desilove333
@desilove333
8 Years
Comments: 15 · Posts: 169 · Topics: 11
So its finally over....... Or is it—
He simply can't/won't give you what you want!
He says he is not good for you because you stating you are unhappy!
That's how I read it.
If you see the possibility how can you 2 be more together - tell him!
Example.
Him
I had collapsed after work and woke up too late to call
Me
Waaait a minute! You left work, drove home, undressed, went to bed and then fell asleep, right? So don't give me crap you had not 1 minute to text 'tired going to bed'
Him
Yeah! I guess you right...
Problem solved!
He couldn't get to solve that puzzle!
But with my brilliant rocket science coaching - voila!
Men just not women! The are men.
So they need to be told!
They don't guess. And I have tons of examples! If he cares he will listen and comply! If he cares.
Good luck
He says he is not good for you because you stating you are unhappy!
That's how I read it.
If you see the possibility how can you 2 be more together - tell him!
Example.
Him
I had collapsed after work and woke up too late to call
Me
Waaait a minute! You left work, drove home, undressed, went to bed and then fell asleep, right? So don't give me crap you had not 1 minute to text 'tired going to bed'
Him
Yeah! I guess you right...
Problem solved!
He couldn't get to solve that puzzle!
But with my brilliant rocket science coaching - voila!
Men just not women! The are men.
So they need to be told!
They don't guess. And I have tons of examples! If he cares he will listen and comply! If he cares.
Good luck
It's never really over with a Virgo until they say it is.
I'm not helping you lol...
Posted by desilove333He's not leaving a window open by not responding, he's avoiding drama. I'm not defending him or saying he's right(or wrong) but he has a point. If you're not happy with him than it may be best to move on. You can't make or force someone to be who they are and at this point this is who he is.
So after a rough 6 months I finally told my Virgo that I just couldn't do it anymore. We never spent time together anymore, we never talked that much anymore and I just felt as though he was lacking effort. He said he didn't mean to be mean to me and that he cares but I'm tired of waiting for him to show it.
I explained to him over and over and over that me only seeing him once a week (4 times in 30 days) was not good enough. And if we argued it would be one time every other week (2 times in 30 days) that's beyond what I can accept. As a Leo, I want love, time and affection from my partner.
He said I'm the one that's unhappy and not him. Then he says he thinks I just want to see what else or who else is out here and he believes I think he isn't good enough for me. HOW—— How is that the conclusion he comes up with when I have stated and restated that his lack of effort and time is what is driving us apart. Smh.
Anyway.... The last thing he said to me was that he thinks I'm starting not to like him anymore. AGAIN.... him and the point must be enemies because for the life of me he is not paying attention to what I'm saying the problem is. I said I have to walk away from this because I can't get through to him. He never responded. That was four days ago and we haven't spoke since.
Is my Virguy leaving a window open by not responding? Is he thinking everything over or is he just not responding because he is over it as well. Is this a Virgo trait to ignore what is being said and come up with their own reasons why or is he taking in what I said and maybe will come back different? I'm confused and a part of me is ready to move on, but a part of me wonders if he has or not. I just don't know and I can't get Virgos mentality.
Posted by tizianiIsn't that what I said? Lol
I'm not sure how he's not listening to you correctly.
According to you, you are unhappy with his efforts.
So he sees it as 1. You're unhappy 2. His efforts are not good enough for you.
In which case it's on you to assume responsibility for your own happiness.
Posted by Gemitati
He simply can't/won't give you what you want!
He says he is not good for you because you stating you are unhappy!
That's how I read it.
If you see the possibility how can you 2 be more together - tell him!
Example.
Him
I had collapsed after work and woke up too late to call
Me
Waaait a minute! You left work, drove home, undressed, went to bed and then fell asleep, right? So don't give me crap you had not 1 minute to text 'tired going to bed'
Him
Yeah! I guess you right...
Problem solved!
He couldn't get to solve that puzzle!
But with my brilliant rocket science coaching - voila!
Men just not women! The are men.
So they need to be told!
They don't guess. And I have tons of examples! If he cares he will listen and comply! If he cares.
Good luck
I wish it was this simple. I wish I actually hadn't told him a million times before already what he could do better or what could help us along, but the truth is.... I have. And honestly I feel as though he knows. He keeps blaming all his problems on the fact that he is as distant as he is but we all have problems right— Im just at a lost.
Posted by Weeds
It's never really over with a Virgo until they say it is.
I believe this to a degree. We've gotten into it bad before and he did the exact same thing. Never said it was over and waited three days before sending me a long message explaining how he hates that we were going through what we were. Might be the same thing he is doing now.... Then again maybe not.
Posted by tiziani
I'm not sure how he's not listening to you correctly.
According to you, you are unhappy with his efforts.
So he sees it as 1. You're unhappy 2. His efforts are not good enough for you.
In which case it's on you to assume responsibility for your own happiness.
I think he isn't listening because he is not addressing what I'm saying the problem is. Almost as if he is just ignoring the fact that I'm even giving him a reason why I'm unhappy. I'm telling him over and over what the problem is and what the solution could be. Instead of saying OK or whatever he says I must be interested in someone else. How does that even connect— Smh makes no sense to me.
Posted by beautifulsoul74Posted by desilove333He's not leaving a window open by not responding, he's avoiding drama. I'm not defending him or saying he's right(or wrong) but he has a point. If you're not happy with him than it may be best to move on. You can't make or force someone to be who they are and at this point this is who he is.
So after a rough 6 months I finally told my Virgo that I just couldn't do it anymore. We never spent time together anymore, we never talked that much anymore and I just felt as though he was lacking effort. He said he didn't mean to be mean to me and that he cares but I'm tired of waiting for him to show it.
I explained to him over and over and over that me only seeing him once a week (4 times in 30 days) was not good enough. And if we argued it would be one time every other week (2 times in 30 days) that's beyond what I can accept. As a Leo, I want love, time and affection from my partner.
He said I'm the one that's unhappy and not him. Then he says he thinks I just want to see what else or who else is out here and he believes I think he isn't good enough for me. HOW—— How is that the conclusion he comes up with when I have stated and restated that his lack of effort and time is what is driving us apart. Smh.
Anyway.... The last thing he said to me was that he thinks I'm starting not to like him anymore. AGAIN.... him and the point must be enemies because for the life of me he is not paying attention to what I'm saying the problem is. I said I have to walk away from this because I can't get through to him. He never responded. That was four days ago and we haven't spoke since.
Is my Virguy leaving a window open by not responding? Is he thinking everything over or is he just not responding because he is over it as well. Is this a Virgo trait to ignore what is being said and come up with their own reasons why or is he taking in what I said and maybe will come back different? I'm confused and a part of me is ready to move on, but a part of me wonders if he has or not. I just don't know and I can't get Virgos mentality.
click to expand
I agree. Perhaps he is avoiding drama I guess. And yes this is clearly who he is. He said he wanted this whole life with me but how when you aren't spending time? Or even trying to. Smh but OK.
Posted by blackmoonBut will this change anything??
as a virgo dominant, think he's unsure about your feelings about him..he needs your reassurance and maybe your communication together is lacking..just tell him something sweet..and he will understand. if he's doubtful then always make sure to show your appreciation for what he does..virgos are aloof sometimes without intentionally doing it but sometimes the distancing is intentional, to see if you reciprocate and see how you really feel
See... He doesn't think he is wrong. He doesn't believe that he or his actions is really causingvthe frustration in our relationship. I am a firm believer that if a person wanted to, then they would. No matter what the situation or circumstance. He just ran out of time for me. I know he has things going on, but so do I. It's only so much understanding a person can have.
Posted by blackmoonPosted by desilove333it's not about the romanticism.,the virgo might be trying to make an emotional bond with you. like you said, he might have other things in his mind too like work or school, so he's trying to make excuses because he wants his life sorted out but doesn't know the way around it..he might not believe the same thingPosted by blackmoonBut will this change anything??
as a virgo dominant, think he's unsure about your feelings about him..he needs your reassurance and maybe your communication together is lacking..just tell him something sweet..and he will understand. if he's doubtful then always make sure to show your appreciation for what he does..virgos are aloof sometimes without intentionally doing it but sometimes the distancing is intentional, to see if you reciprocate and see how you really feel
See... He doesn't think he is wrong. He doesn't believe that he or his actions is really causingvthe frustration in our relationship. I am a firm believer that if a person wanted to, then they would. No matter what the situation or circumstance. He just ran out of time for me. I know he has things going on, but so do I. It's only so much understanding a person can have.
just give him time.. and i'm sure it will work..be focused on your life too. be sweet to him and show him a good timeclick to expand
I believe you are right. His mind was very full and cluttered and that's why I wasn't able to reach him. Perhaps once he figures everything else out he'll be back...... Or maybe not. I really cared for him and I wanted it to work. I just needed him to want the sane. I guess we will see if he does.
Posted by desilove333Yeah I think the bigger concern is that you've told him there's an issue, but instead of addressing it, he's deflecting it back on to you. You're basically saying, "I'm not happy and I want more of your time" and he's saying, "Well I'm happy and I can't make you happy." From a logical standpoint, he is absolutely correct. Your happiness technically is not his job. However, that's clearly not the point you're trying to make.Posted by blackmoonBut will this change anything??
as a virgo dominant, think he's unsure about your feelings about him..he needs your reassurance and maybe your communication together is lacking..just tell him something sweet..and he will understand. if he's doubtful then always make sure to show your appreciation for what he does..virgos are aloof sometimes without intentionally doing it but sometimes the distancing is intentional, to see if you reciprocate and see how you really feel
See... He doesn't think he is wrong. He doesn't believe that he or his actions is really causingvthe frustration in our relationship. I am a firm believer that if a person wanted to, then they would. No matter what the situation or circumstance. He just ran out of time for me. I know he has things going on, but so do I. It's only so much understanding a person can have.
click to expand
"He said I'm the one that's unhappy and not him. Then he says he thinks I just want to see what else or who else is out here and he believes I think he isn't good enough for me."
Sounds like he is thinking too logically and as a result he's getting defensive. Basically he's being a guy and thinking with his "guy brain". He's not really hearing what you're saying. He doesn't understand that you're not trying to nag him, but instead talk to him about you feelings. He doesn't understand it's his job as the man to diffuse this situation. He could have simply said, "You know what, I hear you and I'm going to make more time so we can spend it together. I'm busy right now, but let's go out next weekend."
I'd recommend just being direct with him (again) and letting him know that you appreciate him, but you also want to see him more. It's only natural that a woman who is in love would want to spend more time with her man. He needs to understand this and be willing to come to a compromise. Also know that Virgos tend to like their space in order to think, but seeing each other more than once a week shouldn't be an issue unless his job keep him crazy busy.
If he's unwilling to see you more than once a week, then it may be time to find someone who will.
You're so overbearing.
and you completely misunderstood what Tizani said
Even when he's trying to bow out of the relationship, you're STILL bombarding (it) with demands.
I feel sorry for any guy who tries to date you ..... you have no clue what natural flow is.
Posted by P-Angel
You're so overbearing.
and you completely misunderstood what Tizani said
Even when he's trying to bow out of the relationship, you're STILL bombarding (it) with demands.
I feel sorry for any guy who tries to date you ..... you have no clue what natural flow is.
(Yarns) ?
Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Yeah I think the bigger concern is that you've told him there's an issue, but instead of addressing it, he's deflecting it back on to you. You're basically saying, "I'm not happy and I want more of your time" and he's saying, "Well I'm happy and I can't make you happy." From a logical standpoint, he is absolutely correct. Your happiness technically is not his job. However, that's clearly not the point you're trying to make.Posted by blackmoonBut will this change anything??
as a virgo dominant, think he's unsure about your feelings about him..he needs your reassurance and maybe your communication together is lacking..just tell him something sweet..and he will understand. if he's doubtful then always make sure to show your appreciation for what he does..virgos are aloof sometimes without intentionally doing it but sometimes the distancing is intentional, to see if you reciprocate and see how you really feel
See... He doesn't think he is wrong. He doesn't believe that he or his actions is really causingvthe frustration in our relationship. I am a firm believer that if a person wanted to, then they would. No matter what the situation or circumstance. He just ran out of time for me. I know he has things going on, but so do I. It's only so much understanding a person can have.
"He said I'm the one that's unhappy and not him. Then he says he thinks I just want to see what else or who else is out here and he believes I think he isn't good enough for me."
Sounds like he is thinking too logically and as a result he's getting defensive. Basically he's being a guy and thinking with his "guy brain". He's not really hearing what you're saying. He doesn't understand that you're not trying to nag him, but instead talk to him about you feelings. He doesn't understand it's his job as the man to diffuse this situation. He could have simply said, "You know what, I hear you and I'm going to make more time so we can spend it together. I'm busy right now, but let's go out next weekend."
I'd recommend just being direct with him (again) and letting him know that you appreciate him, but you also want to see him more. It's only natural that a woman who is in love would want to spend more time with her man. He needs to understand this and be willing to come to a compromise. Also know that Virgos tend to like their space in order to think, but seeing each other more than once a week shouldn't be an issue unless his job keep him crazy busy.
If he's unwilling to see you more than once a week, then it may be time to find someone who will.
click to expand
He is thinking way too logically....
I remember we had several conversations where I would say something like, 'Hey baby are you still coming over' and he'd say, 'Why, what you got planned'? I would literally only want to know just for time's sake, but he would think it was much deeper than that. Like I was trying to be sneaky before he came.
Thing is.... I believe in my heart that he started believing this relationship was too good. Like I couldn't possibly be 100% dedicated to him or I couldn't possibly love him. So he started pulling back and finding ways to mentally destroy us. Or to make me guilty of something. Even making himself unavailable. I know Virgos love space... They need to air out their minds to themselves, but this is not fair to me. I truly tried and he even said I was the best girl he had in almost forever.
He also stated its been a long time since he has been in a relationship and the girl prior to me ( who was just a fuck buddy) sent him through hell. I think he either categorized me with her or forgot how to love. Unfair either way.
Posted by desilove333Hopefully he's not self sabotaging this. In which case he may have some confidence issues to sort through.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Yeah I think the bigger concern is that you've told him there's an issue, but instead of addressing it, he's deflecting it back on to you. You're basically saying, "I'm not happy and I want more of your time" and he's saying, "Well I'm happy and I can't make you happy." From a logical standpoint, he is absolutely correct. Your happiness technically is not his job. However, that's clearly not the point you're trying to make.Posted by blackmoonBut will this change anything??
as a virgo dominant, think he's unsure about your feelings about him..he needs your reassurance and maybe your communication together is lacking..just tell him something sweet..and he will understand. if he's doubtful then always make sure to show your appreciation for what he does..virgos are aloof sometimes without intentionally doing it but sometimes the distancing is intentional, to see if you reciprocate and see how you really feel
See... He doesn't think he is wrong. He doesn't believe that he or his actions is really causingvthe frustration in our relationship. I am a firm believer that if a person wanted to, then they would. No matter what the situation or circumstance. He just ran out of time for me. I know he has things going on, but so do I. It's only so much understanding a person can have.
"He said I'm the one that's unhappy and not him. Then he says he thinks I just want to see what else or who else is out here and he believes I think he isn't good enough for me."
Sounds like he is thinking too logically and as a result he's getting defensive. Basically he's being a guy and thinking with his "guy brain". He's not really hearing what you're saying. He doesn't understand that you're not trying to nag him, but instead talk to him about you feelings. He doesn't understand it's his job as the man to diffuse this situation. He could have simply said, "You know what, I hear you and I'm going to make more time so we can spend it together. I'm busy right now, but let's go out next weekend."
I'd recommend just being direct with him (again) and letting him know that you appreciate him, but you also want to see him more. It's only natural that a woman who is in love would want to spend more time with her man. He needs to understand this and be willing to come to a compromise. Also know that Virgos tend to like their space in order to think, but seeing each other more than once a week shouldn't be an issue unless his job keep him crazy busy.
If he's unwilling to see you more than once a week, then it may be time to find someone who will.
He is thinking way too logically....
I remember we had several conversations where I would say something like, 'Hey baby are you still coming over' and he'd say, 'Why, what you got planned'? I would literally only want to know just for time's sake, but he would think it was much deeper than that. Like I was trying to be sneaky before he came.
Thing is.... I believe in my heart that he started believing this relationship was too good. Like I couldn't possibly be 100% dedicated to him or I couldn't possibly love him. So he started pulling back and finding ways to mentally destroy us. Or to make me guilty of something. Even making himself unavailable. I know Virgos love space... They need to air out their minds to themselves, but this is not fair to me. I truly tried and he even said I was the best girl he had in almost forever.
He also stated its been a long time since he has been in a relationship and the girl prior to me ( who was just a fuck buddy) sent him through hell. I think he either categorized me with her or forgot how to love. Unfair either way.
click to expand
I think in this situation though, he simply thinking like a (stubborn) guy. Guys tend to confront problems using logic and reason. So if something doesn't make sense to a guy (for example an emotional issue), there's a chance the guy will try to rationalize his way out of the problem. It's usually why women feel like men don't listen to them.
The simplest thing you can do is let him know that you aren't attacking him, you just are letting him know that you need more time with him. Tell him exactly what you want (2 days, 3 days, etc). If he's unwilling to compromise on this, it may be time to back away. As a man, it's his job to listen to and address your concerns. It sounds like he's become complacent and is only seeing things from his perspective.
Typical Virgo. Exact same experience more or less. They ain't for me unless you want them as a side bitch.
Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Hopefully he's not self sabotaging this. In which case he may have some confidence issues to sort through.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Yeah I think the bigger concern is that you've told him there's an issue, but instead of addressing it, he's deflecting it back on to you. You're basically saying, "I'm not happy and I want more of your time" and he's saying, "Well I'm happy and I can't make you happy." From a logical standpoint, he is absolutely correct. Your happiness technically is not his job. However, that's clearly not the point you're trying to make.Posted by blackmoonBut will this change anything??
as a virgo dominant, think he's unsure about your feelings about him..he needs your reassurance and maybe your communication together is lacking..just tell him something sweet..and he will understand. if he's doubtful then always make sure to show your appreciation for what he does..virgos are aloof sometimes without intentionally doing it but sometimes the distancing is intentional, to see if you reciprocate and see how you really feel
See... He doesn't think he is wrong. He doesn't believe that he or his actions is really causingvthe frustration in our relationship. I am a firm believer that if a person wanted to, then they would. No matter what the situation or circumstance. He just ran out of time for me. I know he has things going on, but so do I. It's only so much understanding a person can have.
"He said I'm the one that's unhappy and not him. Then he says he thinks I just want to see what else or who else is out here and he believes I think he isn't good enough for me."
Sounds like he is thinking too logically and as a result he's getting defensive. Basically he's being a guy and thinking with his "guy brain". He's not really hearing what you're saying. He doesn't understand that you're not trying to nag him, but instead talk to him about you feelings. He doesn't understand it's his job as the man to diffuse this situation. He could have simply said, "You know what, I hear you and I'm going to make more time so we can spend it together. I'm busy right now, but let's go out next weekend."
I'd recommend just being direct with him (again) and letting him know that you appreciate him, but you also want to see him more. It's only natural that a woman who is in love would want to spend more time with her man. He needs to understand this and be willing to come to a compromise. Also know that Virgos tend to like their space in order to think, but seeing each other more than once a week shouldn't be an issue unless his job keep him crazy busy.
If he's unwilling to see you more than once a week, then it may be time to find someone who will.
He is thinking way too logically....
I remember we had several conversations where I would say something like, 'Hey baby are you still coming over' and he'd say, 'Why, what you got planned'? I would literally only want to know just for time's sake, but he would think it was much deeper than that. Like I was trying to be sneaky before he came.
Thing is.... I believe in my heart that he started believing this relationship was too good. Like I couldn't possibly be 100% dedicated to him or I couldn't possibly love him. So he started pulling back and finding ways to mentally destroy us. Or to make me guilty of something. Even making himself unavailable. I know Virgos love space... They need to air out their minds to themselves, but this is not fair to me. I truly tried and he even said I was the best girl he had in almost forever.
He also stated its been a long time since he has been in a relationship and the girl prior to me ( who was just a fuck buddy) sent him through hell. I think he either categorized me with her or forgot how to love. Unfair either way.
I think in this situation though, he simply thinking like a (stubborn) guy. Guys tend to confront problems using logic and reason. So if something doesn't make sense to a guy (for example an emotional issue), there's a chance the guy will try to rationalize his way out of the problem. It's usually why women feel like men don't listen to them.
The simplest thing you can do is let him know that you aren't attacking him, you just are letting him know that you need more time with him. Tell him exactly what you want (2 days, 3 days, etc). If he's unwilling to compromise on this, it may be time to back away. As a man, it's his job to listen to and address your concerns. It sounds like he's become complacent and is only seeing things from his perspective.click to expand
I guess I have no problem saying it again... If he decides to come back. However, I can't see myself texting him again or even starting the conversation off. Easter just past and he didn't say anything so I'm assuming perhaps he just said forget it. If he does text me again I'll try to communicate with him and make things better. He has to want it though the way I do. I'm willing.... But I can't do it alone.
Posted by LibraLovesHim
Typical Virgo. Exact same experience more or less. They ain't for me unless you want them as a side bitch.
—— seems like there is a lot of people who go through these exact same things with Virgos. I hate to group them together, but everybody can't be wrong lol
Posted by imbatgirl14Posted by desilove333Sounds like a Scorpio moonie or a Scorpio dominant guy. What are his placements?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Yeah I think the bigger concern is that you've told him there's an issue, but instead of addressing it, he's deflecting it back on to you. You're basically saying, "I'm not happy and I want more of your time" and he's saying, "Well I'm happy and I can't make you happy." From a logical standpoint, he is absolutely correct. Your happiness technically is not his job. However, that's clearly not the point you're trying to make.Posted by blackmoonBut will this change anything??
as a virgo dominant, think he's unsure about your feelings about him..he needs your reassurance and maybe your communication together is lacking..just tell him something sweet..and he will understand. if he's doubtful then always make sure to show your appreciation for what he does..virgos are aloof sometimes without intentionally doing it but sometimes the distancing is intentional, to see if you reciprocate and see how you really feel
See... He doesn't think he is wrong. He doesn't believe that he or his actions is really causingvthe frustration in our relationship. I am a firm believer that if a person wanted to, then they would. No matter what the situation or circumstance. He just ran out of time for me. I know he has things going on, but so do I. It's only so much understanding a person can have.
"He said I'm the one that's unhappy and not him. Then he says he thinks I just want to see what else or who else is out here and he believes I think he isn't good enough for me."
Sounds like he is thinking too logically and as a result he's getting defensive. Basically he's being a guy and thinking with his "guy brain". He's not really hearing what you're saying. He doesn't understand that you're not trying to nag him, but instead talk to him about you feelings. He doesn't understand it's his job as the man to diffuse this situation. He could have simply said, "You know what, I hear you and I'm going to make more time so we can spend it together. I'm busy right now, but let's go out next weekend."
I'd recommend just being direct with him (again) and letting him know that you appreciate him, but you also want to see him more. It's only natural that a woman who is in love would want to spend more time with her man. He needs to understand this and be willing to come to a compromise. Also know that Virgos tend to like their space in order to think, but seeing each other more than once a week shouldn't be an issue unless his job keep him crazy busy.
If he's unwilling to see you more than once a week, then it may be time to find someone who will.
He is thinking way too logically....
I remember we had several conversations where I would say something like, 'Hey baby are you still coming over' and he'd say, 'Why, what you got planned'? I would literally only want to know just for time's sake, but he would think it was much deeper than that. Like I was trying to be sneaky before he came.
Thing is.... I believe in my heart that he started believing this relationship was too good. Like I couldn't possibly be 100% dedicated to him or I couldn't possibly love him. So he started pulling back and finding ways to mentally destroy us. Or to make me guilty of something. Even making himself unavailable. I know Virgos love space... They need to air out their minds to themselves, but this is not fair to me. I truly tried and he even said I was the best girl he had in almost forever.
He also stated its been a long time since he has been in a relationship and the girl prior to me ( who was just a fuck buddy) sent him through hell. I think he either categorized me with her or forgot how to love. Unfair either way.
click to expand
I really don't know how to understand placements or whatever. Not sure about how to go about finding it out.
Suggestions—
Posted by imbatgirl14You are 100% correct. This was beautifully written and I could not have said it better.Posted by ChuckcemBut see that's the thing. It seems to be a common issue in relationships now. I feel like men/guys nowadays, especially those born in the mid to late 90s and beyond, are falling in the 'me' mentality. Hardly any guy nowadays dates for long term commitment or work towards a loving and stable relationship. Some are truly just messing around, but the other's excuse the lack of emotional commitment by saying 'they can't find a good woman'.Posted by desilove333Hopefully he's not self sabotaging this. In which case he may have some confidence issues to sort through.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Yeah I think the bigger concern is that you've told him there's an issue, but instead of addressing it, he's deflecting it back on to you. You're basically saying, "I'm not happy and I want more of your time" and he's saying, "Well I'm happy and I can't make you happy." From a logical standpoint, he is absolutely correct. Your happiness technically is not his job. However, that's clearly not the point you're trying to make.Posted by blackmoonBut will this change anything??
as a virgo dominant, think he's unsure about your feelings about him..he needs your reassurance and maybe your communication together is lacking..just tell him something sweet..and he will understand. if he's doubtful then always make sure to show your appreciation for what he does..virgos are aloof sometimes without intentionally doing it but sometimes the distancing is intentional, to see if you reciprocate and see how you really feel
See... He doesn't think he is wrong. He doesn't believe that he or his actions is really causingvthe frustration in our relationship. I am a firm believer that if a person wanted to, then they would. No matter what the situation or circumstance. He just ran out of time for me. I know he has things going on, but so do I. It's only so much understanding a person can have.
"He said I'm the one that's unhappy and not him. Then he says he thinks I just want to see what else or who else is out here and he believes I think he isn't good enough for me."
Sounds like he is thinking too logically and as a result he's getting defensive. Basically he's being a guy and thinking with his "guy brain". He's not really hearing what you're saying. He doesn't understand that you're not trying to nag him, but instead talk to him about you feelings. He doesn't understand it's his job as the man to diffuse this situation. He could have simply said, "You know what, I hear you and I'm going to make more time so we can spend it together. I'm busy right now, but let's go out next weekend."
I'd recommend just being direct with him (again) and letting him know that you appreciate him, but you also want to see him more. It's only natural that a woman who is in love would want to spend more time with her man. He needs to understand this and be willing to come to a compromise. Also know that Virgos tend to like their space in order to think, but seeing each other more than once a week shouldn't be an issue unless his job keep him crazy busy.
If he's unwilling to see you more than once a week, then it may be time to find someone who will.
He is thinking way too logically....
I remember we had several conversations where I would say something like, 'Hey baby are you still coming over' and he'd say, 'Why, what you got planned'? I would literally only want to know just for time's sake, but he would think it was much deeper than that. Like I was trying to be sneaky before he came.
Thing is.... I believe in my heart that he started believing this relationship was too good. Like I couldn't possibly be 100% dedicated to him or I couldn't possibly love him. So he started pulling back and finding ways to mentally destroy us. Or to make me guilty of something. Even making himself unavailable. I know Virgos love space... They need to air out their minds to themselves, but this is not fair to me. I truly tried and he even said I was the best girl he had in almost forever.
He also stated its been a long time since he has been in a relationship and the girl prior to me ( who was just a fuck buddy) sent him through hell. I think he either categorized me with her or forgot how to love. Unfair either way.
I think in this situation though, he simply thinking like a (stubborn) guy. Guys tend to confront problems using logic and reason. So if something doesn't make sense to a guy (for example an emotional issue), there's a chance the guy will try to rationalize his way out of the problem. It's usually why women feel like men don't listen to them.
The simplest thing you can do is let him know that you aren't attacking him, you just are letting him know that you need more time with him. Tell him exactly what you want (2 days, 3 days, etc). If he's unwilling to compromise on this, it may be time to back away. As a man, it's his job to listen to and address your concerns. It sounds like he's become complacent and is only seeing things from his perspective.
I don't think males being brought up today are being raised with a self-less/provider mentality. Take a look at all the guys nowadays who are lazy and don't really have much to go for. Same for the women. How many actually know how to cook? Selective few, but hey! they know how to take fabulous selfies! *sarcasm*
It's all the 'me! me! me! look at me!' instead of the 'let me get my sht together to have something to offer in a relationship' mentality. Things are much more casual and temporary than they were back in the day. People giving up on their marriages instead of compromising and working together.
Many parents are becoming self-centered and raising their kids in emotionally unstable homes. Men and women are being raised desensitized and essentially on their own.
Call me antiquated but some things are actually beneficial in a relationship and in my opinion, can make or break a relationship in the long run.click to expand
I honestly feel bad for most women in the dating/relationship scene right now. Pickings are slim because guys no longer know how to show up as men. Women are left with so few options it's not even funny. Guys have lost the art of conversation and attraction. I have a lot of thoughts on why this is, but to say it simply, you are spot on with your observation.
To be honest, this Virgo guy sounds like he's gotten lazy and may not want to deal with the "burden" of being in a relationship with a woman. Not knowing the guy, I didn't want to spin it that way. However being a male myself, it REALLY looks like he is far too willing to put the blame on OP. This isn't an uncommon phenomenon though. Usually the woman will leave and the guy will come running back weeks or months later apologizing with sweet words. The woman eventually takes the guy back and it's good for a while...theeeen he gets lazy/complacent again.
Posted by desilove333Do you know his birth date and place of birth? Time of birth is also helpful, but not entirely necessary if you don't know it.Posted by imbatgirl14Posted by desilove333Sounds like a Scorpio moonie or a Scorpio dominant guy. What are his placements?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Yeah I think the bigger concern is that you've told him there's an issue, but instead of addressing it, he's deflecting it back on to you. You're basically saying, "I'm not happy and I want more of your time" and he's saying, "Well I'm happy and I can't make you happy." From a logical standpoint, he is absolutely correct. Your happiness technically is not his job. However, that's clearly not the point you're trying to make.Posted by blackmoonBut will this change anything??
as a virgo dominant, think he's unsure about your feelings about him..he needs your reassurance and maybe your communication together is lacking..just tell him something sweet..and he will understand. if he's doubtful then always make sure to show your appreciation for what he does..virgos are aloof sometimes without intentionally doing it but sometimes the distancing is intentional, to see if you reciprocate and see how you really feel
See... He doesn't think he is wrong. He doesn't believe that he or his actions is really causingvthe frustration in our relationship. I am a firm believer that if a person wanted to, then they would. No matter what the situation or circumstance. He just ran out of time for me. I know he has things going on, but so do I. It's only so much understanding a person can have.
"He said I'm the one that's unhappy and not him. Then he says he thinks I just want to see what else or who else is out here and he believes I think he isn't good enough for me."
Sounds like he is thinking too logically and as a result he's getting defensive. Basically he's being a guy and thinking with his "guy brain". He's not really hearing what you're saying. He doesn't understand that you're not trying to nag him, but instead talk to him about you feelings. He doesn't understand it's his job as the man to diffuse this situation. He could have simply said, "You know what, I hear you and I'm going to make more time so we can spend it together. I'm busy right now, but let's go out next weekend."
I'd recommend just being direct with him (again) and letting him know that you appreciate him, but you also want to see him more. It's only natural that a woman who is in love would want to spend more time with her man. He needs to understand this and be willing to come to a compromise. Also know that Virgos tend to like their space in order to think, but seeing each other more than once a week shouldn't be an issue unless his job keep him crazy busy.
If he's unwilling to see you more than once a week, then it may be time to find someone who will.
He is thinking way too logically....
I remember we had several conversations where I would say something like, 'Hey baby are you still coming over' and he'd say, 'Why, what you got planned'? I would literally only want to know just for time's sake, but he would think it was much deeper than that. Like I was trying to be sneaky before he came.
Thing is.... I believe in my heart that he started believing this relationship was too good. Like I couldn't possibly be 100% dedicated to him or I couldn't possibly love him. So he started pulling back and finding ways to mentally destroy us. Or to make me guilty of something. Even making himself unavailable. I know Virgos love space... They need to air out their minds to themselves, but this is not fair to me. I truly tried and he even said I was the best girl he had in almost forever.
He also stated its been a long time since he has been in a relationship and the girl prior to me ( who was just a fuck buddy) sent him through hell. I think he either categorized me with her or forgot how to love. Unfair either way.
I really don't know how to understand placements or whatever. Not sure about how to go about finding it out.
Suggestions—
click to expand
Throw that info into a natal chart here to learn his placements: http://astro.cafeastrology.com/natal.php
If you need help understanding it, let us know.
Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Do you know his birth date and place of birth? Time of birth is also helpful, but not entirely necessary if you don't know it.Posted by imbatgirl14Posted by desilove333Sounds like a Scorpio moonie or a Scorpio dominant guy. What are his placements?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Yeah I think the bigger concern is that you've told him there's an issue, but instead of addressing it, he's deflecting it back on to you. You're basically saying, "I'm not happy and I want more of your time" and he's saying, "Well I'm happy and I can't make you happy." From a logical standpoint, he is absolutely correct. Your happiness technically is not his job. However, that's clearly not the point you're trying to make.Posted by blackmoonBut will this change anything??
as a virgo dominant, think he's unsure about your feelings about him..he needs your reassurance and maybe your communication together is lacking..just tell him something sweet..and he will understand. if he's doubtful then always make sure to show your appreciation for what he does..virgos are aloof sometimes without intentionally doing it but sometimes the distancing is intentional, to see if you reciprocate and see how you really feel
See... He doesn't think he is wrong. He doesn't believe that he or his actions is really causingvthe frustration in our relationship. I am a firm believer that if a person wanted to, then they would. No matter what the situation or circumstance. He just ran out of time for me. I know he has things going on, but so do I. It's only so much understanding a person can have.
"He said I'm the one that's unhappy and not him. Then he says he thinks I just want to see what else or who else is out here and he believes I think he isn't good enough for me."
Sounds like he is thinking too logically and as a result he's getting defensive. Basically he's being a guy and thinking with his "guy brain". He's not really hearing what you're saying. He doesn't understand that you're not trying to nag him, but instead talk to him about you feelings. He doesn't understand it's his job as the man to diffuse this situation. He could have simply said, "You know what, I hear you and I'm going to make more time so we can spend it together. I'm busy right now, but let's go out next weekend."
I'd recommend just being direct with him (again) and letting him know that you appreciate him, but you also want to see him more. It's only natural that a woman who is in love would want to spend more time with her man. He needs to understand this and be willing to come to a compromise. Also know that Virgos tend to like their space in order to think, but seeing each other more than once a week shouldn't be an issue unless his job keep him crazy busy.
If he's unwilling to see you more than once a week, then it may be time to find someone who will.
He is thinking way too logically....
I remember we had several conversations where I would say something like, 'Hey baby are you still coming over' and he'd say, 'Why, what you got planned'? I would literally only want to know just for time's sake, but he would think it was much deeper than that. Like I was trying to be sneaky before he came.
Thing is.... I believe in my heart that he started believing this relationship was too good. Like I couldn't possibly be 100% dedicated to him or I couldn't possibly love him. So he started pulling back and finding ways to mentally destroy us. Or to make me guilty of something. Even making himself unavailable. I know Virgos love space... They need to air out their minds to themselves, but this is not fair to me. I truly tried and he even said I was the best girl he had in almost forever.
He also stated its been a long time since he has been in a relationship and the girl prior to me ( who was just a fuck buddy) sent him through hell. I think he either categorized me with her or forgot how to love. Unfair either way.
I really don't know how to understand placements or whatever. Not sure about how to go about finding it out.
Suggestions—
Throw that info into a natal chart here to learn his placements: http://astro.cafeastrology.com/natal.php
If you need help understanding it, let us know.click to expand
I truly only know his birth date which is August 27th......
Posted by desilove333Hm, how long have you know this guy? You were in a relationship right? That seems like a red flag to me. If you've been with this guy, but don't know the year he was born or his place of birth, it's probably not a good sign at this point.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Do you know his birth date and place of birth? Time of birth is also helpful, but not entirely necessary if you don't know it.Posted by imbatgirl14Posted by desilove333Sounds like a Scorpio moonie or a Scorpio dominant guy. What are his placements?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Yeah I think the bigger concern is that you've told him there's an issue, but instead of addressing it, he's deflecting it back on to you. You're basically saying, "I'm not happy and I want more of your time" and he's saying, "Well I'm happy and I can't make you happy." From a logical standpoint, he is absolutely correct. Your happiness technically is not his job. However, that's clearly not the point you're trying to make.Posted by blackmoonBut will this change anything??
as a virgo dominant, think he's unsure about your feelings about him..he needs your reassurance and maybe your communication together is lacking..just tell him something sweet..and he will understand. if he's doubtful then always make sure to show your appreciation for what he does..virgos are aloof sometimes without intentionally doing it but sometimes the distancing is intentional, to see if you reciprocate and see how you really feel
See... He doesn't think he is wrong. He doesn't believe that he or his actions is really causingvthe frustration in our relationship. I am a firm believer that if a person wanted to, then they would. No matter what the situation or circumstance. He just ran out of time for me. I know he has things going on, but so do I. It's only so much understanding a person can have.
"He said I'm the one that's unhappy and not him. Then he says he thinks I just want to see what else or who else is out here and he believes I think he isn't good enough for me."
Sounds like he is thinking too logically and as a result he's getting defensive. Basically he's being a guy and thinking with his "guy brain". He's not really hearing what you're saying. He doesn't understand that you're not trying to nag him, but instead talk to him about you feelings. He doesn't understand it's his job as the man to diffuse this situation. He could have simply said, "You know what, I hear you and I'm going to make more time so we can spend it together. I'm busy right now, but let's go out next weekend."
I'd recommend just being direct with him (again) and letting him know that you appreciate him, but you also want to see him more. It's only natural that a woman who is in love would want to spend more time with her man. He needs to understand this and be willing to come to a compromise. Also know that Virgos tend to like their space in order to think, but seeing each other more than once a week shouldn't be an issue unless his job keep him crazy busy.
If he's unwilling to see you more than once a week, then it may be time to find someone who will.
He is thinking way too logically....
I remember we had several conversations where I would say something like, 'Hey baby are you still coming over' and he'd say, 'Why, what you got planned'? I would literally only want to know just for time's sake, but he would think it was much deeper than that. Like I was trying to be sneaky before he came.
Thing is.... I believe in my heart that he started believing this relationship was too good. Like I couldn't possibly be 100% dedicated to him or I couldn't possibly love him. So he started pulling back and finding ways to mentally destroy us. Or to make me guilty of something. Even making himself unavailable. I know Virgos love space... They need to air out their minds to themselves, but this is not fair to me. I truly tried and he even said I was the best girl he had in almost forever.
He also stated its been a long time since he has been in a relationship and the girl prior to me ( who was just a fuck buddy) sent him through hell. I think he either categorized me with her or forgot how to love. Unfair either way.
I really don't know how to understand placements or whatever. Not sure about how to go about finding it out.
Suggestions—
Throw that info into a natal chart here to learn his placements: http://astro.cafeastrology.com/natal.php
If you need help understanding it, let us know.
I truly only know his birth date which is August 27th......
click to expand
Posted by ChuckcemPosted by imbatgirl14You are 100% correct. This was beautifully written and I could not have said it better.Posted by ChuckcemBut see that's the thing. It seems to be a common issue in relationships now. I feel like men/guys nowadays, especially those born in the mid to late 90s and beyond, are falling in the 'me' mentality. Hardly any guy nowadays dates for long term commitment or work towards a loving and stable relationship. Some are truly just messing around, but the other's excuse the lack of emotional commitment by saying 'they can't find a good woman'.Posted by desilove333Hopefully he's not self sabotaging this. In which case he may have some confidence issues to sort through.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Yeah I think the bigger concern is that you've told him there's an issue, but instead of addressing it, he's deflecting it back on to you. You're basically saying, "I'm not happy and I want more of your time" and he's saying, "Well I'm happy and I can't make you happy." From a logical standpoint, he is absolutely correct. Your happiness technically is not his job. However, that's clearly not the point you're trying to make.Posted by blackmoonBut will this change anything??
as a virgo dominant, think he's unsure about your feelings about him..he needs your reassurance and maybe your communication together is lacking..just tell him something sweet..and he will understand. if he's doubtful then always make sure to show your appreciation for what he does..virgos are aloof sometimes without intentionally doing it but sometimes the distancing is intentional, to see if you reciprocate and see how you really feel
See... He doesn't think he is wrong. He doesn't believe that he or his actions is really causingvthe frustration in our relationship. I am a firm believer that if a person wanted to, then they would. No matter what the situation or circumstance. He just ran out of time for me. I know he has things going on, but so do I. It's only so much understanding a person can have.
"He said I'm the one that's unhappy and not him. Then he says he thinks I just want to see what else or who else is out here and he believes I think he isn't good enough for me."
Sounds like he is thinking too logically and as a result he's getting defensive. Basically he's being a guy and thinking with his "guy brain". He's not really hearing what you're saying. He doesn't understand that you're not trying to nag him, but instead talk to him about you feelings. He doesn't understand it's his job as the man to diffuse this situation. He could have simply said, "You know what, I hear you and I'm going to make more time so we can spend it together. I'm busy right now, but let's go out next weekend."
I'd recommend just being direct with him (again) and letting him know that you appreciate him, but you also want to see him more. It's only natural that a woman who is in love would want to spend more time with her man. He needs to understand this and be willing to come to a compromise. Also know that Virgos tend to like their space in order to think, but seeing each other more than once a week shouldn't be an issue unless his job keep him crazy busy.
If he's unwilling to see you more than once a week, then it may be time to find someone who will.
He is thinking way too logically....
I remember we had several conversations where I would say something like, 'Hey baby are you still coming over' and he'd say, 'Why, what you got planned'? I would literally only want to know just for time's sake, but he would think it was much deeper than that. Like I was trying to be sneaky before he came.
Thing is.... I believe in my heart that he started believing this relationship was too good. Like I couldn't possibly be 100% dedicated to him or I couldn't possibly love him. So he started pulling back and finding ways to mentally destroy us. Or to make me guilty of something. Even making himself unavailable. I know Virgos love space... They need to air out their minds to themselves, but this is not fair to me. I truly tried and he even said I was the best girl he had in almost forever.
He also stated its been a long time since he has been in a relationship and the girl prior to me ( who was just a fuck buddy) sent him through hell. I think he either categorized me with her or forgot how to love. Unfair either way.
I think in this situation though, he simply thinking like a (stubborn) guy. Guys tend to confront problems using logic and reason. So if something doesn't make sense to a guy (for example an emotional issue), there's a chance the guy will try to rationalize his way out of the problem. It's usually why women feel like men don't listen to them.
The simplest thing you can do is let him know that you aren't attacking him, you just are letting him know that you need more time with him. Tell him exactly what you want (2 days, 3 days, etc). If he's unwilling to compromise on this, it may be time to back away. As a man, it's his job to listen to and address your concerns. It sounds like he's become complacent and is only seeing things from his perspective.
I don't think males being brought up today are being raised with a self-less/provider mentality. Take a look at all the guys nowadays who are lazy and don't really have much to go for. Same for the women. How many actually know how to cook? Selective few, but hey! they know how to take fabulous selfies! *sarcasm*
It's all the 'me! me! me! look at me!' instead of the 'let me get my sht together to have something to offer in a relationship' mentality. Things are much more casual and temporary than they were back in the day. People giving up on their marriages instead of compromising and working together.
Many parents are becoming self-centered and raising their kids in emotionally unstable homes. Men and women are being raised desensitized and essentially on their own.
Call me antiquated but some things are actually beneficial in a relationship and in my opinion, can make or break a relationship in the long run.
I honestly feel bad for most women in the dating/relationship scene right now. Pickings are slim because guys no longer know how to show up as men. Women are left with so few options it's not even funny. Guys have lost the art of conversation and attraction. I have a lot of thoughts on why this is, but to say it simply, you are spot on with your observation.
To be honest, this Virgo guy sounds like he's gotten lazy and may not want to deal with the "burden" of being in a relationship with a woman. Not knowing the guy, I didn't want to spin it that way. However being a male myself, it REALLY looks like he is far too willing to put the blame on OP. This isn't an uncommon phenomenon though. Usually the woman will leave and the guy will come running back weeks or months later apologizing with sweet words. The woman eventually takes the guy back and it's good for a while...theeeen he gets lazy/complacent again.click to expand
This is really crazy and so on point I felt the same way myself. I felt like perhaps he just gave up, like didn't want the pressure of a relationship but wanted everything that came with a relationship. By him saying that it's been a while since he has been in a relationship was almost like maybe he's not ready for one or it's going to take him a while longer to actually really want another one, but it's sad because we definitely had a whole future planned and if he wasn't ready he should have just told me that.
I know that I'm the type of person that needs a lot of attention, a whole lot, but I try to be understanding. This was the first person who I really tried to be understanding with and to let my guard down with and to do what he asked me to do as a woman and yet still nothing. I told him that I think that he doesn't know how to love anymore like he's been too damaged from his past or that something is preventing him from going all the way so I don't know whether or not he has to sit and think about that or whether he could care less to think about it.
I just know that right now it's over between us as far as I'm concerned and he hasn't made any effort to contact me, so I don't know if this is typical Virgo Behavior. I don't know if Virgos take months before they actually come up with a conclusion in their head or maybe it's just a guy thing in general, but I know I can't wait around for him.
Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Hm, how long have you know this guy? You were in a relationship right? That seems like a red flag to me. If you've been with this guy, but don't know the year he was born or his place of birth, it's probably not a good sign at this point.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Do you know his birth date and place of birth? Time of birth is also helpful, but not entirely necessary if you don't know it.Posted by imbatgirl14Posted by desilove333Sounds like a Scorpio moonie or a Scorpio dominant guy. What are his placements?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Yeah I think the bigger concern is that you've told him there's an issue, but instead of addressing it, he's deflecting it back on to you. You're basically saying, "I'm not happy and I want more of your time" and he's saying, "Well I'm happy and I can't make you happy." From a logical standpoint, he is absolutely correct. Your happiness technically is not his job. However, that's clearly not the point you're trying to make.Posted by blackmoonBut will this change anything??
as a virgo dominant, think he's unsure about your feelings about him..he needs your reassurance and maybe your communication together is lacking..just tell him something sweet..and he will understand. if he's doubtful then always make sure to show your appreciation for what he does..virgos are aloof sometimes without intentionally doing it but sometimes the distancing is intentional, to see if you reciprocate and see how you really feel
See... He doesn't think he is wrong. He doesn't believe that he or his actions is really causingvthe frustration in our relationship. I am a firm believer that if a person wanted to, then they would. No matter what the situation or circumstance. He just ran out of time for me. I know he has things going on, but so do I. It's only so much understanding a person can have.
"He said I'm the one that's unhappy and not him. Then he says he thinks I just want to see what else or who else is out here and he believes I think he isn't good enough for me."
Sounds like he is thinking too logically and as a result he's getting defensive. Basically he's being a guy and thinking with his "guy brain". He's not really hearing what you're saying. He doesn't understand that you're not trying to nag him, but instead talk to him about you feelings. He doesn't understand it's his job as the man to diffuse this situation. He could have simply said, "You know what, I hear you and I'm going to make more time so we can spend it together. I'm busy right now, but let's go out next weekend."
I'd recommend just being direct with him (again) and letting him know that you appreciate him, but you also want to see him more. It's only natural that a woman who is in love would want to spend more time with her man. He needs to understand this and be willing to come to a compromise. Also know that Virgos tend to like their space in order to think, but seeing each other more than once a week shouldn't be an issue unless his job keep him crazy busy.
If he's unwilling to see you more than once a week, then it may be time to find someone who will.
He is thinking way too logically....
I remember we had several conversations where I would say something like, 'Hey baby are you still coming over' and he'd say, 'Why, what you got planned'? I would literally only want to know just for time's sake, but he would think it was much deeper than that. Like I was trying to be sneaky before he came.
Thing is.... I believe in my heart that he started believing this relationship was too good. Like I couldn't possibly be 100% dedicated to him or I couldn't possibly love him. So he started pulling back and finding ways to mentally destroy us. Or to make me guilty of something. Even making himself unavailable. I know Virgos love space... They need to air out their minds to themselves, but this is not fair to me. I truly tried and he even said I was the best girl he had in almost forever.
He also stated its been a long time since he has been in a relationship and the girl prior to me ( who was just a fuck buddy) sent him through hell. I think he either categorized me with her or forgot how to love. Unfair either way.
I really don't know how to understand placements or whatever. Not sure about how to go about finding it out.
Suggestions—
Throw that info into a natal chart here to learn his placements: http://astro.cafeastrology.com/natal.php
If you need help understanding it, let us know.
I truly only know his birth date which is August 27th......
click to expand
oh no I know the year.... It was 1988, same as me. If you mean city and state wise as far as birth place it was Detroit, Michigan. I thought you sent real specifics like time and actual hospital or something. And we were dating..... No relationship.
Posted by imbatgirl14Posted by ChuckcemBut see that's the thing. It seems to be a common issue in relationships now. I feel like men/guys nowadays, especially those born in the mid to late 90s and beyond, are falling in the 'me' mentality. Hardly any guy nowadays dates for long term commitment or work towards a loving and stable relationship. Some are truly just messing around, but the other's excuse the lack of emotional commitment by saying 'they can't find a good woman'.Posted by desilove333Hopefully he's not self sabotaging this. In which case he may have some confidence issues to sort through.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Yeah I think the bigger concern is that you've told him there's an issue, but instead of addressing it, he's deflecting it back on to you. You're basically saying, "I'm not happy and I want more of your time" and he's saying, "Well I'm happy and I can't make you happy." From a logical standpoint, he is absolutely correct. Your happiness technically is not his job. However, that's clearly not the point you're trying to make.Posted by blackmoonBut will this change anything??
as a virgo dominant, think he's unsure about your feelings about him..he needs your reassurance and maybe your communication together is lacking..just tell him something sweet..and he will understand. if he's doubtful then always make sure to show your appreciation for what he does..virgos are aloof sometimes without intentionally doing it but sometimes the distancing is intentional, to see if you reciprocate and see how you really feel
See... He doesn't think he is wrong. He doesn't believe that he or his actions is really causingvthe frustration in our relationship. I am a firm believer that if a person wanted to, then they would. No matter what the situation or circumstance. He just ran out of time for me. I know he has things going on, but so do I. It's only so much understanding a person can have.
"He said I'm the one that's unhappy and not him. Then he says he thinks I just want to see what else or who else is out here and he believes I think he isn't good enough for me."
Sounds like he is thinking too logically and as a result he's getting defensive. Basically he's being a guy and thinking with his "guy brain". He's not really hearing what you're saying. He doesn't understand that you're not trying to nag him, but instead talk to him about you feelings. He doesn't understand it's his job as the man to diffuse this situation. He could have simply said, "You know what, I hear you and I'm going to make more time so we can spend it together. I'm busy right now, but let's go out next weekend."
I'd recommend just being direct with him (again) and letting him know that you appreciate him, but you also want to see him more. It's only natural that a woman who is in love would want to spend more time with her man. He needs to understand this and be willing to come to a compromise. Also know that Virgos tend to like their space in order to think, but seeing each other more than once a week shouldn't be an issue unless his job keep him crazy busy.
If he's unwilling to see you more than once a week, then it may be time to find someone who will.
He is thinking way too logically....
I remember we had several conversations where I would say something like, 'Hey baby are you still coming over' and he'd say, 'Why, what you got planned'? I would literally only want to know just for time's sake, but he would think it was much deeper than that. Like I was trying to be sneaky before he came.
Thing is.... I believe in my heart that he started believing this relationship was too good. Like I couldn't possibly be 100% dedicated to him or I couldn't possibly love him. So he started pulling back and finding ways to mentally destroy us. Or to make me guilty of something. Even making himself unavailable. I know Virgos love space... They need to air out their minds to themselves, but this is not fair to me. I truly tried and he even said I was the best girl he had in almost forever.
He also stated its been a long time since he has been in a relationship and the girl prior to me ( who was just a fuck buddy) sent him through hell. I think he either categorized me with her or forgot how to love. Unfair either way.
I think in this situation though, he simply thinking like a (stubborn) guy. Guys tend to confront problems using logic and reason. So if something doesn't make sense to a guy (for example an emotional issue), there's a chance the guy will try to rationalize his way out of the problem. It's usually why women feel like men don't listen to them.
The simplest thing you can do is let him know that you aren't attacking him, you just are letting him know that you need more time with him. Tell him exactly what you want (2 days, 3 days, etc). If he's unwilling to compromise on this, it may be time to back away. As a man, it's his job to listen to and address your concerns. It sounds like he's become complacent and is only seeing things from his perspective.
I don't think males being brought up today are being raised with a self-less/provider mentality. Take a look at all the guys nowadays who are lazy and don't really have much to go for. Same for the women. How many actually know how to cook? Selective few, but hey! they know how to take fabulous selfies! *sarcasm*
It's all the 'me! me! me! look at me!' instead of the 'let me get my sht together to have something to offer in a relationship' mentality. Things are much more casual and temporary than they were back in the day. People giving up on their marriages instead of compromising and working together.
Many parents are becoming self-centered and raising their kids in emotionally unstable homes. Men and women are being raised desensitized and essentially on their own.
Call me antiquated but some things are actually beneficial in a relationship and in my opinion, can make or break a relationship in the long run.click to expand
What's crazy is he actually had the willingness to provide and be a manly man in a household. He didn't mind being a provider or whatever. He couldn't understand that me not seeing him was causing strain in our relationship. If this was someone who I just wanted to smash and pass then I wouldn't care how often I saw him. And if I was one of those girls who was doing her own thing on the side I wouldn't care either. But when you dedicate yourself entirely to a person with no one else, and that person isn't there you get lonely.
I tried telling him that and he couldn't understand. That's our main issue. I think he is a good guy... Well can be a good guy. He has issues, but don't we all?? I tried to work with him, but I just honestly realized I wasn't happy and could no longer continue. At least not like this.
Posted by imbatgirl14It's true, but to be fair, it's usually the guy's fault (or at least it has been for a long time). That's not to say that women are completely without blame for the downfall of the dating scene, but men have literally not been able to keep up with what's expected of them.Posted by Chuckcem?? So true about the going back and forth. It seems to be extremely prevalent in today's relationships. Men and women nowadays are extremely immature. I see it all the time.Posted by imbatgirl14You are 100% correct. This was beautifully written and I could not have said it better.Posted by ChuckcemBut see that's the thing. It seems to be a common issue in relationships now. I feel like men/guys nowadays, especially those born in the mid to late 90s and beyond, are falling in the 'me' mentality. Hardly any guy nowadays dates for long term commitment or work towards a loving and stable relationship. Some are truly just messing around, but the other's excuse the lack of emotional commitment by saying 'they can't find a good woman'.Posted by desilove333Hopefully he's not self sabotaging this. In which case he may have some confidence issues to sort through.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Yeah I think the bigger concern is that you've told him there's an issue, but instead of addressing it, he's deflecting it back on to you. You're basically saying, "I'm not happy and I want more of your time" and he's saying, "Well I'm happy and I can't make you happy." From a logical standpoint, he is absolutely correct. Your happiness technically is not his job. However, that's clearly not the point you're trying to make.Posted by blackmoonBut will this change anything??
as a virgo dominant, think he's unsure about your feelings about him..he needs your reassurance and maybe your communication together is lacking..just tell him something sweet..and he will understand. if he's doubtful then always make sure to show your appreciation for what he does..virgos are aloof sometimes without intentionally doing it but sometimes the distancing is intentional, to see if you reciprocate and see how you really feel
See... He doesn't think he is wrong. He doesn't believe that he or his actions is really causingvthe frustration in our relationship. I am a firm believer that if a person wanted to, then they would. No matter what the situation or circumstance. He just ran out of time for me. I know he has things going on, but so do I. It's only so much understanding a person can have.
"He said I'm the one that's unhappy and not him. Then he says he thinks I just want to see what else or who else is out here and he believes I think he isn't good enough for me."
Sounds like he is thinking too logically and as a result he's getting defensive. Basically he's being a guy and thinking with his "guy brain". He's not really hearing what you're saying. He doesn't understand that you're not trying to nag him, but instead talk to him about you feelings. He doesn't understand it's his job as the man to diffuse this situation. He could have simply said, "You know what, I hear you and I'm going to make more time so we can spend it together. I'm busy right now, but let's go out next weekend."
I'd recommend just being direct with him (again) and letting him know that you appreciate him, but you also want to see him more. It's only natural that a woman who is in love would want to spend more time with her man. He needs to understand this and be willing to come to a compromise. Also know that Virgos tend to like their space in order to think, but seeing each other more than once a week shouldn't be an issue unless his job keep him crazy busy.
If he's unwilling to see you more than once a week, then it may be time to find someone who will.
He is thinking way too logically....
I remember we had several conversations where I would say something like, 'Hey baby are you still coming over' and he'd say, 'Why, what you got planned'? I would literally only want to know just for time's sake, but he would think it was much deeper than that. Like I was trying to be sneaky before he came.
Thing is.... I believe in my heart that he started believing this relationship was too good. Like I couldn't possibly be 100% dedicated to him or I couldn't possibly love him. So he started pulling back and finding ways to mentally destroy us. Or to make me guilty of something. Even making himself unavailable. I know Virgos love space... They need to air out their minds to themselves, but this is not fair to me. I truly tried and he even said I was the best girl he had in almost forever.
He also stated its been a long time since he has been in a relationship and the girl prior to me ( who was just a fuck buddy) sent him through hell. I think he either categorized me with her or forgot how to love. Unfair either way.
I think in this situation though, he simply thinking like a (stubborn) guy. Guys tend to confront problems using logic and reason. So if something doesn't make sense to a guy (for example an emotional issue), there's a chance the guy will try to rationalize his way out of the problem. It's usually why women feel like men don't listen to them.
The simplest thing you can do is let him know that you aren't attacking him, you just are letting him know that you need more time with him. Tell him exactly what you want (2 days, 3 days, etc). If he's unwilling to compromise on this, it may be time to back away. As a man, it's his job to listen to and address your concerns. It sounds like he's become complacent and is only seeing things from his perspective.
I don't think males being brought up today are being raised with a self-less/provider mentality. Take a look at all the guys nowadays who are lazy and don't really have much to go for. Same for the women. How many actually know how to cook? Selective few, but hey! they know how to take fabulous selfies! *sarcasm*
It's all the 'me! me! me! look at me!' instead of the 'let me get my sht together to have something to offer in a relationship' mentality. Things are much more casual and temporary than they were back in the day. People giving up on their marriages instead of compromising and working together.
Many parents are becoming self-centered and raising their kids in emotionally unstable homes. Men and women are being raised desensitized and essentially on their own.
Call me antiquated but some things are actually beneficial in a relationship and in my opinion, can make or break a relationship in the long run.
I honestly feel bad for most women in the dating/relationship scene right now. Pickings are slim because guys no longer know how to show up as men. Women are left with so few options it's not even funny. Guys have lost the art of conversation and attraction. I have a lot of thoughts on why this is, but to say it simply, you are spot on with your observation.
To be honest, this Virgo guy sounds like he's gotten lazy and may not want to deal with the "burden" of being in a relationship with a woman. Not knowing the guy, I didn't want to spin it that way. However being a male myself, it REALLY looks like he is far too willing to put the blame on OP. This isn't an uncommon phenomenon though. Usually the woman will leave and the guy will come running back weeks or months later apologizing with sweet words. The woman eventually takes the guy back and it's good for a while...theeeen he gets lazy/complacent again.
Women play emotional games, manipulating the break up/make up scenario and men the going away/coming back when he's had his full. Only to rinse and repeat continuously. I honestly don't know how women can put themselves through this continuously. This is exactly why I'm not dating.
I don't have time to play games and I don't do casual flings.click to expand
It's my belief that if a relationship is falling apart (unless the woman was disloyal/dishonest or there was some act of God), it's usually the guy's fault. Meaning if guys were manning up the way they were supposed to, you ladies would have a MUCH easier time dating. I feel that women only play games because they've been trained to in order to "weed" weak men out. The problem is, there are FAR too many weak men, so this behavior is now ingrained in women.
Posted by imbatgirl14Posted by desilove333This is why the vast majority of Leos do not mesh well with Virgos. Virgos are attentive in spurts, very similar to Aquarius (hence why they actually do well in relationships) because Leos are way too needy for a Virgo.Posted by imbatgirl14Posted by ChuckcemBut see that's the thing. It seems to be a common issue in relationships now. I feel like men/guys nowadays, especially those born in the mid to late 90s and beyond, are falling in the 'me' mentality. Hardly any guy nowadays dates for long term commitment or work towards a loving and stable relationship. Some are truly just messing around, but the other's excuse the lack of emotional commitment by saying 'they can't find a good woman'.Posted by desilove333Hopefully he's not self sabotaging this. In which case he may have some confidence issues to sort through.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Yeah I think the bigger concern is that you've told him there's an issue, but instead of addressing it, he's deflecting it back on to you. You're basically saying, "I'm not happy and I want more of your time" and he's saying, "Well I'm happy and I can't make you happy." From a logical standpoint, he is absolutely correct. Your happiness technically is not his job. However, that's clearly not the point you're trying to make.Posted by blackmoonBut will this change anything??
as a virgo dominant, think he's unsure about your feelings about him..he needs your reassurance and maybe your communication together is lacking..just tell him something sweet..and he will understand. if he's doubtful then always make sure to show your appreciation for what he does..virgos are aloof sometimes without intentionally doing it but sometimes the distancing is intentional, to see if you reciprocate and see how you really feel
See... He doesn't think he is wrong. He doesn't believe that he or his actions is really causingvthe frustration in our relationship. I am a firm believer that if a person wanted to, then they would. No matter what the situation or circumstance. He just ran out of time for me. I know he has things going on, but so do I. It's only so much understanding a person can have.
"He said I'm the one that's unhappy and not him. Then he says he thinks I just want to see what else or who else is out here and he believes I think he isn't good enough for me."
Sounds like he is thinking too logically and as a result he's getting defensive. Basically he's being a guy and thinking with his "guy brain". He's not really hearing what you're saying. He doesn't understand that you're not trying to nag him, but instead talk to him about you feelings. He doesn't understand it's his job as the man to diffuse this situation. He could have simply said, "You know what, I hear you and I'm going to make more time so we can spend it together. I'm busy right now, but let's go out next weekend."
I'd recommend just being direct with him (again) and letting him know that you appreciate him, but you also want to see him more. It's only natural that a woman who is in love would want to spend more time with her man. He needs to understand this and be willing to come to a compromise. Also know that Virgos tend to like their space in order to think, but seeing each other more than once a week shouldn't be an issue unless his job keep him crazy busy.
If he's unwilling to see you more than once a week, then it may be time to find someone who will.
He is thinking way too logically....
I remember we had several conversations where I would say something like, 'Hey baby are you still coming over' and he'd say, 'Why, what you got planned'? I would literally only want to know just for time's sake, but he would think it was much deeper than that. Like I was trying to be sneaky before he came.
Thing is.... I believe in my heart that he started believing this relationship was too good. Like I couldn't possibly be 100% dedicated to him or I couldn't possibly love him. So he started pulling back and finding ways to mentally destroy us. Or to make me guilty of something. Even making himself unavailable. I know Virgos love space... They need to air out their minds to themselves, but this is not fair to me. I truly tried and he even said I was the best girl he had in almost forever.
He also stated its been a long time since he has been in a relationship and the girl prior to me ( who was just a fuck buddy) sent him through hell. I think he either categorized me with her or forgot how to love. Unfair either way.
I think in this situation though, he simply thinking like a (stubborn) guy. Guys tend to confront problems using logic and reason. So if something doesn't make sense to a guy (for example an emotional issue), there's a chance the guy will try to rationalize his way out of the problem. It's usually why women feel like men don't listen to them.
The simplest thing you can do is let him know that you aren't attacking him, you just are letting him know that you need more time with him. Tell him exactly what you want (2 days, 3 days, etc). If he's unwilling to compromise on this, it may be time to back away. As a man, it's his job to listen to and address your concerns. It sounds like he's become complacent and is only seeing things from his perspective.
I don't think males being brought up today are being raised with a self-less/provider mentality. Take a look at all the guys nowadays who are lazy and don't really have much to go for. Same for the women. How many actually know how to cook? Selective few, but hey! they know how to take fabulous selfies! *sarcasm*
It's all the 'me! me! me! look at me!' instead of the 'let me get my sht together to have something to offer in a relationship' mentality. Things are much more casual and temporary than they were back in the day. People giving up on their marriages instead of compromising and working together.
Many parents are becoming self-centered and raising their kids in emotionally unstable homes. Men and women are being raised desensitized and essentially on their own.
Call me antiquated but some things are actually beneficial in a relationship and in my opinion, can make or break a relationship in the long run.
What's crazy is he actually had the willingness to provide and be a manly man in a household. He didn't mind being a provider or whatever. He couldn't understand that me not seeing him was causing strain in our relationship. If this was someone who I just wanted to smash and pass then I wouldn't care how often I saw him. And if I was one of those girls who was doing her own thing on the side I wouldn't care either. But when you dedicate yourself entirely to a person with no one else, and that person isn't there you get lonely.
I tried telling him that and he couldn't understand. That's our main issue. I think he is a good guy... Well can be a good guy. He has issues, but don't we all?? I tried to work with him, but I just honestly realized I wasn't happy and could no longer continue. At least not like this.
Thing is you guys have different emotional needs. He doesn't feel like he has to change for you because he likes who he is, and honestly I wouldn't either. If he changes his way of being then that would be selfish on your part because he would be completely miserable. Things should flow naturally.
It's the beginning of a relationship right now and honestly it doesn't seem like you guys mesh well.click to expand
Yes yes yes.......
I do believe that to be very true. Leos are perhaps just too over baring for a Virgo. Right now he probably misses me, but is content to live without all the emotional hangup that comes along with me. I need to get a full reading of my chart so I can possibly understand myself a little better.
Posted by desilove333I think his other placements may play a role. Aside from that also know that this isn't strictly an astrological issue. A lot of guys don't know how to handle themselves in relationships. They'll get into the relationship and then expect to coast for a while. This means they'll fail in maintaining the attraction of their women beyond a certain point.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by imbatgirl14You are 100% correct. This was beautifully written and I could not have said it better.Posted by ChuckcemBut see that's the thing. It seems to be a common issue in relationships now. I feel like men/guys nowadays, especially those born in the mid to late 90s and beyond, are falling in the 'me' mentality. Hardly any guy nowadays dates for long term commitment or work towards a loving and stable relationship. Some are truly just messing around, but the other's excuse the lack of emotional commitment by saying 'they can't find a good woman'.Posted by desilove333Hopefully he's not self sabotaging this. In which case he may have some confidence issues to sort through.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Yeah I think the bigger concern is that you've told him there's an issue, but instead of addressing it, he's deflecting it back on to you. You're basically saying, "I'm not happy and I want more of your time" and he's saying, "Well I'm happy and I can't make you happy." From a logical standpoint, he is absolutely correct. Your happiness technically is not his job. However, that's clearly not the point you're trying to make.Posted by blackmoonBut will this change anything??
as a virgo dominant, think he's unsure about your feelings about him..he needs your reassurance and maybe your communication together is lacking..just tell him something sweet..and he will understand. if he's doubtful then always make sure to show your appreciation for what he does..virgos are aloof sometimes without intentionally doing it but sometimes the distancing is intentional, to see if you reciprocate and see how you really feel
See... He doesn't think he is wrong. He doesn't believe that he or his actions is really causingvthe frustration in our relationship. I am a firm believer that if a person wanted to, then they would. No matter what the situation or circumstance. He just ran out of time for me. I know he has things going on, but so do I. It's only so much understanding a person can have.
"He said I'm the one that's unhappy and not him. Then he says he thinks I just want to see what else or who else is out here and he believes I think he isn't good enough for me."
Sounds like he is thinking too logically and as a result he's getting defensive. Basically he's being a guy and thinking with his "guy brain". He's not really hearing what you're saying. He doesn't understand that you're not trying to nag him, but instead talk to him about you feelings. He doesn't understand it's his job as the man to diffuse this situation. He could have simply said, "You know what, I hear you and I'm going to make more time so we can spend it together. I'm busy right now, but let's go out next weekend."
I'd recommend just being direct with him (again) and letting him know that you appreciate him, but you also want to see him more. It's only natural that a woman who is in love would want to spend more time with her man. He needs to understand this and be willing to come to a compromise. Also know that Virgos tend to like their space in order to think, but seeing each other more than once a week shouldn't be an issue unless his job keep him crazy busy.
If he's unwilling to see you more than once a week, then it may be time to find someone who will.
He is thinking way too logically....
I remember we had several conversations where I would say something like, 'Hey baby are you still coming over' and he'd say, 'Why, what you got planned'? I would literally only want to know just for time's sake, but he would think it was much deeper than that. Like I was trying to be sneaky before he came.
Thing is.... I believe in my heart that he started believing this relationship was too good. Like I couldn't possibly be 100% dedicated to him or I couldn't possibly love him. So he started pulling back and finding ways to mentally destroy us. Or to make me guilty of something. Even making himself unavailable. I know Virgos love space... They need to air out their minds to themselves, but this is not fair to me. I truly tried and he even said I was the best girl he had in almost forever.
He also stated its been a long time since he has been in a relationship and the girl prior to me ( who was just a fuck buddy) sent him through hell. I think he either categorized me with her or forgot how to love. Unfair either way.
I think in this situation though, he simply thinking like a (stubborn) guy. Guys tend to confront problems using logic and reason. So if something doesn't make sense to a guy (for example an emotional issue), there's a chance the guy will try to rationalize his way out of the problem. It's usually why women feel like men don't listen to them.
The simplest thing you can do is let him know that you aren't attacking him, you just are letting him know that you need more time with him. Tell him exactly what you want (2 days, 3 days, etc). If he's unwilling to compromise on this, it may be time to back away. As a man, it's his job to listen to and address your concerns. It sounds like he's become complacent and is only seeing things from his perspective.
I don't think males being brought up today are being raised with a self-less/provider mentality. Take a look at all the guys nowadays who are lazy and don't really have much to go for. Same for the women. How many actually know how to cook? Selective few, but hey! they know how to take fabulous selfies! *sarcasm*
It's all the 'me! me! me! look at me!' instead of the 'let me get my sht together to have something to offer in a relationship' mentality. Things are much more casual and temporary than they were back in the day. People giving up on their marriages instead of compromising and working together.
Many parents are becoming self-centered and raising their kids in emotionally unstable homes. Men and women are being raised desensitized and essentially on their own.
Call me antiquated but some things are actually beneficial in a relationship and in my opinion, can make or break a relationship in the long run.
I honestly feel bad for most women in the dating/relationship scene right now. Pickings are slim because guys no longer know how to show up as men. Women are left with so few options it's not even funny. Guys have lost the art of conversation and attraction. I have a lot of thoughts on why this is, but to say it simply, you are spot on with your observation.
To be honest, this Virgo guy sounds like he's gotten lazy and may not want to deal with the "burden" of being in a relationship with a woman. Not knowing the guy, I didn't want to spin it that way. However being a male myself, it REALLY looks like he is far too willing to put the blame on OP. This isn't an uncommon phenomenon though. Usually the woman will leave and the guy will come running back weeks or months later apologizing with sweet words. The woman eventually takes the guy back and it's good for a while...theeeen he gets lazy/complacent again.
This is really crazy and so on point I felt the same way myself. I felt like perhaps he just gave up, like didn't want the pressure of a relationship but wanted everything that came with a relationship. By him saying that it's been a while since he has been in a relationship was almost like maybe he's not ready for one or it's going to take him a while longer to actually really want another one, but it's sad because we definitely had a whole future planned and if he wasn't ready he should have just told me that.
I know that I'm the type of person that needs a lot of attention, a whole lot, but I try to be understanding. This was the first person who I really tried to be understanding with and to let my guard down with and to do what he asked me to do as a woman and yet still nothing. I told him that I think that he doesn't know how to love anymore like he's been too damaged from his past or that something is preventing him from going all the way so I don't know whether or not he has to sit and think about that or whether he could care less to think about it.
I just know that right now it's over between us as far as I'm concerned and he hasn't made any effort to contact me, so I don't know if this is typical Virgo Behavior. I don't know if Virgos take months before they actually come up with a conclusion in their head or maybe it's just a guy thing in general, but I know I can't wait around for him.
click to expand
If you find that your needs aren't being met, there's no reason to assume things will get better magically. The only thing you can do is be honest. If the guy is unwilling to listen to your feelings, it's time to leave.
The other thing to note is that he may be expressing avoidant behavior and may have difficulties with forming close emotional bonds with people.
Posted by desilove333Oh cool, so yeah just plug that information into the link I sent you. It will give you his placements and a synopsis on his traits. His placements are Virgo Sun, Pisces Moon, Virgo Mercury, Cancer Venus, Aries Mars. Here's a guess of what you're dealing with:Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Hm, how long have you know this guy? You were in a relationship right? That seems like a red flag to me. If you've been with this guy, but don't know the year he was born or his place of birth, it's probably not a good sign at this point.Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Do you know his birth date and place of birth? Time of birth is also helpful, but not entirely necessary if you don't know it.Posted by imbatgirl14Posted by desilove333Sounds like a Scorpio moonie or a Scorpio dominant guy. What are his placements?Posted by ChuckcemPosted by desilove333Yeah I think the bigger concern is that you've told him there's an issue, but instead of addressing it, he's deflecting it back on to you. You're basically saying, "I'm not happy and I want more of your time" and he's saying, "Well I'm happy and I can't make you happy." From a logical standpoint, he is absolutely correct. Your happiness technically is not his job. However, that's clearly not the point you're trying to make.Posted by blackmoonBut will this change anything??
as a virgo dominant, think he's unsure about your feelings about him..he needs your reassurance and maybe your communication together is lacking..just tell him something sweet..and he will understand. if he's doubtful then always make sure to show your appreciation for what he does..virgos are aloof sometimes without intentionally doing it but sometimes the distancing is intentional, to see if you reciprocate and see how you really feel
See... He doesn't think he is wrong. He doesn't believe that he or his actions is really causingvthe frustration in our relationship. I am a firm believer that if a person wanted to, then they would. No matter what the situation or circumstance. He just ran out of time for me. I know he has things going on, but so do I. It's only so much understanding a person can have.
"He said I'm the one that's unhappy and not him. Then he says he thinks I just want to see what else or who else is out here and he believes I think he isn't good enough for me."
Sounds like he is thinking too logically and as a result he's getting defensive. Basically he's being a guy and thinking with his "guy brain". He's not really hearing what you're saying. He doesn't understand that you're not trying to nag him, but instead talk to him about you feelings. He doesn't understand it's his job as the man to diffuse this situation. He could have simply said, "You know what, I hear you and I'm going to make more time so we can spend it together. I'm busy right now, but let's go out next weekend."
I'd recommend just being direct with him (again) and letting him know that you appreciate him, but you also want to see him more. It's only natural that a woman who is in love would want to spend more time with her man. He needs to understand this and be willing to come to a compromise. Also know that Virgos tend to like their space in order to think, but seeing each other more than once a week shouldn't be an issue unless his job keep him crazy busy.
If he's unwilling to see you more than once a week, then it may be time to find someone who will.
He is thinking way too logically....
I remember we had several conversations where I would say something like, 'Hey baby are you still coming over' and he'd say, 'Why, what you got planned'? I would literally only want to know just for time's sake, but he would think it was much deeper than that. Like I was trying to be sneaky before he came.
Thing is.... I believe in my heart that he started believing this relationship was too good. Like I couldn't possibly be 100% dedicated to him or I couldn't possibly love him. So he started pulling back and finding ways to mentally destroy us. Or to make me guilty of something. Even making himself unavailable. I know Virgos love space... They need to air out their minds to themselves, but this is not fair to me. I truly tried and he even said I was the best girl he had in almost forever.
He also stated its been a long time since he has been in a relationship and the girl prior to me ( who was just a fuck buddy) sent him through hell. I think he either categorized me with her or forgot how to love. Unfair either way.
I really don't know how to understand placements or whatever. Not sure about how to go about finding it out.
Suggestions—
Throw that info into a natal chart here to learn his placements: http://astro.cafeastrology.com/natal.php
If you need help understanding it, let us know.
I truly only know his birth date which is August 27th......
oh no I know the year.... It was 1988, same as me. If you mean city and state wise as far as birth place it was Detroit, Michigan. I thought you sent real specifics like time and actual hospital or something. And we were dating..... No relationship.
click to expand
You may have a Virgo who is a bit more passive but makes impulsive decisions when he pursues something or someone. Unfortunately this means he's not the best at finishing what he starts and can bore easily when there's not enough excitement in his projects (or relationships).
The Pisces Moon means he may have an ephemeral quality, which means he may be hard to understand/control. He can be a bit too "go with the flow", not liking things to get too heavy emotionally. This is because he feels a lot more than he'd like to admit. An emotional Pisces Moon who is not in tune with their emotions can become temperamental. Also his Cancer Venus is looking for consistency and support. When this isn't provided he may become moody or passive aggressive, opting to lash out or go silent in response to your demands.
I disagree whoheartedly. Remember it takes two to tango, so if neither are dancing to the same beat, then exactly who's to blame? If we are going to stay on who's at fault(in reality it's more complicated) which is a superficial way to look at it, the truth is in most cases the two involved shouldn't have been together in the first place. The sole reason why most relationships don't work is a breakdown in communication. People choose how they respond and if we want things to change we need to respond differently. Also, another problem is that people continue to try to bring in something from the outside instead of generating from within...which is self love and happiness. It's not a man's(or woman's) job to make anybody happy and the truth of this is one relegates themselves to being a child waiting for someone to show up bearing "gifts." It's our job to make ourselves whole and happy and the only thing another person can do is add to that. This is balancing self love with loving others.
As in the OPs case. Given the fact that she doesn't know how to handle the situation, do we not realize that the Virgo is most likely having the same thoughts? Is equally unsure? Hence, they're mirroring each other. The only difference is that she's behaving like a typical fire sign which is being direct and he is acting like a typical earth sign and is going within. But she has a choice as to how she responds. If he's withdrawing then perhaps it should tell her that being confrontational doesn't work and to try a different approach. Can he make a choice and do differently? Absolutely. But in the absence of that, telling her that "it's a man's job" to "step up to the plate and be a man" (no disrespect) is ironically putting a woman and keeping them in the exact predicament they're in by having them continually wait for him to respond...thus keeping them in limbo. Sorry, it's irresponsible to do so. They either recognize that they need to change or they don't but at the end, it's about us personally growing. That is what relationships are about...relating.
As in the OPs case. Given the fact that she doesn't know how to handle the situation, do we not realize that the Virgo is most likely having the same thoughts? Is equally unsure? Hence, they're mirroring each other. The only difference is that she's behaving like a typical fire sign which is being direct and he is acting like a typical earth sign and is going within. But she has a choice as to how she responds. If he's withdrawing then perhaps it should tell her that being confrontational doesn't work and to try a different approach. Can he make a choice and do differently? Absolutely. But in the absence of that, telling her that "it's a man's job" to "step up to the plate and be a man" (no disrespect) is ironically putting a woman and keeping them in the exact predicament they're in by having them continually wait for him to respond...thus keeping them in limbo. Sorry, it's irresponsible to do so. They either recognize that they need to change or they don't but at the end, it's about us personally growing. That is what relationships are about...relating.
Posted by imbatgirl14Interesting, I've never heard someone argue the other side so passionately before. I like how your brain works.
@ChuckcemI believe you are being way to lenient in women. While I do see your point of view and agree with most parts, I actually believe the vast majority of times women perpetuate these men to conduct themselves accordingly.
It's true, but to be fair, it's usually the guy's fault (or at least it has been for a long time). That's not to say that women are completely without blame for the downfall of the dating scene, but men have literally not been able to keep up with what's expected of them.
It's my belief that if a relationship is falling apart (unless the woman was disloyal/dishonest or there was some act of God), it's usually the guy's fault. Meaning if guys were manning up the way they were supposed to, you ladies would have a MUCH easier time dating. I feel that women only play games because they've been trained to in order to "weed" weak men out. The problem is, there are FAR too many weak men, so this behavior is now ingrained in women.
Women had something to offer men decades ago compared to what they do now. Yes women are independent and strong and what not, but at what expense? Families are being deconstructed and women are indoctrinated with fighting the greater power, which feminists has propagated, as the 'man'. They have lost their true Feminity to replace it with masculinity.
While I do agree that women should be in a sense independent and be of self worth, in case anything were to occur (death, divorce, abandonement, empowerment) they take on the role of the man. Which men end up feeling emasculated and society now dictates that they must accept women as they are or hey are condemned as sexists. Just take a look at DXP and all the women on here and do a comparison.
Women are sleeping with men and expecting commitment. Men are no longer working for what they should place as high value. Why? Because women have this new idea, thanks to Feminist propaganda, that they can sleep around without reprocussions and zero judgement. When the reality is different.
No matter how much you wish to change society our biological needs are different. Men are meant to provide and women are meant to uphold the household. Of course couples should cooperate and help each other and be it mutual. but emasculating a man by supporting him, berating him, and harassing him for his share while women fail to meet there's, is hypocritical.
This is the feminist agenda. To take over the male role and still receive the female benefits. It doesn't work that way! Women are the main cause why men are hesitant to commit. They sleep with the guy too soon, expect commitment too soon, give more than they receive, then whine and complain on places like DXP why their 'man' isn't committing.
Not to mention most girls have zero self-respect, but that's a whole other issueclick to expand
My rebuttal would be that feminism isn't the issue. Neo-feminisim (the stuff all of the memes make fun of with the "Triggered" pictures) has been disastrous for actual feminism. Actual feminism isn't about taking on the man's role, but making sure that women have their own rights as human beings (the ability to vote, to work, to have a voice, etc). If women choose to be homemakers and housewives, then great but that should be their choice. Feminism ensures that women have the ability to choose their place in the world.
This is a really good thing too, because while men have traditionally taken on the roles outside of the home, that doesn't mean we're necessarily good at all of them. Women tend to be more patient than men at times and are far more suited for professions that require a steady hand and less testosterone fueled arrogance. As someone who employs women, I can't imagine my workplace without them.
The real issue to the problems you referenced have more to do with men not teaching men how to be men. This problem primarily starts in the home. There are so many homes with vacant/ineffective male role models that a major shift has occurred over the last 50-60 years. We've seen women forced into more masculine roles more out of need than desire. If the father isn't around, the mother has to fill his shoes while also playing her own role. When this happens the kids grow up in an environment where the male role isn't strong or deemed "necessary" in their minds.
Since fathers (or father-like figures) create the template for the man's role in a child's mind, this can have lasting effects well into adulthood. As a result you have girls not knowing what to expect from their relationships. They may find guys who are no good for them and unknowingly enter unhealthy situations. On the flip side they may emulate their mothers and grow up to have a more masculine mentality, thereby creating conflict with the men they do attract. Regardless since dad wasn't around, these women have no idea what to expect when interacting with men romantically.
Likewise the boys do not know how act like men because they were never properly taught. As a result they may become more passive and have a hard time relating to the women around them. Other times they may become more aggressive and emulate their "idea" of what a man is. This is also a phenomenon that has become so common, it permeates our society as a whole. In this case, it's really men who are to blame for walking out on their own kids and families.
Is that to say that women are completely blameless? No, not at all, but I also see that women have had to respond to the actions of men in a lot of different ways. From not being treated fairly, to being forced to carry the brunt of relationships, it makes sense that feminism and neo feminism would become more prominent. Men simply need to take more time training boys how to be men first. Men need to be present with their daughters and create a more positive role model in the home. That's step one.
Posted by desilove333Lol! For sure. Its quite funny, my now bf came from an ex Virgo, as I did-you can imagine how we were when we finally found each other.Posted by LibraLovesHim
Typical Virgo. Exact same experience more or less. They ain't for me unless you want them as a side bitch.
—— seems like there is a lot of people who go through these exact same things with Virgos. I hate to group them together, but everybody can't be wrong lol
click to expand
Posted by beautifulsoul74You are right that relationships take two complete people. It definitely does take communication from both parties too. It soudns like OP has tried to communicate her feelings, which the Virgo deflected back on her. As you said it takes "two to tango" and it seems that the Virgo was willing to let this relationship fall through the cracks.
I disagree whoheartedly. Remember it takes two to tango, so if neither are dancing to the same beat, then exactly who's to blame? If we are going to stay on who's at fault(in reality it's more complicated) which is a superficial way to look at it, the truth is in most cases the two involved shouldn't have been together in the first place. The sole reason why most relationships don't work is a breakdown in communication. People choose how they respond and if we want things to change we need to respond differently. Also, another problem is that people continue to try to bring in something from the outside instead of generating from within...which is self love and happiness. It's not a man's(or woman's) job to make anybody happy and the truth of this is one relegates themselves to being a child waiting for someone to show up bearing "gifts." It's our job to make ourselves whole and happy and the only thing another person can do is add to that. This is balancing self love with loving others.
As in the OPs case. Given the fact that she doesn't know how to handle the situation, do we not realize that the Virgo is most likely having the same thoughts? Is equally unsure? Hence, they're mirroring each other. The only difference is that she's behaving like a typical fire sign which is being direct and he is acting like a typical earth sign and is going within. But she has a choice as to how she responds. If he's withdrawing then perhaps it should tell her that being confrontational doesn't work and to try a different approach. Can he make a choice and do differently? Absolutely. But in the absence of that, telling her that "it's a man's job" to "step up to the plate and be a man" (no disrespect) is ironically putting a woman and keeping them in the exact predicament they're in by having them continually wait for him to respond...thus keeping them in limbo. Sorry, it's irresponsible to do so. They either recognize that they need to change or they don't but at the end, it's about us personally growing. That is what relationships are about...relating.
Maybe that's because the Virgo feels OP is too overbearing. We don't know because we only have OP's side of the story. The point though is, the only thing she can do is communicate with him. If he's not willing to listen and reach an effective compromise, then OP should consider looking for someone who will.
OP did admit she's not in a relationship with this person though. So in which case, it makes more sense to find a guy who is willing to give OP the attention she feels she needs. Her request to be with a man more than once a week isn't entirely outrageous. I'm sure she can find a man who'd be willing to do this for her.
Posted by beautifulsoul74
I disagree whoheartedly. Remember it takes two to tango, so if neither are dancing to the same beat, then exactly who's to blame? If we are going to stay on who's at fault(in reality it's more complicated) which is a superficial way to look at it, the truth is in most cases the two involved shouldn't have been together in the first place. The sole reason why most relationships don't work is a breakdown in communication. People choose how they respond and if we want things to change we need to respond differently. Also, another problem is that people continue to try to bring in something from the outside instead of generating from within...which is self love and happiness. It's not a man's(or woman's) job to make anybody happy and the truth of this is one relegates themselves to being a child waiting for someone to show up bearing "gifts." It's our job to make ourselves whole and happy and the only thing another person can do is add to that. This is balancing self love with loving others.
As in the OPs case. Given the fact that she doesn't know how to handle the situation, do we not realize that the Virgo is most likely having the same thoughts? Is equally unsure? Hence, they're mirroring each other. The only difference is that she's behaving like a typical fire sign which is being direct and he is acting like a typical earth sign and is going within. But she has a choice as to how she responds. If he's withdrawing then perhaps it should tell her that being confrontational doesn't work and to try a different approach. Can he make a choice and do differently? Absolutely. But in the absence of that, telling her that "it's a man's job" to "step up to the plate and be a man" (no disrespect) is ironically putting a woman and keeping them in the exact predicament they're in by having them continually wait for him to respond...thus keeping them in limbo. Sorry, it's irresponsible to do so. They either recognize that they need to change or they don't but at the end, it's about us personally growing. That is what relationships are about...relating.
I actually love this response and you made a bunch of great points as well. I guess all I wanted from him was for him to understand what I was saying the problem was, because every time he told me what a problem was I change myself for him, but he never changed for me. He also never thought that anything he did was wrong, so it made me become very frustrated to the point to where I didn't know what else to do and my emotions did spiral.
Yes, me being a fire sign may have a lot to do with it and my approach to solving problems will never be his approach to solving problems. He rather not speak on them directly. He'd rather not communicate. I was distant early in the relationship and then I allowed myself to be drawn into him and I did start basing my happiness on him. I kind of lost myself. I don't know if this is a typical Leo trait? Perhaps it is, but it was hard not to fall for him.
He did everything that a man should do for a woman in the beginning and then it changed. He told me that he had been hurt several times before and that he had conditioned himself not to ever feel that pain again I don't know if that means he will never be able to love or whether or not its going to take him many years to love again. I was more pressuring, I wanted him to want me the way that I wanted him. I wanted him to see me the way that I saw him and in the beginning he did and then something changed. we changed, and I guess it's one of those things that I have to accept and that I have to learn for the next relationship. To be more focused on self happiness and to allow someone to add to me and not be the sole reason that I'm happy or unhappy I have to make the decision for myself and be better for myself
Posted by NineAvenuePosted by desilove333avoiding the leo drama and a test of you patience....
So after a rough 6 months I finally told my Virgo that I just couldn't do it anymore. We never spent time together anymore, we never talked that much anymore and I just felt as though he was lacking effort. He said he didn't mean to be mean to me and that he cares but I'm tired of waiting for him to show it.
I explained to him over and over and over that me only seeing him once a week (4 times in 30 days) was not good enough. And if we argued it would be one time every other week (2 times in 30 days) that's beyond what I can accept. As a Leo, I want love, time and affection from my partner.
He said I'm the one that's unhappy and not him. Then he says he thinks I just want to see what else or who else is out here and he believes I think he isn't good enough for me. HOW—— How is that the conclusion he comes up with when I have stated and restated that his lack of effort and time is what is driving us apart. Smh.
Anyway.... The last thing he said to me was that he thinks I'm starting not to like him anymore. AGAIN.... him and the point must be enemies because for the life of me he is not paying attention to what I'm saying the problem is. I said I have to walk away from this because I can't get through to him. He never responded. That was four days ago and we haven't spoke since.
Is my Virguy leaving a window open by not responding? Is he thinking everything over or is he just not responding because he is over it as well. Is this a Virgo trait to ignore what is being said and come up with their own reasons why or is he taking in what I said and maybe will come back different? I'm confused and a part of me is ready to move on, but a part of me wonders if he has or not. I just don't know and I can't get Virgos mentality.click to expand
the Leo drama— Its so funny how we are instantly associated with drama. I'd rather call it passion. We just have a lot of it and maybe its more than some people can handle. Maybe more than he could. My patience on the other hand.......is very thin. That I will have to adjust for myself.
Posted by LibraLovesHimPosted by desilove333Lol! For sure. Its quite funny, my now bf came from an ex Virgo, as I did-you can imagine how we were when we finally found each other.Posted by LibraLovesHim
Typical Virgo. Exact same experience more or less. They ain't for me unless you want them as a side bitch.
—— seems like there is a lot of people who go through these exact same things with Virgos. I hate to group them together, but everybody can't be wrong lol
click to expand
I know that these are complicated individuals. My mom told me to stay as far away from him as I could once I told her is sign. They are different.... But I was attracted to his willingness to provide and be gentle and respectful. I was addicted to his addiction for me in the beginning. Then gosh everything changed. He became distant and severely insecure. It has drove me crazy. Yet I still tried. I don't want to feel like I wasted anything because everything happens for a reason, I just need to know what this reason was because I was doing just fine 6 months ago before we met ?
I am also 3 years into a relationship with a Virgo man. I can completely relate to you! You have 2 choices; ignore your loneliness & do your own thing that will hopefully be fulfilling enough, & see him on his own terms i.e. Once in a while we connect but I don't need you for my own happiness/fulfillment. Or 2: cut your losses & leave now. They are interesting to figure out, but once you do, you'll be surprised at how little is really there, beyond a concrete mind set that they are right! It is cute tho'........
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I explained to him over and over and over that me only seeing him once a week (4 times in 30 days) was not good enough. And if we argued it would be one time every other week (2 times in 30 days) that's beyond what I can accept. As a Leo, I want love, time and affection from my partner.
He said I'm the one that's unhappy and not him. Then he says he thinks I just want to see what else or who else is out here and he believes I think he isn't good enough for me. HOW—— How is that the conclusion he comes up with when I have stated and restated that his lack of effort and time is what is driving us apart. Smh.
Anyway.... The last thing he said to me was that he thinks I'm starting not to like him anymore. AGAIN.... him and the point must be enemies because for the life of me he is not paying attention to what I'm saying the problem is. I said I have to walk away from this because I can't get through to him. He never responded. That was four days ago and we haven't spoke since.
Is my Virguy leaving a window open by not responding? Is he thinking everything over or is he just not responding because he is over it as well. Is this a Virgo trait to ignore what is being said and come up with their own reasons why or is he taking in what I said and maybe will come back different? I'm confused and a part of me is ready to move on, but a part of me wonders if he has or not. I just don't know and I can't get Virgos mentality.