Serious Cancer question.. (I'm new here)

I have been with him for 6 years, last year we separated for 6 months, he apruptly left without saying anything really or giving any warning (although we're we're constantly having issues back n forth with the way he conducts himself on social media) .. He goes into his silence spells (typical) and then one day, he just stopped talking to me and that was it.. He came back after checking my social media first (I guess to see if it's okay to come back and talk to me b4 initiating a text). We have been communicating ever since then and seemingly back together, but he keeps blowing HOT & COLD.. One minute he wants to be sweet, the next minute I do not get any responses from him and get one or two word messages. I ask him if there is something wrong and he tells me "no". This is super annoying and stressful because I KNOW how Cancers can be, but even my patience and understanding has it's limitations. Especially after the way we broke up last year, abruptly. So, I just want to know from some male Cancers, exactly how do I best handle this behavior at this point without saying eff it and just walking away in silence and never to return. I do love the hell out of him, but this blowing hot & cold thing with lack of communication is really annoying.



He is a 1st decan Cancer

Cap moon

Gemini Venus

Virgo Mars

Libra rising sun



if that helps any.

He's going through something that needs to be addressed. Be kind with him and try to talk it out. Ask questions. Start communication with some warmth and sincerity. I know virgo can be emotionless and cold outside. Inside is a different story. Better get on the ball with this one. He's planning to leave you. Good luck

Don't forget about that cap moon. That's a big part of his cold and distant demeanour . You think virgo is guarded? Capricorn moon is a very difficult placement.

Posted by Bloodsugarsexmagic
He's going through something that needs to be addressed. Be kind with him and try to talk it out. Ask questions. Start communication with some warmth and sincerity. I know virgo can be emotionless and cold outside. Inside is a different story. Better get on the ball with this one. He's planning to leave you. Good luck

Hello BloodSugarSexMagic.

I'm far from cold and emotionless with him.

I am only that way if I do not like you.

I do try to talk to him, but he isn't responsive to what I'm asking him, which is the problem.

I am asking him if everything is okay & once I do that he shuts down.. If he is planning on leaving AGAIN then why not just say so and go?

Why even bother being indirect about it?

I'm big on communication & that is where we struggle constantly..

BettyBoobz- something is obviously holding him back as far as opening up to you. There could be something personal going on and he can't tell you. Are you guys still intimate? Cause if a cancer stops having sex with you , it's bad.

Posted by Bloodsugarsexmagic
BettyBoobz- something is obviously holding him back as far as opening up to you. There could be something personal going on and he can't tell you. Are you guys still intimate? Cause if a cancer stops having sex with you , it's bad.

Yes, we're still intimate .. Yea, I know it's real bad (no matter what the issue is) if a CANCER stops being intimate with you as their s/o... Yea I figured it was something going on that doesn't have anything to do with me, since I know FOR A FACT I did nothing wrong..

However the issue is, how do I deal with the withdrawal/ blowing hot & cold without losing my patience? We've been together for a long time, but I won't lie when I say I STILL do not know how to properly handle that characteristic... It's his trademark regardless of what he is going through.. He internalizes everything and either prays or mediates about things instead of speaking out loud about it.. I can't be psychic and know what's wrong & Cancers always want you to KNOW, without them speaking. ?

He's in love with u, but he wishes he wasn't

Posted by pinkbird03
He's in love with u, but he wishes he wasn't

What the .... ?!

Why would he wish that .. ?

Posted by BettyBoobz

Posted by pinkbird03
He's in love with u, but he wishes he wasn't

What the .... ?!

Why would he wish that .. ?

click to expand

I had the same thought as pinkbird.

Your response to that shows another potential issue: If you want to be with a crab don't expect to be able to rationalize their feelings or behavior.

From your first post it seems like you struggled with something that you disliked about him. (The way he presented himself on social media.) virgos are very judgmental and cancers hate being judged/criticized. So there could be a friction that might still weigh on your relationship and keeps holding him back. The hot and cold might come from resent (for being judged) on his end.

Try to find out for yourself if you're ready and equipped to handle this situation, or if you'd better step away from it before the two of you hurt each other more.

Posted by peo

Posted by BettyBoobz

Posted by pinkbird03
He's in love with u, but he wishes he wasn't

What the .... ?!

Why would he wish that .. ?

I had the same thought as pinkbird.

Your response to that shows another potential issue: If you want to be with a crab don't expect to be able to rationalize their feelings or behavior.

From your first post it seems like you struggled with something that you disliked about him. (The way he presented himself on social media.) virgos are very judgmental and cancers hate being judged/criticized. So there could be a friction that might still weigh on your relationship and keeps holding him back. The hot and cold might come from resent (for being judged) on his end.

Try to find out for yourself if your ready abd equipped to handle this situation, or if you'd better step away from it before the two of you hurt each other more.

click to expand

Hi Peo ?

We've been together for 6 years...

My question is really, how do I even begin to deal with "The Cancer" antics.. When I say antics I mean the crabby tendencies. I know why we broke up before without much words being said & we have discussed it after getting back together. What I am trying to grasp is the crab crap.. You say I can't rationalize with the feelings or behavior, but as adults you do have to be able to understand certain things to properly deal with them.. I deal with logic, so my question here to YOU as a crab, can you help me understand the way you guys move & why? When you love someone? Could you elaborate on that for me, hun? Because his love isn't a question, I KNOW he loves me & is IN love with me.

How old are you both Hun ? I'm sorry he is hurting you,it's a roller coaster, you may or may not know I've been with my cancer man 16 years, I'll talk to him for you when he comes in ok xx

Posted by MaxPower
Why was he gone for six months?

I wouldn't violate his privacy, but what I will say is he was going through personal financial/emotional issues (besides our disagreements we had at the time), yet lurked every day secretly on my social media to watch me without ever saying a word..

Posted by BettyBoobz

Posted by pinkbird03
He's in love with u, but he wishes he wasn't

What the .... ?!

Why would he wish that .. ?

click to expand

It's hard for us cancers to let go of someone even if we know we should

Posted by piscespoppy
How old are you both Hun ? I'm sorry he is hurting you,it's a roller coaster, you may or may not know I've been with my cancer man 16 years, I'll talk to him for you when he comes in ok xx

@piscespoppy hey Thankyou

We are both 34 years old.

I've learned it's a part of their characteristics, but it's just overwhelming at times and besides that he is SUPER sweet! He's my little pudding pie lol

Posted by pinkbird03

Posted by BettyBoobz

Posted by pinkbird03
He's in love with u, but he wishes he wasn't

What the .... ?!

Why would he wish that .. ?

It's hard for us cancers to let go of someone even if we know we should

click to expand

Yes, I have heard that before.

But honestly, I'm REALLY REALLY great to him.. I'm understanding and patient more than I am with anything or anyone. Which is why I am here now trying to get understanding before I lose it.

And if I decide to do that, it will hurt him also as well as me.

Posted by BettyBoobz

Posted by peo

Posted by BettyBoobz

Posted by pinkbird03
He's in love with u, but he wishes he wasn't

What the .... ?!

Why would he wish that .. ?

I had the same thought as pinkbird.

Your response to that shows another potential issue: If you want to be with a crab don't expect to be able to rationalize their feelings or behavior.

From your first post it seems like you struggled with something that you disliked about him. (The way he presented himself on social media.) virgos are very judgmental and cancers hate being judged/criticized. So there could be a friction that might still weigh on your relationship and keeps holding him back. The hot and cold might come from resent (for being judged) on his end.

Try to find out for yourself if your ready abd equipped to handle this situation, or if you'd better step away from it before the two of you hurt each other more.

Hi Peo ?

We've been together for 6 years...

My question is really, how do I even begin to deal with "The Cancer" antics.. When I say antics I mean the crabby tendencies. I know why we broke up before without much words being said & we have discussed it after getting back together. What I am trying to grasp is the crab crap.. You say I can't rationalize with the feelings or behavior, but as adults you do have to be able to understand certain things to properly deal with them.. I deal with logic, so my question here to YOU as a crab, can you help me understand the way you guys move & why? When you love someone? Could you elaborate on that for me, hun? Because his love isn't a question, I KNOW he loves me & is IN love with me.

click to expand

I think the keyword is empathy when it comes to dealing and understanding.

Everyone loves differently. It seems like he's working through a lot. When I (personally) shut the world out to tend to my wounds and heal, I unfortunately also shut out the people I love. The love doesn't change, I just lack the energy to express it. I know my father (cancer) is very similar.

Hubby says give him some space, let him go in his shell to sort out whatever it is bothering him, let him know you love him and will not contact him until he contacts you, ( don't worry he will) ok xx

I basically used to do the same tbh but I would go to my mums and ignore him, by day 3 he was usually on the phone asking me to come home x start as you mean to go on Hun, just give him space and do yourself for a few days, be strong you'll be fine, hubby says he doesn't have the emotional capacity to care about anything but his problem while he's trying to sort it out, but he still loves the people he loves x

When he feels he has sorted the problem he will be his sweet self again, but don't try to talk about it unless he wants to ok xx

Posted by MaxPower

Posted by piscespoppy
Hubby says give him some space, let him go in his shell to sort out whatever it is bothering him, let him know you love him and will not contact him until he contacts you, ( don't worry he will) ok xx

I basically used to do the same tbh but I would go to my mums and ignore him, by day 3 he was usually on the phone asking me to come home x start as you mean to go on Hun, just give him space and do yourself for a few days, be strong you'll be fine, hubby says he doesn't have the emotional capacity to care about anything but his problem while he's trying to sort it out, but he still loves the people he loves x

When he feels he has sorted the problem he will be his sweet self again, but don't try to talk about it unless he wants to ok xx

Does Hubby leave for six months with no notice and watch you online while refusing to speak to you?

Stop giving this girl false hope.

click to expand

I respect your point of view obviously but I just asked my husband who is a cancer and has done this a few times during our 16 actually 17 years together, so I am simply posting his response.

And no , he has never left me for 6 months, but obviously there was a reason the posters cancer came back to her so I'm just trying to give her advice how I see it, they are not teenagers but my husband took a long time to emotionally mature so I'm just trying help her through this or not, it's up to her ultimately if she takes the advice or not, we are all human and will all do only what we want to ultimately anyway, so she can take my advice or leave it, as can anyone else I respond to x

Posted by MaxPower

Posted by piscespoppy

Posted by MaxPower

Posted by piscespoppy
Hubby says give him some space, let him go in his shell to sort out whatever it is bothering him, let him know you love him and will not contact him until he contacts you, ( don't worry he will) ok xx

I basically used to do the same tbh but I would go to my mums and ignore him, by day 3 he was usually on the phone asking me to come home x start as you mean to go on Hun, just give him space and do yourself for a few days, be strong you'll be fine, hubby says he doesn't have the emotional capacity to care about anything but his problem while he's trying to sort it out, but he still loves the people he loves x

When he feels he has sorted the problem he will be his sweet self again, but don't try to talk about it unless he wants to ok xx

Does Hubby leave for six months with no notice and watch you online while refusing to speak to you?

Stop giving this girl false hope.

I respect your point of view obviously but I just asked my husband who is a cancer and has done this a few times during our 16 actually 17 years together, so I am simply posting his response.

And no , he has never left me for 6 months, but obviously there was a reason the posters cancer came back to her so I'm just trying to give her advice how I see it, they are not teenagers but my husband took a long time to emotionally mature so I'm just trying help her through this or not, it's up to her ultimately if she takes the advice or not, we are all human and will all do only what we want to ultimately anyway, so she can take my advice or leave it, as can anyone else I respond to x

Yes, but you're married to a Cancer, and you're talking to someone who has hopes of something similar with a man who doesn't include her in his life except when it's convenient for him. He also doesn't show the care for her feelings that your husband shows you by _telling_ you he needs space.

click to expand

I respect your input however, you are being extremely negative and also making a lot of assumptions. First off we're engaged, 2nd I never said anything about him never including me in his life except when it's convenient for him.. I am speaking on something particular, I never not once anywhere here made a statement saying any of these things you just assumed...

But thankyou for your input. ?

Posted by piscespoppy
Hubby says give him some space, let him go in his shell to sort out whatever it is bothering him, let him know you love him and will not contact him until he contacts you, ( don't worry he will) ok xx

I basically used to do the same tbh but I would go to my mums and ignore him, by day 3 he was usually on the phone asking me to come home x start as you mean to go on Hun, just give him space and do yourself for a few days, be strong you'll be fine, hubby says he doesn't have the emotional capacity to care about anything but his problem while he's trying to sort it out, but he still loves the people he loves x

When he feels he has sorted the problem he will be his sweet self again, but don't try to talk about it unless he wants to ok xx

This definitely sounds like him and especially when the raking a long time to emotionally mature thing you referenced. I will say he is WAY better than he was 6 years ago. I had to show him it was okay to love and be receptive to it because he has always been with females who weren't that great to him. It took a while to get here where we are today, which is why I stumbled upon this forum I figured I'd take a stab @ asking strangers how do they deal with Cancers & the hold/cold withdrawal spells they OFTEN fall into with those closest to them. Something about you & your husband's words sounds like an older more matured version of us. I'm 6 years in and you 17 so I absolutely respect your words and input. ❤️

This is what I started doing to deal with it, just wanted to see if there was anyone with any better or different ideas when it comes to handling those pincers lol. You & the other person here seemed spot on. Tell your husband thankyou for his input also. ?

I'm referring to the six months when he was going through some financial or whatever difficulties, and he ghosted you.

It wasn't convenient to let you know what was going on. It was convenient to put you on ice, watch you from afar (which is creepy, dear), and get back to you later. He knew you would be waiting.

If you posted this question in the Scorpio or Sagittarius forum everyone would be telling you he's been fucking another woman while he's gone. They're only not saying that because you posted in the Cancer forum.

What is his moon placement? Where are his Venus and Mars?



I tuned in seeing that he had a Cap Moon but geez, he doesn't make any sense to me. How can anyone treat or be treated like that. I can't deal with that. Either you are in or you are not. I don't do well in the gray areas of no mans land. That is selfish no matter how you look at it.

Posted by tcta

I'm referring to the six months when he was going through some financial or whatever difficulties, and he ghosted you.

It wasn't convenient to let you know what was going on. It was convenient to put you on ice, watch you from afar (which is creepy, dear), and get back to you later. He knew you would be waiting.

If you posted this question in the Scorpio or Sagittarius forum everyone would be telling you he's been fucking another woman while he's gone. They're only not saying that because you posted in the Cancer forum.

What is his moon placement? Where are his Venus and Mars?



I tuned in seeing that he had a Cap Moon but geez, he doesn't make any sense to me. How can anyone treat or be treated like that. I can't deal with that. Either you are in or you are not. I don't do well in the gray areas of no mans land. That is selfish no matter how you look at it.





@tcta

Moon: Cap

Rising Sun: Libra

Venus: Gemini

Mars: Virgo



The thing this I didn't really ask what anyone thought he was doing for the 6 months lol...

I actually don't care what he was doing in that because we weren't together. So whatever he did or what I did for that matter, in time of separation has really nothing to do with what I was seeking opinion on... And I wasn't waiting on him so you also jist made some assumptions.. He watched me because that's what Cancers do, they observe.. Creepy or not, it's what they all do when they have a vested interest in someone or something. But yes, we got back together, but without giving long drawn out harsh details I will say by NO MEANS was I "waiting" on him.

Let's not assume here please, thankyou.

I have the details of what I'm trying to comprehend right now, not what he did while he was gone lol. That's not my business hun, we were not together.

Posted by MaxPower

Posted by BettyBoobz

Posted by MaxPower

Posted by piscespoppy

Posted by MaxPower

Posted by piscespoppy
Hubby says give him some space, let him go in his shell to sort out whatever it is bothering him, let him know you love him and will not contact him until he contacts you, ( don't worry he will) ok xx

I basically used to do the same tbh but I would go to my mums and ignore him, by day 3 he was usually on the phone asking me to come home x start as you mean to go on Hun, just give him space and do yourself for a few days, be strong you'll be fine, hubby says he doesn't have the emotional capacity to care about anything but his problem while he's trying to sort it out, but he still loves the people he loves x

When he feels he has sorted the problem he will be his sweet self again, but don't try to talk about it unless he wants to ok xx

Does Hubby leave for six months with no notice and watch you online while refusing to speak to you?

Stop giving this girl false hope.

I respect your point of view obviously but I just asked my husband who is a cancer and has done this a few times during our 16 actually 17 years together, so I am simply posting his response.

And no , he has never left me for 6 months, but obviously there was a reason the posters cancer came back to her so I'm just trying to give her advice how I see it, they are not teenagers but my husband took a long time to emotionally mature so I'm just trying help her through this or not, it's up to her ultimately if she takes the advice or not, we are all human and will all do only what we want to ultimately anyway, so she can take my advice or leave it, as can anyone else I respond to x

Yes, but you're married to a Cancer, and you're talking to someone who has hopes of something similar with a man who doesn't include her in his life except when it's convenient for him. He also doesn't show the care for her feelings that your husband shows you by _telling_ you he needs space.

I respect your input however, you are being extremely negative and also making a lot of assumptions. First off we're engaged, 2nd I never said anything about him never including me in his life except when it's convenient for him.. I am speaking on something particular, I never not once anywhere here made a statement saying any of these things you just assumed...

But thankyou for your input. ?

I'm referring to the six months when he was going through some financial or whatever difficulties, and he ghosted you.

It wasn't convenient to let you know what was going on. It was convenient to put you on ice, watch you from afar (which is creepy, dear), and get back to you later. He knew you would be waiting.

If you posted this question in the Scorpio or Sagittarius forum everyone would be telling you he's been fucking another woman while he's gone. They're only not saying that because you posted in the Cancer forum.

What is his moon placement? Where are his Venus and Mars?

click to expand

Hey Max!

Well for one IDC what he was doing while we were separated, that's not my problem or business. Also Scorpios & SAGS are known whores so ofcourse people would say that...

And yes, lurking on a page is creepy, but that is what Cancers do. they watch anything they have interest in one way or another. I've learned that about them long ago...

And lastly... I absolutely was not 'waiting' on him to return by no means lol. Trust me.

Cap Moon

Gemini Venus

Virgo Mars

I tuned in seeing that he had a Cap Moon but geez, he doesn't make any sense to me. How can anyone treat or be treated like that. I can't deal with that. Either you are in or you are not. I don't do well in the gray areas of no mans land. That is selfish no matter how you look at it.





@tcta

Moon: Cap

Rising Sun: Libra

Venus: Gemini

Mars: Virgo



The thing this I didn't really ask what anyone thought he was doing for the 6 months lol...

I actually don't care what he was doing in that because we weren't together. So whatever he did or what I did for that matter, in time of separation has really nothing to do with what I was seeking opinion on... And I wasn't waiting on him so you also jist made some assumptions.. He watched me because that's what Cancers do, they observe.. Creepy or not, it's what they all do when they have a vested interest in someone or something. But yes, we got back together, but without giving long drawn out harsh details I will say by NO MEANS was I "waiting" on him.

Let's not assume here please, thankyou.

I have the details of what I'm trying to comprehend right now, not what he did while he was gone lol. That's not my business hun, we were not together.





I made no assumptions so I'm not sure what you are reading into what little I said.

You said you were together for 6 years and that you loved him. People don't treat people they love like this. It's selfish and I couldn't deal with it. That was all I said.

Good luck with your situation.

I'm curious to know how you know he was watching you or stalking your social media? I've seen others make this statement and I'm kinda curious...

As for space. Yes crabs need it but not to the point they walk all over feelings and shit. Communicate to him that you understand his "shell time" but imo a 6 year relationship deserves more than him saying - give me space. Maybe he already does this and I don't understand the issue..crabs will always need time away to recharge and let go of all the vibes/emotions they pick up from others, you as the other in the relationship can't take it personal , but it's okay to say hey it bothers me when you shut me out. Especially if you plan to marry each other.

What is his moon placement? Where are his Venus and Mars?



Hey Max!

Well for one IDC what he was doing while we were separated, that's not my problem or business. Also Scorpios & SAGS are known whores so ofcourse people would say that...

And yes, lurking on a page is creepy, but that is what Cancers do. they watch anything they have interest in one way or another. I've learned that about them long ago...

And lastly... I absolutely was not 'waiting' on him to return by no means lol. Trust me.

Cap Moon

Gemini Venus

Virgo Mars



If you guys were a couple, it was your business. If you weren't, you're right.



she said they were engaged and that makes it her business but hey - you ask, we tell you what we think - if you don't like it that's just too bad

Posted by MaxPower

Posted by tcta
What is his moon placement? Where are his Venus and Mars?

Hey Max!

Well for one IDC what he was doing while we were separated, that's not my problem or business. Also Scorpios & SAGS are known whores so ofcourse people would say that...

And yes, lurking on a page is creepy, but that is what Cancers do. they watch anything they have interest in one way or another. I've learned that about them long ago...

And lastly... I absolutely was not 'waiting' on him to return by no means lol. Trust me.

Cap Moon

Gemini Venus

Virgo Mars

If you guys were a couple, it was your business. If you weren't, you're right.



she said they were engaged and that makes it her business but hey - you ask, we tell you what we think - if you don't like it that's just too bad



I took her to mean that they got engaged after he returned from the big escape, but I admit the story is so confusing, I barely bothered to keep up with a timeline.



oh really lol - who knows - it is confusing and I'm done - this is not about astrology

Posted by justagirl
I'm curious to know how you know he was watching you or stalking your social media? I've seen others make this statement and I'm kinda curious...

As for space. Yes crabs need it but not to the point they walk all over feelings and shit. Communicate to him that you understand his "shell time" but imo a 6 year relationship deserves more than him saying - give me space. Maybe he already does this and I don't understand the issue..crabs will always need time away to recharge and let go of all the vibes/emotions they pick up from others, you as the other in the relationship can't take it personal , but it's okay to say hey it bothers me when you shut me out. Especially if you plan to marry each other.

Hey girl ??

Well we didn't follow each other because I blocked him from everything, so he watch lurking from a different page that I didn't have blocked.. Which is stalking/lurking, if you aren't supposed to be on it.

And yet he appeared on it one day before calling me directly & left some comments.. I guess to make sure he wouldn't get rejected first. (Cancers hate rejection lol)

And yes, I agree with everything you said. ☺️

Posted by BettyBoobz

Posted by pinkbird03

Posted by BettyBoobz

Posted by pinkbird03
He's in love with u, but he wishes he wasn't

What the .... ?!

Why would he wish that .. ?

It's hard for us cancers to let go of someone even if we know we should

Yes, I have heard that before.

But honestly, I'm REALLY REALLY great to him.. I'm understanding and patient more than I am with anything or anyone. Which is why I am here now trying to get understanding before I lose it.

And if I decide to do that, it will hurt him also as well as me.

click to expand

Ask him what he doesn't like about your relationship or what can be better

BETTYBOOBZ- you sound like you really love the guy. Just taking the time to research these issues and making an effort to keep things going is a good sign. You are a great lady and if he doesn't see it then he will never. Let him figure this out on his own . If he cannot he will come back to you for your amazing advice and love, cause that's what virgos do best. Awesome virgo and cancer connections take time to grasp and understand. Stay strong and stick by him and he will do the same.Do not panic. He loves you very much and that's all that matters .