Aries-Cancer Emotional Mismatch/Relationship Problems

I have been dating a Cancer man for about a month now (Aries Man Here). We really like each other and have similar interests. We have put our education and careers before anything else, so we are a little inexperienced in dating and intimacy.

We've been intimate and I have stayed over at his place several times. We both agree we are moving a little too fast, but also end up close. I have mentioned that I feel we need to build a relationship that is not just focused on intimacy. He agreed, but said intimacy is also a part of building a relationship.

The other day he wanted to mess around and I didn't. He got really upset and said he felt I didn't feel the same way he felt about me. I do not know how else to communicate that I really care about him and like him. When I say these things, he said sometimes he felt I was just saying that to make him happy (which is not true).

Please help.

You mentioned that “ we both agreed we are moving too fast, but also end up close.”. Yet, when you correctly point out this fact and dont want to have sex, he is the one who chooses to say that you are only pretending to care.

Does he really respect your wishes? If he gets so upset because you did not want to be physically intimate and blames it on you not having feelings then there is something wrong.

To give him the benefit of doubt ( maybe he has been physically rejected in previous relationships) I would suggest you talk to him openly on why he geta offended,if you dont want physical intimacy everytime espcecially when both have agreed to build on the relationship.

If he still continues the way he does then maybe you should acceot that you guys are not well matched in terms of what each wants. Being pressured in any situation is not good long term

He is a doctor. I am a law school (the semester just started, so I have a ton on my mind). He's four years older.

We both have never really been in a same-sex relationship (or any relationship). We have both only had sex with one other person. We are connected on so many levels, but I also feel we are running out of things to discuss, so we mess around.

My sign is full of fire, earth, and a little air. His is mainly water with a little earth. I definitely overanalyze. We both have dropped hints of long term (I really think it could work, and I want it to).

Both his and my parents do not know about our personal lives. I feel I am not communicating properly though.

So what's your problem, again? Why are you denying him sex all of a sudden?

If you want out of your arrangement because of other issues, do so and stop being passive aggressive.

Posted by alexscaries

Posted by newtothis

He is a doctor. I am a law school (the semester just started, so I have a ton on my mind). He's four years older.

We both have never really been in a same-sex relationship (or any relationship). We have both only had sex with one other person. We are connected on so many levels, but I also feel we are running out of things to discuss, so we mess around.

My sign is full of fire, earth, and a little air. His is mainly water with a little earth. I definitely overanalyze. We both have dropped hints of long term (I really think it could work, and I want it to).

Both his and my parents do not know about our personal lives. I feel I am not communicating properly though.

I think ultimately it is how you feel about him. I'm not sure what your relationship dynamic is. When I've been in relationships for whatever reason I am the care giver. I think it could be a struggle of you don't know where you fit. I've had it before were it felt like we were always competing for dominance. That was weird.

I wouldn't worry about the age gap or conversation. It's more important you feel comfortable around him.

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I am not worried about the age difference. I actually like it. He is more of the caretaker and cook. I am the cleaner and financial minded one.

Posted by Undine

So what's your problem, again? Why are you denying him sex all of a sudden?

If you want out of your arrangement because of other issues, do so and stop being passive aggressive.

I don't want to end our arrangement. I'm not trying to be passive aggressive. I felt we discussed and agreed to slow down sexually and to just be.

Posted by newtothis

Posted by Undine

So what's your problem, again? Why are you denying him sex all of a sudden?

If you want out of your arrangement because of other issues, do so and stop being passive aggressive.

I don't want to end our arrangement. I'm not trying to be passive aggressive. I felt we discussed and agreed to slow down sexually and to just be.

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"We are connected on so many levels, but I also feel we are running out of things to discuss, so we mess around."

You are talking as if sex is something a man takes part in, if there are no better options left, lol. Or if it's either, or...

The thing is, if you aspire to have a proper relationship, sex and other forms of intimacy will be the only activities that you do exclusively with him, and he with you. You could and should have discussions with your friends. This could be one way to find new topics to talk about with him, so you don't "run out".

If your libido is rather low for a man of your age, be honest with him (for example "I always felt like daily sex is exhausting physically and emotionally"), so he doesn't take it personally.

"I have mentioned that I feel we need to build a relationship that is not just focused on intimacy."

Why do you feel this way? Do you feel used sexually?

It could be incompatibility when one partner is more sexually active then the other. You guys can move fast on some things but not others, and who is the one choosing and for what reason.

Now he feels rejected. You should talk with him and figure out what why you want to slow down and what you're worried about.

He's a doctor, so he's probably working long hours and tired- and still wants to make time for intimacy- that you are denying him.

It's not always about sex, but intimacy style s are important in relationships.

Posted by bmoon8

Posted by newtothis

Posted by Undine

So what's your problem, again? Why are you denying him sex all of a sudden?

If you want out of your arrangement because of other issues, do so and stop being passive aggressive.

I don't want to end our arrangement. I'm not trying to be passive aggressive. I felt we discussed and agreed to slow down sexually and to just be.

Slow down sexually = stop having sex? I know men who will go out and cheat if sex is leveraged in a relationship like that.

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Yeah, that is not us.

Just do it. What if you end up being sexually incompatible? Then you’ve wasted time.

Posted by newtothis

I have been dating a Cancer man for about a month now (Aries Man Here). We really like each other and have similar interests. We have put our education and careers before anything else, so we are a little inexperienced in dating and intimacy.

We've been intimate and I have stayed over at his place several times. We both agree we are moving a little too fast, but also end up close. I have mentioned that I feel we need to build a relationship that is not just focused on intimacy. He agreed, but said intimacy is also a part of building a relationship.

The other day he wanted to mess around and I didn't. He got really upset and said he felt I didn't feel the same way he felt about me. I do not know how else to communicate that I really care about him and like him. When I say these things, he said sometimes he felt I was just saying that to make him happy (which is not true).

Please help.

It sounds like you’re attracted to the euphoria brought on by the physical intimacy, not his qualities. You have squared egos. Especially Aries and Cancer, let alone that they’re squares egos. Get out before you get more toxically attached, and have seriously confused emotional attachments. (Unless the rest of the chart has saving grace aspects, but this squared combo is one of thee hardest to salvage)

"I have mentioned that I feel we need to build a relationship that is not just focused on intimacy."

That's what a romantic relationship is about, intimacy. Intimacy is about feeling close with the person. Sex is one of the ways to get there.

Honestly I'd feel butt hurt too if my dude suddenly started withholding the D. I get that you want to connect with him in other ways then just sex. But to remove sex completely from the equation feels like rejection.

If your just not into connecting physically with him anymore THAT IS OK. But you should be honest and cut him loose so he can connect with someone who is on the same wave length when it comes to physical intimacy.

Posted by MikeNYNYC

Posted by newtothis

I have been dating a Cancer man for about a month now (Aries Man Here). We really like each other and have similar interests. We have put our education and careers before anything else, so we are a little inexperienced in dating and intimacy.

We've been intimate and I have stayed over at his place several times. We both agree we are moving a little too fast, but also end up close. I have mentioned that I feel we need to build a relationship that is not just focused on intimacy. He agreed, but said intimacy is also a part of building a relationship.

The other day he wanted to mess around and I didn't. He got really upset and said he felt I didn't feel the same way he felt about me. I do not know how else to communicate that I really care about him and like him. When I say these things, he said sometimes he felt I was just saying that to make him happy (which is not true).

Please help.

It sounds like you’re attracted to the euphoria brought on by the physical intimacy, not his qualities. You have squared egos. Especially Aries and Cancer, let alone that they’re squares egos. Get out before you get more toxically attached, and have seriously confused emotional attachments. (Unless the rest of the chart has saving grace aspects, but this squared combo is one of thee hardest to salvage)

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What do you mean by squared egos?

Btw, we are doing great! Still strong and we are really happy with each other!

Posted by newtothis

Posted by MikeNYNYC

Posted by newtothis

I have been dating a Cancer man for about a month now (Aries Man Here). We really like each other and have similar interests. We have put our education and careers before anything else, so we are a little inexperienced in dating and intimacy.

We've been intimate and I have stayed over at his place several times. We both agree we are moving a little too fast, but also end up close. I have mentioned that I feel we need to build a relationship that is not just focused on intimacy. He agreed, but said intimacy is also a part of building a relationship.

The other day he wanted to mess around and I didn't. He got really upset and said he felt I didn't feel the same way he felt about me. I do not know how else to communicate that I really care about him and like him. When I say these things, he said sometimes he felt I was just saying that to make him happy (which is not true).

Please help.

It sounds like you’re attracted to the euphoria brought on by the physical intimacy, not his qualities. You have squared egos. Especially Aries and Cancer, let alone that they’re squares egos. Get out before you get more toxically attached, and have seriously confused emotional attachments. (Unless the rest of the chart has saving grace aspects, but this squared combo is one of thee hardest to salvage)

What do you mean by squared egos?

Btw, we are doing great! Still strong and we are really happy with each other!

click to expand

In astrology, your sun sign is your ego. Everyone has one. It’s not schoolyard talk like, “oh, he has an ego, stay away from him.” Your ego is what you aspire towards; what you need to feel esteemed.

Every four signs in either direction is a perfectly relatable ego to Aries (other fire signs) Sextile signs, two signs over, will be your best growth match; common ground plus compatible features you and the other lack personally but help develop in each other. However, three signs over, is considered square; rough edges. *you’re what’s called the same ‘’mode”; you and cancer happen to both be cardinal signs. You both will probably want to be “the chef in the kitchen,” if that makes sense. Adding to that is you are both poles apart in approach, comfort zone and livelihood.

Mine: (born March 25) I am from U.S.

Sun- Aries

Moon- Libra

Mercury- Aries

Venus- Aries

Mars- Virgo

Jupiter- Aquarius

Saturn- Aries

Uranus- Aquarius

Neptune- Capricorn

Pluto-Sagittarius

Lilith- Virgo

N Node- Virgo

Him: (born June 23) He from China

Sun- Cancer

Moon- Pisces

Mercury- Cancer

Venus- Cancer

Mars- Taurus

Jupiter- Virgo

Saturn- Aquarius

Neptune- Capricorn

Uranus- Capricorn

Pluto- Scorpio

Lilith- Aquarius

N Node- Capricorn