel - It wasn't 2010, it was 2011. I don't think it's immature to hang onto the pain or the situations surrounding a close friend being murdered. Most people hang onto that pain for a lifetime.It doesn't matter if it's his personal loss or not. Also I don't think he's obligated to feel bad about it, I wonder why he doesn't have the human decency to acknowledge it. Those are two different things.
Also I am not upset that he didn't support me, I'm upset that he didn't acknowledge what I said. Again two different things.
2011, right, my bad.
It does matter if it's his personal loss or not .. we went through this before, and then you hid your posts.
It is NOT normal for people to hang onto pain for a lifetime.
Here's the situation as you've described it: A friend of yours died. The Virgo is another friend of yours. You told the Virgo about your other friend dying and he blew it off because he has to personal emotional investment in this other friend of yours. He continued to talk to you and respond to you, but, never expressed any kind of feelings about your friend dying. And this is the pain you are talking about.
He doesnt' HAVE to acknowledge anything that doesnt' affect his life ... seriously, Pisces, come to reality for once, will ya?
.... I wonder why he doesn't have the human decency to acknowledge it.
His decency, as a human isn't in question here .. yours is, however, if you would make ANOTHER THREAD ALMOST A YEAR LATER to STILL carryon about this friend of yours being a perfectly normal human being. You want him to talk to you about how much you are suffering inside, because you are so weak-willed that you cannot put this into a proper perspective .. and are disgruntled that he isn't carrying this emotional baggage for you.
He didn't even know the person who died ... what part of that don't you get?
Also I am not upset that he didn't support me, I'm upset that he didn't acknowledge what I said. Again two different things.
click to expand
It isn't two different things .. it's the same fucking thing. You want him to talk to you about the death of a friend of yours from almost a year ago .... that is for YOUR fucking benefit, which is support.
seriously .. you should talk to your family, or somebody .. because it is extremely ABNORMAL for a person to hang onto the feelings you have.
Posted by PiscesLeoAquarius
I think it's also cause he died in such an horrific way I wanted someone to acknowledge that it was bad.
Perhaps that ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ is the definitive issue here.
To say you put this on him to acknowledge because you want "someone" to acknowledge it, is implying that nobody did .. which also implies that you've got nobody to agree with you, which explains why you would be a cling-on to a person who acknowledges you.
Its said that Virgos arent comfy with dramatic displays of emotion that require a bit of romantisizm. He simply may have not replied because he didnt know how to and because you never mentioned it again he never felt obligated to revisit the subject. Maybe he wanted to say it face to face, but when you all did see one another you seemed to be in a better mood and he didnt want to spoil that. It isnt a virgo trait at all to dismiss the feelings of others, while they may shy away from huge displays for not knowing how to react or feeling that it is unneccessary, they arent zombies. They share their losses too, just not emotionally. If you noticed he spent a little more time than usual with you, gave a couple awkward hugs, that might have been his way of responding.
I won't reiterate what anyone else has said...all have made very good points, so that leads me to one question...
When are you going to talk to him about this?
For those who have apparent reading comprehension issues ......
... I told the virgo by email (since he lives overseas)
For those who jump to conclusions and make themselves look like asses...
@PLA, We have ALL comprehended that you told Virguy about your friend's death via email. Yes, we actually read that in your initial post.
What has been suggested/asked is that you speak to him/when are you planning on speaking to him about the hurt it's caused you because of his radio silence on the matter. LOL, it's too bad not everyone COMPREHENDED this but you seem like an intelligent girl, and as long as you understand, that's all that matters. DUH!
Firebunny - I think you're right about it being better in person, it's just hard since we live in different countries (used to live in the same country), so I might try on Skype or the phone now.
I really want to thank everyone for their advice, it's helped hugely.
Cancer Moon — you're very intuitive and caring. I think I will do what you have suggested — let him know what I have been feeling about this. I'm so sorry you also lost your friend. I send you a huge hug. It's a pretty terrible thing.
Sweetest Fatale — I think you're right that maybe virgos are a little more subtle. Perhaps if we lived closer it would have been easier to see how he felt.
VirgoVixxxen — thank you so much for your encouragement, I really appreciate it. I think I will speak to him when he gets back from the xmas/ny holidays mid January. I will let you all
know how it goes! I feel much better now.
P-Angel — I kind of feel like you want to catch people our or make them feel bad, why is that? It makes me sad.
VirgoVixxen, high five. lol I love how you shed light on the difference between "seeing" and "comprehension".
@PLA - You're welcome, and do it. If it's been bothering you for this long, then why do you continue to harbor it? It will not make you a bad person for talking to him about this. If he is truly your friend he will understand and have a damn good excuse as to why he didn't as so much render a simple "I'm sorry for your loss", or will hopefully give you some type of apology for not supporting you in the least and knowing that it's caused you to hurt. However, whether or not he gives you the response you may/may not be looking for, the most important thing here is that you get this off of your chest once and for all so that you can move forward. I find that sometimes this is all that we need for peace of mind--the opportunity to air a grievance.
Good luck, and keep us posted.
@Sweetest — Thanks, and seems like she's the only one with reading comprehension issues after all, lol. 😄
.... gave a couple awkward hugs, that might have been his way of responding.
She didnt mention whether or not she had seen him since the email....do we really have to overstate the obvious?
... I was in hospital last year and when I told him he ignored that email.
... When my friend died recently I wrote to the virgo and told
... He emailed me today a news story about ...
P-Angel, you've changed the topic, which is not whether or not I have seen him, it's whether or not it's strange that he didn't care that my friend died.
When we lived in the same country, we saw each other in person basically every single day for many years and even then he was more comfortable corresponding by email or text message.
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I am a pisces with a virgo friend. My other friend (a pisces too) who the virgo doesn't know was murdered earlier in 2011 and when I told the virgo by email (since he lives overseas) he never responded.
We speak by email every single day, but when I told him that he didn't respond, didn't ask how I was, didn't say that it was bad. It's been a while since this happened and I still find it upsetting and disturbing that he couldn't so much as respond to me about that. Yet the next day he emailed me about something unrelated. He's never once in the history of our friendship not answered an email before this.