When the spell is broken (Page 4)

****Who we are is what we do when no one is looking. How can you know that unless you are watching?

The feelings may be true but that doesn't mean they are based on anything real.****

I'd have to agree with you 100% . I did the LDR and it turned out to be very misleading. When I moved closer and we started to spend more time I was able to make observations and life experiences that could never be ascertained from online dialog. Some things got better for me from the observation and interaction but other things became apparent were things I was not going to accept since I had moved closer. (ie: disappearing and lack of regular communication and contact the way he spoke to strangers, etc.)

* became apparent were things I was not going to accept since I had moved closer. (ie: disappearing and lack of regular communication and contact the way he spoke to strangers, etc.)

This is exactly what I mean.

Unfortunetly, nothing in life is static. Everything changes from moment to moment. But our character is fairly set and much harder to change and you can't determine character from dialogue alone.

(( Yes. But you know their ideas NOT their character.

When you meet in real life, the fantasy may be gone ... cause the physical chemistry is not there.))

It was never wrong with a gemini or aqua on the other side(have met a few). Our frequency of communication generates all those details as i have figured out. With others its all ideas and a wonderland we imagine.

You don't know that because you haven't been in a long term committed relationship with any of these girls where you live in the same city/town so you really can't say that.

I have to agree with Little Sparrow (finally 🙂).

You really need to meet in person to determine chemistry.

And you need to observe actions as well as listening to what they say.

Brilliant, LS!

Oh my... this thread is still going?

(( You don't know that because you haven't been in a long term committed relationship with any of these girls where you live in the same city/town so you really can't say that. ))

thats true. But I somehow make that attempt to fill in the blanks by getting to know the same person through different from a variety of angles. For eg, I dont trust a person who dont talk about their friends or family or childhood. I start talking about mine(meant to take them back in memory) and a normal person is suppose to contribute unless they have something serious to hide. I make them talk about their interactions with others and what they think about themselves. Anyone with a definite set of belief system is ignored right away. Then I always check the time they take to answer. Sometimes you can sense an attempt to hide or lie by the time factor alone and then the vagueness of the reply. After so much of experiments, i got used to the system. I have failed in the beginning and let the gemini lie to me. I had to run with 3-4 parallel theories for long. But it made me way careful and forced me to avoid any possible manipulations. The moment I suspect they lied, I tell them openly that they just made me suspicious and i need more explanation these days. If i think they are not what they say they are, I accuse them straight away(in a playful way) and see how they respond and react. Their reaction explains more or reconfirms your doubt.

When you do this exercise for long with many Geminis or aquas, you can see the pattern of their behavior and thinking process. There is nothing much to be assumed other than the information part. I wanted some permanent friends irrespective of the city I live in. And I made it. Else its a pain to keep making new new friends every time i move into a new country with a whole new language and culture.

* I have to agree with Little Sparrow (finally ).

Hey! I object! I think! lol!

*****. The moment I suspect they lied, I tell them openly that they just made me suspicious and i need more explanation these days. If i think they are not what they say they are, I accuse them straight away(in a playful way) and see how they respond and react. Their reaction explains more or reconfirms your doubt.********But I somehow make that attempt to fill in the blanks*******

This is your idea and formula for getting to know someone— And you talk about other people being judgmental?? There are many reasons people would not want you prying into their past. To hide something, yes maybe. But there is also other purposes: To forget something horrible that even discussing it is like reliving it and therefore the reluctance to share it is suppressed because it only causes pain, abuse, etc, etc. Your need to "know" and pry can also cause suspicion in the other persons mind. There would certainly be a hesitation in their response to discussing something with you if they weren't comfortable with you probing or asking in the first place. Just because YOUR process in getting to know someone is defined by making assumptions and "filling in the blanks", it is not how other people get to know a person. It is thru familiarity and observations obtained over time just as LS said.

Perhaps people see thru you more then you realize and that may be why it is difficult for you to relate to others and not the other way around.
*****I wanted some permanent friends irrespective of the city I live in. And I made it. Else its a pain to keep making new new friends every time i move into a new country with a whole new language and culture.******

I travel extensively due to my career and I have NEVER had the kinds of "problems" you seem to have making friends or getting to know someone regardless of the culture. There are good people in the world and bad people. We all have differences. The greatest challenge is conceding the right of others to be different from ourselves and accepting them for it. Sometimes good people turn out to be bad people. It is thru that familiarity and observations in person (not on line) that you learn these things (and more)

You only travel. I relocate. Its a big difference. And we are shy people. We dont enjoy taking any risk before we get a clear understanding of local culture.

Prying into others happens only with online friends and only when they screw up the trust factor. Fear of confronting the past is a common problem. You cannot run away or forget something by not talking it. Without knowing every last detail, when you say you know someone, its just a lie. You dont know what controls their thinking and activities. Its important to reverse engineer a persons psychology to remain non judgemental and avoid assuming totally wrong things. I agree its against social ethics. But its the main reasons why society is quite emotional and vulnerable imho. If a person has a mental block in being honest, then they have to be forced to be honest. If she has a problem with being honest, then I have a problem with trust.

Familiarity is a very complicated factor. Most times this same familiarity blinds ur reason. When you watch a movie for the first time, you will try to see everything. Second time you see the same movie, you will start ignoring many parts. Slowly you wont get to notice those very common factors which keep repeating. All we do is to refer back to our memory and read the existing information. We dont process it all over again. There we lose details.

*****You only travel. I relocate. Its a big difference. And we are shy people.****

Yes I travel as I said... but I also live for weeks and months at a time traveling to the same places with a temporary residence status as well as new places. It is not just a hit and run, in and out, fleeting experience as you assume. In addition, there in lies your problem:

***** And we are shy people. We dont enjoy taking any risk before we get a clear understanding of local culture.***** YOUR shyness and inability to take risks is clouding your "judgment" and holding you back from experiencing a deeper profound experience outside your "mind". You proclaim you're so "in touch" with knowing so much and yet you don't know squat about feelings because, by your own admission, you avoid them, supress them, or just deny them.

The Libra I know is NOT a shy person. He is extremely social as are many Libras. It's one of LIbras charming qualities.

(( by your own admission, you avoid them, supress them, or just deny them. ))

Yea I do. Bcoz I know for sure that I will be moving from that country in a few months time. And I dont want to carry some emotional baggage with me leaving someone behind. I dont go back to one single city like you. I just wander around. At least thats how I have been so far. Even now its itching for me to move to next country but decided to stick around here for another year so I can finish my book and possible see the Aries girl more.

Good luck with the Aries girl.