Help! Virgo male Libra female

My libra gf broke up with me after 8 years saying that she felt that we didn't have any couple sparks anymore. This happened around November 2014. I'm 32 and she's 29.

We've been staying together for a long time and I thought that everything was going ok until she decided to bring up this topic. She said she needed space and eventually I moved out of the house to give her space.

Initially I was trying hard to win her back as I didn't want to let go of this relationship because we had a good thing going. No quarrels and no issues. We did kind of drifted apart when she started getting hooked on pc games.

Later on I found out that she's been seeing another guy (capricorn) while she was with me.It probably was during the last couple of months during our relationship. I was very heartbroken and decided to move on. Based on my character I would totally despise her and cut contact with her but somehow I still think about her everyday and there's still a part of me that wants her back even though she cheated on me.

I've been in contact with her sisters and they're on my side and totally can't understand what her sister is doing. My ex gf updated them that she misses me and finds that we're more compatible than she is with the capricorn guy but her heart is more with the guy currently. She still regrets her actions but I can't understand why she doesn't want to do anything about it.

My last message to her was to take care of herself and stay happy. Maybe somewhere in the future we can still be friends. I wasn't serious about the friends part as I only want her as my gf or nothing at all.

I'm so confused and would like some insight into what's going on in her mind. Logically, i should just move on but I just can't seem to 😢

My libra gf broke up with me after 8 years saying that she felt that we didn't have any couple sparks anymore. This happened around November 2014. I'm 32 and she's 29.

We've been staying together for a long time and I thought that everything was going ok until she decided to bring up this topic. She said she needed space and eventually I moved out of the house to give her space.

Initially I was trying hard to win her back as I didn't want to let go of this relationship because we had a good thing going. No quarrels and no issues. We did kind of drifted apart when she started getting hooked on pc games.

Later on I found out that she's been seeing another guy (capricorn) while she was with me.It probably was during the last couple of months during our relationship. I was very heartbroken and decided to move on. Based on my character I would totally despise her and cut contact with her but somehow I still think about her everyday and there's still a part of me that wants her back even though she cheated on me.

I've been in contact with her sisters and they're on my side and totally can't understand what her sister is doing. My ex gf updated them that she misses me and finds that we're more compatible than she is with the capricorn guy but her heart is more with the guy currently. She still regrets her actions but I can't understand why she doesn't want to do anything about it.

My last message to her was to take care of herself and stay happy. Maybe somewhere in the future we can still be friends. I wasn't serious about the friends part as I only want her as my gf or nothing at all.

I'm so confused and would like some insight into what's going on in her mind. Logically, i should just move on but I just can't seem to 😢

My libra gf broke up with me after 8 years saying that she felt that we didn't have any couple sparks anymore. This happened around November 2014. I'm 32 and she's 29.

We've been staying together for a long time and I thought that everything was going ok until she decided to bring up this topic. She said she needed space and eventually I moved out of the house to give her space.

Initially I was trying hard to win her back as I didn't want to let go of this relationship because we had a good thing going. No quarrels and no issues. We did kind of drifted apart when she started getting hooked on pc games.

Later on I found out that she's been seeing another guy (capricorn) while she was with me.It probably was during the last couple of months during our relationship. I was very heartbroken and decided to move on. Based on my character I would totally despise her and cut contact with her but somehow I still think about her everyday and there's still a part of me that wants her back even though she cheated on me.

I've been in contact with her sisters and they're on my side and totally can't understand what her sister is doing. My ex gf updated them that she misses me and finds that we're more compatible than she is with the capricorn guy but her heart is more with the guy currently. She still regrets her actions but I can't understand why she doesn't want to do anything about it.

My last message to her was to take care of herself and stay happy. Maybe somewhere in the future we can still be friends. I wasn't serious about the friends part as I only want her as my gf or nothing at all.

I'm so confused and would like some insight into what's going on in her mind. Logically, i should just move on but I just can't seem to

Is there any chance after 8years, she was perhaps seeking more than girlfriend status? ie. marriage?

We finally saved up to buy a house together. We didn't really talk about marriage other than her occasional jokes about when I was going to marry her but it didn't sound like she was serious at that time.

Sorry to hear that, cheating is really a no no for me. I am Libra female married to a Virgo male. We too do not really have quarrels and issues. So i can somewhat relate to that.

8 years is a really long time and I am sure you both had invested a lot (emotionally, financially, etc.) I think your ex gf felt there are no huge improvement in your relationship. Saving money to buy a house together is good, but i think she needs something more secure than that, like proposing to her maybe. Planning without action is really not motivating (Especially after long years). Joking around is maybe her way to let you know what she really wants. For me, i will not stay in a relationship that I think there is no progress. You both either be married or will break up.

Just my opinion, but still i dislike that she cheated on you rather than just tell you what is her problem from the beginning so you two can work it out. I hope you the best though, thren.

So you were 21 and 24 when you two first got together?

Do you realize how much people change from that point?

She's clearly in the wrong, but looking over what you've mentioned it leaves a lot of questions and kind of hints as to why she did what she did, even though the way she responded to those feelings was wrong. EIGHT years together and no marriage talk at all? You did the usual derpy guy thing and didn't pick up on her joking around?

Nevermind that two individuals can become very different from early 20s to late/early 30s. The brain has changed a bit, life goals can change, priorities change etc.

I mean really, can you blame her for not wanting to do anything to change her current situation when you really weren't taking much action to do anything about the situation between you two? Playing house together doesn't count when someone starts to take a look at life and realizing what they want to do about it. Why did you feel comfortable moving at that pace? Why DIDN'T you move beyond playing house together?

People want what they can't have.

If you indeed really wanted her, then you would have been paying attention when everything was falling apart.

It's typical for a Virgo to ignore any/all relationship work, so I'm not surprised that you had no clue that an issue was present in her with you. It is something you will likely face for the rest of your life .... this being in the darkness. It's all been there. It's called, "signs", or "signals" ... but, the typical Virgo will ignore all of it, because if they pay attention then they fear that they might have to actually step up to the plate and put effort into dealing with the emotional side of a relationship.

Talking about sides ... what game are you playing in that you've recruited her family in taking a side?


The only reason you want her is because she let go of the relationship. Had it been you leaving then you wouldn't have a second thought about her.


She isn't the issue here. You are. And the evidence to support my opinion is in the fact that she has been unhappy and you never noticed.

Thanks to all the comments and feedbacks.

I know my faults and mistakes that I've made over the course of the relationship after thinking about it for the past two months. Most of you have pointed out the exact same thing but it was just oblivious to me during the course of the relationship. I definitely know that it's not completely her fault and that I had a part to play in all of this.

My question is that if I still want her, do you think there's a chance of it happening or is it all over.

Hi P-Angel,

Thanks for your input.

I know what my faults are after thinking about everything for the past two months. It was just kind of hard for me to notice anything during the relationship and I don't blame her 100% for what happened because I know I definitely had a part to play in it to cause the relationship to turn out this way.

It's quite difficult to summarize the entire duration of the relationship so I'm not sure what you meant by me playing games to get her family on my side. Her family is just on my side based on everything that happened throughout the 8 years and also based on how I treated her. I don't mean to be defensive but I came on this forum to ask for advise as I do think about wanting her back not because she left me but because I truly value the relationship.

Do you think that I can still salvage the relationship if I make a move or is it all over and nothing can be done?

Posted by thren

.... she felt that we didn't have any couple sparks anymore.

.... I thought that everything was going ok until she decided to bring up this topic.

.... I didn't want to let go of this relationship because we had a good thing going. No quarrels and no issues.

There weren't any sparks ... and you were clueless to that. You're still clueless to it, considering the quote below is you stating that you believe she cheated on you. There's no awareness in you to tell you that you weren't even present with her, if you didn't know sparks were absent. Or more importantly ... you don't know that sparks are necessary.

In fact, you are SO unaware of this that until she brought the topic up, you had all the whole relationship rationalized.

Have you ever heard the term, "robot" when referring to Virgos? Here it is. I know Virgos get upset when they hear this. But, at some point, if you plan on being human, you're going to HAVE to acknowledge that it's YOUR fault that you can't keep a partner.

Other people, meaning non-Virgos, HAVE to HAVE you emotionally present in order to feel connected to you.

Posted by thren

.... there's still a part of me that wants her back even though she cheated on me.

click to expand

You don't know any of this. Even after she told you and then broke up with you. You STILL don't get it. If you got it, then you would listen.

Did you listen to her? You didn't even know anything was wrong, until she told you there's no spark. How the hell does any person with feelings not know that she isn't feeling spark?

Posted by thren

I know what my faults are ....

No, you don't and I just proved it.

Posted by thren

I've been in contact with her sisters and they're on my side and totally ....

Your game is obvious because you are keeping score. You are in the wrong with YOUR life. You're not partially wrong ... you are fully wrong.

It's your job to direct YOUR life. period.

If you're fucking up ... that YOUR fault. Your ex has nothing to do with you fucking up.

What is your fuck up? You were in a relationship that had NO couple sparks, and you thought everything was fine. That means, once you got her, you stopped participating in the emotional nuances of the relationship. Because IF you had been participating, then you would have known that there were no couple sparks.

Speaking of which, I assume couple sparks mean intimacy. Do you even know what it means to have intimacy? Because you didn't know it wasn't here.

And that is all YOUR fault. It's not to another person to provide to you what you aren't able to give.

Now, to the game .... a sister of hers has nothing to do with it, so the sister being on a side is irrelevant. So, that means the only reason to state this in the OP was for the intentions of being right. In fact, I doubt they even know the truth. If they knew that you weren't emotionally present enough in your relationship to realize that you weren't turning her on, and NOT even knowing that you weren't turning her on .. then the sisters would be singing a different tune.

But, that's neither here nor there ... because their views are irrelevant. You are merely using them as a tool for you to feel like you've gained a point in this game you are keeping score in.

Posted by thren

I don't mean to be defensive but I came on this forum to ask for advise as I do think about wanting her back not because she left me but because I truly value the relationship.

Do you think that I can still salvage the relationship if I make a move or is it all over and nothing can be done?

You value what you got out the relationship. If you valued what she got FROM you, then you would been present enough to have known was wasn't feeling you.

I know that you think I'm just being an ass ... but, I'm trying to tell you something valuable. I'm trying to tell you that you don't know what your faults are. You don't know that YOU fucked this up by being an emotional robot to her when she needed intimacy.

There's nothing to salvage ... you don't even know that because you have no idea what I'm even saying, do you? You just think I'm being an ass, and the point flew right over your head.

Some Virgos, like tmv, for example say things like, "why do we have to emote if we don't want to" ... and she says that because she has no clue why a person has to. If you don't know why .. then you're emotionally vacant. It's like asking ... why do I have to wear a seat belt?

And I'm not trying to be mean to you ... I'm trying to open your eyes, your mind.

Only the closed mind is certain.

You can't salvage this, or any relationship in the future ... until you fully realize that so long as you aren't aware of her (or any other future partner), then you were never giving her what she needed to feel special and wanted by you.

Virgos tend to conflate emotions with sex. She's not going to feel special just because your dick gets hard for her. You have to actually emotionally participate in the union.

And no ... you haven't figured that out over the past several months, so don't come back with that delusion again. If you really figured this out, then you'd be embarrassed and this thread wouldn't exist.

There is no such thing as "the way we were" ... once water is under the bridge, it will always damn back up there every time the same issue arises. And it will arise.

It will again because she has changed, you have changed ... the way it was doesn't exist, once change has taken place.

If you insist on being a robot and thinking your way through life, then at least be logical.

* omit n


dam

There is no one to get back Virgo dude..you cannot reach her emotionally. You might have at the beginning but at some point she did drift away and you didn't notice. In that moment in time, you were in the wrong because you failed to realize her need to be related to emotionally.

The advice P is giving you deals with patterns we have going on with people. It's not about the Libra, it's about you looking at yourself and understanding people need to be validated emotionally, need to be thought of as special, one of a kind for you within a partnership.

The whole "her family is on my side" part is only in place for you to feel not guilty. I'm sure you do feel guilty so the way you're going about this..you're only looking for people to agree with you as a means to rationalize this in a way where you were never at fault.

I do disagree with P on one account:

Posted by P-Angel
It's your job to direct YOUR life. period.

If you're fucking up ... that YOUR fault. Your ex has nothing to do with you fucking up.

^This also applies to the other partner. It was also the Libra's job to direct her life. If she was going unfulfilled she had a duty to herself to leave him. I don't think it took her 8 years to realize this guy is clueless about bonding emotionally so the moment she didn't see that coming from him, was the moment she should've left him. Staying around for 8 years and expecting change from someone who doesn't even see there is a problem = martyrdom.

Why would you want someone who was willing to throw away all that time for some random new dude?

I mean despite the retarded communication between you two, the chick ended up having no respect for your relationship and took it upon herself to cheat.

...why take that back? Who's to say she wouldn't do it again when she was unhappy with you being blond and her inability to speak up due to non confrontational Libran tendencies?

And sure, there may be a chance she'd come back when things go south with that guy, but that means she's running back because the dude she ditched you for didn't work out. You'd be an option at that point.

The thing with Libras is that as long as someone else is around when the current situation goes to crap, they just keep on farting along to the next person. Who knows how long she was unhappy for? I wouldn't be surprised if she'd made up her mind awhile ago and was waiting for someone like this guy to come along and be an excuse to leave. Some Libras cannot fathom being alone and will stay in a situation they dislike until they have another one to hop on over to. Being alone is scurry!!

She got bored and realized it would be another 8 years of prison if she stick with you ... The cap may have been used for the planned breakup which she has been thinking about years already... I usually dont like breakups when no one is fault so ild make my own reason for break up ( cowardly it may be but produces results i wanted)... Ild rather have the world hate me and feel sorry for the ex just to balance out the wrong ( thats why the cheating happened ) i made of not fulfilling the promise of forever.

Oh and please dont think of getting back together because she may love but in her mind she will think you will cheat evrn if you wont. I believe in the term an eye for an eye thats why no going back to someone i fucked up so they wont have any chance of fucking me up in return.

I think you should post this on the Libra board.

Posted by LeoVeen
You are sad dude. You're not to blame here. It's not your fault that she doesn't know how to communicate like an adult.

I think she wanted him to propose on his own initiative. That's what makes proposals special and heartfelt. He got too comfortable and self absorbed.

I am in agreement as well with the other posts. You are just hurting right now, and think you want her back.
Sad to say, 10 times out of 10, she's not coming back, and if she does, it will be temporary until the next high (dude) comes along. You've made it through the first 2 months, and even though it will be extremely hard, you just have to make up in your mind to keep it moving. There's no excuse to cheat, but again, like everyone else said, 8 years is a longtime to play house. Seems like you just missed all of the clues. 8 years is a longtime to be in a girlfriend or fiance' status.

Libra minded women seem to desire to feel special above all else.
They need to be set apart from the crowd.

Terrible match I would say, I don't think the average Virman is capable of giving them the emotional responses they need. They are also prone to cheating, drifting and pursuing passion. Air signs blow like the wind.

Relationships are not about who's right or wrong, but who's willing to work and compromise towards building a life together.

It's a shit match from hell that'll most likely fail. I wouldn't bother. My first wife is a Libra, and the marriage was a disappointment for both of us. We can't give each other what we need emotionally. I dig Air Signs as friends, debate partners, etc. - but the relationship has definite limits.