Very confusing Virgo

I was looking for some advice from all the Virgos out there about a man I met about 6 months ago. We met through my work (my second job is a barmaid and he's a patron) and the chemistry was instant, for me at least. We started hanging out in a group setting and then we started hanging out just the two of us at his house, sitting up all night talking. He told me he'd never met anyone like me and he could talk to me about anything. To start with we would cuddle a bit, usually initiated by me and then one night he was all over me, just kissing and cuddling, no sex. The next day he kissed me good bye and then the next time I seen him it wasn't mentioned. He has done that one other time, with the same ending. Then it all stopped. He has told me that he doesn't want to be with anyone as he was hurt badly, 20 years ago mind you, and that he likes his life style of working away and enjoying long holidays away, but his actions tell me a different story.
I quite often catch him looking at me and he stares at me with those Virgo eyes. He has introduced me to all his close friends, we will often spend 4 out of 7 nights hanging out together when he's not working (mostly initiated by me, but not always, and he never says no) and he has taken me to his beach house a few times.
It's at the beach house we're the problems started. Once when we went there we had spent 2 nights there alone and then on the third night his friend arrived. We all had a bit to drink but he got really aggressive towards me. His friend said he had never seen him like that in the 20 years he had known him and was quite shocked. Virgo told his friend the next morning that he did like me but didn't know what to do about it. When I questioned him about his behavior all he said was "I got too close" and wouldn't discuss it any further. Everything was fine again after that until we went back to his beach house this weekend. The first night was great, the second day we had a great day but he got angry at me that night for no reason but quickly went to bed. The third day started off a little tense but we got passed it and had another great day. That night though he started picking on me again. I kept just ignoring his comments, or laughing them off but he wouldn't let up and then exploded at the end over me putting too much wood on the fire. It was only 3 little logs, wtf!!!

The next day he wouldn't talk to me at all and it was very awkward. If I tried to talk to him he would just use one word answers. If I had my car there I would've gone home but I was in his car. Then this morning he woke me up at 6am and said it was time to go and he was all packed up and ready to go. He even had the car running before I even got out of bed! He never spoke again all the way home, it's a 2 hour drive. When we got back to his house I loaded up my car with my things and left.
I don't know what to do now. This is just not like him to be like this. Is that it? What is getting him so stirred up? Will I hear from him again? Should I text him? Sorry for all the questions but I really don't know what to do. I was just starting to feel we were getting closer too. People already think we're a couple because we are together so often. He leaves for work in 2 days time but only for 3 days so I don't know whether to attempt to find out what's going on before he leaves or wait till he comes back. I'm at such a loss as to what his problem is and I'm totally gutted by this as I have developed very strong feelings for him. Any advice would be soo appreciated and I apologize for such a long post.

Give him some space and i wouldn't contact him. Stand up for yourself and refuse to allow him to treat you that way. It really is that simple. If he wants you, he'll make those changes. And from my experience, they are moody.

Posted by piscesgirl73

If I had my car there I would've gone home ...."

Well, that's a crock of shit.

He's given signal after signal to you that he doesn't want an emotional relationship. He wants to hang out because he likes your company, but, he doesn't want anything more serious than that .. and all of his signals are saying that.

You completely ignore all of them because you want it to mean what you want it to mean.

You've have plenty of opportunities to go home, and leave him be .. you don't ever do that.

Posted by piscesgirl73

This is just not like him to be like this.

Of course it's like him.

Posted by piscesgirl73

That night though he started picking on me again. I kept just ignoring his comments, or laughing them off but he wouldn't let up and then exploded at the end over me putting too much wood on the fire. It was only 3 little logs, wtf!!!

click to expand

In reality, you have described several situations in which he is just like that.

You have chosen to ignore it.

You can't control what he does, you CAN control what you do ... and you choose to ignore all the signs he has been given you that says he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you .. and then you come in here to say you don't get it, as if he's being mysterious and giving you mixed signals.

Nope, no mixed signals at all .. the only thing confusing is you, in that you ignore what is right in front of your face because you simply can't bear for it to be other than what you want it to be.

As a Virgo Guy, we can be moody, but I have to agree with @ P-Angel. He's just not interested or he doesn't want to go too far just yet. It takes someone really special to break us down into a commitment or a serious relationship in six months time. I have never experienced that in my life and I'm 30. The ex I liked the most so far I made wait for two years before we ever did anything other than kiss & she was beautiful and willing. I would fight myself in front of her (not like this guy)my mind arguing with my body. My mind always won. If he likes you, give him room to decide he does. This is the only way to actually suceed with one of us. We like women who know there own value and know they are worthy of all the respect and honor in the world. We would rather wait 5 years for a kiwi than sully our pallets with a pear. If we happen to eat a couple of pears on the way.. oh well. But don't think for one second that we wouldn't spit it out of our mouths even if it kept us alive for 4 years at the first sight of a kiwi. We are fully aware of what we want at all times. When it comes our way we will get it even if it rips the earth in half like an apple flings the halves into the void....

If you really want to win him over though, know who you are. Forget about him. A regal personality above anything petty will win us every time. Like Snow White and Cinderella combined, hard working, confident, and having your own interests & life to live. Not snooty or arrogant in anyway. Good luck...

Piscesgirl:

We virgos (well, people in general) don't always know how to set clear boundaries when it comes to relationships, so we go along to be agreeable when should be communicating in no uncertain terms exactly what we can and won't do. I have found myself in that predicament a lot in my life. Then I get so frustrated because the other person didn't get my cryptic message, that I get upset and explode and lash out at them.

So while you have to take responsibility for what you failed to see and accept (that he was not ready for a the kind of relationship you want and just liked your company), he also didn't do everything it took to make it extremely clear to you his limitations. He did. It set clear boundaries from the get go.

If he's traumatized by something 20 years ago, I don't see how he can ever be ready. 20 years to heal from a breakup shows he has other priorities in his life. Best to move on and ignore him completely. If he wants to talk to you again, let him come to you, initiate conversation, initiate any move.

I meant "he didn't set clear boundaries from the get go."

Thanks everyone for your advice. You have all told me the thing I was avoiding seeing, he doesn't want me in that way. I think I have been one of those silly girls that ignores all the signs because it's not what I wanted to see or hear, but I will stand by the fact that his signs have been a bit mixed. For starters you don't tell your friend you like someone if you don't.

I have to admit though I am still extremely surprised at his bad behavior towards me. Every single person that I have met that knows him not only thinks he's a good guy, they all think he is just wonderful. I'm sure there would be a lot of very surprised and shocked people if I told them about how he's acted towards me. Not that I would. That's why I said it's just not like him. He's usually so easy going. Obviously he's pretty good at hiding that side of him to most people. He's only done it twice, with about a two month gap between each time, but I did tell him after the first time that I won't tolerate that kind of behavior. I'm pretty sure he knows that I am not the kind of girl that will be used as a door mat. He did tell me once that he thought I was too good for him. Maybe this is what he was talking about.

I have a few male admirers around and I know he doesn't like that because he will often have a sarcastic comment about them, even though he knows I'm not interested in them, but I wouldn't be surprised if he decides he won't even be a friend anymore (with a lot less contact) and thinks he's better off leaving me to them. I'd still like to be his friend, even if it is on a more casual basis.

I will not contact him because that would just be condoning the bad behavior but I am a little scared that I won't hear from him either. You can't just switch your feeling off (wish you could) and as crappy as he has been I would still want him in my life as a friend than not at all. We had such a good time together.

i would think its all your fault piscesgirl73

Posted by HouseCleaning
i would think its all your fault piscesgirl73

Can I ask how you come to that conclusion??

Everything a person does is their fault, or their success ... whatever the outcome.

I must agree with P_Angel also...Believe me if he wanted something more than a friendship with you he would of let you know...Sometimes we want to be taught like small kids and want a simple yes or no...Maybe he doesn't want to hurt you and just come out and say it...Move on go out with other people, have fun..if he wants you believe me a Virgo knows how to find you and make you his. Good luck😉

If I understand you correctly 25thDecan then I don't think this has anything to do with sex at all. When his friend arrived at the beach house it had nothing to do with me and all about them going fishing. When he told his friend that he liked me but didn't know what to do about it, his friend had to pry that out of him. He initially denied it, and this I know because I overheard the whole conversation, so it really wasn't about ego.
I'm a Pisces and I do seem to have a 6th sense about people. I think working in bars and as a sales rep for a long time also has helped me to read people. I am also 39 and have been single and casually dating for the last 10 years so I'm also not young and new to the whole dating game. This guy has totally got me confused. I have tried to step back and look at the situation from a distance and I keep coming up with the same answers. I think this guy has some serious issues when it comes to relationships and I also think he is struggling internally as to what to do about our situation.
I am definitely going to give him space to sort out what it is he wants. Everyone is correct in saying that if he wants me he will come back and if he doesn't then it was never going to happen anyway. And I work at his local pub so it's not like I'll never see him again and hopefully one day we can become friends again albeit a little more casual.

From your first entry: (The next day he kissed me good bye and then the next time I seen him it wasn't mentioned. He has done that one other time, with the same ending. Then it all stopped.)

Speaking from experience, and I mean no disrespect, but being and knowing Virgos all my life, it could be as simple as your grammar, which, in this case is either a typo or the way that you speak.

Good luck, but I'd let this fish go.

Posted by BeachMama
From your first entry: (The next day he kissed me good bye and then the next time I seen him it wasn't mentioned. He has done that one other time, with the same ending. Then it all stopped.)

it could be as simple as your grammar

Lol...