geminiwithataurusman
@geminiwithataurusman
4 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 155 · Topics: 1
My Taurus husband cheating on me (Page 3)
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Posted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by ELIGABPosted by LunamaraPosted by ELIGABPosted by Lunamara
What kind of business do they have together
Hump and Blow
I’m serious. He was probably banking on her not knowing about but now wife can take half of his potion of the business
Karma bitch lol
Yeah u have to be this harsh
I regret not doing so during my divorce I got blind sided
I'm serious too, 😂🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
What, it's a scorp and a Taurus, come on now
Nah seriously, this thread is sad and makes me upset..
Honestly sex is the only thing that keep certain signs together and it's boring as fuck
Greedy and disrespectful
Simplicity at its finest
I'm sorry that anyone would have to go through this.. Honestly Idk what I would've done.. probably snap.. why I'm so cautious to have a family
Because man and woman is not the same........
It's scary....
Thank you for your response.
"What, it's a scorp and a Taurus, come on now " - what is with a Scorpio and Taurus astrological wise. Their business looks like it took a year to come to, and it's nothing to do with anything sexual. They both talk about money the same, I can tell from their text messages, they have the same drive. My husband is very money money money but not in a bad way, and she seems like the same. I am able to face truths and facts and if this wasn't my husband, I would think from what I see in their text messages. They actually seem to make a good team. She pushes him my husband is slow to take. He has also saved voice messages from her and she goes from business to telling him how much she loves him. In my head, I do want to think this is a fling and something we can get past but as I keep replaying text messages, pix , he seems like he cares for her.click to expand
What's your moon sign??
Posted by ELIGABPosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by ELIGABPosted by LunamaraPosted by ELIGABPosted by Lunamara
What kind of business do they have together
Hump and Blow
I’m serious. He was probably banking on her not knowing about but now wife can take half of his potion of the business
Karma bitch lol
Yeah u have to be this harsh
I regret not doing so during my divorce I got blind sided
I'm serious too, 😂🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
What, it's a scorp and a Taurus, come on now
Nah seriously, this thread is sad and makes me upset..
Honestly sex is the only thing that keep certain signs together and it's boring as fuck
Greedy and disrespectful
Simplicity at its finest
I'm sorry that anyone would have to go through this.. Honestly Idk what I would've done.. probably snap.. why I'm so cautious to have a family
Because man and woman is not the same........
It's scary....
Thank you for your response.
"What, it's a scorp and a Taurus, come on now " - what is with a Scorpio and Taurus astrological wise. Their business looks like it took a year to come to, and it's nothing to do with anything sexual. They both talk about money the same, I can tell from their text messages, they have the same drive. My husband is very money money money but not in a bad way, and she seems like the same. I am able to face truths and facts and if this wasn't my husband, I would think from what I see in their text messages. They actually seem to make a good team. She pushes him my husband is slow to take. He has also saved voice messages from her and she goes from business to telling him how much she loves him. In my head, I do want to think this is a fling and something we can get past but as I keep replaying text messages, pix , he seems like he cares for her.
What's your moon sign??click to expand
Taurus. What does that mean? his moon is in libra
Posted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by ELIGABPosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by ELIGABPosted by LunamaraPosted by ELIGABPosted by Lunamara
What kind of business do they have together
Hump and Blow
I’m serious. He was probably banking on her not knowing about but now wife can take half of his potion of the business
Karma bitch lol
Yeah u have to be this harsh
I regret not doing so during my divorce I got blind sided
I'm serious too, 😂🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
What, it's a scorp and a Taurus, come on now
Nah seriously, this thread is sad and makes me upset..
Honestly sex is the only thing that keep certain signs together and it's boring as fuck
Greedy and disrespectful
Simplicity at its finest
I'm sorry that anyone would have to go through this.. Honestly Idk what I would've done.. probably snap.. why I'm so cautious to have a family
Because man and woman is not the same........
It's scary....
Thank you for your response.
"What, it's a scorp and a Taurus, come on now " - what is with a Scorpio and Taurus astrological wise. Their business looks like it took a year to come to, and it's nothing to do with anything sexual. They both talk about money the same, I can tell from their text messages, they have the same drive. My husband is very money money money but not in a bad way, and she seems like the same. I am able to face truths and facts and if this wasn't my husband, I would think from what I see in their text messages. They actually seem to make a good team. She pushes him my husband is slow to take. He has also saved voice messages from her and she goes from business to telling him how much she loves him. In my head, I do want to think this is a fling and something we can get past but as I keep replaying text messages, pix , he seems like he cares for her.
What's your moon sign??
his moon is in libraclick to expand
Posted by jeanePosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by ELIGABPosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by ELIGABPosted by LunamaraPosted by ELIGABPosted by Lunamara
What kind of business do they have together
Hump and Blow
I’m serious. He was probably banking on her not knowing about but now wife can take half of his potion of the business
Karma bitch lol
Yeah u have to be this harsh
I regret not doing so during my divorce I got blind sided
I'm serious too, 😂🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
What, it's a scorp and a Taurus, come on now
Nah seriously, this thread is sad and makes me upset..
Honestly sex is the only thing that keep certain signs together and it's boring as fuck
Greedy and disrespectful
Simplicity at its finest
I'm sorry that anyone would have to go through this.. Honestly Idk what I would've done.. probably snap.. why I'm so cautious to have a family
Because man and woman is not the same........
It's scary....
Thank you for your response.
"What, it's a scorp and a Taurus, come on now " - what is with a Scorpio and Taurus astrological wise. Their business looks like it took a year to come to, and it's nothing to do with anything sexual. They both talk about money the same, I can tell from their text messages, they have the same drive. My husband is very money money money but not in a bad way, and she seems like the same. I am able to face truths and facts and if this wasn't my husband, I would think from what I see in their text messages. They actually seem to make a good team. She pushes him my husband is slow to take. He has also saved voice messages from her and she goes from business to telling him how much she loves him. In my head, I do want to think this is a fling and something we can get past but as I keep replaying text messages, pix , he seems like he cares for her.
What's your moon sign??
his moon is in libra
https://media3.giphy.com/media/l1J9NK3i9z1fa57TW/giphy.gif<div class="bqfade">click to expand
🤐
Posted by jeanePosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by ELIGABPosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by ELIGABPosted by LunamaraPosted by ELIGABPosted by Lunamara
What kind of business do they have together
Hump and Blow
I’m serious. He was probably banking on her not knowing about but now wife can take half of his potion of the business
Karma bitch lol
Yeah u have to be this harsh
I regret not doing so during my divorce I got blind sided
I'm serious too, 😂🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
What, it's a scorp and a Taurus, come on now
Nah seriously, this thread is sad and makes me upset..
Honestly sex is the only thing that keep certain signs together and it's boring as fuck
Greedy and disrespectful
Simplicity at its finest
I'm sorry that anyone would have to go through this.. Honestly Idk what I would've done.. probably snap.. why I'm so cautious to have a family
Because man and woman is not the same........
It's scary....
Thank you for your response.
"What, it's a scorp and a Taurus, come on now " - what is with a Scorpio and Taurus astrological wise. Their business looks like it took a year to come to, and it's nothing to do with anything sexual. They both talk about money the same, I can tell from their text messages, they have the same drive. My husband is very money money money but not in a bad way, and she seems like the same. I am able to face truths and facts and if this wasn't my husband, I would think from what I see in their text messages. They actually seem to make a good team. She pushes him my husband is slow to take. He has also saved voice messages from her and she goes from business to telling him how much she loves him. In my head, I do want to think this is a fling and something we can get past but as I keep replaying text messages, pix , he seems like he cares for her.
What's your moon sign??
his moon is in libra
https://media3.giphy.com/media/l1J9NK3i9z1fa57TW/giphy.gif<div class="bqfade">click to expand
Jeane, what does moon in libra mean?
Posted by ELIGABPosted by jeanePosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by ELIGABPosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by ELIGABPosted by LunamaraPosted by ELIGABPosted by Lunamara
What kind of business do they have together
Hump and Blow
I’m serious. He was probably banking on her not knowing about but now wife can take half of his potion of the business
Karma bitch lol
Yeah u have to be this harsh
I regret not doing so during my divorce I got blind sided
I'm serious too, 😂🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
What, it's a scorp and a Taurus, come on now
Nah seriously, this thread is sad and makes me upset..
Honestly sex is the only thing that keep certain signs together and it's boring as fuck
Greedy and disrespectful
Simplicity at its finest
I'm sorry that anyone would have to go through this.. Honestly Idk what I would've done.. probably snap.. why I'm so cautious to have a family
Because man and woman is not the same........
It's scary....
Thank you for your response.
"What, it's a scorp and a Taurus, come on now " - what is with a Scorpio and Taurus astrological wise. Their business looks like it took a year to come to, and it's nothing to do with anything sexual. They both talk about money the same, I can tell from their text messages, they have the same drive. My husband is very money money money but not in a bad way, and she seems like the same. I am able to face truths and facts and if this wasn't my husband, I would think from what I see in their text messages. They actually seem to make a good team. She pushes him my husband is slow to take. He has also saved voice messages from her and she goes from business to telling him how much she loves him. In my head, I do want to think this is a fling and something we can get past but as I keep replaying text messages, pix , he seems like he cares for her.
What's your moon sign??
his moon is in libra
🤐click to expand
What does that mean ELIGAB moon in Libra?
Posted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by MikeNYNYCPosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by MisscappyPosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by Astrobyn
He's invested more with this women than he has with you. what he has with you sounds more like maintaining obligations.
Taurus energy likes to build, not maintain.
You know that saying "they never leave their wives" I don't think that's true here, he's making her his wife.
Your friend sent you here to face the truth.
Thank you Astrobyn. Yes and I can take all of the raw aspects of it. so again thank you!
"maintaining obligations" that is something of kind of what my friend said. I mentioned to her our family vacations, family gatherings, even friends when they hosted couple nights, he attends with no problem. He even posts me on social media outlets. To me, I thought that was letting our friends and family know that what we have is solid. Yes our home life isn't peaches and all cream but to publicly display with outings, outlets, etc showed me something at least. Hope that we were ok. That we are ok.
"Taurus energy likes to build, not maintain" I would think our family is building with our 3 children but maybe my reality is not accurate
"Making her his wife"- That is wow. We have 3 children and history. I thought Taurus' were rooted in being slow and no to change. That is a huge change!
What do you think Astrobyn? Thank you for the truth bombs.
So publicly he is still showing a picture of a happy family, but yet the family is broken on the inside?
I dont think it's about maintaining obligations. I think it is more about reputation and how he cares about what other people think of him as a husband and a father.
Now the question is, what do you want?
I've known a taurus man with gemini mars since college. His wife's story would be similar to yours.
Thank you Misscappy. "So publicly he is still showing a picture of a happy family, but yet the family is broken on the inside?" I thought due to always doing all events happily and the combination of his publicly showing me, I thought we were fine. Yes our homelife is not the very best or passionate but it is not bad, we do not argue, we do things with our children, we talk, currently he is an another room with the kids watching tv and doing other things. It is I suppose a word for it, is routine. Never would think to him, our family is broken on the inside or he was in a 3 year almost 4 year relationship with someone else intertwined with an established business and property-seeking.
"I dont think it's about maintaining obligations. I think it is more about reputation and how he cares about what other people think of him as a husband and a father." While having an almost 4-year relationship-building things with her. Maintaining his reputation but having a business with his girlfriend. The more I think about it, this is definitely not just someone he is sleeping with. This is very hard to wrap my head around.
I’m sorry. Consider the fact that he’s clearly laying down roots with this woman. Laying down financial foundations. He’s building memories, and personal as well as professional relations with her. He’s deeply intertwining his life with hers. This is more than just even a lengthy affair. Exchanging pics of kids is the icing on the cake. Taurus don’t lay roots like this down without deep thought. Also, once Taurus makes a decision, it’s in motion and set in stone.
Thank you MikeNYNYC. I took yesterday to read over things. Yesterday he asked did I want to take the kids to the drive in movies, so we did. Things like that, if I didnt read those text messages, I would think we were fine. As you said "intertwining his life" he constantly keeps our family "intertwined" he doesnt separate himself. Thank you againclick to expand
No problem—a-ny-time. Drive through with the kids is family time. For the sake of the kids. But what about one on one time?
Posted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by MikeNYNYCPosted by geminiwithataurusman
Hello, A good friend of mine told me to log on here to get some insight on the astrological side. Some facts:
My husband and I met in high school, we were together and then broke up and got back together, I got pregnant at 18 and he decided he wanted to always be around his child everyday and that we were going to be a family. We got married when our child turned 2. We have been married now for over a decade and I thought we were happy. We have had hiccups and honestly while we are great friends, I do feel that we are very different romantically but nothing our marriage can't fix to me. I found out he has been seeing a woman for 3 years so I suppose it is not just an affair. I have read some text messages to her and they are really really involved. He asks her opinion a lot about life matters, work matters, and from the looks of it, they started a secret business together! They even have a realtor to purchase property! I am really into signs and everything I have read, it states Taurus's are loyal and won't cheat but of course here we are. I know we can't lump all Taurus' in one big group but I am very surprised that it seems like he has a real relationship with this woman. It is not just sex from what I see and honestly also from what I have read they have the same love languages. My husband and I hardly have sex, and awhile ago in an argument he told me had checked out years ago but that to me is anger talking and we do have three beautiful children and he is such a great father, he still attends family gatherings and takes us on family vacations and I feel like our history is so rich since we have been at this since high school, we are now 40!
My cousin tells me, he settled for me because of the children and that's what Taurus' do, he's obligated to me and if he has been with this woman for 3 years and counting, its not a fling but I just don't believe that! I guess here I am seeking any Taurus' advice and if you think this 3-year relationship is real or not and how should I proceed. I have not told him I know.
What are both your birthdates?
June 1st and April 23rdclick to expand
What are the years, respectively?
Posted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by jeanePosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by ELIGABPosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by ELIGABPosted by LunamaraPosted by ELIGABPosted by Lunamara
What kind of business do they have together
Hump and Blow
I’m serious. He was probably banking on her not knowing about but now wife can take half of his potion of the business
Karma bitch lol
Yeah u have to be this harsh
I regret not doing so during my divorce I got blind sided
I'm serious too, 😂🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️
What, it's a scorp and a Taurus, come on now
Nah seriously, this thread is sad and makes me upset..
Honestly sex is the only thing that keep certain signs together and it's boring as fuck
Greedy and disrespectful
Simplicity at its finest
I'm sorry that anyone would have to go through this.. Honestly Idk what I would've done.. probably snap.. why I'm so cautious to have a family
Because man and woman is not the same........
It's scary....
Thank you for your response.
"What, it's a scorp and a Taurus, come on now " - what is with a Scorpio and Taurus astrological wise. Their business looks like it took a year to come to, and it's nothing to do with anything sexual. They both talk about money the same, I can tell from their text messages, they have the same drive. My husband is very money money money but not in a bad way, and she seems like the same. I am able to face truths and facts and if this wasn't my husband, I would think from what I see in their text messages. They actually seem to make a good team. She pushes him my husband is slow to take. He has also saved voice messages from her and she goes from business to telling him how much she loves him. In my head, I do want to think this is a fling and something we can get past but as I keep replaying text messages, pix , he seems like he cares for her.
What's your moon sign??
his moon is in libra
Jeane, what does moon in libra mean?click to expand
They have a reputation for being disingenuous.
Thank you everyone for all of your responses. I still have not said anything and still figuring it out in my head. This past weekend, we did all of the family things. Yesterday, we had a small gathering with family friends a couple and their children, we had a BBQ. Today we all had brunch with another family friend and their children. Again, you wouldn't be able to tell anything, he is present with all of us, takes photos and does it happily. I keep thinking maybe this woman is temporary for him because he is so present with our family.
Posted by geminiwithataurusman
Thank you everyone for all of your responses. I still have not said anything and still figuring it out in my head. This past weekend, we did all of the family things. Yesterday, we had a small gathering with family friends a couple and their children, we had a BBQ. Today we all had brunch with another family friend and their children. Again, you wouldn't be able to tell anything, he is present with all of us, takes photos and does it happily. I keep thinking maybe this woman is temporary for him because he is so present with our family.
I don’t think you love him either. You are so cool and nonchalant. Are you financially dependent on him? I mean why are you willing to accept this? Are you afraid to lose him? Are you planning on Carry on like nothing?
Seems as long as he show up with family act normal n poses for photos he Mets your needs. The bar is kinda of low no?
I mean you lied through this whole outing as well . Acting like everything is normal. See how easy it is?
Posted by geminiwithataurusman
Thank you everyone for all of your responses. I still have not said anything and still figuring it out in my head. This past weekend, we did all of the family things. Yesterday, we had a small gathering with family friends a couple and their children, we had a BBQ. Today we all had brunch with another family friend and their children. Again, you wouldn't be able to tell anything, he is present with all of us, takes photos and does it happily. I keep thinking maybe this woman is temporary for him because he is so present with our family.
One thing I’ve learned from experience and seeing what happens to other people and friends when relationships end. We/they all find out the person they thought they knew through and through doesn’t exist when they walk away. The person that you thought would never hurt you will turn his back and turn on you and a lot of the times it’s regardless of the children witnessing it or not.
He’s setting up a new life with her, a business and home. Of course he’s acting like he’s all in with the family. He’s fearful that if you get wind of any of this, you’ll take steps to stop him taking YOU to the cleaner financially.
Wake up!!! Your friend sent you here because you aren’t listening to her. Tell us what she is telling you to do. Go see a solicitor, get some professional advice. Safe guard yourself and the kids. If nothing comes of it. Great! But don’t allow yourself to be blindsided anymore, if not for your sake then for the kids!
1. You found out he has been having full blown up relationship with someone else for 3 years and counting..
2. You read messages and you know he is involved emotionally with another..
3. He told you he has checked out from your relationship long ago..
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
Honestly how—
I'm so sorry but I agree to your cousin completely.
2. You read messages and you know he is involved emotionally with another..
3. He told you he has checked out from your relationship long ago..
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
Honestly how—
I'm so sorry but I agree to your cousin completely.
Posted by thatlibralife
And to add more clarity to the situation about Taurus men let me give you an example.
My ex husband and I didn’t often get along. He was controlling, bossy and sneaky and we often argued. But because he saw his married friends on Facebook having their wedding vows renewed he brought up that we should too. It was just for show to make people think we were deep in love so he’d look good. Maybe that’s what some of them like to do, keep up appearances... I wouldn’t use that measure as a sign of whether he’s happy with the marriage. The affair is the bell weather...
Thank you thatlibralife. I do have a lot of anger but I also have children that in our presence 90% of the time when we are together. It does take a lot from me not to scream but I do. If I may ask, how long were you two married and did you initiate divorce? My cousin keeps telling me Taurus' don't leave.
Posted by LunamaraPosted by geminiwithataurusman
Thank you everyone for all of your responses. I still have not said anything and still figuring it out in my head. This past weekend, we did all of the family things. Yesterday, we had a small gathering with family friends a couple and their children, we had a BBQ. Today we all had brunch with another family friend and their children. Again, you wouldn't be able to tell anything, he is present with all of us, takes photos and does it happily. I keep thinking maybe this woman is temporary for him because he is so present with our family.
I don’t think you love him either. You are so cool and nonchalant. Are you financially dependent on him? I mean why are you willing to accept this? Are you afraid to lose him? Are you planning on Carry on like nothing?
Seems as long as he show up with family act normal n poses for photos he Mets your needs. The bar is kinda of low no?click to expand
Hello Lunamara. Thank you. I do love him, he is all I have known really. Besides our small break in high school and me dating then, he is the only adult relationship I have had. I absolutely do love him and I love the family we have built together. We have years together so it is very hard to understand why is he doing this. I do have a have a job and I make an ok amount, if we were to seperate, I would definitely need something else. I would not be able to make it financially on my own. He does pay all household bills and my money I sometimes pay for groceries, outings, etc but major bills, my husband does take care of.
I am very afraid to lose him. We have so many years, family, friends.
Its not that as long as he shows up to family events, act normal and poses for pictures, I am ok. I am trying to process if he wasn't for me, then why would he do those things anyway? That is keeping our marriage safe to me. To process him keeping our marriage safe and then realizing he is having an affair is surprising and hurtful but I am trying to make sense of it, if that makes sense.
Posted by Lunamara
I mean you lied through this whole outing as well . Acting like everything is normal. See how easy it is?
This is true but I do see it differently. I am fighting for my family while in my head of trying to process why he has a woman in his text messages like he does. I will be honest and say I think this is temporary and she will disappear. As we have years under our belt. I do not want to lose him, our marriage or our years.
Posted by sweetheartsPosted by geminiwithataurusman
Thank you everyone for all of your responses. I still have not said anything and still figuring it out in my head. This past weekend, we did all of the family things. Yesterday, we had a small gathering with family friends a couple and their children, we had a BBQ. Today we all had brunch with another family friend and their children. Again, you wouldn't be able to tell anything, he is present with all of us, takes photos and does it happily. I keep thinking maybe this woman is temporary for him because he is so present with our family.
One thing I’ve learned from experience and seeing what happens to other people and friends when relationships end. We/they all find out the person they thought they knew through and through doesn’t exist when they walk away. The person that you thought would never hurt you will turn his back and turn on you and a lot of the times it’s regardless of the children witnessing it or not.
He’s setting up a new life with her, a business and home. Of course he’s acting like he’s all in with the family. He’s fearful that if you get wind of any of this, you’ll take steps to stop him taking YOU to the cleaner financially.
Wake up!!! Your friend sent you here because you aren’t listening to her. Tell us what she is telling you to do. Go see a solicitor, get some professional advice. Safe guard yourself and the kids. If nothing comes of it. Great! But don’t allow yourself to be blindsided anymore, if not for your sake then for the kids!click to expand
Thank you sweethearts. Thank you very much.
Posted by pisceanloves
1. You found out he has been having full blown up relationship with someone else for 3 years and counting..
2. You read messages and you know he is involved emotionally with another..
3. He told you he has checked out from your relationship long ago..
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
Honestly how—
I'm so sorry but I agree to your cousin completely.
Thank you pisceanloves. To respond to each number:
1/2. Yes, I have but I have this hope and notion, that she will eventually fall off. My philosophy I guess, if he didn't love me, he would of left. This may sound crazy but it is what I have believe. He has never pulled the trigger on our marriage.
3. He did tell me that years ago, but that was also in an argument. In arguments so many things are said, I have called him harsh things in the heat of the moment and never thought about leaving our marriage.
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
I guess because I look at our years together as a unit, as a couple. We have built a family. We have been together since high school. We have so many friends and family that look up to us. years vs 3 years is nothing I see him leaving his family for. I am trying to process all of my thoughts and the sting of what I read but I think I said this before, it was like I was reading a book because my husband shows up. He has not indicated he doesn't love me. He even bought me a new ring when the pandemic started. That in itself to me, says he loves me and our marriage. I do not approve of this but I do think 3 years is something temporary over something we have known since high school.
a really interesting thread in terms of human study.
you put a lot of stock in outward appearances and the value that having friends that look up to hold. i suspect that might be a female way of looking at things. i doubt that having lots of shared friends is a motivating factor for men when they decide to cheat on their wives.
that you feel this is a temporary blip while he is building a business with her, goes to her for advice and emotional support and shares a part of his life with her that he does not with you is i think denial at play.
if you think he really loves you and isn't interested in a future with her, why not confront him with this? there is nothing to lose since you want to stay and the marriage and according to your understanding, so does he.
you put a lot of stock in outward appearances and the value that having friends that look up to hold. i suspect that might be a female way of looking at things. i doubt that having lots of shared friends is a motivating factor for men when they decide to cheat on their wives.
that you feel this is a temporary blip while he is building a business with her, goes to her for advice and emotional support and shares a part of his life with her that he does not with you is i think denial at play.
if you think he really loves you and isn't interested in a future with her, why not confront him with this? there is nothing to lose since you want to stay and the marriage and according to your understanding, so does he.
Thank you again, everyone. Some of you have asked why am I not upset and what is my family saying?
It is not that I am not upset. I'm pissed and I am hurt. I have cursed and screamed and felt sorry for myself. I have sat and looked at the wall for hours not understanding anything that I have read. Going between the actions of how he is in our marriage and everything that I have read. My cousin had me make a list of the things that I see in our marriage that never drew any flags up for me and I will list them here too.
1. He hasn't left physically or made me think he doesn't love me. He says it.
2. He makes it a priority to still take us out as a family and do things as a family. He doesn't exclude me in these things, if anything he makes sure, I am on board and we discuss what exactly we are doing and how we are doing it.
3. Friends, and other marital couples-our friends have couples nights, etc, and he attends with a smile on his face and actively present. If I bring up an event, he asks what time and the particulars, and we attend as a couple-no hesitation.
4. Extended family events-again, he shows up happily. He doesnt make any excuses to stay at home, he is right along side me and the kids.
5. Our children events-we tackle those together. again he never makes excuses or asks me to sit out. We do those together.
6. He bought me a new marital ring when before the pandemic happened for valentines day. To me, that shows a commitment to our marriage and me. I did not ask for this new ring.
7. Social media-he doesn't hide me. He post for all holidays, and special occasions. He addresses me as his wife. There is no hiding from our world, our family, our friends. If he was on his way out, I feel that these would be non existent.
8. He still comes home every night-he comes home every night and he has not made any indication that he wants to not be at home. Again, active with our children, etc
9. We don't argue. we have a disagreement here or there but we do not argue. There are no bad days. We get along great.
10. He is still here. He has not left in any capacity.
My cousin simply says that she doesn't doubt that he loves me but probably not in the romantic sense. That he probably sees me as the mother of his children, someone that he has known for a long time and probably someone that he settled for because I was familiar. That Taurus' have a need for stability and once I became pregnant, I became a duty for him. That it wasn't a passionate, I love her, I want to be with her but a I love her, she is pregnant, I need to be responsible. And probably with this woman he has what he has been missing all of these years. So yes he is trying to build with her but also he has a duty and responsibility to our home. And that most likely, he has no intention of leaving me yet because there are still duties he has to maintain but that does not mean he will stop building with her. That it would probably take her putting a line in the sand for him to make a move because he is a Taurus and his hooves are stuck and slow. That I should think of it as he is married to our children and life over being married to me. Which I do not understand as he is actually married to me.
It is not that I am not upset. I'm pissed and I am hurt. I have cursed and screamed and felt sorry for myself. I have sat and looked at the wall for hours not understanding anything that I have read. Going between the actions of how he is in our marriage and everything that I have read. My cousin had me make a list of the things that I see in our marriage that never drew any flags up for me and I will list them here too.
1. He hasn't left physically or made me think he doesn't love me. He says it.
2. He makes it a priority to still take us out as a family and do things as a family. He doesn't exclude me in these things, if anything he makes sure, I am on board and we discuss what exactly we are doing and how we are doing it.
3. Friends, and other marital couples-our friends have couples nights, etc, and he attends with a smile on his face and actively present. If I bring up an event, he asks what time and the particulars, and we attend as a couple-no hesitation.
4. Extended family events-again, he shows up happily. He doesnt make any excuses to stay at home, he is right along side me and the kids.
5. Our children events-we tackle those together. again he never makes excuses or asks me to sit out. We do those together.
6. He bought me a new marital ring when before the pandemic happened for valentines day. To me, that shows a commitment to our marriage and me. I did not ask for this new ring.
7. Social media-he doesn't hide me. He post for all holidays, and special occasions. He addresses me as his wife. There is no hiding from our world, our family, our friends. If he was on his way out, I feel that these would be non existent.
8. He still comes home every night-he comes home every night and he has not made any indication that he wants to not be at home. Again, active with our children, etc
9. We don't argue. we have a disagreement here or there but we do not argue. There are no bad days. We get along great.
10. He is still here. He has not left in any capacity.
My cousin simply says that she doesn't doubt that he loves me but probably not in the romantic sense. That he probably sees me as the mother of his children, someone that he has known for a long time and probably someone that he settled for because I was familiar. That Taurus' have a need for stability and once I became pregnant, I became a duty for him. That it wasn't a passionate, I love her, I want to be with her but a I love her, she is pregnant, I need to be responsible. And probably with this woman he has what he has been missing all of these years. So yes he is trying to build with her but also he has a duty and responsibility to our home. And that most likely, he has no intention of leaving me yet because there are still duties he has to maintain but that does not mean he will stop building with her. That it would probably take her putting a line in the sand for him to make a move because he is a Taurus and his hooves are stuck and slow. That I should think of it as he is married to our children and life over being married to me. Which I do not understand as he is actually married to me.
Posted by thatlibralifePosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by thatlibralife
And to add more clarity to the situation about Taurus men let me give you an example.
My ex husband and I didn’t often get along. He was controlling, bossy and sneaky and we often argued. But because he saw his married friends on Facebook having their wedding vows renewed he brought up that we should too. It was just for show to make people think we were deep in love so he’d look good. Maybe that’s what some of them like to do, keep up appearances... I wouldn’t use that measure as a sign of whether he’s happy with the marriage. The affair is the bell weather...
Thank you thatlibralife. I do have a lot of anger but I also have children that in our presence 90% of the time when we are together. It does take a lot from me not to scream but I do. If I may ask, how long were you two married and did you initiate divorce? My cousin keeps telling me Taurus' don't leave.
I initiated the divorce. He did not want me to leave. He did a lot of bad things during the marriage which I won’t go into. I’m not saying he’s a bad person completely but bad for me. I have my tipping points and dishonesty and betrayal are at the top of the list. I feel for you as I know this is hard especially since he pretends all is well. You’ve got your kids to think about of course. But at the end of the day he’s not being a good father by dishonoring their mother in such an underhanded way. And I’ll tell you something, if you want this marriage to work you need to confront that barricuda who’s stealing your husband’s affections. He’s YOUR man!
And I don’t mean to be crude but there is no way in hell I’m gonna sleep well at night knowing that some other women is getting MY dick! It will be over my dead damn body....click to expand
Thank you thatlibralife. I do want our marriage to work, he is what I know. Years. I have also read her saying she was going to leave and he has begged her to stay and then a couple of text messages or days away, they are discussing his father and how is he retiring and then jump to should they open this business or not with money they have made from the first.
Not crude at all. I sometimes think too, maybe I havent had sex with him enough. I don't put too much on sex. But maybe I should or should have. I tell him how I feel.
Posted by jeane
a really interesting thread in terms of human study.
you put a lot of stock in outward appearances and the value that having friends that look up to hold. i suspect that might be a female way of looking at things. i doubt that having lots of shared friends is a motivating factor for men when they decide to cheat on their wives.
that you feel this is a temporary blip while he is building a business with her, goes to her for advice and emotional support and shares a part of his life with her that he does not with you is i think denial at play.
if you think he really loves you and isn't interested in a future with her, why not confront him with this? there is nothing to lose since you want to stay and the marriage and according to your understanding, so does he.
Thank you Jeane. I am trying to digest and find the best way to bring it up to him. I don't want to lose our marriage and yes to me his actions says he doesnt want to lose our marriage either.
Posted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by jeane
a really interesting thread in terms of human study.
you put a lot of stock in outward appearances and the value that having friends that look up to hold. i suspect that might be a female way of looking at things. i doubt that having lots of shared friends is a motivating factor for men when they decide to cheat on their wives.
that you feel this is a temporary blip while he is building a business with her, goes to her for advice and emotional support and shares a part of his life with her that he does not with you is i think denial at play.
if you think he really loves you and isn't interested in a future with her, why not confront him with this? there is nothing to lose since you want to stay and the marriage and according to your understanding, so does he.
Thank you Jeane. I am trying to digest and find the best way to bring it up to him. I don't want to lose our marriage and yes to me his actions says he doesnt want to lose our marriage either.click to expand
i guess the easiest way is to say you know what has been going on but you want to stay in the marriage, believes he does too and give him the option to break up with this other woman when he is ready to. if he doesn't feel comfortable ending it with her, would you go to her and end it for him?
as he wants to stay with you that breaking it off with the other woman shouldn't be a problem for him.
Are you ok with keeping a man trapped? I mean I hear you say he doesn’t want to go but why not ask him?
Posted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by Lunamara
I mean you lied through this whole outing as well . Acting like everything is normal. See how easy it is?
This is true but I do see it differently. I am fighting for my family while in my head of trying to process why he has a woman in his text messages like he does. I will be honest and say I think this is temporary and she will disappear. As we have years under our belt. I do not want to lose him, our marriage or our years.click to expand
What about what he wants your afraid to even ask him? Is that love? Are you willing to keep him at all cost even if it will make him miserable? Great he’s not showing u but you can tell yourself that to wipe your hands clean. But all the signs say it when he’s building with another women.Ask him what he wants n work together; otherwise you’ll be living in a house of cards. Sounds your ok with that💁🏻
I mean there is also karma not only for the man n mistress but the wife who knowingy keeps a man that does not want to truly be there. I laugh cuz people think children can’t see that their father is there for the kids n not wife. Kids learn how fucke up things are vs a healthy loving relationship.
I grew up similar parents . I found my mother pathetic, we don’t have a good relationship.
I also saw how young she was, dependant n low self esteem she had so I’ve grown to forgive her.
What I learned from this is marriage traps people n some manipulate it in their favor without caring what the other person wants. So when my ex wanted out , suspected another women I gracefully walked away , I wasn’t going to make him feel sorry for me, beg him to stay, make things hard for him. If he want me hed chose me. Looking back i am proud I walked away gracefully even from the love of my life( not him.)
I fared well n after divorce met the person I truly loved. So divorces are not all that bad I’ve rebuilt anew my way
I grew up similar parents . I found my mother pathetic, we don’t have a good relationship.
I also saw how young she was, dependant n low self esteem she had so I’ve grown to forgive her.
What I learned from this is marriage traps people n some manipulate it in their favor without caring what the other person wants. So when my ex wanted out , suspected another women I gracefully walked away , I wasn’t going to make him feel sorry for me, beg him to stay, make things hard for him. If he want me hed chose me. Looking back i am proud I walked away gracefully even from the love of my life( not him.)
I fared well n after divorce met the person I truly loved. So divorces are not all that bad I’ve rebuilt anew my way
That is why I say go to therapist the other person counts too.
If you want to stay with your husband, start making time for him again and squeezing her out.
Planning dates, having sex with him( look up some new stuff to try).
He shouldn't ask too many questions, because then he would have to admit to the affair. But see where that gets you. He has had years of free time, enough to have too much access to this other girl. Tighten the leash on his ass lol
All the things she is doing that you've been slacking on. You have been with him a long time. You know what his needs are.
Planning dates, having sex with him( look up some new stuff to try).
He shouldn't ask too many questions, because then he would have to admit to the affair. But see where that gets you. He has had years of free time, enough to have too much access to this other girl. Tighten the leash on his ass lol
All the things she is doing that you've been slacking on. You have been with him a long time. You know what his needs are.
Posted by Lunamara
That is why I say go to therapist the other person counts too.
Her husband is a lying piece of shit. How does he count? Why should she ask him what he wants? Why does he deserve honesty? She should put herself and her children gojng forward.
Posted by bkbella86Posted by Lunamara
That is why I say go to therapist the other person counts too.
Her husband is a lying piece of shit. How does he count? Why should she ask him what he wants? Why does he deserve honesty? She should put herself and her children gojng forward.click to expand
Because there are two sides of the story n if he married out of duty because she got pregnant. Women do this to men a lot. So I can’t 100 blame when she knew even then he was doing it for baby. The fact she brought it up is she knew even back then he wasn’t 100 percent
So who is at fault there accepting it back then
Posted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by pisceanloves
1. You found out he has been having full blown up relationship with someone else for 3 years and counting..
2. You read messages and you know he is involved emotionally with another..
3. He told you he has checked out from your relationship long ago..
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
Honestly how—
I'm so sorry but I agree to your cousin completely.
Thank you pisceanloves. To respond to each number:
1/2. Yes, I have but I have this hope and notion, that she will eventually fall off. My philosophy I guess, if he didn't love me, he would of left. This may sound crazy but it is what I have believe. He has never pulled the trigger on our marriage.
3. He did tell me that years ago, but that was also in an argument. In arguments so many things are said, I have called him harsh things in the heat of the moment and never thought about leaving our marriage.
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
I guess because I look at our years together as a unit, as a couple. We have built a family. We have been together since high school. We have so many friends and family that look up to us. years vs 3 years is nothing I see him leaving his family for. I am trying to process all of my thoughts and the sting of what I read but I think I said this before, it was like I was reading a book because my husband shows up. He has not indicated he doesn't love me. He even bought me a new ring when the pandemic started. That in itself to me, says he loves me and our marriage. I do not approve of this but I do think 3 years is something temporary over something we have known since high school.click to expand
That's not something I'd settle for to be honest but this is your life..
You are way too positive about the whole thing. People change throughout the years and outgrow each other, if that wasn't the case he wouldn't go elsewhere. You are walking on a thin ice that may break anytime, please don't say we didn't warn you.. All the best to you but I don't think you are in love with him either, seems like more business kind of partnership than love. You sound way too cool about the situation..
Posted by LunamaraPosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by Lunamara
I mean you lied through this whole outing as well . Acting like everything is normal. See how easy it is?
This is true but I do see it differently. I am fighting for my family while in my head of trying to process why he has a woman in his text messages like he does. I will be honest and say I think this is temporary and she will disappear. As we have years under our belt. I do not want to lose him, our marriage or our years.
What about what he wants your afraid to even ask him? Is that love? Are you willing to keep him at all cost even if it will make him miserable? Great he’s not showing u but you can tell yourself that to wipe your hands clean. But all the signs say it when he’s building with another women.Ask him what he wants n work together; otherwise you’ll be living in a house of cards. Sounds your ok with that💁🏻click to expand
Thank you Lunamara. I do not want to live in a house of cards, I don't. But I also don't think he would stay somewhere where he didnt want to be if that makes sense. How miserable can one be if they are still deciding to stay? I hope this makes sense and doesnt sound crazy.
Posted by Misscappy
Idk why i keep going back to this thread. But your thread really triggered my childhood wound 😅 it's like revisiting that memory again 😅 i feel like punching somebody right now
My mom is a gemini too. The greatest parent on earth. Unfortunately, shes a bit delusional when it comes to my narc dad. He's a scorpio.
Her story is similar to yours, except it was I who found out everything from the age of 8. I saw everything with my own eyes. Literally everything. And kept it hidden until i was 13.
How he did things was very similar. How family appearances means everything to him, how he would shower mom with tons of gifts. Everybody from the outside would think we're the happiest family 🤣🤮. And mom, because dad kept up with these appearances, blindly believed in it.
What you do with your life is up to you. But there will be a time when you're alone with yourself, away from distractions.. and you get to see ur life for yourself.. are you happy?
Im not onboard with people who thinks parents shouldnt get divorced because of the children. In my story, it took a lot of toll on me as a child. And even now as an adult, i just dont trust men.
Start to think for yourself and your children
Thank you misscappy. I apologize if this brought up old wounds. That is alot for a child to bear and hold on to. That was a huge secret. I am sorry you had to go through that.
Its crazy because when I look at my life, I do not remember a time that he was not in it. We have known each other for a very long time, we were adolescents going through puberty. I got pregnant in my teens and it has been us, just us. Him, just him, other than pesky boyfriends that happened during our break in high school but we still remained close. There has not been a time where it hasn't been us in my adult life. I only know him in our adult life. And its something that I feel I shouldnt give up especially if he is deciding to stay. he is deciding to stay for a reason, and that has to be love. I am not holding a knife to his neck, or making him stay. I am doing as I always have.
I am so sorry you went through that as a child, I feel that is alot to know even as an adult. I have been struggling since I found out everything.
Posted by Lunamara
I mean there is also karma not only for the man n mistress but the wife who knowingy keeps a man that does not want to truly be there. I laugh cuz people think children can’t see that their father is there for the kids n not wife. Kids learn how fucke up things are vs a healthy loving relationship.
I grew up similar parents . I found my mother pathetic, we don’t have a good relationship.
I also saw how young she was, dependant n low self esteem she had so I’ve grown to forgive her.
What I learned from this is marriage traps people n some manipulate it in their favor without caring what the other person wants. So when my ex wanted out , suspected another women I gracefully walked away , I wasn’t going to make him feel sorry for me, beg him to stay, make things hard for him. If he want me hed chose me. Looking back i am proud I walked away gracefully even from the love of my life( not him.)
I fared well n after divorce met the person I truly loved. So divorces are not all that bad I’ve rebuilt anew my way
Thank you Lunamara. I am reading everything you are saying and taking it all in. You say knowingly keeps a man that does not want to truly be there. This is something I dont understand, because if he did not want to be there, he wouldn't be there right? I am not making him stay, I dont threaten him every night and say "you have to stay or I will do this to you"' Our marriage is something he chooses to stay in. I didn't make him buy me a new ring, he decided to do that. He decides to sleep in our bed every night. He decides to take photos with me. He decides to say I love you when he says I love you. I dont make him do anything, there is no gun to his head. So how is it that we know my husband is someone that doesnt want to be where he is when he is consistently staying and there?
You said your ex wanted out. My husband has not said anything about leaving. I am happy that you found the love of your life. I do think love is a beautiful thing and I am trying to perserve ours. I am hurting deeply. I cant focus sometimes, but I am trying to fight in my head and process everything.
Posted by pisceanlovesPosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by pisceanloves
1. You found out he has been having full blown up relationship with someone else for 3 years and counting..
2. You read messages and you know he is involved emotionally with another..
3. He told you he has checked out from your relationship long ago..
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
Honestly how—
I'm so sorry but I agree to your cousin completely.
Thank you pisceanloves. To respond to each number:
1/2. Yes, I have but I have this hope and notion, that she will eventually fall off. My philosophy I guess, if he didn't love me, he would of left. This may sound crazy but it is what I have believe. He has never pulled the trigger on our marriage.
3. He did tell me that years ago, but that was also in an argument. In arguments so many things are said, I have called him harsh things in the heat of the moment and never thought about leaving our marriage.
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
I guess because I look at our years together as a unit, as a couple. We have built a family. We have been together since high school. We have so many friends and family that look up to us. years vs 3 years is nothing I see him leaving his family for. I am trying to process all of my thoughts and the sting of what I read but I think I said this before, it was like I was reading a book because my husband shows up. He has not indicated he doesn't love me. He even bought me a new ring when the pandemic started. That in itself to me, says he loves me and our marriage. I do not approve of this but I do think 3 years is something temporary over something we have known since high school.
That's not something I'd settle for to be honest but this is your life..
You are way too positive about the whole thing. People change throughout the years and outgrow each other, if that wasn't the case he wouldn't go elsewhere. You are walking on a thin ice that may break anytime, please don't say we didn't warn you.. All the best to you but I don't think you are in love with him either, seems like more business kind of partnership than love. You sound way too cool about the situation..click to expand
I wanted to post what I posted earlier.
It is not that I am not upset. I'm pissed and I am hurt. I have cursed and screamed and felt sorry for myself. I have sat and looked at the wall for hours not understanding anything that I have read. Going between the actions of how he is in our marriage and everything that I have read. My cousin had me make a list of the things that I see in our marriage that never drew any flags up for me and I will list them here too.
1. He hasn't left physically or made me think he doesn't love me. He says it.
2. He makes it a priority to still take us out as a family and do things as a family. He doesn't exclude me in these things, if anything he makes sure, I am on board and we discuss what exactly we are doing and how we are doing it.
3. Friends, and other marital couples-our friends have couples nights, etc, and he attends with a smile on his face and actively present. If I bring up an event, he asks what time and the particulars, and we attend as a couple-no hesitation.
4. Extended family events-again, he shows up happily. He doesnt make any excuses to stay at home, he is right along side me and the kids.
5. Our children events-we tackle those together. again he never makes excuses or asks me to sit out. We do those together.
6. He bought me a new marital ring when before the pandemic happened for valentines day. To me, that shows a commitment to our marriage and me. I did not ask for this new ring.
7. Social media-he doesn't hide me. He post for all holidays, and special occasions. He addresses me as his wife. There is no hiding from our world, our family, our friends. If he was on his way out, I feel that these would be non existent.
8. He still comes home every night-he comes home every night and he has not made any indication that he wants to not be at home. Again, active with our children, etc
9. We don't argue. we have a disagreement here or there but we do not argue. There are no bad days. We get along great.
10. He is still here. He has not left in any capacity.
I absolutely do love him. He again is all ive known in my adult life. From a high school relationship to adult. We have had many roads together.
Posted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by pisceanlovesPosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by pisceanloves
1. You found out he has been having full blown up relationship with someone else for 3 years and counting..
2. You read messages and you know he is involved emotionally with another..
3. He told you he has checked out from your relationship long ago..
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
Honestly how—
I'm so sorry but I agree to your cousin completely.
Thank you pisceanloves. To respond to each number:
1/2. Yes, I have but I have this hope and notion, that she will eventually fall off. My philosophy I guess, if he didn't love me, he would of left. This may sound crazy but it is what I have believe. He has never pulled the trigger on our marriage.
3. He did tell me that years ago, but that was also in an argument. In arguments so many things are said, I have called him harsh things in the heat of the moment and never thought about leaving our marriage.
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
I guess because I look at our years together as a unit, as a couple. We have built a family. We have been together since high school. We have so many friends and family that look up to us. years vs 3 years is nothing I see him leaving his family for. I am trying to process all of my thoughts and the sting of what I read but I think I said this before, it was like I was reading a book because my husband shows up. He has not indicated he doesn't love me. He even bought me a new ring when the pandemic started. That in itself to me, says he loves me and our marriage. I do not approve of this but I do think 3 years is something temporary over something we have known since high school.
That's not something I'd settle for to be honest but this is your life..
You are way too positive about the whole thing. People change throughout the years and outgrow each other, if that wasn't the case he wouldn't go elsewhere. You are walking on a thin ice that may break anytime, please don't say we didn't warn you.. All the best to you but I don't think you are in love with him either, seems like more business kind of partnership than love. You sound way too cool about the situation..
I wanted to post what I posted earlier.
It is not that I am not upset. I'm pissed and I am hurt. I have cursed and screamed and felt sorry for myself. I have sat and looked at the wall for hours not understanding anything that I have read. Going between the actions of how he is in our marriage and everything that I have read. My cousin had me make a list of the things that I see in our marriage that never drew any flags up for me and I will list them here too.
1. He hasn't left physically or made me think he doesn't love me. He says it.
2. He makes it a priority to still take us out as a family and do things as a family. He doesn't exclude me in these things, if anything he makes sure, I am on board and we discuss what exactly we are doing and how we are doing it.
3. Friends, and other marital couples-our friends have couples nights, etc, and he attends with a smile on his face and actively present. If I bring up an event, he asks what time and the particulars, and we attend as a couple-no hesitation.
4. Extended family events-again, he shows up happily. He doesnt make any excuses to stay at home, he is right along side me and the kids.
5. Our children events-we tackle those together. again he never makes excuses or asks me to sit out. We do those together.
6. He bought me a new marital ring when before the pandemic happened for valentines day. To me, that shows a commitment to our marriage and me. I did not ask for this new ring.
7. Social media-he doesn't hide me. He post for all holidays, and special occasions. He addresses me as his wife. There is no hiding from our world, our family, our friends. If he was on his way out, I feel that these would be non existent.
8. He still comes home every night-he comes home every night and he has not made any indication that he wants to not be at home. Again, active with our children, etc
9. We don't argue. we have a disagreement here or there but we do not argue. There are no bad days. We get along great.
10. He is still here. He has not left in any capacity.
I absolutely do love him. He again is all ive known in my adult life. From a high school relationship to adult. We have had many roads together.click to expand
"He has not left in any capacity."
not true. part of him left three years ago when he turned to her instead of you. this part you no longer have.
Posted by jeanePosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by pisceanlovesPosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by pisceanloves
1. You found out he has been having full blown up relationship with someone else for 3 years and counting..
2. You read messages and you know he is involved emotionally with another..
3. He told you he has checked out from your relationship long ago..
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
Honestly how—
I'm so sorry but I agree to your cousin completely.
Thank you pisceanloves. To respond to each number:
1/2. Yes, I have but I have this hope and notion, that she will eventually fall off. My philosophy I guess, if he didn't love me, he would of left. This may sound crazy but it is what I have believe. He has never pulled the trigger on our marriage.
3. He did tell me that years ago, but that was also in an argument. In arguments so many things are said, I have called him harsh things in the heat of the moment and never thought about leaving our marriage.
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
I guess because I look at our years together as a unit, as a couple. We have built a family. We have been together since high school. We have so many friends and family that look up to us. years vs 3 years is nothing I see him leaving his family for. I am trying to process all of my thoughts and the sting of what I read but I think I said this before, it was like I was reading a book because my husband shows up. He has not indicated he doesn't love me. He even bought me a new ring when the pandemic started. That in itself to me, says he loves me and our marriage. I do not approve of this but I do think 3 years is something temporary over something we have known since high school.
That's not something I'd settle for to be honest but this is your life..
You are way too positive about the whole thing. People change throughout the years and outgrow each other, if that wasn't the case he wouldn't go elsewhere. You are walking on a thin ice that may break anytime, please don't say we didn't warn you.. All the best to you but I don't think you are in love with him either, seems like more business kind of partnership than love. You sound way too cool about the situation..
I wanted to post what I posted earlier.
It is not that I am not upset. I'm pissed and I am hurt. I have cursed and screamed and felt sorry for myself. I have sat and looked at the wall for hours not understanding anything that I have read. Going between the actions of how he is in our marriage and everything that I have read. My cousin had me make a list of the things that I see in our marriage that never drew any flags up for me and I will list them here too.
1. He hasn't left physically or made me think he doesn't love me. He says it.
2. He makes it a priority to still take us out as a family and do things as a family. He doesn't exclude me in these things, if anything he makes sure, I am on board and we discuss what exactly we are doing and how we are doing it.
3. Friends, and other marital couples-our friends have couples nights, etc, and he attends with a smile on his face and actively present. If I bring up an event, he asks what time and the particulars, and we attend as a couple-no hesitation.
4. Extended family events-again, he shows up happily. He doesnt make any excuses to stay at home, he is right along side me and the kids.
5. Our children events-we tackle those together. again he never makes excuses or asks me to sit out. We do those together.
6. He bought me a new marital ring when before the pandemic happened for valentines day. To me, that shows a commitment to our marriage and me. I did not ask for this new ring.
7. Social media-he doesn't hide me. He post for all holidays, and special occasions. He addresses me as his wife. There is no hiding from our world, our family, our friends. If he was on his way out, I feel that these would be non existent.
8. He still comes home every night-he comes home every night and he has not made any indication that he wants to not be at home. Again, active with our children, etc
9. We don't argue. we have a disagreement here or there but we do not argue. There are no bad days. We get along great.
10. He is still here. He has not left in any capacity.
I absolutely do love him. He again is all ive known in my adult life. From a high school relationship to adult. We have had many roads together.
"He has not left in any capacity."
not true. part of him left three years ago when he turned to her instead of you. this part you no longer have.click to expand
Thank you Jeane. I am speaking from a place of what is known and shown I suppose. If I wouldn't of saw that text message flash across the screen and kept reading, I wouldn't have known about this.
You say a part of him left 3 years ago when turned to her instead of you. He is still married to me, and hasn't decided to leave so what I mean when I say he hasn't left in any capacity, I mean, he is choosing to stay and still here. This morning as we were doing our daily morning routine, I was sad and I guess he saw this on my face, he came and gave me a kiss on the cheek and went into his office to work. I didn't ask him to do that. To me, he is still trying to maintain our marriage, I guess is why I am wondering if this woman is serious, he is still functioning as my husband. If someone wants to leave a relationship, don't they usually just leave?
Posted by cakePosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by jeanePosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by pisceanlovesPosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by pisceanloves
1. You found out he has been having full blown up relationship with someone else for 3 years and counting..
2. You read messages and you know he is involved emotionally with another..
3. He told you he has checked out from your relationship long ago..
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
Honestly how—
I'm so sorry but I agree to your cousin completely.
Thank you pisceanloves. To respond to each number:
1/2. Yes, I have but I have this hope and notion, that she will eventually fall off. My philosophy I guess, if he didn't love me, he would of left. This may sound crazy but it is what I have believe. He has never pulled the trigger on our marriage.
3. He did tell me that years ago, but that was also in an argument. In arguments so many things are said, I have called him harsh things in the heat of the moment and never thought about leaving our marriage.
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
I guess because I look at our years together as a unit, as a couple. We have built a family. We have been together since high school. We have so many friends and family that look up to us. years vs 3 years is nothing I see him leaving his family for. I am trying to process all of my thoughts and the sting of what I read but I think I said this before, it was like I was reading a book because my husband shows up. He has not indicated he doesn't love me. He even bought me a new ring when the pandemic started. That in itself to me, says he loves me and our marriage. I do not approve of this but I do think 3 years is something temporary over something we have known since high school.
That's not something I'd settle for to be honest but this is your life..
You are way too positive about the whole thing. People change throughout the years and outgrow each other, if that wasn't the case he wouldn't go elsewhere. You are walking on a thin ice that may break anytime, please don't say we didn't warn you.. All the best to you but I don't think you are in love with him either, seems like more business kind of partnership than love. You sound way too cool about the situation..
I wanted to post what I posted earlier.
It is not that I am not upset. I'm pissed and I am hurt. I have cursed and screamed and felt sorry for myself. I have sat and looked at the wall for hours not understanding anything that I have read. Going between the actions of how he is in our marriage and everything that I have read. My cousin had me make a list of the things that I see in our marriage that never drew any flags up for me and I will list them here too.
1. He hasn't left physically or made me think he doesn't love me. He says it.
2. He makes it a priority to still take us out as a family and do things as a family. He doesn't exclude me in these things, if anything he makes sure, I am on board and we discuss what exactly we are doing and how we are doing it.
3. Friends, and other marital couples-our friends have couples nights, etc, and he attends with a smile on his face and actively present. If I bring up an event, he asks what time and the particulars, and we attend as a couple-no hesitation.
4. Extended family events-again, he shows up happily. He doesnt make any excuses to stay at home, he is right along side me and the kids.
5. Our children events-we tackle those together. again he never makes excuses or asks me to sit out. We do those together.
6. He bought me a new marital ring when before the pandemic happened for valentines day. To me, that shows a commitment to our marriage and me. I did not ask for this new ring.
7. Social media-he doesn't hide me. He post for all holidays, and special occasions. He addresses me as his wife. There is no hiding from our world, our family, our friends. If he was on his way out, I feel that these would be non existent.
8. He still comes home every night-he comes home every night and he has not made any indication that he wants to not be at home. Again, active with our children, etc
9. We don't argue. we have a disagreement here or there but we do not argue. There are no bad days. We get along great.
10. He is still here. He has not left in any capacity.
I absolutely do love him. He again is all ive known in my adult life. From a high school relationship to adult. We have had many roads together.
"He has not left in any capacity."
not true. part of him left three years ago when he turned to her instead of you. this part you no longer have.
Thank you Jeane. I am speaking from a place of what is known and shown I suppose. If I wouldn't of saw that text message flash across the screen and kept reading, I wouldn't have known about this.
You say a part of him left 3 years ago when turned to her instead of you. He is still married to me, and hasn't decided to leave so what I mean when I say he hasn't left in any capacity, I mean, he is choosing to stay and still here. This morning as we were doing our daily morning routine, I was sad and I guess he saw this on my face, he came and gave me a kiss on the cheek and went into his office to work. I didn't ask him to do that. To me, he is still trying to maintain our marriage, I guess is why I am wondering if this woman is serious, he is still functioning as my husband. If someone wants to leave a relationship, don't they usually just leave?
No because he knows what he has to lose.
He's getting comfort from both sides, why would he want to lose any of that?click to expand
Thank you cake. I guess this kind of then makes me say, my family is shouting how he doesn't want to be with me and advisers from this site which I appreciate. So if he knows what he has to lose with me, that is an indication that he does still love our marriage, I guess this is what I was trying to make sense of. He wants me and our marriage,
Posted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by jeanePosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by pisceanlovesPosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by pisceanloves
1. You found out he has been having full blown up relationship with someone else for 3 years and counting..
2. You read messages and you know he is involved emotionally with another..
3. He told you he has checked out from your relationship long ago..
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
Honestly how—
I'm so sorry but I agree to your cousin completely.
Thank you pisceanloves. To respond to each number:
1/2. Yes, I have but I have this hope and notion, that she will eventually fall off. My philosophy I guess, if he didn't love me, he would of left. This may sound crazy but it is what I have believe. He has never pulled the trigger on our marriage.
3. He did tell me that years ago, but that was also in an argument. In arguments so many things are said, I have called him harsh things in the heat of the moment and never thought about leaving our marriage.
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
I guess because I look at our years together as a unit, as a couple. We have built a family. We have been together since high school. We have so many friends and family that look up to us. years vs 3 years is nothing I see him leaving his family for. I am trying to process all of my thoughts and the sting of what I read but I think I said this before, it was like I was reading a book because my husband shows up. He has not indicated he doesn't love me. He even bought me a new ring when the pandemic started. That in itself to me, says he loves me and our marriage. I do not approve of this but I do think 3 years is something temporary over something we have known since high school.
That's not something I'd settle for to be honest but this is your life..
You are way too positive about the whole thing. People change throughout the years and outgrow each other, if that wasn't the case he wouldn't go elsewhere. You are walking on a thin ice that may break anytime, please don't say we didn't warn you.. All the best to you but I don't think you are in love with him either, seems like more business kind of partnership than love. You sound way too cool about the situation..
I wanted to post what I posted earlier.
It is not that I am not upset. I'm pissed and I am hurt. I have cursed and screamed and felt sorry for myself. I have sat and looked at the wall for hours not understanding anything that I have read. Going between the actions of how he is in our marriage and everything that I have read. My cousin had me make a list of the things that I see in our marriage that never drew any flags up for me and I will list them here too.
1. He hasn't left physically or made me think he doesn't love me. He says it.
2. He makes it a priority to still take us out as a family and do things as a family. He doesn't exclude me in these things, if anything he makes sure, I am on board and we discuss what exactly we are doing and how we are doing it.
3. Friends, and other marital couples-our friends have couples nights, etc, and he attends with a smile on his face and actively present. If I bring up an event, he asks what time and the particulars, and we attend as a couple-no hesitation.
4. Extended family events-again, he shows up happily. He doesnt make any excuses to stay at home, he is right along side me and the kids.
5. Our children events-we tackle those together. again he never makes excuses or asks me to sit out. We do those together.
6. He bought me a new marital ring when before the pandemic happened for valentines day. To me, that shows a commitment to our marriage and me. I did not ask for this new ring.
7. Social media-he doesn't hide me. He post for all holidays, and special occasions. He addresses me as his wife. There is no hiding from our world, our family, our friends. If he was on his way out, I feel that these would be non existent.
8. He still comes home every night-he comes home every night and he has not made any indication that he wants to not be at home. Again, active with our children, etc
9. We don't argue. we have a disagreement here or there but we do not argue. There are no bad days. We get along great.
10. He is still here. He has not left in any capacity.
I absolutely do love him. He again is all ive known in my adult life. From a high school relationship to adult. We have had many roads together.
"He has not left in any capacity."
not true. part of him left three years ago when he turned to her instead of you. this part you no longer have.
Thank you Jeane. I am speaking from a place of what is known and shown I suppose. If I wouldn't of saw that text message flash across the screen and kept reading, I wouldn't have known about this.
You say a part of him left 3 years ago when turned to her instead of you. He is still married to me, and hasn't decided to leave so what I mean when I say he hasn't left in any capacity, I mean, he is choosing to stay and still here. This morning as we were doing our daily morning routine, I was sad and I guess he saw this on my face, he came and gave me a kiss on the cheek and went into his office to work. I didn't ask him to do that. To me, he is still trying to maintain our marriage, I guess is why I am wondering if this woman is serious, he is still functioning as my husband. If someone wants to leave a relationship, don't they usually just leave?click to expand
physically he is with you...except when he is with her.
so do you think he would speak to her for years, make plans with her, seek comfort and advice from her but she is not serious? meaning he would do that with anyone?
you don't have his thoughts
you don't have his honesty
you don't have his secrets
you don't have his sex
you don't have his vulnerability
you have his outward expression
you have his mask
you have his obligation
you have his financial support
you have his care
do you have his love?
do you have him?
Its the psychology 101 of being conned. When you are confronted with the truth and facts to show you that it is in fact a con, fake, not real, you double down because to admit you were mislead is too painful.
I have 2 friends that were married one for 14 years with 2 children and the other 23 with 3 children. Both husbands were cheating but staying for the kids. They managed to live double lives and probably would have still been in those lives until the children had left home, if it weren’t for the wives confronting them.
Some men will stay until they feel there will be less impact on their relationships with their children. I personally stayed another 8 years with my husband in hopes that the children would cope better.
It looks like, you’ll stay until the decision is made for you. I hope you are smart enough, knowing you won’t be able to cope financially to at least open another bank account and start saving for that time. He probably won’t leave you without some support by the sounds of things however you can’t take that risk that things won’t turn ugly... there is a third party involved which can influence decisions. She’s in this to win.
Some men will stay until they feel there will be less impact on their relationships with their children. I personally stayed another 8 years with my husband in hopes that the children would cope better.
It looks like, you’ll stay until the decision is made for you. I hope you are smart enough, knowing you won’t be able to cope financially to at least open another bank account and start saving for that time. He probably won’t leave you without some support by the sounds of things however you can’t take that risk that things won’t turn ugly... there is a third party involved which can influence decisions. She’s in this to win.
Posted by cakePosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by cakePosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by jeanePosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by pisceanlovesPosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by pisceanloves
1. You found out he has been having full blown up relationship with someone else for 3 years and counting..
2. You read messages and you know he is involved emotionally with another..
3. He told you he has checked out from your relationship long ago..
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
Honestly how—
I'm so sorry but I agree to your cousin completely.
Thank you pisceanloves. To respond to each number:
1/2. Yes, I have but I have this hope and notion, that she will eventually fall off. My philosophy I guess, if he didn't love me, he would of left. This may sound crazy but it is what I have believe. He has never pulled the trigger on our marriage.
3. He did tell me that years ago, but that was also in an argument. In arguments so many things are said, I have called him harsh things in the heat of the moment and never thought about leaving our marriage.
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
I guess because I look at our years together as a unit, as a couple. We have built a family. We have been together since high school. We have so many friends and family that look up to us. years vs 3 years is nothing I see him leaving his family for. I am trying to process all of my thoughts and the sting of what I read but I think I said this before, it was like I was reading a book because my husband shows up. He has not indicated he doesn't love me. He even bought me a new ring when the pandemic started. That in itself to me, says he loves me and our marriage. I do not approve of this but I do think 3 years is something temporary over something we have known since high school.
That's not something I'd settle for to be honest but this is your life..
You are way too positive about the whole thing. People change throughout the years and outgrow each other, if that wasn't the case he wouldn't go elsewhere. You are walking on a thin ice that may break anytime, please don't say we didn't warn you.. All the best to you but I don't think you are in love with him either, seems like more business kind of partnership than love. You sound way too cool about the situation..
I wanted to post what I posted earlier.
It is not that I am not upset. I'm pissed and I am hurt. I have cursed and screamed and felt sorry for myself. I have sat and looked at the wall for hours not understanding anything that I have read. Going between the actions of how he is in our marriage and everything that I have read. My cousin had me make a list of the things that I see in our marriage that never drew any flags up for me and I will list them here too.
1. He hasn't left physically or made me think he doesn't love me. He says it.
2. He makes it a priority to still take us out as a family and do things as a family. He doesn't exclude me in these things, if anything he makes sure, I am on board and we discuss what exactly we are doing and how we are doing it.
3. Friends, and other marital couples-our friends have couples nights, etc, and he attends with a smile on his face and actively present. If I bring up an event, he asks what time and the particulars, and we attend as a couple-no hesitation.
4. Extended family events-again, he shows up happily. He doesnt make any excuses to stay at home, he is right along side me and the kids.
5. Our children events-we tackle those together. again he never makes excuses or asks me to sit out. We do those together.
6. He bought me a new marital ring when before the pandemic happened for valentines day. To me, that shows a commitment to our marriage and me. I did not ask for this new ring.
7. Social media-he doesn't hide me. He post for all holidays, and special occasions. He addresses me as his wife. There is no hiding from our world, our family, our friends. If he was on his way out, I feel that these would be non existent.
8. He still comes home every night-he comes home every night and he has not made any indication that he wants to not be at home. Again, active with our children, etc
9. We don't argue. we have a disagreement here or there but we do not argue. There are no bad days. We get along great.
10. He is still here. He has not left in any capacity.
I absolutely do love him. He again is all ive known in my adult life. From a high school relationship to adult. We have had many roads together.
"He has not left in any capacity."
not true. part of him left three years ago when he turned to her instead of you. this part you no longer have.
Thank you Jeane. I am speaking from a place of what is known and shown I suppose. If I wouldn't of saw that text message flash across the screen and kept reading, I wouldn't have known about this.
You say a part of him left 3 years ago when turned to her instead of you. He is still married to me, and hasn't decided to leave so what I mean when I say he hasn't left in any capacity, I mean, he is choosing to stay and still here. This morning as we were doing our daily morning routine, I was sad and I guess he saw this on my face, he came and gave me a kiss on the cheek and went into his office to work. I didn't ask him to do that. To me, he is still trying to maintain our marriage, I guess is why I am wondering if this woman is serious, he is still functioning as my husband. If someone wants to leave a relationship, don't they usually just leave?
No because he knows what he has to lose.
He's getting comfort from both sides, why would he want to lose any of that?
Thank you cake. I guess this kind of then makes me say, my family is shouting how he doesn't want to be with me and advisers from this site which I appreciate. So if he knows what he has to lose with me, that is an indication that he does still love our marriage, I guess this is what I was trying to make sense of. He wants me and our marriage,
Comfort and love can be two different things but you know, it's your life and family. You make the decision you see best fit for your situation.click to expand
Thank you cake. I honestly have never looked at the two and the differences comfort vs. love. Thank you again
Posted by Plague
I'm sorry but he doesn't want you and your marriage. He's stuck in familiarity. If he truly loved you he wouldn't spend years cultivating a new life behind your back. You don't do that shit to people you love. You do that to people you don't really care about but keep around for convenience of it being familiar and comfortable.
Save yourself don't drown.
My POS Taurus father was like this. A whore of a man.
Thank you Plague.
Posted by blackphvse
It pains me to see you going through this. Please just remember that physically being there is not the same as being there emotionally. When you are married to someone and sharing your life with them, they should be there emotionally as well. And while you are sharing your life with him, he is partly sharing his life with another.. so even though he is physically there and physically not leaving the marriage, he took his emotions and gave them to someone else. You're not getting what you deserve from this partnership my love.
Thank you blackphvse. I am processing this, its really hard to separate thoughts in my head when reading as I thought he was emotionally tied to me.
Thank you again.
Posted by jeanePosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by jeanePosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by pisceanlovesPosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by pisceanloves
1. You found out he has been having full blown up relationship with someone else for 3 years and counting..
2. You read messages and you know he is involved emotionally with another..
3. He told you he has checked out from your relationship long ago..
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
Honestly how—
I'm so sorry but I agree to your cousin completely.
Thank you pisceanloves. To respond to each number:
1/2. Yes, I have but I have this hope and notion, that she will eventually fall off. My philosophy I guess, if he didn't love me, he would of left. This may sound crazy but it is what I have believe. He has never pulled the trigger on our marriage.
3. He did tell me that years ago, but that was also in an argument. In arguments so many things are said, I have called him harsh things in the heat of the moment and never thought about leaving our marriage.
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
I guess because I look at our years together as a unit, as a couple. We have built a family. We have been together since high school. We have so many friends and family that look up to us. years vs 3 years is nothing I see him leaving his family for. I am trying to process all of my thoughts and the sting of what I read but I think I said this before, it was like I was reading a book because my husband shows up. He has not indicated he doesn't love me. He even bought me a new ring when the pandemic started. That in itself to me, says he loves me and our marriage. I do not approve of this but I do think 3 years is something temporary over something we have known since high school.
That's not something I'd settle for to be honest but this is your life..
You are way too positive about the whole thing. People change throughout the years and outgrow each other, if that wasn't the case he wouldn't go elsewhere. You are walking on a thin ice that may break anytime, please don't say we didn't warn you.. All the best to you but I don't think you are in love with him either, seems like more business kind of partnership than love. You sound way too cool about the situation..
I wanted to post what I posted earlier.
It is not that I am not upset. I'm pissed and I am hurt. I have cursed and screamed and felt sorry for myself. I have sat and looked at the wall for hours not understanding anything that I have read. Going between the actions of how he is in our marriage and everything that I have read. My cousin had me make a list of the things that I see in our marriage that never drew any flags up for me and I will list them here too.
1. He hasn't left physically or made me think he doesn't love me. He says it.
2. He makes it a priority to still take us out as a family and do things as a family. He doesn't exclude me in these things, if anything he makes sure, I am on board and we discuss what exactly we are doing and how we are doing it.
3. Friends, and other marital couples-our friends have couples nights, etc, and he attends with a smile on his face and actively present. If I bring up an event, he asks what time and the particulars, and we attend as a couple-no hesitation.
4. Extended family events-again, he shows up happily. He doesnt make any excuses to stay at home, he is right along side me and the kids.
5. Our children events-we tackle those together. again he never makes excuses or asks me to sit out. We do those together.
6. He bought me a new marital ring when before the pandemic happened for valentines day. To me, that shows a commitment to our marriage and me. I did not ask for this new ring.
7. Social media-he doesn't hide me. He post for all holidays, and special occasions. He addresses me as his wife. There is no hiding from our world, our family, our friends. If he was on his way out, I feel that these would be non existent.
8. He still comes home every night-he comes home every night and he has not made any indication that he wants to not be at home. Again, active with our children, etc
9. We don't argue. we have a disagreement here or there but we do not argue. There are no bad days. We get along great.
10. He is still here. He has not left in any capacity.
I absolutely do love him. He again is all ive known in my adult life. From a high school relationship to adult. We have had many roads together.
"He has not left in any capacity."
not true. part of him left three years ago when he turned to her instead of you. this part you no longer have.
Thank you Jeane. I am speaking from a place of what is known and shown I suppose. If I wouldn't of saw that text message flash across the screen and kept reading, I wouldn't have known about this.
You say a part of him left 3 years ago when turned to her instead of you. He is still married to me, and hasn't decided to leave so what I mean when I say he hasn't left in any capacity, I mean, he is choosing to stay and still here. This morning as we were doing our daily morning routine, I was sad and I guess he saw this on my face, he came and gave me a kiss on the cheek and went into his office to work. I didn't ask him to do that. To me, he is still trying to maintain our marriage, I guess is why I am wondering if this woman is serious, he is still functioning as my husband. If someone wants to leave a relationship, don't they usually just leave?
physically he is with you...except when he is with her.
so do you think he would speak to her for years, make plans with her, seek comfort and advice from her but she is not serious? meaning he would do that with anyone?
you don't have his thoughts
you don't have his honesty
you don't have his secrets
you don't have his sex
you don't have his vulnerability
you have his outward expression
you have his mask
you have his obligation
you have his financial support
you have his care
do you have his love?
do you have him?click to expand
Thank you Jeane for breaking this down how you have. Thank you. I do have questions, you said his mask? and aren't we obliged to those that we love? Isn't it a responsibility? We are planning for a getaway trip this weekend to the beach with the kids. The beach is about two hours from where we live so we are going to make a beach weekend thing, most on this board are saying, I shouldn't see too much in that, but I do because these are plans he is making and telling me about.
Posted by thatlibralifePosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by jeanePosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by pisceanlovesPosted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by pisceanloves
1. You found out he has been having full blown up relationship with someone else for 3 years and counting..
2. You read messages and you know he is involved emotionally with another..
3. He told you he has checked out from your relationship long ago..
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
Honestly how—
I'm so sorry but I agree to your cousin completely.
Thank you pisceanloves. To respond to each number:
1/2. Yes, I have but I have this hope and notion, that she will eventually fall off. My philosophy I guess, if he didn't love me, he would of left. This may sound crazy but it is what I have believe. He has never pulled the trigger on our marriage.
3. He did tell me that years ago, but that was also in an argument. In arguments so many things are said, I have called him harsh things in the heat of the moment and never thought about leaving our marriage.
One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??
I guess because I look at our years together as a unit, as a couple. We have built a family. We have been together since high school. We have so many friends and family that look up to us. years vs 3 years is nothing I see him leaving his family for. I am trying to process all of my thoughts and the sting of what I read but I think I said this before, it was like I was reading a book because my husband shows up. He has not indicated he doesn't love me. He even bought me a new ring when the pandemic started. That in itself to me, says he loves me and our marriage. I do not approve of this but I do think 3 years is something temporary over something we have known since high school.
That's not something I'd settle for to be honest but this is your life..
You are way too positive about the whole thing. People change throughout the years and outgrow each other, if that wasn't the case he wouldn't go elsewhere. You are walking on a thin ice that may break anytime, please don't say we didn't warn you.. All the best to you but I don't think you are in love with him either, seems like more business kind of partnership than love. You sound way too cool about the situation..
I wanted to post what I posted earlier.
It is not that I am not upset. I'm pissed and I am hurt. I have cursed and screamed and felt sorry for myself. I have sat and looked at the wall for hours not understanding anything that I have read. Going between the actions of how he is in our marriage and everything that I have read. My cousin had me make a list of the things that I see in our marriage that never drew any flags up for me and I will list them here too.
1. He hasn't left physically or made me think he doesn't love me. He says it.
2. He makes it a priority to still take us out as a family and do things as a family. He doesn't exclude me in these things, if anything he makes sure, I am on board and we discuss what exactly we are doing and how we are doing it.
3. Friends, and other marital couples-our friends have couples nights, etc, and he attends with a smile on his face and actively present. If I bring up an event, he asks what time and the particulars, and we attend as a couple-no hesitation.
4. Extended family events-again, he shows up happily. He doesnt make any excuses to stay at home, he is right along side me and the kids.
5. Our children events-we tackle those together. again he never makes excuses or asks me to sit out. We do those together.
6. He bought me a new marital ring when before the pandemic happened for valentines day. To me, that shows a commitment to our marriage and me. I did not ask for this new ring.
7. Social media-he doesn't hide me. He post for all holidays, and special occasions. He addresses me as his wife. There is no hiding from our world, our family, our friends. If he was on his way out, I feel that these would be non existent.
8. He still comes home every night-he comes home every night and he has not made any indication that he wants to not be at home. Again, active with our children, etc
9. We don't argue. we have a disagreement here or there but we do not argue. There are no bad days. We get along great.
10. He is still here. He has not left in any capacity.
I absolutely do love him. He again is all ive known in my adult life. From a high school relationship to adult. We have had many roads together.
"He has not left in any capacity."
not true. part of him left three years ago when he turned to her instead of you. this part you no longer have.
Thank you Jeane. I am speaking from a place of what is known and shown I suppose. If I wouldn't of saw that text message flash across the screen and kept reading, I wouldn't have known about this.
You say a part of him left 3 years ago when turned to her instead of you. He is still married to me, and hasn't decided to leave so what I mean when I say he hasn't left in any capacity, I mean, he is choosing to stay and still here. This morning as we were doing our daily morning routine, I was sad and I guess he saw this on my face, he came and gave me a kiss on the cheek and went into his office to work. I didn't ask him to do that. To me, he is still trying to maintain our marriage, I guess is why I am wondering if this woman is serious, he is still functioning as my husband. If someone wants to leave a relationship, don't they usually just leave?
Now think about this.
You say he could tell you were sad. Didn’t ask what’s wrong or hey let’s talk I’m worried about you.
Nope just a kiss on the cheek and walks away.
I’m starting to think this guy’s a cold blooded narc. Only concerned about his feelings and how to get HIs needs met.
Why don’t you secretly get some counseling to figure out what you need to do. I think you’re being gaslighted with all his outward appearances of being a good husband when in fact far from it...click to expand
Thank you thatlibralife. Well granted, he was on his way to work. Usually, that is the case, he always addresses my feelings, my husband doesn't like turmoil or any wrinkles in the sheets if you know what I mean. He prefers a stable environment. If I am feeling sad, he will ask why and we will talk about it. Something he did for Valentines Day, I was feeling kind of down because we couldnt go out for Valentines day and he posted a really sweet message on social media which made my day. And of course after I found out about this woman. But he always does address how I am feeling and wants to rectify it.
Posted by sweethearts
I have 2 friends that were married one for 14 years with 2 children and the other 23 with 3 children. Both husbands were cheating but staying for the kids. They managed to live double lives and probably would have still been in those lives until the children had left home, if it weren’t for the wives confronting them.
Some men will stay until they feel there will be less impact on their relationships with their children. I personally stayed another 8 years with my husband in hopes that the children would cope better.
It looks like, you’ll stay until the decision is made for you. I hope you are smart enough, knowing you won’t be able to cope financially to at least open another bank account and start saving for that time. He probably won’t leave you without some support by the sounds of things however you can’t take that risk that things won’t turn ugly... there is a third party involved which can influence decisions. She’s in this to win.
Thank you sweethearts. If I may ask a personal question, sweathearts, you stated you stayed another 8 years with your husband, did you do all of the things that my husband does, takes pictures happily with family and with you two as a couple, still sleep in the same bed, still do family outings, or did he know you were staying for your children and you removed yourself from acting married?
Thank you again.
Posted by geminiwithataurusmanPosted by sweethearts
I have 2 friends that were married one for 14 years with 2 children and the other 23 with 3 children. Both husbands were cheating but staying for the kids. They managed to live double lives and probably would have still been in those lives until the children had left home, if it weren’t for the wives confronting them.
Some men will stay until they feel there will be less impact on their relationships with their children. I personally stayed another 8 years with my husband in hopes that the children would cope better.
It looks like, you’ll stay until the decision is made for you. I hope you are smart enough, knowing you won’t be able to cope financially to at least open another bank account and start saving for that time. He probably won’t leave you without some support by the sounds of things however you can’t take that risk that things won’t turn ugly... there is a third party involved which can influence decisions. She’s in this to win.
Thank you sweethearts. If I may ask a personal question, sweathearts, you stated you stayed another 8 years with your husband, did you do all of the things that my husband does, takes pictures happily with family and with you two as a couple, still sleep in the same bed, still do family outings, or did he know you were staying for your children and you removed yourself from acting married?
Thank you again.click to expand
Everything as normal as possible (sex about once a month, we were married 19 years, family, communication, we had business’s) until the last year which was the bitter end and I couldn’t pretend anymore.
You’ll know when he’s checking out completely. Less fighting in the last year too when there’s nothing left to fight for so nothing bothers you anymore. You just let everything go over your head and want as little conflict as possible. But trust me, it’s all premeditated, waiting for the right time and how you can do it with as little hurt and impact on your partner and children. 8 years prior, I told him I’m not in love with you anymore, I love you like a friend.
Now in hindsight, he might have been able to change that if we got help then but we didn’t and there wasn’t a 3rd party involved. That is your biggest obstacle!
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