@heliumfiasco
14 Years1,000+ Posts
That moment when you realize.....
Understanding Your Fear of Commitment
Recognizing that your fear of commitment stems from internal fears can help you address underlying issues. Sabotaging relationships often masks anxiety or insecurity. Exploring these feelings can lead to healthier relationship patterns and greater self-awareness. Consider reflecting on past experiences and seeking support if needed to overcome commitment fears.
^ it definitely doesn't help.
-moon in the 12th
Chiron in the 12th, does that count?
Committed is a horrible word and has mentally unstable connotations
😫
Posted by heliumfiasco
It's not them, it's you.You like the idea of relationships.... but really youre terrified of commitment and you had no idea. So you sabotage and then justify it by saying they messed up some imaginary issue you created!
Hi!!!! It's ya girl!
i do this all the time, i woke up next to that guy and i automatically said i have fear of commitment fast forward to three weeks later and we're in a relationship
i still try to push him away, that's why i can't drink too much when around him I AM SO MEAN
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Me too! Like I dont know why anyone even entertains me. I will purposely say stuff to make them feel like they mean nothing to me. It's really messed up.Then i'll feel bad and be super nice.... then do it again.
I post on this board about advice on dudes... but in actuality I've told them to screw and only when they do, I get excited about the chase. Im NUTS!!!!!!
Yeah. I'll need about a week or two to realize what ive done. But by that time its usually too late. Ive acted a fool. hahaha
I have Virgo in Mars and Venus too. So maybe Virgo just needs to chill.
Wouldn't say sabotage, but in any relationships, reality do set in after the lovey dovey phase. Hence, I kinda try to stress test my partner to think about the future together?
If they get cold feet and run early, at least I know his not suitable to go for the long haul. Better than knowing after years into the relationship and watch it crumble. THEN, sulking and say 'DARN that ass for wasting my time!'
Posted by heliumfiasco
It's not them, it's you.You like the idea of relationships.... but really youre terrified of commitment and you had no idea. So you sabotage and then justify it by saying they messed up some imaginary issue you created!
Hi!!!! It's ya girl!
i do this all the time, i woke up next to that guy and i automatically said i have fear of commitment fast forward to three weeks later and we're in a relationship
i still try to push him away, that's why i can't drink too much when around him I AM SO MEAN
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It doesnt count if you are in love with someone or want someone secretly and then you are mean to everybody else on a one night stand and feel comfort in it, that they want you afterwards
I just pushed the Gemini guy away. So brutally. But thinking it was all fun and games. I have no control.
On to the next. Until I finally learn my lesson!
Posted by heliumfiasco
I just pushed the Gemini guy away. So brutally. Biut thinking it was all fun and games. I have no control.On to the next. Until I finally learn my lesson!
Oh my. That was going so well!
But... are u sure thats done? I mean... gemini like crazy lol
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Who knows! I told him like 5 days in a row I didn’t know if I liked him. Told him I was going out with someone else.... then met him at the movies. Then again told him I was on the fence. He was nice about it. However he hasn’t messaged me in like almost two days. Rightfully so! However, he has been on my Instagram posts like flies on poop. I told him I’m crazy and to run. He said “I can handle crazy. But can you handle busy?” Referring to his work and Motorcross schedule. I told him I didn’t know.... then cut directly to jokes and memes.
Posted by WittyGem88
Moon in the 12th. This is true. Trying to find something wrong when its all going perfectly. Ugh.I have 12 house moon too. But you seem to have long relationships. Mine only last a few months.
Yes. I was fortunate to find partners who are crazy enough to stay. I am a bit crazy myself. I start arguments for no reason. I cry for no reason. Some days I am an emotional trainwreck. Some days I’m the most optimistic person you meet. I tell the men right off the bat... i’m not gonna be easy but if he decides to stay, i’m worth it. And they believe me (except the scorp who cheated on me). And I am usually the one who ends it when its getting too close for attachment. I’ve got daddy issues. My dad passed away when i was 8. Since then I never wanna be left so i was always the one who leaves the men.
Is it getting close to attachment that makes you leave or when you feel like they're checking out? Staying with someone for years doesn't make sense if it's when they get too close that you leave.
I'm sorry about your dad ❤
Its when attachment happens. I left my ex when the time came that I realized if he dies... im gonna be alone. And it felt really sad. I never want to be that attached to someone again and be broken when the person is gone and will never come back. I told him about that fear. He said no one escapes death. We will all die. But he was 40 and I was 29..... there is a chance he might pass before i do... and that fear creeps in a lot. We werent married, no kids... nothing will be left with me.
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Awww❤️ What a hard way to think and live.
Posted by WittyGem88
Moon in the 12th. This is true. Trying to find something wrong when its all going perfectly. Ugh.I have 12 house moon too. But you seem to have long relationships. Mine only last a few months.
Yes. I was fortunate to find partners who are crazy enough to stay. I am a bit crazy myself. I start arguments for no reason. I cry for no reason. Some days I am an emotional trainwreck. Some days I’m the most optimistic person you meet. I tell the men right off the bat... i’m not gonna be easy but if he decides to stay, i’m worth it. And they believe me (except the scorp who cheated on me). And I am usually the one who ends it when its getting too close for attachment. I’ve got daddy issues. My dad passed away when i was 8. Since then I never wanna be left so i was always the one who leaves the men.
Is it getting close to attachment that makes you leave or when you feel like they're checking out? Staying with someone for years doesn't make sense if it's when they get too close that you leave.
I'm sorry about your dad ❤
Its when attachment happens. I left my ex when the time came that I realized if he dies... im gonna be alone. And it felt really sad. I never want to be that attached to someone again and be broken when the person is gone and will never come back. I told him about that fear. He said no one escapes death. We will all die. But he was 40 and I was 29..... there is a chance he might pass before i do... and that fear creeps in a lot. We werent married, no kids... nothing will be left with me.
Awww❤️ What a hard way to think and live.
Yeah. It wasnt very easy to get out of that. I love the guy. But that fear eats me up inside everytime i think about it. The next girl will be lucky. He was amazing. I wasnt.
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At least you’re very self aware. I respect that in people. I do stuff and then go “wait?! What happened? Where ya goin’?”...... then I sit and remember.... “oh, right! You kind of told them to.”
Posted by heliumfiasco
It's not them, it's you.You like the idea of relationships.... but really youre terrified of commitment and you had no idea. So you sabotage and then justify it by saying they messed up some imaginary issue you created!
Hi!!!! It's ya girl!
Gotta take it day by day and not think of commitment as a life sentence.
And when your thinking it’s too golden, remind yourself you deserve some good.
Posted by heliumfiasco
It's not them, it's you.You like the idea of relationships.... but really youre terrified of commitment and you had no idea. So you sabotage and then justify it by saying they messed up some imaginary issue you created!
Hi!!!! It's ya girl!
Gotta take it day by day and not think of commitment as a life sentence.
And when your thinking it’s too golden, remind yourself you deserve some good.
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Such good advice! I always remember this after the fact.
It’s super shitty to be this way. I constantly try to convince myself the person is terrible. I tell them to hit the road constantly. This Gemini really was rolling with it like a champ. Then after the movie- I told him I didn’t know if I liked him. He was like “what do you mean? You really have a way with words.” He finally after two weeks of heavy abuse, and extremely sarcastic humor about him being a fuckboy.... has backed off. I get it. I hope in the future I’ll learn to cut the crap. He honestly did nothing bad to me except follow a couple girls from Bumble on his IG (I never told him I knew) but we had only been talking 3 weeks he had every right. I was even telling him I was gonna go out with this other guy, just to play games and get some sort of reaction. I am a messsssss! Haha I hope I’ll get my shit together soon! I’m 32!!!!
I am not! But all my family actually lives near Detroit! Linden, Flint and Goodrich. Hahah
Posted by heliumfiasco
It’s super shitty to be this way. I constantly try to convince myself the person is terrible. I tell them to hit the road constantly. This Gemini really was rolling with it like a champ. Then after the movie- I told him I didn’t know if I liked him. He was like “what do you mean? You really have a way with words.” He finally after two weeks of heavy abuse, and extremely sarcastic humor about him being a fuckboy.... has backed off. I get it. I hope in the future I’ll learn to cut the crap. He honestly did nothing bad to me except follow a couple girls from Bumble on his IG (I never told him I knew) but we had only been talking 3 weeks he had every right. I was even telling him I was gonna go out with this other guy, just to play games and get some sort of reaction. I am a messsssss! Haha I hope I’ll get my shit together soon! I’m 32!!!!
So your scared to let someone in. You want to push them away to see how far they’ll go for you. I get that.
Posted by heliumfiasco
It’s super shitty to be this way. I constantly try to convince myself the person is terrible. I tell them to hit the road constantly. This Gemini really was rolling with it like a champ. Then after the movie- I told him I didn’t know if I liked him. He was like “what do you mean? You really have a way with words.” He finally after two weeks of heavy abuse, and extremely sarcastic humor about him being a fuckboy.... has backed off. I get it. I hope in the future I’ll learn to cut the crap. He honestly did nothing bad to me except follow a couple girls from Bumble on his IG (I never told him I knew) but we had only been talking 3 weeks he had every right. I was even telling him I was gonna go out with this other guy, just to play games and get some sort of reaction. I am a messsssss! Haha I hope I’ll get my shit together soon! I’m 32!!!!So your scared to let someone in. You want to push them away to see how far they’ll go for you. I get that.
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Absolutely.
Posted by WittyGem88
Moon in the 12th. This is true. Trying to find something wrong when its all going perfectly. Ugh.I have 12 house moon too. But you seem to have long relationships. Mine only last a few months.
Yes. I was fortunate to find partners who are crazy enough to stay. I am a bit crazy myself. I start arguments for no reason. I cry for no reason. Some days I am an emotional trainwreck. Some days I’m the most optimistic person you meet. I tell the men right off the bat... i’m not gonna be easy but if he decides to stay, i’m worth it. And they believe me (except the scorp who cheated on me). And I am usually the one who ends it when its getting too close for attachment. I’ve got daddy issues. My dad passed away when i was 8. Since then I never wanna be left so i was always the one who leaves the men.
Is it getting close to attachment that makes you leave or when you feel like they're checking out? Staying with someone for years doesn't make sense if it's when they get too close that you leave.
I'm sorry about your dad ❤
Its when attachment happens. I left my ex when the time came that I realized if he dies... im gonna be alone. And it felt really sad. I never want to be that attached to someone again and be broken when the person is gone and will never come back. I told him about that fear. He said no one escapes death. We will all die. But he was 40 and I was 29..... there is a chance he might pass before i do... and that fear creeps in a lot. We werent married, no kids... nothing will be left with me.
Awww❤️ What a hard way to think and live.
Yeah. It wasnt very easy to get out of that. I love the guy. But that fear eats me up inside everytime i think about it. The next girl will be lucky. He was amazing. I wasnt.
At least you’re very self aware. I respect that in people. I do stuff and then go “wait?! What happened? Where ya goin’?”...... then I sit and remember.... “oh, right! You kind of told them to.”
I realized it so much in my last relationship. I think all we need is a man who can handle us when we are uncertain. Men give up at some point. Those who do, easily, arent the one. Those who stay have a fighting chance. Hang on what did you do to the gem guy hahaha
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To a degree. Yes it's the man's job to weather the storm and be the rock, but it's also your job to work on your own issues. Men can't fix you, the same way you can't fix us. Also know that men and women of quality aren't going to stick around to handle you if they have other more viable options. Why stick with the person who makes things difficult, when there are other people ready to make things easy?
Posted by Impulsv
Been on the other side of the wallN it is painful to be pushed away
When you love them
Maybe they suffer more when you think you did them a favor
I am
It hurts the person who pushes away more than you think. On this side, if they really loved me they would have faught to keep me but they let me go because they don't care. So it confirms they didn't really love me and their love was a lie. Because real love wouldn't give up on me.
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Love doesn't equal suffering. You can love someone from afar. If a person can not take control of themselves, it's not the job of the other person to pick up the slack. That's how relationships become codependent and unhealthy. It takes two whole people to be in a couple, not two halves. So it's up to you to present the best complete version of yourself that you can. If the other person cant handle the complete you, then they don't deserve you.
Chuck! So good to see you posting. I haven’t seen a post from you in awhile. Maybe Ive been in the wrong threads though. Hope you’re well!!! ❤️
Posted by heliumfiasco
It's not them, it's you.You like the idea of relationships.... but really youre terrified of commitment and you had no idea. So you sabotage and then justify it by saying they messed up some imaginary issue you created!
Hi!!!! It's ya girl!
It was around 2013-ish when my therapist pointed this out to me. However, it's not so much self-sabotage as it is choosing unstable and chaotic partners to be in relationships with. This within itself is self-sabotage, but in an indirect manner that allows me to place the blame on them, when it is really me because I chose a flight with a destination of head first into the runway.
Sometimes, I place myself in this situation and the flight still takes off, and I'm like "WTF!" That's when I attempt to bomb it myself. If you can pull a John McClane when I'm like this then I am yours forever.
Posted by heliumfiasco
It’s super shitty to be this way. I constantly try to convince myself the person is terrible. I tell them to hit the road constantly. This Gemini really was rolling with it like a champ. Then after the movie- I told him I didn’t know if I liked him. He was like “what do you mean? You really have a way with words.” He finally after two weeks of heavy abuse, and extremely sarcastic humor about him being a fuckboy.... has backed off. I get it. I hope in the future I’ll learn to cut the crap. He honestly did nothing bad to me except follow a couple girls from Bumble on his IG (I never told him I knew) but we had only been talking 3 weeks he had every right. I was even telling him I was gonna go out with this other guy, just to play games and get some sort of reaction. I am a messsssss! Haha I hope I’ll get my shit together soon! I’m 32!!!!So your scared to let someone in. You want to push them away to see how far they’ll go for you. I get that.
Absolutely.
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That's a toxic mindset and one that will only wind up with you losing out. Think about it. Most people are looking for the best partner they can get. If you're meeting people who are completely self realized, with healthy mindsets, and emotionally mature, why would they stick around if you're not displaying those same qualities?
Pushing someone away in order to see if they stick around is both manipulative and insecure. It's also selfish since it doesn't take the other person's feelings into account. Doing this only makes you come across as unstable, which isn't what most people are looking for in relationships (hookups sure, partnerships no).
Know that you're only doing this out of fear. Your insecurities and possible past hurts have led you down a road of self sabotage. No person of value would want to stick around and be manipulated in this manner. By pushing people away, you're basically saying "I'm no good, don't invest in me." Since you're the only person who can advertise for yourself, you're sending out a losing message.
Also look at the downside. What possible person would you attract with this method? "Nice guys", players, and narcissists. Men of actual quality aren't going to stick around because they'll probably have healthier options. "Nice guys" may stick around for a while until another option opens up, but you wouldn't be attracted to them anyway.
Players and narcissists will stick around because they have no emotional investment in you. Narcissists don't care what you hurl at them, while players see it all as a game. They'll stick around just long enough because they literally have nothing to lose, but everything to gain. Once they trick you into believing that they're "true", you'll fall right into their plan. At that point they are free to mess with you and break your heart.
If you want a solid person, you'll need to start casting solid bait. Right now your current strategy is only useful to attract the men you probably don't want.
Posted by heliumfiasco
Chuck! So good to see you posting. I haven’t seen a post from you in awhile. Maybe Ive been in the wrong threads though. Hope you’re well!!! ❤️
I've been keeping to the Leo forum and the PMs. On top of being busy, I haven't strayed too far into the other forums for a while.
Posted by WittyGem88
Moon in the 12th. This is true. Trying to find something wrong when its all going perfectly. Ugh.
i dont have that problem. 12th house usually has the "victim" mentality. loll
i read that at a professional astrologer's site...and i was annoyed. but well pisces is usually "victimized" because they take alot of punching.
Posted by heliumfiasco
It’s super shitty to be this way. I constantly try to convince myself the person is terrible. I tell them to hit the road constantly. This Gemini really was rolling with it like a champ. Then after the movie- I told him I didn’t know if I liked him. He was like “what do you mean? You really have a way with words.” He finally after two weeks of heavy abuse, and extremely sarcastic humor about him being a fuckboy.... has backed off. I get it. I hope in the future I’ll learn to cut the crap. He honestly did nothing bad to me except follow a couple girls from Bumble on his IG (I never told him I knew) but we had only been talking 3 weeks he had every right. I was even telling him I was gonna go out with this other guy, just to play games and get some sort of reaction. I am a messsssss! Haha I hope I’ll get my shit together soon! I’m 32!!!!
you abuse him heavily? it sounds like he has the victim mentality and you are the one who is abusing.
he doesn't sound very strong against you, just lets you abuse him. but maybe because you are gas lighting him. which is a form of sabotage in the hurtful cruel way.
but i think he really just likes to be with you and you take advantage of his companionship.
Posted by Impulsv
Been on the other side of the wallN it is painful to be pushed away
When you love them
Maybe they suffer more when you think you did them a favor
I am
It hurts the person who pushes away more than you think. On this side, if they really loved me they would have faught to keep me but they let me go because they don't care. So it confirms they didn't really love me and their love was a lie. Because real love wouldn't give up on me.
Love doesn't equal suffering. You can love someone from afar. If a person can not take control of themselves, it's not the job of the other person to pick up the slack. That's how relationships become codependent and unhealthy. It takes two whole people to be in a couple, not two halves. So it's up to you to present the best complete version of yourself that you can. If the other person cant handle the complete you, then they don't deserve you.
The thing is no one is fully complete everybody has flaws. So while I agree with you and it is each individual persons responsibility to control themselves. In a partnership each person has their own strengths and weaknesses and they need to work together for it to be functional and that means picking up the slack for each other in different areas. I am terrible at relationships and have a tendency to push people away so I was giving an example from the perspective of someone with commitment issues
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Having flaws doesn't make a person incomplete, not being able to address and fix those flaws does. Yes, to be in a relationship means helping each other grow, but not fixing each other's flaws. A person can't fix another person's flaw. The onus of that is on the individual alone. This is why so many relationships become codependent and result in resentment and disappointment over time.
For example a person who is a bad communicator will not become a good communicator in a relationship just because they are with a person who is a good communicator. It's possible that the person who is good at communicating may rub off on the bad communicator, but more than likely the relationship will suffer from unhealthy communication and deteriorate unless the bad communicator chooses to become a good communicator. The person who is a good communicator however would have a much healthier relationship with another person who is good at communicating
If those two people then got together and communicated their goals and flaws with one another, they could plan out a life together in a way that works for both of them aka a healthy compromise. Compromise, or the ability to see the other person's perspective and adjust to it, is necessary for a healthy relationship. However only self ware complete people can do this effectively. Most people unfortunately aren't terribly self aware and continue to bring the same baggage into their relationships, hoping to find (insert the idiom) the missing link, the other half, the person that makes them happy, their soulmate, etc.
Posted by WittyGem88
Moon in the 12th. This is true. Trying to find something wrong when its all going perfectly. Ugh.I have 12 house moon too. But you seem to have long relationships. Mine only last a few months.
Yes. I was fortunate to find partners who are crazy enough to stay. I am a bit crazy myself. I start arguments for no reason. I cry for no reason. Some days I am an emotional trainwreck. Some days I’m the most optimistic person you meet. I tell the men right off the bat... i’m not gonna be easy but if he decides to stay, i’m worth it. And they believe me (except the scorp who cheated on me). And I am usually the one who ends it when its getting too close for attachment. I’ve got daddy issues. My dad passed away when i was 8. Since then I never wanna be left so i was always the one who leaves the men.
Is it getting close to attachment that makes you leave or when you feel like they're checking out? Staying with someone for years doesn't make sense if it's when they get too close that you leave.
I'm sorry about your dad ❤
Its when attachment happens. I left my ex when the time came that I realized if he dies... im gonna be alone. And it felt really sad. I never want to be that attached to someone again and be broken when the person is gone and will never come back. I told him about that fear. He said no one escapes death. We will all die. But he was 40 and I was 29..... there is a chance he might pass before i do... and that fear creeps in a lot. We werent married, no kids... nothing will be left with me.
Awww❤️ What a hard way to think and live.
Yeah. It wasnt very easy to get out of that. I love the guy. But that fear eats me up inside everytime i think about it. The next girl will be lucky. He was amazing. I wasnt.
At least you’re very self aware. I respect that in people. I do stuff and then go “wait?! What happened? Where ya goin’?”...... then I sit and remember.... “oh, right! You kind of told them to.”
I realized it so much in my last relationship. I think all we need is a man who can handle us when we are uncertain. Men give up at some point. Those who do, easily, arent the one. Those who stay have a fighting chance. Hang on what did you do to the gem guy hahaha
To a degree. Yes it's the man's job to weather the storm and be the rock, but it's also your job to work on your own issues. Men can't fix you, the same way you can't fix us. Also know that men and women of quality aren't going to stick around to handle you if they have other more viable options. Why stick with the person who makes things difficult, when there are other people ready to make things easy?
I agree with you on that. And in all honesty, I dont need a man to fix me. But at the same time, its part of the package. I want to change. Believe me. But I cant change overnight. That challenge is something that a man who truly wants me, would have to go through. And surely quality men say they want easy. But from my experience, they did want difficult because easy is boring. And I dated quality men and I am sire the women who end up with them are very lucky. At least thats for the ones I was with. Of course some men dont want a difficult woman. So its all a matter of preference.
Mind you, I feel sometimes that i am good luck Chuck. Most exes got married after I left. Like they married the next woman after me. And in a way, I feel that my purpose in their lives have been served well.
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omg i just read this somewhere at elsa's astrology board, another astrology site where the astrologer has an ex Scorpio with scorpio stellium ( sun, venus, mercury saturn,) with libra mars and aquarius moon tell her that all his ex's get married after him and she did get married after him too!! (supposedly he's pluto Leo generation so much older)
i wonder what the astrology is.
Posted by WittyGem88
Moon in the 12th. This is true. Trying to find something wrong when its all going perfectly. Ugh.i dont have that problem. 12th house usually has the "victim" mentality. loll
i read that at a professional astrologer's site...and i was annoyed. but well pisces is usually "victimized" because they take alot of punching.
That is the victim mentality for me. I always come to a point when i think something is wrong or hes doing something wrong to me that I cant see. Even if he isnt. And I tend to push him away or breakup because before he even does something, i already accused him in my head. I am already a victim of something that hasnt happened yet 😢
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oh i dont have that. i guess because i really trust my husband. you probably feel this way because you dont trust the man you're with.
there's something about the man youre with that you're not happy with. it's very very deep down not feeling right about him. so you sabotage?
Posted by WittyGem88
Moon in the 12th. This is true. Trying to find something wrong when its all going perfectly. Ugh.I have 12 house moon too. But you seem to have long relationships. Mine only last a few months.
Yes. I was fortunate to find partners who are crazy enough to stay. I am a bit crazy myself. I start arguments for no reason. I cry for no reason. Some days I am an emotional trainwreck. Some days I’m the most optimistic person you meet. I tell the men right off the bat... i’m not gonna be easy but if he decides to stay, i’m worth it. And they believe me (except the scorp who cheated on me). And I am usually the one who ends it when its getting too close for attachment. I’ve got daddy issues. My dad passed away when i was 8. Since then I never wanna be left so i was always the one who leaves the men.
Is it getting close to attachment that makes you leave or when you feel like they're checking out? Staying with someone for years doesn't make sense if it's when they get too close that you leave.
I'm sorry about your dad ❤
Its when attachment happens. I left my ex when the time came that I realized if he dies... im gonna be alone. And it felt really sad. I never want to be that attached to someone again and be broken when the person is gone and will never come back. I told him about that fear. He said no one escapes death. We will all die. But he was 40 and I was 29..... there is a chance he might pass before i do... and that fear creeps in a lot. We werent married, no kids... nothing will be left with me.
Awww❤️ What a hard way to think and live.
Yeah. It wasnt very easy to get out of that. I love the guy. But that fear eats me up inside everytime i think about it. The next girl will be lucky. He was amazing. I wasnt.
At least you’re very self aware. I respect that in people. I do stuff and then go “wait?! What happened? Where ya goin’?”...... then I sit and remember.... “oh, right! You kind of told them to.”
I realized it so much in my last relationship. I think all we need is a man who can handle us when we are uncertain. Men give up at some point. Those who do, easily, arent the one. Those who stay have a fighting chance. Hang on what did you do to the gem guy hahaha
To a degree. Yes it's the man's job to weather the storm and be the rock, but it's also your job to work on your own issues. Men can't fix you, the same way you can't fix us. Also know that men and women of quality aren't going to stick around to handle you if they have other more viable options. Why stick with the person who makes things difficult, when there are other people ready to make things easy?
I agree with you on that. And in all honesty, I dont need a man to fix me. But at the same time, its part of the package. I want to change. Believe me. But I cant change overnight. That challenge is something that a man who truly wants me, would have to go through. And surely quality men say they want easy. But from my experience, they did want difficult because easy is boring. And I dated quality men and I am sire the women who end up with them are very lucky. At least thats for the ones I was with. Of course some men dont want a difficult woman. So its all a matter of preference.
Mind you, I feel sometimes that i am good luck Chuck. Most exes got married after I left. Like they married the next woman after me. And in a way, I feel that my purpose in their lives have been served well.
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Understand that you need to work on those issues beforehand. You don't need to be completely perfect, everyone has their flaws. It all boils down to your mindset though. You simply can't expect another person to stick around and wait while you sort yourself out. That's not to say that some men won't try, but it shouldn't be shocking if they leave. So if you want the best results, make sure you're putting out your best from the beginning.
Yes it's true that some men like the hunt/chase etc. No one wants a relationship without conflict, that would be boring. However notice what you've said. After dating you, the men in your life married other women right after you. Did you ever stop to truly contemplate why that was?
Posted by WittyGem88
Moon in the 12th. This is true. Trying to find something wrong when its all going perfectly. Ugh.I have 12 house moon too. But you seem to have long relationships. Mine only last a few months.
Yes. I was fortunate to find partners who are crazy enough to stay. I am a bit crazy myself. I start arguments for no reason. I cry for no reason. Some days I am an emotional trainwreck. Some days I’m the most optimistic person you meet. I tell the men right off the bat... i’m not gonna be easy but if he decides to stay, i’m worth it. And they believe me (except the scorp who cheated on me). And I am usually the one who ends it when its getting too close for attachment. I’ve got daddy issues. My dad passed away when i was 8. Since then I never wanna be left so i was always the one who leaves the men.
Is it getting close to attachment that makes you leave or when you feel like they're checking out? Staying with someone for years doesn't make sense if it's when they get too close that you leave.
I'm sorry about your dad ❤
Its when attachment happens. I left my ex when the time came that I realized if he dies... im gonna be alone. And it felt really sad. I never want to be that attached to someone again and be broken when the person is gone and will never come back. I told him about that fear. He said no one escapes death. We will all die. But he was 40 and I was 29..... there is a chance he might pass before i do... and that fear creeps in a lot. We werent married, no kids... nothing will be left with me.
Awww❤️ What a hard way to think and live.
Yeah. It wasnt very easy to get out of that. I love the guy. But that fear eats me up inside everytime i think about it. The next girl will be lucky. He was amazing. I wasnt.
At least you’re very self aware. I respect that in people. I do stuff and then go “wait?! What happened? Where ya goin’?”...... then I sit and remember.... “oh, right! You kind of told them to.”
I realized it so much in my last relationship. I think all we need is a man who can handle us when we are uncertain. Men give up at some point. Those who do, easily, arent the one. Those who stay have a fighting chance. Hang on what did you do to the gem guy hahaha
To a degree. Yes it's the man's job to weather the storm and be the rock, but it's also your job to work on your own issues. Men can't fix you, the same way you can't fix us. Also know that men and women of quality aren't going to stick around to handle you if they have other more viable options. Why stick with the person who makes things difficult, when there are other people ready to make things easy?
I agree with you on that. And in all honesty, I dont need a man to fix me. But at the same time, its part of the package. I want to change. Believe me. But I cant change overnight. That challenge is something that a man who truly wants me, would have to go through. And surely quality men say they want easy. But from my experience, they did want difficult because easy is boring. And I dated quality men and I am sire the women who end up with them are very lucky. At least thats for the ones I was with. Of course some men dont want a difficult woman. So its all a matter of preference.
Mind you, I feel sometimes that i am good luck Chuck. Most exes got married after I left. Like they married the next woman after me. And in a way, I feel that my purpose in their lives have been served well.
omg i just read this somewhere at elsa's astrology board, another astrology site where the astrologer has an ex Scorpio with scorpio stellium ( sun, venus, mercury saturn,) with libra mars and aquarius moon tell her that all his ex's get married after him and she did get married after him too!! (supposedly he's pluto Leo generation so much older)
i wonder what the astrology is.
click to expand
ugh im trying to find that topic/post at the elsa forum.
oh well -_-
that "good luck chuck" is something else.
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Good% 20Luck% 20Chuck% 20Syndrome
Good Luck Chuck Syndrome
is when after you finish dating someone, and their next bf/gf is the one they end up marrying. The syndrome mostly found amongst women and men in their 20's and 30's. This mostly occurs amongst hopeless romantics, and those that continually search for love.
"That poor girl, her ex boyfriend just got married. Thats the 5th one!.She has the Good Luck Chuck Syndrome!
although apparantly it's for people even in their 60s (pluto leo generation too!!) jeeezzz.
Posted by sierra_
i think it's about control and self-esteemlike you wanna go back to your old ways
not coz they're any better but just coz it's comfortable
i hate how i feel like this but it's not like i act on it
like i can spin anything into a problem..
how i'm having too much sex, etc.
reminds me of kurt cobain saying: "i miss the comfort in being sad"
An aquafish born the same day as me. I relate so much to his thinking.
Posted by Impulsv
Been on the other side of the wallN it is painful to be pushed away
When you love them
Maybe they suffer more when you think you did them a favor
I am
It hurts the person who pushes away more than you think. On this side, if they really loved me they would have faught to keep me but they let me go because they don't care. So it confirms they didn't really love me and their love was a lie. Because real love wouldn't give up on me.
Love doesn't equal suffering. You can love someone from afar. If a person can not take control of themselves, it's not the job of the other person to pick up the slack. That's how relationships become codependent and unhealthy. It takes two whole people to be in a couple, not two halves. So it's up to you to present the best complete version of yourself that you can. If the other person cant handle the complete you, then they don't deserve you.
The thing is no one is fully complete everybody has flaws. So while I agree with you and it is each individual persons responsibility to control themselves. In a partnership each person has their own strengths and weaknesses and they need to work together for it to be functional and that means picking up the slack for each other in different areas. I am terrible at relationships and have a tendency to push people away so I was giving an example from the perspective of someone with commitment issues
Having flaws doesn't make a person incomplete, not being able to address and fix those flaws does. Yes, to be in a relationship means helping each other grow, but not fixing each other's flaws. A person can't fix another person's flaw. The onus of that is on the individual alone. This is why so many relationships become codependent and result in resentment and disappointment over time.
For example a person who is a bad communicator will not become a good communicator in a relationship just because they are with a person who is a good communicator. It's possible that the person who is good at communicating may rub off on the bad communicator, but more than likely the relationship will suffer from unhealthy communication and deteriorate unless the bad communicator chooses to become a good communicator. The person who is a good communicator however would have a much healthier relationship with another person who is good at communicating
If those two people then got together and communicated their goals and flaws with one another, they could plan out a life together in a way that works for both of them aka a healthy compromise. Compromise, or the ability to see the other person's perspective and adjust to it, is necessary for a healthy relationship. However only self ware complete people can do this effectively. Most people unfortunately aren't terribly self aware and continue to bring the same baggage into their relationships, hoping to find (insert the idiom) the missing link, the other half, the person that makes them happy, their soulmate, etc.
I love flaws. I like the weird quirks and broken bits that no one understands. I want someone that loves my ones too. I just need someone whose weirdness fits with mine. I think that relationships can shape you or break you and you have a big influence on each other in relationships. I've learned something with almost all of mine but i have heaps to improve too. We learn love and attachment and stability and how to trust from people. Unfortunately some people aren't taught those things when they're little so they need someone to show them how when they're older. It's not codependency, it's making eachother want to be a better self.
click to expand
Right, flaws and quirks are what make things interesting. We are also definitely designed to learn from one another and not everyone starts on the same playing field. Relationships therefore can be a good place for growth. I just want avoid the idea that relationships are designed to fix people's issues. Using another person to fix oneself is a disservice to both parties. It's the same as saying that children shouldn't be used to fix a marriage. The marriage should be whole first before bringing children into a broken situation.
i found it gurrlll...this topic too may help. the astrologer has over 40 years exp. with astrology and she was with a scorpio stellium with aqua moon, libra mars that was the "Good luck chuck" guy.
she is happily married to a scorpio moon (not a stellium anymore) lol
Posted by WittyGem88
Moon in the 12th. This is true. Trying to find something wrong when its all going perfectly. Ugh.i dont have that problem. 12th house usually has the "victim" mentality. loll
i read that at a professional astrologer's site...and i was annoyed. but well pisces is usually "victimized" because they take alot of punching.
That is the victim mentality for me. I always come to a point when i think something is wrong or hes doing something wrong to me that I cant see. Even if he isnt. And I tend to push him away or breakup because before he even does something, i already accused him in my head. I am already a victim of something that hasnt happened yet 😢
click to expand
That is because he is making you insecure deep down. Some guys trigger that part in you.
You just need to find one that makes you feel secure and that won’t happen anymore.
Posted by WittyGem88
Moon in the 12th. This is true. Trying to find something wrong when its all going perfectly. Ugh.i dont have that problem. 12th house usually has the "victim" mentality. loll
i read that at a professional astrologer's site...and i was annoyed. but well pisces is usually "victimized" because they take alot of punching.
That is the victim mentality for me. I always come to a point when i think something is wrong or hes doing something wrong to me that I cant see. Even if he isnt. And I tend to push him away or breakup because before he even does something, i already accused him in my head. I am already a victim of something that hasnt happened yet 😢
That is because he is making you insecure deep down. Some guys trigger that part in you.
You just need to find one that makes you feel secure and that won’t happen anymore.
Aquas are good at doing that. Making me feel secure when i have the weird stuff going in my head. Which is why I adore them. None of the aquas I was with ever cheated so it was very promising.
click to expand
I agree. Aqua are the only men that can make me feel secure. I think it’s because they don’t play games and if they really care for you you know it very deeply.
Posted by WittyGem88
Moon in the 12th. This is true. Trying to find something wrong when its all going perfectly. Ugh.i dont have that problem. 12th house usually has the "victim" mentality. loll
i read that at a professional astrologer's site...and i was annoyed. but well pisces is usually "victimized" because they take alot of punching.
That is the victim mentality for me. I always come to a point when i think something is wrong or hes doing something wrong to me that I cant see. Even if he isnt. And I tend to push him away or breakup because before he even does something, i already accused him in my head. I am already a victim of something that hasnt happened yet 😢
That is because he is making you insecure deep down. Some guys trigger that part in you.
You just need to find one that makes you feel secure and that won’t happen anymore.
Aquas are good at doing that. Making me feel secure when i have the weird stuff going in my head. Which is why I adore them. None of the aquas I was with ever cheated so it was very promising.
I agree. Aqua are the only men that can make me feel secure. I think it’s because they don’t play games and if they really care for you you know it very deeply.
YES!!!i
They are direct. If they want you, they want you. If they dont then you know it. The important thing for me is to not get cheated on and feel that I can give my heart to them and they wont break it. Im starting to learn how to trust them with my emotions. I just hope im not wrong.
click to expand
Exactly!
I think you can trust him. You know it. And he is a January aqua. Serious and not so much of a player.
If he makes you feel secure it’s for a reason. That doesn’t happen with everyone.
Posted by WittyGem88
Moon in the 12th. This is true. Trying to find something wrong when its all going perfectly. Ugh.i dont have that problem. 12th house usually has the "victim" mentality. loll
i read that at a professional astrologer's site...and i was annoyed. but well pisces is usually "victimized" because they take alot of punching.
That is the victim mentality for me. I always come to a point when i think something is wrong or hes doing something wrong to me that I cant see. Even if he isnt. And I tend to push him away or breakup because before he even does something, i already accused him in my head. I am already a victim of something that hasnt happened yet 😢
That is because he is making you insecure deep down. Some guys trigger that part in you.
You just need to find one that makes you feel secure and that won’t happen anymore.
Aquas are good at doing that. Making me feel secure when i have the weird stuff going in my head. Which is why I adore them. None of the aquas I was with ever cheated so it was very promising.
I agree. Aqua are the only men that can make me feel secure. I think it’s because they don’t play games and if they really care for you you know it very deeply.
YES!!!i
They are direct. If they want you, they want you. If they dont then you know it. The important thing for me is to not get cheated on and feel that I can give my heart to them and they wont break it. Im starting to learn how to trust them with my emotions. I just hope im not wrong.
Exactly!
I think you can trust him. You know it. And he is a January aqua. Serious and not so much of a player.
If he makes you feel secure it’s for a reason. That doesn’t happen with everyone.
Current aqua is amazing. Haha! He made me live again. Lol i’m skyping him tonight 🙂 i get giddy when we have skype schedule lol
click to expand
Oh so sweet 😊
Posted by WittyGem88
Moon in the 12th. This is true. Trying to find something wrong when its all going perfectly. Ugh.i dont have that problem. 12th house usually has the "victim" mentality. loll
i read that at a professional astrologer's site...and i was annoyed. but well pisces is usually "victimized" because they take alot of punching.
That is the victim mentality for me. I always come to a point when i think something is wrong or hes doing something wrong to me that I cant see. Even if he isnt. And I tend to push him away or breakup because before he even does something, i already accused him in my head. I am already a victim of something that hasnt happened yet 😢
That is because he is making you insecure deep down. Some guys trigger that part in you.
You just need to find one that makes you feel secure and that won’t happen anymore.
Aquas are good at doing that. Making me feel secure when i have the weird stuff going in my head. Which is why I adore them. None of the aquas I was with ever cheated so it was very promising.
I agree. Aqua are the only men that can make me feel secure. I think it’s because they don’t play games and if they really care for you you know it very deeply.
YES!!!i
They are direct. If they want you, they want you. If they dont then you know it. The important thing for me is to not get cheated on and feel that I can give my heart to them and they wont break it. Im starting to learn how to trust them with my emotions. I just hope im not wrong.
Exactly!
I think you can trust him. You know it. And he is a January aqua. Serious and not so much of a player.
If he makes you feel secure it’s for a reason. That doesn’t happen with everyone.
click to expand
I agree with this ... I was with a decan one and decan three
The decan three (Feb 13) was a nutter, lol
Posted by WittyGem88
Moon in the 12th. This is true. Trying to find something wrong when its all going perfectly. Ugh.i dont have that problem. 12th house usually has the "victim" mentality. loll
i read that at a professional astrologer's site...and i was annoyed. but well pisces is usually "victimized" because they take alot of punching.
That is the victim mentality for me. I always come to a point when i think something is wrong or hes doing something wrong to me that I cant see. Even if he isnt. And I tend to push him away or breakup because before he even does something, i already accused him in my head. I am already a victim of something that hasnt happened yet 😢
That is because he is making you insecure deep down. Some guys trigger that part in you.
You just need to find one that makes you feel secure and that won’t happen anymore.
Aquas are good at doing that. Making me feel secure when i have the weird stuff going in my head. Which is why I adore them. None of the aquas I was with ever cheated so it was very promising.
I agree. Aqua are the only men that can make me feel secure. I think it’s because they don’t play games and if they really care for you you know it very deeply.
YES!!!i
They are direct. If they want you, they want you. If they dont then you know it. The important thing for me is to not get cheated on and feel that I can give my heart to them and they wont break it. Im starting to learn how to trust them with my emotions. I just hope im not wrong.
Exactly!
I think you can trust him. You know it. And he is a January aqua. Serious and not so much of a player.
If he makes you feel secure it’s for a reason. That doesn’t happen with everyone.
I agree with this ... I was with a decan one and decan three
The decan three (Feb 13) was a nutter, lol
click to expand
I know them both very well and they are very different but nice anyway
Posted by WittyGem88
Moon in the 12th. This is true. Trying to find something wrong when its all going perfectly. Ugh.i dont have that problem. 12th house usually has the "victim" mentality. loll
i read that at a professional astrologer's site...and i was annoyed. but well pisces is usually "victimized" because they take alot of punching.
That is the victim mentality for me. I always come to a point when i think something is wrong or hes doing something wrong to me that I cant see. Even if he isnt. And I tend to push him away or breakup because before he even does something, i already accused him in my head. I am already a victim of something that hasnt happened yet 😢
That is because he is making you insecure deep down. Some guys trigger that part in you.
You just need to find one that makes you feel secure and that won’t happen anymore.
Aquas are good at doing that. Making me feel secure when i have the weird stuff going in my head. Which is why I adore them. None of the aquas I was with ever cheated so it was very promising.
I agree. Aqua are the only men that can make me feel secure. I think it’s because they don’t play games and if they really care for you you know it very deeply.
YES!!!i
They are direct. If they want you, they want you. If they dont then you know it. The important thing for me is to not get cheated on and feel that I can give my heart to them and they wont break it. Im starting to learn how to trust them with my emotions. I just hope im not wrong.
Exactly!
I think you can trust him. You know it. And he is a January aqua. Serious and not so much of a player.
If he makes you feel secure it’s for a reason. That doesn’t happen with everyone.
I agree with this ... I was with a decan one and decan three
The decan three (Feb 13) was a nutter, lol
I know them both very well and they are very different but nice anyway
click to expand
You are very sweet
Very Piscean
🙂
I'm only on page 6 but I wanted to chime in before yoga. It took me leaving my fiance and moving across country to stop my selfsabotaging. That will be the last. I hurt so badly every day. I thought I was doing the world a favor when really I was being selfish emotionally. I needed to change. I could see the wreckage behind me and I couldn't take it. The final hurt made me completely reassess my strategy and my choices. Now I can say I approach it extremely differently but I will never forget what I last pushed away....
12th house moon and chiron if it means anything to ya
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It's not them, it's you.
You like the idea of relationships.... but really youre terrified of commitment and you had no idea. So you sabotage and then justify it by saying they messed up some imaginary issue you created!
Hi!!!! It's ya girl!