Hopeless but hopeful

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Starrylady07
@Starrylady07
9 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 23 · Topics: 8
My ex -boyfriend and I have been together one year three months and living together for six months and still are. He dumped me Monday night on the drive home. We are still sleeping in the same bed and I still cook. I'm not sure I'm doing myself any good. He said he still loves me but is done with the relationship which is my fault because I lied about some minor things which was something really big to him. I officially apologize to him face to face he accepted but said we are friends we can't fix us. I honestly don't think he truly because his actions are still us based. I believe he's hurting as much as me and he isn't forcing me to move out. Do you think there is a way I can win him back? I really love him and believe he is my soulmate and I really messed up and I need some sign to see if this could work or move on so I won't cause additional pain to myself. Him still being so caring and getting alone like nothing happened and him calling me baby still makes it so confusing for me. Help please!!!!
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LadyNeptune
@LadyNeptune
10 Years25,000+ Posts

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Posted by Starrylady07
My ex -boyfriend and I have been together one year three months and living together for six months and still are. He dumped me...

We are still sleeping in the same bed and I still cook. I'm not sure I'm doing myself any good.

He said he still loves me but is done with the relationship which is my fault because I lied about some minor things which was something really big to him.

I believe he's hurting as much as me and he isn't forcing me to move out.

...and I really messed up and I need some sign to see if this could work or move on so I won't cause additional pain to myself.
Your entire post, including the tittle, is riddled in contradictions.

The fact that you term your lies as 'minor', dismissing them as insignificant while they were obviously hugely important to him. Significant enough for him to dump you.

Why are you waiting for a sign to stay? Just because he wasn't a dick and kicked you out to sleep in your car doesn't signify that he will take you back. He's made himself clear about where he stands with you. It's OVER. Walk away with some dignity still intact.
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LadyNeptune
@LadyNeptune
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Posted by losallana
Also...don't ever move in with a guy until you've been together at LEAST a couple years.
Imo there isn't a specific timeline one needs to follow before moving in together to be successful.

More importantly is that you have an exit strategy in place so that your not having to sleep in the same bed as the man who just ripped out your heart, *points at OP.
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Starrylady07
@Starrylady07
9 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 23 · Topics: 8
Posted by losallana
Oh, and for the record, since everyone is talking about Cancer being petty. I am actually a Cancer....and I was loyal to the core with our relationship to the bitter, bitter end. It took me a LONG hard time to finally pull the plug.
Thank you so much for your honest opinion and sharing your story. The lies were from the foundation we met on Facebook I never told him mynfb name wasn't my real name so that was lie #1.:I told him my family still lives in NY they don't they stay in GA where we met before moving to AL. ( I didn't want him to meet my family yet my mother is mentally I'll) when we moved together in July I had to tell other lies to cover the lies about my name and family location otherwise I was being faithful and supportive to him I didn't open enough because I didn't want to lie anymore so eventually he found my social security card and I confessed and he was like ok that's silly but not detrimental to our union weeks later which was Monday after a weekend with my family he picks me up and was like I just can't shake this feeling you still lying to me which I wasn't I was trying to regain his trust again. Of course he didn't believe me and was like I'm done with this relationship (_this Monday night) fast forward we are still in this house together speaking but not as much still friendly but I know he's still hurting so am I. I've cried a few times just looking at him. I feel we are dead in the water for now but I feel we could build something new. I've been demoted to good friend but he still genuinely care about me I can feel it in my soul. Otherwise he could be cold stay away from home and not even talk to me. He's still acting like we are together st some extent just not physically. As a cancer do you think this man could still be in love with me as I am with him? Do we just need time apart to know if something new could happen?;
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Starrylady07
@Starrylady07
9 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 23 · Topics: 8
Thank you I will have that talk with him a few days before I move just to see if we can move forward for now I will give him his space let him think/heal a little. Then see if he really means that with his heart or was it hurt? Is this a wise thing to do? I think now will be way too soon even though he has forgiven me and been so kind to me. I'm afraid if I ask now I will ruin any slim chance possible . if then he says he's done I have no choice but to move on . do you think this is a good idea ?

Posted by losallana
Of course he still loves you. A lot of times break-ups have nothing to do with our feelings about someone, but what we think is best for ourselves or if the relationship just isn't working or right for us. In your scenario, your best bet is to be an open book about everything going forward. Any other secrets you have, cough them up now, lay it all out - the good, bad and ugly.

And don't ever lie to cover something up that has to do with *who* you are as a person, even if you are ashamed of your family. A man is going to love you for exactly who you are, flaws and all (the right man) and that is the beauty of love - it can heal people. In relationships, you need to be vulnerable in order for the relationship to really go deeper. Or else you are just wading in shallow waters. He probably feels like he was vulnerable to you and he got jipped and he's hurt. As he should be. But it is fixable. You have to really talk to him about what you'll do to be truthful going forward.

And if he still doesn't want to make it work than you will have to suck it up and move forward with your life. You wouldn't be the first one!

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rockyroadicecream
@rockyroadicecream
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Posted by lovinglibra
Posted by rockyroadicecream
"Hopeless but hopeful"

Image Not Found
Dude! This was to funny! ‚‚‚­


Btw, teach me how to post pics, purleaaaase!
Just copy the image url and paste it. It automatically codes for you. Just preview the post before posting because sometimes the links won't post due to shareability.

Posted by Aggrippina66789
Posted by Westsidekodak
LOL if i find out my girl real's name through a ssi card and she lied about her family its a wrap for her ass.
He should get on with then. Instead of hanging around ...not good for either of them.
click to expand

...I was under the impression she's in his territory and is waiting to move out in 3 weeks. :/

She's more dependent on the situation than he is.
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rockyroadicecream
@rockyroadicecream
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Posted by Westsidekodak
LOL if i find out my girl real's name through a ssi card and she lied about her family its a wrap for her ass.
Right? Like someone else said, WHY would you fucking lie about your name? You seriously cannot trust people like that. It's just the tip of the iceberg. I don't blame him for being upset because it plants that seed of doubt. "Well shit, if she's lying about her NAME, what the hell else will she lie about??"

I came across someone like that once (online). Lied about the name... but then more came to light- he lied about a supposed friend, lied about siblings, lied about other shit. Turns out the guy practically was a compulsive liar.

Little white lies are one thing, but when you start lying about basic shit that really doesn't need to be lied about- like their name, something is wrong with them.
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rockyroadicecream
@rockyroadicecream
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Posted by VanillaExt
Posted by rockyroadicecream
Posted by Westsidekodak
LOL if i find out my girl real's name through a ssi card and she lied about her family its a wrap for her ass.
Right? Like someone else said, WHY would you fucking lie about your name? You seriously cannot trust people like that. It's just the tip of the iceberg. I don't blame him for being upset because it plants that seed of doubt. "Well shit, if she's lying about her NAME, what the hell else will she lie about??"

I came across someone like that once (online). Lied about the name... but then more came to light- he lied about a supposed friend, lied about siblings, lied about other shit. Turns out the guy practically was a compulsive liar.

Little white lies are one thing, but when you start lying about basic shit that really doesn't need to be lied about- like their name, something is wrong with them.
I think there's also hurt because you're supposed to be able to tell each other everything. To know I'm not trusted? It hurts. But it's interesting how people can turn into compulsive liars. For certain, op needs to get to the knitty gritty behind her lies and get help. I'm curious if op's ex may one day drop the ball and tell her to get out. Or will he up and leave when he has someone else to go to?
click to expand

If you look at her first post, she says she's moving out in 3 weeks.

She's scrambling to change his mind by then which is why she's created three threads in about a week in regard to this guy.
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rockyroadicecream
@rockyroadicecream
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Posted by VanillaExt
Posted by rockyroadicecream
Posted by VanillaExt
Posted by rockyroadicecream
Posted by Westsidekodak
LOL if i find out my girl real's name through a ssi card and she lied about her family its a wrap for her ass.
Right? Like someone else said, WHY would you fucking lie about your name? You seriously cannot trust people like that. It's just the tip of the iceberg. I don't blame him for being upset because it plants that seed of doubt. "Well shit, if she's lying about her NAME, what the hell else will she lie about??"

I came across someone like that once (online). Lied about the name... but then more came to light- he lied about a supposed friend, lied about siblings, lied about other shit. Turns out the guy practically was a compulsive liar.

Little white lies are one thing, but when you start lying about basic shit that really doesn't need to be lied about- like their name, something is wrong with them.
I think there's also hurt because you're supposed to be able to tell each other everything. To know I'm not trusted? It hurts. But it's interesting how people can turn into compulsive liars. For certain, op needs to get to the knitty gritty behind her lies and get help. I'm curious if op's ex may one day drop the ball and tell her to get out. Or will he up and leave when he has someone else to go to?
If you look at her first post, she says she's moving out in 3 weeks.

She's scrambling to change his mind by then which is why she's created three threads in about a week in regard to this guy.
Why do I get the feeling she isn't making plans to leave in three weeks?
click to expand

Just based off these threads alone, it's hard not to think that, tbh. She's sitting here, plotting ways to get him to change his mind, in utter desperation. Nevermind the imagining things getting better because he's being nice to her. Have some freaking dignity, Jesus. :/
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Starrylady07
@Starrylady07
9 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 23 · Topics: 8
I know y'all are going to just get a kick out of this then. Last night while in bed my ex grabbed me and held me for the longest it was like a unspoken bond of everything we've been going through. I'm taking that with a grain of salt until I see how his follow up behavior is. If he truly wanted me to move be gone he really just sent a really scrabble message. I felt love in that enbace it wasn't cold or awkward.
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lovinglibra
@lovinglibra
10 Years

Comments: 0 · Posts: 90 · Topics: 1
Posted by rockyroadicecream
Posted by lovinglibra
Posted by rockyroadicecream
"Hopeless but hopeful"

Image Not Found
Dude! This was to funny! ‚‚‚­


Btw, teach me how to post pics, purleaaaase!
Just copy the image url and paste it. It automatically codes for you. Just preview the post before posting because sometimes the links won't post due to shareability.

Posted by Aggrippina66789
Posted by Westsidekodak
LOL if i find out my girl real's name through a ssi card and she lied about her family its a wrap for her ass.
He should get on with then. Instead of hanging around ...not good for either of them.
...I was under the impression she's in his territory and is waiting to move out in 3 weeks. :/

She's more dependent on the situation than he is.
click to expand



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rockyroadicecream
@rockyroadicecream
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Posted by Starrylady07
I know y'all are going to just get a kick out of this then. Last night while in bed my ex grabbed me and held me for the longest it was like a unspoken bond of everything we've been going through. I'm taking that with a grain of salt until I see how his follow up behavior is. If he truly wanted me to move be gone he really just sent a really scrabble message. I felt love in that enbace it wasn't cold or awkward.
My Libra ex and I hooked up shortly after our break up (it was a week before xmas and we'd had xmas plans at the time and decided to follow through with them because of the holiday).

He was all sweet and all this crap that was a tad confusing considering, at that point, it was just hooking up. ...He had no interest in getting back together, but the way he behaved at that point would give off another impression.


The fwbs I've had were also cuddly and affectionate, but had no interest in more. You should learn how men function and stop reading the situation as if you're translating a woman's behavior.

...also stop sleeping in the same bed. What the hell is wrong with both of you? No wonder it's a cluster fuck. Sleep on the damned couch. You're giving dude a cakey eaty situation.
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rockyroadicecream
@rockyroadicecream
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 1243 · Posts: 16617 · Topics: 170
Posted by lovinglibra
Posted by rockyroadicecream
Posted by lovinglibra
Posted by rockyroadicecream
"Hopeless but hopeful"

Image Not Found
Dude! This was to funny! ‚‚‚­


Btw, teach me how to post pics, purleaaaase!
Just copy the image url and paste it. It automatically codes for you. Just preview the post before posting because sometimes the links won't post due to shareability.

Posted by Aggrippina66789
Posted by Westsidekodak
LOL if i find out my girl real's name through a ssi card and she lied about her family its a wrap for her ass.
He should get on with then. Instead of hanging around ...not good for either of them.
...I was under the impression she's in his territory and is waiting to move out in 3 weeks. :/

She's more dependent on the situation than he is.


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Happy Valentine's Day

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truecap
@truecap
13 Years10,000+ Posts

Comments: 8 · Posts: 20090 · Topics: 685
Posted by Starrylady07
Posted by losallana
Oh, and for the record, since everyone is talking about Cancer being petty. I am actually a Cancer....and I was loyal to the core with our relationship to the bitter, bitter end. It took me a LONG hard time to finally pull the plug.
Thank you so much for your honest opinion and sharing your story. The lies were from the foundation we met on Facebook I never told him mynfb name wasn't my real name so that was lie #1.:I told him my family still lives in NY they don't they stay in GA where we met before moving to AL. ( I didn't want him to meet my family yet my mother is mentally I'll) when we moved together in July I had to tell other lies to cover the lies about my name and family location ;
click to expand

My opinion - this is only forgiveable if you are in Witness Protection. Otherwise, after living with someone I'd be like. WTF are you?
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P-Angel
@P-Angel
20 Years25,000+ PostsPisces

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Posted by Starrylady07

He dumped me Monday night on the drive home. We are still sleeping in the same bed and I still cook.




good for him ... let him take advantage and use you for a while

the universe always answers .... looks like you get to experience your own misery for now .... and he gets to enjoy the ride without having to care about you


I don't see what the problem is here.

People deserve what they have earned .... if you want to deserve better, then you have to earn better ... thus far, you are getting exactly what you have coming to you.