Short Stories/Scenes

I enjoy writing short stories and scenes. Below is a scene about a character named Shriek. I should point out that Shriek is a ghoul. I would love any critique.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Shriek crawls through the storage space, his eyes wide as he stares at all the curios. He reaches a hand up and places a gentle claw on an oil painting depicting a woman attired in sailor's garb with a wooden peg-leg. Shriek's eyes fixate on the leg as the ghoul sways side-to-side excitedly.

"Furry pretty stick claw," he slurs quietly before moving on. His claw foot strikes a child's toy, a wooden steam-tank and sends it tumbling. Shriek drops to all fours and explodes forward, nearly catching the toy before it stops.

He breathes hard as he looks over it, examining it carefully. A sharp claw flick sets one of the wooden wheels into motion.

A fine layer of dust begins coating the ghoul as he continues rummaging through the storage space. Brooms, a suit of armor, and a troll totem from far away lands are all inspected with wide eyes, and prodded and poked with sharp talons.

Shriek's haunt comes to stop when his eyes widen, and he lifts to his face: a small wooden ship, ran aground on glued-together sand. Blue-dyed resin makes up the splash of rolling ocean and miniature seagulls wheel overhead, held aloft by thin shoots of oak.

The ship-in-a-bottle fixates the ghoul. He runs his claws gently over the fine exterior of the bottle. Elegant swirls coalesce into the maker's stamp on the glass, 'Mythewood's Finest Rum,' but the words are unread as Shriek gives the bottle a slight shake.

Shriek lowers the bottle after shaking it, his eyes fixating on slight movement within the bottle. A tiny, wooden pirate's arm holding a minute metal saber, swings back and forth mechanically.

Shriek hisses, fogging up the bottle and gives it another shake, this time much harder. "Crunchy is wanting hunting Shriek," he screeches as he waves the bottle around. He again lowers it, and peers within, his eyes pressed nearly to glass. He growls low in his throat when his eyes find the small pirate, it's arm waving even more vigorously this time.

"Shriek taking bottle tiny crunchy. Bottle is Shriek," he hisses and glares hatefully at the wooden figure through the glass. "Shriek gonna bite bite bite bite," his sharp teeth snap together loudly as he threatens the figure within. Shriek watches the small pirate carefully, expecting the small figure to the flee the bottle. The pirate's arm eventually comes to a stop and Shriek drops the bottle, a menacing, growl low in his throat. The bottle clunks thickly as Shriek drops it. It spins in the dust as the ghoul flashes across the storage space. He disappears behind a few wooden and dusty crates in a smooth bound.

The shadows creep and grow as the sun sets and finally sinks. The ghoul squats motionlessly behind the crates. He doesn't breathe, and his wide, back eyes remain open. Hours roll past until the last bit of light extinguishes and gloom reigns.

Like a mannequin come to life, the ghoul blinks and his nostrils flare. He drops forward from his squat onto his feet and hands and creeps from behind the crates. The ghouls is silent, only the low light reflecting from his eyes.

Aneema? 😂🤣

Btw I don't like the name Shriek.

salad fingers energy