Confusedandsad
@Confusedandsad
6 Years
Comments: 0 · Posts: 39 · Topics: 5
Sad. Don’t know what to do. (Page 2)
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called a hotline 2 weeks ago. It was probably this same one. I don’t know why no matter what people tell me I can’t comprehend that it’s abuse. I know I must sound stupid. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I know I wasn’t perfect in the relationship so maybe that’s why I think that. The only thing that keeps me from going back is the escorts.
So many people like him it seems. He has so many friends. It makes me think it’s me.
He showed up at my house an hour ago. He has this way of making me want him back but my pride always stops it.
Posted by Phantom_DangusPosted by Confusedandsad
I will. And I wanted to thank you all too for not being rude and for even replying back. It’s helped me a lot feel some sort of sanity. I really appreciate all of your answers. I’ve even read them a few times hoping they stick with me.
I can’t help wondering either if I wasn’t mean sometimes or if I did something else if he wouldn’t of done what he did. Reading why does he do that is helping me.Posted by emeraldgem
Please continue to keep in touch on this thread I'm so worried for you.
Just in case you want/need it.
https://www.thehotline.org/
Yeah I really have no idea what normal is. I don’t even like myself right now.
blockquote> Posted by emeraldgem
You keep thinking it's your fault which is just a mindfuck side effect of abuse. You are going to see things much differently when you break free of him. His behaviour even without the drinking is not normal. You don't even know what normal even is right now.
Hang in there, sister. 💙
blockquote> Posted by emeraldgem
You keep thinking it's your fault which is just a mindfuck side effect of abuse. You are going to see things much differently when you break free of him. His behaviour even without the drinking is not normal. You don't even know what normal even is right now.
Hang in there, sister. 💙
It’s kind of long...
He wanted to see me last night and I said I was busy and going to see a friend. He texted me and told me to be safe and to call him at some point to let him know I was okay. He then kept asking for pictures to prove I was with a friend and I wouldn’t do it. Because honestly I was just driving around aimlessly, went to a book store, listened to music.. just trying to clear my mind. I didn’t feel like explaining anything to him though. I just didn’t want to see him. So at 1:45 in the morning he texted me calling me shady as fuck. Said I was fucking somebody else. I wrote him a message telling him to leave me alone and basically told him he had a lot of nerve to act like I’m sleeping with all of these people after what he did. He was being really mean on the phone and yelling. I snapped and said I want nothing to do with him and it made him back off.
Then he showed up at my house today after calling me and me not answering and told me to come out and I said no. I finally did because he wouldn’t leave. He told me to look him the eye and promise on everything I’m not sleeping with anybody which I did. He said he didn’t believe me. He got upset and said he was going to start breaking shit because I smirked. I only smirked because he gets so upset and when I get nervous or intimidated I smirk or cry. Which I told him and he said, do you really think I’m going to hurt you. Then he slammed my gate and left.
He called me and said he hated me and I started crying. I couldn’t help it. Then he came back and hugged me and said he can’t stand to see me cry like that. I got in my car and left. He’s insisting on coming over later and I told him no.
blockquote> Posted by emeraldgem
What did you do when he showed up at your house?
He wanted to see me last night and I said I was busy and going to see a friend. He texted me and told me to be safe and to call him at some point to let him know I was okay. He then kept asking for pictures to prove I was with a friend and I wouldn’t do it. Because honestly I was just driving around aimlessly, went to a book store, listened to music.. just trying to clear my mind. I didn’t feel like explaining anything to him though. I just didn’t want to see him. So at 1:45 in the morning he texted me calling me shady as fuck. Said I was fucking somebody else. I wrote him a message telling him to leave me alone and basically told him he had a lot of nerve to act like I’m sleeping with all of these people after what he did. He was being really mean on the phone and yelling. I snapped and said I want nothing to do with him and it made him back off.
Then he showed up at my house today after calling me and me not answering and told me to come out and I said no. I finally did because he wouldn’t leave. He told me to look him the eye and promise on everything I’m not sleeping with anybody which I did. He said he didn’t believe me. He got upset and said he was going to start breaking shit because I smirked. I only smirked because he gets so upset and when I get nervous or intimidated I smirk or cry. Which I told him and he said, do you really think I’m going to hurt you. Then he slammed my gate and left.
He called me and said he hated me and I started crying. I couldn’t help it. Then he came back and hugged me and said he can’t stand to see me cry like that. I got in my car and left. He’s insisting on coming over later and I told him no.
blockquote> Posted by emeraldgem
What did you do when he showed up at your house?
And before he realized I wasn’t playing into his game he kept telling me he was going to drink all day, bar hop and basically pick up a bunch of girls. I said I didn’t care and ignored him all day. I think that’s why he showed up.
I know. My mind goes back to it being my fault. Like I’m not relaying the message good enough. I tell him to leave me alone. And he’ll either beg or tell me he’s going to fuck somebody else. In a mean or nice way telling me to move on. Take care.. etc. Then I really don’t know what happens. He shows up, says something. God I feel just fucked up.
So I did.. I had an abortion. The cops called him and told him to leave me alone. And I changed my phone number.
He doesn’t know about the abortion. I don’t know if I mentioned it or not but I work with him. I changed my office so we’re not in the same building but I’m pretty sure he’s talking shit about me. I feel like it’s making me look bad.
I have all of these really bad/mixed emotions with terrible anxiety. I feel like I made a mistake and then I think about how he treated me. A lot of people like him. They don’t know what he’s like though and how he treated me. I’m not saying about bad about him so their not hearing my side. Just his and that’s hard to deal with.
I have the most enormous guilt about the abortion. It kills me sometimes and makes me feel like such a terrible person.
I wanted to just give you guys an update but also ask if this pain is going to go away anytime soon. It feels like I went through something terrible and I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve never had anxiety this bad.
He doesn’t know about the abortion. I don’t know if I mentioned it or not but I work with him. I changed my office so we’re not in the same building but I’m pretty sure he’s talking shit about me. I feel like it’s making me look bad.
I have all of these really bad/mixed emotions with terrible anxiety. I feel like I made a mistake and then I think about how he treated me. A lot of people like him. They don’t know what he’s like though and how he treated me. I’m not saying about bad about him so their not hearing my side. Just his and that’s hard to deal with.
I have the most enormous guilt about the abortion. It kills me sometimes and makes me feel like such a terrible person.
I wanted to just give you guys an update but also ask if this pain is going to go away anytime soon. It feels like I went through something terrible and I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve never had anxiety this bad.
Posted by Confusedandsad
So I did.. I had an abortion. The cops called him and told him to leave me alone. And I changed my phone number.
He doesn’t know about the abortion. I don’t know if I mentioned it or not but I work with him. I changed my office so we’re not in the same building but I’m pretty sure he’s talking shit about me. I feel like it’s making me look bad.
I have all of these really bad/mixed emotions with terrible anxiety. I feel like I made a mistake and then I think about how he treated me. A lot of people like him. They don’t know what he’s like though and how he treated me. I’m not saying about bad about him so their not hearing my side. Just his and that’s hard to deal with.
I have the most enormous guilt about the abortion. It kills me sometimes and makes me feel like such a terrible person.
I wanted to just give you guys an update but also ask if this pain is going to go away anytime soon. It feels like I went through something terrible and I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve never had anxiety this bad.
Time is what makes it go away. You did what was right for your well being. That's all that matters. If you believe in any type of God, try to think of it as you giving the gift back, because you weren't ready.
There will be more years to come that you can get pregnant again. Don't feel guilty for making the choice to not bring something in the world that you weren't ready for.
Practice safe sex and maybe the next time if will be planned and be welcomed into a loving relationship.
I hope you feel better.
Posted by saggurl88Posted by Confusedandsad
So I did.. I had an abortion. The cops called him and told him to leave me alone. And I changed my phone number.
He doesn’t know about the abortion. I don’t know if I mentioned it or not but I work with him. I changed my office so we’re not in the same building but I’m pretty sure he’s talking shit about me. I feel like it’s making me look bad.
I have all of these really bad/mixed emotions with terrible anxiety. I feel like I made a mistake and then I think about how he treated me. A lot of people like him. They don’t know what he’s like though and how he treated me. I’m not saying about bad about him so their not hearing my side. Just his and that’s hard to deal with.
I have the most enormous guilt about the abortion. It kills me sometimes and makes me feel like such a terrible person.
I wanted to just give you guys an update but also ask if this pain is going to go away anytime soon. It feels like I went through something terrible and I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve never had anxiety this bad.
Time is what makes it go away. You did what was right for your well being. That's all that matters. If you believe in any type of God, try to think of it as you giving the gift back, because you weren't ready.
There will be more years to come that you can get pregnant again. Don't feel guilty for making the choice to not bring something in the world that you weren't ready for.
Practice safe sex and maybe the next time if will be planned and be welcomed into a loving relationship.
I hope you feel better.click to expand
I can’t help it. I feel like a terrible person. Like I killed my baby. Sometimes I’ll just be doing something and out of nowhere tears stream down my face and I break down. If something good happens my mind tells me I didn’t deserve it because I killed my baby.
Thank you. You guys helped me a lot. I wanted to tell him a few times but he made comments like, if you kill my kid watch what happens and has called me a murderer for even talking about it. I feel so low already that anything he says about what I did will completely break me down even more. Sometimes I think it was the right choice and then my mind goes back to what if he did change.
The hooker thing is just totally over the top though. I don’t know any woman that would stay after that. I wish I could give you a hug too. Your words helped me more than you know.
I know he had to of been pissed off about the cops. He left me no choice. Last Saturday I saw him looking in my window and he told me he’s going to catch whatever dick I have around his kid. Totally was going crazy. I didn’t even feel comfortable walking outside.
The hooker thing is just totally over the top though. I don’t know any woman that would stay after that. I wish I could give you a hug too. Your words helped me more than you know.
I know he had to of been pissed off about the cops. He left me no choice. Last Saturday I saw him looking in my window and he told me he’s going to catch whatever dick I have around his kid. Totally was going crazy. I didn’t even feel comfortable walking outside.
Posted by emeraldgem
OH! You're back - I'm so glad you came back to tell us what is happening with you. Wow - you are really brave and I know that was a really hard decision to make. But you made a very thoughtful decision and no matter what anyone says or thinks this is YOUR life and you are getting it back on track.
No - I didn't know you worked with him. Yikes! That can't be easy either. Fuck him and what he says about you. The people who know you know better and the rest can go to hell.
You are doing all the right things to get away. That child would have bound you to him for life and god only knows what impact his craziness would have on it and you. That is going to take a long time to process and I am sad for what you are going thru. I know you are going to get better and move on from this. You don't deserve this - please, I hope you have friends you can go to IRL. You have friends here anyway. I was thinking and worrying about you, no joke. I wish I could give you a hug!
Posted by ConfusedandsadPosted by saggurl88Posted by Confusedandsad
So I did.. I had an abortion. The cops called him and told him to leave me alone. And I changed my phone number.
He doesn’t know about the abortion. I don’t know if I mentioned it or not but I work with him. I changed my office so we’re not in the same building but I’m pretty sure he’s talking shit about me. I feel like it’s making me look bad.
I have all of these really bad/mixed emotions with terrible anxiety. I feel like I made a mistake and then I think about how he treated me. A lot of people like him. They don’t know what he’s like though and how he treated me. I’m not saying about bad about him so their not hearing my side. Just his and that’s hard to deal with.
I have the most enormous guilt about the abortion. It kills me sometimes and makes me feel like such a terrible person.
I wanted to just give you guys an update but also ask if this pain is going to go away anytime soon. It feels like I went through something terrible and I don’t know who I am anymore. I’ve never had anxiety this bad.
Time is what makes it go away. You did what was right for your well being. That's all that matters. If you believe in any type of God, try to think of it as you giving the gift back, because you weren't ready.
There will be more years to come that you can get pregnant again. Don't feel guilty for making the choice to not bring something in the world that you weren't ready for.
Practice safe sex and maybe the next time if will be planned and be welcomed into a loving relationship.
I hope you feel better.
I can’t help it. I feel like a terrible person. Like I killed my baby. Sometimes I’ll just be doing something and out of nowhere tears stream down my face and I break down. If something good happens my mind tells me I didn’t deserve it because I killed my baby.click to expand
You’re gonna be going through a lot of feelings right now. It’s a part of the healing process.
If you think you can’t handle them or the anxiety gets to be too much. You should honestly get some professional help.
You may need someone you can talk to in person.
Just know that the choice you made was the best choice for you and your life right now.
Time will make things better but you will need to grieve first. It’s a normal process of healing.
Can someone explain to me how it's mostly unmarried people in unstable relationships that end up "accidentally" pregnant like all the time when there's so many stable, healthy married couples that have been together for 4+ years that never once had a pregnant scare? Married people ironically practice safe sex more or something? Being sloppy like that is nowhere near a sign you have your shit together even a little bit so work on yourself and keep your damn legs closed.
Thank you for this. Because I’ve never hated myself more for what I did and if I could take it back, I would. I had my shit together, a lot more than other people considering what I’ve been through. I made a mistake and I have to deal with it forever.
Posted by SassyKiwi
Can someone explain to me how it's mostly unmarried people in unstable relationships that end up "accidentally" pregnant like all the time when there's so many stable, healthy married couples that have been together for 4+ years that never once had a pregnant scare? Married people ironically practice safe sex more or something? Being sloppy like that is nowhere near a sign you have your shit together even a little bit so work on yourself and keep your damn legs closed.
y hard to not think of myself as a bad person. It’s such an odd feeling to hate yourself. I never felt that hollow feeling before. It sucks and I want it to just go away.
My ex knows now and he said extremely hateful things but after a day he came back and said he forgives me and wants a future together no matter what. It makes me feel even worse because it seems like he’s changing.
Posted by HippeeGemPosted by emeraldgem
Because I don't think she feels bad enough already.........😣
This is hard to read.
@OP if you can, talk to someone. A therapist that can give you advice objectively. Or at least come back here and talk to the people who are here to support you.
You're not a bad person and please don't think you are for a choice you had to make.click to expand
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