sorry! didn't mean to tell you how to suck...err...eggs... 😄
Open Relationships (Page 2)
You are on page out of 2 | Reverse Order
Posted by jeaneI'll listen to your advice on how to suck eggs anytime. Bwahhh ha ha ha ha ha....an instruction manual with visuals is preferred. lol ha ha ha haPosted by MsTeeq1974sorry! didn't mean to tell you how to suck...err...eggs... 😄Posted by jeaneOh Honey, I'm right there with you. This isn't the first time I've dabbled in the possibility of having a relationship with an alternate lifestyle. I'm just honing in on what it is that I see working with this particular partner, since I know I definitely want to be with him long term and so far...the feeling is mutual. Very mutual. I'm doing A LOT of research before doing anything concrete. Definitely.Posted by Rambunctious76along with the baby step, i think you need to draw clear boundaries. what is ok and what isn't. you also have to stake the claim as the primary partner. i would do a lot of reading into this before i jumped (the cautious libra in me) and made sure you spoke to as many people as possible for doing anything you might regret.Posted by jeaneI was going to suggest this too. Baby steps. Learning where your boundaries are (putting theories into practice)
what about just trying it with one other couple and work your way up from there?
I won't sugarcoat anything up for you. Oftentimes couples think there's some excitement and diversity in swinging and and open relationships. I've heard it a zillion times where they say they trust each other enough, and then a few years down the road I learn they've split because of trust issues. I have to say though that going beyond your monogamous relationship is an excellent tool for discovering the chinks in your relationship armour, but if you're not ready to be faced with those chinks, don't go into it.
I only know of 2 successful open relationships in my immediate circle, 1 of which has branched out into polyamory.click to expand
I couldn't even IMAGINE sharing my partner. Hiss. But I do wonder what placements are more likely to be into that.
Posted by MsTeeq1974i'm up ePosted by Rambunctious76I always thought that possessiveness is learned behavior. That's MY mom, MY friend, MY partner. In the US we have a history of owning people in one way or another that doesn't exist in the same way in other cultures.Posted by narayanaDo you have the references for your above statement? I am interested to know where you heard/learned this from. Or if it's just based on personal experience.Posted by MsTeeq1974I agree that cheating doesn't mean they don't love you,but at the end most of the people are monogamous by nature, jealousy and possessiveness are biologically programmed more or less in each of us . Even the one who cheats usually wouldn't be fine if the other one turned out to be a cheater as well. I guess cheating is a result of not being treated as they expected to be, even if everything seems okay with the relationship, one is certainly feeling unfulfilled in some way. Humans are self-centered by nature, all struggling with double-standards at some degree.Posted by narayanaSee...that's interesting. I couldn't engage in something like this without a partnership. lol ha ha ha ha I need the security of an equal participating partner in order to engage and feel cool with it. I've never had that feeling that I couldn't share my partner in an open fashion. Now, do I want my partner creeping on me? Hell no. I think that's more disrespectful than having an open arrangement. I feel like I want to trust and be trusted by my partner to the point of having open communication. I want us to be able to talk about the hard stuff as casually as we talk about the weather or about how our families are doing. You know....
Naah, I could have a 3some, 4some, 5some with people I have no feelings for, but I could never share my partner.
Now a days, even though I don't want my partner cheating on me...never that...I'm even like..."You know...what he does is his business." IDK...it's weird but my eyes are opening to some truths that I don't think people ever get to. Like the fact that a partner cheating on you doesn't mean that partner isn't in love with you. Not at all. I wouldn't have seen it like that...maybe 5-10 years ago. The older I get and the more relationship experience I gain, I'm starting to see things differently. My ideals of what love is hasn't changed...yet, but how it's expressed and the confines, limits, and avenues of its expression have changed a whole lot.click to expand
i'm up early lol had to make coffee and breakfast for hubby. sooooooooo let me tell you this, to be very very honest i was Always ALWAYS possessive early in childhood. I remember that my mother DISCIPLINED me that i was selfish and possessive with my things when other children came to play. She told me to "share" my crayons, colouring pencils and books with them. I said NO! i refused to play with them and i didnt like them. I got in big ass trouble. This was EARLY in childhood. i was not in kindergarten yet. True story. So it's INHERITED.
when i was disciplined, i cried and i had to PRAY!!! because my family is religious. I had to PRAY for forgiveness that i'm SELFISH.
can you fucking believe that—? it' fucking true. This is as early as BABY stage and early as children stage.
when i was disciplined, i cried and i had to PRAY!!! because my family is religious. I had to PRAY for forgiveness that i'm SELFISH.
can you fucking believe that—? it' fucking true. This is as early as BABY stage and early as children stage.
so NO...it' NOT learned behaviour. Because if you're a stubborn motherfucker you're Always gonna be the same as when you were a child.
Posted by lisabethur8Well I've never been selfish, even as a child, unless I didn't like someone. I wanted everyone to enjoy whatever we had available... Equally, no matter whose house we were at or who owned which toys....even if they were mine.
so NO...it' NOT learned behaviour. Because if you're a stubborn motherfucker you're Always gonna be the same as when you were a child.
and there was a topic here eearlier about CHILDREN and BABIES and i participated and told folks about taurus baby with aquarius moon and baby libra with cancer moon and his powerful attention seeking leo mars.
Seriously!!! this is very very astrology related and early as baby stage. If you work in a day care or children care, it's best to observe babies. Cause that's what even my husband's friends do, with their children and they tell me cause they observe and watch their children. They are NOT into astrology but they tell me their babie's bdays of course.
also i'm dominant taurus, due to pullen and chart. And that's where taurus posessiveness comes in. I mean is being possessive and selfish an aquarius trait—? According to astrologers it's not. And plus i married YOUNG, is that an aquarius trait?? i dont think so.
Seriously!!! this is very very astrology related and early as baby stage. If you work in a day care or children care, it's best to observe babies. Cause that's what even my husband's friends do, with their children and they tell me cause they observe and watch their children. They are NOT into astrology but they tell me their babie's bdays of course.
also i'm dominant taurus, due to pullen and chart. And that's where taurus posessiveness comes in. I mean is being possessive and selfish an aquarius trait—? According to astrologers it's not. And plus i married YOUNG, is that an aquarius trait?? i dont think so.
Posted by MsTeeq1974oh lol i didnt like the kids by the way.Posted by lisabethur8Well I've never been selfish, even as a child, unless I didn't like someone. I wanted everyone to enjoy whatever we had available... Equally, no matter whose house we were at or who owned which toys....even if they were mine.
so NO...it' NOT learned behaviour. Because if you're a stubborn motherfucker you're Always gonna be the same as when you were a child.click to expand
but i didnt like many children so i didnt play with many. I was very very selective.
omg. is that a capricorn trait— being selective?? that might be the one.
but how do you tell your parents even as young as kindergarten or earlier that you dont like those children— it sounds SNOBBY!!
also, @MsTeeq, people on this forum don't really tell about how they are as a child, and what their parents and family members say they are like early.
it would be nice if they told about their early childhood and what they are like, so we can see.
also, you too, MsTeeq, what kind of child were you like?? this will show you what you are like, and then as an adult we are able to make choices.
it would be nice if they told about their early childhood and what they are like, so we can see.
also, you too, MsTeeq, what kind of child were you like?? this will show you what you are like, and then as an adult we are able to make choices.
A few years ago a very attractive couple approached me about joining them for the night while I was was, get this, in a Ralph's grocery store haha. I didn't go for it at the time but if I ever do anything with multiple partners it would be as the girl who comes in, fucks the couple, and then LEAVES.
The idea of an open relationship does not appeal to me. I don't want to share my man or be shared. This could be my Aries moon and Taurus Venus talking.
Or, more correctly I should say, an open relationship doesn't appeal to me right now. I'm in my late 20s, who knows how I'd feel in my 40s, 50s, etc. Might try it in the future but at the present it doesn't hold any attraction for me.
I will suggest having an exit strategy in place in case you try it and decide it's not for you.
The idea of an open relationship does not appeal to me. I don't want to share my man or be shared. This could be my Aries moon and Taurus Venus talking.
Or, more correctly I should say, an open relationship doesn't appeal to me right now. I'm in my late 20s, who knows how I'd feel in my 40s, 50s, etc. Might try it in the future but at the present it doesn't hold any attraction for me.
I will suggest having an exit strategy in place in case you try it and decide it's not for you.
Posted by Twodrinks*shrug*
How is there any correlation whatsoever between sharing your crayons as a toddler and sharing your husband——?
Someone help me out here.
As a child I wanted people to want to play with my toys. oh? You like this toy too? Here you play with it for a while! It's cool Huh?
This doesn't mean im gonna be dressing my husband up and parading him around and whoring him out so I can watch other people enjoy him too. Because he's not my possession...he's my companion.
So dig a little deeper into your psyche because I don't see the correlation.
if you dont get it then you dont get it.
ii already opened up how i am as a child. how about you??
we're all different.
soooooo different strokes!!!
soooooo different strokes!!!
it's frustrating when people dont get it. I dont like open relationships. PERIOD. okay— Capice—
Posted by lisabethur8As a child, I was sweet, very open, made loads of friends of all backgrounds AND ages, was a ring leader of sorts, active, competitive, adventurous, and nurturing. I was the kid that would see the shy kid looking at us having fun on the sidelines and pull them into the game all of the while teaching them how to play and taking up the slack for their lack of skill. I was also very giving. There was this little girl when I was about 7 and my mom had this thing where she would take me shopping out of guilt. The whole basket was filled with fun shit and her check was declined. I cried and made her buy one thing...the doll I'd picked out for this girl in class that was poor and was always teased about it. I remember getting on the back of a strange man's horse at 4 because this dude came strolling through the apartment complex with a horse...that was super cool. No other kids trusted him...I didn't give a damn...I got on anyways. I was about 4-5 years old. I was also a bit of a vigilante. I remember this mean as little spoiled brat of a girl laying on the stairs as I was going down and I asked her to move repeatedly. I even said please. Well, she didn't move so I purposely stomped on her stomach when I walked ON her. She deserved it. I was very artistic and creative. I danced, sang, drew, wrote short stories (by the time I was 7 I was writing elaborate stories and reading at a 10th grade level), was extremely smart placed in the "gifted" program for smart kids, absent minded with a mean streak though. I also remember after watching the movie Annie, at about 7-8 years old I convinced a group of kids that it would be a great idea to sing "Tomorrow" at the top of our lungs. Thinking about it now...that was hilarious. I taught them the entire song and formed a choir on the spot. We sang so loud that there was a noise complaint against us. The other kids scattered after we were reprimanded...I kept singing on behalf of all orphans, everywhere. My family also allowed me to watch Cheech and Chong and I did the same damn thing on behalf of whales by singing, "Save the Whales"....that corny ass half baked song. lol I jumped into one of my older brother's fights when I was like 9. I was in tap dance and a friend of my brother's put him in a choke hold where he couldn't breath. He was asthmatic, so I binged the dude in the head with my tap dance shoes that were in this cloth bag...made for a great weapon. I wa
also, @MsTeeq, people on this forum don't really tell about how they are as a child, and what their parents and family members say they are like early.
it would be nice if they told about their early childhood and what they are like, so we can see.
also, you too, MsTeeq, what kind of child were you like?? this will show you what you are like, and then as an adult we are able to make choices.
made for a great weapon. I was always well liked, admire, and somewhat feared as a kid. lol And as you can see...I've always been a tad bit crazy. I also rode motor cycles as a kid...like starting at 5 years old. I've never been afraid to try new/dangerous things.
Posted by CaptainPimpYour kick ass avatar says a lot. lolPosted by lisabethur8I can shimmer in.
also, @MsTeeq, people on this forum don't really tell about how they are as a child, and what their parents and family members say they are like early.
it would be nice if they told about their early childhood and what they are like, so we can see.
also, you too, MsTeeq, what kind of child were you like?? this will show you what you are like, and then as an adult we are able to make choices.
I shared my toys, i wasn't that selfish, it was just those that i found particularly attached to that i did not share. Even now as i have grown up, i share anything except my most important items. Like i wont ever borrow you my laptop/pc 😆, or money. I'm not very fond of borrowing money, except close friends.
Since i use them so much. You can take anything else tho.
Also as a kid i was chasing and making out with every girl i saw, as early as age 5, or hitting on my sisters 18 year old friends. So i seem very open back then, but i ain't now. Am to possesive.
My mindset changes often, i realize and am open that my way of thinking may not always be the best way of thinking.
In the future i might even be up to this, but i haven't even experienced the monogamous phase to it's end. Meaning i have never yet been in a relationship where i have reached the stage that i was sexually boored of my partner and want something new. Maybe someday?
Generally we always found out kinky stuff to do in 2 regardless.click to expand
Posted by GobshiteThis sounds like sarcasm. lol
All my relationships have been open, to a certain degree. Luckily, I always got on with their parents...
Posted by LadyNeptuneAbsolutely. If it's something we agree to do and move forward with it, I definitely want us to have an agreement where if either one doesn't want to do it anymore...then we both just stop. That's a part of being in a committed relationship. If one person wants to move and it's for a great reason...shit...you move.
A few years ago a very attractive couple approached me about joining them for the night while I was was, get this, in a Ralph's grocery store haha. I didn't go for it at the time but if I ever do anything with multiple partners it would be as the girl who comes in, fucks the couple, and then LEAVES.
The idea of an open relationship does not appeal to me. I don't want to share my man or be shared. This could be my Aries moon and Taurus Venus talking.
Or, more correctly I should say, an open relationship doesn't appeal to me right now. I'm in my late 20s, who knows how I'd feel in my 40s, 50s, etc. Might try it in the future but at the present it doesn't hold any attraction for me.
I will suggest having an exit strategy in place in case you try it and decide it's not for you.
Posted by TwodrinksLol...there's a correlation to the personality of not being possessive. However, the way that you've framed it out is not how it is. It's not dressing anyone up and whoring them out. I wouldn't do that and if that's what appealed to me, trust me...I'd be a pimpstress.
How is there any correlation whatsoever between sharing your crayons as a toddler and sharing your husband——?
Someone help me out here.
As a child I wanted people to want to play with my toys. oh? You like this toy too? Here you play with it for a while! It's cool Huh?
This doesn't mean im gonna be dressing my husband up and parading him around and whoring him out so I can watch other people enjoy him too. Because he's not my possession...he's my companion.
So dig a little deeper into your psyche because I don't see the correlation.
It's about a mutual enjoyment as a couple and being involved together even if it's one person actually having sex with someone else, but both of you are involved in some type of way...reference the cuckhold relationship I was in a few years ago. Do you see how deeply he was involved even though he wasn't physically present? He was VERY involved.
Posted by elllesqueMine is too... I'm not dressing anyone up and whoring them out. That's degrading and wrong.Posted by TwodrinksI have to agree with this.
How is there any correlation whatsoever between sharing your crayons as a toddler and sharing your husband——?
Someone help me out here.
As a child I wanted people to want to play with my toys. oh? You like this toy too? Here you play with it for a while! It's cool Huh?
This doesn't mean im gonna be dressing my husband up and parading him around and whoring him out so I can watch other people enjoy him too. Because he's not my possession...he's my companion.
So dig a little deeper into your psyche because I don't see the correlation.
I guess my definition of an open relationship is a little bit different.click to expand
Posted by cheekyfaerieVery interesting...shopping that led to swinging. I think we both know enough people without going in that direction. We live in a very liberal place. People here are open about many things and even if they don't partake, they can easily and without judgement introduce you to someone who is into whatever it is you're looking for.Posted by MsTeeq1974Dafuq? I am so givin you the side eye right now.Posted by jeaneI'm not opposed to that idea, but I definitely need to talk to him about it first. See...he's been doing this thing. he he he he...I think he actually WANTS me to have a threesome with him and one of his close friends or even his cousin. I get that vibe. I'm sure that I'm not wrong. When he started drinking the last time I saw him...his cousin was in the backseat and he started out driving. Then we switched in the middle of the 3 hour trip and he had me drive. Well, when I got out of the car as he was pissing on the side of the road, he was like "Damn Babe...holy shit...look at you." Then his cousin went deeper into the brush on the side of the road to piss and he was like, "What are you scared she's going to see you?" Then when we got back in the car...he was like, "Do you see all of this...look at her titties Cuz...look at this shit." And he lifted my arm so his cousin could get a view of my tits from the side...I had on a fitted long sleeve shirt. Then the rest of the way, they were both competing for my approval by singing love songs to me and seeing who was the best at romancing me while I drove. lol It was HILARIOUS.
what about just trying it with one other couple and work your way up from there?
His cousin won. lol I now call him, "My other boyfriend". My guy doesn't mind one bit.
Dunno about where you live, but here's a pretty sex positive place. Several couples I know started with one of the local sex shops. Went together to look at toys and saw they offered meetings/workshops on swinging and polyamory and...
Both attribute their success, as a couple, on that initial, positive atmosphere.
click to expand
Posted by YellowSubmarineRight...this is exactly how I feel about it. It's cool to me though that when it came up in our relationship convo...we were only like...not even 2 months into the relationship and I don't even remember who brought it up. It was a very organic conversation and each time anything about an alternate lifestyle as a couple has come up...it's been organic. We think alike in terms of the fact that you can't own people, control them, or make them do what you want them to do. We both value the freedom to make decisions as an individual while respecting the relationship and the tight bond is definitely there. It's not superficial, based on how we make each other feel. Meaning that if I don't contact him or he doesn't contact me...it's not like...OMG, I haven't heard from you today and that makes me feel bad, so let me consider whether or not this is the relationship for me. We've gotten past those initial insecurities and what we find is that every single time we come together in any way...it still remains great, fun, loving, etc. It's been awesome in that way...unconventional (with the distance and his work schedule), but yet great.
I totally understand the curiosity.. I don’t think it’s something I’d be inclined to do in the beginning of a relationship, but eventually.. yeah. It would take a while to get there for sure, and of course, the details of it would absolutely need to be discussed beforehand.
I mentioned in another thread that once you have a certain bond with someone, you are there for each other no matter what.. it’s akin to the security you feel in the longevity of your relationship, MsTeeq. So yeah, an open relationship could be explored with enough security and trust at the foundation of it.
The closest I ever came to this is the obvious.. men that wanted me to be with women. Honestly, it’s not an idea I would entirely rule out, but it just takes a rare lady to make me feel that way. I understood their desire to watch me though – that, I get.
I think the woman would probably be more successful than the guy at roping in outside interest in an open relationship.. and women are more inclined to give their hearts away as well.. so really, I think the man has more to worry about in this scenario than the woman, as far as security goes.
.. Then again, I can very possessive myself so I may just be talking out of my ass here.. I can’t speak from experience, but I get the curiosity – I’d definitely try it, but I have no idea if I could make a habit of it.
Posted by elllesqueNot at all. lol We've had discussions and he has had threesomes so he's ahead of me in the experience curve on that end. I think both of our experiences will help us decide what we choose to do. The reason why I opened this discussion up to a group of people is because I'm in the research phase. I don't do in depth research like this out of "curiosity"....not this much research. I just get the sense that a relationship with openness to it will work better for us rather than a committed relationship where both people want to be exclusive for the rest of their lives. See...that's the major factor in it. I'm not trying to be with him for the next 5 years. I'm trying to be with him for the rest of my life and anytime that convo has come up, he's in agreement. I thought he would be scared off by me feeling that way and he actually embraces it. The idea of looking at my face forever doesn't scare him or turn him off. lol That's a good thing. He loves my quirkiness and I think it's refreshing for him. He's always like, "Only you would do/say something like that."
To me, this thread is geared more towards scratching that itch of curiosity and experimentation.
I'm a planner as well. This very well could be the forever relationship that we've both wanted and I'm just thinking about that stretch of time. Believe it or not, but that's something that catches most committed couples off guard. Yes, when you feel all lovey dovey, you think that you and the person are going to be together forever, yada yada yada...but then time happens and couples often times realize that they made a mistake by not planning for that stretch of time. Hence...this is what I'm doing...planning for that stretch of time.
Posted by BonesMaloneHey there Honey! I feel you on that. That is a very real concern and I wonder if your cousin and hubby thought about that before deciding to engage in the lifestyle. To me, if he DID start liking someone more than me...it would be a phase. lol Kind of like when you try something new and you prefer it for a little while, then you go back to what you really like. See...I'm not afraid of that. There's something to be said about letting a person go try out something that they think they prefer and letting them also see that they don't REALLY prefer it overall. lol ha ha ha ha
Let me tell you a little story about my cousin. She started off married to this guy. They were all lovey dovey in the beginning. Eventually they started swinging with another couple...FROM THE CHURCH. It was fine until my cousin's husband & the other wife started doing things alone. My cousin won't admit it but this really broke their marriage. She started treating her husband like shit. She also moved 2 different girlfriends (she's bisexual) into their house. They're still married out of convenience. When ppl ask her about it she says A is my husband not my man.
My cousin is possessive & very jealous so I don't understand how she thought an arrangement like that would work.
As for me, I don't like sharing. Nor do I think I need to introduce a 3rd party into the act to have the kind of sex I want. But to each his own. Just don't get salty when your partner starts liking someone else more than you & excluding you from the equation.
Oh & hi Msteeq long time no see Å
It actually makes things stronger IMO. I wouldn't dare treat him like shit and he wouldn't do that to me. Now, that is not from a standpoint of how we feel about each other, but rather the kind of people we are as individuals. Treating someone like shit is against both of our moral standards. There's no need to do that. It's petty.
Posted by gengbenghiskhanThanks for your input. I'm not going to be a part of a harem either, so I understand that feeling.
nope.
if my partner ever actually wants someone else, I'm out. I'm not keeping any prisoners, and I'm not going to be in a harem.
Posted by TwodrinksThat's fine. The correlation doesn't apply to you and won't apply. That's the beauty of correlations in that they don't always apply to everyone and every situation. We as humans are so dynamic. Makes sense to me that some will see a correlation while others won't.Posted by MsTeeq1974The whoring out part was just me being overly dramatic. I still don't see the coorelation between sharing toys in childhood leading to the inclination of sharing your spouse or having an open relationship. Or being selfish meaning your possesive.Posted by TwodrinksLol...there's a correlation to the personality of not being possessive. However, the way that you've framed it out is not how it is. It's not dressing anyone up and whoring them out. I wouldn't do that and if that's what appealed to me, trust me...I'd be a pimpstress.
How is there any correlation whatsoever between sharing your crayons as a toddler and sharing your husband——?
Someone help me out here.
As a child I wanted people to want to play with my toys. oh? You like this toy too? Here you play with it for a while! It's cool Huh?
This doesn't mean im gonna be dressing my husband up and parading him around and whoring him out so I can watch other people enjoy him too. Because he's not my possession...he's my companion.
So dig a little deeper into your psyche because I don't see the correlation.
It's about a mutual enjoyment as a couple and being involved together even if it's one person actually having sex with someone else, but both of you are involved in some type of way...reference the cuckhold relationship I was in a few years ago. Do you see how deeply he was involved even though he wasn't physically present? He was VERY involved.click to expand
Posted by TwodrinksLMBO!!! Oh Dearest Twodrinks. lol ha ha ha ha
I want to throw something out and you can tell me to get back in my lane if it's not something you want to talk about but didn't you break up with the scorpio because you thought he was cheating? Is this a compromise for him to make you feel more in control of his actions and behaviors? "Controlled cheating"
I just can't see how you made the leap...if you've dabbled in the lifestyle before and weren't comfortable how would a full blown open relationship make sense?
It kind of seems like "well if you can't beat em, might as well join em" mentality.
Ok, so yes, I broke up with the Scorp, because he wasn't giving me the quality TIME that I wanted and because that was happening....I thought he was cheating. That wasn't out of being possessive, but more out of the fact that someone who is pulling away and cheating is not being honest. If he'd come to me and had a real transparent convo (which is not going to happen with a Scorp at the beginning of a relationship...right?) then I would have stayed with him and we could've made some type of arrangement back then. I don't feel the need to control his actions and behaviors...not at all. This is not even about him as much as it's about me. I know how I am in committed relationships and I've never been with anyone for a long long long time. Even me and my kids' father split up frequently and had relationship with babies in between. When I talk about longevity, I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to be with someone for a long long long time in a committed setting and to this end...he and I THINK alike. When we did hang out almost every single day, it was as much as a relief to me as it was to him when we didn't see each other for a day or two. Neither one of us took it personal or felt like..."What? You don't want to see me today? You must not love me as much as I thought you did." Not at all. lol It's actually been a relief not to be with someone who has that mind set. I've often times had to play the part so that the other persons' feelings didn't get hurt. I have to play no parts with him and OMG...it's a sweet effin relief. I can say things to him and do things in response to him that left other men feeling like they weren't wanted or like I didn't care. He and I don't have those issues overall. Of course like anyone else, we both have moments of insecurity, but we express them, respond to them or don't and move on. He doesn't penalize me when I don't respond to his insecure moments and I don't penalize him...anymore. I used to. lol
So no...that's not it Hun. I don't feel the need to do this so that I can control him. In fact, remember...by being transparent myself, I'm giving AWAY a measure of control. That's more of where I'm headed with this thinking. I'm just as valuable in this rel
I'm just as valuable in this relationship as he is so my actions and being available as a committed partner is valued as well. For people like us, the best way to keep us is to let us go....somewhat. Like, don't let go, let go...but loosen up. I ran from my Aries when the relationship was over, because he had the conventional thinking of here means love and not here means unloved. That man treated me VERY well on the daily, would do just about anything I wanted him to...but the way he felt about committed relationships was stifling. I felt like I was in a prison and despite all of his attempts to treat me like a Queen, I needed the freedom more than I needed what he was offering. I had to learn that lesson.
how do these things work...
don't you need to feel some attraction to the other swingers?
which poses this question: how is that even possible to get 4 people attracted to each other simultaneously?
am I over thinking this?
don't you need to feel some attraction to the other swingers?
which poses this question: how is that even possible to get 4 people attracted to each other simultaneously?
am I over thinking this?
MsTEEEEQQQQ you naughty naughty "girl"
😄
Posted by aquapiscescuspLMBO!!!!! ha ha ha ha ha
MsTEEEEQQQQ you naughty naughty "girl"
Hey...you know, we all have our...umm...things. lol Mine just happens to be sexually related. I admit, I'm a big time freak. In regards to attraction...it doesn't take much for me. Also there are varying degrees of attraction. I can be attracted to the way a person speaks or their smile or the way they smell, etc. It's not one defined set of traits that turn me on. I'm kinda gross out by my attraction to someone who will soon be an ex co-worker. He looks DISGUSTING, but is super duper smart, was like...the number 10 employee at a now multi billion dollar company and has an honorary degree from Harvard. Physically, he's a total slob...but man...he is one of the kindest and smartest people on this side of heaven. He's had a few knocks on the head and has inserted a huge capacity for kindness and compassion into his life. So instead of being a prick who is a genius...and if he engages in a deep convo with a person...he'll tell them that's what he USED to be...but now he's a gem. I heart that dude.
He's one of my biggest confidants. I need to call him soon.
Posted by Rambunctious76Can you please give me some examples of what type of boundary issues come to mind? I'm thinking, what is or is not allowed...like whether or not BDSM should be involved. I'm also thinking the number of people involved in any one session would need to be defined, the frequency of involving others in our sex life, etc.Posted by MsTeeq1974Well, from my perspective, the most important thing is to first and foremost consider any boundary issues and set up buffers and/or an exit strategy for that. Most of the open relationship/polyamorous arrangements I've seen fall apart because boundary issues were not made a primary focus and put as secondary, even as much as pushed aside completely (some people are strange this way).
I'm just as valuable in this relationship as he is so my actions and being available as a committed partner is valued as well. For people like us, the best way to keep us is to let us go....somewhat. Like, don't let go, let go...but loosen up. I ran from my Aries when the relationship was over, because he had the conventional thinking of here means love and not here means unloved. That man treated me VERY well on the daily, would do just about anything I wanted him to...but the way he felt about committed relationships was stifling. I felt like I was in a prison and despite all of his attempts to treat me like a Queen, I needed the freedom more than I needed what he was offering. I had to learn that lesson.click to expand
Posted by MsTeeq1974This is what I was holding out for:
I want to hear both from you Montgomery...if you have input or insights.
I just get the sense that a relationship with openness to it will work better for us
rather than a committed relationship where both people want to be exclusive for the
rest of their lives. See...that's the major factor in it. I'm not trying to be with him for
the next 5 years. I'm trying to be with him for the rest of my life...
Not an accusation or judgement or anything like that... but I got the distinct feeling
that this wasn't about your interest in the lifestyle, so much as finding a way to
keep this thing moving forward.
The rest of your life pretty much *is* a committed relationship (at least, on your part)--
it's just troubling that you probably wouldn't be thinking of doing any of this, if it
weren't for him.
And just a feeling, fwiw... because that's where it's coming from, I think it stands
a good chance of backfiring.
Just my opinion, and certainly no offense intended.
Posted by MontgomeryI hear you and absolutely no offense taken. For me, it's actually been the reverse. I've been holding out for someone who would be open to going down this path as a couple. The Aries was wayyyy too possessive and restrictive. I did entertain the though of remaining in a committed relationship with him anyways. More so, I needed him to believe that I wouldn't leave him so that I could see his true colors. Well...they weren't pretty and what I noticed is that I never cried after we broke up, which was weird because I really did love him. It bothered me that I never cried. However, I was so relieved and realized that I felt trapped. I'm personally excited that I may have found someone who shares the idea that you just cannot own your partner and that we're not the monogamous mamals that society tries to tell us to be. It's possible to love one person very deeply and to entertain the company of others without ditching the obligations you have to your committed partner. The closest in this level of satisfaction that I had in any type of situation with a man was the consistent casual sex buddy who ended up being a cuckhold. I don't think I enjoy those 1:1 always just them all of the time relationships as much as standards or whatever says that I should. Still...I'm just tossing some things around. For me and for us.Posted by MsTeeq1974This is what I was holding out for:
I want to hear both from you Montgomery...if you have input or insights.
I just get the sense that a relationship with openness to it will work better for us
rather than a committed relationship where both people want to be exclusive for the
rest of their lives. See...that's the major factor in it. I'm not trying to be with him for
the next 5 years. I'm trying to be with him for the rest of my life...
Not an accusation or judgement or anything like that... but I got the distinct feeling
that this wasn't about your interest in the lifestyle, so much as finding a way to
keep this thing moving forward.
The rest of your life pretty much *is* a committed relationship (at least, on your part)--
it's just troubling that you probably wouldn't be thinking of doing any of this, if it
weren't for him.
And just a feeling, fwiw... because that's where it's coming from, I think it stands
a good chance of backfiring.
Just my opinion, and certainly no offense intended.click to expand
After the Aries and I broke up, the day that I knew I wasn't getting back with him was when he called me on a Sunday and sounded like he was demanding to know why I couldn't give him 1:1 attention (we'd discussed the possibility of getting back together) instead of going to karaoke with a friend. My stomach sank and it was a wrap for me. I just don't enjoy that kind of...I don't even know what the hell you call it, but unlike most people... It didn't make me feel loved or wanted. I felt like I had freedom and didn't want to go back to being "owned".
Posted by MsTeeq1974If you say so.... wish you all the best, and hope it works out like you want.
I hear you and absolutely no offense taken. For me, it's actually been the reverse. I've been holding out for someone who would be open to going down this path as a couple. The Aries was wayyyy too possessive and restrictive. I did entertain the though of remaining in a committed relationship with him anyways. More so, I needed him to believe that I wouldn't leave him so that I could see his true colors. Well...they weren't pretty and what I noticed is that I never cried after we broke up, which was weird because I really did love him. It bothered me that I never cried. However, I was so relieved and realized that I felt trapped. I'm personally excited that I may have found someone who shares the idea that you just cannot own your partner and that we're not the monogamous mamals that society tries to tell us to be. It's possible to love one person very deeply and to entertain the company of others without ditching the obligations you have to your committed partner. The closest in this level of satisfaction that I had in any type of situation with a man was the consistent casual sex buddy who ended up being a cuckhold. I don't think I enjoy those 1:1 always just them all of the time relationships as much as standards or whatever says that I should. Still...I'm just tossing some things around. For me and for us.
Who knows-- it might. 🙂
Posted by ImarollinThank YOU! Appreciation for my bluntness doesn't usually come so easily until people realize that I really don't mean any harm. I'm a Pisces Merc, but my Sun is conj my Merc...It makes a big difference. lolPosted by MsTeeq1974Go for it?!Posted by tizianiI'm not opposed to that. It's just that with him being VERY social, I know that we would end up in group situations a lot. Now, honestly...if it were the right...IDK, environment or group of people...I could see enjoying it at the frequency that I imagine he would as well.
Lol It's unwise to try talking someone into it.
if you know it takes sone convincing, that suggests they likely do not want it in the first place.
And someone doing something they truly don't want for the sake of being in a relationship (despite what some say about sacrifice) can backfire very badly for both people.
I would say some swingers meetups are awesome because they are. Very few are, though.
If you have some curiousity or 'unspoken' issues between you and your partner, the right group of people and right environment at a meetup can make you both feel far less pressure and fear to just simply talk and open up about it.
if you do go to a meetup, go with zero expectations. Even no expectation to have sex. That's the best I can say. I am not a believer in open relationships. I can say I wish I found a group or couple that would host parties where couples know they can attend and speak and act freely with each other though, for sure.
What do you stand to lose?
And you're cracking me up. You're bluntness is refreshing. Gem merc? Sag merc? Libra merc?click to expand
Posted by Rambunctious76Makes sense. :-)Posted by YellowSubmarineBoth. And a few other things as well that they don't consider carefully first.Posted by Rambunctious76Yeah, what do you mean? People get caught up in the moment and go past the agreed upon terms, or just don't bother to go over the terms in enough detail?Posted by MsTeeq1974Well, from my perspective, the most important thing is to first and foremost consider any boundary issues and set up buffers and/or an exit strategy for that. Most of the open relationship/polyamorous arrangements I've seen fall apart because boundary issues were not made a primary focus and put as secondary, even as much as pushed aside completely (some people are strange this way).
I'm just as valuable in this relationship as he is so my actions and being available as a committed partner is valued as well. For people like us, the best way to keep us is to let us go....somewhat. Like, don't let go, let go...but loosen up. I ran from my Aries when the relationship was over, because he had the conventional thinking of here means love and not here means unloved. That man treated me VERY well on the daily, would do just about anything I wanted him to...but the way he felt about committed relationships was stifling. I felt like I was in a prison and despite all of his attempts to treat me like a Queen, I needed the freedom more than I needed what he was offering. I had to learn that lesson.click to expand
Posted by MontgomeryThanks Dear!Posted by MsTeeq1974If you say so.... wish you all the best, and hope it works out like you want.
I hear you and absolutely no offense taken. For me, it's actually been the reverse. I've been holding out for someone who would be open to going down this path as a couple. The Aries was wayyyy too possessive and restrictive. I did entertain the though of remaining in a committed relationship with him anyways. More so, I needed him to believe that I wouldn't leave him so that I could see his true colors. Well...they weren't pretty and what I noticed is that I never cried after we broke up, which was weird because I really did love him. It bothered me that I never cried. However, I was so relieved and realized that I felt trapped. I'm personally excited that I may have found someone who shares the idea that you just cannot own your partner and that we're not the monogamous mamals that society tries to tell us to be. It's possible to love one person very deeply and to entertain the company of others without ditching the obligations you have to your committed partner. The closest in this level of satisfaction that I had in any type of situation with a man was the consistent casual sex buddy who ended up being a cuckhold. I don't think I enjoy those 1:1 always just them all of the time relationships as much as standards or whatever says that I should. Still...I'm just tossing some things around. For me and for us.
Who knows-- it might. 🙂click to expand
It's way too soon to say that, but still! I feel like you deserve it
Posted by Magenta_AzureThank you Love. Happy New Year to you too!!!
It's way too soon to say that, but still! I feel like you deserve it
Posted by scorpx3I've actually singled out someone in a FB group I'm in who is in an open marriage and so for she's given me the go ahead to ask anything that I'd like to know about the experience.
OP, I think that you should try it. Search up open relationship sites where they give advice on how to approach that particular kind of relationship, do A LOT of research (as I learned so much about it through reading more and more about it, and it answered a lot of questions I had myself) because in addition to learning about it, you have to remember the people involved are in it for more than just the physical (for most of them).
Most important thing to note of all, is that if it works for you, it works for you and no one should tell you otherwise.
Thank you so much for the encouraging words!
Posted by Rambunctious76Agreed. Anywho...our dynamics are/were too screwed up for something like this anyways. I broke up with him on New Years' Eve. lol This was the WEIRDEST relationship I'd ever encountered and at least I know more about what I want and how soon to recognize whether or not the person is willing/capable of giving that to me.
But all that depends on the dynamics of the people involved.
I know that the major component needs to be intimacy. That's what I want ultimately. A high enough level of intimacy that a bond is damn near unbreakable, but not something that is one sided. I think intimacy is reflected by an unusual level of openness...hence the desire to want to explore open relationships with a partner.
C'est La Vie.
Posted by tizianiI agree completely Tiz. This last relationship has been that lesson for me. I have to somehow become comfortable with being the selfishly SELFISH lover. I also think that it takes something away from the whole value aspect when you give too easily or too much. It can have the opposite affect. You don't really give the other person the opportunity to value you and if that ever does happen, it's often too late. There is such a thing as the moment passing and not because neither party wants to be available, but there is magic in moments. I think people really get that. When you let the moment pass, you also miss the opportunity to operate together in that magical space.
I don't know, I was thinking about it this morning actually. The most unforgettable chemistry so far has been with a Pisces woman. As I said before these are two signs that don't know how to say no. It wasn't about the physical sex in the end, it was the unusual level of openness and willingness from both sides to please one another with no taboo. And the fact I could establish that kind of connection with a woman was quite literally mind-altering. It changes my view of what is possible and not possible in the world.
BUT the sum total of that connection is that it ended. It's over.
So it's clearly not everything. And as I've mentioned before there is such a thing as being selfishly selfless. When you spend so much time pleasing a partner that they don't really know what you want or where you stand. I think there are merits to the opposite - a selflessly selfish lover that thinks of themselves first, that really go under-appreciated at times.
Openness frankly is just one side of the coin to intimacy in my experience.
Take the good with the good and the bad with the bad. Happy New Year.
So, that's my leg of personal journey that I'm embarking on...how can I be much more selfish for the sake of actually being valued as a good thing upfront rather than this hindsight thing that happens all of the time with past loves. I'm the one that supposedly they'll "never forget" but that has no value or real application in partnership. It's one of those things that "sounds nice" and for some...that may be all that they need. I find that I need so much more. I need real, material, touchable relationship and not these notions or whimsical nostalgic thoughts.
Happy New Year to you too Dearest!!!
Join the Conversation. Explore Yourself. Connect with Others.
Discover insights, swap stories, and find people. dxpnet is where experiences turn into understanding.
Create Your Free Account →Related Topics
All these posts by people in pain, people who are hurting and heartbroken over love lost, betrayal, lack of communication, misunderstandings... I empathize with you. I've been there. I know that pain all too well. I have the solution. Someone asked me for
What's the biggest age gap and what were your ages? How long did it last?
The answer is nowhere. Men by nature are hunters and go after what they want. If he wanted you to be his wife, he would have proposed. If he wanted you to be his lady, he would have asked you. Men go hard for what they truly want. If he is not goin
I dated this guy (Leo, 33) Im a Sagittarius, 28; for 4 years, lived together; Broke up last December (1 year ago) towards the end I wasn't entirely happy in our relationship, because I never felt or knew if we were on the same page,or if we had a future t
I was dating someone and it seems he was doing the classic sting along. Always wanted to talk on the phone or Facetime but never had time to see me. I believe he was keeping me around in case something else fell through. I decided it was time to let go
I'm going to keep this brief (but fail.) One day, months ago, while minding my own business, reading at the bus station, a guy approached me and introduced himself. Since that moment, he would chat every time he saw me. My wording is not by accident when
For someone to not know how to be in a relationship? Because if so, I think that's what I'm experiencing now in myself. Is it possible to be *too independent*?
Anyone ever deliberately scared someone away just so you could let them go? Like send Adele songs to Gemini you know doesn't want a relationship ha ha ha. I know it is messed up, but I am sick of thinking about him and the cycle of tag your it. Anyone eve
For both the Men and the women. I saw this site for the guys, it was more funny than it was informative..;.....but- http://www.thefrisky.com/2011-09-28/mind-of-man-the-types-of-women-you-shouldn%E2%80%99t-date/ For the ladies I think it maybe inform
Not sure if I should post here or on the politics forum Have you ever had sex with someone who didn't share the same views as yourself regarding the pro life/pro choice? I imagine this topic doesn't come to surface if its just a one night stand and
is there a mountain too high? a valley too low? a river too wide? is there a point where two people who truly love each other should face reality and accept they are beaten? or is no obstacle too big to overcome where love is concerned?
This all has been an observation I've made over the last year or two from those I've interacted with. Before anyone gets upset and freaks out, there is nothing wrong with this generally. It's the motivation, or lack thereof, behind this concept for some.
Is this untypical for a gemini?
I suppose this is really for atheists/non-religious. But religious dating outside their own faith would be as relevant I suppose. I ended up spending a lot of time with this guy during the weekend. I met him before, maybe a few weeks ago and was proba
What would be any reasons you didnt want to have sex with someone u normally have tons of sex with? Im just curious on this specific topic lol.
My dude asked me to hold him last night as we were lying in bed. So I cuddled up to him. Fast forward a bit and he was sleeping peacefully while I was attempting to regain feeling in my numb arm wedged under his neck. My front was too hot, my back too col
I just wanted to be able to post this somewhere. Because I am crying and wish I could tell someone how I feel I wish I had a dad who treated me like his daughter. Who, when he looked to me or turned to speak to me, would do so in that magical way. Wher
simple question.. whats your experience about that? (this is targeting other signs than Leos)
Just want to know if anyone else has done this? or been rejected? I've recently gone through a trial such as this and wanted to get some clarity I guess... We started dating over a year ago but had been talking while I was overseas. When I came back