Well, Well, Well (Page 4)

The kid and a 21 yr old is still a kid in my book ... can't change the date of their birthday. Think about how you would feel if your parent said ... "yeah ... Sorry, I can't make your birthday dinner. I have a date."

One, no one is suggesting he didn't show up at the kid's (again grown kids) party at all. I would totally understand if my parent, especially a step parent said, " I will be there early, but I have another engagement (again he is the "parent" no need to explain what that engagement is) and have to dash a little early as well.

I would totally understand and at the ages of 16-21 I would wish they would get it over with already so I can have some real fun with friends...

Why would he do that?

It is probably a birthday dinner party. I think this guy is a great dad for going to his step-kiddies birthday dinner. If chatz wants kiddies, she should be thinking wow ... what a great dad.

I would. I am ... and I don't even like the little darlings.

I don't think it has anything to do with the ex trying to control him and wreck Chatz's life. I think there is a birthday party. It is at dinner time. He is expected to be there as part of the family.

Nic? Am I crazy?

Soooo as a fixed sign he should have handled it better. Consider all involved.

Sorry, ***as a fixed sign, I feel*** he should have handled it better.

16-21 yr olds act in a rational manner?

Since when. I am STILL pissed at my brother for my 16th birthday party because he was late and ruined it. I don't even like him.

lol!

Plus, his daughter is 7. They are trying to provide a stable environment and the illusion of family and stability for his daughter.

I know 30 yr olds who would be pissed if a family member bailed on a family event. Step member or not.

I actually just had a huge conversation about this last night with my friend. She considers her step-dad to be HER father. He has been her father since she was seven and filled that role in her life.

For some people, family is family. Period.

"It is probably a birthday dinner party. I think this guy is a great dad for going to his step-kiddies birthday dinner. If chatz wants kiddies, she should be thinking wow ... what a great dad."

That is what ours generally are. Appetizers, salad, dinner, dessert, coffee / after dinner drinks...

"I don't think it has anything to do with the ex trying to control him and wreck Chatz's life. I think there is a birthday party. It is at dinner time. He is expected to be there as part of the family."

I agree, I doubt it is the ex playing some game or trying to be manipulative. You can do that with your own kid but it would be a little hard with step kids unless the man REALLY considered them to be like his REAL kids, and then it would be more from his perspective than hers, I would think. My mother has been in similar situations given the dating age group she is in. I have seen situations where mothers DO try to continue to manipulate their ex's, but to immediately jump to that conclusion in this situation is a little unsupported so far.

"Sorry, ***as a fixed sign, I feel*** he should have handled it better."

Actually, probably more correct "as a water sign"... 😉

"I know 30 yr olds who would be pissed if a family member bailed on a family event. Step member or not."

Shoot, I would be and I am 28 yo. My mother would be and she is 48 yo. She would without a doubt be hurt if my step sister didn't show...

"For some people, family is family. Period."

Absolutely....


"Nic? Am I crazy?"

Sorry, he is on his way out of town right now. 😢

***I actually just had a huge conversation about this last night with my friend. She considers her step-dad to be HER father. He has been her father since she was seven and filled that role in her life.

For some people, family is family. Period.***

Family is family and if my real parents (who are divorced) had somewhere else to be and showed up for a few I would be happy, adults have lives, when you are that age you should be able to understand. He would have been there so there would have been a stable family environment for everyone for the time he was there period. He could have balanced those scales better.

All a matter of opinion, we can all go on forever with our different points of view. It is up to Chatz, not us. Definitely not me or things would be going a lot differently. We would both be clear on the situation immediately.

You know... Thinking about it, the difference may be that you have a daughter and were married for several years. Once people have children of their own (and / or get married), their views towards immediate family switch from their parents to their new immediate family and their parents become more of an extended family. I was married, but not long enough to ingrain the switch of my immediate family. Though, my family is luckily a very close one to begin with, so I am not entirely sure that will ever completely (no matter how much I sometimes wish it would, lol)...

Well, anyway, just a thought that popped into my mind. 🙂


"We would both be clear on the situation immediately."

LOL! I don't think anyone would be stupid enough to doubt that... 😛 😉

ok ok ok already LOL.....little did I think that particular post would bring so much advice and different opinions.....I've slept on it, gotten over it and agree, he makes a FABULOUS father and that is a part of him I dearly love - I have no qualms about him seeing his own daughter and even his step children, not at all...I admire him for this. Having said that though, he could have just said "sorry, Im not able to make dinner coz, yada yada" or "Im sorry, I plain forgot there was a b/day dinner with at my exes", but instead he just said "can't make it, got a b/day dinner at my exe's" and that was that....then a reply text saying "I don't intend on staying long so seeing you after will be fine" It would have been so much nicer had he said something like thank you for the offer and Im sorry to cancel, I'd like to make it up to you soon. Grrrrrrr

Anyway, having said all that, I guess I have to just move on, never even let him know how I have felt over the past couple of days and like LS said, roll with it.

Nic? I understand, boy do I understand. I honestly don't think he could find another that would be so understanding, somebody who doesn't question him all the time, somebody who doesn't nag him, who is as laid back as he is, yada yada.....I do, however, think I am seeing the real man now after almost 7 months...its not all nice as the layers unfold. Hopefully there aren't that many more layers LOL. And of course you guys only see a very small side of what does go on as we all do with eachothers little stories....what went down this week re: dinner? its only one of a few things that he does that are quite contemptuous but again, I will try to move on now and see him on Sunday night and see if he realises by himself (well one can hope anyway LOL). I will be good and not say anything, I will be my normal self and he will just never know - thank you all 🙂

Love ya to bits
xxx

Thank you Kenny 🙂 Great suggestion and wooooohoooooo@the Harley!!!

Goodnight even though its lunchtime here LOL

xx

Agree w/ HP: cheese & crackers. LOL.

He was a little cold in his replies but things don't translate well via email/text.

You should have said something like "sorry is a lovely word to hear. And quite effective. 😉"

Because you aren't really upset that he cancelled, you are upset that he didn't appologize for it. He probably didn't even think about it.

I realized myself that when I am in a hurry and texting it comes across as cold and it is completely unintentional.

Dang it Kenny, why did you have to mention the Harly...I was going to buy a bike this week but decided to hold off for a little while because me and my employer aren't getting along too well.

Chatz,

I see what you are saying, and I could kind of tell that is how you were feeling, about the layers unfolding and all. The reason I am so set on rolling with it is because I personally, would want to see how much the layers ufold before confronting issues. I think you have the right mindset, you really like this guy but at the same time your aware that he might not be the right one and still has some issues. I HOPE this all works out in your favor. I wasn't trying to defend him necessarily because the bottom line is he is REALLY lucky to have you after all of this.

Just a few more cents (not necessarily sense): nic', a best friend wouldn't treat Chatz that way. And who's surprised for a minute I have a crush on that awesome girl. Doesn't EVERYONE here? She's been nothing but a Class Act all the way. SHE got over it sooner than I did! On the other hand, I've just had a similar situation with Libra Girl----so that definitely skews my point of view----AND feelings!

Not throwing stones at you, nic'----just my opinion INPUT may be more valuable then insisting on seeing all sorts of points of view. The guy came off as selfish and insensitive. No reason to justify it.

"Not throwing stones at you, nic'----just my opinion INPUT may be more valuable then insisting on seeing all sorts of points of view."

Input without seeing all points of veiw is simply reaction.

True, nic', but most times we never see all points of view. We certainly haven't seen HIS point of view. So, based on what we know, we react as human beings according to our own reasoning and moral code. I admire your attempt to gather all the viewpoints, but also think we have a very good idea of this guy's nature from all of Chatz' previous posts.

Atom,

That is a really good point. And I do think in reality the way you are looking at it will prove to be right in the end. It may be unreasonable, but in being true to myself I have to argue that the bottom line, while you are probably right, is that we are missing a crucial perspective and to act in the right you have to act taking that into consideration and give the bennefit of the doubt to at least some extent. You just have to for the decision to be right in the end. That way there is no room for arguement on weather or not one did the right thing objectively.

Chances are you are COMPLETELY right, but it's not 100% and I need 100% .

thanks guys - really appreciate it. OK the night went well...I bit my tongue and of course it took only moments to be caught up in that Libran charm once again and yesssssssssssss just as I thought he'd do...he brought along that sexy 3 day growth LOL. I didn't ask questions, we didn't bring up the dinner thing at all and we had a great night. Sometimes I guess things are best left unsaid and at the end of the day I got to spend time with him which of course was the best possible outcome 🙂 Boy am I tired today though, not the best way to start the working week *sigh*

Anyway, all is well but Im hoping he doesnt make a habit of what went down coz then I think I have a problem.

Oh one little thing and it is NOT a problem for me, I just think it odd....he went to play Football on Saturday and his ex text him asking him whether he could bring a McDonalds meal for her older daughter (16) on his way over to collect his own daughter for the night. He did it LOL.

Doggone it, I only have a TWO day growth beard. . .

Chatz, he's showing his priorities. One of which is not shaving. LOL

*laffs hysterically*

Nah, he always shaved before seeing me until the last couple of times I've see him - he's made a point of giving me my little "fetish" LOL

oh and only 1 day to go and you can show me your face!!! *giggles*

***I will try to move on now and see him on Sunday night and see if he realises by himself (well one can hope anyway LOL). I will be good and not say anything, I will be my normal self and he will just never know***

Unless you are willing to accept this without feeling you are being short changed. This would be a bad idea. The resentment will only build if it happns again if you don't express to him how it makes you feel and give him a chance to explain his point of view and you both get a clear understanding. However, if you accept this and honestly not let it bother you than so be it.

My opinion of course.

***Anyway, all is well but Im hoping he doesnt make a habit of what went down coz then I think I have a problem.***

Why wwouldn't he do it again, if he doesn't know there is something wrong with it, or it bothers you - think about it, would it even be fair to get upset with him over it if it happens again and you never told him it bothered you?

I hear ya and if he should do that again, I'd certainly raise it. At the end of the day he gave me plenty of time to let me know he couldn't make the dinner (its not like he left it to the last minute), I don't know whether he just forgot about the arrangement with the ex or whatever.....trust me I was fuming at the time and again, if it happens again, it'll be an issue I can't turn a blind eye to and I'll need to discuss it with him *hates confrontation as much as Librans* LOL

Sometimes though I do have to wonder whether he still has feelings for the ex...and yes before all you Librans jump in and say you like being friends with your exes, I understand he doesnt want to rock any boats, etc. I understand ok— don't throw any shoes coz I believe LS has her eyes on them all!!!

Guess time will tell as to how this will all pan out - too exhausted to even worry at the moment....done way too much of it in the past and I need sleep!! Pity its only 2.00pm and Im at work!!

Well, you cannot blame the Libra for receiving a text. If he then said 'uhm no, why don't you cook?' then he'd have a crap day. Then it would be much harder to have fun afterwards :-)

Also, if you're happy inside you have a lot of space for little/unimportant things.

And, what star sign is the ex?

aqua

ooooooh aqua...he's not changing hehehehe

* don't throw any shoes coz I believe LS has her eyes on them all!!!

I do! There mine!
hee hee!

Tiki, the ex is the Aqua.

Or what did you mean?

oh libra I'm at work,I misread, most times I have to speed read (:

I thought she was saying that her current beau is an Aqua

current beau is a libra...right? duh...again I'm at work so I don't have the luxury of keeping up the way I should.

This is a Libra board... So yes :-)

Ummmm.....
He will always "have feelings for her" we don't unlove, like newtons law of energy it doesn't stop it only changes form when a libra is concerned, it applies to love. So, what he felt for her romantically will be transformed to a more practical or ideal kind of feeling. Them being an ideal match astrologically, and both air signs they will probably always have an intillectual connection, they probably get each others thoughts going and the like. They were probably never overly emotional or affectionate to begin with so I wouldn't worry about those comming to fruition.

The thing is, your probably a huge breath of fresh air. He probably has other placements that are more emotional which is why he is the way he is when it comes to her, or maybe not he might have a complete lack of emotional signs in placements which instead of being displayed as lack of emotion, it is usually displayed as lack of emotional security. They can run really strong without getting a good handle as to the rhyme or reason behind it, which it sounds like he is a bit like me where it knocks him on his ass until it can all be reduced into thought instead of feeling, where we have a good handle on it.

You being a sign of emotion probably intrigues him and could add to his life the emotional recognition and security he lacks on his own. He probably sees this as a strength of yours.

I think you hanled it right, I agree with everyone else that something has to be done if this behavior continues but you are in an advantagous place to observe and disect his behavior, that would have been cancelled if there was a large emotional reaction on his part. i have a feeling he is not going to get it when stuff like that comes up, instead of understanding exactly what you mean it will probably get lost in translation somewhere and instead of him dealing with it as you do he will internalize it and feel like he has to walk on eggshells. So..when/if it happens be stern but use a lot of logic and reason with him so he gets it.

***trust me I was fuming at the time and again, if it happens again, it'll be an issue I can't turn a blind eye to and I'll need to discuss it with him *hates confrontation as much as Librans* LOL***

Your call, if you had raised the question now, you wouldn't have to worry about it happening again...

sometimes it just isnt worth it

ROTFL@Message posted by: Chatz on 4/30/2007 6:58:51 PM ip: xxx.xxx.xxx.129
sometimes it just isnt worth it

Chatz have I rubbed off on you (:

do whats best for you sweety...be strong my sista *raises fist in the air*

LOL....sometimes it just isnt worth making waves...the good outweighs the bad so why cause more trouble than its worth? I knew what I was getting into with my Libran, had my eyes wide open, wasn't expecting the "exclusive thing" at this stage given how he has been so its baby steps and I've got a lot more than what I had before....he is worth me keeping my head on straight rather than get caught up in silly emotions....that's what you guys are for!!! me to vent LOL

Go ahead Chatz! Do the dayum thang lmao!!

I knew you would figure it out...go head gurl! ::cabbage patching::

::shinning and grinning::

"They were probably never overly emotional or affectionate to begin with so I wouldn't worry about those comming to fruition"...uh huh he has spoken a LOT about that and how in the last 2 years they were together they had only done the wild thing 4 times!!! Yikes!!!

I handled the situation right? thanks, I do think so....sometimes I just wonder whether its a huge test and whether he's just making sure he keeps his independance which he treasures so much - don't we all? the emotional thing as a strength? well maybe....I posted something on the "Libran stare" thingy about how he got me that emotional (not verbally, but visually in a GOOD way)...it was like something he'd never witnessed before and he looked at me in a way I'd also never witnessed before...strange but somehow really comforting now and OMG I cannot get it out of my head. Alright I need a moment - memories!!! *fans herself*

OK Im going - Im supposed to be working - oh God, what he does to me!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrr LOL

😉

lol tiki....you want me to lose it?? LOL

Im too happily on cloud 9 at the moment *giggles* \

Maybe in a couple of days when I haven't heard from him for a while, although we did catch up last night on chat....which in itself is strange too - usually wouldn't hear from him for days....OMG its all so good!!!

Chats,

YOU ROCK.

That is all.

a compliment from a LIbran?? omg cloud 9 is nothing now!!!

Thanks buddy...always appreciate your advice 🙂

Just out of interest....what do I do now? leave him be for a few days? Im not sure as to how to act now LOL....its been such a confusing ride and I dont want to stuff up now!! Guess he made the effort last night to catch up on msn, and we left it at goodnight, catch up soon....there's that famous Libran "soon" thing!! so what now? I would have thought it'd get easier but nup 😛

Was thinking about sending him a text reminding him what he did to me but hmmmmm dunno...usually when this pops in my head I go ahead and do it but now?? OMG I dunno.

Where on earth is Brats—?? I miss her 😢 and Atom!!!!!!!

hmmmm actually there's a thought...they're both missing...hmmmmmm!!!! Perhaps Bratsy put on that mermaid outfit— LOL

Good luck Chatz.

Sorry, I don't know what I was thinking. Let me try that again.

Chatz,

your NICE.

That is all.

😛 lol

trust me, if I were closer I'd smack ya one for that!!! cheeky bugger!!

There's a great question actually....WTF is so hard about giving a compliment, especially when you LURVE them yourselves—

Oh and can I send an e-smack??

*looks around*

*bobbing and weaving*

What? You wanna rassle?!

*challenging stare*

Sry. I hade to make a joke of it. Honestly I don't know what is so hard about us complimenting.....but there has to be something too it. It seems like the more we care/love the less we actually compliment. I think we are really subtle and wordy with our compliments. Like we describe a situation in a positive light regarding you or another person and that is a compliment to us. When we do compliment outright it seems like it's just "thrown out there" like we suck at the straitforeward compliments.

I was just teasing you. You are like 8 flavors of ROCK.

nic' is handling things just fine.

😉

LOL oh NIc, I know you were teasing!!!

Rassle?? bring it on!!!

Hmmm ok that kinda makes sense sorta in a weird way re: compliments, I think. Like I said, the few and far between ones— they mean more than the real biggies LOL

I dunno. I disagree.

I give compliments all the time. People don't have enough joy in this life. Why hold back when you can make someone's day a little brighter?

I am pro-compliments in 2007!