Want to divorce my Sag husband but can't- so trapped

Been married for 8yrs now. Our marriage had very rough start, and he hurt me in many ways. I want to leave him but can't for several reasons (let's just say these are practical matters). After 3 nights of fighting and me saying I want to leave and him saying how he adores me (now) his Sag side comes out. He was saying to finalise the divorce but as I said I can't do that (not yet at least). Plus I don't want to leave him now cause I am doing better financially than him and I feel so guilty leaving him in a bad financial situation. I freaked out (though it was me saying I don't have feelings for him anymore and what not). Now I am looking at another few years of being married to him till situations improve. Wish me luck cause I may just take my life at some point cause I feel so trapped.

Posted by PostHuman

Posted by claire87

Been married for 8yrs now. Our marriage had very rough start, and he hurt me in many ways. I want to leave him but can't for several reasons (let's just say these are practical matters). After 3 nights of fighting and me saying I want to leave and him saying how he adores me (now) his Sag side comes out. He was saying to finalise the divorce but as I said I can't do that (not yet at least). Plus I don't want to leave him now cause I am doing better financially than him and I feel so guilty leaving him in a bad financial situation. I freaked out (though it was me saying I don't have feelings for him anymore and what not). Now I am looking at another few years of being married to him till situations improve. Wish me luck cause I may just take my life at some point cause I feel so trapped.

Feel better and shit, but you have the keys. You said you just don't wanna leave because you're better off than him. Fuck him.

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I can't, has to do with legal aspects - otherwise I would've packed my bags long ago

can you separate? can you spend a week away at least to get some perspective? stay with a friend? go on a retreat? city break?

there is always a solution. if you have to stay married, is there a way that it can work for both of you?

please don't take your life. nothing in life ever lasts. this has both positive and negative connotations but in this instance, this part of your life will end eventually. there is much more ahead for you that you can't even imagine. no matter how difficult this is, this is just temporary.

Girl. either leave or stop complaining.

You only have one life.

Posted by RooSagicorn

I don’t understand from what you’ve written.

You can’t leave for legal reasons.

You feel guilty for leaving because your better off than him.

You don’t love him anymore

You might kill yourself cuz you feel trapped.

Honestly the last one is the most important. If that’s true, you must leave. He will figure it out. But please tell us more because it’s very hard to give advice with this amount of information.

Thanks Roosagicorn. I can't leave him cause he spent our marriage to build me while not doing the same for himself. I now have an excellent career but he doesn't work. But the sad thing is that he has potential and can do more. I am on his visa and he has stipulated that if I were to leave I would have to divorce and leave which means I can't stay in the UK anymore and will need to go back. He will then go on benefits, and take his life downhill from there. That's my guilt that I know he has invested a lot in me, time and effort. I need to hang around for 3yrs more before I can live in the UK on my own grounds. It's a mess really and I feel like my life is going to be over anyways. Or I lie to him for 3 yrs, hang around and then leave which meant I wasted his years too. It's all such a big sloppy mess.

Posted by claire87

Posted by RooSagicorn

I don’t understand from what you’ve written.

You can’t leave for legal reasons.

You feel guilty for leaving because your better off than him.

You don’t love him anymore

You might kill yourself cuz you feel trapped.

Honestly the last one is the most important. If that’s true, you must leave. He will figure it out. But please tell us more because it’s very hard to give advice with this amount of information.

Thanks Roosagicorn. I can't leave him cause he spent our marriage to build me while not doing the same for himself. I now have an excellent career but he doesn't work. But the sad thing is that he has potential and can do more. I am on his visa and he has stipulated that if I were to leave I would have to divorce and leave which means I can't stay in the UK anymore and will need to go back. He will then go on benefits, and take his life downhill from there. That's my guilt that I know he has invested a lot in me, time and effort. I need to hang around for 3yrs more before I can live in the UK on my own grounds. It's a mess really and I feel like my life is going to be over anyways. Or I lie to him for 3 yrs, hang around and then leave which meant I wasted his years too. It's all such a big sloppy mess.

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ugh, don't cling to this country. it's going down the shitter. get out while you can.

Posted by RooSagicorn

I don’t understand from what you’ve written.

You can’t leave for legal reasons.

You feel guilty for leaving because your better off than him.

You don’t love him anymore

You might kill yourself cuz you feel trapped.

Honestly the last one is the most important. If that’s true, you must leave. He will figure it out. But please tell us more because it’s very hard to give advice with this amount of information.

Dismiss her killing her self over inability to divorce...pffffff...

***I'm sorry that sucks. Good thing you have money

You need to speak to legal council right away to understand your options and make a plan to leave with minimal drama when it comes to the finances.

Posted by Gemitati

Posted by RooSagicorn

I don’t understand from what you’ve written.

You can’t leave for legal reasons.

You feel guilty for leaving because your better off than him.

You don’t love him anymore

You might kill yourself cuz you feel trapped.

Honestly the last one is the most important. If that’s true, you must leave. He will figure it out. But please tell us more because it’s very hard to give advice with this amount of information.

Dismiss her killing her self over inability to divorce...pffffff...

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You’ve said the same exact shit on here. So calm your tatas

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by claire87

Posted by RooSagicorn

I don’t understand from what you’ve written.

You can’t leave for legal reasons.

You feel guilty for leaving because your better off than him.

You don’t love him anymore

You might kill yourself cuz you feel trapped.

Honestly the last one is the most important. If that’s true, you must leave. He will figure it out. But please tell us more because it’s very hard to give advice with this amount of information.

Thanks Roosagicorn. I can't leave him cause he spent our marriage to build me while not doing the same for himself. I now have an excellent career but he doesn't work. But the sad thing is that he has potential and can do more. I am on his visa and he has stipulated that if I were to leave I would have to divorce and leave which means I can't stay in the UK anymore and will need to go back. He will then go on benefits, and take his life downhill from there. That's my guilt that I know he has invested a lot in me, time and effort. I need to hang around for 3yrs more before I can live in the UK on my own grounds. It's a mess really and I feel like my life is going to be over anyways. Or I lie to him for 3 yrs, hang around and then leave which meant I wasted his years too. It's all such a big sloppy mess.

That’s a tough situation!! I don’t know, I just think you need to take care of yourself somehow in this mess so that you’re not feeling like killing yourself ya know? But definitely do the process to stay there without him. Sometimes it takes awhile to leave someone. It took me 3 years to leave my ex. Maybe use the time to see if there is something to recapture or work out with him.

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Thank you RooSagiCorn. Unfortunately there is no other avenue - believe me I would've gone down that if I could. Yes, I need to be patient, and hopefully set him up with something so that he is financially independent. I have lost feelings for him due to all the hurtful things (in private and in public) that he has done to me over the years. But he always says that he could have left me (which is true) but he never did. It is heartening and encouraging to see that you have managed to leave your ex and I believe you are happy now. I hope things work out for us both.

Posted by LaMadrina

if you care that much, divorce and pay alimony. that takes care of the helping him guilt. apply for permanent residency so you can live on your own. excuses solve nothing chica. at this point, you trap yourself.

she has to be here for 5 years before she can apply for residency. and from my understanding, she has been able to stay due to her husband's citizenship.

Posted by nanobot

If it is a matter of you actually feeling like you will commit suicide, then despite losing your visa and career, you should probably leave and go back home. Do you have family and friends at home that you can go back to?

If you can muster the strength and enjoy your life and career in the UK, then you should try to figure out a way to make thinge civil with your husband at least for another 3 years. You should go to therapy to speak to someone to alleviate some of the emotional burden. Help your husband the same way he helped you, 3 years is enough time for him to get his shit together. Helping him, will in turn alleviate some of the guilt you feel about him putting his life on hold for you. Focus on your mental and emotional health in any spare time, by going to the therapy sessions, mourning the loss of your relationship, and just taking care of yourself and rediscovering yourself in general. I think that these things are your best bet at setting your conscious free, and you will be able to move on with your life.

This is a difficult situation and I do feel empathy for you. But I see several solutions here and while it is not easy and it will hurt, you can overcome this and close this chapter of your life.

Things are civil between him and I atm but my latest behaviour and admissions have put him on guard. But yes you're right- I need to stick it out and help him prop himself up. I'm praying regularly that things work out for both of us. Thanks for taking the time to write these words of encouragement.

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by claire87

Posted by RooSagicorn

Posted by claire87

Posted by RooSagicorn

I don’t understand from what you’ve written.

You can’t leave for legal reasons.

You feel guilty for leaving because your better off than him.

You don’t love him anymore

You might kill yourself cuz you feel trapped.

Honestly the last one is the most important. If that’s true, you must leave. He will figure it out. But please tell us more because it’s very hard to give advice with this amount of information.

Thanks Roosagicorn. I can't leave him cause he spent our marriage to build me while not doing the same for himself. I now have an excellent career but he doesn't work. But the sad thing is that he has potential and can do more. I am on his visa and he has stipulated that if I were to leave I would have to divorce and leave which means I can't stay in the UK anymore and will need to go back. He will then go on benefits, and take his life downhill from there. That's my guilt that I know he has invested a lot in me, time and effort. I need to hang around for 3yrs more before I can live in the UK on my own grounds. It's a mess really and I feel like my life is going to be over anyways. Or I lie to him for 3 yrs, hang around and then leave which meant I wasted his years too. It's all such a big sloppy mess.

That’s a tough situation!! I don’t know, I just think you need to take care of yourself somehow in this mess so that you’re not feeling like killing yourself ya know? But definitely do the process to stay there without him. Sometimes it takes awhile to leave someone. It took me 3 years to leave my ex. Maybe use the time to see if there is something to recapture or work out with him.

Thank you RooSagiCorn. Unfortunately there is no other avenue - believe me I would've gone down that if I could. Yes, I need to be patient, and hopefully set him up with something so that he is financially independent. I have lost feelings for him due to all the hurtful things (in private and in public) that he has done to me over the years. But he always says that he could have left me (which is true) but he never did. It is heartening and encouraging to see that you have managed to leave your ex and I believe you are happy now. I hope things work out for us both.

Ah marriage is complicated. I didn’t actually want to leave, but I needed to. Hang in there and concentrate on you.

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Thanks Roosagicorn! I hope you're happier but I know what you mean about not wanting to leave but having to leave nonetheless. Big hug from me to you for your words of comfort.

Posted by nanobot

If it is a matter of you actually feeling like you will commit suicide, then despite losing your visa and career, you should probably leave and go back home. Do you have family and friends at home that you can go back to?

If you can muster the strength and enjoy your life and career in the UK, then you should try to figure out a way to make thinge civil with your husband at least for another 3 years. You should go to therapy to speak to someone to alleviate some of the emotional burden. Help your husband the same way he helped you, 3 years is enough time for him to get his shit together. Helping him, will in turn alleviate some of the guilt you feel about him putting his life on hold for you. Focus on your mental and emotional health in any spare time, by going to the therapy sessions, mourning the loss of your relationship, and just taking care of yourself and rediscovering yourself in general. I think that these things are your best bet at setting your conscious free, and you will be able to move on with your life.

This is a difficult situation and I do feel empathy for you. But I see several solutions here and while it is not easy and it will hurt, you can overcome this and close this chapter of your life.

You are right- I need to focus on my mental health while juggling my situation. There are solutions but all of them require me sticking it out for the time being. Thanks for taking the time to offer your kind words!

Posted by jeane

Posted by claire87

Posted by RooSagicorn

I don’t understand from what you’ve written.

You can’t leave for legal reasons.

You feel guilty for leaving because your better off than him.

You don’t love him anymore

You might kill yourself cuz you feel trapped.

Honestly the last one is the most important. If that’s true, you must leave. He will figure it out. But please tell us more because it’s very hard to give advice with this amount of information.

Thanks Roosagicorn. I can't leave him cause he spent our marriage to build me while not doing the same for himself. I now have an excellent career but he doesn't work. But the sad thing is that he has potential and can do more. I am on his visa and he has stipulated that if I were to leave I would have to divorce and leave which means I can't stay in the UK anymore and will need to go back. He will then go on benefits, and take his life downhill from there. That's my guilt that I know he has invested a lot in me, time and effort. I need to hang around for 3yrs more before I can live in the UK on my own grounds. It's a mess really and I feel like my life is going to be over anyways. Or I lie to him for 3 yrs, hang around and then leave which meant I wasted his years too. It's all such a big sloppy mess.

ugh, don't cling to this country. it's going down the shitter. get out while you can.

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Agreed, our country is about to be flushed to hell.

Whatever the consequences of leaving him are surely can't be worse than you dying.

If anything, the fact that you're having thoughts like that only emphasizes that you need to focus on healing yourself. That requires ending relationships that do not serve you.

Posted by claire87

Been married for 8yrs now. Our marriage had very rough start, and he hurt me in many ways. I want to leave him but can't for several reasons (let's just say these are practical matters). After 3 nights of fighting and me saying I want to leave and him saying how he adores me (now) his Sag side comes out. He was saying to finalise the divorce but as I said I can't do that (not yet at least). Plus I don't want to leave him now cause I am doing better financially than him and I feel so guilty leaving him in a bad financial situation. I freaked out (though it was me saying I don't have feelings for him anymore and what not). Now I am looking at another few years of being married to him till situations improve. Wish me luck cause I may just take my life at some point cause I feel so trapped.

Why are you feeling guilty? If he’s been emotionally or mentally abusive toward you, why the hell would you feel any type of guilt? Financial assistance doesn’t make it acceptable for someone to treat you so horrifically, bringing you to a point where you wish to take your own life. If it is that dire then cut your losses and leave him. Leave the man. Figure out if there is an alternative to applying for residency in the meantime or if you can opt for some other type of visa, but even if you can’t work it out and must go back home, I would leave. Nothing is worth making you feel as though you wish to take your own life. I believe life, our bodies, our mind, have a way of telling us that a situation must be avoided or left behind and sometimes it brings you to the absolute worst condition you can be in to push you and say ‘bitch, fucking drop the toxicity and the pain you’re going through because it is THAT serious now’. At which point you say, enough is enough. I’m done.

Posted by Dreamyboy

Posted by DrinkWater

You don't want to leave him because he will take you to the cleaners?

🤔 you listen to Sandman?

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Skin flakes or scalp flakes?