what would you do?

I haven't spoken to the cancer I like for a couple of months....the last time I saw him he just stared at me....WTF.....so I stared back.....we were in the same bar....he didn't make an attempt to say hello....he just stared...

When I got up to leave with my friends we had to walk directly past him and I made like samre right back to you....if you don't say hi neither will I

Was that the correct move or should I have just said hello like wow great to see you but gotta go....

Just want to get some input from you on what you have done in past situations that would have been somewhat the same......

I know he is playing me.....and I just want to play him back...

In your case, I don't make the first move on guys, so I probably would've made a funny face and/or a quick smile at him to break the ice and hopefully make him laugh. Then maybe he would've felt comfortable enough to approach me. This works for me all the time, even when I innocently smile at a man who I catch looking at me. To me, that smile meant "oh hi" but apparently it's interpreted as "come right on over!".

If u like this guy, then I think you messed up by handling the situation the way that you did. That is the way I might've treated a guy who was getting on my nerves. I'm sorry to say that what you did seems childish to me. Why assume that he was playing games? Since you two actually know each other, then that makes what you did even worse. Why not just walk up to him and say hello or something clever?

I dunno, your behavior towards him makes no sense to me, unless there is some little detail that you are leaving out.

well there is a bit of a history.....I did ask him out and he asked me straightup why? and I replied because I like you and he never bothered to contact me and give me a answer....

So like is that the answer or should I have said to him whats up with that? cause from my point of view I was upfront and he is the one playing the games....

I am a aries and I really am shy also but I thought he liked me so I made the first move and its been awkward since than....I don't know how to handle him....

I have read all the posts and some say to ignore and just give him what he gives and then others say to be honest but don't give him too much....

When he is staring at me I get the feeling that he really likes me but yes I have screwed up and now I don't know how to repair it and I really want to repair it cause I like him so darn much......


HELP.......HELP...... I just don't know what I am doing and I really dig this guy and want things to progress without scaring him off or giving him the feeling that I am playing games!!!!!

I just suck at this boy girl thing....it seems like we both are inept at what we are doing....my gut is telling me he likes me and he's sensitive and that he is still interested and we have some unfinished business.....but I am scared stiff to screw it up again so I have just been mirroring what he has been doing....

I did see him after our stare down and he waved and I waved back....but I really again suck at this....

I am determined to say something the next time and like someone posted if he is staring I can always make a funny face to break the ice and go from there....its just I am just as afraid to get hurt also....maybe I am a secret cancer....my dad was so maybe some of him rubbed off on me lol

So how to I let him know I am interested without scaring him off....you know us aries we can sometimes be blunt....though I have to say I have never been mean to him or harsh to him....

How can I be romantic and old fashion without giving him to much?

I haven't had that happen. If I C him, he is waiting 4 me 2 turn around and see him standing behind me. He will say something and start smiling and then that is all it wrote. He is mines for 1/2 the night. I guess until someone else comes along. LOL!

Ha, I'm learning about Cancers too. I'm a Pisces and for some stupid reason, I thought dealing with another water sign when it comes to romance would come naturally. Not quite so true.

Pisces tend to wear their hearts on their sleeves and express their emotions easily...maybe too easily at times. We're kinda prone to whirlwind romances too. I'm learning that Cancers are not that way, atleast not initially with someone they are not yet very close to. A Cancer male that I know told me that he wanted this girl SO bad and NEVER told her. My Pisces mind is thinking "Why the heck not?!!"

I am dealing with a Cancer right now too (my first one!) and I got the feeling that he liked me too. We're still getting to know each other thoroughly and I know things about him that he's never told anyone else, but he has yet to tell me that he wants to take things to the next level. When we spoke of our past relationships, he's told me that he believes in being friends first before things warm into love. I have never done that before so I find that kinda refreshing. I just hope we will someday move it past the buddy stage.

Since he waved back to you, it doesn't sound like you messed up that bad. I have been following the advice of others on the boards with mine and being VERY patient and taking things VERY slow.

I have always kept my emotions well in check and I think he is trying to tell me something with his stare and his wave....but I keep thinking from reading what I have that he is a man and men like to pursue and if I chase after him it will scare him away?

and I am not the best flirt....it just does not come that naturally to me...I guess because to date he is the only one who has made me feel the way I do....

if I pour out my heart he will know he has me right where he wants me and then will he not see it as a challenge and move on?

I think a funny face and perhaps something like you know you drive me crazy....I can't figure you out....and then see what he says to that....my luck he will say something like why do you say that? and I will again be screwed and tell him more than I should lol

is it hopeless?

Krobe....what would you do?

hmph....

Moon eyes, yeah I guess I was kinda referring to male crabs only. All the fish men I know charge ahead full force when they are after someone. No guessing games with them. The only female crab that I know is my mom and how she and my dad hooked up, I never really asked. I don't know if she wore her heart on her sleeve or not, but I know she has absolutely NO problems telling me how she feels and is really possessive.

Cheeky, you would like my European girl friends. They are not afraid to go after the man that they want and say the men over there are not intimidated by it. They think I'm silly for not wanting to do that and they think Americans play too many games and have too many silly "rules" here when it comes to dating. All of my guy friends (the American ones) tell me if they really like a girl, they'll want to chase her. They enjoy being chased as well but will automatically put that girl in the "funtime girl" box, so to speak. I can only think of a few guys who genuinely wanted the girl to do the chasing, but they were all the type that lacked the social skills and confidence to pursue a girl. I had to remind them that it would be pretty hard for girls to chase them when they are always sitting at home playing fantasy games online. lol.

I think it is ok to let a man know that you like them without quite letting them know. Someone suggested flirting a little and being yourself and I second that. He already knows that you're interested since you already asked him out and he said no, but if you think he likes you, I'd play it cool if I were you. Not Ice Princess cool...just be friendly when you see him and sit back and wait and see what happens.

He was the first man I have ever asked out....I will probably never do it again but I felt he was worth it!

When he asked "why" he thru me for a loop....and I just answered the question....it was just so bizarre you would have thought it would have either been yes or no....

So you think the "why" means he is interested and he just wants to know what my intentions are?

So hard to figure out.....so luckystar what would you do....I think he really likes me and he is just trying to get me to engage again and see that I am still interested.....

What course of action would you take?

So Krobe are you saying he is enjoying this.....I thought they don't play games?

From reading all the boards.....it seems almost hopeless....so if he isn't playing games he is just a sucker for punishment cause it makes him feel....and even though it makes him feel bad its better than not feeling anything at all....too bizarre for us aries....wish he would just snap out of it....

I know patience is a virtue (lol) nice and slow....no sudden movements....

Krobe give me more of your excellent advice on how to proceed....

So, NO! But, B so perfect 4 him, so he can stay around. And let him ASK U 4 sex.

I meant say NO! Until he proves with his actions that he is ready. Oh, and 4 the record. Cancer men don't like women that want 2 rush love. BIG turnoff.

He was the first man I have ever asked out....I will probably never do it again but I felt he was worth it!

Girl he is a WATER sign. HE CAN BURN OUT YOUR FIRE VERY QUICK! Put down your ego, or it won't work. Don't HAVE any expectations, just go with the flow, and don't rush. He is going 2 reject your arse ALOT of times. And U reject him 2. He swears he is the center of the universe. So, just simply, make him think he is, and when he starts rushing, dump him.

When he asked "why" he thru me for a loop....and I just answered the question....it was just so bizarre you would have thought it would have either been yes or no....

He asked Y, because HE is the man, and should B asking U first. Will he if he is interested. Yes! But, in order for that 2 happen, U have 2 pass some tests. NOT unless he thinks a couple movies, dinner, ball games will win your heart, and U R an EAY FU--! Then he will do what he has 2 do 2 get the easy and bounce. DON'T B EASY!

So you think the "why" means he is interested and he just wants to know what my intentions are?

No, Y means what do U want out of this. B honest. He is saying Y, because he wants 2 know if U want this 2 B real, or just a casual fling. Y? What do U want out of this.

Not Ice Princess cool...just be friendly when you see him and sit back and wait and see what happens.

ICE PRINCESS COOL IF U R FIRST MEETING! This automatically lets him know that U just don't let ANYONE enter your life on friendly terms. They have 2 earn friendliness from U, U just don't come out and give it 2 them. Plus I am going 2 send an article that I read that says a survey of men said that they would PREFER this type of women, when they first met her. Let me find it.

Here R some article facts about men

1. MEN WANT WHAT THEY (THINK THEY) CAN'T HAVE:
Men are competitive by nature. This goes for sports, business, and
dating. They love a challenge and they fight hard to win.

That's why when a woman pursues them, (more often than not) they
are either instantly turned off, or are momentarily flattered and
intrigued but then lose interest very quickly, no matter how
attractive she may be.

The undeniable truth is that it's human nature to want what you
can't have.

2. MEN LOVE UNPREDICTABILITY

3. MEN TEST YOU WITH BAD BEHAVIOR:

4. MEN RESPECT A WOMAN WHO RESPECTS HERSELF:
Contrary to the belief of many women, men don't want to date a doormat.

5. MEN GET TURNED OFF IF THEY THINK YOU HAVE AN "AGENDA":
Men love adventure. At heart they long to be explorers, discoverers, conquerors.

6. THE LESS COMMITMENT-OBSESSED YOU ARE, THE MORE APPEALING COMMITMENT BECOMES TO HIM


I think there is a little bit of a misunderstanding of men.
As I see it, it's not so much that men fear commitment, but
[when a woman pursues us] we think that our job is done.
Let me explain.

You see, men are all about accomplishments.

At the beginning of the relationship we'll try hard. It's as
if we have something to prove (male ego, go figure). But once
a woman [makes the effort] we start to relax and get back into
our regular habits that we have been ignoring (ie. playing poker
with the guys).

This is an male saying this

It's not fear, it's just we are satisfied with what we
accomplished and so we take a much needed break. It's like
building a house and then lying down and not moving for a
week because you're so tired.

This is why men like women who play hard to get. We have to
try harder...so we feel we have accomplished more.

I appreciate your help....I thought all was lost but there seems to be hope....I haven't really thought about my actions until after the fact and now am thinking I am making this more in my head then it is (you know us aries we think alot and strategize a lot) I just need to let go and let what happens happens.....

I would think with this kind of attitude that he has he will have a hard time having anyone measure up or get close....is it he just has very high expectations or just that he doesn't want to get hurt? both?

Its hard to let go of a ego especially when you think you don't have one (lol) pride can be a bitch sometimes...and I can admit I hate for anyone to get the better of me and even thought I am not vindictive I have the attitude that I would not give them the satisfaction of knowing how much they are hurting me......I am working on it

I have never made it easy for him....if I had I think he would have asked me out already....I do think he is interested and he didn't say yes or no and like I said now he just stares and he has made a point of acknowledging me....so I think there really is something there....

At the beginning he did say something like "I am looking for a wife or a maid"....I never responded at all, and he has said other things that I believe were tests and he kept coming back....until I made the mistake of asking him out...then things just went haywire....he never responded and I never gave him the satisfaction of asking what was up with that.....I wish I had now....cause at least I would have gotten an explanation or found out what was going on.....maybe I was afraid of being hurt also....

I guess like I said since my father was a cancer he must have rubbed off on me....because I am extremely sensitive and rarely let anyone see that side of me unless they are family or close close friends......

I have never made it easy for him....if I had I think he would have asked me out already....I do think he is interested and he didn't say yes or no and like I said now he just stares and he has made a point of acknowledging me....so I think there really is something there....

Ok, here is the deal of asking him out. I am still looking 4 the ice princesses techique

Tip 4. DON'T come out and ask him out ?man- style .?

Basically, what you're doing is offering yourself to him on a platter: he gets you without having to do any work at all. If you think about anything that you've had to work really hard for, you know how much more you value it because of the work you put into it. Don't deprive him of the opportunity to work hard for the reward of dating you.

So play hard to get....but not impossible to get.....be friendly but not overly friendly....smile and acknowledge but nothing more unless he gives more.......

SO SERIOUSLY THE DAMAGE IS REPAIRABLE AND IT COULD STILL HAPPEN.....

Good article....any other words of incouragment....cause like I said I need all the help I can get....

I am more of a lamb then a ram (lol)and now it feels like I am going into battle and face a potential slaughter (lol)

Why do they have to be so darn complicated—??

My best friend is a leo and she thinks he is to dumb for me....but I think he actually is smart and has a lot of decent qualities....but its easier for her to just say how she feels and move on....with me its not so easy...

We get along excellent but its more black and white for her....but with me there is just more grey areas...

Its funny actually her husband is a libra and he and I get along great....its just this darn cancer man I can't figure out

Cheeky,

I am not going 2 lie 2 U or anyone else. This man is COMPLEX! He was splitting my wig when I first met him. 1. I was in a 10 year relationship and my man was NOTHING like him. He was much more exciting. 2. He is WAY smarter than I am with his male game. Way more advanced. I had 2 sit back and say dam@! This man is COMPLEX! But as I stopped trying 2 figure things out and went with the flow. Things started coming natural. I would call him ONLY if he asked. But, if he did not answer, I did not continue. I would WAIT 4 about 3 or 4 weeks and try again. Then whenever, he came at me full force. I would go in the other direction. I started being COMPLEX 2 him. That is when he was like, I have GOT 2 have this girl. He plays that silent role 2 try and get me 2 chase. But, NO, I ignore. This is a man that can make U feel INSECURE as HELL! I know I am not insecure, and if I have 2 go through all that drama. I just let him B until he is not mad at me for outsmarting him out of his own game. Once he thinks he has me. I just keep it in my mind. Um, nope, thought U had me, HA HA! I am not that easy. I know I frustrate him, but he feeds off the BS! As soon as he thinks he has me figured out. I switch on him. I am predictable 4 a minute, and then when he just thinks that I am easy, I keep it in mind, NOPE, not that easy. He sulks, but he eventually comes back for more. I give him what he wants. Tension and misery. He thrives off that BS!

Cheeky,

U did right. Let him come 2 U. This is a man who wants women 2 pursue him, just 2 make fools of themselves. So, that is Y Cancer men R lazy in the pursuing department. Becuase for 1. Not unless he thinks he can get U easy, he is not going 2 put in hard work. He saves the best 4 last. And in 1 of these posts. I read it takes them what about 2 years 2 fully find a woman they R interested in before they start releasing their true true feelings. 2. He does not like women who rush their hearts 2 him 4 little or no earning part on his behalf. 3. They want 2 ask U, for sex. This is a complex man. But, if he C's U as potential and not easy. He is going 2 put you throgh some tests. So, U put him through some.

I would let him approach me. If U C him, smile at him, say something. If I C my Cancer, he is usually waiting behind me. I say something, he says something, and then we R hugged up until some easy woman comes along. LOL! No, but, I am not rushing into NOTHING! He knows he has 2 put in work. He is slowly but surely, he is putting in those calls, and begging 4 my attention. I just let him go on and quit holding on when he gets frustrated. I let him know, it is OK 2 leave. Bye, He will B back, because, I don't nag, stress or pressure him. I let him know, YEAH, I FEEL wonderful hugged up in his muscular arms. I feel real intense feelings. But, once it is all said and done, I am not going 2 chase after that intensity, or try 2 make something of us, from hugging and kissing in public.

Well thats the thing....I know where he hangs out but really don't frequent there very often....most of my friends are married and I don't do the bar scene solo so who knows when I will get there....

He does frequent canadian tire and home depot on the weekends so I could try to bump into him there.....

I used to be his banker but took a different job and moved branches....I have heard that he has asked about me since I have been gone...its all a crap shoot though as to when I will see him...

So if he was staring at me cause he wanted to talk to me....why didn't he say something....I know...I know he's not playing a game thats just the way he is....stuborn!!

Shortly after I asked him out...say about a month he did call about business and he mumbled something like....I cause my own problems....and I said I think everyone tends to do that but sometimes in life you don't want to have any regrets...not sure if that was a half ass apology or what......

He is 42 and I think he is starting to think long term cause he is a man and the clock is ticking and no one wants to be alone....but its only a guess....

Its funny because don't get me wrong I would like to have a physical relationship with him eventually but I sense there is so much more with this man and its a connection on more than a physical level....

So why do they want you to make an ass of yourself pursuing them?

leo kitten, well said... but come back here 1 year from now, and let me know if things r still the same, if so, say that all over agian.... and i will be proud to back you up!
if not, try to be more sensitive to other people's emotions.
i will agree with u and say most men are liek that, if a guy likes u they will pursure you right off the bat. so long as u understand, that not ALL men are liek that, and there are men who test women out before they get knee deep into a situation. same reaosn a women would be hestitant... and thats becuase of "baggage"

anywayz, enjoy ur man!

you cannot generalize all cancers as krobe and lucky would like, because guess what...that is dumb. my cancer asked me out. he kept asking me out. we go out, we do things. he calls, he texts...the man just sat through back to back harry potter movies for me because i like the movies. i am honest with him and vice versa. we have met family members. it is not even serious!! it is nice and easy dating...and it flows. it has only been a month...but come on people...this...

Women of elegance overlook easy women like U R Leokitten. U R not worth an arguement. Enjoy your man. ANd I hope U have a good life. Best wishes.

but, i can say that my friends husband did not trust her at first. initially, he was distant. gradually, they built trust through open and honest communication. and she told him that she liked him first. people can't be lumped together like that, based on signs, gender, etc. individuals all have their own issues. now, whether or not you're willing to spend years trying to figure out those issues rather than get on with your life, is up to you.

I agree, U cannot base relationships on astrology. GOD has the power 2 link 2 souls. Not U or ME!

krobe what is your astro chart, i know your a leo but what is your moon/rising?

your giving pretty good advice =)

they definitely try to make the women pursue them, and i have made an ass of myself doign this in the past

I know I do. But, I want U 2 not take Leokitten's insensitive feelings 2 heart. U can tell she is EASY that is Y, her cancer man is pursuing HER, because he knows he can FU-- soon. And can U tell she is VERY bitter? She must go through alot of men dumping her after they get what they want.

Anyways, Cancer men don't like being rushed. So, if he is rushing 2 get U, he knows that U R easy. Men save GOOD women 4 last.

I guess everyone is entitled to their opinions.....the only question I have for Leo Kitty is if everything is so peachy keen....why is she bothering to post and read these boards?

and yes I know we can all analysis till the cows come home but we will never really know what makes anyone tick....

But it is great to get insite into a cancers behavior.....and its funny how though everyones environment is different and their upbrining is different....these men still posses alot of the same charateristics and habits and many peoples interactions are alike with them?

Weird science?

I guess everyone is entitled to their opinions.....the only question I have for Leo Kitty is if everything is so peachy keen....why is she bothering to post and read these boards?

I will answer this. BEWARE! THIS IS TYPE OF CHALLENGE THAT LEOKITTEN PRESENTS IS NOT WHAY MEN R LOOKING 4 IN A FUTURE MATE! REPEAT! NOT WHAT MEN WANT! This is straight out the mouth of professional men. Women like Leokitten is what men call a CHALLENGE! She has the type of attitude that fall right into what men's game. Her type of attitude is nothing no more 2 ANY man, not Cancer men, but sex and passion. And yes, they pursue 4 that reason ONLY! But, NEVER a future long term mate. She would probably get no more than 1.5-2 years of being one of his OPTIONS, and then he will bounce. So, beware of this type of unelegant attitude. Professional men say avoid being this type of CHEAP EASY prey. If we notice her bitterness, trust me, her Cancer man notices it 2, that is Y he is telling her 2 let down her guard.

and yes I know we can all analysis till the cows come home but we will never really know what makes anyone tick....

But, cheecky, it is not a good idea 2 wonder about men. They R not as complex as we think they R. However, if a man is not ready 2 settle down. It is NOTHING U can do or make him change. U can change. But, he won't. U have 2 MAKE him change 2 your standards.

But it is great to get insite into a cancers behavior.....and its funny how though everyones environment is different and their upbrining is different....these men still posses alot of the same charateristics and habits and many peoples interactions are alike with them?

Yes, but U will NEVER B able 2 change a Cancer man. NEVER, U will have 2 change yourself 2 deal with HIM!

Weird science? He is NOT as complicated as he portrays 2 B. Trust me!

they definitely try to make the women pursue them, and i have made an ass of myself doign this in the past

Lucky, the reason Y so many women pursue Cancer men is ONLY because they R intrigued by his so called behavior patterns. And yes U do look like a fool (don't take it personal) pursuing a man. But, just because he does not call, does not mean that he is not thinking about U. Men usually save the best ladies, future long term mates for last. They keep U at a distance, however, men don't RUSH 2 B with future long term mates. Only EASY PREY, that they only have 2 put in a little work 2 get. U R considered EASY 2 a man, simply by the way U carry yourself. So, U R a Cap? Did U tell me that? Taking it slow, being friendly but distant and aloof and UNAVAILABLE with most of your time is what most men cherish in a DECENT prospect of future mates. ESP Cancer MEN!

it's amazing that there are so many comments regarding what a man has said about relationships - I wonder if these men that everyone is quoting have asked EVERY man their opinion on the matter....I think it's entirely possible that not every man would agree with the opinions of these few.....

I will say this jus like there is that 1% percent that holds all the power and money in the world, there is 1% of women that have been blessed to not have to deal with the BS that 99% of us have to deal with in relationships.

nothing wrong with coming here for help, we all need it...even leokitten...even me

there is a way to deal with each sign, don't let anyone tell you that you can't have what you want in a man because you can...there are natural laws and rules in life PERIOD, this applies to work, driving, standing in line at the store, feeding the kids, washing your body, going to the bank, cashing a check, my point being...there is a natural process and if your not following it, you will bump your head each and every time, once you learn them, things will be much more effective and easier for women which means you have more time to relax and focus on other parts of your life instead of obsessing over relationships.

ALL women do not think alike - and neither do ALL men. Yes it's important to listen to the other side, but keep in mind that men are individuals capable of independent thought too - just because some men speak about relationships in a certain way and CLAIM that this is how all men think, does not mean that ALL men really think the same way that man does. The important thing is to listen to THE MAN YOU ARE INTERESTED IN - he is the one who can tell you [with subtle hints if not directly] what he wants.

Yeah, Tikki,
I agree, especially if U don't even know the LOW LIFE MISERABLE BITC- and U can give a FLYING FUC- about treating her like shi-! She is no one I have 2 prove a point 2 so FU-- her sorry arse.

All I am saying XF, look at your life, the rules are basic, you wake up, take a bath/shower, primp, put on your clothes, go to work or school, you eat breakfast, lunch etc...these are basic things you have to do daily, well this goes for men to, there are basic things you must KNOW, you must UNDERSTAND to be successful with relationships...

you know whatever your doing isn't working, the very fact that your debating it lets me know your banging your head all the time..a woman that is done banging her head picks this stuff up and starts to change her life.

"All I am saying XF, look at your life, the rules are basic, you wake up, take a bath/shower, primp, put on your clothes, go to work or school, you eat breakfast, lunch etc...these are basic things you have to do daily, well this goes for men to, there are basic things you must KNOW, you must UNDERSTAND to be successful with relationships...

you know whatever your doing isn't working, the very fact that your debating it lets me know your banging your head all the time..a woman that is done banging her head picks this stuff up and starts to change her life."

you honestly don't listen to what people are saying......I never said you were wrong about listening to a man's point of view - all I said was that it is important to remember that men have different ideas about relationships , would it be fair to say that ALL women are gold diggers? of course not - but I'll bet there are men out there telling other men that they have heard it from a woman's mouth that women want a man who can take care of them and buy them things etc....
All I've said is that you need to take the individual man you are interested in into account and find out what HE wants/ You cannot lump ALL men into the same exact category - even if it is a minority who thinks differenty...
as far as whether I am beating my head against a wall, no I am not - I know what I want in a man and what I don't want - I don't want games plain and simple. I will not play them and if a man expects me to in order to get his attention then he is not the right man for me.

and Krobe - why do you feel the need to verbally attack anyone who disagrees with you?
I went through this with you when I first posted here asking for cansirt's advice - I questioned your logic on something and was rather polite about it and you verbally attacked me, and I've seen you do it to many people here....leokitten is entitled to her opinions, just because they differ from yours doesn't mean you two have to get into a fight about it. Both of you have given your advice and it is there for people to take -OR NOT TAKE - as they see fit.
And the comment to tiki about not bothering with me was out of line. If that is how tiki feels then that is her business, but why must you always put people down? you say you don't want to be a part of the negativity but from what I have seen you instigate most of it. It seems to me that anyone who has a different opinion and/or does not praise you, you say nasty things to/about them. Sometimes veiled somtimes not.
I am not trying to disparage you, but you can be quite viscious with people here.....
If you do not realize that you are doing that perhaps this will be an opportunity for you to reevalute how you interact with people.
I'm sure no here wants to be antagonistic, but you can make it difficult to deal with you when you have "my way or the highway" attitude....

I listen Tiki - maybe you should re-read some of the things you write, there are accusatory tones in everything you write. Maybe it is just your way of speaking, but I have no way of knowing that.
And you keep telling me that I "don't know" and you've said I'm doing things wrong....you don't know me well enough to make those judgements - I am doing everything right - FOR ME. What I do is meant for my own happiness and no one else's.

"you know whatever your doing isn't working, the very fact that your debating it lets me know your banging your head all the time..a woman that is done banging her head picks this stuff up and starts to change her life."

there's that "my way or the highway" attitude.....

XF i'm not here to argue with you hun, if i'm wrong then so be it, I'm simply going by your past post and if what your doing is right for you then there is no need to defend it, i'm happy for you, keep doing it.

i simply put my assessment out there, there are women here that was on the brink of a break up and they took a chance and let go of everything they thought was right and changed their methods, I haven't had one complaint, there is a method to all this relationship madness and the methods work and the ones who choose to do it there way well they get the effects of that and thats okay too.

there is nothing to argue about or accuse anyone of.

women have been deviating from the blueprints of love and relationships and banging there head all over the place, most men stick with the blueprints because they know it works most women that are sick and tired of using methods that only give them grief soon gain a deeper understanding know that no matter how they twist that square peg (there way of thinking onto a man it won't work)and soon these women come to the realization that the square peg is not going to fit in the hole...these women CHANGE, the ones that continue to do it their way without a blueprint bang there heads...thats all i'm saying..if this doesn't apply to you then you have every right to ignore what i'm saying.

EVERYTHING, from our DNA on forward, everything has an original thought, an original way of being, life has twisted things so that a lot of us have geared away from what that is and most of us never knew what it was in the first place, so most of us have created a bunch of unnecessary pain and conflict around relationships, RELATIONSHIPS SHOULD BE JOYFUL NOT JOYLESS, life and relationships have a blueprint...an original plan, if the women don't know what that is, then hey its on them.

and when I say men and women, I'm not speaking as a whole, there are a minority few that get it, these people tend to be taken already, so we have to learn methods to get around the BS and commitment phobes and their is a way to do this but it takes going against everything a person think they know.

if your happy then I'm happy for you, no need to take this personal, I'm only here to help give insight to women that need it, if you don't need it, good but I know that there are women who pick this stuff up and it changes everything for them.

I don't take it personally - but here is exactly what I'm talking about, you keep saying things ;like "they will learn" and "they're banging their heads" - this kind of language turns people off to your advice - I'm not telling you this because I want to argue with you - I'm telling you this because I can see that you want to help and I've been saying all along that advice is not right and wrong - it is right for SOME PEOPLE and wrong for SOME PEOPLE. I'm just pointing out to you the ways that some of the things you say may turn someone off from listening to you when your advice may be right for them....
It's not about "that's just how I talk and if you don't like it then don't listen" [I'm not quoting - just paraphrasing] but if your attitude comes across you thinking you're right and everyone else is wrong [whether it's what you really think or not] then people are not going to listen to you. You make a lot of definitive statements about what are the right and wrong things to do - if you notice I often preface the things I say with statements like "in my experience" or "from what I've noticed"
your choice of words can make all the difference - and as I said I see that you are trying to help - but you come across very heavy handed..... it's just something to think about if you think you have something to say that can really help someone, then you may want to consider how you are phrasing it and whether it will come off as offensive or dictatorial.

if a person is turned off, I'm truly not offended by that, its okay, everyone isn't going to get it and so as it should be, you may be one of those people, I dunno but I'm not concerned about that either way. Your way of speaking has nothing to do with me, I could care either way how you paraphrase, I'm a grown woman, I have no need to pick what you say apart, I'm only concerned if a woman is picking up so she can change her world and change her relationships in a positive way, you feel what you feel and think what you think and I respect that, do I have to agree..no but I'm grown enough to know better.

my methods are heavy handed, they appeal to women that understand that, a lot of women here pick up and some don't, I don't expect everyone to appeal to me, I honestly am not concerned with the ones who don't...it is what it is, I'm not hear to hold anyones hands, or coddle them and coo at them, and when I say them, I'm speaking about anyone who can't pick up on how I relate.

them and they is any woman that continues to do the same thing and get the same results, it doesn't matter if the man is the same or different, most women continue to go from guy to guy playing out the same thing and getting the same results.

if you aren't they or them then it should not be of any concern to you

"if you aren't they or them then it should not be of any concern to you"

I am concerned about everyone and everything - I have a lot of libra in my chart.....
but if you don't care if people listen to you then why do you get so defensive?

not defensive, saying I don't care doesn't make me defensive, I'm simply stating a truth XF.

that's not the part I'm talking about - but to each his own........

ah - if I have accomplished nothing else today at least I've made you laugh