Cancer Ex had a Blow Out, Will he talk to me again?

My Cancer ex, I guess he is an ex now, had a huge fight last Saturday. It was something petty. But he called me a really offensive term. I got so offended and I blew up. I was so mad. He tried to apologize but it was not sincere so I was not accepting. I was so frustrated. We have been fighting more than usual the last few months and I said that it's probably ok if we separated. He initially said no. But eventually he got mad and said he agrees with my decision.

The following day he sent me a link to a song via sms. I did not reply. He tried calling me. On the fourth call I answered. He said oh I forgot you left me. Then he reiterated that He agreed with my decision. He told me that no one would marry me, he's sorry for my future husband etc because I have an anger issue. I told him that my anger was a reaction to what he said. And he went off again on what an awful person I was. Then he had to go and he said he'll call me later.

I went home to my mom because I was so hurt. Then later in the day he sent me a picture of his basketball team. I did not reply. Then he tried calling me. I was not able to answer because I fell asleep and my phone was silent.

When I woke up, he unfriended me on fb. I tried calling him and he cancels my calls. He blocked me temporarily. He's still in my insta and snapchat though. Social media is a big deal for us because we are long distance.

I left him alone. But I was missing him so bad i sent him a text on the third day saying hey, i miss you. His reply was you left me and now you miss me—? With a bunch of sarcastic emoticons. I explained to hime that I said what I said because I was very emotional. And that i was sorry for how I handled things. His reply was wow. I told him that he has the capacity to make me very happy and sad because I value the things he say. And when he says something hurtful to me, it hurts a lot and I lash out. He never replied.

After 12 hours I sent him a voicemail telling him that I miss him and I want to fix things. And that I'm sorry for my part of the hurt. And that I hope he feels the same.



He hasn't replied. This is the fourth day that he refused to call me. And I don't want to push anymore because I already feel that I've been pushy.

Anyway. I need to get that off my chest. Any insight will be appreciated.

Yep he will come back. Just give him space. Disappear for a few days. He will crawl back... definitely by Sunday. Weekends cause anxiety. He can't handle that.

Whenever we fight, he was always the one who makes the first movs to reconcile. Merely hours after, he will call me back.

I'm worried because this is the first time he did this. Unfriended me and cut me cold for days.

He called me. Said he wanted to be friends. I said Ok because I didn't want to be pushy. And he said if that's what you want. And I told him that's not what I wanted but since it's what he asked for, I'll accept it. But what I really wanted was to move forward. Then he said, you wanted to move forward but you didn't call me?! Then he said I have stuff to do, just call me when you get home. I explained to him that it's him that I want but he was basically stonewalling me.

He told me to call him. I asked if he will answer, and if it's not too late and he's not sleeping he will.

I think he's still in attack mode. How do I handle this? 😢

Crabs... lol

Sounds like he is testing to see if you actually stick around, even through the bad times. They need to know that no matter what, you will always stay there. Telling him it was over, probably hurt him as much, if not more, than him calling you a name, to him.

Yeah. I think so too. I called when I get home like I said I would. But he didn't pick up. So I messaged him to say he's probably busy. After an hour or so, he replied and said he's doing his laundry. In a very succinct manner. I tried calling again, still no answer. So I just said, ok I'll let you be to do your chores. Let's talk next time you feel like it.

Honestly, I'm getting a little frustrated. But I feel like in our last fight, I touched a nerve that's why he's like this.

I'm just going to leave him alone tonight and go to sleep. And just wish him a good day tomorrow. I want us to be okay. He wants to be friends. I accepted it and he took umbrage to that. It's confusing and I'm very tired trying to figure out.

I believe he still loves me. Otherwise he will blow me off. I know when things are over people don't invest this much energy still being mad while still keeping in contact. Or I could be just overreaching in my analysis. Meh.

Thanks for all the responses. I really appreciate it.

He took umbrage to it, because in his female-like emotions, you should be fighting to be with him if you love him. lol

Seriously, they think that way. Well at least mine does. lol Trust that he is counting every single time you call, and text. If you miss one text, he will remember it. lol

I don't know how to deal lol. It's driving me nuts. When he called me earlier, I told him that all I wanted was for us to be ok. And that I want him. But he was like meh and wishy washy. Telling me both directly and indirectly that he doesn't want I want.

I nearly cried and was on the verge of nagging but I caught myself and just agreed to talk later.

Now, when I said to maybe talk some other time, he gave sent me a reply an hour later that he will call me in a bit. I'm kinda scared. It sounds ominous to me. Maybe this is the looming "talk" that he wants to end things permanently.

He is driving me crazy. And I'm an aquarian. Im usually emotionally detached.

Seriously, Cancers are almost as prone to revenge as Scorpios from what I have seen. He is punishing you for hurting his feelings.

So its up to you to keep dealing with his moodiness or not. They will retreat so fast when hurt, and from what I see, you hurt him significantly. Yes, he hurt you by calling you a name, and that's not right.

But look at it from his perspective. He called you a name, you blew up. He apologized, but the apology wasn't good enough for your standards. (This is just how he sees it, don't take offense) So then you break up with him. And then the next day you "ignore his calls" (you were asleep).

To him, you did 3-4 things wrong to his one. That's how he sees it.

He called me and said he wanted to be friends. I said no. He said he got in touch with his ex. Which he knows I hate because. I've always been insecure with his relationship with her.

I insisted that I dont want to be friends and he's insisting thats what he wants.

Right now he's sleeping with the call going. It's our habit. We live apart and we feel like we sleep together when we do this. He didn't hang up and now he's snoring in my ear.

Should I just accept his offer of friendship? I'm thinking I should and just go away so I can start moving on.

Im so hurt.

Posted by SupremeHrH
He called me and said he wanted to be friends. I said no. He said he got in touch with his ex. Which he knows I hate because. I've always been insecure with his relationship with her.

I insisted that I dont want to be friends and he's insisting thats what he wants.

Right now he's sleeping with the call going. It's our habit. We live apart and we feel like we sleep together when we do this. He didn't hang up and now he's snoring in my ear.

Should I just accept his offer of friendship? I'm thinking I should and just go away so I can start moving on.

Im so hurt.

He's lashing out heavily using everything you hate to hurt you as much as he perceives you hurt him. Actions speak louder than words to me. He is still doing everything that he did pre-break up. He is seriously seeing if you will walk away or not. So, it's up to you if you think you can ride out the storm or not.

I don't want to lose this guy. Should I accept the friendship offer or should I fight for a relationship? I don't know what's the best thing to do at this point. ?

Posted by SupremeHrH
I don't want to lose this guy. Should I accept the friendship offer or should I fight for a relationship? I don't know what's the best thing to do at this point. ?

I can only tell you what I did when I hit a rough patch in July with my Cancer. I fought, and I fought hard. And I am still here 5 months later.

That's good to hear. ☺️

Can you tell me what I should do? I mean, this js the first time I'm placed in this position. I don't even know how to begin.

I just told him I wasn't going anywhere, and then I showed that. Day after day, I told him what an amazing man he is, and how lucky I was to have him in my life. Sometimes I just called to see how he was doing. I always try and ask about his life, cause I want him to know I listen.

But Scorpios are a lot more intense when we do actually care, it just isn't often when we do. lol

I agree about Scorpios. My ex before the Crab was the most loving partner I had.

I'm curious. Did your Crab tell you to be friends? Because mine said he just wanted to be friends with benefits. ?

Wow; this sounds EXACTLY how my crab behaved when we fought. I can't handle this nastiness. And it's not even your fault, you said the first argument was about something petty,and then he called youa really offensive name and you blew up.... In my opinion HE should be apologising to you as he was out of line. But he's turned it all his way and i bet he probably doesn't even remember why you're actually fighting cos he will just be remembering that he's hurt for some reason. This is precisely what kept happening with my crab. We'd fight about something small, then he'd say something so nasty and insulting and offensive that I'd blow up and then he'd get all hurt and make the whole thing my fault. He said exactly the same things to me as yours has eg feels sorry for any man that's going to marry me, used all the sarcasm and emoji, literally everything your crab is doing is what happened to me.

Mine eventually decided he wanted to be with me (after a month of drama and endless tears on my part) but i ended it.i can't deal with the manipulation and nastiness. Good luck to you if you can. If this really is the same pattern as what my crab followed then yours will come back and i agree with the comments that he's testing you and you have to just keep showing that you are fighting for him.i agree also that he's mentally tallying the things you're doing wrong ie not calling enough etc cos mine did exactly this and brought it up later.

Good luck!

I've learned i can not handle crabs. This nasty manipulative, hurtful side to them i just find absolutely disgusting and unacceptable adult behavior.

Hey I hope you feel better and everything works out for you. It seems like this really affects you and I hate to see people hurt.

Hes just trying to hurt you, just let him calm down, he obviously loves you, don't overthink and be strong, next time he calls just be nice and if he starts venting and being nasty just say "Hey grumpy, you know I love you..right? All sweetly, and see what his reaction is, let him feel your tired of arguing, but you have to be sincere when telling him x

Thanks. He was pretty insistent with the friends with benefits thing and I won't do that with him.

I know what I want. I want him. But not in that way. I don't know what to do. I'm thinking of leaving him a voice mail saying I can't do what he wants and to find happiness with his ex whom he says he reconnected while not talking to me for 4 days.

Then I'll back off.

Posted by SupremeHrH
I agree about Scorpios. My ex before the Crab was the most loving partner I had.

I'm curious. Did your Crab tell you to be friends? Because mine said he just wanted to be friends with benefits. ?

Yea, he tried that line with me. His ex-wife tried to come back into the picture, and he got confused. Again, I am here, and she isn't. That probably has a lot more to do with me exposing her for the big fat, lying, cheating, person she was. lol I "investigate" people.

Lol. I sent him a message telling him that I hope his allergy is better. His reply was, No. but he nedds to work and for me to take care. In a very cold way.

Man. These men are hot/cold. I'm not worried about the ex. I think he's lying to me about that. She cheated on him when they were together and he tried to leave me for her once. He chose me ultimately. I know he's using her to get back at me becsuse he knows I feel insecure about her.

I want to show him consistency without compromising my self worth. I'm a great person. I think. Lol. And I deserve better. I don't know how to he there for him without giving in to what he wants because I am weak about him and he knows this. But if I disappear, I'm also scared that I'll lose him forever.

Ah. Whatever lol!

I never gave in to what mine wanted. Ever. I told him nope, I am not going to sleep with you cause I want you to respect me. The minute you fall in, the minute they will lose respect for you. Not gonna lie, it takes a long ass time though, for them to get out of that funk. lol

Lol damn. So should I just play it cool? Go out and date other people? Argh. ?

Yep go out and forget him. He will run back when u stop chasing him

Calling, begging and pleading with him for attention and he is the one that called you out your name? Wow...

Posted by Sagaussi
Wow; this sounds EXACTLY how my crab behaved when we fought. I can't handle this nastiness. And it's not even your fault, you said the first argument was about something petty,and then he called youa really offensive name and you blew up.... In my opinion HE should be apologising to you as he was out of line. But he's turned it all his way and i bet he probably doesn't even remember why you're actually fighting cos he will just be remembering that he's hurt for some reason. This is precisely what kept happening with my crab. We'd fight about something small, then he'd say something so nasty and insulting and offensive that I'd blow up and then he'd get all hurt and make the whole thing my fault. He said exactly the same things to me as yours has eg feels sorry for any man that's going to marry me, used all the sarcasm and emoji, literally everything your crab is doing is what happened to me.

Mine eventually decided he wanted to be with me (after a month of drama and endless tears on my part) but i ended it.i can't deal with the manipulation and nastiness. Good luck to you if you can. If this really is the same pattern as what my crab followed then yours will come back and i agree with the comments that he's testing you and you have to just keep showing that you are fighting for him.i agree also that he's mentally tallying the things you're doing wrong ie not calling enough etc cos mine did exactly this and brought it up later.

Good luck!

I've learned i can not handle crabs. This nasty manipulative, hurtful side to them i just find absolutely disgusting and unacceptable adult behavior.

I agree and good for you for your courage to put that behind you and not leave yourself in a position for someone to treat you like that - I also would hate it and walk away - too much drama, games, stress, etc. ... life is way to short for that crab crap!

Posted by SupremeHrH
Lol damn. So should I just play it cool? Go out and date other people? Argh. ?

yes please do and I know it will be hard at first but you both sound immature and not a good match - you deserve someone you can enjoy and be with and not having to "figure" out what the heck he wants or doesn't want, or hear them call you names, taunt you about exes, etc. that is not right, fair, loving, caring and a good relationship

you deserve better ...

Slooooowly coming into that realization. Lol. Leaving his ass. ☺️

I will say this, my Cancer would never call me out of my name.

Posted by SupremeHrH
Slooooowly coming into that realization. Lol. Leaving his ass. ☺️

well - don't be spiteful or do it out of spite or anything like revenge or "I'll show him" ... you have to know that this is the best decision you are making for you and for your life and for your future ...

believe me, I am ancient, and if only I knew way back what I know now ... my life would be "ENTIRELY" different !

I won't be spiteful. There are so many things that happened that in the last 2 months.

I just needed these 4 days to choose whats best for me. Thank you all!

Posted by nikkistar
I will say this, my Cancer would never call me out of my name.

Hey. I don't know if this is still relevant but my ex came back. After blocking him on every vehicle to contact me. He called me using a different number and apologized for everything.

He seemed genuinely sorry. And said that he did what he did to hurt me because I hurt him. You were right. He was lashing out big time.

I told him I would think about it. And he said he respects my decision. But he'll be waiting for me to take him back.

Posted by SupremeHrH

Posted by nikkistar
I will say this, my Cancer would never call me out of my name.

Hey. I don't know if this is still relevant but my ex came back. After blocking him on every vehicle to contact me. He called me using a different number and apologized for everything.

He seemed genuinely sorry. And said that he did what he did to hurt me because I hurt him. You were right. He was lashing out big time.

I told him I would think about it. And he said he respects my decision. But he'll be waiting for me to take him back.

click to expand

They do that.... They brood like crazy too.

They lash out harsh and then come back days or weeks later remorseful if you mean something to them genuinely.

Posted by nikkistar
They do that.... They brood like crazy too.

They lash out harsh and then come back days or weeks later remorseful if you mean something to them genuinely.

This is true.

Thanks for the input. I did not take him back right away. I need time for myself.

I think that we both have issues that we need to resolve and I know that we'll both be better people for it.

I kind of understand this part of him now. I never realized, in the 10 months that we have been together, that he is the more emotional of the two of us. I'm an Aqua and I can be pretty detached most of the time. The way he handles emotions are so very female. No offense meant. And because of that my unspoken expectations are not met. Which leades to hurt then anger.

I learned something about myself and him. And I'm looking at him with a much kinder outloook. I'm not ready to take him back. And my bounderies are firmly in place. But I accept who he is now and understanda why he's like that. He's not w bad person per se. That's just the way he is.

Really appreciate the feedback on this one. Thanks again!