OCD

How hard would this be for a partner to handle?

Is it a matter of being understanding or ways to handle so you aren’t the target of reactions?

I really am the type of person who will be understanding, but at the same time I want to be treated well. Go figure!

How difficult is it for the partner for those with experience in this?

Posted by PuzzlePieces

I really am the type of person who will be understanding, but at the same time I want to be treated well. Go figure!

What do you mean by this? Just trying to understand how you think you will be treated.

What is he OCD about?

I personally couldn't do it. Life is complicated enough than trying to deal with someone else's mental illness. Especially one that can and will impact the relationship.

Posted by PuzzlePieces

How hard would this be for a partner to handle?

Is it a matter of being understanding or ways to handle so you aren’t the target of reactions?

Depends on the nature of the OCD and how the person struggling with OCD attempts to manage this. Someone that fears even a spec of dirt in their home will go about resolving this fear very differently than someone that fears germs and simply needs to constantly wash their hands. One has an impact on you as a partner in terms of how you carry yourself, what you can/can not track into the home, while the other, not so much (aside from running through hand wash often).

I think any issue someone else is struggling with requires patience and tolerance. You really only become a target (if I am understanding this correctly) if you trigger their anxiety in some way, or show a lack of tolerance towards their ritual to manage the anxiety.

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by PuzzlePieces

I really am the type of person who will be understanding, but at the same time I want to be treated well. Go figure!

What do you mean by this? Just trying to understand how you think you will be treated.

click to expand

By reacting to things that bother them, and acting in hurtful ways like something is wrong with you and you need to change to make them feel better.

Not that they wouldn’t treat you well when they aren’t bothered by something. But are you going to be dealing with hurtful behavior all the time?

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by PuzzlePieces

How hard would this be for a partner to handle?

Is it a matter of being understanding or ways to handle so you aren’t the target of reactions?

Depends on the nature of the OCD and how the person struggling with OCD attempts to manage this. Someone that fears even a spec of dirt in their home will go about resolving this fear very differently than someone that fears germs and simply needs to constantly wash their hands. One has an impact on you as a partner in terms of how you carry yourself, what you can/can not track into the home, while the other, not so much (aside from running through hand wash often).

I think any issue someone else is struggling with requires patience and tolerance. You really only become a target (if I am understanding this correctly) if you trigger their anxiety in some way, or show a lack of tolerance towards their ritual to manage the anxiety.

click to expand

I triggered anxiety & it wasn’t even true.

That's what I mean. I don't have the patience to work through that.

Posted by saggurl88

What is he OCD about?

Well so far, the dog peeing in the house and can’t get the smell out.. which I couldn’t smell by the way.

As for me, mouth noises.. which was due to my bridge problem which created a fear of something wrong with me.

He’s super organized & clean which seems normal with OCD.

He told me last night that he was willing to tell me when something was bothering him right away, so it wouldn’t fester for a week ( like what happened) so we would avoid the reaction I got towards me. I mean it sounds like a good solution but I’m just worried what this might look like. On the other hand, should I not assume the worst?

Posted by geminiflyby

That's what I mean. I don't have the patience to work through that.

Yeah I’m not sure I can. Feel in protective mode at the moment. He is trying though & trying to learn, adjust, give solutions.

So even if you explain thing are out of your control he treat you this way

“like something is wrong with you and you need to change to make them feel better. “ frankly I don’t see that as OCD but someone who is controlling. OCD will be focusing on washing hand 100x scrubbing that floor until that dog pee is gone

Not just telling you how your wrong all the time. I guess you’ll be walking on eggshells all the time.

Posted by Gobbie

Nope. It's bad enough dating women with insecurities they refuse to address or rein in, let alone one with OCD to boot.

I'm no masochist. Fuck that!

And if the person with OCD is committed to learning, growing, and actually addressing things? In a world of most people ignoring their issues. 🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️ I might be a masochist but trying not to be. Too understanding for my own good. Maybe it’s a test. lol

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by PuzzlePieces

How hard would this be for a partner to handle?

Is it a matter of being understanding or ways to handle so you aren’t the target of reactions?

Depends on the nature of the OCD and how the person struggling with OCD attempts to manage this. Someone that fears even a spec of dirt in their home will go about resolving this fear very differently than someone that fears germs and simply needs to constantly wash their hands. One has an impact on you as a partner in terms of how you carry yourself, what you can/can not track into the home, while the other, not so much (aside from running through hand wash often).

I think any issue someone else is struggling with requires patience and tolerance. You really only become a target (if I am understanding this correctly) if you trigger their anxiety in some way, or show a lack of tolerance towards their ritual to manage the anxiety.

I triggered anxiety & it wasn’t even true.

click to expand

Hmph. Well, I'd suggest you get a better sense of the actual nature of the OCD (e.g. germs, neat freak) vs this generalize "I have OCD" label so that this can give you a better sense of what to manage differently. Neat freak, you simple put your stuff away. Germs, well....that's a bit trickier. It will save you from the repeated discussions about what you did "wrong".

It can be work, again depending on the severity.

Some people will make you feel like you need to change who you are, while some will ask you to just work with them a bit. Hopefully he is the latter.

Posted by Truemara

So even if you explain thing are out of your control he treat you this way

“like something is wrong with you and you need to change to make them feel better. “ frankly I don’t see that as OCD but someone who is controlling. OCD will be focusing on washing hand 100x scrubbing that floor until that dog pee is gone

Not just telling you how your wrong all the time. I guess you’ll be walking on eggshells all the time.

I called him out on it, and he agreed he was wrong, apologized & even told me his daughter is furious with him.

It was in the moments of having trouble. That reaction is my concern. Like no! That is not ok.

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by saggurl88

What is he OCD about?

Well so far, the dog peeing in the house and can’t get the smell out.. which I couldn’t smell by the way.

As for me, mouth noises.. which was due to my bridge problem which created a fear of something wrong with me.

He’s super organized & clean which seems normal with OCD.

He told me last night that he was willing to tell me when something was bothering him right away, so it wouldn’t fester for a week ( like what happened) so we would avoid the reaction I got towards me. I mean it sounds like a good solution but I’m just worried what this might look like. On the other hand, should I not assume the worst?

click to expand

You can send him this picture for the pet odor and ask if he's tried it. A little goes a long way and it works better then a lot of products on the market.



As for your bridge problems, you have a dental appointment set to get it readjusted or fixed, right?

My Leo is like that with his house. Super clean and a minimalist. His place looks like he just moved in and he's been there forever. I don't know how he keeps the place so damn clean. He probably cleans at every waking hour - Crazy!

As far as what he's told you- He's finding a compromise to the misunderstanding that previously happened. So you can either see if it's genuine or choose to not try to work with him.

What exactly are you worried about if the compromise hasn't had a chance to play out? You won't know if he means what he says until it actually happens.

I'm not sure what "assume the worst" means, but you aren't giving him the benefit of doubt that he can be responsible for his actions and try.

It would be another issue altogether if something happened and he didn't keep his word, but nothing has happened yet.

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by saggurl88

What is he OCD about?

Well so far, the dog peeing in the house and can’t get the smell out.. which I couldn’t smell by the way.

As for me, mouth noises.. which was due to my bridge problem which created a fear of something wrong with me...

click to expand

Eh......I don't know. How far is this into the courtship and he's complaining about something you can not control? Sounds like it's going to start to make you feel self conscious about yourself, so its your call in how much of that you can handle---or simply vocalize (at some point) that his need to be "just so" is contributing to how you feel around him.

Personally, I think it's too early to be complaining about a potential partner imo. You need your remote controls lines up exactly 2 inches apart, cool I can deal with that. I'm "breathing too loud?" Cool. Catch me at my funeral then. Deuces.

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by saggurl88

What is he OCD about?

Well so far, the dog peeing in the house and can’t get the smell out.. which I couldn’t smell by the way.

As for me, mouth noises.. which was due to my bridge problem which created a fear of something wrong with me.

He’s super organized & clean which seems normal with OCD.

He told me last night that he was willing to tell me when something was bothering him right away, so it wouldn’t fester for a week ( like what happened) so we would avoid the reaction I got towards me. I mean it sounds like a good solution but I’m just worried what this might look like. On the other hand, should I not assume the worst?

You can send him this picture for the pet odor and ask if he's tried it. A little goes a long way and it works better then a lot of products on the market.



As for your bridge problems, you have a dental appointment set to get it readjusted or fixed, right?

My Leo is like that with his house. Super clean and a minimalist. His place looks like he just moved in and he's been there forever. I don't know how he keeps the place so damn clean. He probably cleans at every waking hour - Crazy!

As far as what he's told you- He's finding a compromise to the misunderstanding that previously happened. So you can either see if it's genuine or choose to not try to work with him.

What exactly are you worried about if the compromise hasn't had a chance to play out? You won't know if he means what he says until it actually happens.

I'm not sure what "assume the worst" means, but you aren't giving him the benefit of doubt that he can be responsible for his actions and try.

It would be another issue altogether if something happened and he didn't keep his word, but nothing has happened yet.

click to expand

Yes that’s why I’m going by his house after work tonight. See how it goes, see how I’m feeling. He’s asked me to go to Vegas with him this weekend, and daughter & her husband. No monkey business just go & have fun. I’m not sure, but it would be fun lol. I really do like all the other things about him so far 🤪 oh & btw he is going to replace the carpet and get flooring due to the dog. He put in a doggie door which is what I suggested a week ago. But guess she’s been doing more going to the bathroom in the house ( before doggy door) so he doesn’t know what’s going on with her.

I have a normal appointment in December with the dentist but probably do need to call about it. It feels like it’s starting to detach. Just like somethings off. Crazy the timing.

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by saggurl88

What is he OCD about?

Well so far, the dog peeing in the house and can’t get the smell out.. which I couldn’t smell by the way.

As for me, mouth noises.. which was due to my bridge problem which created a fear of something wrong with me...

Eh......I don't know. How far is this into the courtship and he's complaining about something you can not control? Sounds like it's going to start to make you feel self conscious about yourself, so its your call in how much of that you can handle---or simply vocalize (at some point) that his need to be "just so" is contributing to how you feel around him.

Personally, I think it's too early to be complaining about a potential partner imo. You need your remote controls lines up exactly 2 inches apart, cool I can deal with that. I'm "breathing too loud?" Cool. Catch me at my funeral then. Deuces.

click to expand

He was trying to not make a big deal of it, and then I guess that day was a bad day for other reasons too.. this is why he said he’d tell me if something was bugging him right away instead of waiting til it was a big problem. It is yet to be determined if it will be you have to change because that’s not happening. It was about how I handle my issue that pissed me off. It is my choice not just a way to make him comfy & certainly this early!!

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by PhoenixRising

Posted by PuzzlePieces

I really am the type of person who will be understanding, but at the same time I want to be treated well. Go figure!

What do you mean by this? Just trying to understand how you think you will be treated.

By reacting to things that bother them, and acting in hurtful ways like something is wrong with you and you need to change to make them feel better.

Not that they wouldn’t treat you well when they aren’t bothered by something. But are you going to be dealing with hurtful behavior all the time?

click to expand

Sounds like my ex before the breakup. He only did it a couple of times, but I believe the things would have got worse, now that the cat was out of the bag and my natural responses, humour, attention span, conversation style were being questioned.

Let the Aqua know that getting upset over some normal things in life is his issue, not yours. He needs to modulate such impulses.....or look for someone else, who cares much less about what he says or does than you do.

Is it his dog, or yours?

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by saggurl88

What is he OCD about?

Well so far, the dog peeing in the house and can’t get the smell out.. which I couldn’t smell by the way.

As for me, mouth noises.. which was due to my bridge problem which created a fear of something wrong with me.

He’s super organized & clean which seems normal with OCD.

He told me last night that he was willing to tell me when something was bothering him right away, so it wouldn’t fester for a week ( like what happened) so we would avoid the reaction I got towards me. I mean it sounds like a good solution but I’m just worried what this might look like. On the other hand, should I not assume the worst?

You can send him this picture for the pet odor and ask if he's tried it. A little goes a long way and it works better then a lot of products on the market.



As for your bridge problems, you have a dental appointment set to get it readjusted or fixed, right?

My Leo is like that with his house. Super clean and a minimalist. His place looks like he just moved in and he's been there forever. I don't know how he keeps the place so damn clean. He probably cleans at every waking hour - Crazy!

As far as what he's told you- He's finding a compromise to the misunderstanding that previously happened. So you can either see if it's genuine or choose to not try to work with him.

What exactly are you worried about if the compromise hasn't had a chance to play out? You won't know if he means what he says until it actually happens.

I'm not sure what "assume the worst" means, but you aren't giving him the benefit of doubt that he can be responsible for his actions and try.

It would be another issue altogether if something happened and he didn't keep his word, but nothing has happened yet.

Yes that’s why I’m going by his house after work tonight. See how it goes, see how I’m feeling. He’s asked me to go to Vegas with him this weekend, and daughter & her husband. No monkey business just go & have fun. I’m not sure, but it would be fun lol. I really do like all the other things about him so far 🤪 oh & btw he is going to replace the carpet and get flooring due to the dog. He put in a doggie door which is what I suggested a week ago. But guess she’s been doing more going to the bathroom in the house ( before doggy door) so he doesn’t know what’s going on with her.

I have a normal appointment in December with the dentist but probably do need to call about it. It feels like it’s starting to detach. Just like somethings off. Crazy the timing.

click to expand

Well it's nice that he's including you in his trips. Seems like it all is working out and going pretty well and you are just basically "thinking out loud" to process.

It will all work itself out, most likely, if things remain on the up and up. 🙂

Posted by LadyNeptune

Is it his dog, or yours?

His. Not my issue.

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by saggurl88

What is he OCD about?

Well so far, the dog peeing in the house and can’t get the smell out.. which I couldn’t smell by the way.

As for me, mouth noises.. which was due to my bridge problem which created a fear of something wrong with me.

He’s super organized & clean which seems normal with OCD.

He told me last night that he was willing to tell me when something was bothering him right away, so it wouldn’t fester for a week ( like what happened) so we would avoid the reaction I got towards me. I mean it sounds like a good solution but I’m just worried what this might look like. On the other hand, should I not assume the worst?

You can send him this picture for the pet odor and ask if he's tried it. A little goes a long way and it works better then a lot of products on the market.



As for your bridge problems, you have a dental appointment set to get it readjusted or fixed, right?

My Leo is like that with his house. Super clean and a minimalist. His place looks like he just moved in and he's been there forever. I don't know how he keeps the place so damn clean. He probably cleans at every waking hour - Crazy!

As far as what he's told you- He's finding a compromise to the misunderstanding that previously happened. So you can either see if it's genuine or choose to not try to work with him.

What exactly are you worried about if the compromise hasn't had a chance to play out? You won't know if he means what he says until it actually happens.

I'm not sure what "assume the worst" means, but you aren't giving him the benefit of doubt that he can be responsible for his actions and try.

It would be another issue altogether if something happened and he didn't keep his word, but nothing has happened yet.

Yes that’s why I’m going by his house after work tonight. See how it goes, see how I’m feeling. He’s asked me to go to Vegas with him this weekend, and daughter & her husband. No monkey business just go & have fun. I’m not sure, but it would be fun lol. I really do like all the other things about him so far 🤪 oh & btw he is going to replace the carpet and get flooring due to the dog. He put in a doggie door which is what I suggested a week ago. But guess she’s been doing more going to the bathroom in the house ( before doggy door) so he doesn’t know what’s going on with her.

I have a normal appointment in December with the dentist but probably do need to call about it. It feels like it’s starting to detach. Just like somethings off. Crazy the timing.

Well it's nice that he's including you in his trips. Seems like it all is working out and going pretty well and you are just basically "thinking out loud" to process.

It will all work itself out, most likely, if things remain on the up and up. 🙂

click to expand

The dog might have Cushing syndrome specially if getting old. Mine started with this n we’re looking into it

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by saggurl88

What is he OCD about?

Well so far, the dog peeing in the house and can’t get the smell out.. which I couldn’t smell by the way.

As for me, mouth noises.. which was due to my bridge problem which created a fear of something wrong with me.

He’s super organized & clean which seems normal with OCD.

He told me last night that he was willing to tell me when something was bothering him right away, so it wouldn’t fester for a week ( like what happened) so we would avoid the reaction I got towards me. I mean it sounds like a good solution but I’m just worried what this might look like. On the other hand, should I not assume the worst?

You can send him this picture for the pet odor and ask if he's tried it. A little goes a long way and it works better then a lot of products on the market.



As for your bridge problems, you have a dental appointment set to get it readjusted or fixed, right?

My Leo is like that with his house. Super clean and a minimalist. His place looks like he just moved in and he's been there forever. I don't know how he keeps the place so damn clean. He probably cleans at every waking hour - Crazy!

As far as what he's told you- He's finding a compromise to the misunderstanding that previously happened. So you can either see if it's genuine or choose to not try to work with him.

What exactly are you worried about if the compromise hasn't had a chance to play out? You won't know if he means what he says until it actually happens.

I'm not sure what "assume the worst" means, but you aren't giving him the benefit of doubt that he can be responsible for his actions and try.

It would be another issue altogether if something happened and he didn't keep his word, but nothing has happened yet.

Yes that’s why I’m going by his house after work tonight. See how it goes, see how I’m feeling. He’s asked me to go to Vegas with him this weekend, and daughter & her husband. No monkey business just go & have fun. I’m not sure, but it would be fun lol. I really do like all the other things about him so far 🤪 oh & btw he is going to replace the carpet and get flooring due to the dog. He put in a doggie door which is what I suggested a week ago. But guess she’s been doing more going to the bathroom in the house ( before doggy door) so he doesn’t know what’s going on with her.

I have a normal appointment in December with the dentist but probably do need to call about it. It feels like it’s starting to detach. Just like somethings off. Crazy the timing.

Well it's nice that he's including you in his trips. Seems like it all is working out and going pretty well and you are just basically "thinking out loud" to process.

It will all work itself out, most likely, if things remain on the up and up. 🙂

click to expand

Well I’m not going now. Which I think is best. I’m not comfortable enough at this point, and we were going to get together to see, discuss etc. Me observe lol Now he’s taking the carpet out tonight.. more dog problems last night. I told him he should call the vet & see if there is a problem. I’m actually more comfortable waiting til next week to see him and see if we are able to figure this out. 🙂 He’s leaving Thursday and I’m busy with work functions tomorrow and tomorrow night. That’s the reason he suggested next week.

Posted by Truemara

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by saggurl88

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by saggurl88

What is he OCD about?

Well so far, the dog peeing in the house and can’t get the smell out.. which I couldn’t smell by the way.

As for me, mouth noises.. which was due to my bridge problem which created a fear of something wrong with me.

He’s super organized & clean which seems normal with OCD.

He told me last night that he was willing to tell me when something was bothering him right away, so it wouldn’t fester for a week ( like what happened) so we would avoid the reaction I got towards me. I mean it sounds like a good solution but I’m just worried what this might look like. On the other hand, should I not assume the worst?

You can send him this picture for the pet odor and ask if he's tried it. A little goes a long way and it works better then a lot of products on the market.



As for your bridge problems, you have a dental appointment set to get it readjusted or fixed, right?

My Leo is like that with his house. Super clean and a minimalist. His place looks like he just moved in and he's been there forever. I don't know how he keeps the place so damn clean. He probably cleans at every waking hour - Crazy!

As far as what he's told you- He's finding a compromise to the misunderstanding that previously happened. So you can either see if it's genuine or choose to not try to work with him.

What exactly are you worried about if the compromise hasn't had a chance to play out? You won't know if he means what he says until it actually happens.

I'm not sure what "assume the worst" means, but you aren't giving him the benefit of doubt that he can be responsible for his actions and try.

It would be another issue altogether if something happened and he didn't keep his word, but nothing has happened yet.

Yes that’s why I’m going by his house after work tonight. See how it goes, see how I’m feeling. He’s asked me to go to Vegas with him this weekend, and daughter & her husband. No monkey business just go & have fun. I’m not sure, but it would be fun lol. I really do like all the other things about him so far 🤪 oh & btw he is going to replace the carpet and get flooring due to the dog. He put in a doggie door which is what I suggested a week ago. But guess she’s been doing more going to the bathroom in the house ( before doggy door) so he doesn’t know what’s going on with her.

I have a normal appointment in December with the dentist but probably do need to call about it. It feels like it’s starting to detach. Just like somethings off. Crazy the timing.

Well it's nice that he's including you in his trips. Seems like it all is working out and going pretty well and you are just basically "thinking out loud" to process.

It will all work itself out, most likely, if things remain on the up and up. 🙂

The dog might have Cushing syndrome specially if getting old. Mine started with this n we’re looking into it

click to expand

She’s 8. Just started happening recently.

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by LadyNeptune

Is it his dog, or yours?

His. Not my issue.

click to expand

and your suggestions were gold so you are helping him solve his issues if anything.

taking it easy here is a good idea

Posted by LadyNeptune

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by LadyNeptune

Is it his dog, or yours?

His. Not my issue.

and your suggestions were gold so you are helping him solve his issues if anything.

taking it easy here is a good idea

click to expand

Yes I agree on taking it easy. Cap venus is telling me to pay attention, see how it goes but slowly. A trip to Vegas doesn’t make a lot of sense, so glad he backed off of that. He was pushing for it yesterday but realized I needed to feel comfortable. Another time if things get figured out, I’d love to though 🙂

Posted by Krabss

is he diagnosed? i haven't read the whole thread but the dog issue doesn't sound like it.

Yes takes meds for it.

Posted by Krabss

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by Krabss

is he diagnosed? i haven't read the whole thread but the dog issue doesn't sound like it.

Yes takes meds for it.

cool.

in the prefect world ocd is very treatable. with small amounts of meds and therapy. not sure what kind of health insurance he has.

i was dealing with a student who has schizophrenia, and i must admit i was having a hard time to understand when his diagnosis start, and when his lazy attitude. but i wasn't dating him. in your place i would try to understand the whole thing. i mean the ocd.

click to expand

Yes I’m going to understand what’s happening better if this will work. And for him to understand what’s ok and what’s not.

Posted by Krabss

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by Krabss

Posted by PuzzlePieces

Posted by Krabss

is he diagnosed? i haven't read the whole thread but the dog issue doesn't sound like it.

Yes takes meds for it.

cool.

in the prefect world ocd is very treatable. with small amounts of meds and therapy. not sure what kind of health insurance he has.

i was dealing with a student who has schizophrenia, and i must admit i was having a hard time to understand when his diagnosis start, and when his lazy attitude. but i wasn't dating him. in your place i would try to understand the whole thing. i mean the ocd.

Yes I’m going to understand what’s happening better if this will work. And for him to understand what’s ok and what’s not.

the best thing would be to talk with his therapist as well. if the therapist is ok, (too many are frauds or bad at their work, and not really educated) and if you think it is worth it. having ocd for the partner is hard, but only if you don't understand from where he is coming from. then it is not really hard.

what are the positives with him? does he makes you laugh? is he a good person in general? is he hot? sex? if yes, i would invest myself.

click to expand

He makes me laugh, smile and I was extremely comfortable with him. In a way I usually am not. I mean I wasn’t having any doubts but along for the ride lol just enjoying time with him. it’s been awhile since I connected like that. Understanding, communicative and good person yes. Kinda old school & I like that. He’s cute and big chemistry. Committed to working out & healthy life style , & we align in a number of important things. No sex yet & no pressure but its very early, just felt like it was going somewhere and I liked that. For him too, it seems because now he’s trying to figure out how to move it forward.

I’m only thinking about it because a problem happened. Red flag do you cut & run or do you stay and see what happens. I have had a habit of cutting and running in recent years. And perhaps staying when I shouldn’t have but for different reasons. I haven’t had experience with OCD really but yes to chronic anxiety with my daughter. So I’m in an evaluating state of mind.

Posted by Hypnotoad

Do you mean real OCD or made up OCD, because there is a buzz at the moment of white people pretending they have mental disorders, there's also people who like to call other people's needs OCD to justify being dismissive of those needs.

Then there's real OCD which is quite serious and needs to be diagnosed, otherwise stop using the term.

He takes meds for OCD, and told me he has OCD. I looked up the prescription ( saw the bottle in his bathroom).

Posted by _elle_

I think it is more about just being clean.

They can go too far and pick at you about something that is normal to everyone else but irritates the hell out of them to the point *you* feel you are abnormal.

It can really create insecurities for their partner.

....and most don't have empathetic traits either so they blame their partner for being upset about it.

You can't fix this. That is what medication and therapy are for. They need to own their shit.

I’m not looking to fix him. What you said is why it worries me. But so far has owned his crap. I was pissed and upset & I did not let him just get away with it. His daughter was furious at him.. I just needed to figure out the situation & get some other people’s observations in general.

Posted by -Capriquarius

You have to find out how many triggers you can creat. Other things won't be problem as you not a reason of creating anxiety. You also mentioned somwhere that he had anxiety attack about your brige and it wasn't true. For him the attack was true, whatever if there was or wasn't anything wrong with you. The way he handle that afterwards- I understand you being upset, but if you are upset that he acted like it was something wrong with you - it means you took personal something he doesn't have fully control over - then Yes you may have problem with living with person with OCD.

She is not an enabler. He may have little control over his thoughts, but very much over his mouth. Had decades to learn what is considered acceptable and what is not.

Posted by -Capriquarius

Posted by Undine

Posted by -Capriquarius

You have to find out how many triggers you can creat. Other things won't be problem as you not a reason of creating anxiety. You also mentioned somwhere that he had anxiety attack about your brige and it wasn't true. For him the attack was true, whatever if there was or wasn't anything wrong with you. The way he handle that afterwards- I understand you being upset, but if you are upset that he acted like it was something wrong with you - it means you took personal something he doesn't have fully control over - then Yes you may have problem with living with person with OCD.

She is not an enabler. He may have little control over his thoughts, but very much over his mouth. Had decades to learn what is considered acceptable and what is not.

That's why I said - if she's upset with fact he hided his ocd and then bottled everything up and voiced it later in unpleasant way then it's understandable. If she's upset because he acted like something is wrong with her, she should know better there is nothing wrong with her and his ocd is not personal attack. Especially when he finally explained himself.

Edit : besides doesn't matter how you look at it and how grown person is, it's still mental desese.

click to expand

Well it’s the first, but he presented it in a way as a personal attack. He didn’t know about the bridge until he did. I know there was nothing wrong with me, but I didn’t understand about OCD behavior either. He needs to own up to his behavior, I don’t need to be okay with how he handled it. That’s why he suggested communication earlier.

I also took responsibility for trying to handle my bridge problem which could have contributed to it. So I have an appointment Thursday to see what the deal is with it. It was just bad timing.

For the record, I refuse to be an enabler. He’s not expecting me to be one. And perhaps we are both learning.

It’s hard to tell at the moment. All I know is he’s trying. The real question is how much of a problem is this & I have no idea right now. I’m not pissed anymore, but I don’t know how comfortable I’d be either. The only way to know is to see each other and go from there.

I am not deciding what will or will not happen right now. Was I concerned, of course. But I will face this and see how that goes.

Wow a lot of you are so unloving towards OCD people 🥺

I think I fall heavily into the category especially since the start of the pandemic. Ever since someone in my household caught a fever I started using napkins/tissues to touch things anywhere including the bathroom my husband and I share. It ended up working as I supposedly was the only one who didn't catch covid. But ever since I've kept it up and don't touch anything directly anymore. Yes I go through LOTS of tissue boxes and paper towel rolls but these are tough times ok. My husband now ridicules me for leaving tissues around more only cause I reuse them when it comes to touching things like the bathroom lights and faucets as it's so wasteful to throw them away after using the tissues to turn them off once?? I still expect to be understood and loved 🥺

Posted by SassyKiwi

Wow a lot of you are so unloving towards OCD people 🥺

I think I fall heavily into the category especially since the start of the pandemic. Ever since someone in my household caught a fever I started using napkins/tissues to touch things anywhere including the bathroom my husband and I share. It ended up working as I supposedly was the only one who didn't catch covid. But ever since I've kept it up and don't touch anything directly anymore. Yes I go through LOTS of tissue boxes and paper towel rolls but these are tough times ok. My husband now ridicules me for leaving tissues around more only cause I reuse them when it comes to touching things like the bathroom lights and faucets as it's so wasteful to throw them away after using the tissues to turn them off once?? I still expect to be understood and loved 🥺

It's often not about excessive cleaning or other rituals, which are acceptable. It's about someone with OCD and/or other mental disorders abusing their partner each time they (the OCD person) are losing control of their mouth or actions.

It starts with becoming irritated by trivial things about their partner. From personal experience: turning in bed or breathing heavily, not responding in a very particular way, failing to laugh at a joke, misunderstanding the usage of a washcloth, putting on a few pounds during pandemic. The OCD person amplifies their negative thoughts, until one day they discharge everything on their partner, usually after a few days of ghosting. For example, a very positive experience over several days (communicated at that time as such) was months later being referred to as "the devil's ugly head" simply because their partner interrupted them once back then.

For a mentally healthy person, it is impossible to understand their pathological thought process which transforms a tiny mis-happening into a crime in need of punishment, especially if they haven't been informed about their disorder.

Another example of skewed OCD mind....Gem ex had taken up gardening of a small allotment, as a hobby. Therefore, I gifted him a "starter pack" which also happened to contain cauliflower seeds.

Later on, the cauliflowers grew beautifully. I was admiring them, when Gem became angry. He said that the cauliflowers attracted some slugs, which were one of the "evils" his OCD mind was trying to avoid at all costs. Apparently, he previously had no idea that slugs may eat cauliflower. Now that he acquired this knowledge, it can't be undone. He will remember it each time he eats these or other cauliflowers....with disgust. He may even stop eating them altogether. Which was a shame, since he used to like cauliflower (he already avoided like 90% of the food).

AND ALL WAS MY FAULT! he said 😄

@undine - oh boy! I’m so sorry you experienced this. I guess that people vary in their severity. I do see what you noticed in my experience from what you wrote.

We’ve been talking a lot the last couple of days again. I agreed to go to Vegas and he bought me a ticket last night. With his daughter & son in law too. At this point, I’ve decided instead of being worried it happens again. I will observe to see what I’m comfortable with. However, I’m going to go and have a great time. We did discuss I was worried it would happen again & again he apologized but in reality there is only one way to see. The good thing here is I’m not being blamed for it like your ex. Boy the guy was married for 30 years happily he says. It’s hard to believe it was on that level the whole time. If it starts to be like that, I’m not sticking around. But for now, I want to see for myself the whole situation. Maybe Vegas will help shed some light.

Posted by Undine

Another example of skewed OCD mind....Gem ex had taken up gardening of a small allotment, as a hobby. Therefore, I gifted him a "starter pack" which also happened to contain cauliflower seeds.

Later on, the cauliflowers grew beautifully. I was admiring them, when Gem became angry. He said that the cauliflowers attracted some slugs, which were one of the "evils" his OCD mind was trying to avoid at all costs. Apparently, he previously had no idea that slugs may eat cauliflower. Now that he acquired this knowledge, it can't be undone. He will remember it each time he eats these or other cauliflowers....with disgust. He may even stop eating them altogether. Which was a shame, since he used to like cauliflower (he already avoided like 90% of the food).

AND ALL WAS MY FAULT! he said 😄

The Gem sounds like he's 5? I don't understand how he wasn't at all appreciative of how your act of providing him with the seeds was to support his hobby? It's like he was so preoccupied with what was in his head that he wasn't seeing how his behavior was coming off. So these people ultimately lack self-awareness?

Posted by PuzzlePieces

@undine - oh boy! I’m so sorry you experienced this. I guess that people vary in their severity. I do see what you noticed in my experience from what you wrote.

We’ve been talking a lot the last couple of days again. I agreed to go to Vegas and he bought me a ticket last night. With his daughter & son in law too. At this point, I’ve decided instead of being worried it happens again. I will observe to see what I’m comfortable with. However, I’m going to go and have a great time. We did discuss I was worried it would happen again & again he apologized but in reality there is only one way to see. The good thing here is I’m not being blamed for it like your ex. Boy the guy was married for 30 years happily he says. It’s hard to believe it was on that level the whole time. If it starts to be like that, I’m not sticking around. But for now, I want to see for myself the whole situation. Maybe Vegas will help shed some light.

Both exes with OCD were remarkable people, so I don't regret dating them. My Aqua, Sag and Aries "personal" bits are attracted to quirks, mischief and sometimes challenge, so no wonder I end up dating (and triggering) weirdos. When it was good, it was superb, which was most of the time. When it was bad, though...

It's good that your Aqua has been in a very long term relationship (with your almost astro twin...how is that for a coincidence?). It shows that he can do it, and that he didn't have to face (and get damaged by) 50+ unsuccessful flings, lol.

Yes, sometimes he will lose control of his mind, and snap at you. Perhaps the longer he tries to hold his irritation in, the stronger the explosion? Maybe you could use a safe word, like in S&M, when he crosses the line, so he knows he has to stop before blowing things out of proportion.

It's more than lacking self-awareness @SassyKiwi. It's mental illness. And if you want to be their partner, you have to deal with it in some fashion.

Posted by SassyKiwi

Posted by Undine

Another example of skewed OCD mind....Gem ex had taken up gardening of a small allotment, as a hobby. Therefore, I gifted him a "starter pack" which also happened to contain cauliflower seeds.

Later on, the cauliflowers grew beautifully. I was admiring them, when Gem became angry. He said that the cauliflowers attracted some slugs, which were one of the "evils" his OCD mind was trying to avoid at all costs. Apparently, he previously had no idea that slugs may eat cauliflower. Now that he acquired this knowledge, it can't be undone. He will remember it each time he eats these or other cauliflowers....with disgust. He may even stop eating them altogether. Which was a shame, since he used to like cauliflower (he already avoided like 90% of the food).

AND ALL WAS MY FAULT! he said 😄

The Gem sounds like he's 5? I don't understand how he wasn't at all appreciative of how your act of providing him with the seeds was to support his hobby? It's like he was so preoccupied with what was in his head that he wasn't seeing how his behavior was coming off. So these people ultimately lack self-awareness?

click to expand

He most likely also had NPD, which leaves him with the emotional development of a 5 years old, indeed. He was a very clever man though, and adorable when he behaved well, which was most of the time.

Posted by Undine

Posted by PuzzlePieces

@undine - oh boy! I’m so sorry you experienced this. I guess that people vary in their severity. I do see what you noticed in my experience from what you wrote.

We’ve been talking a lot the last couple of days again. I agreed to go to Vegas and he bought me a ticket last night. With his daughter & son in law too. At this point, I’ve decided instead of being worried it happens again. I will observe to see what I’m comfortable with. However, I’m going to go and have a great time. We did discuss I was worried it would happen again & again he apologized but in reality there is only one way to see. The good thing here is I’m not being blamed for it like your ex. Boy the guy was married for 30 years happily he says. It’s hard to believe it was on that level the whole time. If it starts to be like that, I’m not sticking around. But for now, I want to see for myself the whole situation. Maybe Vegas will help shed some light.

Both exes with OCD were remarkable people, so I don't regret dating them. My Aqua, Sag and Aries "personal" bits are attracted to quirks, mischief and sometimes challenge, so no wonder I end up dating (and triggering) weirdos. When it was good, it was superb, which was most of the time. When it was bad, though...

It's good that your Aqua has been in a very long term relationship (with your almost astro twin...how is that for a coincidence?). It shows that he can do it, and that he didn't have to face (and get damaged by) 50+ unsuccessful flings, lol.

Yes, sometimes he will lose control of his mind, and snap at you. Perhaps the longer he tries to hold his irritation in, the stronger the explosion? Maybe you could use a safe word, like in S&M, when he crosses the line, so he knows he has to stop before blowing things out of proportion.

click to expand

Ok thanks. Yes that’s why he suggested telling me when he’s being bothered before it gets to that point. Information about the bridge could have prevented it in this situation. He’s excited I’m coming on the trip & so is his daughter, so I think he is back in the before space. Of course, I’m sure there may be adjusting along the way. Communication is definitely key.

I know crazy when I looked up her chart I was in shock. I only did because I realized we were born so close together. Only difference is she had sag moon & I am aqua moon. So both a lot of cap & sag sun. Fascinating. What are the chances? Lol Makes for caring & understanding person which I think he does need. He is very into learning, healthy life style , be a better person and fun. Lol a lot of why we click. I suppose she was like that too. Or at least some of it. Some of the healthy is due to losing her I think.

Posted by geminiflyby

It's more than lacking self-awareness @SassyKiwi. It's mental illness. And if you want to be their partner, you have to deal with it in some fashion.

Tbh these days most people are so broken that literally everyone's got some kind of disorder/illness going on whether it be physical or mental. I guess we just gotta pick our poison wisely?

I am well past my days of trying to "fix" somebody. It's hard enough when people are *healthy* to try to have a good relationship. Well, that is a challenge x10 if they already have a diagnosed mental condition. If you know that going in and want to take that on, then best of luck. Maybe it can work out but that has to be a personal decision.

me being a slore with commitment issues isn't looking too bad now... lol

Posted by MareInfame

Posted by PuzzlePieces

It’s hard to tell at the moment. All I know is he’s trying. The real question is how much of a problem is this & I have no idea right now. I’m not pissed anymore, but I don’t know how comfortable I’d be either. The only way to know is to see each other and go from there.

I am not deciding what will or will not happen right now. Was I concerned, of course. But I will face this and see how that goes.

You hid your response to me, I had read it - but forgot what you said.

I just wanted to say that people are using the term OCD quite freely now at days… but it seems like your guy is diagnosed and taking meds for it - so that tells me he is in a state where it can over power his life (like addictions).

OCD has a spectrum. I actually learned more about it through a show I was watching and loved, where diagnosed people with OCD cleaned houses that belonged to hoarders. The two extremes helped each other out because they seem to share the same issues just dealt in polar opposite ways. Meaning, when a trauma of some kind occurred in their lives, that is when the extreme behavior occurred. Some are extremely clean where they have to clean their house 5-8 hrs a day. Others also have tics or neurotic repetitive behaviors. Also, the triggers could be different… some had a thing about wrinkles on their bed sheets or clothes, others their toilet, others about paint or colors. So, there are many different cases depending on the person.

I think this is something you should take into consideration, learn more about and see how specifically it applies to your guy.

The show is called Obsessive Compulsive Cleaners… I LOVE watching them clean 🤣😂🤷🏻‍♀️

class="bqfade">click to expand

I just hid due to the comment about his late wife’s bday/chart. Basically said those examples seemed more severe. Anyway, thanks I will have to check that out. The dog peeing on the carpet and him obsessively cleaning it & can’t stand the smell and mouth noises are all I’ve seen so far. I’ve been to his house twice. It is very organized and clean, but other than that I didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. He cooked for me, did the dishes in a normal way. I will definitely be evaluating the situation to see how severe it is, and if I can handle it.

Posted by PuzzlePieces

How hard would this be for a partner to handle?

Is it a matter of being understanding or ways to handle so you aren’t the target of reactions?

I really am the type of person who will be understanding, but at the same time I want to be treated well. Go figure!

How difficult is it for the partner for those with experience in this?

i imagine it's like when you click on a thread and see the same message accidentally posted 15 times because of lag except it's with light switches, faucets and not lag

Posted by geminiflyby

I am well past my days of trying to "fix" somebody. It's hard enough when people are *healthy* to try to have a good relationship. Well, that is a challenge x10 if they already have a diagnosed mental condition. If you know that going in and want to take that on, then best of luck. Maybe it can work out but that has to be a personal decision.

Healthy people seem hard to find these days. I’m not interested in fixing him either. Also most people I encounter don’t want to deal with their issues. In my view that’s worse than a diagnosed person who works on taking responsibility for themselves.

I also have a son with severe ADHD and a daughter with chronic anxiety and severe depression. She has been in therapy 10 years & is doing really great now. Her anxiety went into OCD behavior when she was 10 for a bit, but then she was able to stop that and it was just the anxiety. Not ever diagnosed OCD but yes to the other two conditions & used to be on meds, but now is off because she’s doing so well. She’s 20 almost 21.

So idk mental illness doesn’t scare me, it’s just knowing the severity and if it’s realistic to have a relationship with him. Because I don’t want to put myself in a bad situation, but I haven’t determined yet if it is one. So we will see. I did want more information though. Obviously since I started this thread.