Pink Bird
@pinkbird03
9 Years5,000+ Posts
Comments: 975 · Posts: 5791 · Topics: 44
Relationship Help‼️❤️ (Page 2)
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Be yourself. Have fun dating. The right one will stick around
Posted by RindarooIm surprised to hear all of this coming from a sag! Do you still not believe him? I think our instincts are more right than wrong. Are you going to continue to look for someone? I know u don't want to do online dating, but I find it hard to meet someone the old fashion way!Posted by pinkbird03He took me by surprise. There were a lot of mixed messages & at the time I didn't understand they were his insecurities due to being so hurt in the last marriage. I didn't know whether I believed him. I hadn't told anyone I'd loved them since my ex husband 5 years prior & umm baggage. Me insecure - of course. I always feel like they won't stay, really love me, are telling the truth cuz when it came right down to it, my ex didn't care about what I wanted & im petrified to end up like that again.. 20 year relationship. There are only so many 20 years left. Maybe one. Trust. Yeah big issue.Posted by RindarooPosted by pinkbird03I don't know if I'm being stupid or my save the world weakness is in full mode.. but it seems I'm not done with him. Jeez just the good things he gives me are really great. Dammit! LolPosted by RindarooUgh that would bother me. I wonder if his ex has reached out to him and made him rethink things. I actually had a lot of old love interests come back into my life during this time. Including the guy I'm talking to right now... have you asked him that? dealing with this seems hard. I hope things get better soon!Posted by pinkbird03Oh two very bad situations for him. The last one was only 2 years ago. Starting when Venus retrograde started. He was still acting like he wanted the relationship reaching out everyday but caring like he was protecting himself from me in person. Then I opened up about me more, and that stopped but he wasn't being is normal affectionate cuddly self. I opened up some more & that came back. At the same time I was suspecting he was talking to someone and having my own emotional rollercoaster. So I finally decided I needed to address some mixed messages ( which really are due to him being so hurt) and asked if he was talking to or seeing anyone else. And I wanted to know what was up & where I stood with him. So he denied the seeing anyone else but not the talking which isn't surprising due to his behavior online dating in the beginning but very hurtful even if it's only due to reactions cuz he's having trouble having these feelings & getting triggered about past hurts. So that's when he stopped texting, calling, asking me over. And now won't talk about any of it. Like it's going to go away magically if he doesn't say anything— That was Friday. I reached out Sunday night and we talked some & now he's not talking again. After he said we would yesterday. Yikes!! Not sure if I should leave him alone or not. I have thought all along he wasn't ready for a relationship but yet he wanted to be my boyfriend about 2 weeks in & we went on a trip together out of the country at 3 months. And now he's freaking out. So much fun!!!!! Not. I guess my instincts were right after all.Posted by RindarooPosted by pinkbird03His kids are in their 20's. Mine are 16 & 21, so they aren't really a factor. Difference between us is I did a lot of therapy after my second divorce, he's in full avoidance mode. Because I'm the first one he's had deep feelings for since his ex. But he's doing a lot of things that are pretty much sabatoging the relationship & won't talk about it at all. He is a Cap but still! I'm not even sure I want it anymore if he won't talk to me about it. I don't need a repeat of husband #2 ?Posted by RindarooOh yea. That's tough. You don't have a choice. But it's good you're both in similar situations. You have an understanding that I don't have because I've never been married. Are kids involved too?Posted by pinkbird03Thanks 🙂 Well at my & his age it's pretty unavoidable. Especially after both have been married twice. Just a matter of if someone is willing to face it. Yeah I agree they do suck! I'm over the online dating!Posted by RindarooUgh baggage!! That's sometimes a deal breaker for me. These online guys totally suck! Hope it gets better!!Posted by pinkbird03Lol. Yes I met him online & it's not so good right now. He's having issues related to his baggage & not acting so great. Refusing to deal with issues ? That's why I said if we break up lolPosted by RindarooYep exactly! I'm happy it didn't work out with any of them. Especially right now because the new guy is the best looking! HahaPosted by pinkbird03Oh i understand!! I've had similar experiences except the 6 months with current guy. But really I figured out there were reasons it didn't work. So just means it's not best for you.Posted by RindarooLol yep. I'm so over the online dating scene! That's another reason why I just want him to be the one and done ✅
I think you just need to be yourself. A guy that really likes you will stick around. Sometimes we second guess but really there are all kinds of reasons it might not work out. Being someone other than you just to "keep" a guy will not work in the long run. Better to not play those type of games.
Personally, if my bf & I break up I'm not doing the online dating thing again or bar scene. It just brings a bunch of player types into your life.
I also don't feel like I'm playing games intentionally. I just sike myself out after all the bad experiences I've had
How are things with your current guy? Did you meet him online?
Really? Caps and divorce. Never heard those two words together. That's tough if he won't communicate. How long has he been acting this way
I know that with online dating, it's way too easy to use it as a distraction when there are problems. I might have done that in the past ? This is part of the reason I am never going that route again.... and who is a player & who isn't? Ugh
Aww. It seems he was hurt that you didn't say you loved him when he said it. Why didn't you? Do you feel insecure too? I know I am. I think that's part of the reason why things never seem to work out for me.
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Posted by DistilledMyself is shy until I know someone! I think I need to give up ontexting and hang out more in person. I think it's the texting that's my problem
Just be yourself it's so cliche but underestimated.
Things fall in place when you are. You'll have no time for bullshit.
Posted by SsupermanDating is not fun lol
Be yourself. Have fun dating. The right one will stick around
I'd like to skip this part!
Posted by pinkbird03It's fun if you don't look for forever in every single person you datePosted by SsupermanDating is not fun lol
Be yourself. Have fun dating. The right one will stick around
I'd like to skip this part!click to expand
Posted by SsupermanPosted by pinkbird03It's fun if you don't look for forever in every single person you datePosted by SsupermanDating is not fun lol
Be yourself. Have fun dating. The right one will stick around
I'd like to skip this part!click to expand
I've been dating for 8 years! I have to look for forever. I'm dating for marriage, not companionship.
Posted by pinkbird03Isn't marriage about companionship?Posted by SsupermanPosted by pinkbird03It's fun if you don't look for forever in every single person you datePosted by SsupermanDating is not fun lol
Be yourself. Have fun dating. The right one will stick around
I'd like to skip this part!
I've been dating for 8 years! I have to look for forever. I'm dating for marriage, not companionship.
click to expand
Posted by pinkbird03That's where you're messing up. Stop looking at it as finding a husband.Posted by SsupermanPosted by pinkbird03It's fun if you don't look for forever in every single person you datePosted by SsupermanDating is not fun lol
Be yourself. Have fun dating. The right one will stick around
I'd like to skip this part!
I've been dating for 8 years! I have to look for forever. I'm dating for marriage, not companionship.
click to expand
Posted by LadyNeptuneNope. Marriage is long term. Companionship is short term. I listen to Dr. Laura a lot... on siris xmPosted by pinkbird03Isn't marriage about companionship?Posted by SsupermanPosted by pinkbird03It's fun if you don't look for forever in every single person you datePosted by SsupermanDating is not fun lol
Be yourself. Have fun dating. The right one will stick around
I'd like to skip this part!
I've been dating for 8 years! I have to look for forever. I'm dating for marriage, not companionship.
click to expand
Posted by RindarooAww I hope he comes around soon!!Posted by pinkbird03Posted by RindarooIm surprised to hear all of this coming from a sag! Do you still not believe him? I think our instincts are more right than wrong. Are you going to continue to look for someone? I know u don't want to do online dating, but I find it hard to meet someone the old fashion way!Posted by pinkbird03He took me by surprise. There were a lot of mixed messages & at the time I didn't understand they were his insecurities due to being so hurt in the last marriage. I didn't know whether I believed him. I hadn't told anyone I'd loved them since my ex husband 5 years prior & umm baggage. Me insecure - of course. I always feel like they won't stay, really love me, are telling the truth cuz when it came right down to it, my ex didn't care about what I wanted & im petrified to end up like that again.. 20 year relationship. There are only so many 20 years left. Maybe one. Trust. Yeah big issue.Posted by RindarooPosted by pinkbird03I don't know if I'm being stupid or my save the world weakness is in full mode.. but it seems I'm not done with him. Jeez just the good things he gives me are really great. Dammit! LolPosted by RindarooUgh that would bother me. I wonder if his ex has reached out to him and made him rethink things. I actually had a lot of old love interests come back into my life during this time. Including the guy I'm talking to right now... have you asked him that? dealing with this seems hard. I hope things get better soon!Posted by pinkbird03Oh two very bad situations for him. The last one was only 2 years ago. Starting when Venus retrograde started. He was still acting like he wanted the relationship reaching out everyday but caring like he was protecting himself from me in person. Then I opened up about me more, and that stopped but he wasn't being is normal affectionate cuddly self. I opened up some more & that came back. At the same time I was suspecting he was talking to someone and having my own emotional rollercoaster. So I finally decided I needed to address some mixed messages ( which really are due to him being so hurt) and asked if he was talking to or seeing anyone else. And I wanted to know what was up & where I stood with him. So he denied the seeing anyone else but not the talking which isn't surprising due to his behavior online dating in the beginning but very hurtful even if it's only due to reactions cuz he's having trouble having these feelings & getting triggered about past hurts. So that's when he stopped texting, calling, asking me over. And now won't talk about any of it. Like it's going to go away magically if he doesn't say anything— That was Friday. I reached out Sunday night and we talked some & now he's not talking again. After he said we would yesterday. Yikes!! Not sure if I should leave him alone or not. I have thought all along he wasn't ready for a relationship but yet he wanted to be my boyfriend about 2 weeks in & we went on a trip together out of the country at 3 months. And now he's freaking out. So much fun!!!!! Not. I guess my instincts were right after all.Posted by RindarooPosted by pinkbird03His kids are in their 20's. Mine are 16 & 21, so they aren't really a factor. Difference between us is I did a lot of therapy after my second divorce, he's in full avoidance mode. Because I'm the first one he's had deep feelings for since his ex. But he's doing a lot of things that are pretty much sabatoging the relationship & won't talk about it at all. He is a Cap but still! I'm not even sure I want it anymore if he won't talk to me about it. I don't need a repeat of husband #2 ?Posted by RindarooOh yea. That's tough. You don't have a choice. But it's good you're both in similar situations. You have an understanding that I don't have because I've never been married. Are kids involved too?Posted by pinkbird03Thanks 🙂 Well at my & his age it's pretty unavoidable. Especially after both have been married twice. Just a matter of if someone is willing to face it. Yeah I agree they do suck! I'm over the online dating!Posted by RindarooUgh baggage!! That's sometimes a deal breaker for me. These online guys totally suck! Hope it gets better!!Posted by pinkbird03Lol. Yes I met him online & it's not so good right now. He's having issues related to his baggage & not acting so great. Refusing to deal with issues ? That's why I said if we break up lolPosted by RindarooYep exactly! I'm happy it didn't work out with any of them. Especially right now because the new guy is the best looking! HahaPosted by pinkbird03Oh i understand!! I've had similar experiences except the 6 months with current guy. But really I figured out there were reasons it didn't work. So just means it's not best for you.Posted by RindarooLol yep. I'm so over the online dating scene! That's another reason why I just want him to be the one and done ✅
I think you just need to be yourself. A guy that really likes you will stick around. Sometimes we second guess but really there are all kinds of reasons it might not work out. Being someone other than you just to "keep" a guy will not work in the long run. Better to not play those type of games.
Personally, if my bf & I break up I'm not doing the online dating thing again or bar scene. It just brings a bunch of player types into your life.
I also don't feel like I'm playing games intentionally. I just sike myself out after all the bad experiences I've had
How are things with your current guy? Did you meet him online?
Really? Caps and divorce. Never heard those two words together. That's tough if he won't communicate. How long has he been acting this way
I know that with online dating, it's way too easy to use it as a distraction when there are problems. I might have done that in the past ? This is part of the reason I am never going that route again.... and who is a player & who isn't? Ugh
Aww. It seems he was hurt that you didn't say you loved him when he said it. Why didn't you? Do you feel insecure too? I know I am. I think that's part of the reason why things never seem to work out for me.
I believe him now. He wouldn't have reacted so strongly during Venus retrograde otherwise. Physically protecting himself in my presence. My instincts were right in that he wasn't ready for a relationship due to his baggage. The question is if he can fight his fear or not. Everything that is coming out now is starting to explain his actions. It's strange cuz I normally would bolt at this point, but I have an instinct to try harder. So I'm following that now. Until that instinct goes away I guess lol. If he & I don't work, I'm moving back to the L.A. area in 2 years. Right now I live in the middle of nowhere lol. Not many options, that's why I was doing online dating. Not sure. Maybe I'd not date for awhile. Do my thing.
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Posted by Distilledlol I do love animals and nature. I'm writing all these tips down!Posted by pinkbird03Girl texting or not texting may not be the problem.Posted by DistilledMyself is shy until I know someone! I think I need to give up ontexting and hang out more in person. I think it's the texting that's my problem
Just be yourself it's so cliche but underestimated.
Things fall in place when you are. You'll have no time for bullshit.
Nothing wrong with being shy.
Just be organic about whatever you do and don't be hard on yourself when you say no or something like that. Trails and tribulations.. Not end all every time.
Also water women do extremely well when they focus on on external things like a passion or hobby for yourself regardless how small. People gravitate towards them for all reasons when they're just being themselves and not giving af.
Cancer women love animals and nature from what I've seen.
click to expand
Posted by SsupermanI don't want a joe smoe lol jk. You think I'm being too pickyPosted by pinkbird03That's where you're messing up. Stop looking at it as finding a husband.Posted by SsupermanPosted by pinkbird03It's fun if you don't look for forever in every single person you datePosted by SsupermanDating is not fun lol
Be yourself. Have fun dating. The right one will stick around
I'd like to skip this part!
I've been dating for 8 years! I have to look for forever. I'm dating for marriage, not companionship.
click to expand
Posted by pinkbird03She's been divorced and married twice...Posted by LadyNeptuneNope. Marriage is long term. Companionship is short term. I listen to Dr. Laura a lot... on siris xmPosted by pinkbird03Isn't marriage about companionship?Posted by SsupermanPosted by pinkbird03It's fun if you don't look for forever in every single person you datePosted by SsupermanDating is not fun lol
Be yourself. Have fun dating. The right one will stick around
I'd like to skip this part!
I've been dating for 8 years! I have to look for forever. I'm dating for marriage, not companionship.
click to expand
Posted by DistilledLol I'll do that's someday soon. Too tired to walk right now! But I'll do something else I enjoy very much!Posted by pinkbird03Lol that's sweet.Posted by Distilledlol I do love animals and nature. I'm writing all these tips down!Posted by pinkbird03Girl texting or not texting may not be the problem.Posted by DistilledMyself is shy until I know someone! I think I need to give up ontexting and hang out more in person. I think it's the texting that's my problem
Just be yourself it's so cliche but underestimated.
Things fall in place when you are. You'll have no time for bullshit.
Nothing wrong with being shy.
Just be organic about whatever you do and don't be hard on yourself when you say no or something like that. Trails and tribulations.. Not end all every time.
Also water women do extremely well when they focus on on external things like a passion or hobby for yourself regardless how small. People gravitate towards them for all reasons when they're just being themselves and not giving af.
Cancer women love animals and nature from what I've seen.
I mean this in the best way possible but don't bother writing it down and go take a walk instead! 🙂
Forces you to connect!
?
click to expand
How can you tell if he just wants sex?? Even though we just met recently, we've been talking for two months. The last few days he's been bringing up sex a lot and has sent me some shirtless flexing photos. He works out and it's obvious he's showing off. He wants to show me his progress. He already knows that I won't have sex until I'm in a relationship and he said he likes that about me. He never kissed me on the first date and only on the cheek the second date.
So is this a normal time for a guy to show sexual interest? Or do you sense he's just looking for sex? He said he wants something serious, but guys are guys.
So is this a normal time for a guy to show sexual interest? Or do you sense he's just looking for sex? He said he wants something serious, but guys are guys.
Posted by pinkbird03
how to act, what to do, what not to do, etc. after date 3 or 4 in order to eventually lock him down
I only read the OP, so this might have been addressed already.
In the quote above lies the problem ..... it seems unnatural, controlling and desperate.
There's no way you could have a real relationship based on quality, if your mind is focused on ownership.
Posted by P-AngelPosted by pinkbird03
how to act, what to do, what not to do, etc. after date 3 or 4 in order to eventually lock him down
I only read the OP, so this might have been addressed already.
In the quote above lies the problem ..... it seems unnatural, controlling and desperate.
There's no way you could have a real relationship based on quality, if your mind is focused on ownership.
click to expand
Well I can't help it. I get nervous and overthink everything because I haven't been in a relationship in so many years, I forgot how it works!! I naturally suck at it...
Posted by pinkbird03Not too picky. I don't think you're giving things time to developPosted by SsupermanI don't want a joe smoe lol jk. You think I'm being too pickyPosted by pinkbird03That's where you're messing up. Stop looking at it as finding a husband.Posted by SsupermanPosted by pinkbird03It's fun if you don't look for forever in every single person you datePosted by SsupermanDating is not fun lol
Be yourself. Have fun dating. The right one will stick around
I'd like to skip this part!
I've been dating for 8 years! I have to look for forever. I'm dating for marriage, not companionship.
click to expand
Sex is the problem and one of the main reasons I don't like sexual energy, at all.
The guy is merely waiting to get you to submit. Whether you make him wait 3 dates or six months, that is why he is with you ... to score.
And the female also uses her sexuality .... this locking down, as you put it, is the only thing she is looking for. This wanting a commitment from him, and she withholds sex from him with intentions of making him believe she has a prize, and he has to make promises of forever being with her.
It's not about two people, wanting to love each other, and grow old with each other, and valuing the others' principals, ethics and morals. It's not about living each day with a renewed respect.
Oh, I wish it was about that ^^^^ ..... but, it's just score and conquer, unfortunately, using sex as a tool or weapon to accomplish this absurdity.
And it looks like it only gets worse with each passing day, considering how the younger generation has no morals, nor respect. They won't even respect their own elders.
Why should guys want to develop a strong and true relation with you when he can just go out and find pussy any/every where.
So, once you give your new guy access to your vagina ... it's finished. So, really, a person has no choice except to play this game, and it disgusts me to no end.
I'm sure that didn't help you any ... but, there it is anyway. I guess my advice to you would be to go into a relationship, or to dating, telling the guy you won't have sex with him, at all. And then if he sticks around, even after months/years then you'll know he's in for keeps. But, then, that's playing a game if yu don't mean it.
Posted by P-AngelOh I agree with this completely!! That's what's been hard for me. I want to find a guy I can grow old with. Guys just want sex, especially because it's so easy to find it with online dating. Then once they get it, they don't care if it lasts. That's why I told this guy I'm not going to have sex with him unless we are in a serious relationship. I told him I like to wait awhile. I'm not going to give him a title either just so he can have sex. We honestly haven't even talked about commitment yet as we only started dating last week. But we've been talking for two months. Like I don't know if that last sentence matters or not.
Sex is the problem and one of the main reasons I don't like sexual energy, at all.
The guy is merely waiting to get you to submit. Whether you make him wait 3 dates or six months, that is why he is with you ... to score.
And the female also uses her sexuality .... this locking down, as you put it, is the only thing she is looking for. This wanting a commitment from him, and she withholds sex from him with intentions of making him believe she has a prize, and he has to make promises of forever being with her.
It's not about two people, wanting to love each other, and grow old with each other, and valuing the others' principals, ethics and morals. It's not about living each day with a renewed respect.
Oh, I wish it was about that ^^^^ ..... but, it's just score and conquer, unfortunately, using sex as a tool or weapon to accomplish this absurdity.
And it looks like it only gets worse with each passing day, considering how the younger generation has no morals, nor respect. They won't even respect their own elders.
Why should guys want to develop a strong and true relation with you when he can just go out and find pussy any/every where.
So, once you give your new guy access to your vagina ... it's finished. So, really, a person has no choice except to play this game, and it disgusts me to no end.
I'm sure that didn't help you any ... but, there it is anyway. I guess my advice to you would be to go into a relationship, or to dating, telling the guy you won't have sex with him, at all. And then if he sticks around, even after months/years then you'll know he's in for keeps. But, then, that's playing a game if yu don't mean it.
Posted by SsupermanTrue. I guess I just don't want to waste my time again.Posted by pinkbird03Not too picky. I don't think you're giving things time to developPosted by SsupermanI don't want a joe smoe lol jk. You think I'm being too pickyPosted by pinkbird03That's where you're messing up. Stop looking at it as finding a husband.Posted by SsupermanPosted by pinkbird03It's fun if you don't look for forever in every single person you datePosted by SsupermanDating is not fun lol
Be yourself. Have fun dating. The right one will stick around
I'd like to skip this part!
I've been dating for 8 years! I have to look for forever. I'm dating for marriage, not companionship.
click to expand
Posted by pinkbird03Nobody does. However, rushing through things will only make the relationship a blurPosted by SsupermanTrue. I guess I just don't want to waste my time again.Posted by pinkbird03Not too picky. I don't think you're giving things time to developPosted by SsupermanI don't want a joe smoe lol jk. You think I'm being too pickyPosted by pinkbird03That's where you're messing up. Stop looking at it as finding a husband.Posted by SsupermanPosted by pinkbird03It's fun if you don't look for forever in every single person you datePosted by SsupermanDating is not fun lol
Be yourself. Have fun dating. The right one will stick around
I'd like to skip this part!
I've been dating for 8 years! I have to look for forever. I'm dating for marriage, not companionship.
click to expand
Posted by SsupermanOk. Thank u for your advice. Slowing it down!Posted by pinkbird03Nobody does. However, rushing through things will only make the relationship a blurPosted by SsupermanTrue. I guess I just don't want to waste my time again.Posted by pinkbird03Not too picky. I don't think you're giving things time to developPosted by SsupermanI don't want a joe smoe lol jk. You think I'm being too pickyPosted by pinkbird03That's where you're messing up. Stop looking at it as finding a husband.Posted by SsupermanPosted by pinkbird03It's fun if you don't look for forever in every single person you datePosted by SsupermanDating is not fun lol
Be yourself. Have fun dating. The right one will stick around
I'd like to skip this part!
I've been dating for 8 years! I have to look for forever. I'm dating for marriage, not companionship.
click to expand
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I'll never do a long distance relationship again!!! That man can buy his own seat to goodbyaville!!!
Breath of fresh air!
What is wrong than!
Nothing is wrong! Yet.
Except my track record is bababaddddd
sometimes you have to kiss a bunch of frogs until you find a prince
relax and enjoy getting to know him ... reserve those "feelings" until you have a chance to just hang around with him and have fun because he has got to get to know you too ... it doesn't matter how long it takes - but make sure before you really "connect" that you know each other well
so - he's looking for the same type of thing that you are - that is a big plus on your part because you know yourself and you are not a "hoe" so a monogamous relationship with potential
even if it turns out he's got some bad thing going on or you two just don't communicate well or whatever, you will know in a few months but you got to give it a try - just reserve your feelings ...
I felt like I literally kissed a frog once ? Lol
Thanks for you're advice. One of my friends said I'm not allowed to talk about feelings until date 5.