HappyCapper
@HappyCapper
10 Years5,000+ Posts
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The Writing Competition
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Assignment number 1.
For this assignment I will focus my judging especially on character description/creation. I don’t just want a description, straight up, though – I want a character driven story. The word “box” also needs to be present in the story. You may write this assignment as a poem, if you want, but if you do, you don’t need to include the word “box.”
You have from now until 6 July at 19:00 CEST. Make it a maximum of 500 words and in third person, limited, and preferably close to the main character’s mind.
If you feel you have already understood the assignment perfectly, feel free to skip the following text.
To further explain what I want for this assignment, I will submit a story (just below). I will comment on it further below the text.
For this assignment I will focus my judging especially on character description/creation. I don’t just want a description, straight up, though – I want a character driven story. The word “box” also needs to be present in the story. You may write this assignment as a poem, if you want, but if you do, you don’t need to include the word “box.”
You have from now until 6 July at 19:00 CEST. Make it a maximum of 500 words and in third person, limited, and preferably close to the main character’s mind.
If you feel you have already understood the assignment perfectly, feel free to skip the following text.
To further explain what I want for this assignment, I will submit a story (just below). I will comment on it further below the text.
Bernt waded slowly through the pond, fishing rod hanging over his shoulder and the fishing box in his hand. He was definitely getting old. In his younger days he hadn’t felt the tension in his calves and his breath hadn’t been irregular like it was now. The sky and the water were pale grey and the reeds pale green. Everything lacked color these days, even Karen’s newly baked bread and her skin that used to be lightly tanned with rosy cheeks. Smooth. She had fastened the little grey hat to her head with pins in front of the mirror, and smoothed her bleached waves of silky hair with her fingers. And then she had slipped into the ash grey uniform, the female version of the real men’s uniform that she and the other girls were to wear that evening.
In Korea, the sky had been just as pale, but everything else had been brightly colored. The leaves had been a full green and the flowers bright yellow and red and blue, like in little Emma’s drawings. But that was Korea, not Anderton. Green and red and blue Korea. Yellow. Yellow treacherous faces hiding everywhere. Red. Trust no one.
Pale. Henry Morrison Insurance Ltd. White newly ironed shirts, white walls and white sheets of paper. Clean. Perfect. Bleak. Income. Yellow receptionist, the smile turning into a snarl the second you turn.
Karen had been standing there with the other girls, in a neat row, singing loudly and kicking her legs high up in the air, tears rolling down one cheek. But she had kept singing and kicking and smiling. And then he had turned around, sharply and in unison with his fellows, marching rhythmically, passing strained smiles, proud smiles, brave smiles, on his way to become a hero.
There had been no fishing rod over his shoulder in Korea, but there had been a box. A box he had to carry after the loss of his grenade belt and from which he had brought the grenade that had killed that yellow piece of shit. He had worn it over his shoulder with a strap over his uniform and backpack. A man. A yellow son of a bitch of a man, quickly looking up over the tall grass. A man not expecting him there. A man showing surprise. A man who’s skin had blown apart, been torn apart, by the fission of the grenade and had landed on Bernt, who was now wading slowly through the pond, cleaving the pale reeds with his free hand, on his way to make another kill.
In Korea, the sky had been just as pale, but everything else had been brightly colored. The leaves had been a full green and the flowers bright yellow and red and blue, like in little Emma’s drawings. But that was Korea, not Anderton. Green and red and blue Korea. Yellow. Yellow treacherous faces hiding everywhere. Red. Trust no one.
Pale. Henry Morrison Insurance Ltd. White newly ironed shirts, white walls and white sheets of paper. Clean. Perfect. Bleak. Income. Yellow receptionist, the smile turning into a snarl the second you turn.
Karen had been standing there with the other girls, in a neat row, singing loudly and kicking her legs high up in the air, tears rolling down one cheek. But she had kept singing and kicking and smiling. And then he had turned around, sharply and in unison with his fellows, marching rhythmically, passing strained smiles, proud smiles, brave smiles, on his way to become a hero.
There had been no fishing rod over his shoulder in Korea, but there had been a box. A box he had to carry after the loss of his grenade belt and from which he had brought the grenade that had killed that yellow piece of shit. He had worn it over his shoulder with a strap over his uniform and backpack. A man. A yellow son of a bitch of a man, quickly looking up over the tall grass. A man not expecting him there. A man showing surprise. A man who’s skin had blown apart, been torn apart, by the fission of the grenade and had landed on Bernt, who was now wading slowly through the pond, cleaving the pale reeds with his free hand, on his way to make another kill.
In this example, the main character is referred to as “he” or “him” or “his”…making this a third person narration. The narration doesn’t start very close to the main character’s mind, but moves slowly into that direction, at times being very close…and then in the end zooming out again, just a little.
The narrator is limited as to the main character’s point of view – we learn nothing that is not “seen” through the “eyes” of the main character…except for one thing:
Although close to the main character’s mind, we are still not the actual main character(it’s “he”, not “I”), which makes it possible for us to see sides to Bernt’s character that he, himself, may or may not be aware of. His view of the receptionist may, for instance, not make him seem like a reliable character. And since(/if) we (the readers) realize this, we actually know a little bit more than the main character does.
Hope this helps explain the assignment a bit better. Again, good luck!🙂
The narrator is limited as to the main character’s point of view – we learn nothing that is not “seen” through the “eyes” of the main character…except for one thing:
Although close to the main character’s mind, we are still not the actual main character(it’s “he”, not “I”), which makes it possible for us to see sides to Bernt’s character that he, himself, may or may not be aware of. His view of the receptionist may, for instance, not make him seem like a reliable character. And since(/if) we (the readers) realize this, we actually know a little bit more than the main character does.
Hope this helps explain the assignment a bit better. Again, good luck!🙂
Wow. I'm speechless.
You're great, Happy. ? you Capricorns are so creative.. 😢
*sighs*
6 days time, yaaaaay ?
Hopefully, I will come up with something :p
You're great, Happy. ? you Capricorns are so creative.. 😢
*sighs*
6 days time, yaaaaay ?
Hopefully, I will come up with something :p
Posted by RumiLThanks.🙂
Wow. I'm speechless.
You're great, Happy. ? you Capricorns are so creative.. 😢
*sighs*
6 days time, yaaaaay ?
Hopefully, I will come up with something :p
Ofc you will!🙂
Adam’s fair-skinned face wrinkled in discomfort as the brisk autumn wind brushed against his body. Moving his black-glove clad hands to remove crisp brown autumn leaves that got on his large wool scarf and on his brown wool hat, protecting his auburn hair from the elements. Grunting curtly at the wind, he continued his walk to the corner store near his home. His green eyes saw storm clouds forming above him in the sky and could smell the moisture in the air around him. His brown hiking boots made harsh stomps against the sidewalk pavement as he dashed across an empty street intersection, his pace slowing down as he continued his journey on bicycle path marked off from the road.
He grit his teeth as he shoved his hands in the pockets of his black jeans as his black coat and brown scarf were forced to dance by a strong gust of wind. His left hand dug within his left pants pocket, brushing against and moving what was inside it. A pen was moved here, his keys were moved there, the tips of his gloved fingers kicked aside peppermints, balled up receipts and coins as he felt around for the side of his smartphone. Once he felt his phone, he grabbed it at the top and yanked it out of his pocket, nearly having his keys and money come out along with it. Taking the phone into his right, he shoved everything else back down with his left, his hands moving unencumbered by another gust of wind.
As he kept walking, he looked up the local weather forecast, seeing there was severe thunderstorm warning in effect for his area as well as tornado watches in neighboring counties near his. Giving his phone a dull expression as he read the words, he yawned and tucked his phone into his inner jacket pocket. Picking up his pace as he felt a few droplets of rain hit his nose and forehead. Seeing that the corner store was only a few feet away, separated only by road, side-walk and grassy hill, he broke into jog. Stopping only for a moment to check the street for oncoming cars, he sprinted across the street and sidewalk and over the hill as he held out his right arm to grab onto the corner store’s door to open it as soon as his solid body stopped in front of its doors.
He grit his teeth as he shoved his hands in the pockets of his black jeans as his black coat and brown scarf were forced to dance by a strong gust of wind. His left hand dug within his left pants pocket, brushing against and moving what was inside it. A pen was moved here, his keys were moved there, the tips of his gloved fingers kicked aside peppermints, balled up receipts and coins as he felt around for the side of his smartphone. Once he felt his phone, he grabbed it at the top and yanked it out of his pocket, nearly having his keys and money come out along with it. Taking the phone into his right, he shoved everything else back down with his left, his hands moving unencumbered by another gust of wind.
As he kept walking, he looked up the local weather forecast, seeing there was severe thunderstorm warning in effect for his area as well as tornado watches in neighboring counties near his. Giving his phone a dull expression as he read the words, he yawned and tucked his phone into his inner jacket pocket. Picking up his pace as he felt a few droplets of rain hit his nose and forehead. Seeing that the corner store was only a few feet away, separated only by road, side-walk and grassy hill, he broke into jog. Stopping only for a moment to check the street for oncoming cars, he sprinted across the street and sidewalk and over the hill as he held out his right arm to grab onto the corner store’s door to open it as soon as his solid body stopped in front of its doors.
Once inside, it was similar to watching an eagle swoop down to hunt its prey. In rapid succession he collected a half-gallon of milk, chips, and a six-pack of beer and a bottle of ginger ale. Walking briskly to the front counter, he set all his items down on counter as he told the cashier he’d like a box of cigarettes as well. Once all of it was ringed up, Adam paid the cashier and walked out of the store, clasping tightly to his bag of goods as he made his way back home to his family.
*WAITS 5 DAYS*
...To the charts I guess.
...To the charts I guess.
Posted by SirHornsThank you so much for your contribution! Can't wait to read it...when I'm a bit more level headed than I am now.🙂
*WAITS 5 DAYS*
...To the charts I guess.
Posted by HappyCapperPosted by SirHornsThank you so much for your contribution! Can't wait to read it...when I'm a bit more level headed than I am now.🙂
*WAITS 5 DAYS*
...To the charts I guess.
click to expand
*Pats*get well soon!🤗
Posted by SirHornsThank you!🙂 Turns out, I really couldn't wait. Somehow, I just ended up reading it anyway. But don't worry - I will read all the submissions several times...and when my brain works again. I'm so excited!🙂Posted by HappyCapperPosted by SirHornsThank you so much for your contribution! Can't wait to read it...when I'm a bit more level headed than I am now.🙂
*WAITS 5 DAYS*
...To the charts I guess.
*Pats*get well soon!🤗
click to expand
Posted by HappyCapper
Assignment number 1.
For this assignment I will focus my judging especially on character description/creation. I don’t just want a description, straight up, though – I want a character driven story. The word “box” also needs to be present in the story. You may write this assignment as a poem, if you want, but if you do, you don’t need to include the word “box.”
You have from now until 6 July at 19:00 CET. Make it a maximum of 500 words and in third person, limited, and preferably close to the main character’s mind.
If you feel you have already understood the assignment perfectly, feel free to skip the following text.
To further explain what I want for this assignment, I will submit a story (just below). I will comment on it further below the text.
She set out for a run, dressed minimal and enjoying the scent of fresh rain and cut grass. Her athletic shoes tied tight, she set off. St the beginning, she only smelled pine trees, that pungent scent of pine and rain, then she started to notice something else. Solace. She ran, she smaller her own sweat, she heard herself pant as she paced through her run, but she noticed how clear her mind became. She thought of life. Of love. Of mistakes.
When you run you notice weird things. The people yelling at their children,amd those who can't properly raise a pet, bit you also notice your own freedom.
Step, right, left, right left, exhale.
Forget the burn.
Step, right, left, right, left, exhale.
It no longer matters.
She believes in the better parts of life even if she is not witness to it. She runs to escape.
Lungs full of carbon dioxide and pollution but despite the bad, despite it all. She runs
Posted by FaiyazThank you so much!🙂Posted by HappyCapper
Assignment number 1.
For this assignment I will focus my judging especially on character description/creation. I don’t just want a description, straight up, though – I want a character driven story. The word “box” also needs to be present in the story. You may write this assignment as a poem, if you want, but if you do, you don’t need to include the word “box.”
You have from now until 6 July at 19:00 CET. Make it a maximum of 500 words and in third person, limited, and preferably close to the main character’s mind.
If you feel you have already understood the assignment perfectly, feel free to skip the following text.
To further explain what I want for this assignment, I will submit a story (just below). I will comment on it further below the text.
She set out for a run, dressed minimal and enjoying the scent of fresh rain and cut grass. Her athletic shoes tied tight, she set off. St the beginning, she only smelled pine trees, that pungent scent of pine and rain, then she started to notice something else. Solace. She ran, she smaller her own sweat, she heard herself pant as she paced through her run, but she noticed how clear her mind became. She thought of life. Of love. Of mistakes.
When you run you notice weird things. The people yelling at their children,amd those who can't properly raise a pet, bit you also notice your own freedom.
Step, right, left, right left, exhale.
Forget the burn.
Step, right, left, right, left, exhale.
It no longer matters.
She believes in the better parts of life even if she is not witness to it. She runs to escape.
Lungs full of carbon dioxide and pollution but despite the bad, despite it all. She runs
click to expand
TITLE : The Sentimental Idiot.
She is kneeling on the ground and packing the soft sand to make a sandhill, her wristwatch hanging outside the pocket on her skirt. She keeps looking up and around as if expecting something. A chubby little hand pats her shoulder from behind, and she turns around to see that it is her friend, Naomi. She is delighted, feels her heart leap out of her chest, hugs the little girl tightly and in her attempt to express herself ends up muttering gibberish. Naomi is bewildered and says nothing. The older woman, looks at Naomi, puzzled and hurt for she has been waiting so long to see her Naomi and exclaims, “It’s me, Alia! I’m your friend!” Naomi feels uncomfortable, steps back and turns around to hop away.
Alia feels deserted, her eyes brimming with tears and hears an alarm. She is on her side and reaches for the cellphone to stop the alarm.. Sigh. “It was a dream”. She lays still, eyes wide open, beholding image of Naomi's face still fresh in her memory. She stretches and gets off her bed, neatly folds the blanket, puts the pillows in place. She tries to shake off the mood she was put in due to her dream. Her heart is heavy.
Getting ready for her jogging, she stands and stares at the clothes in the closet. She is only physically here, but mentally and emotionally transported to “those days”. She reaches out to pick a tracksuit but is distracted by a box on the top shelf. She takes the box, an old shoe box, that she had decorated with her silly boring floral drawings and most importantly, the box she put in her “treasures”. She sits on the floor and opens it,finds the hand-made greeting cards and gifts she received from her friends, the medals she had won at school, drawings that she made as a child and an envelope having photographs that are close to her heart. She empties the envelop and starts going through the photos. She stares at each photo for a few minutes as though examining it, shifting so that lighting is better and to see the photographed more clearly, occasionally smiling to herself.
She then finds a photo of herself and Naomi in the playground, both on the swings, both flashing a toothless smile. She stares at it for a few minutes and turns it around to find “29/07/1999” neatly written in blue ink. She is now swinging with her Naomi, singing songs loudly, songs made up by them and here, Alia with photo in her hand is seen smiling and giggling helplessly. She snaps back hearing her mother call out to her, “yes, ma!” and before she could get up, her mother walks in, “I’ve called you 5 times, what are you – sitting with your box again! Alia!”, mother helplessly exclaimed at her sentimental daughter.
___________________________________
HappyCapper -- can you please give me your review on this? (:
She is kneeling on the ground and packing the soft sand to make a sandhill, her wristwatch hanging outside the pocket on her skirt. She keeps looking up and around as if expecting something. A chubby little hand pats her shoulder from behind, and she turns around to see that it is her friend, Naomi. She is delighted, feels her heart leap out of her chest, hugs the little girl tightly and in her attempt to express herself ends up muttering gibberish. Naomi is bewildered and says nothing. The older woman, looks at Naomi, puzzled and hurt for she has been waiting so long to see her Naomi and exclaims, “It’s me, Alia! I’m your friend!” Naomi feels uncomfortable, steps back and turns around to hop away.
Alia feels deserted, her eyes brimming with tears and hears an alarm. She is on her side and reaches for the cellphone to stop the alarm.. Sigh. “It was a dream”. She lays still, eyes wide open, beholding image of Naomi's face still fresh in her memory. She stretches and gets off her bed, neatly folds the blanket, puts the pillows in place. She tries to shake off the mood she was put in due to her dream. Her heart is heavy.
Getting ready for her jogging, she stands and stares at the clothes in the closet. She is only physically here, but mentally and emotionally transported to “those days”. She reaches out to pick a tracksuit but is distracted by a box on the top shelf. She takes the box, an old shoe box, that she had decorated with her silly boring floral drawings and most importantly, the box she put in her “treasures”. She sits on the floor and opens it,finds the hand-made greeting cards and gifts she received from her friends, the medals she had won at school, drawings that she made as a child and an envelope having photographs that are close to her heart. She empties the envelop and starts going through the photos. She stares at each photo for a few minutes as though examining it, shifting so that lighting is better and to see the photographed more clearly, occasionally smiling to herself.
She then finds a photo of herself and Naomi in the playground, both on the swings, both flashing a toothless smile. She stares at it for a few minutes and turns it around to find “29/07/1999” neatly written in blue ink. She is now swinging with her Naomi, singing songs loudly, songs made up by them and here, Alia with photo in her hand is seen smiling and giggling helplessly. She snaps back hearing her mother call out to her, “yes, ma!” and before she could get up, her mother walks in, “I’ve called you 5 times, what are you – sitting with your box again! Alia!”, mother helplessly exclaimed at her sentimental daughter.
___________________________________
HappyCapper -- can you please give me your review on this? (:
Posted by SensitiveBlueslol Yes, please do! Good luck!🙂
What....damn i didn't see this. ill get on it
@RumiL
Thanks for your submission!🙂
I'm writing my assessment of it right now...even though I won't post it until the deadline is behind us. So please tell me if if you would edit your post.🙂
Thanks for your submission!🙂
I'm writing my assessment of it right now...even though I won't post it until the deadline is behind us. So please tell me if if you would edit your post.🙂
@TrueFantasy
Thanks for your submission!🙂
Thanks for your submission!🙂
Deadline is soon upon us!
Pooost!🙂
Pooost!🙂
Posted by blackphaseAww come on. You have nine whole minutes! 😏
Frigg.. There is no way I will have a piece finished before the deadline 😢
I'll have to catch the next one!!
Posted by HappyCapperA Run to the Store
A reminder for all, including @Faiyaz and @SirHorns:
I'm gonna need a title to go with your submissions.
Again, good luck!🙂
^- This is the title
Posted by blackphaseOoo! Nice! Hope you're ready, then.😄Posted by HappyCapperShe continued to spiral into the dark depths of her own defeated mind.Posted by blackphaseAww come on. You have nine whole minutes! 😏
Frigg.. There is no way I will have a piece finished before the deadline 😢
I'll have to catch the next one!!
I'll conquer you next time she said. 😉click to expand
Posted by SirHornsNoted. Thanks.🙂Posted by HappyCapperA Run to the Store
A reminder for all, including @Faiyaz and @SirHorns:
I'm gonna need a title to go with your submissions.
Again, good luck!🙂
^- This is the title
click to expand
Ops, i missed this one. ^^ I thought - you mentioned something about January - 2017 maybe... 😄
btw, CET time is only 18:05 right now. I'd take it you meant CEST (cause that's indeed 19:00). 😛
btw, CET time is only 18:05 right now. I'd take it you meant CEST (cause that's indeed 19:00). 😛
Posted by blackphaseI'll post it within the next few hours.🙂Posted by HappyCapperWhen do you plan to begin the next one? Just so I can be prepared to watch for it 😛Posted by blackphaseOoo! Nice! Hope you're ready, then.😄Posted by HappyCapperShe continued to spiral into the dark depths of her own defeated mind.Posted by blackphaseAww come on. You have nine whole minutes! 😏
Frigg.. There is no way I will have a piece finished before the deadline 😢
I'll have to catch the next one!!
I'll conquer you next time she said. 😉
click to expand
Deadline for assignment 1.
Next assignment will be posted within the next three hours. Good luck to you all!🙂
I'll give it until 20:00 CET and 19:00 CEST, so you may still submit.
Next assignment will be posted within the next three hours. Good luck to you all!🙂
I'll give it until 20:00 CET and 19:00 CEST, so you may still submit.
Posted by nevesAww. I see what you did there. 😄
Ops, i missed this one. ^^ I thought - you mentioned something about January - 2017 maybe... 😄
btw, CET time is only 18:05 right now. I'd take it you meant CEST (cause that's indeed 19:00). 😛
Nope, 19:00 CET(Central European Time) was approximately ten minutes ago.😛
Nice try, though!😉
You are welcome to join in for the next one, though.🙂
*Edit: Oh, you thought I should have added that it's summer time? Okay. I could have. Thought that was understood, but maybe I'm wrong. I'll be clearer next time.
That's Central European "Summer" Time. ^^
I didn't do nothing other than googling for CET time (cause i don't live in that time zone - here is already 20:16). 😛
http://www.timeanddate.com/time/zones/cet
One hour wouldn't be enough for me anyway. My Mercury is in Taurus. :S Maybe if i had a Gemini or a an Aries Mercury. ^^
Ok, i'll see how it goes. 🙂
I didn't do nothing other than googling for CET time (cause i don't live in that time zone - here is already 20:16). 😛
http://www.timeanddate.com/time/zones/cet
One hour wouldn't be enough for me anyway. My Mercury is in Taurus. :S Maybe if i had a Gemini or a an Aries Mercury. ^^
Ok, i'll see how it goes. 🙂
Posted by nevesI know. I edited my last post. I could indeed have been clearer - thought it was understood that it was summertime I was after, since it's summer and all. But if you google it, you may come up with what you say, so I will accept submissions according to that time.
That's Central European "Summer" Time. ^^
I didn't do nothing other than googling for CET time (cause i don't live in that time zone - here is already 20:16). 😛
http://www.timeanddate.com/time/zones/cet
One hour wouldn't be enough for me anyway. My Mercury is in Taurus. :S Maybe if i had a Gemini or a an Aries Mercury. ^^
Ok, i'll see how it goes. 🙂
Posted by HappyCapperI didn't mention that for me. As mentioned above - that might still work for someone with a Speedy Gonzales Mercury. ^^Posted by nevesI know. I edited my last post. I could indeed have been clearer - thought it was understood that it was summertime I was after, since it's summer and all. But if you google it, you may come up with what you say, so I will accept submissions according to that time.
That's Central European "Summer" Time. ^^
I didn't do nothing other than googling for CET time (cause i don't live in that time zone - here is already 20:16). 😛
http://www.timeanddate.com/time/zones/cet
One hour wouldn't be enough for me anyway. My Mercury is in Taurus. :S Maybe if i had a Gemini or a an Aries Mercury. ^^
Ok, i'll see how it goes. 🙂
click to expand
Posted by nevesNo, but you're still right. Someone else may have googled it like you did and planned to post accordingly. Fair is fair. I'm just happy you brought it to my attention so that I can do better next time..Posted by HappyCapperI didn't mention that for me. As mentioned above - that might still work for someone with a Speedy Gonzales Mercury. ^^Posted by nevesI know. I edited my last post. I could indeed have been clearer - thought it was understood that it was summertime I was after, since it's summer and all. But if you google it, you may come up with what you say, so I will accept submissions according to that time.
That's Central European "Summer" Time. ^^
I didn't do nothing other than googling for CET time (cause i don't live in that time zone - here is already 20:16). 😛
http://www.timeanddate.com/time/zones/cet
One hour wouldn't be enough for me anyway. My Mercury is in Taurus. :S Maybe if i had a Gemini or a an Aries Mercury. ^^
Ok, i'll see how it goes. 🙂
click to expand
Posted by SensitiveBluesSorry. Same rules for everyone. But you are welcome to participate in the next one. I will post it within the next couple of hours.
whattttttttt
Good luck, to you!🙂
Posted by SensitiveBluesOh, I didn't see your submission post there. I thought maybe you had already written something and just forgotten to submit it. I will look at it, but I have to abide by the rules.
oh well that's all i could do in five minutes. its' all good
Good luck in the next one. It will be posted within the next couple of hours.🙂
Assignment number 2.
For this assignment I will focus my judging especially on believability and I am going to let you choose one out of two options. I will give you until July 13th 19:00 CEST to post your assignment. All the general rules mentioned in the OP, still apply.
Assignment number 2, option a)
Please, read the following text:
For this assignment I will focus my judging especially on believability and I am going to let you choose one out of two options. I will give you until July 13th 19:00 CEST to post your assignment. All the general rules mentioned in the OP, still apply.
Assignment number 2, option a)
Please, read the following text:
So, finally I get what I deserve: grand prizes, fame, monies. My visit to Oprah yesterday will make my wallet explode, and Bertha can be traded for a Giselle or a Heidi.
“And today I am honoured to present Imrim Ashabad, celebrated author of With the Winds. Welcome, Imrim. With the Winds is about seeing the world from the perspective of the wind. Imrim, when I read this novel, I was overcome with the insight with which you see the world. What inspired this grand novel?”
“Wonderful to be here, Oprah. Thanks for inviting me. It all started with the image of a white regal seagull hovering over a rough ocean.”
“That’s beautiful.”
“Yes, Oprah, it is.”
The crap about the seagull was naturally completely untrue, but it sounded nice and Oprah loved it. In reality, Maraya had taken me on a bumpy ride through a whole landscape of finely ground poppies to Emerald City and Emerald City is, as we all know, the very centre of revelation.
“Ehmm…yes. Tell me, Imrim, how do you create a novel like this?”
“Well, Oprah. Things like that just come naturally to me. I’m blessed, I guess.” I grinned at the audience that rewarded me with a low buzz of recognition coming from god knows where.
“But surely there has to be an enormous amount of work behind it?”
“Inspiration can do wonders, Oprah. It just poured out on the paper. I’m truly blessed.”
Another lie that should impress the shit out of them. I once read a book, don’t remember the name, where the author stated that fifteen minutes of writing at a time was all that was really needed. But when that maddening obsession mans you and you can do nothing else, can’t think of anything else than what needs to get out there on the paper, fifteen minutes becomes fifteen hours, days, years. When each breath might be your last one. When you are holding it inside you, fearful of letting it go. When life depends on the light but fundamental tone on the paper, the voice of the wind, rather than the pea-soup put in front of you by an invisible hand. When the metaphors bring you closer to the truth and the vocabulary is complex but flowing. When you need to keep going, even though each word brings you closer to the vortex of your own destruction.
“Imrim Ashabad, everyone. You will all get a copy of his novel With the Winds; it’s under your seats. Thank you all and see you next time with Tom Cruuuise.”
On the tenth, I will receive my grand prize. I will walk slowly towards the dais, while humbly shaking my head. I will feel the cold and ugly statue in my hands and I will have a speech prepared that will sound spontaneous and fun, thanking…I don’t know. My mother, I guess. Then I will leave the room with all the important people for another fifteen minutes, hours, days, years… and maybe a break every other year with Maraya.
“And today I am honoured to present Imrim Ashabad, celebrated author of With the Winds. Welcome, Imrim. With the Winds is about seeing the world from the perspective of the wind. Imrim, when I read this novel, I was overcome with the insight with which you see the world. What inspired this grand novel?”
“Wonderful to be here, Oprah. Thanks for inviting me. It all started with the image of a white regal seagull hovering over a rough ocean.”
“That’s beautiful.”
“Yes, Oprah, it is.”
The crap about the seagull was naturally completely untrue, but it sounded nice and Oprah loved it. In reality, Maraya had taken me on a bumpy ride through a whole landscape of finely ground poppies to Emerald City and Emerald City is, as we all know, the very centre of revelation.
“Ehmm…yes. Tell me, Imrim, how do you create a novel like this?”
“Well, Oprah. Things like that just come naturally to me. I’m blessed, I guess.” I grinned at the audience that rewarded me with a low buzz of recognition coming from god knows where.
“But surely there has to be an enormous amount of work behind it?”
“Inspiration can do wonders, Oprah. It just poured out on the paper. I’m truly blessed.”
Another lie that should impress the shit out of them. I once read a book, don’t remember the name, where the author stated that fifteen minutes of writing at a time was all that was really needed. But when that maddening obsession mans you and you can do nothing else, can’t think of anything else than what needs to get out there on the paper, fifteen minutes becomes fifteen hours, days, years. When each breath might be your last one. When you are holding it inside you, fearful of letting it go. When life depends on the light but fundamental tone on the paper, the voice of the wind, rather than the pea-soup put in front of you by an invisible hand. When the metaphors bring you closer to the truth and the vocabulary is complex but flowing. When you need to keep going, even though each word brings you closer to the vortex of your own destruction.
“Imrim Ashabad, everyone. You will all get a copy of his novel With the Winds; it’s under your seats. Thank you all and see you next time with Tom Cruuuise.”
On the tenth, I will receive my grand prize. I will walk slowly towards the dais, while humbly shaking my head. I will feel the cold and ugly statue in my hands and I will have a speech prepared that will sound spontaneous and fun, thanking…I don’t know. My mother, I guess. Then I will leave the room with all the important people for another fifteen minutes, hours, days, years… and maybe a break every other year with Maraya.
Now, write a character driven story with Bertha, Imrim’s wife, being the main character. Write it in first person. The story above is an example of a story written in first person(“I will receive my grand prize.” “I once read a book”) Include the word “wind” in your story, and not by citing the title of Imrim’s novel. The story may be set in the past, present (the present, being at the time of the story above) or in the future, but Bertha may not be younger than 20 years old and not older than 60.
Don’t forget that what I’m after is believability. Think, who is this woman? Or. Who was she before? Or. Who will she become? Make me believe it’s the same person. Imrim does not need to be included in the story, but he may be if you wish. Make it a maximum of 500 words.
Assignment number 2, option b)
Write a character driven story of a maximum of 500 words about a person who has lost either his or her hearing, speech or eye sight. Write it in first person. Make it believable within the frame of the story. Include the word “taste”. For this option, you may submit poetry, according to the rules in the OP, and if you do you still have to include the word “taste” in your text.
Choose wisely and good luck to you all!🙂
Don’t forget that what I’m after is believability. Think, who is this woman? Or. Who was she before? Or. Who will she become? Make me believe it’s the same person. Imrim does not need to be included in the story, but he may be if you wish. Make it a maximum of 500 words.
Assignment number 2, option b)
Write a character driven story of a maximum of 500 words about a person who has lost either his or her hearing, speech or eye sight. Write it in first person. Make it believable within the frame of the story. Include the word “taste”. For this option, you may submit poetry, according to the rules in the OP, and if you do you still have to include the word “taste” in your text.
Choose wisely and good luck to you all!🙂
@RumiL
Your submission, according to Ms. Nitpicky Bitch.
This was mainly about character description/creation and I think you did a good job with this. We do get to know many aspects of the main character…even though I feel you could have gone even further. It’s also a character that makes sense – she’s believable as a character (except for one thing that I will bring up later in this text.) Your attention to details and your ability to see whatever you write in front you (at least that’s how it seems to me) helps a lot with that. Good! The narrative is at times pretty close to the main character, which is also good. I do want to point at one sentence in regard to that, though:
“She is now swinging with her Naomi, singing songs loudly, songs made up by them and here, Alia with photo in her hand is seen smiling and giggling helplessly.”
Here, the narrative is pretty close to the main character at first; we are with her, swinging and singing with her friend. Good! And then you write that she “is seen” smiling…, which suddenly bring us way further away from her, watching her instead of almost being her.
It’s close to impossible to write good formatting here on dxp, which also makes it close to impossible to judge it. I would, however, recommend you to check dialogue formatting. Punctuation, especially the use of commas, could also be worth looking at. Language, over all, is not bad, but could be improved upon. I think you may just want to really expose yourself to the language to really get the feel for it, and I think you do, so this is not something I’m worried about in the slightest. One easy thing to do to eliminate some mistakes is to simply switch on spell check. This doesn’t guarantee correctness, though. Look at it as a program that marks things you might want to double check.
When you write “The older woman” in the first paragraph, I’m not sure who this person is. Is it a third character emerging, and in that case, who is she? Who is this older woman whose best friend is a little kid? Further down the line, we find out that this is indeed an older Alia and since this is a dream, this is possible. It’s just that, if this is indeed Alia, she is dreaming about her future self and her best friend from when she was a kid…making this a tad confusing. Or, Alia is dreaming about herself, being her current age…hence being an older woman living at home with her mother and being spoken to by her mother as if she was a teenager. Sorry, but I can’t help but being slightly confused.
While this is indeed a story written in third person, it’s not strictly third person limited, due to you telling the reader that “Naomi feels uncomfortable.” Even though the main character could well be able to sense that Naomi feels uncomfortable, she doesn’t know. Imo, this phrase could have been omitted entirely by showing this instead of just telling us…which would be my next point:
To be continued...
Your submission, according to Ms. Nitpicky Bitch.
This was mainly about character description/creation and I think you did a good job with this. We do get to know many aspects of the main character…even though I feel you could have gone even further. It’s also a character that makes sense – she’s believable as a character (except for one thing that I will bring up later in this text.) Your attention to details and your ability to see whatever you write in front you (at least that’s how it seems to me) helps a lot with that. Good! The narrative is at times pretty close to the main character, which is also good. I do want to point at one sentence in regard to that, though:
“She is now swinging with her Naomi, singing songs loudly, songs made up by them and here, Alia with photo in her hand is seen smiling and giggling helplessly.”
Here, the narrative is pretty close to the main character at first; we are with her, swinging and singing with her friend. Good! And then you write that she “is seen” smiling…, which suddenly bring us way further away from her, watching her instead of almost being her.
It’s close to impossible to write good formatting here on dxp, which also makes it close to impossible to judge it. I would, however, recommend you to check dialogue formatting. Punctuation, especially the use of commas, could also be worth looking at. Language, over all, is not bad, but could be improved upon. I think you may just want to really expose yourself to the language to really get the feel for it, and I think you do, so this is not something I’m worried about in the slightest. One easy thing to do to eliminate some mistakes is to simply switch on spell check. This doesn’t guarantee correctness, though. Look at it as a program that marks things you might want to double check.
When you write “The older woman” in the first paragraph, I’m not sure who this person is. Is it a third character emerging, and in that case, who is she? Who is this older woman whose best friend is a little kid? Further down the line, we find out that this is indeed an older Alia and since this is a dream, this is possible. It’s just that, if this is indeed Alia, she is dreaming about her future self and her best friend from when she was a kid…making this a tad confusing. Or, Alia is dreaming about herself, being her current age…hence being an older woman living at home with her mother and being spoken to by her mother as if she was a teenager. Sorry, but I can’t help but being slightly confused.
While this is indeed a story written in third person, it’s not strictly third person limited, due to you telling the reader that “Naomi feels uncomfortable.” Even though the main character could well be able to sense that Naomi feels uncomfortable, she doesn’t know. Imo, this phrase could have been omitted entirely by showing this instead of just telling us…which would be my next point:
To be continued...
Show, don’t tell as much and trust your reader a lot more. You show some feeling and/or action…and yet feel the need to tell us as well, instead of really going there, showing us. For instance:
“She takes the box, an old shoe box, that she had decorated with her silly boring floral drawings and most importantly, the box she put in her “treasures”. She sits on the floor and opens it,finds the hand-made greeting cards and gifts she received from her friends, the medals she had won at school, drawings that she made as a child and an envelope having photographs that are close to her heart.”
Do you really need to explain that it’s a box where she puts her “treasures?” Imo, you don’t – we get it anyway.
Another example is you explaining that “[I]t was a dream.”
I know you may want her to think that, but, imo, it would be more effective and believable if you just showed us instead. I mean, if something really strange happens to the main character…and then there’s the sound of an alarm…and then she is suddenly in bed instead of outside, we get that it was a dream without you explaining it to us. We don’t need you to both show us and tell us, as we’d like to think we’re pretty darn clever. Trusting the reader more is a good way of making him or her feel smarter (as long as you make yourself understood, ofc)…which is always good.🙂
“She tries to shake off the mood she was put in due to her dream.”
Again, you’re afraid that the reader won’t get it, so you feel the need to explain what you are also trying to show. Let us experience it through her actions instead of just bluntly telling us. More show – less tell.
‘She is only physically here, but mentally and emotionally transported to “those days”.’
Again, make us experience it instead, and you don’t have to tell us.
“photographs that are close to her heart.”
You don’t need to tell us that the photographs are close to her heart – let us feel it through her.
If you make us feel and experience what the character feels and experiences, we feel closer to him or her - it helps us understand the character.
To be continued...
“She takes the box, an old shoe box, that she had decorated with her silly boring floral drawings and most importantly, the box she put in her “treasures”. She sits on the floor and opens it,finds the hand-made greeting cards and gifts she received from her friends, the medals she had won at school, drawings that she made as a child and an envelope having photographs that are close to her heart.”
Do you really need to explain that it’s a box where she puts her “treasures?” Imo, you don’t – we get it anyway.
Another example is you explaining that “[I]t was a dream.”
I know you may want her to think that, but, imo, it would be more effective and believable if you just showed us instead. I mean, if something really strange happens to the main character…and then there’s the sound of an alarm…and then she is suddenly in bed instead of outside, we get that it was a dream without you explaining it to us. We don’t need you to both show us and tell us, as we’d like to think we’re pretty darn clever. Trusting the reader more is a good way of making him or her feel smarter (as long as you make yourself understood, ofc)…which is always good.🙂
“She tries to shake off the mood she was put in due to her dream.”
Again, you’re afraid that the reader won’t get it, so you feel the need to explain what you are also trying to show. Let us experience it through her actions instead of just bluntly telling us. More show – less tell.
‘She is only physically here, but mentally and emotionally transported to “those days”.’
Again, make us experience it instead, and you don’t have to tell us.
“photographs that are close to her heart.”
You don’t need to tell us that the photographs are close to her heart – let us feel it through her.
If you make us feel and experience what the character feels and experiences, we feel closer to him or her - it helps us understand the character.
To be continued...
The use of the word “idiot” in the title is unfortunate, imo, as this may lead the reader to believe that Alia is really an idiot, going into the story…which I refuse to believe she really is. This may in theory be an interesting and even effective strategy, but in this case I don’t think it is.
Now, about the ending. I think it’s supposed to be cute, but in view of the story thus far, I was expecting a much darker ending. I was anxious to find out what horrible thing happened to Alia’s poor friend, or if she just moved away...or something. But I never did find out; presumably because nothing bad really happened (judging mainly from the mother’s reaction)…or did it? I’m confused, because I thought the dream and Alia’s actions was your way of foreshadowing something along those lines. As it was presented, it felt a bit anticlimactic.
I like your attention to detail, and you can, imo, go even further with this as long as you focus on what details are important to the story-line and/or character development.
I also like the way you create a back story, as long as you follow through; this adds another dimension to the piece, imo.
It seems to me you are trying to “find yourself” as a writer and in a way it also seems to me that you are trying to fight yourself into writing in a way you think you should write, rather than in a way that comes to you naturally. Due to this I would advise you to do free-writing exercises where you let yourself really go wherever it leads you. The RumiL “beast” is there somewhere if you just let her come out and play. Strive away from anything “normal” or cliché in those attempts and just relax. Don’t be afraid! Force yourself outside of the box and see where it leads you. Go for it! I think you’d be surprised.
I see potential, fast and tumultuous development and a RumiL who wants and needs to get out of her shell and really find herself in her writing. I have high hopes for you! Remember that I wrote that I was anxious to find out what would happen in the story? That’s really how you want your readers to feel, isn’t it? So, good job!🙂
All the best!
/ Nitpicky Bitch
Now, about the ending. I think it’s supposed to be cute, but in view of the story thus far, I was expecting a much darker ending. I was anxious to find out what horrible thing happened to Alia’s poor friend, or if she just moved away...or something. But I never did find out; presumably because nothing bad really happened (judging mainly from the mother’s reaction)…or did it? I’m confused, because I thought the dream and Alia’s actions was your way of foreshadowing something along those lines. As it was presented, it felt a bit anticlimactic.
I like your attention to detail, and you can, imo, go even further with this as long as you focus on what details are important to the story-line and/or character development.
I also like the way you create a back story, as long as you follow through; this adds another dimension to the piece, imo.
It seems to me you are trying to “find yourself” as a writer and in a way it also seems to me that you are trying to fight yourself into writing in a way you think you should write, rather than in a way that comes to you naturally. Due to this I would advise you to do free-writing exercises where you let yourself really go wherever it leads you. The RumiL “beast” is there somewhere if you just let her come out and play. Strive away from anything “normal” or cliché in those attempts and just relax. Don’t be afraid! Force yourself outside of the box and see where it leads you. Go for it! I think you’d be surprised.
I see potential, fast and tumultuous development and a RumiL who wants and needs to get out of her shell and really find herself in her writing. I have high hopes for you! Remember that I wrote that I was anxious to find out what would happen in the story? That’s really how you want your readers to feel, isn’t it? So, good job!🙂
All the best!
/ Nitpicky Bitch
Wow.. HAPPY!!!
Firstly OMG NOOOO. NOT a nitpicky bitch..at all! Never think like that! 😢 please! :o
Thanks a lottttt Happy! I cannot tell you how grateful I feel... you gave such a great detailed and honest review, spent your valuable time in doing so! 🙂 and everything is sooo true!!!Wah..writing reveals a lot : D ..
I made a mental note of everything you said and will keep revisiting your posts above.. 🙂 this is valuable feedback you gave me I'm saving it!
I will! Yesterday, while I was working on something I actually decided to do more writing exercises on my own besides this assignment.. I feel like I have this difficultly in writing 😢
Astrologically speaking.... 😛 ..my Saturn is in close conjunction to mercury. But Neptune transit is in exact conjunction with mercury now - I think it's the right opportunity to work on this unexplainable disability I feel.
A long way to go though 😢 but I will not stop ?
Thanks so much Happy. I needed to get this feedback, now I know where to work upon.. 🙂 thanks ?
Btw..thinking outside the box has never been easy for me.. I struggled with this all my life ..IDK how to step outside the box 😢 .. But I'll try.. I have to find the way out. Hmm...
Also.. Yes, the climax was ..nothing :p ...its just nostalgia!
Thanks a lott Happy, very helpful 🙂 xx ..hope i am able to fully put in use the help you have given me.. Thankyou!! 🙂
Firstly OMG NOOOO. NOT a nitpicky bitch..at all! Never think like that! 😢 please! :o
Thanks a lottttt Happy! I cannot tell you how grateful I feel... you gave such a great detailed and honest review, spent your valuable time in doing so! 🙂 and everything is sooo true!!!Wah..writing reveals a lot : D ..
I made a mental note of everything you said and will keep revisiting your posts above.. 🙂 this is valuable feedback you gave me I'm saving it!
I will! Yesterday, while I was working on something I actually decided to do more writing exercises on my own besides this assignment.. I feel like I have this difficultly in writing 😢
Astrologically speaking.... 😛 ..my Saturn is in close conjunction to mercury. But Neptune transit is in exact conjunction with mercury now - I think it's the right opportunity to work on this unexplainable disability I feel.
A long way to go though 😢 but I will not stop ?
Thanks so much Happy. I needed to get this feedback, now I know where to work upon.. 🙂 thanks ?
Btw..thinking outside the box has never been easy for me.. I struggled with this all my life ..IDK how to step outside the box 😢 .. But I'll try.. I have to find the way out. Hmm...
Also.. Yes, the climax was ..nothing :p ...its just nostalgia!
Thanks a lott Happy, very helpful 🙂 xx ..hope i am able to fully put in use the help you have given me.. Thankyou!! 🙂
Posted by SirHornsSure.🙂 But not a huge lot - won't have time for that.😢
If it's not too late, could my entry get a review as well?
@HappyCapper
For the second assignment and forward I will not do it unless it's posted in the submission post before deadline, though. Just so you know.
Can't make any promises about when it will be posted, but I'll do my best. You might actually have caught me in a low work load couple of hours, so, maybe it won't take that long. But we'll see.🙂
@SirHorns
Your submission, according to Ms. Nitpicky Bitch.
Characterization? We get a detailed, but superficial character description. We learn what he's wearing, what's in his pockets and a little bit about his reactions to - and how he handles certain situations. We also learn that he may be slightly unorganized and that he has a family. This all says a lot about a person...but it's not very deep. What goes on in his mind? What about his emotional/mental life/state? I have no idea. Imo, you need to dig a lot deeper to make me really care about the character – as of now, I feel he is pretty anonymous. He is definitely a believable character, though.
Writing skills? Language wise, I don't have much to complain about. A couple of things, but not much, and I feel they are easily detected, so just read it again. A couple of examples, though:
“His green eyes saw storm clouds forming above him in the sky and could smell the moisture in the air around him.”
Check dangling modifiers.
“Picking up his pace as he felt a few droplets of rain hit his nose and forehead.”
This is an incomplete sentence.
I feel you have a very controlled way of writing, which, I feel, could be good and/or bad. Is it too controlled? Not by much, imo, but be careful not to overdo it. Also, be careful that you don’t overdo it with the superficial descriptions – too much, and it gets dull. It’s okay to leave some things to the imagination. Think, what’s effective?
High point:
“As he kept walking, he looked up the local weather forecast, seeing there was severe thunderstorm warning in effect for his area as well as tornado watches in neighboring counties near his. Giving his phone a dull expression as he read the words, he yawned and tucked his phone into his inner jacket pocket. Picking up his pace as he felt a few droplets of rain hit his nose and forehead.”
Remove the bold! Yes, I’m ordering you to.😉 It’s such a pity it’s there, because without it, it would not just be great characterization, but also really funny in a subtle way, imo. Sophisticated. So, good job! Just trust your reader! We get it even without the yawn.
On the whole, good work!🙂
All the best!🙂
/ Nitpicky Bitch
Your submission, according to Ms. Nitpicky Bitch.
Characterization? We get a detailed, but superficial character description. We learn what he's wearing, what's in his pockets and a little bit about his reactions to - and how he handles certain situations. We also learn that he may be slightly unorganized and that he has a family. This all says a lot about a person...but it's not very deep. What goes on in his mind? What about his emotional/mental life/state? I have no idea. Imo, you need to dig a lot deeper to make me really care about the character – as of now, I feel he is pretty anonymous. He is definitely a believable character, though.
Writing skills? Language wise, I don't have much to complain about. A couple of things, but not much, and I feel they are easily detected, so just read it again. A couple of examples, though:
“His green eyes saw storm clouds forming above him in the sky and could smell the moisture in the air around him.”
Check dangling modifiers.
“Picking up his pace as he felt a few droplets of rain hit his nose and forehead.”
This is an incomplete sentence.
I feel you have a very controlled way of writing, which, I feel, could be good and/or bad. Is it too controlled? Not by much, imo, but be careful not to overdo it. Also, be careful that you don’t overdo it with the superficial descriptions – too much, and it gets dull. It’s okay to leave some things to the imagination. Think, what’s effective?
High point:
“As he kept walking, he looked up the local weather forecast, seeing there was severe thunderstorm warning in effect for his area as well as tornado watches in neighboring counties near his. Giving his phone a dull expression as he read the words, he yawned and tucked his phone into his inner jacket pocket. Picking up his pace as he felt a few droplets of rain hit his nose and forehead.”
Remove the bold! Yes, I’m ordering you to.😉 It’s such a pity it’s there, because without it, it would not just be great characterization, but also really funny in a subtle way, imo. Sophisticated. So, good job! Just trust your reader! We get it even without the yawn.
On the whole, good work!🙂
All the best!🙂
/ Nitpicky Bitch
Posted by RumiLNp🙂
Wow.. HAPPY!!!
Firstly OMG NOOOO. NOT a nitpicky bitch..at all! Never think like that! 😢 please! :o
Thanks a lottttt Happy! I cannot tell you how grateful I feel... you gave such a great detailed and honest review, spent your valuable time in doing so! 🙂 and everything is sooo true!!!Wah..writing reveals a lot : D ..
I made a mental note of everything you said and will keep revisiting your posts above.. 🙂 this is valuable feedback you gave me I'm saving it!
I will! Yesterday, while I was working on something I actually decided to do more writing exercises on my own besides this assignment.. I feel like I have this difficultly in writing 😢
Astrologically speaking.... 😛 ..my Saturn is in close conjunction to mercury. But Neptune transit is in exact conjunction with mercury now - I think it's the right opportunity to work on this unexplainable disability I feel.
A long way to go though 😢 but I will not stop ?
Thanks so much Happy. I needed to get this feedback, now I know where to work upon.. 🙂 thanks ?
Btw..thinking outside the box has never been easy for me.. I struggled with this all my life ..IDK how to step outside the box 😢 .. But I'll try.. I have to find the way out. Hmm...
Also.. Yes, the climax was ..nothing :p ...its just nostalgia!
Thanks a lott Happy, very helpful 🙂 xx ..hope i am able to fully put in use the help you have given me.. Thankyou!! 🙂
What do you mean by difficultly in writing?
For me, thinking outside the box is about inspiration and letting your mind go wherever it wants...and then write about it. Try thinking about things you don't even want to occupy your mind with - feel the taboo(may not be very taboo...just in your mind at that time) and react to it by writing. Some people are helped by just using pen and paper instead of a computer - maybe that could help you too?
I don't know. Try different things and first and foremost, don't be afraid! Sooner or later you will find where you want to go. I could guess, ofc, but I'm afraid that I will lead you astray if I'm wrong.
Super good luck to you!🙂
Posted by HappyCapper
Assignment number 1.
For this assignment I will focus my judging especially on character description/creation. I don’t just want a description, straight up, though – I want a character driven story. The word “box” also needs to be present in the story. You may write this assignment as a poem, if you want, but if you do, you don’t need to include the word “box.”
You have from now until 6 July at 19:00 CEST. Make it a maximum of 500 words and in third person, limited, and preferably close to the main character’s mind.
If you feel you have already understood the assignment perfectly, feel free to skip the following text.
To further explain what I want for this assignment, I will submit a story (just below). I will comment on it further below the text.
There he was. The most handsome smile I'd ever seen, laughing as he grabbed another cold one from the cooler to hand to a friend. Me, I just came out the shower and looked out the window that oversees the back of the farm when he caught my gaze. As dorky as he was, he was incredibly sexy. We had many troubles over the years but he captivated me. The way he acted, his good intentions and the way he enjoyed everything despite all else. He always could see the best in another. He made others feel as though they had come home. He made me feel at home too.
There he sat. In the sams old lawn chair he always grabbed from his garage. In the same shirt he had worn 6 years ago I met him. He didn't care much for fashion. Nor did he mind being fashionable, he'd say," this shirt is clean *smells it* it will be fine". But he lived for moments.where he could host a good time. He loved to host. And he was the best at it in my opinion.
The most remarkable feat about this man was that he had no judgement about other people. He had good taste, but he accepted people for their souls. Those humans around the fire this night were true. Those who sat amount him had virtue. Had a reason for who he chose. Why I'm here Ill learn later.
But still, i watched them, as they sat there gulping the icy cool brew in their hand and laughing, playing games of corn bag in the box with a hole. Something I never knew about u till him. Corn hole was a game where two.boards stood with a 25° angle with a 4 inches perimeter hole. Two groups stand opposite of each other and try to take a bag of 2 pound corn and throw it from 12 feet away to the other board to make it in the hole. (Sounds perverted)
Besides he game... what i know him best by?
He gave everyone a sense of ease.
Of acceptance.
Of forever.
@happycapper. It's never too late.
Posted by FaiyazHehehe
@happycapper. It's never too late.
You weren't too late; you already posted for the first assignment! Thanks for that!
I have now posted assignment number 2. Don't forget to write a title.
Good luck to you!🙂
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So ever wanted to learn a bit more astrology without having actually sit down and study it like a subject in school? This story might be an answer for you. You'll be entertained and along the way will pick up so much astro stuff that people might think
Plot: Ever since 1823, an order has been in existence in the world. Now with all the various technological advances, wars, and changes among the many countries and nations of the world, one would think that this “order” would inevitably die if it cou
Who is willing to listen what i have to say. Anyone without judgment who understands and accepts me for who i am.i am different.i do not fit in.i cannot live like most people do. I do not wish to smile all the time or talk.i like being silent. I need sile
During some periods for about one to two months at the time about every seven years or so, I get sick and tired of everything dark. I want only fun and beauty and...well...venus in sag in the 7th house and gemini moon in the 2nd, I think describes it pret
I was asked to make writing exercises, so I thought I'd try to do that. So, write a flash fiction of a maximum of 300 words and give me your major mercury aspects, including orbs, and I'll give you a writing exercise that I think might help. I won't do it
Share quotes that tickled your intellect or your trousers, yes?
awwww. *sniff* : cries:::: inspired by Hans Zimmer, Inception....and Leonardo Di Caprio. awww. When the oceans meet the mountains, Atlantic cold water surrounds us, there is no more time, all i want, is you by my side, my light, the love of
First original post! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧ ✧ﾟ･: *ヽ(◕ヮ◕ヽ) So. I've been a huge writer since I was little and have always loved making up and telling stories. I have been trying to keep up with my writing, but can never truly f
I have been writing ever since I was 9. I have been trying to write a novel, but I'm not sure if it's long enough. I just don't get how other writers can spend two paragraphs writing about the color of some dudes curtains when I spend 2 paragraphs describ
Any Fantasy writers here? Do you have your own outline you follow when world building? I put my novel down in May and I am trying to throw myself back into it. Also what are some practices you use when writing? I am too aware of myself when I write.
indifference was always the name of the game the way you move has me thinking i'm going insane your gracious body ondulating like waves in a storm i still recall our first memories inside my dorm you pranced on me, your eyes sparkled bright the wor
From where do I start? Why am I writing? Pause. I need some fresh air. How salutary could that be considering the spinning jenny (means also ‘cool breeze’ in Italian) wafting outside? I’m not sure. Gelidity is a nice feeling, they say it reinvig
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living. I want to know what you ache for, and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing. It doesn't interest me how old you are. I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love, for
Sometimes when I happen by this part of the forum I read things that members have written. What I would like to know is what I should do with it. At times I come across things that I would otherwise have commented on to others when giving feedback - both
I love William Blake's "Garden of Love" poem. Poetry of all kinds is so wonderful. I love the art of words. Just a random topic. I went to the Garden of Love, And saw what I never had seen: A Chapel was built in the midst, Where I used to play on th
Falling in love There's a mousy looking girl that comes around noon, brings her lunch bag, taking out a sandwich, a
These are poems I've written throughout the years. I've always found it so easy to express myself through writing, r
There will be a total of three assignments that will be given one at a time with a different set of instructions. The winner (and maybe a second and third place) will be announced after the third one. If I would have a great problem assigning a winner, there may be a fourth round, including the top contenders.
The only possible excuse for a late submission is if dxp is acting out. If you die you won’t win anyway, so don’t. Don’t forget that the timelines will all be given in CEST. The only judge in this competition is me, and my vote can be bought for two million euros, or in the case of more than one interested buyer, the highest bid…although still at least the two million euros.
What will be true for all assignments is that even if I state that I will focus on something specific, I will still look at all aspects of your writing that I can think of. If you want to really impress me, you want to present well written, thoroughly thought-out and multilayered pieces, which are believable within the frame of the story. I also like to be entertained and get my brain challenged (although you don’t want to make me look like a question mark – it’s not a good look on me). Be creative. I will also want a title for each assignment. Since formatting is difficult on this site, I will not be too harsh when it comes to that, but I will expect line-breaks.
There will be assignment(s?) where I will allow poetry submissions. If you choose to submit in this form, you need to state what kind of poetry you have written, such as, sestina, sonnet or free verse, for instance. Please place this piece of information within parenthesis right after the title. Just a little heads-up: I don’t like poems that rhyme just for the sake of it. Just saying. There needs to be a purpose behind rhyming, imo, and I’m the judge, so…😉
If you would be interested in my view of your submitted piece, just say so in the same post as your contribution. I will warn you right now, however, that I would be brutally honest, so if you feel you can’t take that, then don’t ask for it. I promise to be constructive, though, and remember that if I tell you that I like something, it will be because it’s my honest opinion. I don’t claim to be great at it, just that I have an opinion and that I’m not afraid to express it. So this is for people who want another person’s perspective on their writing.
The grand prize is the honor of winning this most excellent of competitions. Can’t beat that, can you?😏
Good luck to you all!🙂