Faiyaz
@Faiyaz
9 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 432 · Topics: 20
The Writing Competition (Page 2)
You are on page out of 3 | Reverse Order
Posted by FaiyazPosted by HappyCapperPosted by FaiyazHehehe
@happycapper. It's never too late.
You weren't too late; you already posted for the first assignment! Thanks for that!
I have now posted assignment number 2. Don't forget to write a title.
Good luck to you!🙂
I jist went back and edited.
So I an move to #2??
click to expand
I never did follow rules.
I'll reread back.
You asked for a title?
I name mine, "Views from below*
Posted by FaiyazHehehe Well, I'll use what you posted before the deadline was over. Yes, you can definitely move on to round 2.Posted by HappyCapperPosted by FaiyazHehehe
@happycapper. It's never too late.
You weren't too late; you already posted for the first assignment! Thanks for that!
I have now posted assignment number 2. Don't forget to write a title.
Good luck to you!🙂
I jist went back and edited.
So I an move to #2??
click to expand
Good luck!🙂
Posted by FaiyazI'd like a title for each assignment.🙂Posted by FaiyazPosted by HappyCapperPosted by FaiyazHehehe
@happycapper. It's never too late.
You weren't too late; you already posted for the first assignment! Thanks for that!
I have now posted assignment number 2. Don't forget to write a title.
Good luck to you!🙂
I jist went back and edited.
So I an move to #2??
I never did follow rules.
I'll reread back.
You asked for a title?
I name mine, "Views from below*
click to expand
Posted by FaiyazPosted by HappyCapperPosted by FaiyazHehehe
@happycapper. It's never too late.
You weren't too late; you already posted for the first assignment! Thanks for that!
I have now posted assignment number 2. Don't forget to write a title.
Good luck to you!🙂
I jist went back and edited.
So I an move to #2??
click to expand
I just re read the thread and saw i did.
Color me embarrassed. Which do I use, teacher?
Posted by FaiyazNp.😄 You already posted for assignment number 1, so I say, move on to assignment number 2.Posted by FaiyazPosted by HappyCapperPosted by FaiyazHehehe
@happycapper. It's never too late.
You weren't too late; you already posted for the first assignment! Thanks for that!
I have now posted assignment number 2. Don't forget to write a title.
Good luck to you!🙂
I jist went back and edited.
So I an move to #2??
I just re read the thread and saw i did.
Color me embarrassed. Which do I use, teacher?click to expand
And I'm just the one opening this thread and your judge, so you really don't need to call me teacher...🙂
Posted by AbrahamlThanks for your submission! I'll look at it later!
Find me where the grass red, corpse by the shed, might be half-dead, put him in the wall for his past debts
Grindtime, I be out of state for the Baphomet
People get scared cause my ways like the Baphomet
Try me, I could blast a Tec, weaving out of traffic, yeah
Architect when I build prisons for your lad and ex
Violence get that respect, Laws of Attraction next
I don't feel I'm like the rest, evil in my hollow chest
World like Of Mice And Men, hurl off my heightened sense..
Girls mind darker than my might and pen
Vicodins
Same shit Prince took, teachers told me study all the notes, never thought I'd make pacts out my witch book
Just make sure it's in line with the assignment.🙂
Posted by AbrahamlI read it veeery quickly, so I don't know yet, ofc, (and I think this is something you should read over and over again to get the best out if it) but don't underestimate yourself! Really, don't!Posted by HappyCapperI'm not really a writer . I just write thoughts down but I just wanted to contribute something. These people in this thread need to write some books. I'd love to read their work.Posted by AbrahamlThanks for your submission! I'll look at it later!
Find me where the grass red, corpse by the shed, might be half-dead, put him in the wall for his past debts
Grindtime, I be out of state for the Baphomet
People get scared cause my ways like the Baphomet
Try me, I could blast a Tec, weaving out of traffic, yeah
Architect when I build prisons for your lad and ex
Violence get that respect, Laws of Attraction next
I don't feel I'm like the rest, evil in my hollow chest
World like Of Mice And Men, hurl off my heightened sense..
Girls mind darker than my might and pen
Vicodins
Same shit Prince took, teachers told me study all the notes, never thought I'd make pacts out my witch book
Just make sure it's in line with the assignment.🙂
click to expand
Read assignment number 2 - write something in line with it and join, why don't you?🙂
Posted by AbrahamlSure.🙂Posted by HappyCapperI'll keep what I got so far. I could go longer and deeper but I think it's good enough right now.Posted by AbrahamlYou have until July 13th 19:00 CEST, so write away!🙂
Hide your last post please. It wasn't the final draft
click to expand
...unless you change your mind. You can do whatever you want until deadline.🙂
Posted by AbrahamlWhat's wrong with rap?
Nah it's cool. I don't really expect to win anyway. I'm just writing raps.
Posted by AbrahamlIsn't rap lyrics a form of poetry? At least I would consider it to be, and I'm the judge, so...🙂Posted by HappyCapperNothing. But this seemed like a traditional writing competition. But yeah..Posted by AbrahamlWhat's wrong with rap?
Nah it's cool. I don't really expect to win anyway. I'm just writing raps.
click to expand
Title: Price of Fame
I, Bertha Ashabad, have committed a grave crime upon the eve of the anniversary of my husband’s birth, Imrim.
As I reflect upon my sins as I sit waiting in a dressing room, I find myself staring at my reflection disillusioned at woman reflected back at me. Her hair and make-up were done by professionals from Hollywood, her attire made by a coveted designer. On the surface, I knew plenty of women would dream of being in the position I’m in. However, if they saw the listless dullness of my blue eyes, I would hope many would reconsider envying my life. Of all the various things these eyes of mine have seen over the years, seeing the shy yet ambitious go-getter transformed into a near life-less doll, that had to be the harshest image they’ve seen.
They saw my mother and father support each other, even when tragedy struck with fear of losing the other to illness became a reality they had to face.
They saw my sister marrying her high school sweetheart, her joy when showing of her twins I was the proud aunt of, and brokenness when she learned in the hospital that she was the only survivor of the car crash, her husband and children gone, before they even got a chance to live.
I, Bertha Ashabad, have committed a grave crime upon the eve of the anniversary of my husband’s birth, Imrim.
As I reflect upon my sins as I sit waiting in a dressing room, I find myself staring at my reflection disillusioned at woman reflected back at me. Her hair and make-up were done by professionals from Hollywood, her attire made by a coveted designer. On the surface, I knew plenty of women would dream of being in the position I’m in. However, if they saw the listless dullness of my blue eyes, I would hope many would reconsider envying my life. Of all the various things these eyes of mine have seen over the years, seeing the shy yet ambitious go-getter transformed into a near life-less doll, that had to be the harshest image they’ve seen.
They saw my mother and father support each other, even when tragedy struck with fear of losing the other to illness became a reality they had to face.
They saw my sister marrying her high school sweetheart, her joy when showing of her twins I was the proud aunt of, and brokenness when she learned in the hospital that she was the only survivor of the car crash, her husband and children gone, before they even got a chance to live.
I can’t help finding myself laughing bitterly at my own weakness as I think about all the different levels of hell I’ve seen people around me go through. How dare I complain or even feel pain at all? I’m the wife of a New York Time’s Best seller, whose novels are being made into movies! For the love of God, I’m about to appear on show featuring the spouses of bestselling authors! Asking us the best way to support a writer’s career and share little snippets of our lives to the viewers.
I did plan to share how I first met Imrim. The shy wallflower girl and the crappy poet boy managed to do quite well from their modest beginnings, right? It’s a cute story that doesn’t touch on what happened years after we said “I Do.”
The gradual distance I felt from him. How even sleeping in the same bed felt less and less like home the more famous he became. The more our date nights got canceled over business deal meetings or parties Maraya wanted him to attend. The feeling that things between us had gotten more robotic, stiff and sterile as he occasional boasted about how easy it was to sucker those snooty wind-bags into buy whatever he said. How his Agent, Richard, a classical macho New Yorker business man, formed a deeper connection with me over times we’ve exchanged words.
With Richard, I could see the light return to my eyes whenever we were in front of the mirror, his stronger hands guiding my own…
I promised Imrim I’d be by his side till death did us part.
I’m waiting for my body to catch up to my soul.
I did plan to share how I first met Imrim. The shy wallflower girl and the crappy poet boy managed to do quite well from their modest beginnings, right? It’s a cute story that doesn’t touch on what happened years after we said “I Do.”
The gradual distance I felt from him. How even sleeping in the same bed felt less and less like home the more famous he became. The more our date nights got canceled over business deal meetings or parties Maraya wanted him to attend. The feeling that things between us had gotten more robotic, stiff and sterile as he occasional boasted about how easy it was to sucker those snooty wind-bags into buy whatever he said. How his Agent, Richard, a classical macho New Yorker business man, formed a deeper connection with me over times we’ve exchanged words.
With Richard, I could see the light return to my eyes whenever we were in front of the mirror, his stronger hands guiding my own…
I promised Imrim I’d be by his side till death did us part.
I’m waiting for my body to catch up to my soul.
I’d like my submission reviewed, please and thank you.
Posted by SirHornsNoted. I will post it after deadline to make sure there are no changes in the piece after I write it.🙂
I’d like my submission reviewed, please and thank you.
@HappyCapper -- thanks for the suggestion! 🙂 but I'm the same even with a pen in my hand ?
Hmm.. I see what you are saying. I'll try...next time I write(to just let go). The problem is.. I feel dry in my mind 😢 IDK how to explain but.. I just have or feel a barrier or disability when it comes to writing creatively 😢 ...it's like I feel dumb ?
And noooo. Please. You are giving such valuable feedback, you have no idea what it means to a poor writer like me!
Hmm.. I see what you are saying. I'll try...next time I write(to just let go). The problem is.. I feel dry in my mind 😢 IDK how to explain but.. I just have or feel a barrier or disability when it comes to writing creatively 😢 ...it's like I feel dumb ?
And noooo. Please. You are giving such valuable feedback, you have no idea what it means to a poor writer like me!
Posted by RumiL
@HappyCapper -- thanks for the suggestion! 🙂 but I'm the same even with a pen in my hand ?
Hmm.. I see what you are saying. I'll try...next time I write(to just let go). The problem is.. I feel dry in my mind 😢 IDK how to explain but.. I just have or feel a barrier or disability when it comes to writing creatively 😢 ...it's like I feel dumb ?
And noooo. Please. You are giving such valuable feedback, you have no idea what it means to a poor writer like me!
For some people a change of scenery helps. Even going to a coffee shop alone and secretly studying people...or going to some historical spot and ask yourself what happened there, who lived there, who built what you see...or something.
Maybe go to the airport and ask yourself what some person is going to do or where they have been and what they have been doing.
Is he(if it's a he) going home and if so, who is he going home to? No one? His dog? His family of eleven? Or is he going for business? Is he going to New Zeeland to kill his mother's murderer? Or is he fleeing the country for tax reasons or because he's being chased by the international terrorist organization he accidently discovered was centered in his work place? Or is he travelling to meet the love of his life who he for some reason hasn't seen in 17 years? Let your mind wander.
All you need to do is to figure out what triggers you to go where you want to go, whether it is to write down your dreams, change the scenery, talk to some people/person, listen to some music(may even be music you hate - I once wrote a story while listening to an Enrique Iglesias tune over and over again. Very effective, actually.)
But, first and foremost, don't worry - you'll get there.🙂
Posted by HappyCapperAhh.. Thankyou so much Happy! I will do this 🙂Posted by RumiL
@HappyCapper -- thanks for the suggestion! 🙂 but I'm the same even with a pen in my hand ?
Hmm.. I see what you are saying. I'll try...next time I write(to just let go). The problem is.. I feel dry in my mind 😢 IDK how to explain but.. I just have or feel a barrier or disability when it comes to writing creatively 😢 ...it's like I feel dumb ?
And noooo. Please. You are giving such valuable feedback, you have no idea what it means to a poor writer like me!
For some people a change of scenery helps. Even going to a coffee shop alone and secretly studying people...or going to some historical spot and ask yourself what happened there, who lived there, who built what you see...or something.
Maybe go to the airport and ask yourself what some person is going to do or where they have been and what they have been doing.
Is he(if it's a he) going home and if so, who is he going home to? No one? His dog? His family of eleven? Or is he going for business? Is he going to New Zeeland to kill his mother's murderer? Or is he fleeing the country for tax reasons or because he's being chased by the international terrorist organization he accidently discovered was centered in his work place? Or is he travelling to meet the love of his life who he for some reason hasn't seen in 17 years? Let your mind wander.
All you need to do is to figure out what triggers you to go where you want to go, whether it is to write down your dreams, change the scenery, talk to some people/person, listen to some music(may even be music you hate - I once wrote a story while listening to an Enrique Iglesias tune over and over again. Very effective, actually.)
But, first and foremost, don't worry - you'll get there.🙂
click to expand
Posted by RumiLI just want to be very clear that I'm not trying to tell you what to do - I'm just thinking of possibilities. Good luck to you!🙂Posted by HappyCapperAhh.. Thankyou so much Happy! I will do this 🙂Posted by RumiL
@HappyCapper -- thanks for the suggestion! 🙂 but I'm the same even with a pen in my hand ?
Hmm.. I see what you are saying. I'll try...next time I write(to just let go). The problem is.. I feel dry in my mind 😢 IDK how to explain but.. I just have or feel a barrier or disability when it comes to writing creatively 😢 ...it's like I feel dumb ?
And noooo. Please. You are giving such valuable feedback, you have no idea what it means to a poor writer like me!
For some people a change of scenery helps. Even going to a coffee shop alone and secretly studying people...or going to some historical spot and ask yourself what happened there, who lived there, who built what you see...or something.
Maybe go to the airport and ask yourself what some person is going to do or where they have been and what they have been doing.
Is he(if it's a he) going home and if so, who is he going home to? No one? His dog? His family of eleven? Or is he going for business? Is he going to New Zeeland to kill his mother's murderer? Or is he fleeing the country for tax reasons or because he's being chased by the international terrorist organization he accidently discovered was centered in his work place? Or is he travelling to meet the love of his life who he for some reason hasn't seen in 17 years? Let your mind wander.
All you need to do is to figure out what triggers you to go where you want to go, whether it is to write down your dreams, change the scenery, talk to some people/person, listen to some music(may even be music you hate - I once wrote a story while listening to an Enrique Iglesias tune over and over again. Very effective, actually.)
But, first and foremost, don't worry - you'll get there.🙂
click to expand
@HappyCapper -- 😄 yes yes..lol.. I got you.. Thanks so much for the help 🙂 you're welcome to tell me what to do also, Happy.. 😄 ..
Posted by RumiLAlrighty then. My floors need some scrubbin, so if you don't mind...😄
@HappyCapper -- 😄 yes yes..lol.. I got you.. Thanks so much for the help 🙂 you're welcome to tell me what to do also, Happy.. 😄 ..
Posted by HappyCapperBe careful what you ask a Cancer rising that finds pleasure in cleaning :pPosted by RumiLAlrighty then. My floors need some scrubbin, so if you don't mind...😄
@HappyCapper -- 😄 yes yes..lol.. I got you.. Thanks so much for the help 🙂 you're welcome to tell me what to do also, Happy.. 😄 ..
click to expand
Posted by RumiLOh dear. Ehrm...well...when I look really really closely, I don't think they're in such bad need of scrubbing after all... Nope. Nono. Sooo... Anywayyy...Posted by HappyCapperBe careful what you ask a Cancer rising that finds pleasure in cleaning :pPosted by RumiLAlrighty then. My floors need some scrubbin, so if you don't mind...😄
@HappyCapper -- 😄 yes yes..lol.. I got you.. Thanks so much for the help 🙂 you're welcome to tell me what to do also, Happy.. 😄 ..
click to expand
How about that weather, huh?😛
Posted by HappyCapperHehe.. 😄 .. Are you sure? I could help.. *picks up crumpled paper* .. :pPosted by RumiLOh dear. Ehrm...well...when I look really really closely, I don't think they're in such bad need of scrubbing after all... Nope. Nono. Sooo... Anywayyy...Posted by HappyCapperBe careful what you ask a Cancer rising that finds pleasure in cleaning :pPosted by RumiLAlrighty then. My floors need some scrubbin, so if you don't mind...😄
@HappyCapper -- 😄 yes yes..lol.. I got you.. Thanks so much for the help 🙂 you're welcome to tell me what to do also, Happy.. 😄 ..
How about that weather, huh?😛
click to expand
Speaking of weather... Omg, today is such a beautiful day here where I live, Happy! 🙂 ..hows the weather there?
Posted by RumiLNonono. It's fine! Fiiine! Juuust fine!Posted by HappyCapperHehe.. 😄 .. Are you sure? I could help.. *picks up crumpled paper* .. :pPosted by RumiLOh dear. Ehrm...well...when I look really really closely, I don't think they're in such bad need of scrubbing after all... Nope. Nono. Sooo... Anywayyy...Posted by HappyCapperBe careful what you ask a Cancer rising that finds pleasure in cleaning :pPosted by RumiLAlrighty then. My floors need some scrubbin, so if you don't mind...😄
@HappyCapper -- 😄 yes yes..lol.. I got you.. Thanks so much for the help 🙂 you're welcome to tell me what to do also, Happy.. 😄 ..
How about that weather, huh?😛
Speaking of weather... Omg, today is such a beautiful day here where I live, Happy! 🙂 ..hows the weather there?click to expand
I could sum it up in one word: cloudy. Not sure there's anything blue behind it either...anywhere. Just white and grey in all eternity.
Posted by HappyCapperAhh okay.. *arranges the cushions on the couch and sits* :pPosted by RumiLNonono. It's fine! Fiiine! Juuust fine!Posted by HappyCapperHehe.. 😄 .. Are you sure? I could help.. *picks up crumpled paper* .. :pPosted by RumiLOh dear. Ehrm...well...when I look really really closely, I don't think they're in such bad need of scrubbing after all... Nope. Nono. Sooo... Anywayyy...Posted by HappyCapperBe careful what you ask a Cancer rising that finds pleasure in cleaning :pPosted by RumiLAlrighty then. My floors need some scrubbin, so if you don't mind...😄
@HappyCapper -- 😄 yes yes..lol.. I got you.. Thanks so much for the help 🙂 you're welcome to tell me what to do also, Happy.. 😄 ..
How about that weather, huh?😛
Speaking of weather... Omg, today is such a beautiful day here where I live, Happy! 🙂 ..hows the weather there?
I could sum it up in one word: cloudy. Not sure there's anything blue behind it either...anywhere. Just white and grey in all eternity.
click to expand
It was cloudy here too..but soooo breezy and no grey 😄
Posted by DividedWeCapricornNot just cappies, but all talented. Ofc you may join. The general rules are written in the OP, and the second assignment is currently on-going and described on page four.
Simply fascinating writing from what seems to be talented Cappy authors. May I join HappyCapper? How do I join?
Good luck to you!🙂
Posted by TrueFantasyNo you didn't. We both know it's just a temporary set back. And this latest assignment gives you the chance to write something that is sooo your style of writing.Posted by HappyCapperNu uh.Posted by TrueFantasyNo, it's darn friggin hard.
Writing is hard... 😢
Not going well?
Lost motivation.click to expand
Posted by TrueFantasySuper good luck to you! You'll come up with something great, I'm sure - just do what you do and it will be fine!🙂Posted by HappyCapperTrue.Posted by TrueFantasyNo you didn't. We both know it's just a temporary set back. And this latest assignment gives you the chance to write something that is sooo your style of writing.Posted by HappyCapperNu uh.Posted by TrueFantasyNo, it's darn friggin hard.
Writing is hard... 😢
Not going well?
Lost motivation.
Also have you done a feedback for my previous assignment? Not sure if I did it right :/
click to expand
No, I haven't. As far as I have seen, you haven't asked for it. You were supposed to ask in your submission post if you were interested. Are you? Because I can do it if you want me to. Just so you know, from assignment 2 and onward, I won't be giving any feedback that is not requested in the submission post before deadline.
Posted by TrueFantasyI will, then.🙂Posted by HappyCapperThanks! And yeah I'd like a feedback please, forgot to say 🙂 kinda nervous but mostly curious to see how I did.Posted by TrueFantasySuper good luck to you! You'll come up with something great, I'm sure - just do what you do and it will be fine!🙂Posted by HappyCapperTrue.Posted by TrueFantasyNo you didn't. We both know it's just a temporary set back. And this latest assignment gives you the chance to write something that is sooo your style of writing.Posted by HappyCapperNu uh.Posted by TrueFantasyNo, it's darn friggin hard.
Writing is hard... 😢
Not going well?
Lost motivation.
Also have you done a feedback for my previous assignment? Not sure if I did it right :/
No, I haven't. As far as I have seen, you haven't asked for it. You were supposed to ask in your submission post if you were interested. Are you? Because I can do it if you want me to. Just so you know, from assignment 2 and onward, I won't be giving any feedback that is not requested in the submission post before deadline.
click to expand
Don't worry. I'm a bitch, but a constructive bitch...I think/hope...🙂
It may take a few days, because I will probably have quite a lot to do, but I'll do my best.
Good luck with the assignment! Just relax and make sure you serve what you want to serve and not what you think I want you to serve...as long as it's in line with the assignment, ofc. Go for it!🙂
@TrueFantasy
You may have to wait another day or two with your review. I have started on it, but I got my fever back and my brain just doesn't work. If you want a veeery short line or two about it, so you know a little before next submission, I can give you that, though.
Sorry!😢
You may have to wait another day or two with your review. I have started on it, but I got my fever back and my brain just doesn't work. If you want a veeery short line or two about it, so you know a little before next submission, I can give you that, though.
Sorry!😢
B)
Title - An Aspiration
My father’s slow gentle tap on my shoulder brought me back from the trance I was put in by a beautiful flute composition, plugged into my ears. He tells me we are nearing our destination. I feel a pit in my tummy, my father places his warm hands on my hand. I bring his hand to my lips and kiss the back of his hand. This time, his hand has a faint smell of samosa(an Indian snack). I ask him, “Papa, did you have samosa without me?” , to which he said, “I wanted you to have it too, but, I didn’t want to disturb you. Here” , he placed the snack slowly in my hand, and I began taking mouthfuls, it tastes so good, I was hungry. Suddenly, our vehicle was brought to a halt, giving us a jerk and startling me – I started choking, oh God, not now! After about two minutes of coughing I was alright. It seems it was a speeding biker.
I started feeling panicky, my throat was stressed, sore from all that choking on spicy food and today is a big day for us. Helplessly, I try to hum my song to see if I had the voice. No, throat is sore, voice is breaking. I hear my father say in an assuring tone, “It’ll go away, stay calm for a moment and relax, it’s nothing, you’ll do just fine.”
Music has always been a constant factor in my life that made me see and reach places I never can, in the physical realm of life. I do not know if it was the desire to colour my world, or to escape the loneliness, but I have been singing ever since I can remember. Music and singing has over and over assured me that, I am not lacking in anything and am seeing everything I should.
Today, I am participating in the semi-final round of a singing competition. But, now, I think I lost my singing voice for today. Papa tells me we’ve reached, I feel chilly wave running through my spine. Papa holds my hand and takes me to the backstage, I feel dizzy and I feel as though I might drop dead any moment. I am unaware of everything around me, papa tells me that there’s an hour time for my turn and next thing I know, I am being woken up from deep slumber. Sleep when stressed, like always. I do my vocal exercises, there is still some hoarseness. I am guided to a spot and feel the mic before me. It’s all happening too fast, I try to relax and wish the judges, and suddenly, everything just stops – I begin my song. As I begin, something in me loses it – the inhibition I feel, I let it all out, nothing exists anymore – only my voice. After I stop, I hear applause surrounding me, and voices shouting in unison - “encore”, and tears roll down my cheeks.
____________________________________________________________________________
HappyCapper - Please give review, and thankyou! 🙂
Title - An Aspiration
My father’s slow gentle tap on my shoulder brought me back from the trance I was put in by a beautiful flute composition, plugged into my ears. He tells me we are nearing our destination. I feel a pit in my tummy, my father places his warm hands on my hand. I bring his hand to my lips and kiss the back of his hand. This time, his hand has a faint smell of samosa(an Indian snack). I ask him, “Papa, did you have samosa without me?” , to which he said, “I wanted you to have it too, but, I didn’t want to disturb you. Here” , he placed the snack slowly in my hand, and I began taking mouthfuls, it tastes so good, I was hungry. Suddenly, our vehicle was brought to a halt, giving us a jerk and startling me – I started choking, oh God, not now! After about two minutes of coughing I was alright. It seems it was a speeding biker.
I started feeling panicky, my throat was stressed, sore from all that choking on spicy food and today is a big day for us. Helplessly, I try to hum my song to see if I had the voice. No, throat is sore, voice is breaking. I hear my father say in an assuring tone, “It’ll go away, stay calm for a moment and relax, it’s nothing, you’ll do just fine.”
Music has always been a constant factor in my life that made me see and reach places I never can, in the physical realm of life. I do not know if it was the desire to colour my world, or to escape the loneliness, but I have been singing ever since I can remember. Music and singing has over and over assured me that, I am not lacking in anything and am seeing everything I should.
Today, I am participating in the semi-final round of a singing competition. But, now, I think I lost my singing voice for today. Papa tells me we’ve reached, I feel chilly wave running through my spine. Papa holds my hand and takes me to the backstage, I feel dizzy and I feel as though I might drop dead any moment. I am unaware of everything around me, papa tells me that there’s an hour time for my turn and next thing I know, I am being woken up from deep slumber. Sleep when stressed, like always. I do my vocal exercises, there is still some hoarseness. I am guided to a spot and feel the mic before me. It’s all happening too fast, I try to relax and wish the judges, and suddenly, everything just stops – I begin my song. As I begin, something in me loses it – the inhibition I feel, I let it all out, nothing exists anymore – only my voice. After I stop, I hear applause surrounding me, and voices shouting in unison - “encore”, and tears roll down my cheeks.
____________________________________________________________________________
HappyCapper - Please give review, and thankyou! 🙂
Happy, can you say what disability she has ?😢
Posted by TrueFantasyThank you!🙂Posted by HappyCapper
@TrueFantasy
You may have to wait another day or two with your review. I have started on it, but I got my fever back and my brain just doesn't work. If you want a veeery short line or two about it, so you know a little before next submission, I can give you that, though.
Sorry!😢
Feel better soon!
I'll wait 🙂
click to expand
Posted by RumiLAfter a quick read, I'd say she's blind. BUT, I know this only because of how the assignment was formulated. I know she can hear, I know she can speak, so... But I can't see any evidence in your writing that she is blind...which ofc doesn't mean she's not.
Happy, can you say what disability she has ?😢
Posted by HappyCapperHmm.. Maybe I should've put atleast one sentence somewhere to clearly indicate.. I actually wrote something like "As a man was leading me to the stage, papa gave me a warm hug, if only I could see his face" ...but.... erased it ?...anyway, I can't wait to read your review! : DPosted by RumiLAfter a quick read, I'd say she's blind. BUT, I know this only because of how the assignment was formulated. I know she can hear, I know she can speak, so... But I can't see any evidence in your writing that she is blind...which ofc doesn't mean she's not.
Happy, can you say what disability she has ?😢
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Happy.. I toyed around with another story of how a blind girl insists on going to a zoo with her friend! :p ..but due to my poor English, it's always coming out lengthy and IDK :/
Posted by RumiLThat's difficult - finding the balance. To give the info, while not being too on the nose about it. I'll comment on your last post in your review.🙂Posted by HappyCapperHmm.. Maybe I should've put atleast one sentence somewhere to clearly indicate.. I actually wrote something like "As a man was leading me to the stage, papa gave me a warm hug, if only I could see his face" ...but.... erased it ?...anyway, I can't wait to read your review! : DPosted by RumiLAfter a quick read, I'd say she's blind. BUT, I know this only because of how the assignment was formulated. I know she can hear, I know she can speak, so... But I can't see any evidence in your writing that she is blind...which ofc doesn't mean she's not.
Happy, can you say what disability she has ?😢
Happy.. I toyed around with another story of how a blind girl insists on going to a zoo with her friend! :p ..but due to my poor English, it's always coming out lengthy and IDK :/
click to expand
Posted by TrueFantasyHehehe Well, you do have an hour...🙂
I'll post soon today!
Just need more time agggggh!
Posted by blackphaseYes, damn!😢Posted by HappyCapperI am fully booked with appts this afternoon 😢 damnnPosted by blackphaseYou have an hour this time...🙂
I fkn missed it again!!? -_-
click to expand
But the next one will be announced within the hour.🙂
...aaand deadline.
Next assignment will be posted shortly.🙂
Next assignment will be posted shortly.🙂
Assignment number 3.
For this assignment I will focus my judging especially on…everything. Write a story about a person who has done/is doing something truly terrible (Killed someone and not in self-defense? Raped someone? Emotionally abused another person? Hit or molested a child? It could be anything) and make me understand this character…and maybe even sympathize with him or her. Include dialogue.
Make me feel strongly about the piece!
You will have until July 27th 19:00 CEST to post your assignment. Make it a maximum of a 700 words. All the general rules mentioned in the OP still apply.
Good luck to you all!🙂
For this assignment I will focus my judging especially on…everything. Write a story about a person who has done/is doing something truly terrible (Killed someone and not in self-defense? Raped someone? Emotionally abused another person? Hit or molested a child? It could be anything) and make me understand this character…and maybe even sympathize with him or her. Include dialogue.
Make me feel strongly about the piece!
You will have until July 27th 19:00 CEST to post your assignment. Make it a maximum of a 700 words. All the general rules mentioned in the OP still apply.
Good luck to you all!🙂
@TrueFantasy
Your submission, according to Ms. Nitpicky Bitch.
Characterization. We know how she feels right now in this situation, but we don’t know who she is as a person. She has apparently been through some form of trauma and is reacting to that in a way many, or even most people might have, making it believable. Good! But, who is she? “solar child” points more into the direction of what role she is going to play in the novel(yes, It feels more like a part of a novel than a singular piece) and not so much to her personality. Gotta ask:
“She tip toes to her door and slowly turns the door handle until the vertical slit expands, heart pounding her chest. She looks around and sees no one. The white corridor is vacant. She rolls her eyes while her glance drops to her floor and sees a small black box with a silver ribbon on top.”
Why is she rolling her eyes? I didn’t get that.
Sometimes, I am confused as to her location – I think you see everything happen in your head, but the reader may miss a step or two. Example:
“slams her fist to the wall leaving a dent”
Here we know approximately how she is positioned in relation to a wall.
“She steps back”
Now, she’s at least a little bit further away from the wall, at least partly facing the wall, or she was close to the mirror all along, making the dent next to that. And then…
“rests her elbows onto the window pane”
And I wonder what happened. And then…
“She jumps onto her bed”
And again, I wonder what happened.
An idea is to try to put yourself outside yourself and into the reader’s position to see what’s actually there on the paper. What information is necessary? What information could be left out? Examples of what I think could be left out are:
“cheek scarred with a deep knife cut”
My suggestion: remove the knife. In this story, it’s not necessary to know what cut her. Let us wonder – trust our imagination.
“She holds it from the string and looks at the stone at eye level and sees a small eye drawn on.”
You don’t need to tell us that she held up the necklace at eye level. We need to know she held it up and that she could see the eye on it. This may seem like a small thing, but try it with and without it and feel the difference.
“She rolls over lying on her back and turns on the news broadcasting the current accident.”
When we have read this far, we know there was an accident, so explaining that “the news broadcasting the current accident” feels a bit much.
“the image of a sword slashes her mind”
Leaves more questions than answers.
There is a lot going on for such a short story. Maybe put more focus into less. For instance, does the part about the mother really add to the story?
To be continued…
Your submission, according to Ms. Nitpicky Bitch.
Characterization. We know how she feels right now in this situation, but we don’t know who she is as a person. She has apparently been through some form of trauma and is reacting to that in a way many, or even most people might have, making it believable. Good! But, who is she? “solar child” points more into the direction of what role she is going to play in the novel(yes, It feels more like a part of a novel than a singular piece) and not so much to her personality. Gotta ask:
“She tip toes to her door and slowly turns the door handle until the vertical slit expands, heart pounding her chest. She looks around and sees no one. The white corridor is vacant. She rolls her eyes while her glance drops to her floor and sees a small black box with a silver ribbon on top.”
Why is she rolling her eyes? I didn’t get that.
Sometimes, I am confused as to her location – I think you see everything happen in your head, but the reader may miss a step or two. Example:
“slams her fist to the wall leaving a dent”
Here we know approximately how she is positioned in relation to a wall.
“She steps back”
Now, she’s at least a little bit further away from the wall, at least partly facing the wall, or she was close to the mirror all along, making the dent next to that. And then…
“rests her elbows onto the window pane”
And I wonder what happened. And then…
“She jumps onto her bed”
And again, I wonder what happened.
An idea is to try to put yourself outside yourself and into the reader’s position to see what’s actually there on the paper. What information is necessary? What information could be left out? Examples of what I think could be left out are:
“cheek scarred with a deep knife cut”
My suggestion: remove the knife. In this story, it’s not necessary to know what cut her. Let us wonder – trust our imagination.
“She holds it from the string and looks at the stone at eye level and sees a small eye drawn on.”
You don’t need to tell us that she held up the necklace at eye level. We need to know she held it up and that she could see the eye on it. This may seem like a small thing, but try it with and without it and feel the difference.
“She rolls over lying on her back and turns on the news broadcasting the current accident.”
When we have read this far, we know there was an accident, so explaining that “the news broadcasting the current accident” feels a bit much.
“the image of a sword slashes her mind”
Leaves more questions than answers.
There is a lot going on for such a short story. Maybe put more focus into less. For instance, does the part about the mother really add to the story?
To be continued…
@Truefantasy cont'd
The setting stretches wider than to the main character’s whereabouts, which I like. It feels 3D. Even though the happenings in the background seem to be of giant proportions(too much for this short story?)I like that you added sounds from it that can be heard even in her living quarters. In addition, you display reflected light that also gives testament to what is happening outside and at the same time links her to it. This, I feel, gives another dimension to the piece. Good!
You seem to be very careful with the text; it feels edited. I think you have put in a lot of thought and effort and your spellcheck is definitely on. Good! All you need is to really acquaint yourself with the language, and I think you’re well on your way of doing that. Examples of what you may want to look at language wise:
“A flash of walls tumbling down and people crushed onto the floor.”
Incomplete sentence.
Punctuation. Think, readability. How does it feel when you read the sentences out load? What does it mean and when do you pause naturally for effect or simply to breathe? Just going by this will naturally not work 100% , but I feel it could help greatly in many cases.
“Her scream breaks out and amplifies the screech yet hoping the pillow drowns the noise.”
“Her olive skin is tinted with city nightlights and rests her elbows onto the window pane “
“Her head follows the sound of the vehicles screeching and crashing, voices yelling over each other and spots a TV crew reporting an accident.”
Dangling modifiers are often not caught by the spellcheck function, so really look for those.
It feels like you want to really throw it in there but then you hold back anyway. If I were you, I wouldn’t hold back at all in the beginning – if you feel you went over the top in the end, then edit. I would love to see what a completely unafraid TrueFantasy could accomplish.
Really dive into your characters and dare to go where you actually want to go. Look closely at what should be in and what could be left out on all levels. It’s a tricky balance. You have the imagination, the sense of structure, the passion(even if it may not always feels like it for you) and the will. Imo, all you need to do is keep at it. You should know that I was eager to keep reading the piece from top to bottom, so good work!🙂
So sorry for the late response!
/ Nitpicky Bitch
The setting stretches wider than to the main character’s whereabouts, which I like. It feels 3D. Even though the happenings in the background seem to be of giant proportions(too much for this short story?)I like that you added sounds from it that can be heard even in her living quarters. In addition, you display reflected light that also gives testament to what is happening outside and at the same time links her to it. This, I feel, gives another dimension to the piece. Good!
You seem to be very careful with the text; it feels edited. I think you have put in a lot of thought and effort and your spellcheck is definitely on. Good! All you need is to really acquaint yourself with the language, and I think you’re well on your way of doing that. Examples of what you may want to look at language wise:
“A flash of walls tumbling down and people crushed onto the floor.”
Incomplete sentence.
Punctuation. Think, readability. How does it feel when you read the sentences out load? What does it mean and when do you pause naturally for effect or simply to breathe? Just going by this will naturally not work 100% , but I feel it could help greatly in many cases.
“Her scream breaks out and amplifies the screech yet hoping the pillow drowns the noise.”
“Her olive skin is tinted with city nightlights and rests her elbows onto the window pane “
“Her head follows the sound of the vehicles screeching and crashing, voices yelling over each other and spots a TV crew reporting an accident.”
Dangling modifiers are often not caught by the spellcheck function, so really look for those.
It feels like you want to really throw it in there but then you hold back anyway. If I were you, I wouldn’t hold back at all in the beginning – if you feel you went over the top in the end, then edit. I would love to see what a completely unafraid TrueFantasy could accomplish.
Really dive into your characters and dare to go where you actually want to go. Look closely at what should be in and what could be left out on all levels. It’s a tricky balance. You have the imagination, the sense of structure, the passion(even if it may not always feels like it for you) and the will. Imo, all you need to do is keep at it. You should know that I was eager to keep reading the piece from top to bottom, so good work!🙂
So sorry for the late response!
/ Nitpicky Bitch
@TrueFantasy
I missed a paragraph when I copy-pasted, but it's there now. It's the first one in the second post. Sorry.
I missed a paragraph when I copy-pasted, but it's there now. It's the first one in the second post. Sorry.
Deadline sooooon! Pooooost!🙂
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I jist went back and edited.
So I an move to #2??