Cancer gf moving out but staying together..

We've been dating for almost a year and moved in together last March due to COVID-19, but she wanted her own space since we live in a studio. She kept on telling me that nothing at the apt felt like hers but there was nothing I could do because I was getting the studio was just for me and she was going to live with her friends, she changed her mine last minute to live with me.

Everything was going well and we have similar living style s up until 4 months ago her anxiety was getting worse so she wanted to sublet a place before we can get a two bedroom to move in together after my lease ends. She was getting more and more stressed about jobs and college, I supported her and suggested that she should get a therapist. She finally got a therapist 2 months ago, but still wanted to move out.

At first I got insecure and scared that she just wanted to move away and then break up. I just felt like the relationship was moving backwards so I got upset and didn't want her to leave, I realized this after a month that I was being selfish and apologized and told her I supported her. During that month we kept arguing about her moving and how I'm just worried it won't work out. Yesterday she was saying that she wasn't sure about living together after my lease ends right now and that she's scared of getting hurt again because of the things I said when we argued. She told me she still loves me but wants to focus on her mental health and needs to process things.

She just moved out today, what should I do? Should I wait for her or should I just move on?

Have you been dated for almost one year, but she moved into your studio in March 2020, which is more than a year ago?!

What is your situation now? Broken up? On a hiatus? Reverted to dating and living apart?

Also, what did you say to her that she feels hurt?

Posted by Undine

Have you been dated for almost one year, but she moved into your studio in March 2020, which is more than a year ago?!

What is your situation now? Broken up? On a hiatus? Reverted to dating and living apart?

Also, what did you say to her that she feels hurt?

We were in the talking stage in Jan 2020 and then my college dorm housing kicked me out so she offered to house me at her apt during Mid-march-end of March. I didn't want to stay at her apt for long so I looked for a sublet and she decided to move with me and she sublet her old apartment to my old roommate that was in need of a place. I didn't ask her to be my girlfriend while we were living together until May, I was overthinking and didn't want her to feel pressured into saying yes just because we lived together. Also, she's polyamorous and I'm monogamous so I didn't want her to stop seeing people just because of me but then we agreed to be monogamous.

Last week we settled with our disagreement and she said that she wanted to live with me but was scared of getting hurt again and I told her that she doesn't have to if she doesn't want to and that she could break up with me if she doesn't feel comfortable around me. I think she feels hurt by what I say to her sometimes, I tried asking her specific things but she won't say. I think it's because of her anxiety when I say something and try to just say what I'm thinking she can take it personally. Yesterday before she moved she said she still loves me and she wanted to keep trying but doesn't know when she'll feel comfortable around me again. But I felt like for the past week she's just been getting more distant from me, so I'm not sure if waiting it out will just lead to a break-up. I already feel empty and like it's the end when she left this morning, I haven't talked to her since, I don't want to lose her just unsure of how to proceed.

Just get a new gf dude

Posted by SassyKiwi

Just get a new gf dude

Yeah, I know.. it's just hard because I care about her so much

Cancers are famous for their exits almost as much as their returns. I've had both Cancer men and women walk away from me, and they ALWAYS came back. Just in time for me to boot them back out the door from whence they came. Very satisfying! So, live your life - let her go. She'll come back and then YOU get to decide what you want. 🙂

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by SassyKiwi

Just get a new gf dude

Yeah, I know.. it's just hard because I care about her so much

click to expand

It depends on your motivation for a relationship as well, short term fulfillment or seeking someone for long term. If it’s the latter and you don’t see yourself with her in 5 years then that should answer things.

Posted by geminiflyby

Cancers are famous for their exits almost as much as their returns. I've had both Cancer men and women walk away from me, and they ALWAYS came back. Just in time for me to boot them back out the door from whence they came. Very satisfying! So, live your life - let her go. She'll come back and then YOU get to decide what you want. 🙂

True, just didn't want too much time to pass and for her to move on because I know that once they move on the emotional connection will never be the same again. But you're right I should live my life and just give her space.

Posted by LiterallyStalinG

You are extremely insecure.

I know it's something that I'm trying to work on, I just haven't loved someone like as much before so it's a little overwhelming for me

So she has an apartment, but rented it out to some friend and went to share a studio with a relative stranger who she met only a couple of months earlier.

She was polyamorous, but decided to be exclusive during the pandemic. Tolerates the guy’s behaviour, but somehow gets hurt by him and needs therapy. Moves out, but still talks to the guy and claims to love him.

Should the guy move on?

How about you start dating her for a change? Maybe once a week? Is she even interested? If she’s not, move on.

Posted by LiterallyStalinG

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by LiterallyStalinG

You are extremely insecure.

I know it's something that I'm trying to work on, I just haven't loved someone like as much before so it's a little overwhelming for me

You have to face the negative emotions. Just with a person you really can trust and look at them as a challenge to conquer.

Nobodies perfect but the moment you stop trying to be the best version of yourself for the sake of staying comfortable and not dealing with the demons, then you've lost.

Take a couple of days to just stay away from her and free your mind from any thoughts of the situation. Go on a weekend trip and come Monday you'll know what you need to do better than any of us can suggest. You know you better than anyone else.

The good and bad, but you've got to meet both of them homie. The better you know yourself, the more ridiculous these intense feelings seem. Don't let them control you. Take the break. Let them pan out without focusing so much energy on it.

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Thank you dude! Planning on going away with my dogs for the day tomorrow and just reflecting on the relationship.

Posted by Undine

So she has an apartment, but rented it out to some friend and went to share a studio with a relative stranger who she met only a couple of months earlier.

She was polyamorous, but decided to be exclusive during the pandemic. Tolerates the guy’s behaviour, but somehow gets hurt by him and needs therapy. Moves out, but still talks to the guy and claims to love him.

Should the guy move on?

How about you start dating her for a change? Maybe once a week? Is she even interested? If she’s not, move on.

Yeah it's contradicting right? I'm equally confused I told her yesterday that I might start seeing other people because I don't know if I can wait for her because I've been waiting for so long when she was distancing herself for the past 4 months. But then she got upset at that too so honestly feel kind of trapped.

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

So she has an apartment, but rented it out to some friend and went to share a studio with a relative stranger who she met only a couple of months earlier.

She was polyamorous, but decided to be exclusive during the pandemic. Tolerates the guy’s behaviour, but somehow gets hurt by him and needs therapy. Moves out, but still talks to the guy and claims to love him.

Should the guy move on?

How about you start dating her for a change? Maybe once a week? Is she even interested? If she’s not, move on.

Yeah it's contradicting right? I'm equally confused I told her yesterday that I might start seeing other people because I don't know if I can wait for her because I've been waiting for so long when she was distancing herself for the past 4 months. But then she got upset at that too so honestly feel kind of trapped.

click to expand

You are contradictory as well. She just moved out of your studio, so how was she distancing 4 months ago?

Ppl put too much on living together. Its not necessary to make a relationship work. Let her have her space. It can be overwhelming living with a person. You never said how long yall were together. Feels like you moved too fast.



Im kinda like her. Im not doing the move in together thing again because of what I went thru. Hell I went from having a family to rock bottom just like that. Its bit for everybody. And be careful what you say when angry because you cant take it back. Dont crowd her. Let her have her space because it can be harsh living with a lover.

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

So she has an apartment, but rented it out to some friend and went to share a studio with a relative stranger who she met only a couple of months earlier.

She was polyamorous, but decided to be exclusive during the pandemic. Tolerates the guy’s behaviour, but somehow gets hurt by him and needs therapy. Moves out, but still talks to the guy and claims to love him.

Should the guy move on?

How about you start dating her for a change? Maybe once a week? Is she even interested? If she’s not, move on.

Yeah it's contradicting right? I'm equally confused I told her yesterday that I might start seeing other people because I don't know if I can wait for her because I've been waiting for so long when she was distancing herself for the past 4 months. But then she got upset at that too so honestly feel kind of trapped.

You are contradictory as well. She just moved out of your studio, so how was she distancing 4 months ago?

click to expand

I meant mentally distancing, when her anxiety got worse while living with she pulled back from the relationship and stopped putting as much effort as before. We weren't being physically intimate as well for those 4 months because she wasn't feeling it, she would still want to cuddle though.

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

So she has an apartment, but rented it out to some friend and went to share a studio with a relative stranger who she met only a couple of months earlier.

She was polyamorous, but decided to be exclusive during the pandemic. Tolerates the guy’s behaviour, but somehow gets hurt by him and needs therapy. Moves out, but still talks to the guy and claims to love him.

Should the guy move on?

How about you start dating her for a change? Maybe once a week? Is she even interested? If she’s not, move on.

Yeah it's contradicting right? I'm equally confused I told her yesterday that I might start seeing other people because I don't know if I can wait for her because I've been waiting for so long when she was distancing herself for the past 4 months. But then she got upset at that too so honestly feel kind of trapped.

You are contradictory as well. She just moved out of your studio, so how was she distancing 4 months ago?

I meant mentally distancing, when her anxiety got worse while living with she pulled back from the relationship and stopped putting as much effort as before. We weren't being physically intimate as well for those 4 months because she wasn't feeling it, she would still want to cuddle though.

click to expand

I see. She clearly struggled, and most likely not because of you. Many people had psychological issues during the pandemic. Even working or studying from home has caused problems. She had to share the same room with you (and your dogs?!) for a year. Was it 24/7? It’s really far more difficult than it sounds.

Are you a Cap? Have you been criticising her for trivial things? If so, you didn’t make her situation any easier. Relationships are build for the future, not just for here and now. They need patience and tolerance. You can’t put someone under pressure to commit to something, especially when they are struggling. What are you in a hurry for?

It could be that your relationship is done for good. Or it may be salvageable, but certainly not by giving ultimatums. If you think your patience has run off though, by all means, go and date someone else.

She doesn’t need a therapist. She just needs her own space.

You don’t understand cancer women.

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

So she has an apartment, but rented it out to some friend and went to share a studio with a relative stranger who she met only a couple of months earlier.

She was polyamorous, but decided to be exclusive during the pandemic. Tolerates the guy’s behaviour, but somehow gets hurt by him and needs therapy. Moves out, but still talks to the guy and claims to love him.

Should the guy move on?

How about you start dating her for a change? Maybe once a week? Is she even interested? If she’s not, move on.

Yeah it's contradicting right? I'm equally confused I told her yesterday that I might start seeing other people because I don't know if I can wait for her because I've been waiting for so long when she was distancing herself for the past 4 months. But then she got upset at that too so honestly feel kind of trapped.

You are contradictory as well. She just moved out of your studio, so how was she distancing 4 months ago?

I meant mentally distancing, when her anxiety got worse while living with she pulled back from the relationship and stopped putting as much effort as before. We weren't being physically intimate as well for those 4 months because she wasn't feeling it, she would still want to cuddle though.

I see. She clearly struggled, and most likely not because of you. Many people had psychological issues during the pandemic. Even working or studying from home has caused problems. She had to share the same room with you (and your dogs?!) for a year. Was it 24/7? It’s really far more difficult than it sounds.

Are you a Cap? Have you been criticising her for trivial things? If so, you didn’t make her situation any easier. Relationships are build for the future, not just for here and now. They need patience and tolerance. You can’t put someone under pressure to commit to something, especially when they are struggling. What are you in a hurry for?

It could be that your relationship is done for good. Or it may be salvageable, but certainly not by giving ultimatums. If you think your patience has run off though, by all means, go and date someone else.

click to expand

I understand that and told her that I wanted to support her and tried to just be there for her during those 4 months, I wasn't home 50% of the time because I was had to go to work after October 2020. I know that I might've put pressure on her recently because of her decision to move which is what hurt her. How do I show her that I can be patient? I just get impulsive sometimes and now I realize that I should've taken more time to process and put less pressure on her. I wasn't trying to hurry before I just felt like her trying to leave was a way to break up with me without confronting me due to her distancing. I just didn't think that she was that into the relationship anymore. Update: she just texted me tonight asking about how my plans went, how can I reassure her that I won't hurt her again?

Posted by Moloko_vellocet

She doesn’t need a therapist. She just needs her own space.

You don’t understand cancer women.

She told me that she needed both, do you think that she would come back because she has her own space now? Should I wait for her to initiate plans with me?

Posted by Dreamy88

Everything sounds pretty bad to me. Especially the four months of no intimacy. I just get the odd feeling that she's either afraid of you or afraid to break up with you directly.

Yeah, that's why I got nervous when she wanted to move because I thought she was afraid to break up with me directly, even though I said that I would be fine with it and would understand.

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

So she has an apartment, but rented it out to some friend and went to share a studio with a relative stranger who she met only a couple of months earlier.

She was polyamorous, but decided to be exclusive during the pandemic. Tolerates the guy’s behaviour, but somehow gets hurt by him and needs therapy. Moves out, but still talks to the guy and claims to love him.

Should the guy move on?

How about you start dating her for a change? Maybe once a week? Is she even interested? If she’s not, move on.

Yeah it's contradicting right? I'm equally confused I told her yesterday that I might start seeing other people because I don't know if I can wait for her because I've been waiting for so long when she was distancing herself for the past 4 months. But then she got upset at that too so honestly feel kind of trapped.

You are contradictory as well. She just moved out of your studio, so how was she distancing 4 months ago?

I meant mentally distancing, when her anxiety got worse while living with she pulled back from the relationship and stopped putting as much effort as before. We weren't being physically intimate as well for those 4 months because she wasn't feeling it, she would still want to cuddle though.

I see. She clearly struggled, and most likely not because of you. Many people had psychological issues during the pandemic. Even working or studying from home has caused problems. She had to share the same room with you (and your dogs?!) for a year. Was it 24/7? It’s really far more difficult than it sounds.

Are you a Cap? Have you been criticising her for trivial things? If so, you didn’t make her situation any easier. Relationships are build for the future, not just for here and now. They need patience and tolerance. You can’t put someone under pressure to commit to something, especially when they are struggling. What are you in a hurry for?

It could be that your relationship is done for good. Or it may be salvageable, but certainly not by giving ultimatums. If you think your patience has run off though, by all means, go and date someone else.

I understand that and told her that I wanted to support her and tried to just be there for her during those 4 months, I wasn't home 50% of the time because I was had to go to work after October 2020. I know that I might've put pressure on her recently because of her decision to move which is what hurt her. How do I show her that I can be patient? I just get impulsive sometimes and now I realize that I should've taken more time to process and put less pressure on her. I wasn't trying to hurry before I just felt like her trying to leave was a way to break up with me without confronting me due to her distancing. I just didn't think that she was that into the relationship anymore. Update: she just texted me tonight asking about how my plans went, how can I reassure her that I won't hurt her again?

click to expand

You see, she didn’t give up on you! Your relationship needs a fresh start, a proper dating start. Keep in touch reliably and ask her out on a date. Try not to press for sex too soon. Or for anything, really. Show your affection in other ways, like looking at her often and always when you talk to each other, holding hands, flirting with her, making her feel loved and relaxed in your presence.

If you come to talk about what went wrong, listen to her and try to put yourself in her shoes. One of the most hurtful things that happened to me in a relationship with a Cap, was being accused of undermining the relationship with my elusive behaviour and “punished”, when in reality I was doing the best I could for it, at that time. Relationships are at their best when we leave them to evolve naturally, not try to control them and bully the other one into submission.

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Moloko_vellocet

She doesn’t need a therapist. She just needs her own space.

You don’t understand cancer women.

She told me that she needed both, do you think that she would come back because she has her own space now? Should I wait for her to initiate plans with me?

click to expand

If you told her she needs to see a therapist - I don’t see her coming back.

If she does, she will have a guard up.

Posted by Moloko_vellocet

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Moloko_vellocet

She doesn’t need a therapist. She just needs her own space.

You don’t understand cancer women.

She told me that she needed both, do you think that she would come back because she has her own space now? Should I wait for her to initiate plans with me?

If you told her she needs to see a therapist - I don’t see her coming back.

If she does, she will have a guard up.

click to expand

She told me that she needed it

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

So she has an apartment, but rented it out to some friend and went to share a studio with a relative stranger who she met only a couple of months earlier.

She was polyamorous, but decided to be exclusive during the pandemic. Tolerates the guy’s behaviour, but somehow gets hurt by him and needs therapy. Moves out, but still talks to the guy and claims to love him.

Should the guy move on?

How about you start dating her for a change? Maybe once a week? Is she even interested? If she’s not, move on.

Yeah it's contradicting right? I'm equally confused I told her yesterday that I might start seeing other people because I don't know if I can wait for her because I've been waiting for so long when she was distancing herself for the past 4 months. But then she got upset at that too so honestly feel kind of trapped.

You are contradictory as well. She just moved out of your studio, so how was she distancing 4 months ago?

I meant mentally distancing, when her anxiety got worse while living with she pulled back from the relationship and stopped putting as much effort as before. We weren't being physically intimate as well for those 4 months because she wasn't feeling it, she would still want to cuddle though.

I see. She clearly struggled, and most likely not because of you. Many people had psychological issues during the pandemic. Even working or studying from home has caused problems. She had to share the same room with you (and your dogs?!) for a year. Was it 24/7? It’s really far more difficult than it sounds.

Are you a Cap? Have you been criticising her for trivial things? If so, you didn’t make her situation any easier. Relationships are build for the future, not just for here and now. They need patience and tolerance. You can’t put someone under pressure to commit to something, especially when they are struggling. What are you in a hurry for?

It could be that your relationship is done for good. Or it may be salvageable, but certainly not by giving ultimatums. If you think your patience has run off though, by all means, go and date someone else.

I understand that and told her that I wanted to support her and tried to just be there for her during those 4 months, I wasn't home 50% of the time because I was had to go to work after October 2020. I know that I might've put pressure on her recently because of her decision to move which is what hurt her. How do I show her that I can be patient? I just get impulsive sometimes and now I realize that I should've taken more time to process and put less pressure on her. I wasn't trying to hurry before I just felt like her trying to leave was a way to break up with me without confronting me due to her distancing. I just didn't think that she was that into the relationship anymore. Update: she just texted me tonight asking about how my plans went, how can I reassure her that I won't hurt her again?

You see, she didn’t give up on you! Your relationship needs a fresh start, a proper dating start. Keep in touch reliably and ask her out on a date. Try not to press for sex too soon. Or for anything, really. Show your affection in other ways, like looking at her often and always when you talk to each other, holding hands, flirting with her, making her feel loved and relaxed in your presence.

If you come to talk about what went wrong, listen to her and try to put yourself in her shoes. One of the most hurtful things that happened to me in a relationship with a Cap, was being accused of undermining the relationship with my elusive behaviour and “punished”, when in reality I was doing the best I could for it, at that time. Relationships are at their best when we leave them to evolve naturally, not try to control them and bully the other one into submission.

click to expand

Thank you for your insight, I will proceed slowly and just give her time and space to come around again 🙂 She said that she forgot some things at the apartment and wanted to come back on Sunday, but she still had keys so I'm not sure why she asked me when I'll be back at my apartment. Usually, Sunday is our "together day" every week where we spend the whole day being present and with each other. When I asked her two days ago if she wanted to still spend Sunday together she said she needs space, do you think that this is her way of asking to spend time together.. or am I overthinking?

This relationship sounds like textbook BPD ones.

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

So she has an apartment, but rented it out to some friend and went to share a studio with a relative stranger who she met only a couple of months earlier.

She was polyamorous, but decided to be exclusive during the pandemic. Tolerates the guy’s behaviour, but somehow gets hurt by him and needs therapy. Moves out, but still talks to the guy and claims to love him.

Should the guy move on?

How about you start dating her for a change? Maybe once a week? Is she even interested? If she’s not, move on.

Yeah it's contradicting right? I'm equally confused I told her yesterday that I might start seeing other people because I don't know if I can wait for her because I've been waiting for so long when she was distancing herself for the past 4 months. But then she got upset at that too so honestly feel kind of trapped.

You are contradictory as well. She just moved out of your studio, so how was she distancing 4 months ago?

I meant mentally distancing, when her anxiety got worse while living with she pulled back from the relationship and stopped putting as much effort as before. We weren't being physically intimate as well for those 4 months because she wasn't feeling it, she would still want to cuddle though.

I see. She clearly struggled, and most likely not because of you. Many people had psychological issues during the pandemic. Even working or studying from home has caused problems. She had to share the same room with you (and your dogs?!) for a year. Was it 24/7? It’s really far more difficult than it sounds.

Are you a Cap? Have you been criticising her for trivial things? If so, you didn’t make her situation any easier. Relationships are build for the future, not just for here and now. They need patience and tolerance. You can’t put someone under pressure to commit to something, especially when they are struggling. What are you in a hurry for?

It could be that your relationship is done for good. Or it may be salvageable, but certainly not by giving ultimatums. If you think your patience has run off though, by all means, go and date someone else.

I understand that and told her that I wanted to support her and tried to just be there for her during those 4 months, I wasn't home 50% of the time because I was had to go to work after October 2020. I know that I might've put pressure on her recently because of her decision to move which is what hurt her. How do I show her that I can be patient? I just get impulsive sometimes and now I realize that I should've taken more time to process and put less pressure on her. I wasn't trying to hurry before I just felt like her trying to leave was a way to break up with me without confronting me due to her distancing. I just didn't think that she was that into the relationship anymore. Update: she just texted me tonight asking about how my plans went, how can I reassure her that I won't hurt her again?

You see, she didn’t give up on you! Your relationship needs a fresh start, a proper dating start. Keep in touch reliably and ask her out on a date. Try not to press for sex too soon. Or for anything, really. Show your affection in other ways, like looking at her often and always when you talk to each other, holding hands, flirting with her, making her feel loved and relaxed in your presence.

If you come to talk about what went wrong, listen to her and try to put yourself in her shoes. One of the most hurtful things that happened to me in a relationship with a Cap, was being accused of undermining the relationship with my elusive behaviour and “punished”, when in reality I was doing the best I could for it, at that time. Relationships are at their best when we leave them to evolve naturally, not try to control them and bully the other one into submission.

Thank you for your insight, I will proceed slowly and just give her time and space to come around again 🙂 She said that she forgot some things at the apartment and wanted to come back on Sunday, but she still had keys so I'm not sure why she asked me when I'll be back at my apartment. Usually, Sunday is our "together day" every week where we spend the whole day being present and with each other. When I asked her two days ago if she wanted to still spend Sunday together she said she needs space, do you think that this is her way of asking to spend time together.. or am I overthinking?

click to expand

Or maybe she tries to avoid you, lol. Did you find out when she’s coming? Make yourself a hot drink, so you don’t follow her around, and offer her a cup. If she accepts, you’ll have time for a chat, at least.

If you are a Capricorn, and she is a Cancer, I can assure you, this is a very difficult pairing. It can potentially work in the long run, but it requires A LOT of patience and maturity. If she is a young Cancer, it's likely she's highly overwhelmed by your personality. I have major experience with the Capricorn/Cancer relationship, although admittedly from the male Cancer perspective, which changes things to a degree. Being perfectly honest, if you were living together, and she requested space, it's pretty unlikely she's coming back anytime soon. She no doubt knows you're in love with her, and she doesn't want to hurt you. The idea of needing "space" was a way to gracefully exit, without being perfectly direct.

I can probably add more as time goes on, and I get a better picture of all that has transpired over your time together. If you want to give me your birthdates, I would love to do a reading on compatibility, and analyze it in detail. I'm sure you can get a better picture from that type of reading. Just try not to think too much, and do things to keep yourself occupied. I know this is a difficult time for you, so just take it a day at a time.

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

So she has an apartment, but rented it out to some friend and went to share a studio with a relative stranger who she met only a couple of months earlier.

She was polyamorous, but decided to be exclusive during the pandemic. Tolerates the guy’s behaviour, but somehow gets hurt by him and needs therapy. Moves out, but still talks to the guy and claims to love him.

Should the guy move on?

How about you start dating her for a change? Maybe once a week? Is she even interested? If she’s not, move on.

Yeah it's contradicting right? I'm equally confused I told her yesterday that I might start seeing other people because I don't know if I can wait for her because I've been waiting for so long when she was distancing herself for the past 4 months. But then she got upset at that too so honestly feel kind of trapped.

You are contradictory as well. She just moved out of your studio, so how was she distancing 4 months ago?

I meant mentally distancing, when her anxiety got worse while living with she pulled back from the relationship and stopped putting as much effort as before. We weren't being physically intimate as well for those 4 months because she wasn't feeling it, she would still want to cuddle though.

I see. She clearly struggled, and most likely not because of you. Many people had psychological issues during the pandemic. Even working or studying from home has caused problems. She had to share the same room with you (and your dogs?!) for a year. Was it 24/7? It’s really far more difficult than it sounds.

Are you a Cap? Have you been criticising her for trivial things? If so, you didn’t make her situation any easier. Relationships are build for the future, not just for here and now. They need patience and tolerance. You can’t put someone under pressure to commit to something, especially when they are struggling. What are you in a hurry for?

It could be that your relationship is done for good. Or it may be salvageable, but certainly not by giving ultimatums. If you think your patience has run off though, by all means, go and date someone else.

I understand that and told her that I wanted to support her and tried to just be there for her during those 4 months, I wasn't home 50% of the time because I was had to go to work after October 2020. I know that I might've put pressure on her recently because of her decision to move which is what hurt her. How do I show her that I can be patient? I just get impulsive sometimes and now I realize that I should've taken more time to process and put less pressure on her. I wasn't trying to hurry before I just felt like her trying to leave was a way to break up with me without confronting me due to her distancing. I just didn't think that she was that into the relationship anymore. Update: she just texted me tonight asking about how my plans went, how can I reassure her that I won't hurt her again?

You see, she didn’t give up on you! Your relationship needs a fresh start, a proper dating start. Keep in touch reliably and ask her out on a date. Try not to press for sex too soon. Or for anything, really. Show your affection in other ways, like looking at her often and always when you talk to each other, holding hands, flirting with her, making her feel loved and relaxed in your presence.

If you come to talk about what went wrong, listen to her and try to put yourself in her shoes. One of the most hurtful things that happened to me in a relationship with a Cap, was being accused of undermining the relationship with my elusive behaviour and “punished”, when in reality I was doing the best I could for it, at that time. Relationships are at their best when we leave them to evolve naturally, not try to control them and bully the other one into submission.

Thank you for your insight, I will proceed slowly and just give her time and space to come around again 🙂 She said that she forgot some things at the apartment and wanted to come back on Sunday, but she still had keys so I'm not sure why she asked me when I'll be back at my apartment. Usually, Sunday is our "together day" every week where we spend the whole day being present and with each other. When I asked her two days ago if she wanted to still spend Sunday together she said she needs space, do you think that this is her way of asking to spend time together.. or am I overthinking?

Or maybe she tries to avoid you, lol. Did you find out when she’s coming? Make yourself a hot drink, so you don’t follow her around, and offer her a cup. If she accepts, you’ll have time for a chat, at least.

click to expand

Yeah, that's the other thought I had.. I will ask her. Thank you for the tip, I'll give that a try if I end up running into her.

Posted by Logger

If you are a Capricorn, and she is a Cancer, I can assure you, this is a very difficult pairing. It can potentially work in the long run, but it requires A LOT of patience and maturity. If she is a young Cancer, it's likely she's highly overwhelmed by your personality. I have major experience with the Capricorn/Cancer relationship, although admittedly from the male Cancer perspective, which changes things to a degree. Being perfectly honest, if you were living together, and she requested space, it's pretty unlikely she's coming back anytime soon. She no doubt knows you're in love with her, and she doesn't want to hurt you. The idea of needing "space" was a way to gracefully exit, without being perfectly direct.

I can probably add more as time goes on, and I get a better picture of all that has transpired over your time together. If you want to give me your birthdates, I would love to do a reading on compatibility, and analyze it in detail. I'm sure you can get a better picture from that type of reading. Just try not to think too much, and do things to keep yourself occupied. I know this is a difficult time for you, so just take it a day at a time.

Thank you I can message you the info.

This is the LOVE COMPATIBILITY analysis. An overall score of -658, is not good. I'm dealing with that now, and it isn't fun - but I'm pretty stuck. You don't have to be, and likely won't be, at least not with her.

I can go in to the birth chart compatibility too, but it won't be much different, IMO.



-323 Opposition Sun - Sun

Challenging aspect: A lot of energy may be wasted on having to explain yourselves to each other. Misunderstandings can be frequent and draining.

Certainly, there can be enough conflict to ruin a whole day. If at first the relationship is charming and agreeable, it can become rather disharmonious with time if either or both don't show enough respect for one another's life choices. If one of you does not make an effort, or does not find a compromise, it can be a difficult relationship. This aspect puts strain on the connection, but if the rest of the analysis is mostly positive, the added stress can be stimulating.

-195 Square Mercury - Mars

Challenging aspect: They can interrupt each other often. Problems can arise when one or the other finds their partner too blunt or too critical. When involved in a conversation, they can compete for the microphone. Conversations can be very lively, but may often escalate into arguments.

-131 Square Venus - Jupiter

Challenging aspect: A life together that can be very challenging at times on an intellectual level, with possible intellectual misunderstandings, diametrically opposed tastes, and different ideas. This shouldn't be too difficult in an otherwise strong relationship, however, particularly if the people involved aim to learn from differences or "agree to disagree".

71 Trine Venus - Mars

Positive aspect: This is a union that is particularly based on physical understanding, passionate love. There is a lot of affection between them, and they need to express it physically. Plenty of attraction here.

-67 Square Mars - Neptune

Challenging aspect: It's too easy for this relationship to end up becoming manipulative and frustrating. You may find that you have a hard time accomplishing much on a practical level when you are together, because you tend to enjoy spending leisure time together. A difficult union that can succeed, but could involve some distancing and dishonesty. Be very careful to be honest with each other, as deceptions have a way of coming to the light and great disappointments are possible as a result.

60 Trine Sun - Saturn

Positive aspect: Here is a couple you can call stable. They will lead their life together quietly, with friendship slowly replacing love. Saturn will dominate the Sun - as is only natural - but the Sun might find this difficult to accept. In any case, as the Sun likes to feel secure, Saturn is a perfect partner.

-58 Square Venus - Pluto

Challenging aspect: A very strong passion but destructive at times. Jealousy, possessiveness, and resentment are very possible. If the relationship ends, it is difficult to remain friends, as one person feels burned.

49 Sextile Saturn - Lunar node

Positive aspect: Favorable union, will help to achieve their ambitions.



46 Trine Jupiter - Neptune

Positive/Supportive aspect: A potential union. This is unlikely to be a defining factor in compatibility, so you need to look at the other aspects. This is a supportive aspect.

-42 Opposition Mercury - Neptune

Challenging aspect: This relationship can somehow encourage illusions and the disappointments that follow. These two people can have a hard time understanding each other and if they insist on living together, the little deceptions or lies can add up and undermine the relationship. It's important to be clear and to clear up misconceptions.

1/08/2001 Aspect 07/13/1999 Value

Sun Opposition Sun 2.37 -323

Sun Trine Saturn 2.59 60

Venus Trine Mars 2.01 71

Venus Square Pluto 2.58 -58

Venus Square Lilith 0.55 -90

Mars Square Mercury 0.10 -195

Jupiter Square Venus 1.05 -131

Jupiter Trine Neptune 1.39 46

Jupiter Opposition Lilith 2.33 -38

Uranus Conjunction Uranus 3.16 67

Neptune Opposition Mercury 3.51 -42

Neptune Square Mars 2.30 -67

Neptune Conjunction Neptune 2.18 69

Neptune Sextile Lilith 1.24 31

Pluto Sextile Uranus 1.48 29

Pluto Trine N Node 0.55 37

Lilith Square Mars 1.47 -70

Lilith Square Jupiter 2.42 -52

Lilith Conjunction Neptune 1.35 67

Lilith Sextile Lilith 0.41 36

N Node Sextile Saturn 0.09 49

I ASC Square Sun 1.17 -179

X MC Trine Saturn 1.24 25

587 -1245 -658

Posted by Logger

This is the LOVE COMPATIBILITY analysis. An overall score of -658, is not good. I'm dealing with that now, and it isn't fun - but I'm pretty stuck. You don't have to be, and likely won't be, at least not with her.

I can go in to the birth chart compatibility too, but it won't be much different, IMO.



-323 Opposition Sun - Sun

Challenging aspect: A lot of energy may be wasted on having to explain yourselves to each other. Misunderstandings can be frequent and draining.

Certainly, there can be enough conflict to ruin a whole day. If at first the relationship is charming and agreeable, it can become rather disharmonious with time if either or both don't show enough respect for one another's life choices. If one of you does not make an effort, or does not find a compromise, it can be a difficult relationship. This aspect puts strain on the connection, but if the rest of the analysis is mostly positive, the added stress can be stimulating.

-195 Square Mercury - Mars

Challenging aspect: They can interrupt each other often. Problems can arise when one or the other finds their partner too blunt or too critical. When involved in a conversation, they can compete for the microphone. Conversations can be very lively, but may often escalate into arguments.

-131 Square Venus - Jupiter

Challenging aspect: A life together that can be very challenging at times on an intellectual level, with possible intellectual misunderstandings, diametrically opposed tastes, and different ideas. This shouldn't be too difficult in an otherwise strong relationship, however, particularly if the people involved aim to learn from differences or "agree to disagree".

71 Trine Venus - Mars

Positive aspect: This is a union that is particularly based on physical understanding, passionate love. There is a lot of affection between them, and they need to express it physically. Plenty of attraction here.

-67 Square Mars - Neptune

Challenging aspect: It's too easy for this relationship to end up becoming manipulative and frustrating. You may find that you have a hard time accomplishing much on a practical level when you are together, because you tend to enjoy spending leisure time together. A difficult union that can succeed, but could involve some distancing and dishonesty. Be very careful to be honest with each other, as deceptions have a way of coming to the light and great disappointments are possible as a result.

60 Trine Sun - Saturn

Positive aspect: Here is a couple you can call stable. They will lead their life together quietly, with friendship slowly replacing love. Saturn will dominate the Sun - as is only natural - but the Sun might find this difficult to accept. In any case, as the Sun likes to feel secure, Saturn is a perfect partner.

-58 Square Venus - Pluto

Challenging aspect: A very strong passion but destructive at times. Jealousy, possessiveness, and resentment are very possible. If the relationship ends, it is difficult to remain friends, as one person feels burned.

49 Sextile Saturn - Lunar node

Positive aspect: Favorable union, will help to achieve their ambitions.



46 Trine Jupiter - Neptune

Positive/Supportive aspect: A potential union. This is unlikely to be a defining factor in compatibility, so you need to look at the other aspects. This is a supportive aspect.

-42 Opposition Mercury - Neptune

Challenging aspect: This relationship can somehow encourage illusions and the disappointments that follow. These two people can have a hard time understanding each other and if they insist on living together, the little deceptions or lies can add up and undermine the relationship. It's important to be clear and to clear up misconceptions.

1/08/2001 Aspect 07/13/1999 Value

Sun Opposition Sun 2.37 -323

Sun Trine Saturn 2.59 60

Venus Trine Mars 2.01 71

Venus Square Pluto 2.58 -58

Venus Square Lilith 0.55 -90

Mars Square Mercury 0.10 -195

Jupiter Square Venus 1.05 -131

Jupiter Trine Neptune 1.39 46

Jupiter Opposition Lilith 2.33 -38

Uranus Conjunction Uranus 3.16 67

Neptune Opposition Mercury 3.51 -42

Neptune Square Mars 2.30 -67

Neptune Conjunction Neptune 2.18 69

Neptune Sextile Lilith 1.24 31

Pluto Sextile Uranus 1.48 29

Pluto Trine N Node 0.55 37

Lilith Square Mars 1.47 -70

Lilith Square Jupiter 2.42 -52

Lilith Conjunction Neptune 1.35 67

Lilith Sextile Lilith 0.41 36

N Node Sextile Saturn 0.09 49

I ASC Square Sun 1.17 -179

X MC Trine Saturn 1.24 25

587 -1245 -658

I see, thanks for your insight. I will see how things go and just play it by ear at this point because I know I can't control the situation.

I honestly wouldn't recommend ppl living together in the first few years of a relationship... if ever unless you plan on getting married to the person. She is right to move out, not sure why she moved in in the first place other then the whole covid-cuffing season which I think was like when ppl cuff during the holidays and winter months. Now that things have calmed down ppl want to get back to normal and that includes dating more.

If she is poly and you're not then that just presents another problem to your relationship. It doesn't work unless you are both poly and even then it's not easy.

You're in college so why tie yourself down to one person? This is the time to date as many ppl as you can and find out what you like and don't like.

If you didn't break up officially then not sure why you are asking if you should contact her or not since she moved out. I don't get that unless I missed something. That just seems like an odd question to me.

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

So she has an apartment, but rented it out to some friend and went to share a studio with a relative stranger who she met only a couple of months earlier.

She was polyamorous, but decided to be exclusive during the pandemic. Tolerates the guy’s behaviour, but somehow gets hurt by him and needs therapy. Moves out, but still talks to the guy and claims to love him.

Should the guy move on?

How about you start dating her for a change? Maybe once a week? Is she even interested? If she’s not, move on.

Yeah it's contradicting right? I'm equally confused I told her yesterday that I might start seeing other people because I don't know if I can wait for her because I've been waiting for so long when she was distancing herself for the past 4 months. But then she got upset at that too so honestly feel kind of trapped.

You are contradictory as well. She just moved out of your studio, so how was she distancing 4 months ago?

I meant mentally distancing, when her anxiety got worse while living with she pulled back from the relationship and stopped putting as much effort as before. We weren't being physically intimate as well for those 4 months because she wasn't feeling it, she would still want to cuddle though.

I see. She clearly struggled, and most likely not because of you. Many people had psychological issues during the pandemic. Even working or studying from home has caused problems. She had to share the same room with you (and your dogs?!) for a year. Was it 24/7? It’s really far more difficult than it sounds.

Are you a Cap? Have you been criticising her for trivial things? If so, you didn’t make her situation any easier. Relationships are build for the future, not just for here and now. They need patience and tolerance. You can’t put someone under pressure to commit to something, especially when they are struggling. What are you in a hurry for?

It could be that your relationship is done for good. Or it may be salvageable, but certainly not by giving ultimatums. If you think your patience has run off though, by all means, go and date someone else.

I understand that and told her that I wanted to support her and tried to just be there for her during those 4 months, I wasn't home 50% of the time because I was had to go to work after October 2020. I know that I might've put pressure on her recently because of her decision to move which is what hurt her. How do I show her that I can be patient? I just get impulsive sometimes and now I realize that I should've taken more time to process and put less pressure on her. I wasn't trying to hurry before I just felt like her trying to leave was a way to break up with me without confronting me due to her distancing. I just didn't think that she was that into the relationship anymore. Update: she just texted me tonight asking about how my plans went, how can I reassure her that I won't hurt her again?

You see, she didn’t give up on you! Your relationship needs a fresh start, a proper dating start. Keep in touch reliably and ask her out on a date. Try not to press for sex too soon. Or for anything, really. Show your affection in other ways, like looking at her often and always when you talk to each other, holding hands, flirting with her, making her feel loved and relaxed in your presence.

If you come to talk about what went wrong, listen to her and try to put yourself in her shoes. One of the most hurtful things that happened to me in a relationship with a Cap, was being accused of undermining the relationship with my elusive behaviour and “punished”, when in reality I was doing the best I could for it, at that time. Relationships are at their best when we leave them to evolve naturally, not try to control them and bully the other one into submission.

click to expand

people who say Virgo is critical have never been with a Capricorn

how were you punished besides the criticisms? Cold shoulder? No contact?

it's hard to even make them apologize when they've hurt your feelings or convince them they've said and done anything wrong in the first place

Posted by virgoOPPP

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

Posted by corny-capri

Posted by Undine

So she has an apartment, but rented it out to some friend and went to share a studio with a relative stranger who she met only a couple of months earlier.

She was polyamorous, but decided to be exclusive during the pandemic. Tolerates the guy’s behaviour, but somehow gets hurt by him and needs therapy. Moves out, but still talks to the guy and claims to love him.

Should the guy move on?

How about you start dating her for a change? Maybe once a week? Is she even interested? If she’s not, move on.

Yeah it's contradicting right? I'm equally confused I told her yesterday that I might start seeing other people because I don't know if I can wait for her because I've been waiting for so long when she was distancing herself for the past 4 months. But then she got upset at that too so honestly feel kind of trapped.

You are contradictory as well. She just moved out of your studio, so how was she distancing 4 months ago?

I meant mentally distancing, when her anxiety got worse while living with she pulled back from the relationship and stopped putting as much effort as before. We weren't being physically intimate as well for those 4 months because she wasn't feeling it, she would still want to cuddle though.

I see. She clearly struggled, and most likely not because of you. Many people had psychological issues during the pandemic. Even working or studying from home has caused problems. She had to share the same room with you (and your dogs?!) for a year. Was it 24/7? It’s really far more difficult than it sounds.

Are you a Cap? Have you been criticising her for trivial things? If so, you didn’t make her situation any easier. Relationships are build for the future, not just for here and now. They need patience and tolerance. You can’t put someone under pressure to commit to something, especially when they are struggling. What are you in a hurry for?

It could be that your relationship is done for good. Or it may be salvageable, but certainly not by giving ultimatums. If you think your patience has run off though, by all means, go and date someone else.

I understand that and told her that I wanted to support her and tried to just be there for her during those 4 months, I wasn't home 50% of the time because I was had to go to work after October 2020. I know that I might've put pressure on her recently because of her decision to move which is what hurt her. How do I show her that I can be patient? I just get impulsive sometimes and now I realize that I should've taken more time to process and put less pressure on her. I wasn't trying to hurry before I just felt like her trying to leave was a way to break up with me without confronting me due to her distancing. I just didn't think that she was that into the relationship anymore. Update: she just texted me tonight asking about how my plans went, how can I reassure her that I won't hurt her again?

You see, she didn’t give up on you! Your relationship needs a fresh start, a proper dating start. Keep in touch reliably and ask her out on a date. Try not to press for sex too soon. Or for anything, really. Show your affection in other ways, like looking at her often and always when you talk to each other, holding hands, flirting with her, making her feel loved and relaxed in your presence.

If you come to talk about what went wrong, listen to her and try to put yourself in her shoes. One of the most hurtful things that happened to me in a relationship with a Cap, was being accused of undermining the relationship with my elusive behaviour and “punished”, when in reality I was doing the best I could for it, at that time. Relationships are at their best when we leave them to evolve naturally, not try to control them and bully the other one into submission.

people who say Virgo is critical have never been with a Capricorn

how were you punished besides the criticisms? Cold shoulder? No contact?

it's hard to even make them apologize when they've hurt your feelings or convince them they've said and done anything wrong in the first place

click to expand

Punishment is done by people lacking empathy, and high on the narcissistic scale. It’s very different from normal people’s criticism.