My Taurus husband cheating on me (Page 4)

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by pisceanloves

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by pisceanloves

1. You found out he has been having full blown up relationship with someone else for 3 years and counting..

2. You read messages and you know he is involved emotionally with another..

3. He told you he has checked out from your relationship long ago..

One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??

Honestly how—

I'm so sorry but I agree to your cousin completely.

Thank you pisceanloves. To respond to each number:

1/2. Yes, I have but I have this hope and notion, that she will eventually fall off. My philosophy I guess, if he didn't love me, he would of left. This may sound crazy but it is what I have believe. He has never pulled the trigger on our marriage.

3. He did tell me that years ago, but that was also in an argument. In arguments so many things are said, I have called him harsh things in the heat of the moment and never thought about leaving our marriage.

One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??

I guess because I look at our years together as a unit, as a couple. We have built a family. We have been together since high school. We have so many friends and family that look up to us. years vs 3 years is nothing I see him leaving his family for. I am trying to process all of my thoughts and the sting of what I read but I think I said this before, it was like I was reading a book because my husband shows up. He has not indicated he doesn't love me. He even bought me a new ring when the pandemic started. That in itself to me, says he loves me and our marriage. I do not approve of this but I do think 3 years is something temporary over something we have known since high school.

That's not something I'd settle for to be honest but this is your life..

You are way too positive about the whole thing. People change throughout the years and outgrow each other, if that wasn't the case he wouldn't go elsewhere. You are walking on a thin ice that may break anytime, please don't say we didn't warn you.. All the best to you but I don't think you are in love with him either, seems like more business kind of partnership than love. You sound way too cool about the situation..

I wanted to post what I posted earlier.

It is not that I am not upset. I'm pissed and I am hurt. I have cursed and screamed and felt sorry for myself. I have sat and looked at the wall for hours not understanding anything that I have read. Going between the actions of how he is in our marriage and everything that I have read. My cousin had me make a list of the things that I see in our marriage that never drew any flags up for me and I will list them here too.

1. He hasn't left physically or made me think he doesn't love me. He says it.

2. He makes it a priority to still take us out as a family and do things as a family. He doesn't exclude me in these things, if anything he makes sure, I am on board and we discuss what exactly we are doing and how we are doing it.

3. Friends, and other marital couples-our friends have couples nights, etc, and he attends with a smile on his face and actively present. If I bring up an event, he asks what time and the particulars, and we attend as a couple-no hesitation.

4. Extended family events-again, he shows up happily. He doesnt make any excuses to stay at home, he is right along side me and the kids.

5. Our children events-we tackle those together. again he never makes excuses or asks me to sit out. We do those together.

6. He bought me a new marital ring when before the pandemic happened for valentines day. To me, that shows a commitment to our marriage and me. I did not ask for this new ring.

7. Social media-he doesn't hide me. He post for all holidays, and special occasions. He addresses me as his wife. There is no hiding from our world, our family, our friends. If he was on his way out, I feel that these would be non existent.

8. He still comes home every night-he comes home every night and he has not made any indication that he wants to not be at home. Again, active with our children, etc

9. We don't argue. we have a disagreement here or there but we do not argue. There are no bad days. We get along great.

10. He is still here. He has not left in any capacity.

I absolutely do love him. He again is all ive known in my adult life. From a high school relationship to adult. We have had many roads together.

"He has not left in any capacity."

not true. part of him left three years ago when he turned to her instead of you. this part you no longer have.

Thank you Jeane. I am speaking from a place of what is known and shown I suppose. If I wouldn't of saw that text message flash across the screen and kept reading, I wouldn't have known about this.

You say a part of him left 3 years ago when turned to her instead of you. He is still married to me, and hasn't decided to leave so what I mean when I say he hasn't left in any capacity, I mean, he is choosing to stay and still here. This morning as we were doing our daily morning routine, I was sad and I guess he saw this on my face, he came and gave me a kiss on the cheek and went into his office to work. I didn't ask him to do that. To me, he is still trying to maintain our marriage, I guess is why I am wondering if this woman is serious, he is still functioning as my husband. If someone wants to leave a relationship, don't they usually just leave?

physically he is with you...except when he is with her.

so do you think he would speak to her for years, make plans with her, seek comfort and advice from her but she is not serious? meaning he would do that with anyone?

you don't have his thoughts

you don't have his honesty

you don't have his secrets

you don't have his sex

you don't have his vulnerability

you have his outward expression

you have his mask

you have his obligation

you have his financial support

you have his care

do you have his love?

do you have him?

Thank you Jeane for breaking this down how you have. Thank you. I do have questions, you said his mask? and aren't we obliged to those that we love? Isn't it a responsibility? We are planning for a getaway trip this weekend to the beach with the kids. The beach is about two hours from where we live so we are going to make a beach weekend thing, most on this board are saying, I shouldn't see too much in that, but I do because these are plans he is making and telling me about.

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Posted by sweethearts

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by sweethearts

I have 2 friends that were married one for 14 years with 2 children and the other 23 with 3 children. Both husbands were cheating but staying for the kids. They managed to live double lives and probably would have still been in those lives until the children had left home, if it weren’t for the wives confronting them.

Some men will stay until they feel there will be less impact on their relationships with their children. I personally stayed another 8 years with my husband in hopes that the children would cope better.

It looks like, you’ll stay until the decision is made for you. I hope you are smart enough, knowing you won’t be able to cope financially to at least open another bank account and start saving for that time. He probably won’t leave you without some support by the sounds of things however you can’t take that risk that things won’t turn ugly... there is a third party involved which can influence decisions. She’s in this to win.

Thank you sweethearts. If I may ask a personal question, sweathearts, you stated you stayed another 8 years with your husband, did you do all of the things that my husband does, takes pictures happily with family and with you two as a couple, still sleep in the same bed, still do family outings, or did he know you were staying for your children and you removed yourself from acting married?

Thank you again.

Everything as normal as possible (sex about once a month, we were married 19 years, family, communication, we had business’s) until the last year which was the bitter end and I couldn’t pretend anymore.

You’ll know when he’s checking out completely. Less fighting in the last year too when there’s nothing left to fight for so nothing bothers you anymore. You just let everything go over your head and want as little conflict as possible. But trust me, it’s all premeditated, waiting for the right time and how you can do it with as little hurt and impact on your partner and children. 8 years prior, I told him I’m not in love with you anymore, I love you like a friend.

Now in hindsight, he might have been able to change that if we got help then but we didn’t and there wasn’t a 3rd party involved. That is your biggest obstacle!

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Posted by 81gems

Wow what a bastard.

I do not advocate cheating, but I know sometimes shit happens. The love is gone, you know. However, what makes something like this worse is the deceit. Not that it wouldn't have hurt, but he should have just upfront and honest with you from the beginning. If he did indeed "check out" and began to stray, he should have just told you when it started.

If it were me I'd confront him, demand the truth, then castrate him when he wasn't looking. Of course you're not me. Best think to do is file for divorce. Sorry this happened to you.

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by pisceanloves

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by pisceanloves

1. You found out he has been having full blown up relationship with someone else for 3 years and counting..

2. You read messages and you know he is involved emotionally with another..

3. He told you he has checked out from your relationship long ago..

One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??

Honestly how—

I'm so sorry but I agree to your cousin completely.

Thank you pisceanloves. To respond to each number:

1/2. Yes, I have but I have this hope and notion, that she will eventually fall off. My philosophy I guess, if he didn't love me, he would of left. This may sound crazy but it is what I have believe. He has never pulled the trigger on our marriage.

3. He did tell me that years ago, but that was also in an argument. In arguments so many things are said, I have called him harsh things in the heat of the moment and never thought about leaving our marriage.

One question I can't wrap my head around is that how on earth can you convince yourself it's nothing?? How can you believe it's a lie or it will go away and the issue will resolve by itself??

I guess because I look at our years together as a unit, as a couple. We have built a family. We have been together since high school. We have so many friends and family that look up to us. years vs 3 years is nothing I see him leaving his family for. I am trying to process all of my thoughts and the sting of what I read but I think I said this before, it was like I was reading a book because my husband shows up. He has not indicated he doesn't love me. He even bought me a new ring when the pandemic started. That in itself to me, says he loves me and our marriage. I do not approve of this but I do think 3 years is something temporary over something we have known since high school.

That's not something I'd settle for to be honest but this is your life..

You are way too positive about the whole thing. People change throughout the years and outgrow each other, if that wasn't the case he wouldn't go elsewhere. You are walking on a thin ice that may break anytime, please don't say we didn't warn you.. All the best to you but I don't think you are in love with him either, seems like more business kind of partnership than love. You sound way too cool about the situation..

I wanted to post what I posted earlier.

It is not that I am not upset. I'm pissed and I am hurt. I have cursed and screamed and felt sorry for myself. I have sat and looked at the wall for hours not understanding anything that I have read. Going between the actions of how he is in our marriage and everything that I have read. My cousin had me make a list of the things that I see in our marriage that never drew any flags up for me and I will list them here too.

1. He hasn't left physically or made me think he doesn't love me. He says it.

2. He makes it a priority to still take us out as a family and do things as a family. He doesn't exclude me in these things, if anything he makes sure, I am on board and we discuss what exactly we are doing and how we are doing it.

3. Friends, and other marital couples-our friends have couples nights, etc, and he attends with a smile on his face and actively present. If I bring up an event, he asks what time and the particulars, and we attend as a couple-no hesitation.

4. Extended family events-again, he shows up happily. He doesnt make any excuses to stay at home, he is right along side me and the kids.

5. Our children events-we tackle those together. again he never makes excuses or asks me to sit out. We do those together.

6. He bought me a new marital ring when before the pandemic happened for valentines day. To me, that shows a commitment to our marriage and me. I did not ask for this new ring.

7. Social media-he doesn't hide me. He post for all holidays, and special occasions. He addresses me as his wife. There is no hiding from our world, our family, our friends. If he was on his way out, I feel that these would be non existent.

8. He still comes home every night-he comes home every night and he has not made any indication that he wants to not be at home. Again, active with our children, etc

9. We don't argue. we have a disagreement here or there but we do not argue. There are no bad days. We get along great.

10. He is still here. He has not left in any capacity.

I absolutely do love him. He again is all ive known in my adult life. From a high school relationship to adult. We have had many roads together.

"He has not left in any capacity."

not true. part of him left three years ago when he turned to her instead of you. this part you no longer have.

Thank you Jeane. I am speaking from a place of what is known and shown I suppose. If I wouldn't of saw that text message flash across the screen and kept reading, I wouldn't have known about this.

You say a part of him left 3 years ago when turned to her instead of you. He is still married to me, and hasn't decided to leave so what I mean when I say he hasn't left in any capacity, I mean, he is choosing to stay and still here. This morning as we were doing our daily morning routine, I was sad and I guess he saw this on my face, he came and gave me a kiss on the cheek and went into his office to work. I didn't ask him to do that. To me, he is still trying to maintain our marriage, I guess is why I am wondering if this woman is serious, he is still functioning as my husband. If someone wants to leave a relationship, don't they usually just leave?

physically he is with you...except when he is with her.

so do you think he would speak to her for years, make plans with her, seek comfort and advice from her but she is not serious? meaning he would do that with anyone?

you don't have his thoughts

you don't have his honesty

you don't have his secrets

you don't have his sex

you don't have his vulnerability

you have his outward expression

you have his mask

you have his obligation

you have his financial support

you have his care

do you have his love?

do you have him?

Thank you Jeane for breaking this down how you have. Thank you. I do have questions, you said his mask? and aren't we obliged to those that we love? Isn't it a responsibility? We are planning for a getaway trip this weekend to the beach with the kids. The beach is about two hours from where we live so we are going to make a beach weekend thing, most on this board are saying, I shouldn't see too much in that, but I do because these are plans he is making and telling me about.

it's a mask because he shows you what he wants you to see.

i don't rate obligation. i want someone to be with me out of devotion, connection, choice not because they are obliged. obligation does not equal love. responsibility does not equal love. it's equating a social norm with emotions.

i know you see value in those times spent together. for me, i value truth and honesty. every day that goes by he lies to your face about who he is. maybe out of fear. maybe out of self preservation. my partner could be with me 24 hours a day but if he shields his true self from me then in reality, "he" hasn't spent a second with me. only his mask has.

you're lying to him too now. both of you are playing games with each other. showing the other masks. pretending to be someone that you are not. to me that's not how you build a relationship.

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Posted by geminiwithataurusman

As I was mentioning in my previous reply, this weekend was a good one and I almost forgot about everything that I know. Sometimes, I feel like it was as if I was reading a book or looking at a movie that is just for entertainment and not real life. He was very present this weekend, we had a ball, we were all happy and enjoying our moments. Again, so much, I forgot or maybe chose to forget. I honestly feel like he does love his family and doesn't want to let us go. I feel that him staying is him fighting for our marriage, or else he would go on his merry way. I will be re-reading all responses today. Maybe this weekend is clouding my thoughts but my husband was very into our mini getaway.

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

As I was mentioning in my previous reply, this weekend was a good one and I almost forgot about everything that I know. Sometimes, I feel like it was as if I was reading a book or looking at a movie that is just for entertainment and not real life. He was very present this weekend, we had a ball, we were all happy and enjoying our moments. Again, so much, I forgot or maybe chose to forget. I honestly feel like he does love his family and doesn't want to let us go. I feel that him staying is him fighting for our marriage, or else he would go on his merry way. I will be re-reading all responses today. Maybe this weekend is clouding my thoughts but my husband was very into our mini getaway.

did he tell you about his mistress?

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Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Thank you everyone for all of your responses. I still have not said anything and still figuring it out in my head. This past weekend, we did all of the family things. Yesterday, we had a small gathering with family friends a couple and their children, we had a BBQ. Today we all had brunch with another family friend and their children. Again, you wouldn't be able to tell anything, he is present with all of us, takes photos and does it happily. I keep thinking maybe this woman is temporary for him because he is so present with our family.

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by thatlibralife

And to add more clarity to the situation about Taurus men let me give you an example.

My ex husband and I didn’t often get along. He was controlling, bossy and sneaky and we often argued. But because he saw his married friends on Facebook having their wedding vows renewed he brought up that we should too. It was just for show to make people think we were deep in love so he’d look good. Maybe that’s what some of them like to do, keep up appearances... I wouldn’t use that measure as a sign of whether he’s happy with the marriage. The affair is the bell weather...

Thank you thatlibralife. I do have a lot of anger but I also have children that in our presence 90% of the time when we are together. It does take a lot from me not to scream but I do. If I may ask, how long were you two married and did you initiate divorce? My cousin keeps telling me Taurus' don't leave.

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Posted by OnigenZ

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Thank you everyone for all of your responses. I still have not said anything and still figuring it out in my head. This past weekend, we did all of the family things. Yesterday, we had a small gathering with family friends a couple and their children, we had a BBQ. Today we all had brunch with another family friend and their children. Again, you wouldn't be able to tell anything, he is present with all of us, takes photos and does it happily. I keep thinking maybe this woman is temporary for him because he is so present with our family.

It's called putting up a front, dear. Being fake, phony, keeping you off of his trail. Smiling in your face while backstabbing you. He's spending time whenever there are kids and other people around to avoid alone time with you. That way there are no talks, no questions, no getting to the bottom of things. Distractions dear. Not too hard to get your head around at all. Keep up the home front so the affair wont be tracked.

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Posted by ElectroLeo

Always remember don’t fall into the trap.

Posted by OnigenZ

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by thatlibralife

And to add more clarity to the situation about Taurus men let me give you an example.

My ex husband and I didn’t often get along. He was controlling, bossy and sneaky and we often argued. But because he saw his married friends on Facebook having their wedding vows renewed he brought up that we should too. It was just for show to make people think we were deep in love so he’d look good. Maybe that’s what some of them like to do, keep up appearances... I wouldn’t use that measure as a sign of whether he’s happy with the marriage. The affair is the bell weather...

Thank you thatlibralife. I do have a lot of anger but I also have children that in our presence 90% of the time when we are together. It does take a lot from me not to scream but I do. If I may ask, how long were you two married and did you initiate divorce? My cousin keeps telling me Taurus' don't leave.

He'll try to stop you from divorce and leaving, all to keep up appearances of a fake happy family. Taurus is vain, overindulgent, a true hedonistic heathen. The only one a bull is loyal to is himself, his comforts, his image. He wasnt getting all the sex he wanted, how he wanted from you, so yes he and any other bull would cheat because of it. But he uses kids and obligations to hold on to fake family image. Leave already. You know the truth. Make your plan and execute it.

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Posted by ElectroLeo

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by ElectroLeo

Always remember don’t fall into the trap.

Thank you ElectroLeo. What is the trap?

Just don’t get to close, keep your distance. Give it time and the Taurus should start to see his own path his own destiny. Which will allow you to do more things you want to do. As you know they are quite controlling and like to hold onto their possessions.

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Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by OnigenZ

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Thank you everyone for all of your responses. I still have not said anything and still figuring it out in my head. This past weekend, we did all of the family things. Yesterday, we had a small gathering with family friends a couple and their children, we had a BBQ. Today we all had brunch with another family friend and their children. Again, you wouldn't be able to tell anything, he is present with all of us, takes photos and does it happily. I keep thinking maybe this woman is temporary for him because he is so present with our family.

It's called putting up a front, dear. Being fake, phony, keeping you off of his trail. Smiling in your face while backstabbing you. He's spending time whenever there are kids and other people around to avoid alone time with you. That way there are no talks, no questions, no getting to the bottom of things. Distractions dear. Not too hard to get your head around at all. Keep up the home front so the affair wont be tracked.

Thank you OnigenZ. Wouldn't that woman in his text be the front? I am the one that he acknowledges. Thank you.

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Posted by OnigenZ

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by OnigenZ

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Thank you everyone for all of your responses. I still have not said anything and still figuring it out in my head. This past weekend, we did all of the family things. Yesterday, we had a small gathering with family friends a couple and their children, we had a BBQ. Today we all had brunch with another family friend and their children. Again, you wouldn't be able to tell anything, he is present with all of us, takes photos and does it happily. I keep thinking maybe this woman is temporary for him because he is so present with our family.

It's called putting up a front, dear. Being fake, phony, keeping you off of his trail. Smiling in your face while backstabbing you. He's spending time whenever there are kids and other people around to avoid alone time with you. That way there are no talks, no questions, no getting to the bottom of things. Distractions dear. Not too hard to get your head around at all. Keep up the home front so the affair wont be tracked.

Thank you OnigenZ. Wouldn't that woman in his text be the front? I am the one that he acknowledges. Thank you.

All smoke and mirrors. He acknowledges you out of duty and guilt. He's himself with her. I'm sorry this sucks, but it's true.

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Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by OnigenZ

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by thatlibralife

And to add more clarity to the situation about Taurus men let me give you an example.

My ex husband and I didn’t often get along. He was controlling, bossy and sneaky and we often argued. But because he saw his married friends on Facebook having their wedding vows renewed he brought up that we should too. It was just for show to make people think we were deep in love so he’d look good. Maybe that’s what some of them like to do, keep up appearances... I wouldn’t use that measure as a sign of whether he’s happy with the marriage. The affair is the bell weather...

Thank you thatlibralife. I do have a lot of anger but I also have children that in our presence 90% of the time when we are together. It does take a lot from me not to scream but I do. If I may ask, how long were you two married and did you initiate divorce? My cousin keeps telling me Taurus' don't leave.

He'll try to stop you from divorce and leaving, all to keep up appearances of a fake happy family. Taurus is vain, overindulgent, a true hedonistic heathen. The only one a bull is loyal to is himself, his comforts, his image. He wasnt getting all the sex he wanted, how he wanted from you, so yes he and any other bull would cheat because of it. But he uses kids and obligations to hold on to fake family image. Leave already. You know the truth. Make your plan and execute it.

Thank you OnigenZ. So you think all of this is for keeping up an image? If he was for image, why would he have someone he has been with for 3 years? Isn't there a fear of being caught due to "image"? So all in all, you dont think I am serious for him, neither that woman? Yesterday I thought, I should just leave without telling him what I know, but I would not be able to move like that, we have known each other for most of our lives.

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Posted by ElectroLeo

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by ElectroLeo

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by ElectroLeo

Always remember don’t fall into the trap.

Thank you ElectroLeo. What is the trap?

Just don’t get to close, keep your distance. Give it time and the Taurus should start to see his own path his own destiny. Which will allow you to do more things you want to do. As you know they are quite controlling and like to hold onto their possessions.

So he would want to keep our marriage in tact? ElectroLeo, what I want to do is unknown. I think we both would want to work and stay in our marriage. Thank you again.

What if he’s not actually cheating though do you have proof have you seen this.

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Posted by OnigenZ

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by OnigenZ

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by thatlibralife

And to add more clarity to the situation about Taurus men let me give you an example.

My ex husband and I didn’t often get along. He was controlling, bossy and sneaky and we often argued. But because he saw his married friends on Facebook having their wedding vows renewed he brought up that we should too. It was just for show to make people think we were deep in love so he’d look good. Maybe that’s what some of them like to do, keep up appearances... I wouldn’t use that measure as a sign of whether he’s happy with the marriage. The affair is the bell weather...

Thank you thatlibralife. I do have a lot of anger but I also have children that in our presence 90% of the time when we are together. It does take a lot from me not to scream but I do. If I may ask, how long were you two married and did you initiate divorce? My cousin keeps telling me Taurus' don't leave.

He'll try to stop you from divorce and leaving, all to keep up appearances of a fake happy family. Taurus is vain, overindulgent, a true hedonistic heathen. The only one a bull is loyal to is himself, his comforts, his image. He wasnt getting all the sex he wanted, how he wanted from you, so yes he and any other bull would cheat because of it. But he uses kids and obligations to hold on to fake family image. Leave already. You know the truth. Make your plan and execute it.

Thank you OnigenZ. So you think all of this is for keeping up an image? If he was for image, why would he have someone he has been with for 3 years? Isn't there a fear of being caught due to "image"? So all in all, you dont think I am serious for him, neither that woman? Yesterday I thought, I should just leave without telling him what I know, but I would not be able to move like that, we have known each other for most of our lives.

Image is the happy family, doting husband and dad act he's giving. The real him is the one behind closed doors that wasn't presented to you. You had to find out about his other life. Image is how you LOOK, not really who you are. False pretenses. No one is insulting you or the other woman. He's using you both and it's really disgusting.

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Posted by MareInfame

Hello Gem,

Yeah, I agree with your cousin.

What he has with his lover sounds like a deep soul connection and strong bond/partnership. If they speak the same love language and work well together and he confides in her with everything and doesn’t keep secrets from her, his SOUL belongs to her... he is deep in love.

The thing is, I also believe he loves you. It’s just not the type of love that lights him up and inspires him. With you, he has children, history - it’s a familial love. He cares about you, your well being. He knows you haven’t harmed him... so he continued to be dutiful towards you. But he isn’t loyal to you as a husband. He is loyal to you as a caretaker and family member. You don’t have sex, don’t speak the same love language... those are core issues for a partnership between husband and wife. But, he can still be loving towards you because he cares about you as a family member... and he doesn’t ignore that you are a good person, good mother, good roommate.

It sounds like you are very afraid to live in reality, see the reality... and I get the impression that you would prefer to continue living the lie if it promises comfort.

If that is your truth, then do nothing and continue as you are. He might divorce you when the children have grown... seems like he is planting his roots for that already.

So, be aware that by doing nothing, you might be harming yourself more than you think: your children will be adults and gone, you will be older and alone, financially... im not sure what he will do - he could be one to take as much as he can or he could be generous out of a guilty conscious.

Confronting now or flirting with divorce now might also be dangerous. I’d tread extremely carefully when threatening to take possessions and money away from Taurus. They can react quite viciously and cold-heartedly - go to extremes to protect their possessions. So protect yourself and your knowledge as much as possible! Whatever you do, do it in secret. Talk to a lawyer or counselor. Start an exit plan, just in case.

I don’t believe he will want to stay married with you after the children are grown - just because he already started business and investing with his SO. This isn’t a fling, this isn’t a typical love affair. This is much more serious and deeper than you would like to or allow yourself to believe.

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

An update, and if anyone has any thoughts or advice, thank you.

I still have not told him that I know what I know. This week we have been busy, it was lots of family events at our house, so we hosted alot. At the bbq yesterday, he left his phone in our room while he was grilling and when I went to change, I saw it, of course curiosity because I felt with how much we have been together, there could be no way he is still carrying on with that woman. I found that during our beach weekend getaway, they still maintained communication and even saw each other upon our return back into our city. That while as a family this week, we have been so busy with family in town, working from home, etc, he still has talked to this woman. My initial thought is that I am well beyond pissed because I don't get why he is so spent on reaching out to this woman. I am also thinking yes I am pissed but she is also getting the short end of the stick. I guess this is my ego speaking and I need to relinquish this. She is not at our home while we so everything we have done this week and prior, beach weekends, mini trips, home life, she gets moments and phone calls, and someone said they have a "soul connection" , minor moments and phone calls aren't much. Looks to me that this may be something to do. I am not trying to forget what is happening but I am also trying to not hastily throw away our marriage especially if both him and I want to be together.

Posted by Maxian

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

An update, and if anyone has any thoughts or advice, thank you.

I still have not told him that I know what I know. This week we have been busy, it was lots of family events at our house, so we hosted alot. At the bbq yesterday, he left his phone in our room while he was grilling and when I went to change, I saw it, of course curiosity because I felt with how much we have been together, there could be no way he is still carrying on with that woman. I found that during our beach weekend getaway, they still maintained communication and even saw each other upon our return back into our city. That while as a family this week, we have been so busy with family in town, working from home, etc, he still has talked to this woman. My initial thought is that I am well beyond pissed because I don't get why he is so spent on reaching out to this woman. I am also thinking yes I am pissed but she is also getting the short end of the stick. I guess this is my ego speaking and I need to relinquish this. She is not at our home while we so everything we have done this week and prior, beach weekends, mini trips, home life, she gets moments and phone calls, and someone said they have a "soul connection" , minor moments and phone calls aren't much. Looks to me that this may be something to do. I am not trying to forget what is happening but I am also trying to not hastily throw away our marriage especially if both him and I want to be together.

"minor moments and phone calls aren't much"

If it's his soulmate there's no need to be around that said person all the time, the love will be there through many lifetimes. Physically he might be with you, but I think his heart and consciousness is with the other woman.

I sense this is more life partner vs soulmate scenario.

As in where you're the life partner (logical), she is the soulmate (emotional), but I could be wrong.

click to expand

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

An update, and if anyone has any thoughts or advice, thank you.

I still have not told him that I know what I know. This week we have been busy, it was lots of family events at our house, so we hosted alot. At the bbq yesterday, he left his phone in our room while he was grilling and when I went to change, I saw it, of course curiosity because I felt with how much we have been together, there could be no way he is still carrying on with that woman. I found that during our beach weekend getaway, they still maintained communication and even saw each other upon our return back into our city. That while as a family this week, we have been so busy with family in town, working from home, etc, he still has talked to this woman. My initial thought is that I am well beyond pissed because I don't get why he is so spent on reaching out to this woman. I am also thinking yes I am pissed but she is also getting the short end of the stick. I guess this is my ego speaking and I need to relinquish this. She is not at our home while we so everything we have done this week and prior, beach weekends, mini trips, home life, she gets moments and phone calls, and someone said they have a "soul connection" , minor moments and phone calls aren't much. Looks to me that this may be something to do. I am not trying to forget what is happening but I am also trying to not hastily throw away our marriage especially if both him and I want to be together.

she's not in your home...she is really....she is in his head (and your head for that matter). she is very much in your home.

click to expand

Posted by bmoon8

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

An update, and if anyone has any thoughts or advice, thank you.

I still have not told him that I know what I know. This week we have been busy, it was lots of family events at our house, so we hosted alot. At the bbq yesterday, he left his phone in our room while he was grilling and when I went to change, I saw it, of course curiosity because I felt with how much we have been together, there could be no way he is still carrying on with that woman. I found that during our beach weekend getaway, they still maintained communication and even saw each other upon our return back into our city. That while as a family this week, we have been so busy with family in town, working from home, etc, he still has talked to this woman. My initial thought is that I am well beyond pissed because I don't get why he is so spent on reaching out to this woman. I am also thinking yes I am pissed but she is also getting the short end of the stick. I guess this is my ego speaking and I need to relinquish this. She is not at our home while we so everything we have done this week and prior, beach weekends, mini trips, home life, she gets moments and phone calls, and someone said they have a "soul connection" , minor moments and phone calls aren't much. Looks to me that this may be something to do. I am not trying to forget what is happening but I am also trying to not hastily throw away our marriage especially if both him and I want to be together.

You already got plenty of very good and practical advice from everyone. We are not going to say anything different than what you have already been told. Whether or not you listen to the advice is entirely up to you. You are a grown woman capable of making your own choices.

click to expand

Posted by CreamyPV

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

An update, and if anyone has any thoughts or advice, thank you.

I still have not told him that I know what I know. This week we have been busy, it was lots of family events at our house, so we hosted alot. At the bbq yesterday, he left his phone in our room while he was grilling and when I went to change, I saw it, of course curiosity because I felt with how much we have been together, there could be no way he is still carrying on with that woman. I found that during our beach weekend getaway, they still maintained communication and even saw each other upon our return back into our city. That while as a family this week, we have been so busy with family in town, working from home, etc, he still has talked to this woman. My initial thought is that I am well beyond pissed because I don't get why he is so spent on reaching out to this woman. I am also thinking yes I am pissed but she is also getting the short end of the stick. I guess this is my ego speaking and I need to relinquish this. She is not at our home while we so everything we have done this week and prior, beach weekends, mini trips, home life, she gets moments and phone calls, and someone said they have a "soul connection" , minor moments and phone calls aren't much. Looks to me that this may be something to do. I am not trying to forget what is happening but I am also trying to not hastily throw away our marriage especially if both him and I want to be together.

Sounds like you're looking for excuses. If you want to stay then just stay. You ain't gotta lie to kick it with us on dxp, you've accepted the new normal that the other woman is not going away, and you aren't going any where either. It is what it is. Stop checking his phone, all its doing is ruining the fantasy. Just pretend the other woman doesn't exist and maintain your happiness with your situation.

click to expand

Posted by Lavaliquid2

Girl, i came back to see if you exposed him yet.. but you still making up lame excuses for your husband.

Girl are you a pisces??

Fantasy is over. I would contact to other wonan so fast. My kids and i would have burned down everything he owns so fast.

Also advice: You should go to his phone one day and deleted all his texts, pictures and pics he exchanged with her. Gemini, now is the time to start playing games. This is your chance!!!

Posted by aquarius09

I’m going to give you logical advice, as you have to be sensible and practical about a life altering decision like divorce and certainly when it affects children. Can’t base this on emotions, certainly not when this level of history and benefits are involved.

- You didn’t mention if you are financially dependent on him. Got to factor that in.

- Look at the benefits - great dad, fam vacations, present at gathering. Overall, he’s offering stability for the kids. Divorce takes a huge emotional toll on children unless they’re already in a toxic environment.

- If you love him or love the present comfortable situation you’re in, then stay with him but you must make amends with the fact that you’re sharing him with another woman.

- If you’re not happy sharing him or you don’t love him anymore either the way he doesn’t, then perhaps you and him can work out a mutually beneficial co-habitation arrangement that allows both of you to live your separate life outside of home and you do this until your kids are old enough to understand the breakdown of their family. I know couples who have done this arrangement (mostly air and earth sign couples) for various reasons like mental well-being of children, legal fees, division of asset etc. This can only be done if both parties have checked out and want the best for people involved.

-Lastly, this narrative is common with Taurus men. I know a lot of them who have long time mistresses. The ones who have religion playing in their favour even take their long time mistresses as second wife. Taurus is family oriented like Cancers especially Taurus moon. They do what’s most practical for their home/children. Taurus women are like that too. They are a more pragmatic version of Cancers because they are grounded like their earth element.

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

An update, and if anyone has any thoughts or advice, thank you.

I still have not told him that I know what I know. This week we have been busy, it was lots of family events at our house, so we hosted alot. At the bbq yesterday, he left his phone in our room while he was grilling and when I went to change, I saw it, of course curiosity because I felt with how much we have been together, there could be no way he is still carrying on with that woman. I found that during our beach weekend getaway, they still maintained communication and even saw each other upon our return back into our city. That while as a family this week, we have been so busy with family in town, working from home, etc, he still has talked to this woman. My initial thought is that I am well beyond pissed because I don't get why he is so spent on reaching out to this woman. I am also thinking yes I am pissed but she is also getting the short end of the stick. I guess this is my ego speaking and I need to relinquish this. She is not at our home while we so everything we have done this week and prior, beach weekends, mini trips, home life, she gets moments and phone calls, and someone said they have a "soul connection" , minor moments and phone calls aren't much. Looks to me that this may be something to do. I am not trying to forget what is happening but I am also trying to not hastily throw away our marriage especially if both him and I want to be together.

she's not in your home...she is really....she is in his head (and your head for that matter). she is very much in your home.

Thank you Jeane. Isnt it better to be in someone's physical presence rather than the head? I occupy both. I am trying to look at things from a logical perspective.

click to expand

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by CreamyPV

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

An update, and if anyone has any thoughts or advice, thank you.

I still have not told him that I know what I know. This week we have been busy, it was lots of family events at our house, so we hosted alot. At the bbq yesterday, he left his phone in our room while he was grilling and when I went to change, I saw it, of course curiosity because I felt with how much we have been together, there could be no way he is still carrying on with that woman. I found that during our beach weekend getaway, they still maintained communication and even saw each other upon our return back into our city. That while as a family this week, we have been so busy with family in town, working from home, etc, he still has talked to this woman. My initial thought is that I am well beyond pissed because I don't get why he is so spent on reaching out to this woman. I am also thinking yes I am pissed but she is also getting the short end of the stick. I guess this is my ego speaking and I need to relinquish this. She is not at our home while we so everything we have done this week and prior, beach weekends, mini trips, home life, she gets moments and phone calls, and someone said they have a "soul connection" , minor moments and phone calls aren't much. Looks to me that this may be something to do. I am not trying to forget what is happening but I am also trying to not hastily throw away our marriage especially if both him and I want to be together.

Sounds like you're looking for excuses. If you want to stay then just stay. You ain't gotta lie to kick it with us on dxp, you've accepted the new normal that the other woman is not going away, and you aren't going any where either. It is what it is. Stop checking his phone, all its doing is ruining the fantasy. Just pretend the other woman doesn't exist and maintain your happiness with your situation.

Thank you CreamyPV. It's not that I am looking for excuses. A guy friend of mine told me awhile ago, men don't love side chicks, they're all temporary. I keep replaying this because I don't want our marriage to go into shambles because of someone that is temporary. If we need to work through then we should because isn't that what marriage is?

click to expand

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by aquarius09

I’m going to give you logical advice, as you have to be sensible and practical about a life altering decision like divorce and certainly when it affects children. Can’t base this on emotions, certainly not when this level of history and benefits are involved.

- You didn’t mention if you are financially dependent on him. Got to factor that in.

- Look at the benefits - great dad, fam vacations, present at gathering. Overall, he’s offering stability for the kids. Divorce takes a huge emotional toll on children unless they’re already in a toxic environment.

- If you love him or love the present comfortable situation you’re in, then stay with him but you must make amends with the fact that you’re sharing him with another woman.

- If you’re not happy sharing him or you don’t love him anymore either the way he doesn’t, then perhaps you and him can work out a mutually beneficial co-habitation arrangement that allows both of you to live your separate life outside of home and you do this until your kids are old enough to understand the breakdown of their family. I know couples who have done this arrangement (mostly air and earth sign couples) for various reasons like mental well-being of children, legal fees, division of asset etc. This can only be done if both parties have checked out and want the best for people involved.

-Lastly, this narrative is common with Taurus men. I know a lot of them who have long time mistresses. The ones who have religion playing in their favour even take their long time mistresses as second wife. Taurus is family oriented like Cancers especially Taurus moon. They do what’s most practical for their home/children. Taurus women are like that too. They are a more pragmatic version of Cancers because they are grounded like their earth element.

Thank you aquarius09. This is exactly where I am at in my head, trying to think logically.

"You didn’t mention if you are financially dependent on him"- I have a job but I would not be able to make ends meet by myself with my salary.

"great dad, fam vacations, present at gathering. Overall, he’s offering stability for the kids. Divorce takes a huge emotional toll on children unless they’re already in a toxic environment." -He really is all of these things. He offers stability for our home, children, me. Our children thrive in our environment.

"If you love him or love the present comfortable situation you’re in, then stay with him but you must make amends with the fact that you’re sharing him with another woman." - I do love him, he is all that I have known. I do not want to share.

I have not checked out. I love him.

"this narrative is common with Taurus men. I know a lot of them who have long time mistresses. The ones who have religion playing in their favor even take their long time mistresses as second wife. Taurus is family oriented like Cancers especially Taurus moon. They do what’s most practical for their home/children."

- this narrative is common? taurus and long-term mistresses? Why not get a divorce if they aren't happy. Like with my husband, he doesn't complain or say anything is wrong in our marriage. He is fully present. What is the point of taking on a long term mistress? Is that the person who they really want to be with? I don't understand that. If they want the mistress, why not start a family with them if they are family oriented then be with your family. This part is confusing.

click to expand

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

An update, and if anyone has any thoughts or advice, thank you.

I still have not told him that I know what I know. This week we have been busy, it was lots of family events at our house, so we hosted alot. At the bbq yesterday, he left his phone in our room while he was grilling and when I went to change, I saw it, of course curiosity because I felt with how much we have been together, there could be no way he is still carrying on with that woman. I found that during our beach weekend getaway, they still maintained communication and even saw each other upon our return back into our city. That while as a family this week, we have been so busy with family in town, working from home, etc, he still has talked to this woman. My initial thought is that I am well beyond pissed because I don't get why he is so spent on reaching out to this woman. I am also thinking yes I am pissed but she is also getting the short end of the stick. I guess this is my ego speaking and I need to relinquish this. She is not at our home while we so everything we have done this week and prior, beach weekends, mini trips, home life, she gets moments and phone calls, and someone said they have a "soul connection" , minor moments and phone calls aren't much. Looks to me that this may be something to do. I am not trying to forget what is happening but I am also trying to not hastily throw away our marriage especially if both him and I want to be together.

she's not in your home...she is really....she is in his head (and your head for that matter). she is very much in your home.

Thank you Jeane. Isnt it better to be in someone's physical presence rather than the head? I occupy both. I am trying to look at things from a logical perspective.

are you guys sleeping together? are you in his physical presence or are you existing in the same space?

i don't think you have told us how old your children are. are they very young?

i think it boils down to is this the marriage you want? this is the marriage you have. she is not temporary. it's been 3 years. he contacts her when you are away together. he contacts her when he gets back.

i see you have three options...

i) do nothing and accept this situation hoping that it will end one day

ii) tell him what you know and as you say, he wants to stay in the marriage - work on your marriage together

iii) tell him what you know and as you want to give him a choice, tell him he has to decide. if he decided that he is not prepared to leave her, then consider if you would be happy with option i.

that's looking at things logically. i suspect that you are going to choose option i. no shame in that. it works out better for your kids, better for you financially, better for him because he remains happy in his current situation.

click to expand

Posted by aquarius09

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by aquarius09

I’m going to give you logical advice, as you have to be sensible and practical about a life altering decision like divorce and certainly when it affects children. Can’t base this on emotions, certainly not when this level of history and benefits are involved.

- You didn’t mention if you are financially dependent on him. Got to factor that in.

- Look at the benefits - great dad, fam vacations, present at gathering. Overall, he’s offering stability for the kids. Divorce takes a huge emotional toll on children unless they’re already in a toxic environment.

- If you love him or love the present comfortable situation you’re in, then stay with him but you must make amends with the fact that you’re sharing him with another woman.

- If you’re not happy sharing him or you don’t love him anymore either the way he doesn’t, then perhaps you and him can work out a mutually beneficial co-habitation arrangement that allows both of you to live your separate life outside of home and you do this until your kids are old enough to understand the breakdown of their family. I know couples who have done this arrangement (mostly air and earth sign couples) for various reasons like mental well-being of children, legal fees, division of asset etc. This can only be done if both parties have checked out and want the best for people involved.

-Lastly, this narrative is common with Taurus men. I know a lot of them who have long time mistresses. The ones who have religion playing in their favour even take their long time mistresses as second wife. Taurus is family oriented like Cancers especially Taurus moon. They do what’s most practical for their home/children. Taurus women are like that too. They are a more pragmatic version of Cancers because they are grounded like their earth element.

Thank you aquarius09. This is exactly where I am at in my head, trying to think logically.

"You didn’t mention if you are financially dependent on him"- I have a job but I would not be able to make ends meet by myself with my salary.

"great dad, fam vacations, present at gathering. Overall, he’s offering stability for the kids. Divorce takes a huge emotional toll on children unless they’re already in a toxic environment." -He really is all of these things. He offers stability for our home, children, me. Our children thrive in our environment.

"If you love him or love the present comfortable situation you’re in, then stay with him but you must make amends with the fact that you’re sharing him with another woman." - I do love him, he is all that I have known. I do not want to share.

I have not checked out. I love him.

"this narrative is common with Taurus men. I know a lot of them who have long time mistresses. The ones who have religion playing in their favor even take their long time mistresses as second wife. Taurus is family oriented like Cancers especially Taurus moon. They do what’s most practical for their home/children."

- this narrative is common? taurus and long-term mistresses? Why not get a divorce if they aren't happy. Like with my husband, he doesn't complain or say anything is wrong in our marriage. He is fully present. What is the point of taking on a long term mistress? Is that the person who they really want to be with? I don't understand that. If they want the mistress, why not start a family with them if they are family oriented then be with your family. This part is confusing.

LoL why not start a family with your side chick? That also depends on where you are in life. You mentioned you’re nearing 40. He has 3 kids with you and already a fam, not to mention why would he want additional kids at 40?

Leaving a solid foundation (routine/familiarity/history/roots) for earth signs like Taurus isn’t easy. It’s nerve wrecking and why leave a sure thing for something that may not turn out well. Besides I also don’t think he’s unhappy with you. He’s comfortable and complacent. Unhappy is more like miserable and toxic and you are suffocating, which he’s not with you. Also, why would he disturb a comfy environment for his children when he’s got the best of both worlds happening for him.

You mentioned that you love him and cannot share him. You can ask him to pick which woman he wants, but you can ONLY do that if you’re willing to leave him and give up the life style you have now. It’s kinda like “beggars can’t be choosers.” You are the beggar in the situation because you love him and aren’t willing to let him go. So the only alternative you have is to ignore his affair.

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Posted by saggurl88

Are you amping up the sex in your marriage yet? Have you started fulfilling the wife duties that this mistress has taken over for you? Maybe start dating your husband again and having sex with him and she will go by the waste side soon.

You said they haver the same love language. Why aren't you willing to make small changes to be what he needs sexually, if you are trying to win him back without him knowing? You should start doing thing like before you had kids. If the sex was ok. If it's always been strained or luke warm, then I'm not sure what else you can do.

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

An update, and if anyone has any thoughts or advice, thank you.

I still have not told him that I know what I know. This week we have been busy, it was lots of family events at our house, so we hosted alot. At the bbq yesterday, he left his phone in our room while he was grilling and when I went to change, I saw it, of course curiosity because I felt with how much we have been together, there could be no way he is still carrying on with that woman. I found that during our beach weekend getaway, they still maintained communication and even saw each other upon our return back into our city. That while as a family this week, we have been so busy with family in town, working from home, etc, he still has talked to this woman. My initial thought is that I am well beyond pissed because I don't get why he is so spent on reaching out to this woman. I am also thinking yes I am pissed but she is also getting the short end of the stick. I guess this is my ego speaking and I need to relinquish this. She is not at our home while we so everything we have done this week and prior, beach weekends, mini trips, home life, she gets moments and phone calls, and someone said they have a "soul connection" , minor moments and phone calls aren't much. Looks to me that this may be something to do. I am not trying to forget what is happening but I am also trying to not hastily throw away our marriage especially if both him and I want to be together.

she's not in your home...she is really....she is in his head (and your head for that matter). she is very much in your home.

Thank you Jeane. Isnt it better to be in someone's physical presence rather than the head? I occupy both. I am trying to look at things from a logical perspective.

are you guys sleeping together? are you in his physical presence or are you existing in the same space?

i don't think you have told us how old your children are. are they very young?

i think it boils down to is this the marriage you want? this is the marriage you have. she is not temporary. it's been 3 years. he contacts her when you are away together. he contacts her when he gets back.

i see you have three options...

i) do nothing and accept this situation hoping that it will end one day

ii) tell him what you know and as you say, he wants to stay in the marriage - work on your marriage together

iii) tell him what you know and as you want to give him a choice, tell him he has to decide. if he decided that he is not prepared to leave her, then consider if you would be happy with option i.

that's looking at things logically. i suspect that you are going to choose option i. no shame in that. it works out better for your kids, better for you financially, better for him because he remains happy in his current situation.

jeane, we sleep together in the same room and we have sex maybe 1-3 times a month. Our kids range from ages 9-18. Its very hard wanting to not mess up our children's lives and stop the love I have for him as well, but I do not want him with anyone else because if we are a family, he shouldn't have anyone else.

click to expand

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by saggurl88

Are you amping up the sex in your marriage yet? Have you started fulfilling the wife duties that this mistress has taken over for you? Maybe start dating your husband again and having sex with him and she will go by the waste side soon.

You said they haver the same love language. Why aren't you willing to make small changes to be what he needs sexually, if you are trying to win him back without him knowing? You should start doing thing like before you had kids. If the sex was ok. If it's always been strained or luke warm, then I'm not sure what else you can do.

Thank you saggurl88. I do fulfill my wife duties, I take care of our children, I cook his dinner, I show up when I am needed. We have sex, not often but we do. I don't know what else to do that I haven't been doing since we married.

click to expand

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by aquarius09

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by aquarius09

I’m going to give you logical advice, as you have to be sensible and practical about a life altering decision like divorce and certainly when it affects children. Can’t base this on emotions, certainly not when this level of history and benefits are involved.

- You didn’t mention if you are financially dependent on him. Got to factor that in.

- Look at the benefits - great dad, fam vacations, present at gathering. Overall, he’s offering stability for the kids. Divorce takes a huge emotional toll on children unless they’re already in a toxic environment.

- If you love him or love the present comfortable situation you’re in, then stay with him but you must make amends with the fact that you’re sharing him with another woman.

- If you’re not happy sharing him or you don’t love him anymore either the way he doesn’t, then perhaps you and him can work out a mutually beneficial co-habitation arrangement that allows both of you to live your separate life outside of home and you do this until your kids are old enough to understand the breakdown of their family. I know couples who have done this arrangement (mostly air and earth sign couples) for various reasons like mental well-being of children, legal fees, division of asset etc. This can only be done if both parties have checked out and want the best for people involved.

-Lastly, this narrative is common with Taurus men. I know a lot of them who have long time mistresses. The ones who have religion playing in their favour even take their long time mistresses as second wife. Taurus is family oriented like Cancers especially Taurus moon. They do what’s most practical for their home/children. Taurus women are like that too. They are a more pragmatic version of Cancers because they are grounded like their earth element.

Thank you aquarius09. This is exactly where I am at in my head, trying to think logically.

"You didn’t mention if you are financially dependent on him"- I have a job but I would not be able to make ends meet by myself with my salary.

"great dad, fam vacations, present at gathering. Overall, he’s offering stability for the kids. Divorce takes a huge emotional toll on children unless they’re already in a toxic environment." -He really is all of these things. He offers stability for our home, children, me. Our children thrive in our environment.

"If you love him or love the present comfortable situation you’re in, then stay with him but you must make amends with the fact that you’re sharing him with another woman." - I do love him, he is all that I have known. I do not want to share.

I have not checked out. I love him.

"this narrative is common with Taurus men. I know a lot of them who have long time mistresses. The ones who have religion playing in their favor even take their long time mistresses as second wife. Taurus is family oriented like Cancers especially Taurus moon. They do what’s most practical for their home/children."

- this narrative is common? taurus and long-term mistresses? Why not get a divorce if they aren't happy. Like with my husband, he doesn't complain or say anything is wrong in our marriage. He is fully present. What is the point of taking on a long term mistress? Is that the person who they really want to be with? I don't understand that. If they want the mistress, why not start a family with them if they are family oriented then be with your family. This part is confusing.

LoL why not start a family with your side chick? That also depends on where you are in life. You mentioned you’re nearing 40. He has 3 kids with you and already a fam, not to mention why would he want additional kids at 40?

Leaving a solid foundation (routine/familiarity/history/roots) for earth signs like Taurus isn’t easy. It’s nerve wrecking and why leave a sure thing for something that may not turn out well. Besides I also don’t think he’s unhappy with you. He’s comfortable and complacent. Unhappy is more like miserable and toxic and you are suffocating, which he’s not with you. Also, why would he disturb a comfy environment for his children when he’s got the best of both worlds happening for him.

You mentioned that you love him and cannot share him. You can ask him to pick which woman he wants, but you can ONLY do that if you’re willing to leave him and give up the life style you have now. It’s kinda like “beggars can’t be choosers.” You are the beggar in the situation because you love him and aren’t willing to let him go. So the only alternative you have is to ignore his affair.

Thank you aquarius09. I have read text messages where they both said, they do not want any more kids. They have talked about kids. When I say start a family, I mean then why won't he marry her if he wants to be with her. I do not think we have a happy life. We have a pretty routine life with low maintenance other than regular children woes. But we lead a pretty good life to me, that's why I didnt understand why people perceived it as being "unhappy", he is still here.

"best of both worlds" my friend spoke about this the other day, she said "I just dont think he wants to be with you per say but he has the best of both worlds" and I asked her what is the bestof both worlds if you think he does not want to be with me. She said "the person that he actually likes in a romantic setting and a friend that he has history with that he is able to coparent with due to the history". Is that what you mean as well?

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Posted by aquarius09

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by aquarius09

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by aquarius09

I’m going to give you logical advice, as you have to be sensible and practical about a life altering decision like divorce and certainly when it affects children. Can’t base this on emotions, certainly not when this level of history and benefits are involved.

- You didn’t mention if you are financially dependent on him. Got to factor that in.

- Look at the benefits - great dad, fam vacations, present at gathering. Overall, he’s offering stability for the kids. Divorce takes a huge emotional toll on children unless they’re already in a toxic environment.

- If you love him or love the present comfortable situation you’re in, then stay with him but you must make amends with the fact that you’re sharing him with another woman.

- If you’re not happy sharing him or you don’t love him anymore either the way he doesn’t, then perhaps you and him can work out a mutually beneficial co-habitation arrangement that allows both of you to live your separate life outside of home and you do this until your kids are old enough to understand the breakdown of their family. I know couples who have done this arrangement (mostly air and earth sign couples) for various reasons like mental well-being of children, legal fees, division of asset etc. This can only be done if both parties have checked out and want the best for people involved.

-Lastly, this narrative is common with Taurus men. I know a lot of them who have long time mistresses. The ones who have religion playing in their favour even take their long time mistresses as second wife. Taurus is family oriented like Cancers especially Taurus moon. They do what’s most practical for their home/children. Taurus women are like that too. They are a more pragmatic version of Cancers because they are grounded like their earth element.

Thank you aquarius09. This is exactly where I am at in my head, trying to think logically.

"You didn’t mention if you are financially dependent on him"- I have a job but I would not be able to make ends meet by myself with my salary.

"great dad, fam vacations, present at gathering. Overall, he’s offering stability for the kids. Divorce takes a huge emotional toll on children unless they’re already in a toxic environment." -He really is all of these things. He offers stability for our home, children, me. Our children thrive in our environment.

"If you love him or love the present comfortable situation you’re in, then stay with him but you must make amends with the fact that you’re sharing him with another woman." - I do love him, he is all that I have known. I do not want to share.

I have not checked out. I love him.

"this narrative is common with Taurus men. I know a lot of them who have long time mistresses. The ones who have religion playing in their favor even take their long time mistresses as second wife. Taurus is family oriented like Cancers especially Taurus moon. They do what’s most practical for their home/children."

- this narrative is common? taurus and long-term mistresses? Why not get a divorce if they aren't happy. Like with my husband, he doesn't complain or say anything is wrong in our marriage. He is fully present. What is the point of taking on a long term mistress? Is that the person who they really want to be with? I don't understand that. If they want the mistress, why not start a family with them if they are family oriented then be with your family. This part is confusing.

LoL why not start a family with your side chick? That also depends on where you are in life. You mentioned you’re nearing 40. He has 3 kids with you and already a fam, not to mention why would he want additional kids at 40?

Leaving a solid foundation (routine/familiarity/history/roots) for earth signs like Taurus isn’t easy. It’s nerve wrecking and why leave a sure thing for something that may not turn out well. Besides I also don’t think he’s unhappy with you. He’s comfortable and complacent. Unhappy is more like miserable and toxic and you are suffocating, which he’s not with you. Also, why would he disturb a comfy environment for his children when he’s got the best of both worlds happening for him.

You mentioned that you love him and cannot share him. You can ask him to pick which woman he wants, but you can ONLY do that if you’re willing to leave him and give up the life style you have now. It’s kinda like “beggars can’t be choosers.” You are the beggar in the situation because you love him and aren’t willing to let him go. So the only alternative you have is to ignore his affair.

Thank you aquarius09. I have read text messages where they both said, they do not want any more kids. They have talked about kids. When I say start a family, I mean then why won't he marry her if he wants to be with her. I do not think we have a happy life. We have a pretty routine life with low maintenance other than regular children woes. But we lead a pretty good life to me, that's why I didnt understand why people perceived it as being "unhappy", he is still here.

"best of both worlds" my friend spoke about this the other day, she said "I just dont think he wants to be with you per say but he has the best of both worlds" and I asked her what is the bestof both worlds if you think he does not want to be with me. She said "the person that he actually likes in a romantic setting and a friend that he has history with that he is able to coparent with due to the history". Is that what you mean as well?

I mean exactly what your friend has advised you. He’s not going to disturb his routine, uproot the children and upset the peaceful coexistence he has with you unless he has to/forced to. He’s got his paramour on the side and a reliable partner/mother of his children who he shares a lot with aside from history. Why would anyone meddle with that arrangement? The ball is in your court. You have to decide as you’re the one who has feelings for him and appreciate what you have with him and have short end of the stick.

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Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

An update, and if anyone has any thoughts or advice, thank you.

I still have not told him that I know what I know. This week we have been busy, it was lots of family events at our house, so we hosted alot. At the bbq yesterday, he left his phone in our room while he was grilling and when I went to change, I saw it, of course curiosity because I felt with how much we have been together, there could be no way he is still carrying on with that woman. I found that during our beach weekend getaway, they still maintained communication and even saw each other upon our return back into our city. That while as a family this week, we have been so busy with family in town, working from home, etc, he still has talked to this woman. My initial thought is that I am well beyond pissed because I don't get why he is so spent on reaching out to this woman. I am also thinking yes I am pissed but she is also getting the short end of the stick. I guess this is my ego speaking and I need to relinquish this. She is not at our home while we so everything we have done this week and prior, beach weekends, mini trips, home life, she gets moments and phone calls, and someone said they have a "soul connection" , minor moments and phone calls aren't much. Looks to me that this may be something to do. I am not trying to forget what is happening but I am also trying to not hastily throw away our marriage especially if both him and I want to be together.

she's not in your home...she is really....she is in his head (and your head for that matter). she is very much in your home.

Thank you Jeane. Isnt it better to be in someone's physical presence rather than the head? I occupy both. I am trying to look at things from a logical perspective.

are you guys sleeping together? are you in his physical presence or are you existing in the same space?

i don't think you have told us how old your children are. are they very young?

i think it boils down to is this the marriage you want? this is the marriage you have. she is not temporary. it's been 3 years. he contacts her when you are away together. he contacts her when he gets back.

i see you have three options...

i) do nothing and accept this situation hoping that it will end one day

ii) tell him what you know and as you say, he wants to stay in the marriage - work on your marriage together

iii) tell him what you know and as you want to give him a choice, tell him he has to decide. if he decided that he is not prepared to leave her, then consider if you would be happy with option i.

that's looking at things logically. i suspect that you are going to choose option i. no shame in that. it works out better for your kids, better for you financially, better for him because he remains happy in his current situation.

jeane, we sleep together in the same room and we have sex maybe 1-3 times a month. Our kids range from ages 9-18. Its very hard wanting to not mess up our children's lives and stop the love I have for him as well, but I do not want him with anyone else because if we are a family, he shouldn't have anyone else.

i think you have to weigh up who comes first in this, you or your children because if your taurus is anything like mine, 1-3 times a month of sex means he is meeting up with his mistress a lot.

(admittedly me and the taurus don't have children but we have been together for nearly 7 years now (we don't live together and he has child responsibilities to factor in) and if anything we have more sex now than we did when we first got together.)

i don't see him leaving her on his own volition. i think he loves her. he could very well love you too (though not in the same way) but then it goes back to is this kind of marriage enough for you?

i can appreciate you not wanting to mess up your kids lives. could you hold your tongue for the next 9-10 years+ or so for the sake of your kids? maybe put your theory to the test and see if things don't last with her? of course, even if they don't last with her, there is no guarantee that he won't start with someone new. this is option i.

however, if option i is off the table then you are left with options ii and iii.

click to expand

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

An update, and if anyone has any thoughts or advice, thank you.

I still have not told him that I know what I know. This week we have been busy, it was lots of family events at our house, so we hosted alot. At the bbq yesterday, he left his phone in our room while he was grilling and when I went to change, I saw it, of course curiosity because I felt with how much we have been together, there could be no way he is still carrying on with that woman. I found that during our beach weekend getaway, they still maintained communication and even saw each other upon our return back into our city. That while as a family this week, we have been so busy with family in town, working from home, etc, he still has talked to this woman. My initial thought is that I am well beyond pissed because I don't get why he is so spent on reaching out to this woman. I am also thinking yes I am pissed but she is also getting the short end of the stick. I guess this is my ego speaking and I need to relinquish this. She is not at our home while we so everything we have done this week and prior, beach weekends, mini trips, home life, she gets moments and phone calls, and someone said they have a "soul connection" , minor moments and phone calls aren't much. Looks to me that this may be something to do. I am not trying to forget what is happening but I am also trying to not hastily throw away our marriage especially if both him and I want to be together.

she's not in your home...she is really....she is in his head (and your head for that matter). she is very much in your home.

Thank you Jeane. Isnt it better to be in someone's physical presence rather than the head? I occupy both. I am trying to look at things from a logical perspective.

are you guys sleeping together? are you in his physical presence or are you existing in the same space?

i don't think you have told us how old your children are. are they very young?

i think it boils down to is this the marriage you want? this is the marriage you have. she is not temporary. it's been 3 years. he contacts her when you are away together. he contacts her when he gets back.

i see you have three options...

i) do nothing and accept this situation hoping that it will end one day

ii) tell him what you know and as you say, he wants to stay in the marriage - work on your marriage together

iii) tell him what you know and as you want to give him a choice, tell him he has to decide. if he decided that he is not prepared to leave her, then consider if you would be happy with option i.

that's looking at things logically. i suspect that you are going to choose option i. no shame in that. it works out better for your kids, better for you financially, better for him because he remains happy in his current situation.

jeane, we sleep together in the same room and we have sex maybe 1-3 times a month. Our kids range from ages 9-18. Its very hard wanting to not mess up our children's lives and stop the love I have for him as well, but I do not want him with anyone else because if we are a family, he shouldn't have anyone else.

i think you have to weigh up who comes first in this, you or your children because if your taurus is anything like mine, 1-3 times a month of sex means he is meeting up with his mistress a lot.

(admittedly me and the taurus don't have children but we have been together for nearly 7 years now (we don't live together and he has child responsibilities to factor in) and if anything we have more sex now than we did when we first got together.)

i don't see him leaving her on his own volition. i think he loves her. he could very well love you too (though not in the same way) but then it goes back to is this kind of marriage enough for you?

i can appreciate you not wanting to mess up your kids lives. could you hold your tongue for the next 9-10 years+ or so for the sake of your kids? maybe put your theory to the test and see if things don't last with her? of course, even if they don't last with her, there is no guarantee that he won't start with someone new. this is option i.

however, if option i is off the table then you are left with options ii and iii.

Thank you jeane. I have been writing these responses down and it is helping me in my thought process. I definitely know I cannot hold my tongue for the next 9-10 years, it is taking a lot for me to say anything now. Oh your guy is a Taurus, honestly I do not see him having any time to see her. We have been working from home for the past year, and he mostly goes out for groceries and odds and ends, so I doubt they are having much sex either. He is mostly at home. jeane, what do you think about the post I just posted about what he did today? Thank you.

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Posted by Lavaliquid2

Girl, i came back to see if you exposed him yet.. but you still making up lame excuses for your husband.

Girl are you a pisces??

Fantasy is over. I would contact to other wonan so fast. My kids and i would have burned down everything he owns so fast.

Also advice: You should go to his phone one day and deleted all his texts, pictures and pics he exchanged with her. Gemini, now is the time to start playing games. This is your chance!!!

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Today my husband posted a tribute to me on social media with our senior prom photo with a message that read "My wife and I senior prom, has been around for a while ❤️" He is not too verbal but that was a lot for him. I did not ask him to post this, he did this on his own. This may be a good sign! I will not say, I don't consider this as hope, I do. What do you all think? Thank you again for your thoughts and advice so far, I do appreciate them as I think about things.

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

Posted by jeane

Posted by geminiwithataurusman

An update, and if anyone has any thoughts or advice, thank you.



I still have not told him that I know what I know. This week we have been busy, it was lots of family events at our house, so we hosted alot. At the bbq yesterday, he left his phone in our room while he was grilling and when I went to change, I saw it, of course curiosity because I felt with how much we have been together, there could be no way he is still carrying on with that woman. I found that during our beach weekend getaway, they still maintained communication and even saw each other upon our return back into our city. That while as a family this week, we have been so busy with family in town, working from home, etc, he still has talked to this woman. My initial thought is that I am well beyond pissed because I don't get why he is so spent on reaching out to this woman. I am also thinking yes I am pissed but she is also getting the short end of the stick. I guess this is my ego speaking and I need to relinquish this. She is not at our home while we so everything we have done this week and prior, beach weekends, mini trips, home life, she gets moments and phone calls, and someone said they have a "soul connection" , minor moments and phone calls aren't much. Looks to me that this may be something to do. I am not trying to forget what is happening but I am also trying to not hastily throw away our marriage especially if both him and I want to be together.

she's not in your home...she is really....she is in his head (and your head for that matter). she is very much in your home.

Thank you Jeane. Isnt it better to be in someone's physical presence rather than the head? I occupy both. I am trying to look at things from a logical perspective.

are you guys sleeping together? are you in his physical presence or are you existing in the same space?

i don't think you have told us how old your children are. are they very young?

i think it boils down to is this the marriage you want? this is the marriage you have. she is not temporary. it's been 3 years. he contacts her when you are away together. he contacts her when he gets back.

i see you have three options...

i) do nothing and accept this situation hoping that it will end one day

ii) tell him what you know and as you say, he wants to stay in the marriage - work on your marriage together

iii) tell him what you know and as you want to give him a choice, tell him he has to decide. if he decided that he is not prepared to leave her, then consider if you would be happy with option i.

that's looking at things logically. i suspect that you are going to choose option i. no shame in that. it works out better for your kids, better for you financially, better for him because he remains happy in his current situation.

jeane, we sleep together in the same room and we have sex maybe 1-3 times a month. Our kids range from ages 9-18. Its very hard wanting to not mess up our children's lives and stop the love I have for him as well, but I do not want him with anyone else because if we are a family, he shouldn't have anyone else.

i think you have to weigh up who comes first in this, you or your children because if your taurus is anything like mine, 1-3 times a month of sex means he is meeting up with his mistress a lot.

(admittedly me and the taurus don't have children but we have been together for nearly 7 years now (we don't live together and he has child responsibilities to factor in) and if anything we have more sex now than we did when we first got together.)

i don't see him leaving her on his own volition. i think he loves her. he could very well love you too (though not in the same way) but then it goes back to is this kind of marriage enough for you?

i can appreciate you not wanting to mess up your kids lives. could you hold your tongue for the next 9-10 years+ or so for the sake of your kids? maybe put your theory to the test and see if things don't last with her? of course, even if they don't last with her, there is no guarantee that he won't start with someone new. this is option i.

however, if option i is off the table then you are left with options ii and iii.

Thank you jeane. I have been writing these responses down and it is helping me in my thought process. I definitely know I cannot hold my tongue for the next 9-10 years, it is taking a lot for me to say anything now. Oh your guy is a Taurus, honestly I do not see him having any time to see her. We have been working from home for the past year, and he mostly goes out for groceries and odds and ends, so I doubt they are having much sex either. He is mostly at home. jeane, what do you think about the post I just posted about what he did today? Thank you.

oh they find time. don't you worry. when i first met my fella he was working two jobs -starting at 9am and finishing at 3 the following morning. he was looking after kids over the weekends, took them to school in the morning and picked them up in the afternoon. we still found time.

social media? to me it looks like a front. for years my partner put on a front with his now ex-wife. would do all the family things, parent-teacher night, days out, holidays. he was miserable for about 2/3rds of his marriage. although he had ample opportunity he never cheated on her though.

now with me and him, there is no mention of us on social media. about 5-10 people know about us. i don't actually even think his ex-wife knows about us. they are very good at showing and keeping hidden what they want to.

i wouldn't concentrate on the superficial. it's easy to put value in the mask while ignoring that everyday he lies to you, everyday he deceives you. he puts on a front to you because he doesn't share the full story. i wouldn't be distracted by what is happening on social media and ignoring what is happening straight to my face.

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Posted by LadyNeptune

Cheating is a CHOICE not a MISTAKE.

I don't think someone can love you and repeatedly make the choice to hurt you, betray you, cheat on you, and break you... that's not love.