good ole feelings

So 2016 was plagued with family members passing on, some really close to me. Just this week I've been tasked with saying farewell to our beloved gorgeous dog.

My Leo had noticed that I tend to use distraction a form of getting away with having to deal with these emotions upfront and I tend to offload it slowly over time in bursts. I won't lie I cried a bunch in private after putting her to sleep one final time. The emotions hit so much harder when you're there to witness it from start to finish.

I'd keep myself busy, watch things on youtube, do extra work, love a bit harder and stay as far away as possible from talking to anyone about...you know... the bad feels.

It's just weird how my dog seem to have a bigger effect on me. I'm never too close with family and they are seldom around. I use to talk to my dog like it could actually understand me because I figured hey, she must be super lonely too if I'm not around. She's an old dog so she's been with me since 17 so that's almost 16 years of my life and it's amazing how our minds create that bond.

I remember telling myself at a really young age after witnessing my cousin's passing, the insufferable pain to him and others around him that I'd never want to be fully attached to anything, it's just not worth it. I've changed my mind since then but god it feels awful.

Conditioned myself to not really care about other people so much but there's just something about animals. She's had a good life, I hope I've looked after her well plenty but it's always the same nagging question, even with my daughter now... It's always... I hope I'm doing a good job, I hope I've done a good job.

I read a lot of the aqua threads here and I just think... I wish I could detach that easily when in reality when I truly care about something or someone, they become my life and I want to give them my all.

Anyway, just a thought. Happy birth aquas, tis a joyous month. Hope you've all had a great new years.

I'm deeply sorry about your loss.

Humans are closer with their pets than their family. (except for kids) because they don't judge us, we can be ourselves and they will still love us.

I'm the same way, Growing up I didn't cry at funerals of grandparents and uncles, aunts, not because I didn't care but because I feel it as if they have gone to another level in our existence. I don't know what's after death but I've never felt like it ends there. and if it does, there's nothing we can do about it.

Is not bad to feel or not feel emotions. If you feel them, explore them, understand your pain and your emotions, cry, scream, let it all go.

It's good for the soul.

... 😢

Beautiful dog......so sorry to hear you had to let go of her.....

It's good that you shared this, it's heartbreaking when they pass 😢

(((hugs)))

so sorry Snoz - it's never easy

🤗

saying goodbye to the fur babies can sometimes be harder than humans. We form bonds with them that transcend other connections because they give us unconditional love.

sorry for your loss 😢

Sorry for your loss 😢

If only we really truly were like the robots people stereotypically believe us to be. Then again we wouldn't feel the highest highs and the greatest of joys.

I personally am always a work in progress but expressing my emotions be it pleasant or not I'm going to try to be more open about.

Again, sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry for your loss. It's really hard to deal with especially if they've been with you for a very long time.

I know the feeling of self distraction from having to deal with messy feelings of loss and grief. I know it too well.

After 25 years of having a reptile semi aquatic terrarium, I've decided it's time to let my pets go, let them live out the rest of their lives in a controlled natural environment. All this after one of them fell seriously ill with pneumonia, and is currently still fighting it.