Pet question...

I'm having a hard time bonding with my new dog...well he isnt really new per se.

In 2006 me and my boyfriend got my pit bull. I picked him out and he was going to be my bf "over the road dog" . Well taking care of a puppy on the road turned out to be harder than he thought. So he started leaving him home with me. We instantly had that connection even though he was my bf dog. Around 2009...he brought home a puppy. Its actually our first dogs brother (they have the same mom..different dads). He was supposed to be my dog as the bf put it (even though both were our dogs). He was cute but I still loved my pit bull more. As he got older...I grew to love him of course but my bf actually ended up bonding more with him. So we had our dogs and it was great watching them play together etc. Then the worst day of my life happened...and so bf mom took in our second dog because I could not take care of two dogs by myself. I felt horrible for having to separate them on top of them losing their "daddy". I figured though that she would take excellent care of him...well for 4 yrs he basically been chained up outside...not neglected but still chained up. His whole world changed while our first dogs went on as normal as possible. Fast forward.. our first dog passed away recently....I was/still am completely devastated. He was my whole world..he helped me thru so much the last 4 yrs...I knew the day would come but it came too soon. People keep asking me if im going to get another dog...id tell them no...unless it was my second dog....but that probably wont happen because the bf mom and I just didnt get along...we were cordial to an extent but we just didnt care for each other...I figured if id ask her ...for spite shed say no (even though her health is declining and she really cant take care of him). I seriously thought about just stealing him in the middle of the night. So Friday night I get this random text...it was the bf mom..saying she was sorry to hear about my dog...she then asks me if I want my other dog (i was completely shocked). Without hesitation.. I was like when can I come get him. I picked him up yesterday

So now that I have the back story wall of text out of the way. I felt like it was the right thing to do...he would be with me, whats left of his family...then we got home and it just hit me. I look at him...and I feel nothing but a hole from my other dog. They are both completely opposites but he has some quirks that are way to similar and its killing me. ??I do love him still but its just idk.. we dont have that bond...granted its been only one day...I still cant help to feel the way I do about it. ??Ugh I feel horrible...here's this dog I once loved and worried about and Im regretting my decision. ??Of course I will still take care of him despite my feelings. ??Ive given him a bath, walked him, cuddled with him. ??I dont want him to go back to being chained up.??
??
Is this normal? ??Is this a subconscious thing...to many reminders of my former life? Anybody else with similar experiences? Or is it way too soon? (Of course no one will really know that)

Well the younger dog, dogs mirror the emotions of their owner. Plus dogs live first through their sense of smell so he can probably smell his old buddy around and maybe expect him to come back unless the smell of sickness is there. He will mourn because you are mourning but also will help you get over the change because dogs live in the moment more than people. Try to maybe accept his personality and give him a reason to respect you by being a good strong leader. To do this you must remember you can't change the past, only have control over now and your vision of what the future brings. Try to plan on imagining a bright, new future for both of you by maybe planning a trip you can take him on, or a new fun thing you two can do together. Think positively and now there are new horizons for you both. I recommend watching a documentary called "Buck". Buck is a film about a horse whisper/gentle trainer and it will help you understand your own pain and the way your pup thinks. It helped me. No worries. Your dog is grateful to have you and things will move along. Just accept him for being him. He is worth the love and effort and so are you.

"The past is history, the future's a mystery, and right now is a gift- that's why it's called 'the present'"
-Eleanor Roosevelt. Dogs don't live as long as humans, and sometimes life is short for humans too so I try to remember it could be worse and make the most out of today because no one is assured tomorrow will come. I try to remember good things happen when you least expect it and to be ready when they do. Usually they happen after I do the best I can do for myself. P.s. good for you for saving that dog from the chain. I thought chaining a dog up was illegal or something. It sounds like a horrible way to spend your life.

I feel sorry for the dog. The only thing he did wrong was being born second. And for that, he got chained up and forgotten for 4 years.

The only reason he is off the chain is because you can't handle your feelings for yourself .... him being off the chain has nothing to do with the fact that it's wrong to chain a dog for 4 years.

The best thing you could do for the dog is to find someone who actually cares about him, and give him to them .... because seriously, when you wondered if you could keep him, you referenced him being chained up again. So, if you don't keep him, you'll send him back to the chain.

I think it's despicable that you would dump your feelings onto an animal and then sentence that animal with a life on a chain.

You probably should be without a dog ... maybe forever.

I read this thread in the middle of the night and it horrified me to the point that I actually had a nightmare about it.

How could you do that to a dog, LIMM? to any animal?

If a person could so easily abuse an animal, then they should never be allowed to have one.

You don't see where you did wrong with this dog, do you?

I feel so sorry for it. Please put an ad in the paper, or somewhere, to find a person who would want to care for this dog and treat him right, LIMM.

Posted by LostinmyMind11
So now that I have the back story wall of text out of the way. I felt like it was the right thing to do...he would be with me, whats left of his family...then we got home and it just hit me. I look at him...and I feel nothing but a hole from my other dog. They are both completely opposites but he has some quirks that are way to similar and its killing me. ??I do love him still but its just idk.. we dont have that bond...granted its been only one day...I still cant help to feel the way I do about it. ??Ugh I feel horrible...here's this dog I once loved and worried about and Im regretting my decision. ??Of course I will still take care of him despite my feelings. ??Ive given him a bath, walked him, cuddled with him. ??I dont want him to go back to being chained up.??
??
Is this normal? ??Is this a subconscious thing...to many reminders of my former life? Anybody else with similar experiences? Or is it way too soon? (Of course no one will really know that)

The dog is a survivor in that being taken from a home where he roamed freely to being chained up for 4 years. You expect him to be warm and cuddly after that? Takes a lot of time, love and reassurance. He will always think this is going to happen to him again, in fact I'd bet my house if you shook a chain in his face he's run for cover.

Next time you have to get rid of a dog you can't take care of look up all the rescues in the area that will put effort into taking care of him or they will also try to place him in a loving home after the person who wants him is fully checked out and has the means to take proper care of him minus the neglect.

*he'd run for cover

I just found out about him being chained up...I had thought he had been inside dog all this time. Its not like I could visit him...me and her do not get along....therefor not allowed on her property. I didnt want him to have to be chained up anymore and so I took him in. There was no way I could afford two dogs living in a tiny apartment on my own...or I would have had both of them this whole time. I honestly thought I was doing right by him...he would be out in the country and be able to run around on a farm...not chained up like he was. Plus he knew the bf mom....this wasnt a stranger. So like I said I thought he was with a loving family and home.

I dont want to give him back to her...I was saying I dont want him to have to be chained up if I do find him another home...if she could do it, then anyone can and thats not fair to him. He needs constant love and attention...I cant give it to him because I have to work during the day, therefore its hard to work with him if Im not there majority of the time. I didnt not expect him to be all cuddly and perfect. I did what I thought was right and preventing a dog from living the rest of his life on a chain...I know how I am with animals and would never hurt or neglect them...I want to do what is best for him and I dont think that is going to be with me but it is for the time being. actually he isnt scared of anything..except being alone, which is understandable. Im skyping with him now...just to make sure hes doing ok while at work. Hes not...he starring at the door for the past 2 hrs, whining and howling...which I understand too. What kind of life is that for him?

You guys are acting like I just got him and then didnt want him for whatever reasoning...my bf DIED...we didnt just get him and then want to dump him...we both had every expectation to fully take care of them both...it broke my heart that I couldnt and I worried about him everyday.
The more I thought about it last night...the more I realized he reminds me of my bf and all those emotions came flooding to the surface again...it took me by surprise and overwhelmed me. Im entitled to feel how I feel and honestly you can say what you want...but I will say this, FUCK YOU BOTH in trying to make me feel worse than I already do! Very shitty thing

A person dying has absolutely nothing to do with the dog being chained for 4 years.

I fully understand that it was devastating to lose your bf, and a dog ... but, it doesn't have anything to do with the dog chained for 4 years.

Posted by LostinmyMind11

Of course I will still take care of him despite my feelings. Ive given him a bath, walked him, cuddled with him. I dont want him to go back to being chained up.

Above, you insinuate that there are two choices for the dog .. you or the chain.

I didn't see anything mentioned that if you can't keep the dog that you will find other arrangements. NOPE !! You said the above = you or the chain.

My feelings for the dog will supercede my feelings for you LIMM, because the dog is an innocent victim while you are a human with intelligence and reasoning. So, I understand being told to fuck off, because I didn't cater to your feelings, rather to the dogs best interest.

But, even still ..... you are still considering doing away with an innocent animal who according to you: "he brought home a puppy." and "As he got older" ... he was raised from pup to older by a man (your late bf) who actually loved him and supported him emotionally.

This dog still has done nothing to you. But, you can't get over your fucking self to give him a fair chance at being loved by you again, and cared for by you again ... you know, his mommy that was there for him during his raising.

I guess I'm just flabbergasted that this dog is being regarded as a disposable object.

You are the one who told us he was chained for 4 years, LIMM ... so, why would you then be offended that someone noticed that you said that and commented on it.

Furthermore, why would you even memorialize that this happened to him by even letting the outrage slip from your lips, much less nonchalantly?

Posted by LostinmyMind11

I just found out about him being chained up...I had thought he had been inside dog all this time.

And in your defense, you say above, as if it is justification .... when in reality, it makes you look worse.

If you, indeed, just found out that your bf's dog (you know, you're late boyfriend who LOVED the dog) ... if you just found out that something he loved was abused then your outrage right now should be about the dog.

It's not ... you just threw that in to lay a foundation to get to your point.

your point being .... you .. just you. There doesn't seem to be any upset from you in any way whatsoever about a horrifying demise of the dog YOUR BOYFRIEND FUCKING LOVED.

So, one of two things becomes the logical assumption:

1. you're lying about just finding out, since psychologically you show ZERO signs of any impassioned reactions from this "just found out" demise of the dog. You found your back against the wall, so decided to be beguiling.

OR

2. you did just find out, but, this 4 year event isn't important enough to you in consideration, because how you feel about (It) is a priority.


After all, everyone should have enough common sense to realize that ...

1. how a person (acts) is calculated, so it's necessarily how they feel
2. how a person REacts comes from how they actually feel, and it happens in the moment too fast to make a plan on how to act.

Posted by P-Angel

You found your back against the wall, so decided to be beguiling.

That word doesn't fit .... but, it doesn't matter because you know if you lied or not

2. you did just find out, but, this 4 year event isn't important enough to you in consideration, because how you feel about (It) is a priority.






Dammit, how frustrating it is when you're trying to make a point and this happens.

.... because you feel about (IT) is NOT a priority.

You do realize that.... I DID NOT KNOW ABOUT HIM BEING CHAINED UP UNTIL I WENT AND GOT HIM! and that is why I told you to fuck off, because you are trying to make it out like I physically put him on the chain and just abandoned him when that is further from the truth.

Just because I said "I dont want him to go back to being chained up" doesnt mean that I would take him back to her....metaphorically speaking, I dont want him to live that kinda of life. My bf wouldnt want me to take on everything like that..he would have told me to give him to his mom or dad and for me to take care of our first dog. I did what I though was best all the way around.

So how is that going to be fair for him...you say you have have the best interest for animals and werent catering to my feelings...so what about his feelings? What, by trying to shame me you think youre doing something great for him? Did you go and take him away from being chained up for the rest of his life? Oh let me guess, I'm the one that put him there, because I apparently can predict the future and knew it would happen. So honestly ...what have you contributed to his best interest? you think the rest of his life is going to be fine with me...someone who isnt home, who wont be able to give him what he needs? Right now, for 6 hrs, hes just been jumping back and forth, climbing the door, barking and howling because he is left alone....but thats the best interest for him, cause I cant get over myself to give him a fair chance?! Because...that kinda goes against the best interest of an animal...dont you think?

Posted by LostinmyMind11

Right now, for 6 hrs, hes just been jumping back and forth, climbing the door, barking and howling because he is left alone....

So, when you are called to the carpet for animal abuse, that's your argument?

You left him on a chain, and every person reading this realizes that by you saying in caps:

"You do realize that.... I DID NOT KNOW ABOUT HIM BEING CHAINED UP UNTIL I WENT AND GOT HIM!"



... validates that you didn't actually get what I implied, and so has proven by means of your subconscious reactions that I was right when I alluded that you are emotionally void here.

oh and btw ... yes, I would rescue your dog from his chain if I had known about it previous. no matter where you live. I am notorious for calling animal control, and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.

I don't a fuck who you are. I have turned in people I know. Every pet I have ever had (except one) was rescued from people who abused them. I have stolen, jumped fences, punched faces and have paid medical bills to rescue animals.

I trap feral cats to get them altered.

I jumped in my tractor and plowed a row of wheat down from a local farmer to throw it across the fence where he kept a starving horse.

So, don't come in here acting like a person should be at a lower state of being, by making the implication that they would be foolish to rescue your animal.

Posted by LostinmyMind11

Did you go and take him away from being chained up for the rest of his life?

wtf? you don't even realize how you minimize the importance of saving animals from abusers, do you?

It is about the dog...if I didnt care, I guess we wouldnt be having this discussion, right?!

She told me she would take good care of him and I flat out asked her if she was gonna keep him inside, since that is all hes known. She said she would and since it was her son's dog too, I really thought that would have happened. That is my fault for believing her. I told her off when she told me, and we got into it when I got there. She blamed it on her husband at the time...I said I didnt give a shit about what he said...its what you said. I took him and left.

My main concerns are not being able to bond with him, to figure out why I feel the way that I do and understanding it (that has nothing to do with him, thats me, and its perfectly understandable to have them and is this going to be right for him. Is he going to be happy living in an apt, basically alone, it isnt 4 years ago, were he had all of us...people know their dogs...I just dont think he will be happy.

Posted by P-Angel

oh and btw ... yes, I would rescue your dog from his chain if I had known about it previous. no matter where you live. I am notorious for calling animal control, and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.

I don't a fuck who you are. I have turned in people I know. Every pet I have ever had (except one) was rescued from people who abused them. I have stolen, jumped fences, punched faces and have paid medical bills to rescue animals.

I trap feral cats to get them altered.

I jumped in my tractor and plowed a row of wheat down from a local farmer to throw it across the fence where he kept a starving horse.

So, don't come in here acting like a person should be at a lower state of being, by making the implication that they would be foolish to rescue your animal.

Posted by LostinmyMind11

Did you go and take him away from being chained up for the rest of his life?

wtf? you don't even realize how you minimize the importance of saving animals from abusers, do you?

click to expand

Then lets meet P....you can take him and give him everything he needs, since Im such an animal abuser.

again GO FUCK YOURSELF for trying to play up that bs.

I feel so sorry for this dog.

He spent 4 years on a chain ... and then you throw him into this new environment, to leave him all day where he's howling and crying.


jfc, LIMM .... why don't you do right by this dog? what the fuck is the matter with you?

You didn't make this thread for the concern of the dog ... you made the thread to talk about you, and how you feel about your loss, and how are you going to cope with this dog who isn't the one you really loved by lost ...


It's just all about you .... meanwhile, here's this dog that just can't seem to have quality in his life due to you.

so, get the fuck off dxp and call spca, call a humane society where they don't euthanize animals ... he'd be better off because you can't seem to care enough about him.


Then don't get another animal. You're not a good animal owner.

Posted by LostinmyMind11

It is about the dog...if I didnt care, I guess we wouldnt be having this discussion, right?!

the only reason we are addressing the "care" of the dog is because I am forcing the conversation.

the reason for the thread being created was about you, to discuss your feelings, and how to cope with this "other" dog because he can't seem to replace the one you loved.

that ^^^^^^^^ is what you made this thread for .. not the what is in the best interest of the dog.

If I wasn't forcing this on you ... you wouldn't have given it another thought. You're not going to fool anyone into believing your new claim in that this thread was created to discuss the well being of the dog ... unless of course you hide the OP

Posted by LostinmyMind11

My main concerns are not being able to bond with him, to figure out why I feel the way that I do and understanding it .....

It is not the main concern, but, you don't know that.




You abuse a dog and you think the main concern is how you feel.




How can you NOT be able to see how inhumane that is?

You should probably shut this thread down, log off dxp and call the humane society to make arrangements to come this poor dog up.

what town do you live in? I am close to DC


I'll make arrangements to take the dog. how old is he, is he neutered, is he a pit


I will send you my email address if you are in agreement that you will let me help this dog

Yeah he is by himself today...He has toys, bones, food and water. Tv is on for him and Im skyping with him...until I can get a dog walker straightened out, to take him out during the day. The person is out of town till tonight. So yes he will have to deal with it for today...nothing I can do right now.

again go fuck yourself P

I remember about a year ago you made a thread to talk about how you used your pit as a weapon.

There were two guys who looked suspicious to you, so you got your pit to get your bitch attitude on in these guys faces.

I told you then that you were teaching him to be dangerous and that it isn't right to do that to him emotionally, since pits are prone to being aggressive when encouraged.

So, why has he passed away? Did he finally hurt someone and had to be euthanized?

I havent spoke with her except at the very beginning ...4 yrs ago. She changed her number apparently multiple times.

When she asked me if I wanted him, as I was asking questions, like what she had been feeding him, isnt he going to miss the farm and being able to run around thats when it came out in the convo ...that was Friday

I didnt use him as a weapon....you assumed I did.

He became sick...the vet mainly thought cancer then pancreatitis. We tried several different med combos, food, he received fluids etc. Nothing was working...they couldnt find anything on xrays. I took him for another opinion and that vet thinks it was...inflammatory bowel disease with losing proteins, or GI lymphoma which is what she was leaning towards. So we moved to another med and it didnt help. Apparently something burst and I rushed him in and they said it was time...so I put him to sleep...he was in pain and had labored breathing and pooped blood.

but let me guess...I abused him too!

smh...Oh and here a pic of the current dog who is being oh so abused by me




so abused...looked at him under the covers laying next to me..poor guy *so much sarcasm✨

Posted by LostinmyMind11

I didnt use him as a weapon....you assumed I did.

Title of your thread: Almost threw down with some dude ....

Date: 10/18/2013

Posted by LostinmyMind11

...I will let go of that leash and he'll rip your throat out!

click to expand

You forgot to copy and paste where they threatened to kill my dog before then after taunting him while trying to grab his back side..when I told them not to touch my dog.

A for effort though P 😉

Do that to any dog...guarentee they will bite you!

I bet when you leave your home to go to the store or go out...your animals stay home...thats animal abuse! You should take them all with you! you're a horrible pet owner!

Posted by TwirlingStrawberry
LIMM,

I don't think you gave yourself enough time to grieve. You may bond with him eventually, but the reality is.....you might not either.

My mother had the same issue with her two cats....she had both of them for over 15 years....they both passed within two weeks of each other.

She waited just a few weeks until she took a friend's cat in...was really excited about it but got the cat home and she said it felt really awkward and she just didn't want the cat, so she gave it back.

While you are waiting to see if you can bond, how about see if there is somewhere he can go if things can't work out....that is not with her.

That will give you something to focus on and distract a little bit.....instead of the guilt that is manifesting.

What your feeling is really okay 🙂

Thank you....it really bothered me why i was feeling the way i did. Just a lot of built up emotions. He just happen I guess to bring them all out.
That is my plan...I think he would need to be in a home with other dogs...probably with a big back yard to run around in...he's very rambunctious for an almost 6 yr old dog. Honestly I dont want to take him to a shelter..so he can sit there for god knows how long...thats not fair to him either. At least he knows me and seems very happy and content except when I leave...even to go right outside to get something from the car. He's a very clingy puppy (I say puppy even though he's not anymore) always has been.

Posted by Layna
*hugs LIMM*

I've never had a pet, but, I think the more you spend time with the current pup, the more you will notice the differences, right? You may never have the same bond you had with your last pit, but, every bond is unique... You should not have to weigh on whether one is better than the other.

For the similarities, look positively and with a grateful heart for the happy memories. It may be hard, but it is definitely doable.

—

Thats the thing...I do know the differences. They are completely opposites...if I didnt have him before..if I got him just randomly I probably would have been trying to replace him for my other dog...he just brought emotions ive been suppressing for a long time...up to the surface...I wasn't prepared for it. Now that I realize it...and remember how he was/is...I dont see apt living right for him. I could be wrong...whos to say. Thank you layna 🙂

Posted by CluelessCancer
He's too cute. P-angel you're too harsh. Stop that sh!t.

He is and very sweet...he gives kisses all the time and literally wants you to hold him like a baby. Lol. He dances when you grab his leash to go outside then spins in circles. He flares his nostrils when excited too...and always wagging his tail. He's a very good dog...needs lots of training though.

Posted by LostinmyMind11


You guys are acting like I just got him and then didnt want him for whatever reasoning...my bf DIED...we didnt just get him and then want to dump him...we both had every expectation to fully take care of them both...it broke my heart that I couldnt and I worried about him everyday.
The more I thought about it last night...the more I realized he reminds me of my bf and all those emotions came flooding to the surface again...it took me by surprise and overwhelmed me. Im entitled to feel how I feel and honestly you can say what you want...but I will say this, FUCK YOU BOTH in trying to make me feel worse than I already do! Very shitty thing

I hope you weren't talking to me here^^^

I gave you very insightful advice and information FROM EXPERIENCE.

...I thought this thread was about THE DOG..not you.

Posted by LetltB

Posted by LostinmyMind11


You guys are acting like I just got him and then didnt want him for whatever reasoning...my bf DIED...we didnt just get him and then want to dump him...we both had every expectation to fully take care of them both...it broke my heart that I couldnt and I worried about him everyday.
The more I thought about it last night...the more I realized he reminds me of my bf and all those emotions came flooding to the surface again...it took me by surprise and overwhelmed me. Im entitled to feel how I feel and honestly you can say what you want...but I will say this, FUCK YOU BOTH in trying to make me feel worse than I already do! Very shitty thing

I hope you weren't talking to me here^^^

I gave you very insightful advice and information FROM EXPERIENCE.

click to expand

My apologies letitbe...I assumed (something I shouldnt do) you were thinking I just dumped him because I didnt want to take care of him...like just throwing him away with out the circumstances at play. again I apologize!

Posted by LostinmyMind11

... chained up. His whole world changed while our first dogs went on as normal as possible.

As stated in the OP ^^^ .... it makes the insinuation that you knew.

You referenced that your first dog's life continued to be normal, while the other dog's life did not.

uote>Posted by LostinmyMind11

you think the rest of his life is going to be fine with me...someone who isnt home, who wont be able to give him what he needs?

You can't play both sides of the fiddle.

Posted by LostinmyMind11
but let me guess...I abused him too!

smh...Oh and here a pic of the current dog who is being oh so abused by me




so abused...looked at him under the covers laying next to me..poor guy *so much sarcasm✨

click to expand

lockquote>Posted by LostinmyMind11

take care of them both...it broke my heart that I couldnt and I worried about him everyday.

People who worry every day ... act like it.

they don't have excuses for 4 years.

Posted by LostinmyMind11

Its not like I could visit him...me and her do not get along....therefor not allowed on her property.

Posted by LostinmyMind11

I havent spoke with her except at the very beginning ...4 yrs ago. She changed her number apparently multiple times.

click to expand

Posted by P-Angel

Posted by LostinmyMind11

... chained up. His whole world changed while our first dogs went on as normal as possible.

As stated in the OP ^^^ .... it makes the insinuation that you knew.

You referenced that your first dog's life continued to be normal, while the other dog's life did not.

click to expand

I'm pretty sure anyone with any logic can come to the conclusion ...that if a dog has been chained up for 4 yrs from being an inside dog, with two parents and a brother...then yeah its pretty safe to say their life changed completely while the other dog's life didnt to that extreme. Doesnt quite prove anything P....but please do go on

You've pretty much made a complete fool out of yourself here ... so, I don't really need to say any more about it.

I think it's a good thing that this has happened, since there are so many woman completely baffled by Virgos and aren't sure if they even have emotions.

They can look at you and will begin to realize that a Virgo who cares, doesn't care to act on it. They can see you saying (words) about caring ... but, your actions on presenting this care is absent.

It's an eye-opener to a lot of people when Virgos come in here to make fools out of themselves like you have done here ..... and these women need to have this eye-opener, they need to realize that Virgos can't be arsed to support, or bother to inquire about something they claim to love.