Some advice from unbiased minds :-)

the efforts required

I'd like to say I'm quite unbiased, having my Mercury in Libra also I've been with my Aquarius bf for 3 years now. Aquarius' tend to desire space and alone time, they don't want it all the time, but they need their alone time to enjoy their thoughts. I do wonder if you know any more of his placements? Just out of curiosity because I've not experienced this attitude from my bf. Maybe your Aquarius wasn't fully ready for a relationship? Maybe he wants time to reflect on himself?

Thank you anxiousVirgo 24. I just know his venus is also in aquarius.
I believe he kind of felt fenced from time to time, even if there is really no need to feel like that. But he is is adamant about that, nothing can be changed except if he wants to bring the changes himself in his own time.
Several times, he said he needs to be absolutely sure, he cannot take risks and he hesitates to let his guard down but I thought with time, it would be ok.
Now that we are separated since almost a week, it's just a little hope that he will have time to sort out his stuff without any pressure. He might take months or he might as well never come but am positive without being optimistic.

What's your sun sign? Just curious. I think you already have this figured out, and sounds like you handled everything the right way by being patient. just remember you shouldn't be expected to wait around for someone forever.

sun sign Taurus with venus as aries and mercury as aries

I want to know her sun sign too, I like this girl...

I'm an unbiased aqua and your partner is a lot like me and my ex boyfriend is a lot like you, he and I believed a great relationship builds over time.

I still believe that too but the thing is that we are fixed in our ways and we can go cold if the relationship isn't progressing fast enough or if our partner gets on our nerves and doesn't give us enough space or even worse they don't respect our need for space, we do however get turned on by people who have strong will and can look after themselves after a relationship and do well in life, leAves us wondering if they were the ones to get away

In the cases of my exes it was the right choice lol

Thank you 11th sign for your input.
In our case, there was not really the question of not giving enough space. I think rather it was more like he was creating the distance and putting me to test to see my reactions at worst. I did understand for part of it, especially since he went though a divorce and a couple of relationships that turned sour but I was not the previous partners.

At times I didn't react, other times I let it go, but I never forgot I was also a human, and at times, I put him in his place, whether he liked it or not.

Other times, I felt he was like a naughty little peter pan trying to test and see reactions, not really understanding the impact of cruel words.

I think it's best I move forward, keeping a little hope but always forward. if he comes back with good intentions, supported by good actions, I can consider.

@Op -You know you are perfectly okay with letting this go by 3-5 mark. You guys have no kids, so it's time by this time line to evaluate your situation and life. It's okay to work out problems and it was okay in the beginning, now that phase is passed where you feel comfortable let loose, work out the problems so it seems you may be trying to keep it together. But don't be afraid to let it go, of being alone again or starting over if it's meant to be.

How much more can you possibly tell someone to change when in fact you see there is no change.

@Op -These issues you see in him now was there in the beginning though so why continue for much longer than necessary? Maybe hoping for change, but it's usually in a person right away withing a few months . By one year you should be either friends or moving in to still see if you are compatible, by 2-3 you should be able to adapt and compromise already the good and bad.

Even if you don't move in by 2 and you do this separately you still get to see each other behavior to even want to move in together in the first place. Or simple just be friends no more sex and let each other go as you're not compatible for long term marriage or kids if that was a plan.

You have to do what you need to now. So think about it before you really are miserable.

Thank you FirstDecan for your insight.
We do indeed have our differences and for years 2-3, of course I adjusted where I could. I did more than he did though.

We both wanted this to work out for the long term but I know deep down that he has something on his mind and heart or most probably in his subconscious that he can't communicate and he uses distance so that I don't get this out of him unless he's ready...which is not wrong but not necessarily fair.

Oh he's holding secrets you think?

I did suggest working it out but not when someone hold secrets hell no. And depending what it is you need to hear. You may never get it or may not want to find out. I mean if someone is hiding then that's iffy. And can't be trusted since open communication and honesty is a must. If not deal breaker.

Posted by simplegal2016
Thank you FirstDecan for your insight.
We do indeed have our differences and for years 2-3, of course I adjusted where I could. I did more than he did though.

that. you did more than he did - says it all.

let him go and appreciate the time you had and think positive about it and how it helps you to grow even more.

I think he might have another girl / looking for something "better". aquas get bored so quick and constantly wonder where the gras is greener and more freaky.

always trust your gut and not your desperate hopes that he loves you as much as you love him. trust your gut. there is something wrong and yes there is something on his mind and it's not you in his arms long term.

good luck!

Thank you scorp gal and aquanxtdoor for your different opinions but still good thoughts.
I've already let him go on the day he mentioned separation. Am not the kind of gal to have desperate hopes but I think well and don't jump to conclusions easily. I would also say that I think with my head but do feel with the heart.

@Firs decaen. It's not like a secret he's hiding but rather create a sort of mystery to rock my mind..:-)

you go girl!

you did the right thing by instantly letting him go. whatever the outcome will be, you showed dignity and selfrespect!

Good luck.

There's always something admirable when others say give the aqua some space. Why? because I wouldn't.

We can be stubborn, stubborn to the point we deny everything true about us even if it came from the mouth of someone we love. You're right it takes two to tango, we've seen it from your perspective but we haven't seen it from his.

You're right though, if you want this to work you may need to compromise. I'm a big believer in fostering a relationship but I'm also a big believer in not changing who I am, ever. Maybe that sense of security and aloofness fooled you at first? No one knows how tremendously emotional aquas can be and this so called 'dark side' we bleed just as much as any other sign because I tend to believe we know exactly how to tug at heartstrings that we keep it so well guarded.

3 years doesn't sound like a long time, not to me anyway. Does that make us a commitment phobe? no. Maybe he really honestly doesn't know what he wants from you yet but it seems like you've made up your mind and he now feels boxed in. Maybe he is a bit of an ass who just strung you along out of fear of being alone? There could be so many explanations and there's no point trying to work him out.

Right now, he ended the relationship, take it for what it is and keep enjoying life. Disregarding his actions, he needs to be more forward if he wants you back and he better have a pretty good explanation for it. I would not look back on anyone willing to end something that in their words was great, knowing their actions yet expect more.

If they can't work out what they want and lie to you, after being intimate for 3 years, where's the hope in that?

@Op - What's your favorite ice cream?

@first decaen - chocolate and coffee. May I know why? :-)
@ aquanoz - thanks for your version. Makes some sense. Do u know you are a little controversial yoursel in what you say, esp about the 3 years...so like my recent ex

Posted by simplegal2016
@first decaen - chocolate and coffee. May I know why? :-)
@ aquanoz - thanks for your version. Makes some sense. Do u know you are a little controversial yoursel in what you say, esp about the 3 years...so like my recent ex

The 3 years? Yeah I know, I can fully say I love her. I still do, we're still best friends. We didn't break it off til the 5 year mark and it wasn't me that broke it off either. 3 year mark really tested it for us, I gave it all I had before it was apparent we weren't meant to be.

I think it all boils down to accepting each other exactly as they are, not having to change for each other. Adjust, sure, but change, no. Neither you nor he should have to change who you are and you both should just accept who each other is. i think all any of us really want in a relationship is to be accepted and appreciated, both good and bad.

As for now, give him time to miss you.

Thank you truecap. I totally agree, adjust yes, change no.

Haha just curious..

I am a taurus too so u know, I know it may be hard to let go but not when there are secrets, with holding information that makes you think I am supposed to trust my bff and somehow I can't so many try to patch things up and so much the both of you can do.

Go do something fun and detach and whatever you learned from this, move on acknowledge it and become wise to what's needed in your life, what's acceptable.

@Op- Hm concerning Astrology Taurus and Aquarius are meant to be fwb or NSA or best friends...But as far as long as you have been together good for you..depending on what your guys charts are like well it helps you know more about a person traits..and compatibility issues. .

Go to cafe astrology natal chart and type in you and your bff birthday only and see what it says?

Posted by simplegal2016
sun sign Taurus with venus as aries and mercury as aries

Hehehe , why am I not surprised that you are a Taurus?only a taurus woman can stick around for this nonsense!

Anyhow, if you really love him , then be patient he will come around or he will not. Aquas are nice people who would hate to hurt your feelings, he seems like he does not want to continue anymore but he was just being nice all this other two years since u mentioned the 1 year was great.

Taurus woman can be too much for an Aqua , because of their controlling ways,pushy and sometimes the nagging!

Good luck!

Posted by Aquastic

Posted by simplegal2016
sun sign Taurus with venus as aries and mercury as aries

Hehehe , why am I not surprised that you are a Taurus?only a taurus woman can stick around for this nonsense!

Anyhow, if you really love him , then be patient he will come around or he will not. Aquas are nice people who would hate to hurt your feelings, he seems like he does not want to continue anymore but he was just being nice all this other two years since u mentioned the 1 year was great.

Taurus woman can be too much for an Aqua , because of their controlling ways,pushy and sometimes the nagging!

Good luck!

click to expand

Ignore this.

Depending on WHAT of Aqua he is, Earthy, Airy/Fire, or Watery, hes going to behave quite differently. Earthy Aquas are just as stubborn as Taurus' but come with extreme emoitonal detachment and practicality, it's really hard for them to connect to a feeling. Watery Aquas are the emo loners of our sign (sorry guys, but it's the truth). This is the Aqua that most people describe as "still waters run deep". Also the most emotionally invested and loyal of Aqua types. I usually lump Fire and Airy in the same boat because they don't behave differently from each other with the exception that fire aquas are a little more aggressive. But it's not a huge difference and the emotional detachment and intellectual empathy are present. This is the most common Aquas you run into. Socially graceful, funny, child-like in playtime, but with discussions that are meander the spectrum.

The most common issues with Aquas in general, is when the honeymoon phase is over and the conversations and mental stimulation start to revolve around the mundane. Aquas enjoy mental challenges within and without their relationships. We also don't want you to build a world around us or just around the home. We hyperventilate when we feel the walls closing in.

@aquastic - thanks for your comment but I must say that you are wrong in there when you generalise that taurus are controlling, pushy and nagging. That's definitely not me. In fact, I kind of find my ex pretty much controlling - kind of control freak.
But I do agree that he would not have hurt my feelings unintentionally but on the other side, am sure there must have been a little selfishness from his side.

@gennie. Thks for your reply. Fortunately I wear my mental cap at most times and I didn't tak the comment of aquatic personally coz I know how to make the difference.I do agree with the fact that he kinds of wanted to hyperventilate when HE FELT the walls closing. I was not closing the walls, but he kind of felt like that and adamant about it.

@FirstDecan - thanks for the info and advice. Much appreciated