My aqua boyfriend has flipped a 180 on me.. Insight please!

I'm 38, sag w/Taurus rising and pisces moon. He's 33, aqua w/capricorn moon (not sure of his rising). We've been together now for 2 yrs 3 months. We met 6 yrs ago. He was a customer at my retail store job and it was a connection at first sight thing. We were both in relationships and kept our conversations very friendly and light hearted. I moved across the country about a year later and was there for 3 years (always with plans of moving back once my daughter started college). Throughout the 3 yrs I was gone he would randomly contact me to catch up and see when I was moving back. 6 months before I was planning on moving back he called me and confessed how he felt about me and I did the same (since we were both single). Our feelings and plans were mutual, love at first sight, you're special, want to spend our lives together thing. He came and stayed with me for a week as "friends" which caused confusion on my part bc I thought we were passed that. The visit went well and we talked, skyped, messaged nonstop afterwards. 2 months later I moved back and directly in with him. I was open from the start with him that I was going through a dark time in my life (ptsd, emptynest syndrome and depression) and I was weak holistically and asked for him to try and be patient with me during this. He has been amazing! I didn't need to work (his words) bc he makes enough money. He works on the river and is gone 4-6 wks and then home for 2 wks. For 2 yrs now I've been a hermit, not wanting to leave the house unless I had too and was ok with that and so was he. I really was scared of life and lost in who I was without my child to take care of and focused mainly on him especially when he was home (which was just a distraction and substitute for my own emptines). Yet he was always down for me and allowed me to go through what I was during our relationship. Until about 3 months or so ago. He went from loving, supportive, clingy, caring and warm to quite the opposite. He has no time for me, makes excuses as to why he hasn't called or messaged, he's accusing, rude, cold, distant and unconcerned with me and as if I'm a burden and unfamiliar. Maybe 1 time a week he is loving again but it's fleeting. About a month before he started to act this way I enrolled into school, have made a friend and been getting out of the house. Would that be the cause of his feelings towards me to change? I feel like I'm a stranger to him and am confused. I sent him a text this morning that said: good morning sexy! Hoping all is well with you and wishing you a wonderful day! (Which is a normal message either of us would send through out our relationship) His response was: 🙂 ty (wtf is that?? A smile and a ty?? He didn't even type it thank you!) He has never responded like that before. I've been having this gut feeling that he is just waiting for me to get tired of his treatment and breakup and leave. Is this a typical Aquarius tactic? Is it over? Is he going through something? Do I confront him? Idk what to do! Please help!!

Confront.

(Paragraphs please next time. It makes it easier for people to read and respond.)

Not an Aqua, but a guy. Without knowing much about the guy and his own situation (feel fee to give more details if you have them) I'm going to have to agree with @bittercupcake and @youngali. It's either one of three things.

A) He's emotionally and mentally drained. Aquas are like Leos, we want a partner who is a whole person (the full package). Aquas who care about you can help you get back on your two feet because they have a LOT of love to give. Eventually though if you aren't making an effort, they will notice. Their ability to support you will become more of a burden over time. Aqua's however don't complain readily, as they are not prone to showing their frustration/anger.

Instead Aquas tend to become quiet and detached as they contemplate the nature of their feelings. They effectively remove themselves from the problem until they can rationalize what is troubling them. When they DO finally express themselves though, it can be a deluge of emotion.

Seems to be your Aqua loves you, but is in this phase of rationalizing why he feels drained by you. He may have hit his limit and become irritated. Since Aquas tend to be detached from their feelings, he may be figruing out how to approach this situation without exploding all at once. Be mindful of this and start taking the necessary steps to depend on him less.

B) He may actually be more clingy and controlling than you know. Now that you are starting to rebuild your identity (separate of him), it could be rubbing him the wrong way. He may be getting jealous and possessive. Unlike Leos, Aquas tend to be less prone to overtly showing these traits. They are too proud to ever admit to jealousy. Instead they may become grumpy, cold, or distant. Aquas generally respect people's freedoms and space, so I don't think this is the likely case. Granted deep down Aqua men can be old fashioned, so the idea of his lady staying home may actually appeal to this Aqua's view of relationships.

C) There is the chance that he is going through something separate from you. Given your situation, he may not think you are strong enough to support him, so he may be working through things on his own. Aquas are not big fans of asking for help in general, and will often tackle issues silently. If an Aqua is hurting, the people around them may never know. This is again is because they don't like to feel vulnerable.

All of that being said, you should DEFINITELY continue to rebuild your life. If situation A or C are correct, your independence will only benefit your relationship. By becoming more independent you put less emotional weight on him. He will respect the fact that he has a partner who is an equal in the relationship. He will become less resentful and drained by you.

If situation B is correct, you will need to explain to your Aqua that in order to have a healthy relationship, both parties need to be able to stand on their own two feet. A couple consists of two WHOLE people after all. Let him know that he need not feel insecure because you will not forget the support he's given you. However you need to do what is healthy for you and start creating some independence for yourself.

Watching and reading this stories with popcorn... everyone has given you amazing insights.. whatever it is, you need to do what makes you happy. Never rely on another human being to make you happy. Regardless of the options A, B or C, only you can pull yourself together. I do agree that Aquarius likes a woman who is a whole person esp that cap moon.... , perhaps those times apart from you made him feel love towards you, but now that you are basically one person, he's not sure anymore if feelings are enough to maintain a happy and fulfilling relationships. So he's purposely being an ass on purpose... the only way to know is to communicate with him. Aquarius are known to be honest. I do feel he's purposely being an ass so you brake it off with him... bechsss he doesn't know how to brake it off with you. Perhaps he needs space and time apart , though he's not sure how to ask for it. Good luck and look after yourself..

Chuckem has made some good points.

Speaking from experience with my Aqua ex, I don't think confronting him is the best way to go.

In this case space is required. My personal opinion of Aquas is that they can be opposite, ie put on a brave front but inside they are really hurting and broken.

Continue to build your life, but at the same time if you do talk to your Aqua, just be as supportive and non pushy as you can. Let him feel safe and whatever is bothering him will eventually come out.

My aqua ex and I work together and it took her nearly 8 months after we broke up to say hello to me.

So space and time is the key

DO NOT contact him anymore under ANY circumstances. Treat him like he is crap and dead to you. MEN especially Aquarius men don't want you until you don't want them. And if and when he does come back ask yourself if this is the man you deseve and go from there.

Posted by youngali
plus his aqua and cap combo loves a chick that can carry her own... but he wants to have the option to not allow her to...

one being too dependant, eliminates that option and he probably feels he's being taken advantage of, plus it's a major turn off. especially considering the amount of time involved.

I had a job a year ago, for 5 months. I made pretty decent money, benefits, 401k, vacation etc., he hated that I was working.. For 2 reasons (that he told me) 1. He makes enough money so I doubt have to work 2. It took time away from us spending time together while he was home.

He was correct about both, time and money, so I quit. I've tried to do things to help and feel like I'm contributing to this relationship and usually if its something to do outside the home he doesn't receive it well.

"About a month before he started to act this way I enrolled into school, have made a friend and been getting out of the house."



Some men are more comfortable with a

dependent* woman, PiMoo.

You already know the deal with what's going on.

Barring any additional information that might

change the circumstances, I think that's it.

If you became a hermit again, you would

probably see the same man you moved in with.

Happy to have you to himself, not sharing you

with the rest of the world.



*Edit: Dependent both emotionally and

financially... nothing wrong with you not

working, and didn't mean to imply that

there was.

Posted by Chuckcem
(Paragraphs please next time. It makes it easier for people to read and respond.)

Not an Aqua, but a guy. Without knowing much about the guy and his own situation (feel fee to give more details if you have them) I'm going to have to agree with @bittercupcake and @youngali. It's either one of three things.

A) He's emotionally and mentally drained. Aquas are like Leos, we want a partner who is a whole person (the full package). Aquas who care about you can help you get back on your two feet because they have a LOT of love to give. Eventually though if you aren't making an effort, they will notice. Their ability to support you will become more of a burden over time. Aqua's however don't complain readily, as they are not prone to showing their frustration/anger.

Instead Aquas tend to become quiet and detached as they contemplate the nature of their feelings. They effectively remove themselves from the problem until they can rationalize what is troubling them. When they DO finally express themselves though, it can be a deluge of emotion.

Seems to be your Aqua loves you, but is in this phase of rationalizing why he feels drained by you. He may have hit his limit and become irritated. Since Aquas tend to be detached from their feelings, he may be figruing out how to approach this situation without exploding all at once. Be mindful of this and start taking the necessary steps to depend on him less.

B) He may actually be more clingy and controlling than you know. Now that you are starting to rebuild your identity (separate of him), it could be rubbing him the wrong way. He may be getting jealous and possessive. Unlike Leos, Aquas tend to be less prone to overtly showing these traits. They are too proud to ever admit to jealousy. Instead they may become grumpy, cold, or distant. Aquas generally respect people's freedoms and space, so I don't think this is the likely case. Granted deep down Aqua men can be old fashioned, so the idea of his lady staying home may actually appeal to this Aqua's view of relationships.

C) There is the chance that he is going through something separate from you. Given your situation, he may not think you are strong enough to support him, so he may be working through things on his own. Aquas are not big fans of asking for help in general, and will often tackle issues silently. If an Aqua is hurting, the people around them may never know. This is again is because they don't like to feel vulnerable.

All of that being said, you should DEFINITELY continue to rebuild your life. If situation A or C are correct, your independence will only benefit your relationship. By becoming more independent you put less emotional weight on him. He will respect the fact that he has a partner who is an equal in the relationship. He will become less resentful and drained by you.

If situation B is correct, you will need to explain to your Aqua that in order to have a healthy relationship, both parties need to be able to stand on their own two feet. A couple consists of two WHOLE people after all. Let him know that he need not feel insecure because you will not forget the support he's given you. However you need to do what is healthy for you and start creating some independence for yourself.

@chuckcem thank you for all of this. Strangely enough a bit of all parts a, b, and c seem to fit. Your insight has helped to put things into perspective for me as to where his mind may be at and how he thinks/feels.

He has just recently told me that he feels drained (which you mentioned in a) and as I probed for me info from him he wouldn't give me any.

I've seen hints of jealously from him in the past usually over other men (friends on social media) but once I started school he would make comments such as:

Are you going to forget about me?

You're smarter than I am.

You have the potential to do world travel, will you come back?

I had no idea where this was coming from or what even prompted him to say/think it. I reassure him that I'm not going anywhere without him and what I'm doing benefits us both in the long run.

Maybe he doesn't like my main focus not on him while I'm in school..

Posted by dixiebiscuit
@chuckcem thank you for all of this. Strangely enough a bit of all parts a, b, and c seem to fit. Your insight has helped to put things into perspective for me as to where his mind may be at and how he thinks/feels.

He has just recently told me that he feels drained (which you mentioned in a) and as I probed for me info from him he wouldn't give me any.

I've seen hints of jealously from him in the past usually over other men (friends on social media) but once I started school he would make comments such as:

Are you going to forget about me?

You're smarter than I am.

You have the potential to do world travel, will you come back?

I had no idea where this was coming from or what even prompted him to say/think it. I reassure him that I'm not going anywhere without him and what I'm doing benefits us both in the long run.

Maybe he doesn't like my main focus not on him while I'm in school..

Sounds like he has some insecurities to work through. By having you at home, he could keep you all to himself. Now that you are seeking some independence, he is afraid that he will lose you. The only thing you can do is let him know that having your own life will in no way infringe on your relationship. In fact it will better it because your situation will become less of a drain on him.

It also sounds like your two have been codependent in this relationship. You've already stated how the Aqua has supported you, but it also appears that he has been using your situation to potentially bolster his self esteem. Be mindful of this, since you may need to be firm about becoming more independent from him.

Yes, this is exactly my thought, also. It is another way of manifesting the needs an Aqua has for reassurance of not losing the one he loves. Unfortunately, it is not a healthy method. You need to discuss about it, but it will take him a very long time to assimilate the idea that you have no intentions of cutting him loose. Do you know anything about his past relationships? Did he have any tragic losses in his past?

I agree with youngali. Just ASK HIM. it could be something completely unknown that he is going through that has distance him from you.