Virgo Retreat is a Good Thi (Page 3)

P - i understand how you feel completely and exactly cuz that is how i have been feeling -- and yeah, same thing, have good sex, but no intimacy/emotional connection.... so i pull away and am a b at times cuz i feel hurt and anger toward him...

but... when i said i'm done and i need emotional connection he's like 'i can do that - it's easy' ha!!!! it's not EASY!! men don't get it, but it doesn't mean he's not trying..... i do understand what you are saying....

i'm not saying to change him -- just give him the chance to treat you better -- pay attention, talk, be more emotionally close -- give him that chance -- not try to 'change him' - cuz you can't change anyone....

and woodsnake i feel the same about Virgo guy - can't stop thinking about him (he is 8-3/4 years younger than me too!) and i have even been occasionally txting or emailing -- i know i shouldn't but i can't seem to help it.... in a way i feel disgusted or mad at myself for being so weak....

anyway, i want to go on a cruise.... you will have great time!....

It's too late, lindawin . . it's gotten to a point now where I would rather die than have him physically . . once you get to that point (cringing, stomach turning) it's gone.

I'm glad you were able to talk to your man and that he's trying to do what he needs to do to be more attentive to your needs. I hope he is able to find the two of you again.

The cruise is gonna be cool, but, I'm kind of scard of the ocean, so, I'll have to over come that. From what I'm told, it's like a whole city on the water . . she says cruise ships have EVERYTHING to do.

Yeah, woodsnake . . imagine how easy it is for you and all women to fall in love with just a glance from a man? Now imagine a woman doing that to you !!!!

Holy shit . . no wonder they scare easy . . I'd be running for the hills . .yikes

I have been on one cruise in my life -- my honeymoon! It was great -- now that have even more -- it is like a whole city on a ship! I am afraid of ocean too -- but it is so HUGE you don't even realize it and just wear a patch for sea sickness -- that helps! Anyway,you will have great time...

Yeah, i hope we can 'reconnect' again and i will feel love and passion for him again -- right now i feel love -- but not that kind of romantic/want him love.... i don't really want to do it with him but i do occasionally for myself... i dunno.. and then txting/emailing other who doesn't respond, god sometimes i could just kick myself!

it's so hard! at least you guys don't have kids tho.... it would be so much easier...

It's too dark . . no soul . . no remorse . . wretch

Ok, let me clear this up . . my mom said I crawled to the water (we had lake property) and swam at around 8 months old . . couldn't even walk, yet, lol. Was water-skying before I could walk . . could probaly swim across the Atlantic without tiring, or drowning, if I had a mind to . . . thanks to goddamned Peter Benchly . . absolutely terrified of . . . S H A R K S

At one time, my body was smoking . . large breasted . . that was never a problem, except now they're sitting on my knees, lol Having them lifted wouldn't be a bad idea, but, certainly don't need any more . . . "DDD"

I've just let myself go and I fully realize it's apart of my self-image that has gone downhill with my marriage . . but, I'm not doing it anymore . . thanks to all you wonderful women who have shown me, that at any age, I can still be hot.

You're all Scorpio's . . what the hell ——?? That's weird. Anyway, thanks, ladies. I was giving up, I realize that now. But, it doesn't mean I have to continue to sink further into my self-pity . . I will rise, I will overcome.

I know it seems like I'm wallowing, Rox, and I am . . but, I'm trying to get this shit out before I literally die . . and dying is something I think about all the time. But, I don't want to think about suicide anylonger and so, here I am, trying to get it out.

I know it seems depressing and I'm sorry if I'm bringing you down . . but, I don't know how to get it out, except to talk.

Anyway . . this IS making me stronger, knowing that other women can relate. This cruise is in February and . . . you mean, I have to "dress up" for dinner? I thought this was suppose to be a relaxing and casual thing . . I better look into it . . certainly don't want to be wearing jeans and t-shirt, while all the ladies are looking elegant . . that would make me feel really stupid.

Thanks, Rox, linda, vgm . . your compassion and sensitivity means EVERYTHING to me . . I'm gonna be my own woman, and my own person. Might take me a while . . but, I will not only survive . . I will conquer my fears

Smooches (and not lesbo ones)

Shit, Rox . . I just realized what you said . . I didn't mean to talk about my boobs like that . . that was insensitive . . my apologies, hun.

** foot inserted into mouth **

You know, I was thinking . . after my cruise (which apparantly will take some planning on the whole wardrobe thing . . more work than I thought), I have to prepare for another grandchild, who's due on my birthday . . yeah . . another fish girl. If she goes past that time . . we'll have another Ram . . anyway . . I'm gonna get a job BEFORE I have a talk with hubby. I'm thinking that IF I'm working, even if it's puny and a dead-end job . . it's at least ALL MINE and something to hold onto so I don't fall on my face when he throws crap at me, like, "How ya gonna support yourself".

Maybe that sounds silly, but, everything I have is HIS, too . . and a job outside the home will be all mine . . that, in itself, will be all kinds of warning lights flashing in his face because he does NOT want me working . . period.

What do you think? Good plan?

VGM - good to see you here! - 'Emotionally divorced'... I like that term. It does seem to describe what the end of a marriage is like. I remember all too well what it felt like to completely emotionally remove myself from my marriage. I totally stopped looking to my husband for any kind of response whatsoever. After that, I just would walk away any time a conversation became confrontational or unpleasant. I felt nothing! I could never get any feeling back now either. Don't get me wrong - I still care and am friends with my ex - but anything further could never happen. I have no intention of letting another relationship go that way either. I think you are wise to recognize your weakness, I am much the same and are aware of your part in having a relationship go stale.

P-Angel - you are only half done girl (god willing)!!! OK - like the rest of us you devoted the first half to family but there can be LOTS of time left for you! It starts right now if you want. You are thinking waaayyyy to much about what WAS. Now if you could spend the same energy thinking about where you can go from here just think about the plans you can make. One thing though... a lot of us here had marriages end at this time of our life for a lot of the similar reasons as you have. But don't let that affect your decision... we have found ourselves here at DXP because we were having problems dealing with new relationships LOL!!!

I took a course a number of years ago after being let go from a job from a human resources company that had us investigate what we wanted to do for a career. A group of us spent two weeks analysing our resources and desires to come up with a direction. I ended up picking a new career and going back to school for two years. I was about 35 then, but I'd do it again right now if I was in the same position. I sure don't FEEL any older than I did then.

This isn't ALL about your marriage, it's about what you want in life in general. What do you want for your life with or without a man? How can either of you be happy if you are dissatisfied with yourself?

The cruise should be great - I don't know much about them but I don't think they are all formal - or you can choose where you want to dine/dance... There's a new resolution for us both - travel more!!! I don't know about you but during the time I spent raising my family I didn't get many opportunities to travel. I'd love to do more...

Scorpgal

P-Angel - I wrote my comments before I read your last post.

Yes, yes, yes!!! Do it!

sorry, I had to smoke a cig . . dammmmmmmiiiiiiiittttttttt

And I was doing so good too . . I fell, I'm so weak.

Alright . . I have olive colored skin, is that what you mean?

I like earth tones.

Rox . . the only person you have to justify yourself to . . is yourself.

You, along with these other ladies have taught me that . . I'm not meaning to sway you and it's none of my business . . but, you don't have to answer to anybody about your actions. An Aries has been dictating your life for a long, long time . . think about that . . attempting to make you feel guilty.

Anyway . . like I said, it's not my business, so, I'll talk to you later.

But, I have to be mindful of the top-load . . it takes me forever to pick something out because my figure is wierd . . if I don't wear something that minimizes the part above my belly-button, then I look tremendous all around . . the only other thing is to look slutty and show cleavage . . I don't like that look . . too sleazy.

greens, i like, though probably shouldn't because of my colouring. Someone told me that I should wear yellow, but, i don't like that . . it makes me feel blah.

I am just thrilled that there are other women in their 40s on here that are either going through the same thing or have already gone through the pain and have come out triumphant on the other side! It's so great to talk to others in the same boat....

but roxi, you and i are in different situation -- we have young children still at home and we have husbands who tell us they love us and say we are hot, etc.... and they don't want to get a divorce or separate or anything along those lines...

but yet here we are still unsure of IF THIS IS IT is it gonna make me happy for the next 20 to 40 years—? we want to have fun, adventure, love and romance, yet we still have major responsibilities.... it's hard!

so VGM - you are scorpio too great! i was thinking wait, she has V in her name, she is virgo, but then read your name... so wow, to go back into being mom to youngones again -- huge decision... i like your plan to just live alone but how long can that last if it's real love/soulmate stuff -- is he the virgo that 'got you'?

scorpgal - how long were you married? it's funny that SOME men go thru mid-life crises with the younger gal, the hot car/cycle.. but it seems like ALL women go thru the painful/emotional phase of it... i dunno maybe it's the same....

my question is this... if i'm so fabulous -- like you guys i am an attractive intelligent scorpio who looks 10 years younger than her mid-40s actual age, but why if i'm so fabulous am i pining away for Virgo guy who is not responding at all to me now.... why am i doing this to myself... why can't i let him go...
i keep telling myself to work on my marriage with the man who loves me... and yet i still think about virguy all the time...

Dy - yeah, thanks, but i really want some advice on this.... i know it's cuz he's married too and 'cant do this' but still when you talked to someone for over 6 months EVERYDAY you get close/connected -- it has not been like that for 6 months tho, but still.... i miss talking to him, i want him to contact me... i have sent him a couple of nice emails... do you have any advice for how i can get him to respond Dy?

also, just wanted to say in my scorpio way, it sounds like you almost feel guilty or something for deb being 9 years younger, that's NOT that much younger --especially when people are in their late 30s and 40s.... don't worry about it!!

But yet, i agree with you, i do think it is basically a mid-life crises, but - and this question is for all you women too -- does that mean that if you leave, then when the 'crises' is over - a couple years down the road, you regret and wish you could have it back -- like VGM's guy did? or do you feel happy and content and so glad that you got out when you did, even if it was due to hormones—??

THanks!

of course, i'm generalizing here, i know that every situation/marriage is unique and unto its own.... i'm just asking tho... are you happier that you left or do you feel like you wish you had stayed and worked through it?

Yes, i think i understand that about Virgos years of consideration for a major decision like divorce.... but he has told me in past he's not happy, rarely is intimate, etc..... anyway, i guess he stays cuz of kid and money -- afraid to lose both....

do you think his wife 'knows' what he does/how unhappy he is... i mean as a Virgo guy do you hide it well when around spouse? what made you finally leave after 20 years Dy?

anyway, i guess i should just let him be and see if he responds or try sending him an email in a month or so, but leave him alone right now.... that's what i am thinking...

so you never had an affair or anything toward end of 1st marriage?.... Virgos are faithful and yet when unhappy i think they can not be -- but i was the exception to all his one night stands.... that is why i think he can't deal with me...

Wow, I am "really" worried about my future now. I always try to look at the bright side, but after reading so many similar posts from you ladies, it is hard to keep optimistic. Maybe I should go on that cruise first.

Anyway, back to the original thread (if I may)...

Well, he is in hibernation after our last incident... No surprise there, as I said, I was sure it'll come. But this time, I did not let him go by himself. I followed up with a text message a week later, and gave him some more clarification of my interest. Not too much though, just a slight touch - finish to let him know that I was happy to exchange this *contact* with him. Saw him next day, he avoided me again. One day later, he was still staying away, but... I catched a glance from him as he was talking with a group of people nearby. He was shy, but alerted. he did not reply my text, he never does, but last time it took him almost 3 weeks to get hot, and now he is frozen again. I am thinking, in case he really had nothing to do with me, and I created everything in my mind, the way the behaves (complete turn arounds in such short period of times) shows me that there must be something.

Am I wrong? (As P-Angel warned)

You know . . maybe we should just to hell with them all . . just jump on the boat, cruise around the Carribean, drink margarita's and have the time of our lives WITHOUT them.

Wouldn't that be fun?

I think linda had an excellent idea . . we should all hook up. And since Dyr is out-of-commission with his "testy testes" . . he doesn't need Deb . . we'll take her with us.

thanks roxi.... again, you are right... we do 'scare' them.... he even told me that once.... - he meant i was 'too much' for him.... but once scorpio women are 'in love' we ARE IN -- we give everything - body and soul -- we are emotional, intense and passionate -- i was too much for him -- especially in our 'situations' --- so i know it is for the best that he asked me not to contact him anymore... cuz i CAN'T DO IT ANYMORE.... i guess i should have left it at FU a month ago, but no, i couldn't leave well enough alone... i had to feel bad and go back and write him nice, sappy emails, saying i was sorry or that i wanted to still talk to him again..... oh well, if it's meant to be that we see each other in future (which is extremely doubtful) it will happen... but now, i have got to make a fresh start.... know that it is over... even tho it really has been for awhile... and even tho i just saw him in november.... still, i have to let go and move on.....

gotta work on the real relationship... hope i can get that back to something that feels good and where i feel 'in love' again.... how do you do that roxi with your aries.... just 'do it' and the feelings start to come back?....

roxi - i was writing while you sent your last message.... no i didn't read that stuff about your infidelity -- don't let others make you feel bad, you can make yourself feel bad, you don't need to hear it from others... as you said, we all do what we got to do....

i really can't see me leaving.... my life is too set up.... my H loves me even tho deep down he probably 'knows' that i have been unfaithful this past year or two... and even tho i have been distant and a biatch many times.... he wants to stay and have the marriage work -- for his sake,for the kids sake, etc...

i feel like my life is my family... even tho a huge part of me also feels - at this point in my life -- like now should be MY TIME -- but that's not possible with young kids, etc.... so i guess i need to work on my marriage to have it be something that i am happy with again and if it's not that after several more years i guess i could get out if needed... but you are right, i need to get Virgo out of my head/heart and deal with the real thing...

but yes, i did have a relationship with him - even if he did not want to admit that -- he would tell me 'i think about you ALL the time'.... i know it was real and mutual --- it's just he couldn't do it anymore, w/o the guilt, etc. and we both knew we weren't/couldn't/wouldn't leave our situations......

anyway, so how do you 'work' on your relationship with your aries? how do you make it work, make yourself feel happy again? ....

oh also roxi, yes, i agree, I DON"T want to just have more affairs, etc. throughout my marriage.... i REALLY DON'T... altho maybe a small part of me does sometimes think - as you did -- that what if i meant someone who swept me off my feet and loved me and wanted me to 'run away with him' .... and i felt the same of course.... then yeah, sometimes i think woldn't that be romantic and exciting.... but that's fairy tale novels.... no man is gonna 'save me' or rescue me from my situation..... i didn't intend to have relationship with Virgo - it happened tho and it was real... and now it's over and i gotta let it be......

lindawin I pm'd you hope thats ok

woodsnake -- THANK YOU! i responded...

roxi - thanks for the last line,,, it made me start crying again....

God, i am such an emotional bsket-case right now....

i like sex too -- but i have such an emotional connection/basis for it that if i don't feel emotionally close/connected -- i can't/won't do it.... so we haven't for awhile.... even tho i know he of course wants it, i think i will give in tho cuz i need it... but what does that say....

i mean i always wanted it with other guy -- was it becuz it was new or exciting -- no, i think it was becuz i felt an emotional connection with him...

you must feel something with him when you have such great sex, no? wow, that's really surprising to me.... but whatever works for you.. so he doesn't live with you, just spends time... well are you going to end it or make it work for kids?

i think i do still love him, but don't know that i am 'in love' with him....

Hello Everyone,

A little update on my story: Well, me and my Virgo talked about going on a casual date, but our schedules were so tight this past week that we could not do it yet. He was the one asking for it.

The ones who had been reading my posts already know that I had been into this guy for 11 months, and some DXPers were telling me I should have given up on him long time ago.

I say NO, I won't. I really like him and the fact that he is really slow in leading -or following- will not make any difference.

It still may not work, but I'll hang on. Nothing in this life comes with a warranty.