Advice for a friend!

Now that my situation is a done deal... Maybe y'all can help with my friends situation since some of u guys give great advice. Hers is similar to mine except they didn't meet online. They graduated HS together. Started off as FWB, a few months later she got pregnant but miscarried about 5 months in. Since then she told him that she has feelings for him and that she wanted to try to get pregnant again. At first he was all for it but told her to wait a month and make sure that's what she really wants and not just in her feelings. A month later after telling him how she felt and not getting a response from him, she decided that she would leave it alone and not try to get pregnant again. She also decided to stop having sex with him. Well even after she cut sex off a few months back he still keeps in contact with her. She said she sometimes feels flirty so she'll send him suggestive photos and he's receptive (what man wouldn't be) but doesn't mention them having sex again. Just tells her he likes the pics and how beautiful she looks. Well this last time she sent him photos he asked her if they could have sex one last time. She said she said no and he was okay with that and said that he understood but wants her to keep sending him photos when she feels like it. Now with all that, she's thinking that he is interested in her but afraid to say it because he's been single for so long. I think she said he was single for about 8yrs but he did have another FWB who go pregnant by him and no relationship came of it.

I don't know what to tell her. My advice was to not get pregnant again and just move on. I don't think he wants a relationship. But... I'm not the best at reading signs. I get impatient and be ready say Fucknit quick. What do y'all think?

I think there are too many fish in the sea to deal with someone who may have commitment issues

Posted by Gennie
I think there are too many fish in the sea to deal with someone who may have commitment issues

I agree

That's crazy and this happened recently. Trust no one and make sure she does know what she wants and needs and it should be with someone your trust, love. And grow responsible for actions. Wear protection and have your own shit still and make sure he doesn't have other kids man. Wtf.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
That's crazy and this happened recently. Trust no one and make sure she does know what she wants and needs and it should be with someone your trust, love. And grow responsible for actions. Wear protection and have your own shit still and make sure he doesn't have other kids man. Wtf.

Yea, it happened recently and he has other kids. 1 or 2 I think... Not sure.

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
And she wants that? What kind of friend are you to let her do that from jump?

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428

Posted by FirstDecanTaurianWomen0428
And she wants that? What kind of friend are you to let her do that from jump?

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What kind of friend I am? The type that see the fact that we are both grown and make our own decisions. And how can I LET another grown person do anything? AlL I can do is share my opinion and what she does then is her choice. SO IF UR NOT TRYING TO GIVE ADVICE BUT RATHER PASS JUDGEMENT ON WHAT TYPE OF FRIEND I MAY BE, please move on to another thread!

Posted by Foreverloveme
I don't like your friends situation, I agree with you. I think she should move on because it doesn't sound like he wants a relationship. What is her sign and his? Also what type of father is he to the kids he already has?

Her bday is Nov 13th and his is Jan 11

Posted by Foreverloveme
I'd find out how he is with his other kid(s). Remove the kid idea for now, if she's set on that she might want to move on. Focus on working on the relationship if she wants to stay...like trying hanging out without sex or if they are connecting on any other levels conversation wise more than just sending sexual pics.

Have you met the guy? If so what was your initial impression of him?

I'm sorry... Missed the kids part. He's great with his kids from what I've seen and heard. My initial thoughts... I think he's cool. He's fun to be around when we go out or when they come over but he can be standoffish at times I feel.

Posted by Foreverloveme
If she wants to be patient give it another month or 2 to see if it goes anywhere...this one is hard to tell because I could see both sides of it going either way

I like him for her, he's really a good dude but I still don't think he wants a relationship. I don't think he wants to tell her because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings.

Am I the only one who doesn't see a red flag? One kid from a FWB situation, accidents happen. By my count this guy had at least 3, one of which was your friend's miscarriage. That just smacks of irresponsibility. And before someone hops in here about both sides being responsible.....I'm specifically pointing out that if I were a guy, after the second kid, I'd be paranoid about keeping my stuff under wraps.

Is he truly irresponsible? I dunno, but his situation doesn't translate well on its own.

Posted by Foreverloveme

Posted by LadyTate

Posted by Foreverloveme
If she wants to be patient give it another month or 2 to see if it goes anywhere...this one is hard to tell because I could see both sides of it going either way

I like him for her, he's really a good dude but I still don't think he wants a relationship. I don't think he wants to tell her because he doesn't want to hurt her feelings.

Oh ok I see. Do you think she would be okay just establishing a good friendship foundation? I mean there's stories in here of cap men not wanting a relationship atm, but ending up with the lady later on when he's ready for one.

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Think so... I think they already have a great friendship established.

Posted by Gennie
Am I the only one who doesn't see a red flag? One kid from a FWB situation, accidents happen. By my count this guy had at least 3, one of which was your friend's miscarriage. That just smacks of irresponsibility. And before someone hops in here about both sides being responsible.....I'm specifically pointing out that if I were a guy, after the second kid, I'd be paranoid about keeping my stuff under wraps.

Is he truly irresponsible? I dunno, but his situation doesn't translate well on its own.

I'm not sure if he has more than 1 kid. I've seen him with 2 but if my memory serves me correct, the sec child his not actually his but a child he was helping raise from a previous relationship. Again... I'm trying to remember all the facts.

Posted by Foreverloveme
Keep in mind too that Caps typically think long term & want those types of relationships. Him asking for sex 1 last time could be his version of I miss you or trying to reestablish the relationship.

If she's unsure just give it time. If he truly wants her, he'll get over himself the same way yours did.

I told her I would let it go and see what happens. Wait and see if he reaches out to her and shows interest in more than just being a FWB. I mean that's what I had to do in my situation for him to see that I needed more from him then my own assumption.

Posted by ElleDuMonde
your friends sounds all kinds of fucked up.

I mean, something is seriously wrong if she's trying to get pregnant via FWB.

I would say she needs therapy.

She's not at all fucked up, as u say. I mean u would have to know her reason and full story to really understand her choice in wanting to get pregnant again.

Posted by ElleDuMonde
I'm not trying to be mean but she seems to be validating her existence with knotches in her bed post...it's going to end up looking like the back of a mini van that has those pictures of people, kids and pets.

If she isn't looking for a relationship than she shouldn't be negotiating on having children. There are sperm banks for that.

I'm not against people sowing their oats through fwb....not my cup of tea....but I know it happens.

I am a bit perturbed that women use kids to keep men in their life.

That's not how you relationship.

*shrugs*

How do u figure she's validating her existence with knot he's on her bed post. U don't know how many men she's slept with. He could very well be the 2nd or 3rd man she's ever been with. Maybe she is choosing to have a child with him rather than going to a sperm bank because she knows what she's getting rather going be injected with unknown sperm. Could that be a reason ppl prefer to have children with ppl they know rather than going to a alarm bank? AND... What makes u think she is trying to use a kid to keep that man in her life? How do u know she just doesn't want another child? As her friend, I know for a fact that she isn't trying to use the child to keep him in her life. She actually just wants another child. Her are about to graduate HS and go off to collage and she's ready to start over. U say ur not against ppl who FWB but yet ur post seems to be judging them.

Posted by ElleDuMonde
There is no good reason. He didn't give her a month to think about anything....he gave himself enough time to bail.

How do u figure?

Posted by ElleDuMonde
A month later after telling him how she felt and not getting a response from him,

^^^^^^^

A response as to if he wants a relationship He is still willing to give her a child. My guess is that he may also want another. Idk...

Posted by ElleDuMonde
She is forcing a baby on him....18+ years of commitment and they are FWB.

How do you not see an issue with this?

He wasn't screwing her to make a baby....I think it would be fair if she let him know her intent.

In my opinion, he dodged a bullet.

He knew she wanted another child from day one... For the moment they decided to have unprotected sex (as far as I know). He chose to take a chance just as much as she did so I wouldn't say she is trying to trap him.

Posted by ElleDuMonde
I see alot of issues and I don't see anything good coming out of this.

Sorry.

I understand... And I may have become defensive of her because I kind of felt like u were attacking her.