the green-eyed monster

So, I have this cancer ex-boyfriend. We were the best of friends in high school, and we hung out all the time. We had all the same friends, we went to parties together, we did all kinds of things together. After about a year and a half of this, we both started to have more than friendly feelings about each other. It was my junior year, and it was in the fall. We didn't really say anything about it to each other, but unbeknownst to both of us, we had each told our friends and they had told each other. So it got out pretty quick. But still, we sort of ignored it, because at the time although he was single I was "sort of seeing" this capricorn who I had also been good friends with for even longer (since junior high). But we were not exclusive, we were just sorta seeing each other. The cancer knew this, everyone knew this. And around the same time, I had met this pisces, but even though my friends set us up and made us go to lunch together, I had absolutely no feelings for him whatsoever. I went out with him because this mutual friend of ours and her boyfriend were hell bent on us getting together. So I thought, "what the hell", and I went out with him a couple times (and simultaneously axed the jerk of a capricorn I was seeing). But I continued to feel nothing for the pisces, in fact I thought he was a little strange for me.

Now, it was time for the Homecoming dance. And I knew the pisces was going to ask me. But I was dreading it, because I really did not want to go with him. But I knew he really wanted to go with me. In the meantime, I was debating in my head whether to get the hint out somehow to my cancer friend that I wanted him to ask me. I wasn't the type who could or would ask the guy, so I wanted him to ask me. I REALLY, REALLY wanted him to ask me. But the fact that both of us were really shy with each other, did not help matters. So I guess I wimped out on hinting to him that I wanted him to ask me. And of course the pisces did. So I said yes, even though everything in me didn't want to go with him. We went, it was fine, later at school I was talking to my cancer friend and he goes, "I heard you were kinda wanting me to ask you, but I knew you were dating Mark so..." and at that point we confessed everything to each other. Blah blah blah, we started dating. We went everywhere together, all of our friends hung out in the same circle, it was mucho fun.

After about three months however I ended the relationship for two reasons...one being that I wasn't feeling enough chemistry between us, and two being that his psychotic aries brother was making up a bunch of rumors about me cheating on his brother, WHICH I ABSOLUTELY WAS NOT. I tried to work it out with the aries, he was too mental to stop lying about me. The cancer didn't believe him, and I know he didn't. But, I got tired of dealing with his brother's sh** all the time every day at school, so I had to end it.

The group of friends got all screwy and we all sort of split off and went our somewhat seperate ways, although we all kept in touch from time to time and we knew basically what was going on with all of us in our lives. The summer before my senior year is when I met my current boyfriend. Pretty soon after that, the cancer and I stopped talking altogether. I was going on with my life and he with his.

Flash forward to prom, my senior year. I went with my boyfriend of course. And when I get there, I find myself being introduced to the cancer and his new girlfriend. She was alright, if not a little weird and snooty (which was unfortunate to see, because I truly wanted the best for the cancer because he is about the nicest, sweetest person on the planet that I know of). And the cancer and my boyfriend were also introduced.

Okay, no biggie, life carries on and...I don't see the cancer anymore after that at all. We don't have any classes together at school, we no longer call each othe

You need a capricorn man so when the sun goes down and the lights go out and there is not another living soul around you get the drift.

humph I bet my cancer freind is going to marry his girlfriend I fear and dread it but probably it will happen and it makes me sad cause he had so much potential grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

what was that u told me about things that have not worked out in a certain way being a good thing phoenix? i think the best for u is yet to come. if thier happy, be happy for them. u will get yours. i dont think your current relationship would make a good marriage anyway, no matter how much time is invested in it. maybe u need a cappy, maybe a cancer, but i do know that u need to be happy. 🙂

james--that was funny. And how did you know— I LOVE that song. 😛 Actually if Capricorn men were a bit less cold and unemotional, I would love to be with one. I've tried it with one, but it just never took off on anything but a physical level and a friendship level (and that was one hundred percent due to his emotional retardation and complete inablility to make any sort of commitment whatsoever, even if that "commitment" was merely dating one girl exclusively at a time.)

Morgan, I will be here to support you if he does.

cj7, thank you and you're right. But how can you just "be" happy for someone when you really aren't? And does that mean I'm evil? lol, seriously, I feel nothing but envy and sadness and anger about the entire thing. Which is so insane, because, I don't know, it just is insane because I have no right to feel like that. I just hate them both. lol. I don't really hate them, but I kind of do. I feel like never speaking a word to the cancer as long as I live.

and I know, me and my boyfriend are probably not meant to be together in the sheme of things. I can't imagine dealing with him for the rest of my life! 😢

grrr...now I'm just angry again 😢

morgan... I think I may agree with you that they'll marry... nay bets on when they'll divorce?

Phoenix the answers to your questions or on my page

Phoenix and what is this cold crap can't you tell warm and loving when you see it. even in adversity I am humble, kind, good of heart . I have opened my inner most self up to somebody Im sure. Den knows how i feel, I think , maybe. O.K. there was cwab and txchic but Im sure they will show up somewere sometime. If they don't who gives a big rats ass.

Love James see caring

They'll never divorce. He doesn't have the backbone (too sensitive or is it too insecure?) to do something like that, and she won't find anyone better. He's the kind of person that'd stick it out even if it made him miserable, like it's doing now. He'll say he's depressed and things aren't going well, but he won't be able to fix it. All he's good at is sticking untill everthing blows over.

Phoenix,

You are not trying to find the 'absolute right sign for you' are you?

There is no such thing. I love astrology and find it fascinating...but, it all depends on other factors, as well...such as the other aspects of the natal chart, nurture-how they were raised, birth order, their peers, etc...

So, just find someone you like...don't worry about all that jazz above and get to know who they really are!

Take control of your life!
1) Ask a guy out if you want to have him ask you out! Statistics show that fewer men ask women out these days! (A trend that occurred with Women's Liberation.)
2) If a guy doesn't treat you well in all situations...alone, with his family, with his friends...consider DUMPING HIM! He is a big phoney! Untrustworthy to the max!! This aspect matters much more than Sun Sign!

Wish you the Best!!
Love yaz!

I mean it, Girl. I cannot even begin to tell you how much I admire you! You are an intellectual who is intuitive and deep...you also have what matters to guys: You are cute, sexy, and passionate...
The package you have to offer should not come cheap! Test how he treats you in all situations a bit, before deciding if you want to continue to see him! Be aloof! Until you know!

star, hey there. 🙂

I love your advice. I will definitely put it to good use when I have finally moved past the sadness and anger I feel toward my now ex. That was very nice of you to say, that I have what matters to guys. In times like these when I'm looking at myself both physically emotionally and mentally and I'm thinking, "I hate who I am because it keeps attracting the wrong guys", it is very, very helpful to hear nice things like that. I must say I've been really suprised by how emotionally in tune and caring aquarius's can be in hard times. My mom, an aqua, has really been there for me in all ways necessary during this awful time of my life. And she said basically the same thing you just said, that in the future do not jump right in to a long-term relationship until I really know the person, their family background, what they're like. She suggested that when I'm ready, that I should put myself in situations where nice normal people are likely to be. Like instead of the hangouts downtown at night, go to the library or the country club (lol, okay now that one is funny!)...but you see what she means. And that's something I've never consciously done before--put myself around good people on purpose. I've always just met guys in weird random places and ended up jumping into serious relationships with them. I've never "just dated", which is what she thinks I should try. The whole concept is so foreign to me. I've never just "gone out" with a guy, you know, where you're not really an exclusive item but you just go to a movie every now and then or go out to coffee every once in a while just to get to know them until you decide you're compatible. It's kind of a shame, that I have never really done this dating thing right from the get-go. From the time I was 14 it was one "serious" relationship after another, nothing just casual; nothing just for fun. It makes me kind of sad to think of how I spent way too much time in bad relationships when I could have been out there...learning from variety, that kinda thing. But everything is a learning experience and she keeps telling me that every day will get better, I'll come out of this darkness a little more each day. I'm trying so hard. It's very up and down. I'll have moments where I'll think, "oh treetrunk YOU, I DON'T NEED YOU!" and then I'll miss him so much. And then I'll hate him. And then I'll want to get back together. And then I'll be glad it's over. It's just all a lot to process and deal with. My whole life has drastically changed in the space of less than a week. And there's nothing I can do about it, except accept it. And try not to let it scare me to the point of me becoming a complete hermit, which is a constant temptation. I swear to god, if I didn't have to, I wouldn't go to work, wouldn't get out of bed, wouldn't do anything except be drunk and cry and try to sleep.

Anyway star, thank you so much for your words of wisdom. I'm hanging on everything everyone says to me about how to get through it because I have no idea how to get through it on my own.

You are a desirable woman!

It is no wonder you have never had time to breathe, to be yourself, and just hang out with your buds...

Men have dominated your life, Girlfriend!

Correct if I am wrong...
They pick you out in a crowd...sweet talk you til you blush...make you believe that you mesmerize them...suck you into their web...
Then they start to act 'different'...after they've 'got' you:

They tease about sensitive topics in front of their friends...
The guy friends come first...no matter what!
They discuss the latest 'hot babe' with their friends, in front of you...

Anyway, Girl...Yeah, I've been there...

Once I started to 'date', I LOVED it! Suddenly, I had control! He would say, "when can I see you again?" I would say, "Oh, I don't know, maybe in a month...I have a very busy schedule!"
OK OK! You are right...I only used the 1 month idea with those I didn't care to pursue...with the others it was 1-2 weeks...

I don't totally 'get' the male brain...but, it seems to me that the longer you hold-out with the 'good guys', the sooner they think that you should make some kinda decision....such as, seeing them exclusively!


A Guy once told me, "There is nothing worse than a desperate woman" referring to me who wanted to know if he was comnitted to me!!!
That really cooled me off!

I thought to myself, "the next time I want you to know something, I will keep it to myself! If I want to 'be' with you...you will NEVER hear it from me!"

Funny...but, the aloof attitude works with men...it works best when you are fed-up with men...it is truly genuine!!

All the Best to You!
Star

Star has a point. We want what we can not have. But we also know how to say alas life goes on.

Thanks, Mr. James Tate. I find you highly amusing! I hope you don't mind...

Would it make any differance if I did mind ? I think not. The females on the boards here rule the day. They just use us males. We are but little play things to them. I must go to the pub and wash away my sadness with a whisky or two. Good night sweet dreams my lovs

I need something to "play" with.....

LOL!

I can always count on star and freebird to get to the bottom line.

Honest is the BEST policy 🙂

James, you can count on us for anything!

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! never ever put your self in that position lov . You never know what it could lead to.

WHOOOOoooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOO! never ever put yourself in that position luv you never know what it could lead to.

How I love the UNKNOWN......this is the basis of a life well lived. To go where no man has gone before. Count me in!

You must leap first and build wings on the way down... Of course many a poor fellow has forgotten to jump with feathers and wound up sprawled on the jagged rocks below... Then there's the ones that made wings out of wax and then flew up all happy to be alive, only to have the sun mealt the wings and cuase them to also wind up sprawled on the jagged rocks below... And then, what were they doing jumping off cliffs to begin with? Why didn't they just take a bridge or a latter or some stairs or something instead of trying to fly across? At least they could have taken a parachute, just incase the wings they were trying to build didn't work... It's pitiful, these cliff jumpings just aren't thought through well enough.

lol

and then there was a man who by Faith alone walked on water.......

Water was he in rain ? was he on ice? did he walk on water?

Do not be concerned with the opinion of others...
You must follow the beliefs of your soul...

LOL, just because this is the way my mind works:

What happens to that poor person who doesn't believe in a soul? What will he believe in—

Oh Morgan,

If someone believes in something, they believe in something. They just may not call it the same thing. A soul to one person can be something else to another. I'm not sure the name itself really matters just the fact that one BELIEVES in something. Does this make sense or have I totally confused you and everyone else? I suppose it can be more of a "feeling" experience rather than a "mental" one. The name of something is more intellectual where the Knowing is more the "feeling" of it. I sure hope this makes some sense. I thought those were yellow m&m's that I was eating.......

LOL, I hear you freebird. I understand... It's just I like to dwell on unimportant details... It makes my life a little fuller.

Go to the libiary get the book The true beleaver by eric hoffman. It will open your eyes.

Is it in Braille?

No he was blind for several years however. His name may be Hoffer. Once you read him you will forever read him. Everytime I reread some of his work something I never saw before come to me. Or you begin to see the same thing in different ways.

Thanks for the book title and author name, James! I will have to check it out...

I guess when I said, 'beliefs of your soul'...I just mean that feeling you get when you just KNOW stuff. Do you know what I mean?

I guess I have been learning a thing or two about following your own beliefs (even if it means you get kicked out of your home) from my houseguest.

I need to do something fun! I have too much stress in my life lately!!

Eric will make you think. A most interesting life his and a way of looking at life that is not often found.