Having kids, yay or nay? (Page 2)

Posted by Metatron

Posted by MyStarsShine

Posted by Metatron

Posted by MyStarsShine

Wow, she has a need to be a mum and you’re putting yourself first ...

In a sense, yes, but firstly I don't agree that it is a need, nor does my partner. If there are any needs related to parenting I think they're more so related to the children who already exist and lack parents/resources/proper care, etc. I don't see having children as an area where you should put your own views/desires on the matter aside, and compromise as a sort of concession to someone else's dream. If its planned, I think both people should wholeheartedly want to bring another being into existence in the current state of the world, or its unfair to all parties involved. I think that should be a strong moral compulsion for everyone actually - to act according to your own desires, when it comes to having children. If they're in alignment with someone else's, great.

And its not just my desire to live my life a certain way, but also my desire to raise one child and focus on her needs w/o dividing that attention (I already lose 50% of her time, and her biological mom has her attention divided between 3 children, and often whoever she's dating). For my partner, at least currently, she's putting her desire to be with me, over her desire to be with someone she can have a child with, and as I said I don't hold her back on that. In fact, that's one of the first things we discussed when we initially got serious. I've been up front about the fact that I don't want another kid since we first met, we've discussed it at length together, with a counselor, close friends, etc., and there are all sorts of other factors and options involved. One is a discussion around adopting when my daughter moves out, which I'm somewhat more open around. We'll see how it goes, but I don't carry any guilt for not wanting to have a child w/someone. I already feel like my freedom on the matter was hindered drastically the first time around (my ex did not tell me she came off the pill).

You missed my point.....for lots of women there is a biological yearning to be pregnant, to carry a child, give birth and nurture that child. If they don't and then it becomes too late, it can be heartbreaking for them. I was with one of my friends who is now past childbearing years tell me how much she regretted her decision not to have a child. I really felt for her....she says she slips into a feeling of "emptiness" from time to time 😥.

I guess the lesson for men that don't want babies...always wear condoms...

I don't think I missed that point. I'd say that's all common knowledge, and as stated, that's a decision she has to make (to be with someone who wants children), and is free to make, based on her desires. I've read that condoms are only about 85% effective, so if you're only going to use one method, its not the safest. Pill is closer to 99.7 so you should probably double up.

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Yes double up for sure.....don't forget to wear a condom with your lady if you don't want any more babies. Some people are very fertile...my sister, mother and myself all got pregnant the flrst time we didn't use protection

The pill is really bad for the health....it screws the body up. I took it for a while and it made me sick