*working a full time job and going to school full time* ^^^^^
Space (Page 2)
You are on page out of 2 | Reverse Order
Nic, you little terd, you broke up my responses! 😛
"*working a full time job and going to school full time* ^^^^^"
Huh?
Huh?
Trust me guys...the talk was fine. I gauged it as far as he was comfortable. He initiated and he drove it. If he asked for details on my answers, then I gave it to him and I did the same. The one thing we like about each other is we are not afraid to say we don't understand the others' answer or not afraid to say we don't necessarily agree on something. we're on the same page with a lot of things. He accepts me; I accept him.
The space conversation was going to come up - it was inevitable. I have been feeling it for a while and he admitted it that he had been feeling it, too. We talked about more than just space. He told me that he sees me as someone in his long-term future and part of that future includes me meeting his friends and family because they're so important to him. He said that they don't know the strong connection we have, but they're nonetheless concerned with him moving fast and I understand this.
On the topic of space, he also mentioned that even when you are in a relationship you cannot give up your friends and your ME time. I told him I absolutely agreed with that because you shouldn't give up who you were before you met someone. When you meet someone who meshes with you so well and have so much in common should only want you to get to know their friends and increase your circle.
He did use the word "love" once, but he retracted it. He and I are very similar in the way we think. We like to absorb what we are going to say before we say it, but this particular time, he used "love" instead of "enjoy". I acted like I didn't hear it.
He can almost read my mind sometimes. When I told him how I felt about space, I got very quiet and he stood up behind me, embraced me and said "I'm not going anywhere"
So yeah, things are good right now. I dont' want my Libras and Scorps arguing...Hug and make up, ok? 🙂
The space conversation was going to come up - it was inevitable. I have been feeling it for a while and he admitted it that he had been feeling it, too. We talked about more than just space. He told me that he sees me as someone in his long-term future and part of that future includes me meeting his friends and family because they're so important to him. He said that they don't know the strong connection we have, but they're nonetheless concerned with him moving fast and I understand this.
On the topic of space, he also mentioned that even when you are in a relationship you cannot give up your friends and your ME time. I told him I absolutely agreed with that because you shouldn't give up who you were before you met someone. When you meet someone who meshes with you so well and have so much in common should only want you to get to know their friends and increase your circle.
He did use the word "love" once, but he retracted it. He and I are very similar in the way we think. We like to absorb what we are going to say before we say it, but this particular time, he used "love" instead of "enjoy". I acted like I didn't hear it.
He can almost read my mind sometimes. When I told him how I felt about space, I got very quiet and he stood up behind me, embraced me and said "I'm not going anywhere"
So yeah, things are good right now. I dont' want my Libras and Scorps arguing...Hug and make up, ok? 🙂
No need for hugs, we didn't even get that bad... We were just playing opinion tennis.
All is good with the world... 🙂
Alcheme
I think what you are saying is great in theory but not in practice.
* Or, they obviously don't want to be with me enough to make time for me.
Not at all. Obviously, they have their own life, friends, interests, hobbies. It is my expectation that my lover will have a life outside me. It is my expectation that my lover makes themselves happy and come back to me happy and fulfilled. It should be my lover's expectation that I do the same.
The way I see it, one way is personal responsibility, the other places blame on the other person. By having a big conversation, you are making the other person part of the problem. It is very subtle but very obvious to me.
Personally, I would never be in this situation as I would never spend 2 1/2 weeks non-stop with someone, so it is kind of a moot-point ... but when did that ever stop our discussions? lol!
There is nothing dishonest about making plans and living your own life. You should NEVER have to justify having your own life. If someone makes you feel bad because you have plans outside of them, red flags should be a waving!
What is there to communicate? You have plans. The communication is in that fact. Your partner should be satisfied with that.
* it is not about you, it is about them
I don't always say that. I say that about specific situations where it is obvious that the man in question is not emotionally available for various reasons.
* "I would more likely close down emotionally towards someone who asked for space and had a big discussion with me about it. I would feel lectured about not meeting their needs."
Having had a guy say he has plans tomorrow but will see me in a day or two has NEVER put my back up. Having had someone say they need space ALWAYS puts my back up. As I said, one I view as they are just busy, the other I view as personal rejection.
It is just a different way of dealing with the same situation. I MUCH, MUCH prefer my way. I believe in looking after things as easily and as smoothly as possible. Constant confrontation and talk about feelings would put me off. It would unbalance and upset me.
It is a good thing we aren't dating Alcheme, I don't think we wouldn't last. lol!
🙂
I think what you are saying is great in theory but not in practice.
* Or, they obviously don't want to be with me enough to make time for me.
Not at all. Obviously, they have their own life, friends, interests, hobbies. It is my expectation that my lover will have a life outside me. It is my expectation that my lover makes themselves happy and come back to me happy and fulfilled. It should be my lover's expectation that I do the same.
The way I see it, one way is personal responsibility, the other places blame on the other person. By having a big conversation, you are making the other person part of the problem. It is very subtle but very obvious to me.
Personally, I would never be in this situation as I would never spend 2 1/2 weeks non-stop with someone, so it is kind of a moot-point ... but when did that ever stop our discussions? lol!
There is nothing dishonest about making plans and living your own life. You should NEVER have to justify having your own life. If someone makes you feel bad because you have plans outside of them, red flags should be a waving!
What is there to communicate? You have plans. The communication is in that fact. Your partner should be satisfied with that.
* it is not about you, it is about them
I don't always say that. I say that about specific situations where it is obvious that the man in question is not emotionally available for various reasons.
* "I would more likely close down emotionally towards someone who asked for space and had a big discussion with me about it. I would feel lectured about not meeting their needs."
Having had a guy say he has plans tomorrow but will see me in a day or two has NEVER put my back up. Having had someone say they need space ALWAYS puts my back up. As I said, one I view as they are just busy, the other I view as personal rejection.
It is just a different way of dealing with the same situation. I MUCH, MUCH prefer my way. I believe in looking after things as easily and as smoothly as possible. Constant confrontation and talk about feelings would put me off. It would unbalance and upset me.
It is a good thing we aren't dating Alcheme, I don't think we wouldn't last. lol!
🙂
* It was a GOOD thing that we talked about it, had she just started saying she was busy and what not I would have known something was up, and have wondered why she couldn't talk to me about it.
But why does she have to justify taking time for herself to live her life, follow her interests?
There is no way I could live like that. There is no way I would expect a partner to live like that.
Of course, seeing someone three or four times a week to me is a huge commitment. I don't know when I would have time to see all my friends and get everything done.
I really believe you have to pace a relationship from the beginning to keep it balanced. But that is just me.
But why does she have to justify taking time for herself to live her life, follow her interests?
There is no way I could live like that. There is no way I would expect a partner to live like that.
Of course, seeing someone three or four times a week to me is a huge commitment. I don't know when I would have time to see all my friends and get everything done.
I really believe you have to pace a relationship from the beginning to keep it balanced. But that is just me.
Thank God Archer!
Good thing I am dating a Sag. lol!
Good thing I am dating a Sag. lol!
* On the topic of space, he also mentioned that even when you are in a relationship you cannot give up your friends and your ME time. I told him I absolutely agreed with that because you shouldn't give up who you were before you met someone. When you meet someone who meshes with you so well and have so much in common should only want you to get to know their friends and increase your circle.
This is it EXACTLY! Just make plans with your friends and keep your life going. Don't give it all up. He shouldn't either.
🙂
This is it EXACTLY! Just make plans with your friends and keep your life going. Don't give it all up. He shouldn't either.
🙂
Well, however balance was achieved .... I am glad everything has turned out well.
Alls well that ends well ... even if I don't agree with the method. 😛
Alls well that ends well ... even if I don't agree with the method. 😛
"But why does she have to justify taking time for herself to live her life, follow her interests?"
She didn't HAVE to, that was my whole point, and the reason that I appreciated it. No one has to justify themselves to anyone else, IMO however it shows a lot of respect and companionship....if a relationship is at that point, to do so.
If she hadn't been seeing him everyday for 2.5 weeks the point would be moot, your right. But she was, and at that point if the goal as you say is minimal confrontaion and maximum easy flow....I think it is necessary. It is situaitonal, and her situation called for conversation.
She didn't HAVE to, that was my whole point, and the reason that I appreciated it. No one has to justify themselves to anyone else, IMO however it shows a lot of respect and companionship....if a relationship is at that point, to do so.
If she hadn't been seeing him everyday for 2.5 weeks the point would be moot, your right. But she was, and at that point if the goal as you say is minimal confrontaion and maximum easy flow....I think it is necessary. It is situaitonal, and her situation called for conversation.
I guess this is a bad time to bring up the fact that I don't believe 100% honesty in a relationship works huh?
LOL!
Stop throwing things!
😛
LOL!
Stop throwing things!
😛
"There is nothing dishonest about making plans and living your own life. You should NEVER have to justify having your own life. If someone makes you feel bad because you have plans outside of them, red flags should be a waving!"
I never meant to imply that there was anything dishonest about having your own life. But, to some degree, there is something dishonest in having issues in a relationship that you choose not to share with the other person. The issue, in this case, being needing more space / ME time...
Nor do I think that anyone should have to justify having their own life. I merely think that should have enough respect and consideration for their partner (using the term loosely) in the relationship to be upfront and honest about issues that DO have to do with BOTH of them.
"but when did that ever stop our discussions? lol!"
LOL!
"By having a big conversation, you are making the other person part of the problem."
1) Again, not a big conversation.
2) I see it as sharing, not making a person PART of the problem. Relationships are two-way streets, and that includes communication (both good and bad). Relationships are giving and taking. Relationships are two-sided, in communication, consideration, and respect. And, not sharing is not two-sided.
"What is there to communicate? You have plans. The communication is in that fact. Your partner should be satisfied with that."
The fact that you have plans is, yes, communicated. The fact that you have been spending a bit too much time together and need more ME time is not. THAT is what needs to be communicated. And, again, it doesn't have to be a big production...
"I MUCH, MUCH prefer my way."
LOL!
"I believe in looking after things as easily and as smoothly as possible."
Me, too. I believe we are just foreseeing different problems. Perhaps indicative of preferring different types of men...
"Constant confrontation and talk about feelings would put me off."
I do not see light, objective discussions as constant confrontation. Merely because I am a Scorp, does not mean I cannot have a rational conversation and check my ego and feelings at the door (or atleast try)... LOL! 😉
"It is a good thing we aren't dating Alcheme, I don't think we wouldn't last. lol!"
OMG!!!!!!! We agree on something!!!! 😛
LOL!
I never meant to imply that there was anything dishonest about having your own life. But, to some degree, there is something dishonest in having issues in a relationship that you choose not to share with the other person. The issue, in this case, being needing more space / ME time...
Nor do I think that anyone should have to justify having their own life. I merely think that should have enough respect and consideration for their partner (using the term loosely) in the relationship to be upfront and honest about issues that DO have to do with BOTH of them.
"but when did that ever stop our discussions? lol!"
LOL!
"By having a big conversation, you are making the other person part of the problem."
1) Again, not a big conversation.
2) I see it as sharing, not making a person PART of the problem. Relationships are two-way streets, and that includes communication (both good and bad). Relationships are giving and taking. Relationships are two-sided, in communication, consideration, and respect. And, not sharing is not two-sided.
"What is there to communicate? You have plans. The communication is in that fact. Your partner should be satisfied with that."
The fact that you have plans is, yes, communicated. The fact that you have been spending a bit too much time together and need more ME time is not. THAT is what needs to be communicated. And, again, it doesn't have to be a big production...
"I MUCH, MUCH prefer my way."
LOL!
"I believe in looking after things as easily and as smoothly as possible."
Me, too. I believe we are just foreseeing different problems. Perhaps indicative of preferring different types of men...
"Constant confrontation and talk about feelings would put me off."
I do not see light, objective discussions as constant confrontation. Merely because I am a Scorp, does not mean I cannot have a rational conversation and check my ego and feelings at the door (or atleast try)... LOL! 😉
"It is a good thing we aren't dating Alcheme, I don't think we wouldn't last. lol!"
OMG!!!!!!! We agree on something!!!! 😛
LOL!
***I guess this is a bad time to bring up the fact that I don't believe 100% honesty in a relationship works huh?***
Wow and you don't think that is misleading LS? Deceptive even?
Wow and you don't think that is misleading LS? Deceptive even?
Wow! Very lively community ! I love reading all you guys ' viewpoints 🙂
"I guess this is a bad time to bring up the fact that I don't believe 100% honesty in a relationship works huh?"
Uhhhhh ohhhhhh here we go.
***scans room for objects that could possbly be used as projectiles and possible angles for manuever and cover***
LOL.
I'm just going to keep my mouth shut, sit back, and get something to eat now.
For the record I disagree....damnit I opened my mouth...
Must...hit....post.........
Uhhhhh ohhhhhh here we go.
***scans room for objects that could possbly be used as projectiles and possible angles for manuever and cover***
LOL.
I'm just going to keep my mouth shut, sit back, and get something to eat now.
For the record I disagree....damnit I opened my mouth...
Must...hit....post.........
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
I everyone - little ole me again - been trying to catch up on the reading. Cant always get on. So how is everyone
Hello, I m new and very shy but I love this board ! You all re wonderful !
I can read your types like an open book gonna make your types crawl I swear.
like stealing candy from a baby.
I randomly met an aqua on Saturday night (a friend of a friend). I posted the scenario on the aqua board under The Aqua
TANTRIC SEX is meditative, spontaneous and intimate lovemaking Through it you learn to prolong the act of making love an
I am new to this forum, so naturally I don't know if this has been discussed yet. However, I think it would make great c
My chart: Sun Scorpio in house Moon Sagittarius in house 5 Mercury Scorpio in house 4 Venus Scorpio in house
How would he handle hecklers? I'm a leo, but I would like to figure out a way to use his libran methods against hecklers
Hi, I'm a Libran male thatjust wants to say that I'm happy to be a new member of this forum. It's the most interesting
How Many Members of Your Sign Does It Take to Change a Lightbulb? ARIES: Just one. Wanna make something of it?
Are male libras jealous if they see their ex-woman sitting with another man who is physically beautiful after he may h
When pursuing a Libra is it better to be persistent and dedicated or to give up if the Libra is not responsive?
Lyrics - for all who can.. must listen to this song.. Dido - See You When You're 40 I've driven round in circle
I'm extremely tolorant,however virgos just seem to push that button with me, initially we get along then all of a sudden
You know I am always here reading your posts, but I am quiet coz I am not as good or experienced in psychoanalizing peop
you name it... you guys are just a bunch of exhibitionists, aren't you
Okay guys... Here it goes. He did call tonight at about 9:45, he said he had just walked in the door from class. It was
Okay, so I just recently met another Libra. She's a friend of a friend, and her friend talks about her all the time, and